Good morning. Well, welcome to Suzuki. So, we've been trying to decide exactly when Suzuki Roshi's memorial will be celebrated, and it turns out that it's tonight. I won't go into any explanations of why this is, but it's gone from one day to another, back and forth. But I want to remind everyone that tonight we have the Suzuki Roshi annual memorial. And so each of you can be prepared. You don't have to—we will all offer incense. No, flowers.

[01:00]

Too bad. We'll all offer flowers. And if you like, you can say, address Suzuki Roshi, or just bow or something. So it's not necessary to think up something to say. But if you really would like to say something, you may. And so it's a very nice ceremony. And so because this ceremony is tonight, I want to kind of dedicate my talk to reading something of Suzuki Roshi with my commentary. So in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, in the beginning of this book, the way it's put together, he talks about posture and breathing and very fundamental activities that we do during zazen.

[02:19]

Each one of them is really quite wonderful. And every time, although I know what he's saying without reading the book, every time I read one of these fascicles, I'm reminded of something or learn something. And it's actually, Great stuff to ponder during Sashin. So this one is called Mind Waves, which you all know about, right? You have them. So it says, when you are practicing Zazen, do not try to stop your thinking. Let it stop by itself. Yes, in Zazen we do not try to stop our thinking. Even though we know this, we sometimes think.

[03:27]

We try to stop our thinking. What we do is when we realize that mind is wandering, we just come back to posture and breathing. It's that simple. But we do not try to stop our thinking. And it's doubtful whether it stops by itself. That's ideal. Idealistically, it stops by itself. But thinking just keeps going on. And hopefully it would stop by itself. That's nice. So if something comes into your mind, just let it come in and let it go out. That's it. It will not stay very long, although sometimes we have a loop, the loop that keeps going around, the song that keeps returning if we are obsessed by something.

[04:36]

But ideally, he's talking about the mind calming down. When you try to stop your thinking, it means that you're bothered by it. The one thing that I remember him saying that was a turning point for me was, don't be bothered by anything. Just don't be bothered by anything. And I have kept that. as a clue, I guess you'd call it, whenever I sit, is not to be bothered by anything. Not to be bothered by my thoughts or the thoughts that are in my mind. And not to be bothered by feelings or emotions or pain. Just not to be bothered by it.

[05:40]

And it's a tall order. because when we have intrusions, we don't like intrusions. Pain is an intrusion. Thoughts are an intrusion, can be an intrusion. Pain especially is an intrusion because our whole life is dedicated for most people to being comfortable and to avoid pain. So how do you do that? So when you try to stop your thinking, it means that you are bothered by it. Do not be bothered by anything. It appears as if something comes from outside of our mind. But actually, it is only the waves of your mind. And if you are not bothered by the waves, gradually they will become calmer and calmer.

[06:44]

in five or at most ten minutes, I don't know about that, your mind will be completely serene and calm. I promise. At that time, your breathing will become quite slow while your pulse will become a little faster. That's interesting. I never heard that before. So, it will take quite a long time before you find your calm mind, calm, serene mind in your practice. I think that's true. Because it takes a long time before we can stop being bothered by stuff, by the waves in our mind. We say, ride the waves. Don't let yourself get inundated by the waves. You have to be a good swimmer.

[07:46]

So we're actually swimming in big mind. So the waves are simply the expression of our big mind. So it will take quite a long time before you find your calm, serene mind in your practice. Many sensations come. Many thoughts or images arise. But they are just waves of your own mind. Nothing comes from outside your mind. That's an interesting statement. Usually, we think of our mind as receiving impressions and experiences from outside. But that is not a true understanding of our mind. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything. So when he talks about mind, he's talking about big mind. He's not talking about our small mind. I mean, he does talk about our small mind, but when he says our mind includes everything, he's talking about big mind.

[08:52]

So when we sit Zazen, we sit Zazen in the midst of big mind. And the mind is expressing itself according to our to our way of thinking. Big mind, small, individual small mind is expression of the waves. Waves are expressions of our small mind, which is important, otherwise we wouldn't be able to operate. But big mind is the essence of mind, is what he's talking about. So he says, the true understanding is that the mind includes everything. Big mind. When you think something comes from outside, it means that something appears in your mind.

