going to be fine. Well, good morning. Good morning. Today I want to talk about, I want to comment on a lecture of Suzuki Roshi.

[01:06]

And because of the subject matter, we named this talk, Just Enough Problems, where he talks about, you have just enough problems. clothes you're wearing just fit you. This is given on the last day of Sashim, last day of seven days of Sashim. And so he's saying, you know, see this through and don't give up. You know, so the last day, you know, just keep working. Yeah. So he says, The last day of T'chiin, we've already come this far, so don't give up. Because T'chiin is difficult, especially for beginners. Every day you say, shall I keep doing this?

[02:13]

So, the thing about T'chiin, you know, is that it gets harder and easier at the same time. If you stay moment by moment in your seat. It gets harder, but because you're staying in your seat moment by moment, it gets easier. It's a kind of sashinkohan, but it works. So he says, I feel I have a very good crop, which means, you know, like the students are this crop. And Rinzai Zen is a little different flavor. Rinzai Zen is like a general moving his troops. Soto Zen is like a farmer tending to his crops, encouraging and growing people.

[03:17]

So he says, I feel like I have a very good crop. You may feel you are not yet ripe. Even though you are still ripening, if you stay in our storehouse, you will be good apples. So I had nothing to worry about, and I don't think you had any reason to worry about your practice either. I remember one time talking about, when we were sitting in Tsushima, you're like loaves of bread baking in the oven. and you're almost done. So this kind of nurturing feeling actually is part of our practice. Not just nurturing but slowly maturing. Poor mother.

[04:30]

But, you know, our practice is always maturing, always maturing, but it never ends. Suzuki Roshi talked about the long noodle, the long Soto Zen noodle, which in Japan, people like to go... It's a tradition that goes... and the so-called Zen noodle just never ends. So he says, some of you may have started this Sashin because you had many problems. In other words, in those days, I thought this different, but, you know, people would come to practice and be able to figure out their problems, you know. So you thought that if you sat here for seven days, your problems would be solved.

[05:37]

But whatever problems you may have, they can be solved anyway. You don't have to come to Sishin to solve your problems. That's not a good idea. It's not the purpose of Sishin. We're going to have Sishin next week. So this is a good prelude to Sishin. So Buddha will not give you more problems than you can solve or more than you need. But sometimes we don't feel that way. We always feel that we have more problems than we can deal with or solve. And we always feel we have more than we need, usually. And as our society becomes more and more complex, we take on more and more things that become more and more problems. So, whatever the problems are, they are just enough.

[06:39]

That's an interesting statement. If these are not enough problems, Buddha is ready to give you more, just so you can appreciate your problems. When I was studying As I've told you many times, I would come to him with a problem. I had a lot of problems. And he would listen to what I had to say, and then he would say something somewhat related, maybe, or unrelated. It was related, but it was not the answer I was seeking. But he would give me What he gave me was a koan. I mean, it's a koan that arose from that situation, not the koan that's written in a book. And then he'd say, you came to me with a problem, and I've just given you a bigger problem.

[07:47]

And then he'd laugh. That was the way I was brought up. That was my gym training that my teacher would always give me bigger problems. And then I would laugh. And then I would go away and work. And I'd go on. Sometimes the teacher is very accommodating. You know, there's the grasping, there's the holding fast and the letting go. A good teacher will, if you're a good student, if you're really a good student, the teacher will hold fast most of the time. And then sometimes grant you. Oh, you're really a good student. You're a good boy. You're a good girl. Mostly it's, you always do this wrong.

[08:48]

Never, never, always a little critical. We don't like it. That's why it's a problem. That's why we consider things a problem because often we don't like our problem. But if we let go of right and wrong, good and bad, the problem itself is what helps us to smooth out our ego. Without a problem there's no such thing as practice. with your practice. Why? Good problem. Often, what we do often, there's a problem with having too many teachers. Because the student will come to the teacher, and the teacher will not satisfy you, but give you something you don't like.

