I love the taste, the truth, the love, the darkness, the words. Morning. Well, first, I want to say that I was talking with our Sashin director, Leslie, yesterday, and she was telling me that how being Sashin director had helped her realize how much effort it takes for everybody to come to Sashin, how everybody has to arrange their lives, their families' problems, their children, their jobs, their obligations, their school, and also giving up some of their income in many cases. to attend Seshain. So I just want to say how much she reminded me of that and how much we all appreciate that effort.

[01:05]

And it attests to the sincerity of everyone's practice. I also, in that same vein, Raul, his two children are graduating from different levels of school, and yesterday he didn't know whether his older child was going to, until noon, he didn't know whether they were going to actually graduate or not. So, with that question in mind, and his composure, he found out that he did actually graduate. And then the other one's graduating tonight. I got it backwards. Right. So, and I have to tell you that tomorrow, My son Daniel is graduating from Davis, and I'm going to not be here tomorrow because I have to go to Davis.

[02:24]

He's graduating at 9.30 in the morning. So, this is our life, our life of practice. So I want to continue today to talk about the paramitas and how each paramita includes all the others. So generosity patience, actually generosity, and shila, or appropriate action.

[03:44]

I didn't talk about that yet. Appropriate action, which is like precepts. And then there's, I did talk a lot about patience and enthusiastic activity. And then there's dhyana, which is meditation, and prajna. So all six of these paramitas, each one contains all the others. So when you start talking about one, you have to also talk about the others, because the others are all present. Otherwise, it's not prajna. Prajna has to be present in all the others. There is a generosity kind of generosity, but it's not prajnaparamita, as I was talking about in my first talk. I just want to talk a little bit more about, well, patience.

[04:50]

And shanti is translated in a lot of different ways. Patience is one way and forbearance is another, but actually embracing is really a more accurate way of talking about shanti, to hold something, to expand yourself. Suzuki Roshi talked about big mind. You should always do everything with big mind. So if we do everything with big mind, that's kshanti, that's embracing. When we talk about what is sasheen, sometimes we say sasheen is embracing mind, and Suzuki Roshi talked about it as great patience. Sasheen is big patience. It's kshanti. embracing mind.

[05:55]

What is mind? Mind, not just embracing your head, but embracing everything is big enough to fit into a big mind. So how we maintain our composure is by expanding our mind. Expanding big mind to include everything. And this is also how we talk about meditation, or dhyana. Dhyana paramita is meditation, so-called, although we call it zazen. And when we talk about effort, or enthusiastic effort, I talked about how kshanti and virya balance each other out.

[07:05]

And when they balance each other, someone was saying to me yesterday, ultimately Kshanti and Virya are the same, and that's so. Ultimately they're the same, but we speak of them as two in order to identify the two sides. We often think of enthusiasm as exuberance. But actually, when it's tempered with patience, then it's right effort. One of the Eightfold Path, the right effort. What is right effort? It's just doing everything in time. Just having a rhythm in your life. In order to practice, it's really necessary to have a rhythm in our life.

[08:11]

So this is why monastic practice is nice, because it's a rhythm of practice. And because you have a rhythm of practice, everything is contained within that rhythm. And the rhythm gives you a way of a thread, so that you know where you are all the time. And in our daily life outside of monastic practice, it's maybe more difficult to have a rhythm where you have a steadiness of practice. But if we know how to regulate our life and not take on too much, so that we can actually make practice a central factor of our life, then things will go fairly smoothly, and our practice will go smoothly, even though it has its ups and downs.

[09:14]

So this is, it takes some giving up. in order to focus on something. You can't keep adding things to your life and still have a reasonable rhythm in your practice. Because everything is vying for first place. Everything in your life is vying for first place. So, there's something called renunciation. But renunciation has different connotations. But basically, for us, it means letting go of what's not necessary in order to have space to do what you really want to do. So everything we take on keeps expanding, keeps developing.

