I vow to face the truth and not to touch its words. Good morning. This morning we're having, not this morning, this day, we're having a one-day sitting. So I'd like to talk about Sashin. Sashin is an important, it's a fundamental aspect of this practice that we do here.

[01:01]

It allows us to deepen our experience and our understanding of practice and Dharma, as well as to free our heart from greed, hate and delusion. And in terms of the year, year-round practice, This one-day sitting is also a way of helping us to integrate our practice into everyday life. So we come here just this one day and we sit together intensively all day and it's just one day and then we go back to our seven-day So it's one full day, you know, from 5 in the morning through 9 at night.

[02:17]

So it gives us that feeling of all day, around the clock, practice. And then also, it's a way of preparing us for the 3 and 5 day and 7 day sachins, which more difficult. As some of you may know, the meaning of the word Sesshin comes from two Chinese ideograms, Setsu and Shin. And shin is the mind or the heart. I think the Chinese monograph, Mind and Heart, is the same one.

[03:21]

And zetsu means to join or to fix the mind. So fixing the mind together. That's the meaning. So we all come together to fix the mind together. And that is Sashi. So it's a kind of psychotherapy, healing the mind together. Other meanings also include to touch or receive. or control. And these are all related. So, we say Sashin is to unify the mind.

[04:32]

So the question is, what are we coming to Sashin for? We all ask ourselves that question at some point or another, before we come, before we make a decision, after we make a decision, once we arrive here in the morning or when the alarm rings, once we get here, then after two or three periods, and so on. And sometimes even up to the last period of Zazen. So, we're not sure why we're coming, although we have this desire to come, and it's not clear whether we desire it, or we want to come, or whether we should come.

[05:35]

whether we desire it, or it's our teacher's desire, or it's our conscience's desire. So we have this one piece of non-duality, this one desire, which is our way-seeking mind, for Suzuki Roshi said innermost request. And yet it's one piece. So this diamond appears as a kind of a vast coal mine of heat and desire which brings us here. So, initially, you know, it's not unusual that we come, you know, seeking some object of spiritual desire.

[06:47]

We come to dazin for that, or we come to sashin for that. Seeking some joy, some peace, some happiness, some power. We're just simply, you know, to put an end to our suffering. So, this desire is what brings us here and what keeps us here and yet it's also our biggest obstacle. So, right there is the koan. you know, of life and death, pleasure and suffering. So, Sashi is a kind of a laboratory.

[07:50]

It's a direct encounter with our mind, our body-mind, and with duality and non-duality. Body-mind, pain, pleasure. So, to unify our mind, then we have to unify our mind with our body. Or to unify our body is the same as to unify our mind. To unify our body-mind. So, we sit in the lotus posture. We sit in half lotus. full lotus, first in half lotus, and then in full lotus. Or like male, first in full lotus, and then in half lotus. So no matter what posture we take, eventually we're going to experience some pain in our body, in our knees, in our legs,

[09:08]

in our joints, in our back, in our muscles, neck. So, and this is, you know, that's where the test for the going gets rough. Because, you know, because of our dual desire, we want some joy or some pleasure or some happiness And the problem is that this joy or happiness is based on pleasure. And we come to realize that in Sachine, that that idea we had about joy or happiness was based on pleasure, and now we have the other side of it, which is pain. and suffering. So, then, if we want happiness based on pleasure, that also means we want to avoid pain and suffering.

[10:20]

It's just the two sides of the same coin. So, that's when pain arises in Sashin. It's when we start suffering emotionally. then our emotional pain arises. And, you know, in Sashin, we bring all the suffering of our lives into the Zendok. And we hope that here we'll find some refuge or a haven of some sort. And And yet the suffering is not out there where we left it, but it's right here, before us. So, in the beginning periods of Sashim, or when we're doing a long Sashim in the first days, as we settle into the Sashim, and maybe with not so much pain at that point,

[11:27]

we can observe how our suffering out there in the world that we left behind rises and falls in our mind. But sooner or later this emotional suffering or these attachments that you brought with us will become focused right here in Sesshin. So it won't be so much related about this memory of this conversation with this person, and the feelings that arose in that situation, or what this person said, or what you said, or how somebody feels or thinks about you, or how you think and feel about somebody. But it will start, then the focus, the fulcrum will become the pain in your legs.

