Sitting With The Busy Mind

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thought i'd start off today
the
come back to suzuki roshi
with from sunlight beginner's mind called mind this is the chapter on mind waves
when you're practicing sauce and do not try to start your thinking
let us stop by itself
if something comes into your mind let to come in and let it go off it will not stay long when you try to stop you're thinking and means you're bothered by it don't be bothered by anything it appears as if something comes from outside your mind but factually is only the waves of your mind and
and if you're not bothered by the waves gradually they will become calmer and calmer

so when we sit ashamed
usually when we're confronted with in some way or another ah our desire and aversion liking and disliking this can take the form of thoughts
as well as other experiences that we have

this is the third day of machine
and
we've had some time to probably said with things we like and things we don't like

as someone with a very busy monday
i've often come this machine hoping for some com
and i've often occurred people over the years having done many lawns machines
kind of have this
way of tackling at which is well you know if i could put in my time when the cushion if i suffer enough maybe you know things are eventually gonna stop

i've spent a number of times in my life you know trying to protect us machine how it will go but if it's never really lived up to
fortunately it has never ah lived up to my expectations or been what i expected to fully better way to say it
it used to be you know after three days things would be calm on and then it would start up again a lot of the agitation and been caught up them
busy ness or likes and dislikes
ah

but really sixteen is about letting go moment after moment

i want to go on just a little bit

nothing comes from outside your mind usually we think of our mind is receiving impressions and experiences from outside but that is not a true understanding of our mind the to understanding as if the mind includes everything when you
send something comes from outside it means only that something appears in your mind
nothing outside your mind can cause you any trouble
so here we're in the situation which is both very constricted and very free
we come into sixteen and we have the intention that we're going to sit still
for however many days for here could be one day for some of its at seven days and aside from jobs
and going to docusign a practice discussion basically or attention had our intention is to sit still so we're not moving it's a constricted physical posture
and also it's okay to move sometimes our practices to try not to move to try and resist harm fixing the discomforts
so we tried to remain still no matter what is going on in the mind or the body
if something uncomfortable comes up we don't try to get out of it by shifting to another position for leaving the santo

but then on the other hand this is it's very freeing which is also not so easy because what we do with our minds while we're in this still posture
and freedom is something we talk about that we want but
it isn't so easy to have mental freedom because here our minds will just have
cause us have a whole kinds of suffering
and so it's very easy to see how
these causes are internal
we're sitting facing a wall
but often were tormented by things
are we want to control our minds which is something that it's actually impossible

your practice and delusion
that's all we really have his delusion
to work with
when i started on quite a number of years ago
i could i knew that i could not sit one breath that was a fact for me
the thing meditation instructions for too hard
the idea following the breath
was not possible because of not just having a busy mind but actual inability to concentrate
so the reason i was able to start sitting was because i decided as good as said and not even try to follow the was gonna start just with the posture
it was too much to ask to actually pull the my back onto the breath
but eventually after taking the taking on the physical posture for actually but i think was months before i could start a laugh
to begin to folk to focus on the breath

this a sound a certain level what i'm talking about it is very common arm and a lot of people have difficulty with the busy-ness of their minds
hon
he had actually it really can cause a lot of suffering on
because i have actually had difficulties that i think
art
a little bit more intense on in that i have found over the years certain things like car
re reading or reading as a big part of my job but i find myself reading the same paragraphs over and over and over because of not being able to control the actual movement of my mind
and ah
pay attention
sometimes listening is very difficult
and fairly recently i actually consulted someone about this
and because i was concerned about it because frequently i would be the middle of a conversation with someone and actually forget either forget what i was talking about or on
completely disappear into some other earth internal world
and i've actually gotten some feedback from people who are close to me about that and they they were offended by it actually and thought that i found them boring and that i wasn't interested in what they were saying and that was very painful to hear
ear that because i've always valued my relationships friendships storm of friends all sorts of people is being in a primary in my life but and and to hear that somebody would think that i actually was not interested in what they were saying on was very
difficult on and painful to take
so i would always say to them you know are you kidding
course i'm interested in what you're saying
but and i would say that i couldn't help it which is actually true
ah that that i couldn't help this mine ah going off in a million directions and then a fairly recently i was told the
some of the things that i have difficulty with describe certain kind of attention problems now i don't want to go into that exactly on because that's not relevant here own except to say that
since something that i don't have control over and i actually have finally come after so many years to understand that and the mind really isn't something we have control over and the bodies of something we have control over

but despite all that
it's important to develop concentration to practice concentration