[10:17]

And pretty soon, you take something on, you think, oh, I'm just going to do this as a hobby, or I like doing this. And pretty soon, it keeps mounting an interest and expanding in its venue. And then pretty soon, it's taking over your life. And then everything else becomes marginalized. So we have to be very careful. and know how to limit our activities so that we can practice. So I see this happen a lot. People will come to practice and be enthusiastic, but they'll start taking up other things, and pretty soon, they're gone. So life, you know, the activity of the roller coaster of activity is relentless. And without our knowing it, it just rolls over our practice, takes us away.

[11:19]

So, I'd say I appreciate the practice of everybody, given all the distractions that we have in our life, that we can still manage to do this. It's kind of miraculous, in a way. I want to talk a bit about samadhi, dhyana. Dhyana is the fifth. Dhyana means, of course, meditation. And the sixth ancestor talks about, in the Platform Sutra, about dhyana and samadhi and prajna. those three aspects of meditation. He says, a learned audience

[12:23]

He always addresses people in that way. He never talks down to people. He always includes them as if they really know something. He always includes them in a very respectful way. He says, learn it audience. In my system, I don't think system is a good translation. I would say in my understanding. I would probably translate it that way. In my understanding, Samadhi and Prajna are fundamental. but do not be under the wrong impression that these two are independent of each other, for they are inseparably united and are not two entities. Samadhi is the quintessence of Prajna, while Prajna is the activity of Samadhi." So he uses the simile of a lamp and its light, but I'll get to that. At the very moment that we attain prajna, samadhi is therewith, and vice versa.

[13:33]

If you understand this principle, you understand the equilibrium of samadhi and prajna. A disciple should not think that there is a distinction between samadhi begets prajna and prajna begets samadhi. To hold such an opinion would imply that there are two characteristics in the dharma. For one whose tongue is ready with good words but whose heart is impure, samadhi and prajna are useless because they do not balance each other. On the other hand, when we are good in mind as well as in words, and when our outward appearance and our inner feelings harmonize with each other, then it is a case of equilibrium of samadhi and prajna. So we shouldn't just give lip service to what we're doing, but we should understand. Argument is unnecessary. For an enlightened disciple to argue whether prajna or samadhi comes first would put one in the same position as those who are under delusion.

[14:38]

Argument implies a desire to win. strengthens egotism, and ties us to the belief in the idea of a self, a being, a living being, and a person. Learn it, audience. To what are samadhi and prajna analogous? They are analogous to a lamp and its light. With a lamp, there is a light. Without it, it would be dark. The lamp is the quintessence of the light, and the light is the expression of the lamp. In name they are two things, but in substance they are one and the same. It is the same case with samadhi and prajna. So we don't sit to gain something. When we sit and let go, I think zazen, I like to think of zazen as renunciation, definitely as renunciation, because what we're doing in zazen is letting go of everything so that there's space for prajna to arise.

[15:56]

So samadhi is the basis for the activity of prajna. Samadhi is related to our expression and prajna is related to our understanding. Prajna is our wisdom. is related to our understanding. Samadhi is related to our expression. In other words, our nature is expressed as samadhi. So when we sit in zazen, letting go of everything, this is samadhi, touching reality moment by moment, renewing our

[16:58]

life moment by moment. We tend to think of our life as a continuum, but actually our life is continued as moments of time and space. Every moment is a letting go and a new arising. Samadhi is to let go of the present moment and to be renewed in the present moment. So we come to life moment by moment. This is called bringing life to life. So the past moment is cut off. There's no such thing as a future moment, really, and just the present, moment by moment.

[18:01]

But past, future, and present are ungraspable at the same time. So in Zazen, it's just this moment, this moment, this moment. As soon as we expect a future, it's over. We're no longer sitting in zazen. Future means anticipating something. So we're right at the crossroads of space and time as it unfolds. This is called pure existence. So you can't differentiate samadhi from prajna.