[09:55]

Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave your mind as it is, it will become calm. This mind is called big mind. So all of our thinking, according to this understanding, is waves of our mind, mind waves, the expression of big mind as it meets circumstances. And because we depend so much on our mind waves, we don't recognize that mind waves are simply an expression of our universal mind, our essence of mind. So the model is that Buddha nature, Dharmakaya, is our essential,

[11:10]

Essence of mind. And Zazen is to settle ourselves on big mind. And so when we settle ourselves on big mind, the residual activity of our small mind is always active. So this is residual mind. the residual activity of our mind, small mind, our individual mind. So in Zazen, we just settle ourselves at the center of the universe, actually. This is the cosmic mind, the mind that is at one with the cosmos. So, the residual activity of mind is still going on all the time, like bubbles coming up, like a fish tank.

[12:25]

You watch the fish tank and you watch the bubbles coming up, but the water in the tank is quite serene. It doesn't move around much. That's like big mind. And the bubbles are the oxygen bubbles that allow the fish to breathe. So if your mind is related to something outside of yourself, that mind is small mind. So small mind is the mind that relates because it's dualistic, where big mind is singular. but Big Mind splits itself off in order to act in the dualistic world. Splits itself off means it allows it responds to circumstances in a dualistic way. So when we say non-dualistic, non-duality, it doesn't, non-duality doesn't

[13:33]

obviate duality. It includes duality within itself. So when we say big mind or small mind, it's the same thing, but they're different functions. The function of big mind is small mind. That's how big mind expresses itself. So if your mind is related to something outside of itself, that mind is small mind, and a limited mind, because duality is always limited. If your mind is not related to anything else, then there is no dualistic understanding in the activity of your mind. You understand activity as just the waves of your mind. Big mind experiences everything within itself.

[14:38]

Do you understand the difference between the two minds? The mind which includes everything and the mind which is related to something? Actually, they are the same thing, but the understanding is different, and your attitude toward your life will be different according to which understanding you have. That everything is included within your mind is the essence of mind. To experience this is to have religious feeling. Even though waves arise, the essence of your mind is pure. It is just like water, clear water with a few waves. Actually, water always has waves. Waves are the practice of the water. To speak of waves apart from water or water apart from waves is delusion. Water and waves are one. Big mind and small mind are one.

[15:41]

When you understand your mind in this way, you have some security in your feeling. As your mind does not expect anything from outside, it is always filled or fulfilled, I would say. A mind with waves in it is not a disturbed mind, but actually an amplified one. Whatever your experience is, whatever you experience, is an expression of big mind. So, when he says pure, pure means, for him, non-duality. Pure mind is non-dual. In the Platform Sutra, the sixth ancestor, Huineng, talks about people who are bound by purity. not real, but they're bound by purity in a dualistic way rather than a non-dualistic way.

[16:43]

They separate purity from impurity. But in this understanding, purity means non-duality. It doesn't mean pure as the opposite of impure, because both pure and impure are expressions of big mind. Big mind includes everything, not just something, but everything. And it doesn't make judgments or separation, because big mind has no opposite. That's a big mind. Big mind has no opposite. When you sit in Zazen, and you experience pain, what we do, our usual reaction is to not like it, not want it, and try to get rid of it, which is the cause of suffering.

[17:47]

The main cause of suffering is trying to get rid of it. When you become one with it, that's a big mind. There's no opposite. When there's no opposite to the feeling, you have, even when you don't create an opposition, then you're abiding in big mind without any opposition, and therefore you're comfortable. What makes us uncomfortable is our opposition. So The expression or the solution is malleability, to be malleable, to go with something rather than oppose it. This is also the secret of Aikido, to go with.

[18:52]

When you're facing your opponent, to not go in opposition, but to go with the opponent. And so the opponent's own energy is helping you to not be conquered by the opponent. So that everything is included in your, where am I? So do you understand the difference between the two minds, the mind which includes everything, which is essence of mind, and the mind which is related to something, which is dualistic mind? Actually, they're the same thing, but the understanding is different, and your attitude toward your life will be different according to which understanding you have.

[19:53]

I'm just going to... That everything is included within your mind is the essence of mind. To experience this is to have religious feeling. Even though waves arise, the essence of your mind is pure. It's just like clear water with a few waves. Actually, water always has waves, and waves are the practice of the water. To speak of waves apart from water, or water apart from waves, is delusion. and waves are one. Big mind and small mind are one. When you understand your mind in this way, you have some security in your feeling. As your mind does not expect anything from outside, it is always filled. A mind with waves in it is not a disturbed mind necessarily, but actually an amplified one. So whatever you experience is an expression of big mind.

[20:53]

The activity of Big Mind is to amplify itself through various experiences. In one sense, our experiences coming one by one are always fresh and new. But in another sense, they are nothing but a continuous or repeated unfolding of the one Big Mind. For instance, if you have something good for breakfast, you'll say, this is good. good is supplied as something experienced some time long ago, even though you may not remember when. I think what he's saying here is that we have preconceptions, and our mind is always prepared through preconceptions. And so it's hard to experience something new. It's really hard to experience something pure and new because our mind is always expressing something that we learned.