i noticed the hosts on the other day said something to the effect that concentration wasn't his strong point and i wanted to raise my hand say me neither
but what came to my mind was on the eightfold path and that there's right concentration but there's also right effort and i've always been thought the buddha was very compassionate when it came up with the eightfold path i mean certainly
is true that on enlightenment has all these different aspects to us it's not just one thing to a concentration it's right effort right livelihood et cetera
so i was very relieved to be able to acknowledge to myself that my concentration may be poor but i have effort

so i'm thinking about the eightfold path
and
the fact that they really boil down to three things concentration morality and wisdom

so so we may have all this
things going on in our minds that may be annoying
but
the real point of it
his first to recognize
they're impermanence and their unsatisfactory ness
and there
and not having a self
the fact that they don't really exist as solid things

we have the opportunity to see of mind objects or thoughts for just what they are
they don't just
happened to us

we have to be open to all the things that arise in the mind

they terrify than tie for a smug teacher i'll shaw says that to develop samadhi don't have to bottle from mind up that's not part of it that's not that's not the way that you do it by putting a lid on it
and it's not to prefer one thought to another that they're a good thoughts and they're bad thoughts
the basically treat all thought the same
we often get ourselves into trouble by far either wanting to get rid of all thoughts as though there's a thoughtless state
or how to get rid of some and and prefer the others
some sauces if you hold onto love of version will follow
this is ricky ross he says hum
it's better to hard it's better to have filled will have that an idea of being good
professor
if you have if you have ill will and you see that
that's different that's better than
having this idea about being a good science student for that you only have good thoughts

so this practice is really about letting go of everything over and over again
we can't get to this one point say
oh i can stop there
because inevitably
ah
whatever we whatever we're trying to push away well
come back

suzuki roshi goes on to say when you have something in your consciousness you do not have perfect composure
the best way towards perfect composure to forget everything then your mind is calm and it is wide and clear enough to see and feel things as they are without any effort
the best way to find perfect composure is not to retain any idea of things whether they whatever they may be to forget all about them not to leave any trace her shadow of thinking