[19:04]

Wisdom and action and expression are one thing. And then he says, a learned audience, what is sitting for meditation? In our school, to sit means to gain absolute freedom and to be mentally imperturbed in all outer circumstances, be they good or otherwise. To meditate means to realize inwardly the imperturbability of the essence of mind. So, ah. How do we sit all day with a lot of pain coming and going in imperturbability?

[20:09]

Imperturbability does not mean to set up a wall or to fight. It simply means to be as open as possible, to open our mind and reside in big mind, which is samadhi. And to include everything in big mind. So this is, I sometimes talk about expanding or opening up. Zazen is to open up and continue to open up. Whatever sensation comes, to open to that sensation. It's somewhat counterintuitive, because our intuitive reaction is when there is an intrusion, we want to resist it.

[21:13]

Darshan is just the opposite. When there is an intrusion, there is no intrusion. Intrusion can only be an intrusion for a person, for a self. When there's no self, there's no intrusion. As we know, pain and suffering are not the same. Pain exists in the body and suffering appears in the mind. Suffering is a state of mind which is conditioned by pain. But when there's no self, that's how we get through suffering.

[22:29]

So, big mind, expanding, renunciation and expansion are really the key words. Renunciation is always letting go, always continuously letting go, and expansion is opening up, letting go and opening up. And that's how we sit Sazen. That's how we sit Sashin. Otherwise, it becomes a struggle. There's always some struggle, because it's not easy to always practice renunciation and to open up. But the more we can do that, the more experienced we become, the easier it is to do. So it seems like a very narrow tightrope walk becomes a broad highway.

[23:35]

It's like when you're learning to drive a car, you're watching the white line and trying to make sure that you don't get on the other side. But after you have experience, you just drive. You know where you are, you know how to do it. So, you know, we have lots of pain during sashi, but it doesn't have to be suffering. We create the suffering by closing down and retaining, hanging on to self. So this is why we sit Sashin, to let go of ourself and open completely.

[24:53]

So I've always thought of Sashin as an offering. We simply offer ourselves to the universe with nothing without retaining something. I was talking the other day about retaining something. Why won't the buffalo go through the window, all the feet and the horns and everything, but the little tail won't go through. Everything goes through with that little tail, retaining something. He says, learned audience, what are dhyana and samadhi? Dhyana is meditation, samadhi. Dhyana means to be free from attachment to all outer objects. And samadhi means to attain inner calm. So samadhi is calmness.

[25:56]

People talk about peace. I don't know about peace, but calmness Samadhi is calmness of mind. It's imperturbability. You can't be upset. The position of Zazen is a triangle. Two knees and behind make a triangle. And that's a stable, the stablest position. That's one reason why sitting this way is a good way to practice, because it's totally stable. But the rest of the body should be flexible, totally flexible. And you know when you have no resistance, when you have good posture, which is well-structured, but totally flexible.

[26:59]

So sometimes I'll come and straighten somebody's posture, and they're just like a tree. To sit with that much tenseness is not good for you. It's the zazen of resistance. So if someone were to push you, over, the whole thing would go over like a statue. But our body should be like grass, so that when the wind blows, we just bend over, swaying in the wind. Just swaying in the wind. That's really the secret of Dantian. Not only your body, but your mind. body and mind are totally flexible and not stiff and hard.

[28:03]

Anything that's stiff and hard will crack. The big tall trees fall over in the wind. So flexibility, malleability, emptiness, soft mind, These are all aspects of samadhi. So he says, dhyana means to be free from attachment to all outer objects, and samadhi means to attain inner peace or inner calm. If we are attached to outer objects, our mind will be perturbed. When we are free from attachment to all outer objects, the mind will be in peace. Our essence of mind is intrinsically pure, and the reason why we are perturbed is because we allow ourselves to be carried away by the circumstances we are in.

