Presence

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good morning for those of you don't know peter this year
it's or dominate his only son canada
and lovely
english is pilot mountain realize the way
he came to represent and nineteen sixty nine a long time ago ah he was ordained as priests are nineteen seventy eight was it wasn't so yes that's correct
it was show so
three
the transmission from soldier on two thousand fifty
oh thank you
ha
so
i want to talk a little bit about what i'm talking about and why how it came to be
a few weeks ago surgeon gave a lecture and he i spent on the at some point in the lecture he opened our this book groups everything's falling apart here okay well that that happened to
excuse me
he got out or send mind beginner's mind and start reading the first talk
ah about how
people say that though
zen practice is difficult
as to why
and it's not because it's hard to keep your legs crossed or attained enlightenment which we all know is easy
but it's hard because it's difficult to keep your practice pure and not go astray
and he was talking about this and reading from the text
and i heard him say at some point
just be present
gore yeah something like that
and
his commentary as he was reading the text and saying something where so seamless
that i thought oh tits azuki where she say that oh that's interesting i didn't remember that
and of course i looked it up souza got home and of course no he didn't but
it started a whole thought process for me so i'm accepting this as a teaching of suzuki roshi is transmitted by said
and so this talk to today is a kind of huge digression consisting of a
a commentary on an imagined teaching which i in fact consider to be pathetic
so i want to talk a little bit about the word presence because this is what was stimulated by surgeons talk
don't do that i have to put my glasses on unfortunately
it's a kind of a
it's a kind of byword for mindfulness her virginity beginner's mind or or other references to are approached practice
and yet
it's a little unclear what it actually means there's input here know what it means
anybody have any idea the word presence what does it mean to you
oh
yeah answering a rhetorical questions is being present
okay
good
nobody else well i lifted up in the dictionary oh someone back there
ah ah
yes
it's just showing up physically

being in the being in the present moment okay good will get back to that thank you
yes
i in here
here with
ah good
yes
be aware
atlanta
deep listening
linda
not running away me
staying somewhere for not running away yes monkey mind in addition
his monkey mind in the dictionary don't know which dictionary but i'm sure it's and with some dictionary somewhere
note that
definition of how i see ah so speaking of the dictionary i did look this up and it's interesting because it refers to
something that you perceive out there someone's presence someone has a strong presence there is a military presence there is you know it's about it's it doesn't refer to a sense of yourself or a so-called internal sense so to speak i'm not know now look i'm a little our ancient the little
we're ambivalent about talking about inside and outside but
if it's pretty clear that most of the references in the dictionary or about or something that you perceive
in someone else
so how is it that we may be perceived this in ourselves well that's an interesting question and it's not unrelated to the question of
how we lose our
connected this with beginner's mind
come
so i just want to bring up a ah
the reference to a clue about this that is part of the the record of our lineage is the story about dijon in tang dynasty you
i won't go into all the details of this story because it's pretty long but the one piece that i wanted to share was ah
about his journey to the south of china to straighten everybody else about the the truth
and he was a scholar of the diamond sutra and he was tracking or a long distance carrying a backpack full of his commentaries and copies in the sutra and at some point on this rather tiresome journey he came across someone who is selling rice cakes and older woman selling rice cakes by the side of the road
and he put down his pack and said you know i'd like to have a rice cake and she said well if you can answer a question of mine i'll give you a rice cake and he said sure
maybe ah i don't know if this part of the story but i imagine her asking and asking him what's inside that backpack he carry
and him telling her yeah
so the question was
it says in the diamond sutra pass mind cannot be found
present line cannot be found future mind cannot be found or grasped which mind do you wish to refresh by eating this rice cake
and i think it points to
a question about how we think about presence for beginners will hunting because it's something that we can't find beginner's mind cannot be found
ah
and presence cannot be grasped either in fact
don't think that the all these things have in common is that everything is in motion
and yeah we think of maybe that the past to sort of static but that's actually always in motion to were always re-imagining the past were always even if you if you think that's what we do with the past it's always changing
the future you think it's not happened yet so that's kind of like maybe the aesthetic but then we're always imagining the future to and the present ah
we don't even know where that is because the moment we try to touch it it's onto the next thing as we know
so
it's interesting that puts a new spin on the word mindfulness which is another whole another topic of you know what worries me
i would just wanted to sort of is it came up as i was thinking about this and i wanted to say that they have a mindfulness and presence however in to my understanding have a kind of a common
a common quality which is something having to do with intention there's inactive intention involved
and
and just to say again that the earth say it as a sort of parenthetical but they were mindfulness
sometimes i think there's there's sometimes there's a problem with the english words that we use in connection with practice because they were created by somebody who read a text a very long time ago in this case of the word nine photos came into our vocabulary over a century ago ah and
we're still using it and is it the right word we haven't come up with a better one and but on
it's always subject to the freight of our culture
and so i think that the the indiana
i don't really want to get off on this but this is sensors a sense about mindfulness that implies that it's a practice with concentration which it isn't
i just think that that's a kinetic and a connotation that comes from our culture that we and this is common with are overly used words that they carry meaning or we carry meaning for them in a way that with you know we've constantly having to unpack and
a and clarify which is of course part of the process of buddhism coming to this country is that we will be doing this for a very long time so i'm not going to complain about it too much
ah
maybe mindfulness is more about awareness
so on
the famous phrase about beginner's mind
in the beginner's mind there are many possibilities and the experts mine there are few
and
so what is it about the many possibilities that
saw we we we think of are the many possibilities as a good thing and and the few possibilities is not so good
ah
but maybe it's more a question of whether or not we get stuck on one side of the other of that question
so on
one of the ways and ah
can you tell me when there's about ten minutes left
thank you
ah
what are one of the ways i thought to be interesting to talk about presence is to talk about the near enemies of presence the near enemies of mindful attention or beginner's mind
is and i'm gonna call these
under focus and over focus just for the purposes of this discussion
so ah

