It seems like the only thing I really want to talk about is... I'm still in session with nobody on Earth. I'm not trying to do anything about these things. Shikantaza. means to give up illusion and gain enlightenment. That's it. To give up illusion and gain enlightenment. And the illusion that I think we want to give up, the illusion that there's something outside of our own experience, our own ego, something outside by which to evaluate it, compare it, try to improve it, want to change it, feel dissatisfied.

[01:17]

In these terms, enlightenment is at hand, available to each of us. Just try finding some place in our body to stay with the experience, the feeling, the sensation, the breath, the awareness, without going outside of that to return. When we can do that, and we've all had that experience, that very refreshing experience of, for some period of time, just being in our heart, in our experience. And we've been trying to balance that. There's some buoyant quality to that kind of life.

[02:26]

There's energy alignment for us, because we know we're alive. We're not undermining our life. pulling the plug on it, letting the energy out of it, and by ascribing it to ourselves, by criticizing it, by considering it. And last summer, one of our guests here, asked me if I would read the forthcoming, the manuscript of the forthcoming book and write a little blurb or something about it, write something that might be used as part of the book's promotion.

[03:30]

I liked this woman and I liked her work. writing about addiction, pro-dependency for a number of years, Ann Wilson Shea. And I agreed to do this. And when I learned that I was going to be traveling to Japan, I realized I had to complete this assignment. I had a deadline. So the first thing I did that weekend was to spend with this manuscript, which is about the organization as addict, or the addicted organization. The most recent book, When Society Becomes an Addict, talks about addiction at the social, at the social cultural level. And then this new one is about the organization as addictive substance, or as process, addictive processes,

[04:35]

It's really interesting that you know her. Sounds like our wife. But I found that when I came to write to her about it, I didn't feel right about using my name or the name of Taisa Hara. And then I was caught with, well, I really like this person, and I want her to like me, and I say no. And how can I say no, unless you take that as a criticism, and I say no. And then, of course, I realized I was caught in the kind of thinking that characterizes codependency, that she's been writing about now for several years, and treating people for years. And if I couldn't tell her how I felt, Honestly, it could or couldn't be that I wasn't respecting her, trusting her.

[05:44]

So that was really helpful. I thought, yeah, I'd just say no. And so I wrote her a nice letter, and I thanked her for the book and how much I appreciated it. And I found it relevant to Zen Center processes and to my own processes. But I didn't find it, didn't feel right for them of your support. And when I returned from Camp, there was a nice letter, which I hate to read. She was a little sorry that I wasn't able to do that, but she appreciated it. And she hoped to offer her services maybe someday. The question I asked her was, do you think process can become an addiction? Because her antidote to co-dependency and addictive behavior is living in process.

[06:54]

And I think process is where it's at too. But at Zen Center, we are so much always in the process. And I thought, hmm, let's get a break from this too. And can this be an addiction? And can this be a substitute for something else? So she wrote back. And she didn't think that process in itself was addiction, that there was something like an addictive process. And sometime when she was in the area, perhaps she could take a look at what we were doing. I was pleased because I think her perspective might be helpful to us. I know we like to talk and we spend a lot of time talking to each other. Sometimes it feels like it's a substitute for knowing ourselves, for experiencing our own truth, our own reality, our own body. We frequently leave a meeting and check with somebody, what did you think of that day?

[08:05]

It's like, we're not really sure what our take on the meeting was, until two or three other people said, yeah, we thought it was good, and we didn't think it was. It's her premise, And it's validated by other researchers in her field that 96% to 98% to 99% of American culture society are addicts, characterized by addictive drinking. And not just by addiction to alcoholism, or drugs, or sex, or food. but addicted also to relationships and to what she called processes, like the work that we do.