[29:13]

One who is able to keep the mind undisturbed, unperturbed, irrespective of circumstances, has attained samadhi. Suzuki Roshi called this composure. He never used the word samadhi. I never heard him use the word samadhi, maybe once or twice, but he always talked about composure and calmness of mind. Yesterday, my wife called me on the phone around noon. She said, I want to tell you a little story that had just happened. She said, you know, we have this dog. Some of you know my dog, Chulo. But he's very energetic and concentrated, well-concentrated. And he used to chase dogs a lot, you know, he chased everything that ran by, but he's become very good and doesn't do that anymore.

[30:27]

And he's very friendly and nice. But with wild things, he's, it's instinct. Anyway, so she likes to walk up Strawberry Canyon every day with him, and it's an off-leash thing, and as she was coming down, there's a parking lot there. In Strawberry Canyon, there's a symbiotic relationship between the goats and the grass, and so the city lets the goats mow down the grass and the goats get fed. And that keeps down the fire problem. So there are a lot of goats. And he sensed that there were goats up the hill, across the street. He's never run across the highway. But suddenly, he just bolted across the highway.

[31:31]

And he ran up the hill. I heard it, all the goats, a hundred goats, down into the highway, and barking and herding them around, herding them around, and peeling off the young ones, and the traffic coming down, the traffic coming up the road, and he was just having the time of his life. He would say, this is what I was born to do. After I finish this, you can do whatever you want with me." And of course, Liz was mortified. So in this situation, where is samadhi? Where is her samadhi? Where is her composure? Where is her calmness of mind? She did well, I think. He wouldn't come when he was... I mean, he just didn't pay attention.

[32:35]

He was just so obsessed. But she finally got him when he got by. And I said, well, did you ask him to sit down or lie down? She said, what? I was so embarrassed. I was just trying to get the hell out of there. So this kind of situation, where is our samadhi power? Where is our calmness of mind? So in our life, this is where this counts. in all situations, you know. I find myself, you know, like I'm the kind of a driver who drives strategically. That's what I call it. I drive strategically. And I know what everybody's doing on the road, and I know where I'm going, and I fill in all the holes. And people are driving like they're sitting watching TV, you know, or on the railroad track, you know.

[33:52]

Every once in a while, in my mind, I'll complain about them, but I never hold on to the complaint. I complain, that, you stupid, but I don't hold on to it, fortunately. Imagine having all that stuff in your mind and worrying about it. It's like, things come up. I mean, anger comes up, resentment comes up, and you notice that, and you let it go. That's how you maintain composure, so that when you're finished, you're not still thinking about that. The moment you pass, you're not thinking about it anymore. It just comes up. So to say that these things don't come up in our mind is not accurate. Anger comes up, all the dharmas come up in our mind, but we just let them go.

[34:59]

That's renunciation, continuously letting go. When I read the newspapers, all kinds of emotions and feelings come up, and I get angry, and I get resentful, and I get blah, blah, blah. When I put the paper down, that's the end. Go on to the next thing. So not carrying something with us is called renunciation. And in order to stay in samadhi or maintain our composure, our calm mind, is to continually let go, which does not mean to not observe or not allow the feelings and emotions to come up. We have to let things come up. otherwise we're dead. So, not hanging on allows us to continually free our mind.

[36:05]

Samadhi is to actually have our mind free to enter the next moment without anything, any residue, and to relate to each other without any residue. You know, I may have some contention with somebody. There may be high contention, but whenever I approach that person, I'm always allowing the opportunity for that to not be there. If I come to that person thinking, this is the way that person is, then I'm hanging on to something. I'm being controlled by my thought. But if I'm simply open to any new possibility, without really anything in my mind, then all the possibilities are open.

[37:08]

When I do shosan, People sometimes say, where do you get all those responses from? Well, from nowhere. I don't have anything in my mind. When you ask me a question, I have nothing, I'm just looking, with nothing there at all. And then the response comes up, maybe good or bad. but the response comes up without anything, any residue from the past. So that gives the freedom to respond freely. That's called maintaining composure, maintaining samadhi. Not hanging on to things. That's right.

