I was wondering, for how many of you, it is your first one-day sitting? Okay. I was remembering my first one-day sitting, which I sat at the San Francisco Zen Center, and I had been sitting usually one period a day, and then I started sitting two periods a day, which was a big leap to do two in a row. I remember. And then I thought, well, it's time to sign up for one-day sitting, and that was an enormous stretch. It was far more than just adding a few periods of zazen. My mental state was very ragged, and I remember looking around the room at a meal, and one

[01:17]

of my friends or acquaintances who lived in the building was sitting very calmly with the orioke in front of him, and I remember looking at him and thinking, how can he just sit there so quietly? I was just dying, I was just dying. And looking at him, just the glance at this person was an encouragement. It was like, this is possible. People can just sit quietly. He now is a professor of Buddhist studies at Stanford. So even if it's not our first one-day sitting, even if we've sat in many, many one-day sittings, I just wanted to, I think the main import of my talk or the main encouragement for me

[02:25]

and hopefully for you is to really put our effort into the day. And I know what often happens, and happens for me, is we think, I'm going to sign up for the one-day sitting, great, I really want to, oh, it'll be really great, take this time for myself, not worry about anything and not phone calls, and just really sit a lot. And then we get here, and it's what Kadagiri Roshi calls the first motivation, that kind of feeling of, yes, I really want to do this, and that kind of true spirit. When we get here, often we think, oh, God, it's such a gorgeous day, I really wish I went to the beach, the summer's almost gone, this is the end, and I'm going to waste this day inside all day long, and green gulch is so beautiful, and I'm not even going to get to walk down to the gardens, and I really should have gone shopping because there's

[03:29]

a big sale, and I mean, just everything you can think of arises where you really should have been. So when we have this chance to spend the day in mindfulness and zazen, or zazen mindfulness, practicing with our body and mind, we often forget that first motivation that we had, and start seeking and wishing that we were somewhere else, which is kind of very similar to other days of our week. So, I wanted to encourage myself and everyone to leave off wishing we were somewhere else,

[04:33]

and all the other things we could possibly do today, and bring ourselves back to our body and mind, and bring forth the effort, the joyful effort of mindfulness and our zazen practice without anything else in mind. Just really make a kind of vow, or back to that first motivation, why we signed up for it in the first place. Now, some of you may be residents in Green Gulch and have to sit every other one, but back to your first motivation of why you even came to Zen Center, if you have to go back that far, and try to call that up, because here's this day that we've set aside for

[05:35]

more intensive practice, and it's for you. It's not for Green Gulch, it's not for the Buddha or somebody else. This is for you. This day is really for you. So in the Fukan Zazen Gi, the universal admonitions for zazen, it says, it's basically instructions for zazen, it says, cast aside all involvements and cease all affairs. Do not think good or bad. Do not administer pros or cons. Basically just check all that stuff at the door, and just enter into this practice.

[06:38]

Recently I had a visitor, and they have a very busy life, very pressured, they're tenured at a university in Southern California, and they have what they describe as they hate being alone, they can't stand being alone, so what they end up doing is joining various committees and signing up for this, and someone asks them to be chair of the National Yada Ya, and they say great, and their life is, besides their full-time job, they have all these other commitments, and they work into the evening, and phone calls, and it's every single day is like that. And they came out here, and here is this day that stretched before them, and there was time to, well, we took a walk down to the ocean, and watched the waves, and then we walked

[07:45]

back up, and we looked at horses on the way, and we chatted, and we had nice lunch, bread soup and salad, and then we had some tea, and we sat out in the sun, and then we looked at a few things, and they saw the kids, and the day just kind of flowed like that, and for me it was not too different from a lot of Sundays, but for this person, they said afterwards, they gave me a call, it was this wonderful day, it was so spacious, and no pressure, and no phone calls, and no having to be anywhere, and they just felt so great. So my feeling of the one-day sitting is kind of like that, there's time to take your place and adjust your posture, you know, my cushions, I sit on these square cushions because I have

[08:51]

sciatica, and if I sit on a round cushion, it presses on the sciatic nerve, which is this nerve about as fat as your thumb, and it runs, or at least right as it runs under your buttocks, and the cushion doesn't work for me, so Jerry had to go and run and get my cushions, but so taking the time to really adjust yourself and find your posture, each period as I was in, unhurriedly, there's no hurry, really stretch, before you sit, you sway to the right and to the left, and you exhale as you go down, inhale as you come up to center, exhale as you go down, sometimes you hear your vertebrae go pop, [...] pop as you go down, move your neck, taking the time to do that, because you have the time today to do this, actually for every period as I was in, there's time to bring

