So, to begin with, I just want to remind us about breathing. I know you won't forget to breathe. But whether you forget or not, you will breathe. So, breathing is not really up to us. It's just something that nature's activity. So we can be aware of nature's activity by allowing our breath to have some freedom. And even though we may be having a difficult time to our breath doesn't become restricted.

[01:06]

So I want to remind us all to breathe, allow our breath to be deep. And when we find our breath coming up into our upper body to let go of the tenseness in our body and let the breath come down again. As you know, we follow the breath by paying attention to the rising and falling of our lower abdomen. When we inhale, the lower abdomen expands And when we exhale, it contracts. And this is where we should keep our attention in following our breath.

[02:14]

This is where our mudra is, and it's where our center, our energy, our key energy is. And you can put some effort into your hara here when you exhale. If you need to concentrate or if you have a lot of pain in your legs, and don't know what to do. When you exhale, put some pressure, some strength in your exhale as you feel your abdomen coming, going in.

[03:23]

A silent, hmm, to feel some pressure. And it's slightly aerobic. Yes. Sometimes I get notes from people who are complaining about other people's noise. I said it's silent. It's silent. I said it's silent. Yes. Silent. So don't disturb your neighbors with your moans and groans. So you can try doing that.

[04:27]

It might be helpful. In Rinzai Zazen, this is a prescription When they do Zazen, they put a lot of strength in the lower abdomen, on the exhale. In Soto Zen, we mostly just follow our breath, deeply. You can do this. You can put some strength in your lower abdomen. I don't recommend doing it all the time. You can do that sometimes, especially when you don't know what else to do, rather than uncrossing your legs to put you deeper into Zazen. I mean, last night, I just couldn't... allow the pain.

[05:51]

Did you just sort of grit your teeth and bear it? That's the other way to go. That's... Instead of gritting your teeth, Drop your jaw. Let go of everything. You can't fight it. It's not a fight. It's not a battle. It's a letting go. The reason that you can't accept it is because you're fighting it. You don't want it. I have tried to let go. I know. Keep trying. It'll work. Keep trying. Instead of, you know, when you put a finger in an enemy, it goes like this, right?

[07:01]

Or when you, a certain kind of grasp, you push your hand over and it goes like this. That's what you don't want to do. want to open up and whatever appears let it let it come in except you can also let it go out there's a saying the cool breeze blows through the empty hall so The more you have, the harder it is. So that's the only approach that works, is to just, instead of closing down, instead of fighting, to open up and just let something be there and pass through.

[08:17]

Is it better to uncross your legs than to fight it? What? Is it better to uncross your legs than to fight it? No. It's better to fight it than uncross your legs. Otherwise, you'll never find it. You have to go through your battles, you know. The battles that we have to go through, we have to go through. So we sit there, sometimes this is called the battleground of the heart and mind. But it's also called the comfortable way. You have to go through your battles until you give up. That's all. Until you can give up, you have to battle. You don't have to battle, but you have to.

[09:22]

until you finally just let go of everything. So let your mind follow the breath. First is posture. into posture and then to let the mind follow the breath as the rising and falling of your lower abdomen and you can tell when you're getting tense by whether your breath is rough or smooth or deep or shallow and to be aware of that and then when when your breath is rough and you can't find it You realize maybe your shoulders are getting tense.

[10:27]

This is battle, you know. Getting ready to battle or fear, you know. When it comes, we have fear. And so then fear makes us tense up. So at some point, we just have to like drop it all and just say, okay, come on. And then it's not so bad. You can sit with some ease. It's still there, but it's not so bad. It's still there, but we're not reacting to it. As long as you're not reacting to it, it's not a problem. The problem is our reacting. Somebody said, well, you know, if you sit, your legs, you know, Somebody told me that too much pain might damage your legs.

[11:27]

But actually, it's not the pain that damages your legs. It's your resistance. Pain will not damage your legs. It's our reaction, our clinging, our tensing up that damages our legs. So be careful. When you sit down, your effort should be to let go. Otherwise, how could we do this? But until you know that, you just keep, and you have to, you have to go through very painful, difficult periods of Zazen until you allow yourself So let go. That's why seven days, you know, is a good opportunity. Because it wears you down. Hopefully.