don't try to stop your mind but leave everything as it is

i know i haven't been speaking for very long pondered roles said something yesterday about pub dharma talks should be short
i actually prefer dialogue
yes
true
i'm thinking about how this focus our attention is brought up again and again and how it had objects her would give us feedback is a subtle ways such as if you go to for you couldn't it which should be cut your finger in the super heavy heavy your time
if your friend or listen to your friend and heard him say where are these as he could get it attaches the
get ever objects for more forgiving and from
you can put out of and other objects yeah when relating to both in a lottery tickets shouldn't have offer suggestion about how the
the practice of mindfulness for routed as objects
our attention and finishes his support of and objects especially or or because the people that for practice cigarette
i always thought
people were more forgiving to do say is to say inanimate objects are more forgiving growth we don't we don't hear about or i noted yesterday and will i find ourselves reading a paragraph over over again the book is accounts and of the face since i'm whereas a
a person may actually say take your word for i feel out of your fear for his efforts by fee away from because the thief accordingly however but you notice if it's not hard to suggest you if you drove me to work ethic
for you're asking how this mindfulness working with inanimate objects can affect
people are relationship to people because you have said that fewer say that for i was with to i care for further with center's not at all try out for a better
well
i think that a lot of our our what we do during our with our jobs here in the sandow and a period in our really oriented towards on
how to think that you know into whatever we're doing we're paying complete attention
on
i think you can also do that while you're in engaged with someone in the hard way that you might while you're chopping a carrot you can you can do the same practice home i personally find it easier to engage with people than him out of the objects
on
but i think brilliance covered everything that you do
this the same practice really
to me and two things
maybe i'm not kiss the sense that the first one you gave her footsteps quote from token something about establish your practice interpretation yes and techniques
well i meant a particular thing when i brought it up in this context which is we are only where we are right now
we can't try to be someplace else or decide oh i'm gonna really practice when i'm in a better mood or when i have better concentration
hmm we met you may be suffering now and not want to sit at all or you may be miserable and self critical that you're not being a proper cents student or whatever but what whatever it is that's where you practice and
so he says established your practice and delusion he start right now this is the only moment there really isn't anything else
i'm i'm just like to say that convenience on night
i will set talking again with leslie about for recounting for experience being with her father when he was dying
and
she said ah as i recall her don't want her to so it's exactly the same caution said that
she had had the opportunity to be in this situation where
things were happening moment to moment
and she didn't know what i'm going to be and even though she became very tired she wanted to stay awake because she didn't wanna miss something
and i thought that made complete sense and i i have been
i kind of using that i don't want to miss something as on a the past that
and i add things to me it's very interesting me i think off and was a cancer shame
we many of us what things to be absolutely silent we get very annoyed if people are making noise i tend to have gotten annoyed in the past when people are walking in have and i've i've heard people complaining that person sitting next and breathes two hundred
for and
and they don't say please stop reading by of complicates to that you know how to paris
if it is if i take this position that i'm attributing to leslie and i apply it then instead of being annoyed by office my view is i don't miss anything so i'm just listening to all the stuff i'm not trying to figure
around not try to make sense out of i trying to think why is this person reading this way are wired and walking or why is that trump won by whatever was or tweeting you know i just i'm trying to not miss anything and for me that's a very interesting
ah kind of opening up of respective now you know of a change by the afternoon but
it's more accepting of what's going on rather than fighting and wishing it was getting on well i think that's a really good practice i mean it sounds like you're practicing awareness sometimes the language you're using life sounds a little bit on like you might
try not to miss anything can be another form of fun desire of course it came on but the idea
what your i understand what you're saying yeah i think that's a good thing i mean there's a whole japanese poem which i can't remember exactly how it goes but has something to do with you know you can't see the moon unless you see the flower that's blocking part of the moon
the you know
you don't seem empty space if you only understand in the context of what kenneth
so on
there are a lot of
things have i'm going on and it's really our relationship to it and you're describing of course you know having a to noise which i think is really comment on we're really here the experienced things as they are not
as we would like them to be i think a key thing and what leslie said caesar was when she said police key for me when i mentioned she said
is she didn't know what was the hundred she'd know what so she was really not trying to make something out of its perch as i understood it she was she didn't have an idea she know her father's and tie that choose a i'm understand senior because his side felt cheated to be
there and turned out he died that and some each change that happened she didn't know what's gonna happen in our hands etc sir so i guess have said yeah i think that's a really great point i mean
so much for teaching is about not knowing and what is knowing you know we want to know things but we can't know them and are being open to the next moment without trying to figure out what it is a predict what it is or sphere what it is haha is is really
and awakened practice
hum
well thank you
hes can
may be somewhat similar fields littlefinger to the warfare of them from joining practicing with this competition and was and possibly it's a wave
are not getting caught by
what we pick up was brought up costs for not reacting to what we had to spare parts are fine the
her watches my body by monitor is time fix so but i feel pain in my legs i can sometimes sake
sense of gratitude about my body's trying to protect me the to really feel a sense of wonder if that my body respond but it's kind of to that way
so if for such different for the for contracts on him with my mind
it's hard sometimes or other for
like of iraq in my reader for cross and i'll be what it will activate a faster than somebody our system which is
the ridiculous matters
but then to to look about and say well
i'm really competitive white drivers for competitive federation of india to be competitive and then
so that far rather than powdered value associated with a vicious taught me suffering and like a book about i don't need to pursue it any further that but so far there's something wrong way that feels put my worth is tied to
he looked it will suffer him so america a girl to just her
hum
it feels free to have an attitude that twist things that come up with your body to purchase combat
have profound effects
and also you're inclined to not judging them rough i think that's attract the we often get into is judging our thoughts are judging what you know body pain or around
competitiveness whatever with whatever how did we find ourselves in
he's letting go of that judgment the same time
catherine
i'm fed up with cassette really radical statement pet suzuki roshi made which is nothing outside your mind can complete completed
and but popped into my mind when he said that was well a wonder how she did with that when his wife was murdered and when you how it didn't sound and his daughter died
and not a contrary and kind of oh gotchas to suitcase home but thinking about how it is when we do with his practice in the midst of somerset really catastrophic things that can happen in a person's life
and that happened not necessarily to oneself but to someone we love
and
and i was from little dream of a with friends talking about how she practiced laying low in the icu while she was sitting with her sister as she died from a suicide attempt and how she just
kept letting go and it
that made it possible to be there with her sizzler reflect there was still an extraordinary pain and that was coming on i
interested in that
the wondering if you could talk a little bit about the role of hat keine you know the pain perhaps that you felt when someone you really care about said hey wait a minute no can be paying attention to me on you here with me
i'm
well i don't see anywhere word efforts as pain goes away
home
the term suffering really and the meaning of it as an unsatisfactory this is really different i think from pain
i have the same thought you did same response when i read that line at first as azuki roshan said
the
if he's in the mind the way he says this is all within our mind because it's our minds that experiences events are losing someone we love suffering out in the world so it is our mind experienced signal
however
i don't think we're really trying to make our pain some of us may be but we we we can't
make our pain go away i think and nor do we want to extend
from part of this path is to
we've we feel the suffering of other people and we want to
make it better
and it's hard to really
and what that means really changes on you can
so i think you have to feel that pain in order to really do the appropriate thing for example what this description of this person being with her sister dying from a suicide attempt this extremely painful
and i think if she removed herself from the situation she would have been no help
and so we have to be willing to suffer
i mean a lot of this practice here the we're doing is our willingness to suffer