so these might be broadly characterize his in the case of under focuses our attempts to disengage with difficulty
by a kind of zoning out and not feeling it
are closing down
i sense faculties know closing our eyes looking down looking inward so to speak ah
or
conversely perhaps over focus trying to grasp at things to do things to think about urgency
fear of not getting it right
a kind of on hyper attention
ah so one way to kind of thing about these little further to examine
would you like about them
what you like about presence over focus on their focus is a kind of like and you know these are these are qualities these strategies that each of us are have to some extent or another and one one perhaps one more one than the other i'm kind of
and under focus guy
i tend to disappear when and and when it comes to situations of stress and
ah
but you know some people go back and forth like that some people are away on the over focus side are always on gets very tiring i imagined
they don't spend a lot of time there that her
so i just wanted to say something about how i feel about this
ah
so's for for under focus
for a well in terms of our focus what i like about that is the excitement
and the focus and clarity that i perceive
yeah it's very energizing and a certain way
and what i don't like
is the continued sense of urgency and impatience
and the kind of fear that i you know that is that if i don't do something right right away on time now ah that particular thing
that you know something's gonna fall apart
and i feel under that circumstance
constricted just in the breath
and feel besieged by thoughts
on the other side where do i spent more time under focus on
what i like use a sense of calm and peace and the sort of freedom from anxiety
it's not maybe freedom for anxiety is perhaps not accurate it's more like not feeling anxiety
ah
what i don't like is the kind of sense of disconnection with others for myself and that generally leads eventually to kind of a sense of anxiety about what's really going on because i'm not really connected and i don't really know what's happening and on
and a lack of energy and vitality
feel lethargic confused
and not ready or somewhat unwilling to engage with inner and outer stimuli
no on
looking down as i'm walking down the sidewalk
ha
kind of not not able to meet the world
and just respond