[12:32]

Finally, if you don't give up, then you'll finally settle. Don't give up. If you don't give up, then you finally will settle. But you can't settle if you do give up. That's why we say don't move. Otherwise, you don't have the opportunity to settle. Our mind always works in this dualistic way. And when your mind no longer is working in a dualistic way, then your mind will be settled. So that's the point, is to let go of our

[13:50]

dualistic thinking and settle in our original mind, which is always present but divided Go away. See, that's the problem. That's why it doesn't go away. Anything you hope for will be a problem. And I'm afraid that as the week goes on, it's going to get worse. All ye who enter here, give up hope. That's the most important thing. No hope. That's resistance.

[14:57]

That's fighting. I wish it would go away. I hope it goes away. The more you hope it goes away, the more it's there. The worse it gets. The more you hope it goes away, the worse it gets. You cannot hope that it goes away. You can just say, this is what's here. And it's here. And I've got it. Or, it's here. And I'm not going to grab onto it. But I'm going to let it be here. I'm not going to attach to it, but I'm going to let it be. You're here? Okay, you can be here with me. It's okay. You just stay here with me. As long as you want. I'm just going to sit Zazen. And you can be here too. Howdy. And just sit with it.

[16:01]

That's all you have to do. Says who? This is the key point. This is what we have to contend with. We're contending with this ego. Zazen is to drop body and mind. Drop doesn't mean, you know, like this, but it means let go of ego. Let go of this self. There's no fooling around. It's not just words. We have big egos, strong ego.

[17:11]

it keeps us from realization. It's okay to have ego, as long as it doesn't keep you from realization. Ego, in this sense, means thinking, false thinking, false understanding about who we are. So, you know, this is the easy way to confront the ego and to deal with it and to let go of it. It's the easy way to do it. Otherwise it takes lifetime after lifetime.

[18:23]

It's the crash course. Crash and burn. Oh, no. What you said about your Dante's quote. About the what? Your quote from Dante. Dante? Abandon all. Oh, I didn't know it was from Dante. It's above hell. Oh yeah. This is above the door of heaven. And hell. Well, he meant it to enter hell. I think you mean it to... I mean, it's a kind of descent into hell state, but at the same time not to be in that state, but not to be caught by it. Well, not really. In a sense, yes. What I mean by it is to give up all hope of anything that you want.

[19:41]

The second noble truth is the cause of our suffering is wanting. This is the proof of the Second Noble Truth. The cause of suffering is our wanting. I wish it would go away. That's the cause of suffering. As soon as we wish it would go away, we start suffering. Isn't that so? As soon as we don't want it, we suffer. Not getting what we want is a cause of suffering. Having what we don't want is a cause of suffering. Plus other things. Just name it!

[20:55]

Basically, those are the two main causes of suffering. What are the secret ingredients? The secret ingredient? The other thing. Oh, well, being with people who you don't want to be with. Not being with people who you do want to be with. Things like that. Variations on the theme. Creating suffering from the mind of non-discrimination. It's wonderful. But sometimes I can't do it. And I find at those times it helps if I make an active effort to cultivate compassion and friendliness and kindness towards the suffering. And it's on one side, but it seems to help.

[21:58]

Yes. Yeah, you know, it's very hard to do everything perfectly well. And so we fall off, and we get on, and we fall. And as I said yesterday, you know, the road is narrow, you know, in the beginning. In the beginning, it's kind of like walking a tightrope. But as you become better at it, it becomes a little broader, more like a sidewalk, And then it becomes like a rope. But even so, it's easy to fall off. Very easy to fall off. All we have to do is forget what we're doing and we fall off. And I think what you say is very good. To be compassionate with yourself and not to blame your surroundings. not to blame the practice, not to blame the people who are, you know, they're making me do this, you know.