[09:52]

Then you go to the other teacher, this one will give me something I like. The other teacher may give you something that you like. So that can create a problem. So we have to be very careful how we deal with students. It's kind of like going to mommy and daddy. If daddy didn't give me the right answer, I go to mommy. Mommy doesn't give me the right answer. we have to be very careful to let the student deal with the problem. If we don't let the student deal with the problem, then we're not doing a good service. So sometimes we come to the teacher for advice and so forth. That's one thing. But as far as, strictly speaking, practice question,

[10:55]

It's not helpful to always answer in a way that the student would like to be answered. So, whatever the problems are, they are just enough. If these are not enough problems, Buddha is ready to give you more, just so you can appreciate your problems. Buddha is always giving you something. If you have nothing to cope with, your life feels empty. So I think you should trust Buddha. So what is he talking about when he says Buddha? In our Zen school, Buddha means Buddha nature. It doesn't mean we should trust Shakyamuni Buddha. It means we should trust our own Buddha nature. Our Buddha nature will give us just enough. We have to understand and trust that with our intuition.

[12:05]

Intuition is knowing without having to go through the process of discriminative thinking. You just know something. It's not the same as having a hunch about something, really knowing something. And Fascine, you know, is to bring out our intuition. Most of the time we're thinking. Most of the time we're, because we rely so heavily on our intellect, We tend to ignore our intuition. The important thing is to balance our intellect, our intuition, our heart, and our physical body so that all of the parts of our body should work together harmoniously and take that

[13:22]

And if we're too much emotional, we're kind of hard-headed. The best late should be in our hara. So that we have... The belly is where the intuition, where we find our intuition. our gut feeling sometimes it's false but mostly it's true and this is like the solar plexus like the Sun and the satellites are the thinking mind and the heart mind and the emotional mind and so forth all these minds which are just like the model of the planetary system Each one of us is a planetary system with central powers and the satellites.

[14:38]

And when they're all in balance, everything works very well. And our intuition is open and we know what to do. But when our intuition is closed and we have to rely too much on the other parts, our emotions or our feelings or our intellect too much, we get out of balance. And if you look at our human world, you can see how out of balance it is. So we create all these terrible problems for ourselves. So trusting Buddha means trusting our Buddha nature and the balance of our faculties. So a life without problems It's just like sitting in the zendo for seven days without doing anything. Here in the zendo, meditating for seven days, you have many problems.

[15:43]

You might think that you have more problems while sitting than you have in your daily life. Actually, you are finding the problems you have had all along but didn't notice because you were distracted by something or fooled by something. So when we sit, all these things come up, all kinds of things come up in our mind, in our sitting, which ordinarily are dormant, or they're there, but we don't necessarily pay attention to them. And some things come up which are very much in front of us, and we feel disturbed. When you are not aware of your problems, they will appear unexpectedly. No problem will appear that you did not originally have. But because you overlook it, you do not respect it. So it is better to see your problems as soon as possible.

[16:45]

To address our problems, in another talk Suzuki Roshi talks about your problems without seeking help. And he talks here about that too. It's okay to seek help, but in an ordinary way. But in Zen practice, we should find out ourselves. So he says, some students sit Zazen facing the wall. Buddha is there behind you and you are trusting Buddha. If you trust completely, there is no need to face Buddha. This is an attitude of complete trust. Your enemies or problems will come from the back, not from the front.

[17:46]

So to expose your back to Buddha means to express complete trust in the Buddha, in your Buddha nature. When we do sit, we face the wall. And your back is totally exposed. So you're totally open with no defense. Your defenses are totally gone. And you're simply trusting. This is pure faith. You're simply trusting the universe. Trusting in your Buddha nature. Someone can come behind you and cut your head off. And that's happened. So it's totally trusting. So this gives us an opportunity to simply let go of everything.

[18:53]

When you let go of everything, problems are not so difficult. we feel sometimes that our problems are chasing us around but if you think about it are our problems chasing us around or are we chasing our problems? whenever we have a lot of pain we don't think of that as attachment but it's surely attachment We're attached to our difficulties, and we're attached to our pleasures. It's just the other side of the coin. He says, even though you may feel you have too many problems, when you trust in Buddha, you sit with your problems.