[22:00]

So to express something clean and new is something before we learned. It's like this moment is just this moment with no past or future. to actually experience the essence of this moment, the essential of this moment, is to let go of preconceptions, to let go of knowing. So we say, oh, this breakfast was good, compared to a breakfast that's not so good. There's no need to say that if we don't compare it to something not so good. So this is a dualistic world. We're always comparing one thing with another. The oneness of essence of mind is every experience is totally new and just what it is. So that's our zazen, to experience every moment. We live one moment at a time.

[23:04]

total life experience on each moment without any preconceptions or relating to another experience. It's just all one without oppositions or apositions. So, with Big Mind, we accept each of our experiences as if recognizing the face we see in a mirror as our own." I think what he's referring to here is Tozan's Five Ranks, where one of the ranks talks about as a poem of Tozan, which The old woman or the old man looks in the mirror and does not see their original face because they're looking at the back of the mirror instead of the front.

[24:10]

So for us, there is no fear of losing this mind because you can't lose it. It's something you can't lose. It's something you can't gain and it's something you can't lose. This is the original face. when we say, show me your original face, this is it. It's like looking in the mirror and seeing your reflection without reflecting. As soon as you reflect, then it's no longer a pure experience. What is a pure experience is when you're walking down the street and you see somebody's, some, reflection in the store window and say, gee, that looks familiar. Or you don't even say anything. You just see yourself exactly as you are.

[25:15]

But when you look in the mirror, purposely, you have a preconceived image of yourself. Do I look the same today as yesterday? There's always a comparison. Really hard to look in the mirror and just see yourself as you are. Sometimes a photograph, you can see, do I look like that? I thought I looked like this. So for us, there is no fear of losing this mind. There is nowhere to come to or go. There is no fear of death, no suffering from old age and sickness, because we enjoy all aspects of our life as an unfolding of big mind. We don't have to pick and choose what we like or dislike. Every experience is just this experience.

[26:18]

It's a big mind. And when we're sitting in Zazen, just with big mind, it's quite wonderful. whatever is going on. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's not painful, sometimes it's blissful, sometimes it's kind of you're wondering what you're doing, and then there are all these mind waves going on, and you think, oh, I only had one moment of bliss, but that is something much deeper. than our experience, actually, deeper than our momentary experience. So, because we enjoy all aspects of our life as an unfolding of big mind, we do not care for any excessive joy, so we have imperturbable composure, which is called samadhi.

[27:22]

Samadhi is imperturbable composure. When you have this connection, I don't want to say connection because connection is dualistic, this immersion or you're living in big mind, whatever happens is just what happens. So this is called the mind of wisdom. samadhi. There are many samadhis, but Dogen calls the king of samadhis, is actually, there are many samadhis, but the king of samadhi is called Jiju Yuzama, which you heard of. It's the samadhi of Self-joyous Samadhi, it's called. It's also called Self-fulfilling Samadhi.

[28:30]

Self-fulfilling means true fulfillment is being one with Big Mind. So, and it is with this imperturbable composure, a big mind, that we practice satsang. Do you have any questions? Dean? What about samadhi? And whether it's something that's fluid. For example, if one has this imperturbable And then it changes and they lose that composure. I would think it would still be Samadhi. So does that mean, I mean, that what they had was Samadhi or is it not Samadhi because they don't still... Who is they?

[29:34]

Me. Okay. If I was composed and I felt that completely... Yes. Yes, so it's not that you gain and lose it, but you cover it and uncover it. So I got it, I just got it. Yeah, now you got it. It's just you uncover it or cover it. So we call it mind coverings. In the Heart Sutra, it says mind coverings, but sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it says it in a different way. We either put the lid on or take it off. So, when we sit in Zazen, we should take off the lid, let go of the mind coverings and just let ourselves be free.

[30:35]

mental struggle and just experience, enjoy big mind, our true mind. This is what Suzuki Roshi calls resuming big mind, resuming our true big mind. So we have, you know, you can do this. Samadhi is both the samadhi of sitting still and the samadhi of moving around. So they're not two different things, but the samadhi of moving around includes the dualistic mind. But the samadhi of sitting still is more like more pure zazen in a sense. because there's no duality in it.