[23:06]

I remember we used to have people come to Sishin and blame us, you know, for making them do these things. That's all your fault. And we should always look for the problem within ourself. That's very compassionate. The most compassionate thing we can do is look for the problem within ourselves and not blame ourselves at the same time. Not heap blame on ourselves. Oh, if I was only this, why am I not like that? How come I can't do it? I'm no good. It's terrible. You should really be compassionate with yourself. If you're really compassionate with yourself, you'll say, I know I can't do this, but I'm going to keep trying. I will just keep trying, even though it's really hard.

[24:08]

And there's nobody to blame, not circumstances and not myself. But here I am, doing this, and I just keep trying to do it. That's all it is. I'm here, and I'm doing this, and I'm just going to keep trying to do it the best way I can. That's all there is to it. It's quite simple. And there's no blame. And it's very compassionate. Because this gives rise, when you really take on your own suffering, your own difficulty, you have compassion for everyone. You look around you and you see how everybody else is having a difficult time and you feel compassion for their difficulty as well. And we have to realize that the suffering that you're going through is the basis of your enlightenment.

[25:20]

I know that's hard to picture, you know, because That's not what you pictured as enlightenment. You thought that enlightenment was the end of your suffering. But within this suffering is where our enlightenment abides, right in the midst of it. And your suffering will bring it out. People don't get enlightenment without this difficulty. You have to get to the bottom of your suffering. You have to go down all the way to the bottom of your suffering. And then enlightenment will spring forth, which is already there, of course. Ken? Oh, Peter. which is divided.

[26:34]

I expect I had some kind of a rosy picture of where there's a line, which is divided. I was struck by that. Yeah. It was like a slapper. It wasn't that bad, but it just surprised me. Why would that surprise you? I guess I don't think of original mind as being divided. Oh, no. I said divisional mind was not divided. It's not divided. Thank you. Although it has many divisions. All of us are its divisions, aspects of its divisions. But, you know, when we talk about soul, most Religions talk about soul as each individual, as an individual soul. And soul does mean individual, you know, solo.

[27:38]

And in Buddhism we don't talk about a soul because we don't talk about individuals having souls. But you can stretch, you can think of soul in Buddhism as there is one soul and that one soul is the same soul of all of us. We don't have an individual soul. There's just one soul that manifests as these individuals. So when we let go of everything, we all meet in the same place. That's how we truly know each other. That's why we say you and I are not different, although we have our differences.

[28:48]

You are you and I am me. But basically, we are not different. Yeah, that's what buddha nature is. It's the same. Everything is buddha nature. Originally. Intrinsically. Everything has buddha nature. Dogen said everything is buddha nature. Given the arousal of compassion, which you refer to as commendable towards oneself and one's neighbors, I don't see why it's necessary

[30:01]

why would that why would that why wouldn't the person sitting next to you consider that a part of their of what's of them of what's their surrounding is as much as the wind or any why why is why can't we it's okay with me i've never complained about it i thought you said because I did say that. I did say that. The final thrust of the outward breath, in a quiet way. Yeah, make it quiet. Because we're disturbing neighbors. But I've never complained about somebody breathing too... I just allow things to disturb me, if they disturb me. And if they don't, and if they don't disturb me, they don't. But usually they don't. So that wasn't... But some people get disturbed So because some people get disturbed, we ask people to be quiet. It doesn't disturb me, but some people are disturbed by it.

[31:17]

And so we ask, you know, if somebody's sitting next to you all day, it can be disturbing. So I remember there was one guy, Dwight Way, used to come over and he sounded like the water going down the bathtub at the end. It was disturbing because it was so amusing. Once I heard Thich Nhat Hanh say that you didn't have to be a martyr to practice Buddhism. No, don't be a martyr. Just let go of your mind and body. For myself, I feel like I'm flunking Buddhism over and over again.

[32:23]

I described, you know, in a little bit, I was listening to you where you keep trying even though you Right. Me too. We're all in the same boat. Really? Yeah. I'm a failure. This is the first time I've heard you say that. No, I've said it before. We're all failures. I think that you have to be a That's going too far. The thing is, every one of us is in a different place. And there are factors of, a lot of different factors, you know. And the main thing is not how successful you are at being perfect.