[10:00]

yourself to your body, bring yourself there, feeling what that's like to stretch out your side body, you know, what does that feel like, and to bring yourself to that sensation, and there's time to appreciate sitting there quietly, and the sounds of green gulch, there's time to do that today. I was listening to NPR and there was an 86-year-old man being interviewed by Terry Gross on Fresh Air, my favorite program, and he was talking about his growing up, and she was asking him to make some remarks about modern day life and computers and cars and planes and how he grew up, and he was talking about the horse and buggy, how he used to love the sound of the clop, clop, clop of the horse and buggy as it went down the street

[11:03]

in front of his house, and how he missed that, and he missed, he said then there was time to read and time to make presents, make gifts for people instead of buying them or ordering them from the catalog, and there was time to listen to stories and to tell stories. So that reminded me of kind of the feeling of the one-day sitting, there's this time kind of spacious, and, you know, I was coming up after breakfast up to my house and I was thinking how happy I felt, I just felt very happy, and remembering how unhappy a person I have been in the past, and, you know, the experience of this unhappiness was like I was

[12:07]

dismembered, you know, I was just scattered, I was kind of all over the map or all over the, my mind was, you know, I didn't know where I was standing, where I was, what I was eating, what I was not eating, very, and then doing sort of repetitive actions over and over again without being able to stop or look at it or examine it or, it was kind of insane, really, it's a kind of insanity, kind of crazy way of living to be. And I couldn't, I think I mentioned this before, but I couldn't really enjoy things very much. Like a beautiful day, I remember feeling at one point, this is probably a beautiful day out here that people are enjoying, and feeling that I couldn't, like, you know, blue sky,

[13:09]

fresh air, it was like, it was all lost on me, because I was so, what do we say, untogether, I was untogether, you know, I was dismembered in some way. So I traveled in Europe during this time, and I remember standing in front of masterpieces, I knew there were masterpieces, like, Gilberti's Golden Doors in Florence, I don't know if you've been there, but they're these, the doors to the baptistry, and they're gold, and they're very intricate panels, each with a Bible scene in bas-relief, and they're fabulous, or so I was told. And I remember standing there in front of these doors, and thinking, this is a masterpiece of the world. Look at it, you numbskull, you know? And it was like, okay, I'm looking, I'm looking, and it was like numbness, there's, I couldn't,

[14:13]

I couldn't enjoy anything, or feel anything, you know, this racing mind going on all the time. So, out of that despair and unhappiness, I was introduced to sitting, and found Zazen to be, actually, it wasn't something I could do, really. I mean, I didn't know how to do it, but there was nothing else I could do in the world that made any sense, so I might as well just sit down and shut up, you know, as Kakeguro-shi would say, sit down, shut up. So I would just do that, and that seemed to help me stay out of trouble, at least a little bit.

[15:17]

So, out of that sitting down and not talking, and, you know, sometimes people don't know even what their Zazen practice is. If you ask them, what is your Zazen practice, they may be stymied, like, well, gee, I don't know, I guess I sit there and, well, are you counting your breath? No. Are you following your breath? No. Are you just sitting? Are you doing Shikantaza? I don't know, you know. And I think that's actually, in some ways, that's okay, you know, to actually get yourself to your cushion and just sit there and not, and just stay out of trouble, you know. That may be okay for a time. Suzuki Roshi, in describing Shikantaza, talks about, it's not just sort of sitting around like any old way you might be sitting around, thinking about whatever.

[16:32]

Actually it's a very aware sitting without an object of meditation, without an object outside, but so aware that, you know, if someone moves way down at the other end of the Zendo, adjust their posture, you are aware of it, you know, or the door opens and closes. So it's an awareness and aliveness, but just sitting, you're not necessarily following your breath or, so out of your posture, taking this posture and sitting in awareness, but just sitting, not something particular. So some of you may be doing just sitting or wanting to do just sitting, so you might ask

[17:33]

yourself, am I awake enough to notice and note, you know, someone moving way over on the other side of the Zendo? Others of you, and I might suggest that if you don't know what you're doing in Zazen or haven't thought about it or sort of try one thing and then say, well that's not working very well, maybe I'll try something else, how about, let's see, I'm kind of bored with counting, I'll try following, following, okay, following. I would like to suggest that you take up, maybe for the whole day, decide on a particular practice to do in Zazen, and counting is a wonderful practice, and I know that during one session, Suzuki Roshi suggested that everybody count, and he was going to count his breath