[19:56]

At the same time, you should be ready to refuse a problem if it's too much, so it gives you a way out. If it's too much, you know, OK, I'll take it back. Buddha may say, if you really don't need it, I'll accept it at any time. Give it back to me. But more and more, the problem will change into something you need. You will think, if I receive this problem, I may regret it. Since I am not so sure whether this is a real problem or Buddha's help, it may be better to keep it. If you sit in this way, you will find that your problem Before you accept the problem you have in your position, you cannot accept yourself as you are.

[20:58]

You cannot sit in a true way. When you steady your mind, trust Buddha and just sit, there is no confusion or problem anymore. When you are patient enough and wait until the problem makes some sense to you, you can appreciate your being here and your position, whatever it may be. That is how we practice Zazen. You know, people, we come, sometimes we have anxiety, or fear, or some kind of problem, and when we sit Zazen, we don't feel it. It's like, not there. The anxiety is not there. If you really sit Zazen, there's no anxiety, and there's no fear. If you're totally sitting zazen, that can't happen. When you start feeling fear or anxiety, you no longer sit in zazen.

[22:04]

Because when you actually sit zazen, there's no place for anxiety or fear. because there is no one to feel it. So, when you practice ASEAN, there is no need to expect Buddha to solve your problem. Buddha is already helping you. But usually, we refuse Buddha's offer. When you ask for help, you are asking for something that has not yet arrived. when you were refusing to accept the treasure that you already have. He said, you were like a pig. When I was young, as my father was very poor, he raised pigs. If you give pigs a bucket of food, as long as they remain there, they won't eat it, expecting you to give them more food.

[23:09]

If you move away too quickly, they'll kick over the bucket chasing after you, so you must be very careful. In other words... So in some way, helping may be more of a hindrance than a help. I remember, I think it must have been so sweet, Sometimes, in the early days, when he first read, when the student would come in and give him some candy, he'd say, you know what to do with it. And then he realized that that was not a good idea. But sometimes, you know, we give the student candy. We have to give the student candy. But then, when they can stand up, you know, not stand up on their feet,

[24:13]

we stop giving them candy and give them some good problems. So, I think that is what you do. He's saying, you know, we get attached to the help. Once we start seeking help and then we start giving help, we get attached to the help. Dogen talks about Imo. Imo means just this, or just this thing, or just this moment, just this practice, just this activity. Just the problem of this moment.

[25:14]

When you fall down to the ground, you use the ground to pick yourself up. So falling to the ground is a problem. But you use the problem to help you stand up. So the problem becomes a help if you know how to use it. And without trying to seek something from outside in that moment. You use that moment intuitively to find your way. for something else. We want to change our, you know, but as I've been, when things get tough, we want to seek some help, change our position.

[26:24]

It's okay to do that. Or, you know, try to get comfortable in some way, other than from the outside, rather than from the inside. The great problem that is presented to us is how do you get comfortable from the inside without having to arrange yourself comfortably from the outside? That's the goal of Zazen. How do you find your comfort? Comfort is not the best word, but it's okay. How do you find your comfort from the inside? rather than trying to arrange, you know, our lives are geared toward being comfortable. And so we try to arrange, you know, our overstuffed couches and stuff like that in order to be comfortable.

[27:26]

But you never can get comfortable that way, because you always have to change your equipment. When you get comfortable, then you get uncomfortable. which is from inside, not from outside. This is Sechin, the Benzaiten. I remember when I lived up here, when my son was born, he was about three, no, one and a half, probably. Somewhere between one and two. And we had these little books, you know, that are kind of, we had a page, we had a cardboard, and you turn the page, this is the fire engine book, and we talked about the fire engine, I read in the book about the fire engine, and then one time there was a fire out here on Otis Street, and we went out there, and there were the fire engines, and I said, look, see, this is just like in the book, and he said, turn the page,

[28:33]

That's what we kind of like to do. So this is the mysterious thing, the mystery of life. We have just enough problems, not too many, and not too few. So there's no need to ask anyone to help. So Suzuki Roshi, I remember him say, when you first come to visit your teacher, you make a connection with your teacher, and then your teacher sends you away. That's not always true. But sends you away doesn't mean to go someplace. It means you are... You have to figure this out for yourself.