[31:37]

But you can lose it. It's not that you lose it, it's that you obscure it. Because it's our natural state. It's not like some special thing. It's just our natural state. Because we need to support ourselves, we need to find a way to live in this world with other people, and then we gradually create an ego, a compositional self. we put together certain things, put together various elements to create a self, a self-identity. And the more we create the self-identity, putting things together in our basket, the further we get away, the more we obscure our Samadhi. So how to course in the world without obscuring

[32:46]

our natural state, which is samadhi, at some point we realize that there's a problem. And then we look for how to solve the problem, religion or science or whatever. There are various disciplines for doing that, but they're not all based on big mind. So when we find our dharma, big mind, that's very nice. Thank you, Sojin. I have a question about samadhi and ceremonies. So there's a lot to the ceremony. Yes. Yeah. Well, we hope so.

[34:01]

I mean, yes, yes. You know, I think if we pay attention to the elements and the details of a ceremony, but If we pay too much attention, we're liable to make a mistake. And then we fall into, oh my God, I made a mistake. And then you, oh my God. But if we can have some ease and malleability when we do a ceremony and we make a mistake, It's okay. It's okay to make a mistake.

[35:01]

If we have some lightheartedness about it, then that lightheartedness carries our samadhi. But our rigidity covers it. So one of the problems with having ceremonies is that we want everything to be so perfect that it covers our, samadhi, because we're looking for perfection rather than opening up our mind. So, I think when we do ceremonies, we should do it in a respectful, serious way, with lightheartedness, so that we don't worry about making a mistake. Mistakes are a really important They're really important because they take the edge off of perfection, which actually makes the thing perfect.

[36:05]

I don't think I've ever had trouble not making mistakes. But I just want to say thank you for your appreciation. That's the main thing. When it's done wholeheartedly, that carries your samadhi. The wholeheartedness is what does it. Yeah, whatever you do, whenever you're wholehearted, wholehearted means oneness. If half-hearted, means division. When there's division, that's not samadhi. When there's unity, that's samadhi. It takes attention and energy and all those wonderful characteristics.

[37:13]

Yes, they're all there together in harmony. So harmony is a kind of samadhi, the samadhi of total harmony. There are many, many samadhis, you know, the whole book of different kinds of samadhis, right? Jinju Yu, Zamae, Samadhi of Radiant Light, and so forth. So, if my and I'm aware that I'm perturbed. And I'm also aware that I should bring malleability to the situation, but something is being really stubborn and is attaching to being perturbed. I'm being perturbed, being perturbed.

[38:17]

What does malleability look like? Is there karma there that is... Well, it means fear. If we are hanging on to something, it means fear. So we don't always assign fear to our stubbornness. But when we look at what it is that keeps us from Just letting go and trusting our big mind, it's usually attributable to fear. So how to let go of fear is maybe more your question, underlying your question. What would happen if I let go? What would happen if I didn't have to hang on to this thing?

[39:21]

because we think we're being driven by various forces, but actually we're driving various forces. So, you know, and we think that there's something from outside that's coming in at us, which is not untrue. But the way we adjust to those circumstances within ourselves is what drives our life. So, although there's always circumstances outside that are impinging on our, or whatever, or supporting our life, but how we respond to those things is how we practice. because everybody's born into some particular circumstances, like or not like, rich or poor, you know, good circumstances, difficult circumstances, but the way we respond to those circumstances is what creates our life.

[40:40]

So we don't say it's the outside so-called outside circumstances, it's the inside circumstances, the way we accept or deal with the circumstances that is actually what our life is about. That's why he says it's all in our own physical and mental activity that makes it look like things are determining our life from outside, but it's actually the way we deal with it inside or within our own mind and understanding that creates our life. So, somebody very wealthy can be miserable, and somebody very poor can be happy. Thinking about the repeated response and knowing... Well, malleability means being able to ride the waves without being drowned by them.

[41:56]

Yeah, we blame the outside. But blame is a big deal. We're always blaming circumstances for our problems. So when we don't blame circumstances for our problems, then we have the opportunity to be free. But as long as we're blaming outside circumstances, we're caught. Even though we're on the gallows and the rope is around our neck, tough luck. But how we deal with that, how we deal with that is the most important thing in our life. We die in different ways, so to speak. Everybody dies in a different way. Some with a rope around the neck, some people lying in bed, some people get shot, some people You know, we have all different ways that that happens.

[43:14]

But malleability means to go with, means to be flexible and go with, because that's inevitable. So we make ourselves happy or miserable depending on how we go with or resist. Some things we have to resist, of course. but it's riding the wave and driving the wave. The waves are, you know, when you rise up, and this is called driving the wave, and then you reach the top, and then you ride the wave, and then you reach the top, and you drive the wave. So we're always driving the waves. The waves are the activity of our mind. And so how we respond to circumstances is what makes us fearful or resistant or happy or able to negotiate our life.