[18:35]

as well. So just to say a few words about counting, first of all, we take the posture, and I mean to take your time, whatever your posture is, cross-legged or Seiza if you're sitting in a chair, really take the time to adjust yourself, I say this every one day sitting, find your sitting bones, maybe right now think of those sitting bones as two little feet that should be even on your cushion, are they even, can you feel them, are they balanced? And then having your neck paralleled with the wall, so just picture your neck and the wall, and have them parallel, and keeping your neck very still, pull in on your chin and feel like you're pulling up and holding up the ceiling, so you're not crunching your

[19:41]

neck back, you leave your neck in a very neutral but parallel to the wall, and then you pull in on your chin, and make your ears in line with your shoulders, and your nose in line with your navel, and this belly, you know, you undo your belt and your buttons so you really can breathe through here, and out of this careful attention to your posture you become aware of your breath, kind of naturally you become more aware of your breath, so I want to read to you something Suzuki Roshi says about exhaling, so, and I think this goes for both counting your breath and Shikantaza, this feeling of the exhale, so for, I'd like

[20:53]

to suggest for counting that you count your exhale as one, so you exhale out one, and then inhale and exhale out two, all the way up to ten, so when the calmness of your mind is beyond the end of your exhaling, and if you exhale smoothly, without even trying to exhale, you're entering into the complete perfect calmness of your mind, so this feeling with the exhale of having it go all the way out very, very smoothly, and have your calmness extend even beyond the exhale, the moment beyond the end of the exhale, some calmness, and then the inhale comes in of itself, you're entering into the complete perfect calmness of your mind, you do not exist anymore, in the complete calmness of your mind, all your

[22:00]

blood will be cleansed, and naturally your inhaling will start from there, so you exhale out all this, all the air out, out, out, and then when you inhale you take in all this fresh air, bring oxygen in throughout your whole body, refreshing every cell in your body, and that fresh blood will carry what is necessary from outside to pervade your body, to refresh your body, you will be completely refreshed, and you will start to exhale, to extend that fresh feeling into emptiness, so moment after moment, without trying to do anything, you continue Shikantaza. So I'd like everyone to bring, everyone to bring our attention,

[23:06]

everyone to bring one's attention to this exhale, and what we may find is that our stomach is really tight, like you can't, you may not even be able to find down here, this lower abdomen, it may feel so tight, or you're holding really tight there, so that might be interesting for you to note or notice a tightness down there, an inability to let that air go out all the way, like holding it back, you might feel, so don't try to kind of force it through, I think the feeling is smooth and gentle, and you don't want to kind of roughhouse yourself into what was described here, there's no way to get there by kind of wrestling, you know, this is, you know, bring your own attention to this lower part, and if it's tight and scared,

[24:11]

and like a steel clamps, something like that, then just bring your attention to that, and know that this is very tight here, and bring your consciousness and breath here, but don't try to force through, okay, and bring, maybe bring warmth, can you feel warmth there, and where your baby fingers, your baby fingers actually graze your belly, so about four fingers below your belly, or two inches, is where your baby fingers should be grazing, okay, so your hands aren't lying in your lap, and they're not being held way high, and they're not at your navel, but they're below, okay, and this round shape, and bring that there, and there's, you can actually feel the warmth of your baby fingers right there, and you can bring warmth there, and you can just note, you know, steel trap,

[25:18]

or whatever you want to call it, or maybe it's soft, and you can feel that smooth exhale going out, and going beyond the calmness, beyond the end of the exhale, and from there inhaling, and exhaling, so if you're counting, counting exhale one, all the way out, and inhale of itself, and exhale two, inhale of itself to ten, so when you inhale, this area fills up down here, and when you exhale, it kind of goes down, and fills up, so if you can bring your attention down low to this area,

[26:32]

to your belly, and harmonize your body and breath, and your mind stays with your breath, so your mind is going with this, and that's harmonizing your body, breath, and mind. Here's some more of what Suzuki Roshi says here. To do Shikantaza completely may be difficult as you do Sashin, because of the pain in your legs, so you might feel that, well, look, I'm just dealing here, you know, I'm just dealing with pain, and don't bother me about, you know, smooth exhales, but, and he goes on, but even though you have pain in your legs, you can do it, even though your practice is not good enough, you can do it, so that kind of feeling, this is who I am, this is, I've got steel traps, I've got pain in my knees,