[38:39]

Well, ask yourself, can I let go of this? What would happen if I didn't? What would happen if I let go of this? Where would I be if I let go of this? What am I being loyal to? Often we're loyal to our resentments. We're loyal to our anger. We're loyal to our jealousies, our envy. And if we let that go, where would we be? So it takes some courage to let go of that and just be neutral.

[39:47]

Fall into neutral. Neutral gives you the opportunity to make a choice. When you hang on to something, it doesn't give you the opportunity to make a choice. So always coming back to neutral. always coming back to neutral so that you can make a reasonable choice instead of a reaction. Ben? My question was about the act of letting go. The act of letting go. Yes. It's an experiential act that I think about.

[40:51]

Let it go. Yeah. Where does it go? Oh, what happens to the goats? Well, that's a good question. The goat guys didn't mind, see, because they're supposed to have an electric fence. And so when he went up the hill, Liz thought, oh, well, there's an electric fence up there. So the electric fence inhibits the dogs. No, the fence keeps the dogs out of the pen, the fence. It does. It's an electric fence, it's a collar for all the goats. But they were transferring the goats at that particular moment, so the fence wasn't there.

[42:01]

But they got the goats back, and the cops were there. She said, they were just like, they were Daniel's age, you know, and they were just, he's okay. They were laughing. But there were some people who were saying, you should watch your dog in a leash, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. There are always a lot of different kinds of comments. Yeah? Yeah, I think people can see that he was doing well. Well, of course, you know, there are associations, but I'm not holding something that I think about this person, right?

[43:18]

But when I start to say something, that association can come in. Well, it may not be. Yeah. It's simply a response, you know. The thing is that when we do shosan, you have to trust each other. So it's a trust. And you may not, you know, when you receive the response, you have to decide, well, is that an appropriate response or not? May not be. But there's something there that fits the question.

[44:27]

So it's like the question and something to fit the question, right? No, no. This is the same thing for the shuso ceremony. When we have the shuso ceremony, the shuso does not have anything in their mind, hopefully. You know, they're quaking in their boots, you know. But they don't have any fixed idea what they're going to say, or who's going to ask a question. So when you prepare for that, There's no preparation. You just simply be as open as you can be. Because if you have some idea in your mind, then that's coloring, right? So the point is to get beyond your thinking mind.

[45:35]

Your mind which is creating some kind of scenario, and you ask a question and then the response comes from here, right? And usually it's accurate, unless you hear it wrong or something about the question, but usually the response has an accuracy that addresses either what your question is or beyond your question. It can go beyond your question. Hopefully it would, because your question usually is on this level, and the response is on this level. And you say, oh, well, that's not exactly what I was asking, but it actually may fit what you are asking in a deeper way. So I don't want the shusa to explain things. As soon as you start explaining, then the explanation goes on, and the next one goes on longer, and pretty soon you fall into reading a book about Buddhism.

[46:45]

That's not the idea. The idea is a question and a response that matches the question in a more deep way. And it may not seem like anything. But it's a quick apartheid. You can consider what you're saying, but it's not like a long dialogue. Sometimes that happens in shuso ceremonies. I mean, there is one shuso ceremony I remember, the longest one that I ever attended, where That was Philip, the poet. But, um, Philip Wayland. May his soul rest in peace.

[47:51]

But, you know, a quick repartee that has vitality. The vitality is important. Not the mind spinning, but, you know, meet each other with vitality. Is that part of what the stick is actually for? It sort of lets the shuso drop the answer they just gave and hear the next question? That's very good. Yes, to drop the answer. Just forget what you said to that person and then just come up new for the next one. Yeah. That's a good example of samadhi. dropping this moment and coming up new in the next moment without residue. But often we end up answering the question the same way. We fall into patterns, and it's excusable because we're all human, but we try to do it that way.