design answering a question thinking of river
yes sir
he was very interested in their safety of
do not try to stop your life
precursor of course we're trying to concentrate
and perhaps a related discipline her mind but i'm finally at this history perhaps for line between
focusing and repressed and can be kind of a signal
i got outside stimuli was fine work life than shook her reaching for cliff sort of a crescendo very grateful to be able to be very the
since the civil icf me
that provides sort of an infant deniable and get like the tsunami of thought this is inescapable so
so i'm still learning this gem outrageous compromise
how the activity of my just have to be and a pen
but it's face comes fact soup a sixty on attachments
is providing the difference in

the i don't think those
the mind doesn't stop
the mice think you know if been part as a function in the mind thanks
i have compassion for you because i
i am in that situation often
can i think just
making friends with that state of mind i remember when i first started sitting as i was describing when i could not sit for one breath without a barrage of thoughts i was ready to him trumpets cutting through spiritual materialism and he said
that meditation is not about controlling mind it's about making friends with the mind or peace with the mind
please
really like free
return each talk this three days to let him go
the practice of letting of not just let go that it's some interesting
oh
the that
the more times the letting go
habits or his practice
the easier in getting for me to see of its title i go ahead
so that
oh
this that
girl is on such grief
let's let's go
i think the face that we can let go comes from having done it so many times even though what we're what we let go of cases it's not find out if things keep a rising we keep clinging wiki having for versions but over time i think that's where our faith
develops
because repeated practice one exercise that i was hot with this past summer
at a retreat
the idea of taking three vials full breaths
and then using the mantra open up to not do it
and wait and watch when doing started
it was
but there's there's some how does to site
in the midst of of of ways
creating just a little space and then watching them all from bacteria that this that respite if opens the sense of that's what that space is
thank you yeah
a kind of one more diameter canada
well as a couple of things that made try to get much sharon said to him
how the first insight into we can and talking about fired for the teaching once about
a getting very curious teams are sitting practice so that instead of having his attentions to
like we've been discussing which thoughts away to be curious kind of life what's behind them like i'm fine wrapping
mine for your cassette quick maybe the initial size on competitive but as there's something behind that and a favor for whatever so then sides or that i'm thinking another thing keeps coming up from
not show much iran in one of her books
we've said
you know are always so busy talking to the world you never had the opportunity to let it speak to us
when i was thinking
that perhaps a speaking part we're so busy talking our thoughts with not a similar thoughts is how we conceptualize and and it makes them something that possibly they're not
but i'm not sure if that's the right view and i'm wondering
ah
well
those being also tied together the ntsb hi all that that we can experience and skills the frees us up
when you first brought up the fact that palm you see different kinds of thoughts and looking into them
generally you know in our practice we don't want to analyze some
on we want to see thoughts appear but we don't investigate from too much intellectually while we're sitting because of that because we over really practicing this letting go so we want to just more see the impermanence of them rather than analyze them but
that being said we do practice on
me to precepts for example you know we do practice the good and refrain from evil so there is that now in terms of your the second party or question though i'm not sure i understood
what else china via with the camera yeah also on which it said was over a number was she said something like we're so busy in our lives and everything speaking to the world like we're so busy thinking thinking thinking you never have those
gas so that the will speak to us and let it teach us
nostrils highness
kind of were choosing the saying about this talk vision and having spent a week
in hospital with my step mom she was a sign
i totally get that and retribution
this is talking to or as there's something thomas something but i'm not sure if this the speaking that we're so busy speaking as that as protect sexualizing in making our thoughts to be a real that's a year ago i think with you know with a seed of the discursive thinking
the things become more and more real even though they're not yes we do contribute to making them very solid on a moment by moment basis but puzzles and practices to is meant to actually i do that precisely so but but by
letting go of each thought slowly we're opening more and more space so they can actually listen and be more open to the next moment without having an idea in your mind about what that's gonna be so what leslie was describing and maturity with
describing about really being able to rest and awareness of the present moment to have that openness or takes practice and that is really what we're doing in zazen
it may not seem so deep all the time but it is
so yes they have they're very
completely in turn connected
so i'm sorry i went over i said it would be sure
thank you for listening safer speaking