[12:28]

And so the pain in your legs, pain in our legs, provides that kind of focus and opportunity to have all those things that bond us arise right here, right now, in this moment. So then we have to face it. So it's like, you know, to go out, you have to go out the same door you came in. in the door, you know, the things that arise in relation to our suffering in everyday life appears not to be here, but eventually it's opened right here. And that is Zazen. you know, it's normal we become angry and frustrated and start doubting, you know, why are we doing this, or why did I come, or what's this practice anyway, what are these people anyway, you know, I like this person, I don't like that other person, you know, he or she said this or that, you know, I feel this or that, or I agree with this or I don't agree with this,

[13:57]

or start getting into sort of intellectual discourse. And so this is the samsara that's beginning to spin in relationship to what we're doing right here. Before it was spinning in relationship to our suffering out there. So right there we have the greed, hate and delusion. So we have the intensity of the Sashin experience and then the intensity of all that it evokes, all this gets evoked. And it's really tempting to think, well, this is related to this, what I'm doing here.

[15:08]

So if I leave, or if I never come back again, then I won't have to deal with being so angry, or being so this, or wanting so much of that, or whatever. But, you know, the only way to get through that is to stay put. And let go of any idea of how long it's going to take, or what is it going to take, or what is it going to be. So that's the point about what is it. Or we may also have, you know, our craving may get evoked, you know, and we want to go out, you know, and use drugs, get really high, or have a lot of sex, or binge on food, or something like that.

[16:14]

That's not unusual either. So what's happening at that point is that we're experiencing the limitations of our ego. and the many attachments that we have. And that's being right in the midst of duality and suffering. So in a way, the pain in our legs is being very kind to us, even though we feel it as a kind of torture. It actually is being very kind to us, in the sense that is saying, see, look, this is your mind, this is my mind, this is the mind.

[17:20]

And also at the same time, pointing to the way beyond suffering, is duality and confusion. Because if you notice, if you listen closely, you will notice that along with the pain, there comes certain clarity, and everything comes into a very sharp focus. and uh so this is kind of the entry point into the gates of non-duality at that point uh right there so then the question is well how do we go beyond this pain and pleasure this body and this mind you know this body afflicting me this mind that is afflicting me who is this

[18:27]

So the only way we can do that is the sheen, as Mel always says repeatedly, is moment to moment. Just taking each moment at a time and just let go of the ideas about, is this a pleasant state of mind? Is this a pleasant body state? Is this an unpleasant body state? Is this going to last short or long? Is this big or small? And just this moment, and then the next moment. So, at that moment, it's very important to focus on our breathing, the inhaling and the exhaling, our posture.

[19:49]

Maybe we can notice also our stomach as it expands and contracts. Also, the other thing that's very important is, at that point, is not to move. You know, in general we say, don't move in Zazen. So by this is meant, you know, if possible, don't change your posture, don't uncross your legs during the period of Zazen. But when it gets down to it and you're faced with that, with the razor's edge, you know, sort of bend, it's really important not to move to that point. And that helps us to stay in that moment or is it five more minutes, or six minutes, or is it ten minutes?

[21:02]

How much longer am I going to have to put up with this? When is this going to end? And it's really easy to... you have kind of... that's a question of intention. At that moment, you have a kind of choice whether to let yourself indulge on that mind, small mind of dualistic distinctions, or to let go of that and just focus on breathing, posture, and not moving. So, that's what Dogen called the immobile sitting as the gateway into non-duality. Because then at that moment you forget all about time. Five minutes, one minute, you know, ten minutes.

[22:05]

All past, present, future are right there. And also birth and death. Are we dying or are we being born at that moment? So at that moment, we're both being born, and we're dying. Is it life or death? What is it? Is it long or short? Many times we think that our effort is very small, and that we are very small, and sometimes

[23:35]

So, sometimes we feel as a sheen that, you know, we can't make the effort. It's too hard. But actually, at that moment, we miss contact or not in touch with our big effort or our big mind. How is the whole cosmos, birth and death, right there in that moment? So, it's a little bit like the second wind that athletes talk about. But a big mind is part of that.

[25:05]

There's this vast, vast resource of energy and potential and innumerable possibilities. Mountains, birds, trees, oceans, rivers. So we have to let go of those preconceptions about our effort or what we can do or we cannot do. And then we tap into this bigger reservoir of energy and get this second wind. And then it's not so important. It just is.

[26:15]

So that's all I have. Yes. Not to move. It's a big subject. Quite often I find myself having the urge to scratch my nose or tickle the itch that's in my ear. Most of the time I stop myself doing that and sometimes that sets up a resistance. The other times I say, oh heck, I'll just do it. I don't know what's the right way to approach that.

[27:37]

Well, I think both ways are correct. Other times, just not scratch. Other times, you scratch. I think that kind of movement is, it becomes more fundamental. It becomes more of a fundamental question when you're at those moments of sasheen where, you know, the koan is arising You're walking on the razor's edge. And at that moment, I think it's more important not to move at all in order to not, because, you know, like, you know, just a little opening is as fast as the difference between, you know, heaven and the earth.