[48:57]

And so the shuso at the end holds up the stick and says, please excuse all my transgressions and please forgive me for my poor performance or whatever. And they mean that, but we give that. When they say that, then we say, oh no, it's great. And it's true. So I practice meditation because I am afraid of dying. Yes, thank you for that. And what I notice is that when the pain in the knees gets so intense, I notice that I begin to notice how my body And I relate that to, in my mind, to what I think could possibly happen at the time of death.

[50:13]

You know, especially if I were to be ill, or something like that. And so... It's like tsao-tsen, or tsa-shin, called dying while sitting. Dying on the cushion is what it's called. So, you don't... To do that with composure in samadhi is not to clutch anything, not to get, but simply let everything go. The exhale is so important because the exhale is letting go.

[51:15]

Inhaling is coming back, exhaling is letting go. So the most important part, I don't have to say the most important, the most important part when you're exhaling is to let go. The most important part when you're inhaling is to come back. But there will come a time when there will be the final letting go. Which, if you practice dying as zazen, I think it's pretty good. Because you're practicing dying as zazen. But that's the place where you have to go through.

[52:18]

If you keep avoiding that place, then you just have to keep coming back up to it. So you get to that point, and then you let go. But that just happens. That's why, you know, we stress, just continue. Don't go get that cup of coffee, just continue thinking something. When it gets really difficult is where you have the opportunity. That's when you have the opportunity to go through. And then, I can't explain that, You know, but it's like, instead of clutching, you let go. And then everything becomes, you feel like you're balancing between birth and death.

[53:31]

You're balancing so that you don't fall over into this side and you don't fall over into this side. And that wonderful balance is the essence. I want to say that my father really supported the process. Yesterday, at one point I looked over, I was sitting over there and I looked over that way and Ron was just finishing lunch. that only I, you know, I'm going through this pain.

[54:47]

And I see it in an advanced student, long-time student, forgive me about that, long-time student or whatever, there is a certain sangha, you know, that I feel like I'm in community and I can let go of the suffering, which is only happening to me. Or I'm the only one that's experiencing this. It's like, you know, this woman that came crying to Shakyamuni Buddha, She said, my son has died. And she said, I don't know what to do. And he said, well, I'll tell you. If you go knock on every door in the town and ask if there's someone in that house that hasn't died, see if that's possible. So in the same way, if I asked everybody to raise their hand, who hasn't experienced what you're experiencing, or isn't experiencing that, but it's getting toward the end of the lecture and everything, and, well, when are you going to quit, you know?

[55:52]

My legs are killing me. It's so wonderful. Everybody raise their hand and say, God, my legs are killing me. And then you look at my face, right? What did you see? I didn't see any signs of pain, you know, but I remember that you said that you had a ski accident and hurt your knee and that nevertheless you continued practicing. I have to say I bow to you. I just thought, my God, a knee injury and this pain. Well, I appreciate that either all are or have been.

[56:56]

And even though we may get to the point of wonderful openness and composure, it still comes back. So there's some point in Seshin where I say, oh God, do I have to sit again, you know? But you know, just do it. Just do it. And then, oh yeah, that's right. And then mine, you know, just get the mind and put it over there. Just let the body sit. It's the way we think about it that causes the problem. Most of the problems that we have that come up in Zazen, physical problems, are created by the mind, by holding on. And then there's this wrenching, wanting to and not wanting to.

[58:08]

which creates a tension, and then you feel that in your body. So, that's why, just be one with the pain. I don't know how to explain it better than that. Be one with the pain. As soon as you resist, you create a problem. Resistance creates the problem. This is how we learn. Zazen is just our teacher. It's us, our body, mind, teaching us how it is. this resignation.

[59:15]

And I was, I don't even know if I got the question, I was about to ask you, how can I shift from resignation to letting go? And you said, yeah, 100% totally resigned. Yeah. It has to be complete.

[59:32]

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