[33:27]

I'm not talking about how to be perfect. I am talking about how to do something completely. But I'm not talking about how to be perfect. I'm talking... Each one of us does the best we can. That's the main point. If you do the best you can, that already is a kind of enlightenment in this practice. But there is a point where we let go. And even though you may not have reached that point, you should continue to practice.

[34:30]

It doesn't mean you should stop practicing, or that you're no good, or... You will reach that point if you continue. I think the only time it's not okay to be a failure is when we have that secret hope that we're going to be really good. And I think it's really important to keep exposing that ambition and goal, and that's what makes it not all right to keep failing. Yeah, that's very true. This expectation, this hope and this goal, you should realize that enlightenment is not at the end of the road, but it's within your effort. That's why having the people have the hardest time seems like you're failing, actually.

[35:36]

It's the best, what can I say? Very pure. Very pure, thank you. Very pure practice. That's actually pure practice. To really have this difficult time and stay with it and do your utmost, pure practice. where Suzuki Roshi always used to say that people who have the hardest time, you know, have always turned out to be the most enlightened Zen masters. So you never know. I have great hopes for you, Jay. When you talk about letting go, it sounds like it's got capital letters and it happens once.

[36:43]

Oh no, it has to happen moment by moment forever. That's the whole point. Because I feel like I let go and then bang I'm right back in there and then I let go again and I'm right back in there. Yes, good. But when I listen to you I feel like, oh someday I'm going to get to this giant letting go and everything's going to be great. Oh yeah, you let go and everything will be But it will be. The thing is, everything will be great because you will be able to accept everything just as it is. But aren't I just going to immediately fall back into hoping and wanting and not... Well, maybe, maybe not. You're already predicting the future. You're already hoping that you will fall back into the old way.

[37:44]

Either way, you know. Just stop the hope thing. Just be where you are with what you have. That's all. And it's very simple. Just be where you are with what you have. And let it be there. That's all. the incompletion of those within that particular endeavor?

[38:53]

Well, doing things completely thoroughness, doing something thoroughly means doing one thing at one time. The best, with as much of you that you can muster. Right, that's the turning point to me. As much of you as you can muster, that means that you don't perfect it. There's always something left out. Nothing's ever complete. Nothing's ever... Whatever you do includes everything. That's the point. It's not how much. It's not a matter of quantity. It's a matter of thoroughness, which includes everything. So the thoroughness doesn't mean that you're doing something and all the ingredients are there.

[39:55]

It means that you're thoroughly non-dual. When you do one thing, you do it without ego. without self-centeredness. That's thoroughness. To do something egoistly, to do something non-self-centeredly, is thoroughness. That's completely. And the results don't make any difference. Well, it's not that the results don't make any difference. It's just that we're not attached to the results. Right. Of course results make a difference. But if it doesn't turn out, if something doesn't happen, you're not attached to that. So each one of us has our own perfection, which includes all of our so-called mistakes.

[41:27]

I'm rushing through to do each task. And what I'm hearing is, it's okay to rush through as long as I rush through with full attention, with my full, I don't know how else to say it, my fullness there, as opposed to rushing through with part of my fullness saying, but you gotta hurry up, you gotta hurry up, you gotta do this, you gotta do that. Is that? To rush through with calm mind. To rush through with calm mind is not rushing. What about when your mistakes hurt other people? What? What about when your mistakes hurt other people? Mistakes hurt other people. Well, that's what I was going to talk about. Because I was talking about Gakkado Yojinshu, wasn't I?

[43:00]

Shishogi, yeah, I was talking about Shishogi. And I talked about the first point. And the second point is repentance. That's what I was going to talk about today, but it's too late. But I will talk about your question for a minute. When you hurt somebody, then you have compassion and you feel repented. You know, I'm sorry. That's repentance, a form of repentance. Tomorrow, I'll talk about repentance, about what we do when we hurt others, what we do when we hurt ourselves, how to think about what does that mean in a deep sense, not just a superficial sense.

[44:12]

and the nature of transgression.

[44:20]

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