[27:39]

but I'm going to do this practice, this is my first motivation, this is why I signed up, this is what I'm doing at Zen Center, this is what I want to do, now is my chance, this is for me, this whole day to do this, and I can do it, I can't really do it, but I can do it. Your breathing gradually will vanish into emptiness, and then your natural inhalation will bring you back to yourself, into the realm of form and color, then exhaling gradually, you will fade into emptiness, empty like a sheet of white paper, this is Shikantaza, I'm just explaining the feeling of Shikantaza, the important point in Shikantaza is your exhaling, just to fade in emptiness as you exhale. So, our practice is not just practice, you know, it's practice realization, it's one word, practice realization,

[29:04]

Dogen talks about practice realization, because there is the teaching of non-grasping, grasping things is basically delusion, trying to obtain something is illusion and delusion, trying to go after something that isn't already here is an illusion, so practice, practice realization, the practice itself is realization, your practice today, your complete effort at being present with everything, all parts of your, not just painful legs, although that might take over a lot of your consciousness, but all the emotions around it, and your emotional life, noting all those things too, how you, as I was saying before,

[30:05]

don't even want to be here today, you know, you note that, bring all that in, that's all part of your practice. So, practice realization is one, is one effort. Practice realization, now, I wanted to read from Dogen about practice realization, although this inconceivable Dharma is abundant in each person, it is not actualized without practice, and it is not experienced without realization. So even though we are totally, there is nothing, there is nothing out there that we need to obtain,

[31:11]

still, even though it's thoroughly abundant in each one of us, still, it's not actualized without practice. So, so we are, we need, we need to do this practice, this is, we can say, well it's all, it's already there, why, that's Dogen's question, why do I need to sit if I'm already, or why do I need to do any practice if I'm totally enlightened? Even though it's abundant in each person, it's not actualized without practice. It's not experienced without realization. So we have our practice, practice realization, we have to actualize it.

[32:12]

So this goes beyond, of course, our sittings, our daily, our hourly sittings into your breaks, into using the bathroom, washing up, if you can bring this harmonization of body and mind, and we're not talking today, so, but you can, we usually say body, speech, and mind, and if you have occasion to speak, bring it into your speech, to use the day to actually be aware of every single thing that you do, or think. So when you're handling your bowls, to actually feel, feel the cold, you know, when you lift up the bowl to bring it to the server, it's cold and smooth, to actually feel that and the heaviness of it, and then when you take it back, you can feel the soup slowly warming up the bowl, you know, and it gets warmer and warmer while you're waiting. This is our life, you know, that we often, we're thinking about something else.

[33:26]

This is, this is the miracle, you know, this is the miracle of our life. You know, when you receive your water and you clean your bowl, those of you who have Oryogis, sometimes if you look in there, you see the little teensy-beensy oil droplets, you know, olive oil, and as you stir around, they kind of get dispersed and then they come up from the bottom and they, they burst on the surface in rainbows, these teensy-beensy little oil droplets. You know, this is our life, it's like that all the time. You know, you have bursting rainbows. So our mindfulness practice gathers up this scattered, dismembered body and mind, and with our effort, we bring ourselves to the moment with an aliveness, because we are alive, we are completely alive, and we have this capacity.

[34:34]

I guess I feel I can't emphasize it enough to not waste this day in, in, you know, kind of stale thoughts of when is it going to be over already, to actually enter into every, every step of yukin-hin, you know, every, for walking meditation, feeling that foot hit the floor and all the bones kind of move to balance you, and the next one and how it feels cold under your, you know, heel, and then you step down where someone's been and it's all warm, and to be there for all of it today. Practice realization. We can't really do this practice, what I'm talking about.

[35:47]

The practice sort of does us, you know. And all we can do is, as Kadagiri Roshi says, just take care of what is in front of us with true heart, that's all. That's all we can do, with a sincere heart to completely take care of what's in front of us. And this practice extends out to everyone. You can, someone who's practicing mindfulness, even though they're doing the exact same thing everybody else is doing, you can feel the presence in their limbs, in their fingers, you can feel that, you can feel it, you can feel it in your body to watch someone who's mindfully doing something.

[36:49]

You feel the calm in your body and it wakes you up, you know, even just to see. So what is it like when you pick up something with full awareness? Drink and eat, walk, sit down. So we have hours in front of us and above us and around us and I wanted to mention that there's a wedding this afternoon in the garden that I've been asked to officiate in, not be the main officiant. So I'll be leaving in the afternoon for about an hour or so, about four o'clock. So the afternoon sitting I won't be here, I just wanted you to know. Okay, thank you very much.

[37:59]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