[44:27]

James has a question. Yes. [...] Yes, we all feel the same way. We're all depressed, yes.

[45:35]

So how do you ride the wave of depression? Well, I think we have to be a little bit acrobatic. To find some lightness within, you know, it's always wonderful to see a person who's really got a lot of problems, suffering, and they can joke and smile through it. To me, that's like, it's difficult, but we have to find some place in us that's neutral. And that's big mind. Big mind is neutral. We have to be able to, if we can't come back to our big, our essence of mind and rest in it, then we just suffer.

[46:46]

Because everything is transient. This is not the only time. There was Reagan, there was Nixon. You know, we felt this exactly the same way. But everything changes. You have to realize that it's not stuck in cement. We're going through this, okay, this is what's happening, now how do we respond to that? And then this terrible thing is happening, how do we respond to that? So that's flexibility. Otherwise, you just drown in your suffering, drown in your depression. So depression's there, but it doesn't have to overwhelm you. Everything is changing. This too will change. Just that we have to have patience. Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue. Even though all this mayhem is happening, people, it will change.

[47:50]

Yes, yes. You know, there's this little anecdote about the man running over the cliff, and he's holding onto a branch, and the mice are eating away at the branch, and the lion's down here, you know, wanting to chew his foot, and he sees a strawberry plant growing. He plucks the strawberry, Ah, delicious.

[49:06]

So, we can't let the force of depression rule ourself. It may rule the world for a while, and it's not that it's not there, but it's not the only thing. It's not the only thing. We have to be able to keep our light glowing and not let it be put out by depression. Something wider. Yes. Yes. We have to expand our view. Otherwise, our view gets very narrow and narrow, and then we get stuck in the narrow view.

[50:12]

So to allow ourself to have a wider, bigger view, that's the only way. Because otherwise, we're stuck in the closet of ourself. That's what gives agency to respond. That's what, yes, gives agency to respond. That's right. Not to react. Because we want to react. You know, I think every day, get a gun and shoot him. Those thoughts pass through everybody's mind. But we don't act on that. We expand our mind so that we can encompass it, encompass all the difficulty. Mark? Yes.

[51:14]

A religious feeling is a feeling of security in the universe. Wherever you are in the universe, you have security, no matter what's going on. Well, it's emotional. I mean, it depends how you want to relate to it. You can relate to it emotionally or mentally or physically. Everything is included, as a matter of fact. Otherwise, it wouldn't be security. So why that's religious? Well, it's interesting because people think of religion as relating to a deity. But if you take out the deity, there's still, you know, like Essence of Mind or Bhārocana.

[52:29]

These are the icons of religious activity in Buddhism. They are the essence, the essential thing. So religion is not something fixed. We think of religion as a fixed belief system. But religion is not necessarily a fixed belief system. Yeah, reverence. Reverence is good. Reverence and devotion, yeah. Reverence is the feeling of being one with and devotion is the activity. Right.

[54:17]

Yeah. But that's not the reality. As you said, it's not always. That's not all there is. Well, I think it's both.

[55:56]

It's both individual and collective. Each one of us contributes ourself wholeheartedly to our activity. Yeah. Okay. You mentioned that the resistance is fear. The resistance to just sort of... Well, it depends on what you're talking about. Accepting conditions as they are and being malleable and feeling secure in the universe that are in your mind. And yesterday, in your talk, you mentioned that Does the big mind care about the small mind?

[57:01]

Yes. Yes. That's a great question. Because does the universe care about me means that I'm separate from the universe, right? So when I let go of my separation, then it doesn't matter because I'm taking care of the universe and the universe is taking me because we're one thing. And whatever happens is correct, even whether we like it or not. The universe is taking care of me whether I like it or not. You know, it's like Tsukiroshi said, be careful about wanting enlightenment, because when you get it, you may not like it.

[58:05]

But yes, the universe is taking care of everybody, whether it likes us or not. We want to be liked by the universe. So, the way to be liked by the universe is to like the universe. Yes. Because people say, nobody loves me. Well, that's because you don't love anybody, of course. When you love everybody, people love you. So, when you love the universe, the universe loves you, even though the people you love may be cruel. Yes, cruelty is a part of life. Sorry. You know, we step on ants and stuff like that. We cut cabbages. We grow cabbages and cut them off and eat them. But it's not really cruelty.

[59:18]

Because I don't know what a cabbage feels. When I become a cabbage, I'll let you know. But you know, people are born in cabbage patches. As well as storks.

[59:40]

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