[29:01]

You can really lose it, you know. So just that little tiny movement can throw you off. Maybe not. But otherwise, I think that the importance of moving is also related to the question of uncrossing your legs or changing your posture. more of something that you know is right or good for you, or is it suffering, pain?

[30:06]

What is effort? What is it? Determination to see something through to the end. That means you have a goal. You have a goal, but it's not a dualistic goal. Because the effort implies that you will see something through the end, regardless of what comes up or what arises, or whether you experience this or you experience that. So it's not a dualistic goal. It's not a goal based on a dualistic desire. How do you know you're going to get to the end? when you stay true to your intention.

[31:09]

And that ending may vary. So you'll know when you get there? Mm-hmm. Does that mean you're at peace? Well, I think we talk about effortless effort. And effort gets easier. As you mature in practice, the effort gets easier. But if you say that effort ends, that's not quite right either. But if you say it never And I thought, well, isn't that dualistic?

[33:06]

Isn't that a dualistic statement? And I wonder if it's, therefore, choose F. Maybe we do make choices. You said it's your intention, your choice. Anyway. Well, I think Mel often talks about bringing life back to life so so there's there's dualistic life and there's non-dualistic life so that statement could be interpreted both those ways so choose life I'm not sure I can give you a satisfactory answer at this point, but I think it's choosing the non-dualistic life.

[34:15]

So it's not choosing life and avoid death, or get attached to life and think that death is, have a dualistic view of death. Yes? subject of effort, whether it's endless or whatever, I often think of it with resistance. And I see that I am resisting my own effort. And I see that some part of me, for convenience sake, let's say the ego, goes along with my coming here, say, to honor some intention that I have formed consciously and articulated.

[35:16]

The ego will let me come and do that. But at some point, I'm aware, some part of me is aware that there's a lot of resistance and my effort is going into resisting my own self. looking with and against oneself to arrive to be able to to honor the intention endlessly.

[36:19]

See, the resistance is also your desire. You mean the egos wish to acquire something, the desire to So, just letting both be there, being kind to your resistance and being kind to your effort, and also seeing how your resistance is helping you, because your resistance is evoking your effort, and allowing your effort to manifest. And if you

[37:22]

get too attached to your effort, then your resistance will remind you of it. Yeah, my experience almost always in sessions is that I begin with good intentions and really think about keeping my back straight and then met with all these subtle varieties and barrages of existence this morning, notably sleep. Sleep is really a very, a winner. Because this, you know, you just have no control as you suddenly, you know, you're in the middle of a dream. But that little by little, that effort and resistance, because there is a big intention underneath.

[38:29]

And as you said, the effort manifests in a kind of quietness after a while. And the effort becomes more balance quality than effort quality. So little by little, the barrage of of difficulty wears down that sharp effort and it all kind of balances. So you're a little bit tired and you're a little bit disappointed and the expectations haven't really been met and so it's alright just to meet I just thought something else about the question you asked about life, which is the death that we experience here is to bring us back to the real foundation of life, or choosing life on its true basis.

[39:59]

Whereas the other life that we thought was life, maybe it was really death. And you described the mind chatter just beautifully. And I went like this, I don't agree with this person. And then I felt guilty about what I was thinking about. And it was on and on. And finally, the joke just hit me. This is what's coming up, this is what's coming up. Instead of having a real life.

[41:21]

Right. Sometimes in, you know, in long sessions, you think, well, okay, so how many days? One, two, three, five more days. So it got really, now it's getting really bad, right? It's the third day, it's getting really bad. So this means that the afternoon of the third day will be even worse, the fourth day will be even worse, and so on and so forth. and this period is really bad, so the next period must be really worst, right? So you start thinking that way, and actually then you're always surprised, you know, that it changes all the time. So the fourth day might be easier than the third day, you know, and the period next, you know, so it's that again, so it's seen But I think that taking that into my everyday life. On the topic of resistance, I thought it was sort of sweet to hear you talk about resistance and mainly as well as having something positive that's underneath it, that there's really intention underneath it.

[43:07]

And I'm not sure that's always true. And I mean, I'm not sure that it's positive underneath it. that maybe it's negative underneath it, that maybe it's, that this, you know, isn't the right place to be or the right thing to be doing. And, you know, obviously the resistance has some juice in it, but can you just talk a little more about resistance? Does the fact that there's resistance there mean that you should deal with the resistance You want to look at what it is that you're resisting. So did you just answer your own question?

[43:56]

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