[29:37]

You have to do it by yourself, for yourself. And everything around you will help you, if you do that. If you don't do that, no matter how much help you seek, it won't help. But if you make the effort to find out for yourself, then everything will help you. Buddha meets you halfway. I would say, all the way. That's the secret of practice. You stretch yourself as hard as you can to find a way. Even though we say, well this is the way, and that's the way, and we have the zendo and the cushions, you have to find your own way. Every one of us has to find our own way. That's called practice. And when you do that, everything comes to help you. You don't ask for it. And then if we do find, if we do get so much help from outside without that effort, then we depend on that too much and we can never get anywhere.

[30:55]

We can never really find ourself. So if you're patient enough, If you are strong enough to accept your problems, then you can sit easily and peacefully, trusting Buddha and trusting your own being. Because you are helped, and the way you are helped is perfect, as you exist here, if it is too much, you will die, and if it is too little, you will die. You are receiving just what you need. So the only way is to trust Buddha and trust your being here, And that's what we call Zen. It's called faith in our nature. You may think all the Zen masters are very tough. He looks tough. When you need him to be tough, he's not so tough. He's just tough enough for you. That's all.

[31:57]

Actually, you don't need your master if you know how to practice Zen. So he says, I want you just to sit and be ready to go to the marketplace as ripe apples. So let's sit with full appreciation for our practice. And I had written something that I thought about down here at the bottom. It says, it's like we went to a party and each one was handed a present. And when we opened our present, We read the instructions and each had to figure out a puzzle that was inside. Do you have any questions? Dr. Rusch, you said that

[33:02]

When you went to your teacher with your problem, you'd always been with a bigger problem. And I'm wondering if at some point you had hesitancy in approaching him because of the larger problem, or if you had faith that the larger problem would actually help in some way solve your koan. No. I mean, I always enjoyed meeting my teacher because no matter, even when I was scolded, It felt great. Whether I was scolded or complimented or whatever, it always felt wonderful. I never had a problem. That way, I felt if I was scolded, there was some meaning in it. For me. Why be afraid? What is there to be afraid of? Why is there to be hesitant about?

[34:09]

So, I never felt that way. So, when he would give me a problem, we'd both laugh. And this is what makes practice light. No need for practice to be heavy, even if you have a problem. The purpose of practice is to give up. It's called renunciation. You just continually are giving up. Not hanging on to anything. Not being attached to anything. If you have no attachments, or very few attachments, in the sense of being caught, or wanting something, or having views and opinions, if you're

[35:39]

free of that, then when somebody comes to you, you know who they are. You can tell what everyone's problems or tendencies are, because your mind is totally open. And it's not full of anything. It's not full of opinions. You just see the person as they are. It just pops out. This is like how we open our intuition. The less we have, the more our intuition comes forth. The more coverings we have, the less we keep it down. So, I think that my teacher was always helping me to learn how to let go, or how to be open.

[36:41]

and not full of opinions, although I do have them. You know, I remember talking about his teacher. His teacher said, we should not have opinions. Opinions are really what keeps our mind closed. He said, but when he didn't express an opinion, he would say, this is my opinion. And he'd totally express his opinions. He'd go, this is my opinion. But he knows this is my opinion. He's not just simply rendering opinions. You said that when you really sit Zazen, you have no anxiety or fear. So if you have anxiety and fear, does that mean you're messing up and doing it wrong? Messing what? Messing up and doing Zazen wrong. I don't know about messing up. I don't think you've ever used that term.