so ah when it comes to presence
ah
but i'd like is a sense of aliveness impossibility
and when i don't like a hack
it's the same thing
a sense of endless possibility as if nothing can be settled
ah
and on
i feel energized but com generally confident that i have choice and how to engage with and anyway and in whatever way i choose to respond to the situation i'm in to what's come up for me
so it's not necessarily estate in which everything is wonderful
ah it's just wonderful because it's simply the way things are
so it in falls
ah
getting used to the ah
since that are you don't know what's gonna happen you don't you don't know things not knowing and being able to get be comfortable with that to the extent that you can to creates some tolerance for that
allows the difficulty that allows year self to be with presence in in presence
ah
without interfering
with it
the difficulty with are some what habitual ways of
getting our own way
is that they're often very self referential that they contain a story about why ah what's going on that it's very hard to get out of
so sometimes we need an interruption to get out of it we need to come and sit down
here or we need to go for a walk or we need to call a friend and say look i don't understand what's happening but i'm really upset about this ah we need to go out and have a good meal something which changes our
which
which allows us to stop repeating the story again again and again
so
nice story is just about ah
it's about for instance ah
i imagined as i was i was thinking about this i realized that i can imagine
getting really excited about something
and my story about that
is
that i don't know how to contain that in a way in which it can be received as joy them either by myself or others that it that something bad's gonna happen because i'm not going be able to contain that i'm going to do something really stupid
and then after that what's gonna happen is that i'm going to be consumed with shame and self judgment
and i have tremendous amount of fear around this it's very interesting
ah that ah
but i'm guarding myself against showing up completely when the occasion recording the occasion suggested in a way that works for everybody
so another quality
i want to get back to another dimension of
a presence or begin his mind
which has to do with direction
in the
in the sutras ah it often starts out a story about how the assembly came together to hear the buddha give a teaching what happens in the very beginning and at some point before the buddha begins to expound the dharma
words
ah the buddhists constantly expanding the dharma
but in words are ah
the boone said to sit down
and on
cross his legs and put his attention before him
and so i want to suggested there's a there's a kind of direction
ah and this has to do with what i said about there being a quality of mine of intention around mindfulness and our presence
is there is a kind of forward direction now it's interesting you know when a these men the you hear the words put his attention before him is easier to think well it's right there in front and that's that's one element but in some ways on presence is about
the ten directions
that was behind you is just as president is what's before you and yet ah almost all of our most acute senses are oriented in front of us
so that's probably why we're talking about before us
ah
ah
so
something about the intention it's not as though forward means that we're actually thinking of going someplace but that it's a kind of ah there's a kind of openness towards going to show up
and it came open as to what's showing her both
on the so-called outside and what what comes up responsibly
from ourselves or something like that

so
i want to

i wonder i don't know if i'm concluding or not but anyway i want to say that time ah
all of this raises a question bad
the how we transform
ah the near enemies of our practice
ah and there are many of them and they're often close at hand
how are those are transformed have for instance transforming into a them into acceptance as says as as allies and friends
ah
an helping them to
helping us to find acceptance of what is
and the energy intelligence to make the effort to see what is
a hand on
so i think that's got going to stop
and out he said
twenty minutes
as enough time to get into some serious trouble
yes mary
linda as an expert
ah
excellent experience

what me
equality
that learning any came from my experience
his point where like story
i remember the original story
move-in the others may
they're young person
it's understandable that simply the physical skill
that including he reached about what caused yes
as arrogant assumption
yeah
actually down
hmm
keeping a line opens
yeah
yes another is allowing this the past to to reconfigure itself
two on
ah
there's so much of what you said that which is interesting but on the
ah
those of when something happens that we don't understand the first thing we do is we go to or bank of resources whatever those happened to be too i'll explain them that sorry this that's what that's what our brain does
and so some openness to ah
ah question in the assumptions that are behind those stories and also thinking a little bit coming back to
ah beginner's mind experts mind expert is very good at strategies
ah
but maybe doesn't necessarily
see all the possibilities at that point so the question is when to
when to focus on when are when is a clear that that is this appropriate safe whatever to ah
focus on strategies
i i know
yes that's happening
yeah yeah
experiences are a very
the
the
hmm good question is john
as a self proclaimed expert on all kinds of things you
i have found the the biggest frustration of that is that it's high listen to a moment it's hard to take the wrong answer as the solution which can be and so i
despite being a so-called expert carpenter or something like that i've always learned that there are many ways through our current events as they say that particular feel by that we learned from burning our hand and yet saying so we say i'll never reach into a fire again until there's someone inside the fire
perhaps that we have to reach in and grab and i suddenly there's nothing better than reaching into the fire
and so it is with
so i think suzuki is suggesting that each and every fire could be reached into or not and we have to answer the question in presence with fire so in presence with fire
acting swiftly as appropriate but not impatiently
yes susan thank you
you said something about
during the long say
appropriate so is there any quiet which you're not
well i'm missing the context the exact count expert if we hold back on her actions
oh yes yeah yeah right head
are we
our enthusiasm this no come forth and were inappropriate
well
exactly exactly so what so there's that as once someone side is is is you know exactly so what ah who's to judge like why weren't you know the person who's judging that in this case myself has really not very good
criteria
you know it's like
what do i know
is inappropriate
that's right completely inappropriate yeah
presents
terrible feeling when you thinking great
and
what can you learn from he had learned it the that certain actions ah create pain or stimulate paying perhaps and that's wonderful that's completely inappropriate and it's wonderful