[37:45]

No, I know. I just said it to be provocative. I know. But when you say things, they're meaningful. Well, does it mean you're doing something wrong? It means that you're not ready to go. It means that you're not really entering your Samadhi. You haven't yet entered Samadhi. So what would be a wise response if you noticed you have anxiety and fear during Zazen? What Linda said just made me think of something. I mean, I've been sitting a lot lately. I'm not sitting a lot of Zazen, I don't think. I'm sitting a lot, but I don't think, I don't feel like I'm sitting Zazen. And that's, I mean, that seems pretty possible. Can you sit a lot and still not be sitting Zazen? Yes.

[38:46]

Okay. That's been confirmed. But, you know, there's another side. The other side is that When we start thinking of good and bad, that's not zazen. When we start thinking of right and wrong, that's not zazen. So when we just simply sit, maybe right comes up, maybe wrong comes up, but we don't get attached to them. So, oh, this is wrong zazen, or this is right zazen, or good zazen, or bad zazen. Zazen is just what it is. So in one sense, no matter what you're doing, it's just zazen. But if you think this is right Zazen, wrong Zazen, blah blah blah, then you're getting into discrimination. You're getting attached to discrimination. So, it's subtle. In order to sit properly, you have to let go of discriminating mind. That's why you don't feel anxiety or fear, because discriminating mind is what creates anxiety and fear.

[39:53]

So you're no longer... This is Samadhi. Samadhi is non-dualistic presence. The mind is not discriminating in the sense of good and bad, right and wrong. And you have that opportunity to just be pure existence. So that's going on all the time anyway. But you don't experience that ordinarily. So in a big sense the whole universe is doing Zazen all together. So when you say Zazen, you are saying Zazen with the whole universe. Because it's just universal activity. It's true activity without impurities, so to speak.

[40:56]

If you're not feeling anxiety and not feeling fear, but you're spending all your time telling stories, that's kind of not really Zazen, is it? Well, the stories are covering. The stories are covering your mind. Your stories are actually holding you down. So, when you recognize that you're telling yourself a story, you're just like, Oh! Zazen is returning, waking up moment by moment. And if you're really making the effort to wake up moment by moment, that's Zazen. No matter what's happening. No matter what's happening. Anxiety, fear, stories, if you're making the effort to wake up, to let go, and wake up moment by moment, that's Zazen. So, judging it right and wrong, blah blah blah, that's just creating I have a question about what intuition might feel like.

[42:10]

She wonders what intuition might feel like. So I have some challenges which sometimes cause me some fear because I think I can't meet them. And one way that I've responded is to sit and have a full sense of this situation of my life, both what's needed for that problem and all the things that are not that problem. And that's very... that allows me to drop that sort of overwhelming sense of the problem. Is that something like you too? Well, you know, if you want an example, when something comes up and you're not sure to just simply say, I don't know. When you say, I don't know, your mind clears.

[43:11]

There's no opinion, there's no idea, or anything. You simply, I don't know, creates the space. And then, something comes up. Something will always come up next. There's always a next. So, because your mind is open, and you're not thinking, what comes up is the answer. Intuition. And then you know which way to go. Oh, I see now. As soon as you say, I don't know, truly, well, now I know. If you trust your intuition, that's what happens. So, if your mind is always open, and your intuition is always working, and you know what to do next, or you know what to do now. Short? Yeah, that should be short. My problems tend to always involve my body as well, that's all.

[44:12]

Intellectually, I can often allay them, but my body never lies, and I don't like that, you know, feeling that's from head to toe, in a way, that is so heavy. Body and mind are not two things. The mind creates the body and the body influences the mind. They're totally one thing but two parts of one thing. And you can't separate them. And they're Siamese twins that are totally integrated. So what we think sometimes is happening to our body is really just happening in our mind. And what we think is happening in our mind sometimes is really happening in our body. So the way we think and we react influences what happens with our body. So ideally it would be like a cake batter.

[45:17]

Yeah. Mix it up with... Is that what you mean? Pancakes? I'm not sure what you mean, but... Batter. Any batter. Batter. That would be your show. Too many strikes and you're out.

[45:42]

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