yes
after taking oh yeah right
this guy was a diamond
listen and she was able to disarm
he did yet he didn't have an answer i can tell that part of the story
he just went off and kids books away well that's support won't get pissy realize that she was a
disarmed by
oh by someone who was just a lady selling case and is thought that she may be as pleasant just ah ah she was actually than my rather a teacher
you write better than rate getting back to the idea of it with what mind
in a minute you start thinking about which mind
them so
if he just grabbed the tea cake and eat it
and responded in the moment i'm hungry there's a tea cake are taking him he's living present or very could have said the smell of those tea cakes is already refreshed me
yeah that's right because he was lost because he went off into his mine who's entering your weather was writing from being embarrassed yeah exactly as opposed to just getting a ticket yeah right
the latter part of that story as you know as he goes to a long time it comes into the temple and says ah and town's name is dragon pond and he said something where you know i don't see any dragon
and then later at night ah they are talking late into the night and then it's time to leave and montana handsome a lantern
and as a dish on takes it he blows it out when town close out the lantern
an s foundation sees the dragon
that's my interpretation
so if you just respond to let some air
without any discourse of thought and yeah
even hunger he kept a year
then you like the simple and you can be at all
i don't know if your life is simple but you can certainly be a fool
and it's okay you can be what you can be inappropriate
i think when i when i was listening to marry
that the the problem is that follows the attachment to the idea of being an expert ah that's what the ego
yeah in relationship to knowledge that interferes so that limits the sent your sense of possibility though it has a specific russian new a lot about food
but how does he hold it as you relate to a young as to it they can respond in the moment know what he knows becomes something alive so they develop so that the the thousand arms of our wiki to spare are available
yeah that that they don't somehow disappear because here you get some idea about what you doing although he had quite a bit of ideas oh yeah yeah that's right
but it's healthy related to them that well it's nine and result yeah but actually wisdom is
thank you
penelope
keep things line with when you were asking for
i get free coffee at lounge
yeah
since no very interesting and so for
him
les paul
yeah that that me
how fascinating thank you
year ends
one places i can get caught
is interesting stories
some the picture
and
and at that fish
waterside young
hmm to me very often that the work that i'm doing
checking as story that i have no
escapism simply deaths
yes
great
seven
finally egypt and finally
yeah yeah
it brings up the question of how you notice that there's a story going on is there a feeling in the body or were you know where is it you know that it is this a signal this oh yeah
once was and there i didn't get him
yeah
hmm yeah
an old feeling of familiarity yeah
right now
excuse me i don't know your name sarah i
about mindfulness and self no sell him
how can one
stay my
they also
no either
no so
and yet
so i don't quite understand ah this mindfulness getting in the way that
well i find myself
the second is destroyed them either herself know
ah
in my promise and then
going back to know so then
it's hard for me too
her see
what kind
mind yeah i think ah
i'm i'm prompted to offer or that are well known
teaching the duggan's it increasingly you get your card to study this to study the the way is to study the self the steadied herself as to forget yourself
to forget the is to be enlightened by all things and are and ah
allow the body and mind drop away and our bodies and minds of others to drop away and that this are no self
continues tastelessly forever
so this
i don't know if that helps or not but there's sunday there's a connectedness between looking at what's happening and letting it go
linda
the somewhere you talking about how here
yes i have just thinking about something happens
go
like to associate inserting
and i was really press
and said
he didn't know if it suffers turning up the recession but i got so upset
is so deeply
hmm
i will get very angry and uncontrollable impulse to i can vary the impulses from inside that one of the sweet coffee offerings
but which i didn't do not sure how does that a failure so i can't say actually
but
you know when there's tremendous energy and agitation
on
there could be
also or it could transform into on
ah
see i had a word for that
ah

inside
clarity
ah
ah that is
ah
you showed up at that scene
worth whatever state you were in
and on
and you met
those impulses
whatever they were
was that not showing up

nathan
it
should
expressing some
so isn't coming he's coming from a place of joy that
well that could be the litmus test it could be like i'm doing this for the benefit of all beings for my benefit and and i'm including myself this is this is a gift this is something wonderful
when you start thinking about appropriate and inappropriate you'd probably all the way down the road dine-in in there in deep in the rabbit hole here down
yeah yeah
i think we've run out of time but i am
hackers her better
thank you very much and have a wonderful weekend and you're all lucky that you not in a traffic jam and i five right now
yeah