[09:14]

And she characterizes the society by behaviors which we all recognize, and it's pretty dysfunctional. It's not just inside ourselves, in our own families, in our own close relationships, but it's systemic through the entire society. And I think it's helpful just to look at it in this way. It validates what we all experience, that dysfunctional reality from government and political leaders all the way down to the people. The behaviors that she talks about are behaviors of denial, depression, of control, frozen feelings,

[10:28]

Lying. Externally referencing, always finding something outside of the validators. Polarizing experience. Dependency. Fear. Many others. While I was getting ready to go on the trip. I was using a word processor for the first time, and somebody was helping me learn how to do it. And one afternoon, it was Saturday afternoon, and we were both kind of glad there weren't many people around, so we could do our work. And she was becoming rather cranky. She had a cold, was feeling sick. She was probably wanting to go to bed.

[11:32]

But at the same time, was asked to do a job that had to be done by a doctor. And she was caught between two impossible extremes, that she was really sick and wanted to go home. On the other hand, the job had to be done. And she was getting pretty worked up. And I just said to her, I mean, it looks to me like you've created time for yourself. I'm sure something can be done. I'm sure the job can be extended. I really need to take care of your body right now. Unless you get together. [...] she realized that she was always casting her life in extremes which were both impossible and feeling very caught.

[12:46]

And it sounded familiar to me. I did that kind of thing. And perfectionism is another one of these characteristics. These grow out of alcoholic They were originally identified in alcoholic families, I guess. The families of alcoholics are characterized as co-dependents because without their complete cooperation in joining the process, a person who is on an addictive substance can't get away with it. But everybody makes room for his or her reality, joins the reality, develops it, and makes it blossom. And denying what's going on, not truthfully addressing, is pretty prevalent.

[13:57]

From that, lying, she was describing lying as being a very characteristic and socially acceptable mode for discourse in our society. And a little white lie, which can be characterized as where you're just being kind, or you're understanding what's going on, is really a way of avoiding meeting somebody, avoiding recognizing their dishonesty, avoiding recognizing your own fear. And she gives multiple examples of this kind of behavior. And it's pretty devastating. There was a meeting of about over 100 people, 150 people maybe in San Francisco, at Zen Center, on addiction meets Buddhism or something.

[15:02]

who were both practicing meditation, practicing Buddhism, and with parts of 12-step programs, couple kinds of programs. There's been groups, Yvonne Rand has one at her house, and there's been groups in the Bay Area, and quite a few students at Sun Center are attending such groups. And it's been, the program's been expanded now, kind of Zen Center-wide. So one Sunday evening when I was there, this 150 or so people came together for the first time, and the dining room was full. It was amazing. In the process, people were just talking about themselves, just their lives, giving examples of Growing up in families with alcohol dependency, drug dependency, sexual abuse, child abuse, suicide, just one story after another was devastating.

[16:11]

And each person talked about how isolated they felt and how burdened by their life and how hard it was for them to take care And what a relief it was for them to come to our child-care program. Some families found their way to one of these groups and to find that many other people shared their life experience. And it doesn't, it isn't that you have to. I've had an alcoholic family, a very druggy kind of family. Just a depressed family, psychologically dysfunctional family. So when I said the other night that we were all psychologically in a trance, emotionally in a trance, I really felt pretty strongly

[17:21]

In fact, this is the work that we are doing at Zen Center. Coming from a kind of culture that we have that's pretty infantile, that's looking for instant gratification and instant fix, we have taken this wisdom tradition that's coming from Japan and I think it's not easy for us to know how to work with it. I think we look to it as a means to fix, also. And instead of taking it on as a process, so our whole life integrating an understanding, Somehow, maybe I've always felt like I could just change myself this way or the other, I don't know.

[18:31]

Or that you try this healing method, or you try this therapy. You know, there's a range of therapies that always help you understand your life like this. Anyway, I think it's no wonder that there's some confusion in this about how to work with the practice of Shakyamuni Tantra. With the practice of no-brain-idea. With the practice that it's just this moment. We somehow want to convert that into something that's more familiar.

[19:33]

When I first came to Zen Center, I was remembering I couldn't believe the teaching. I was asked to investigate my experience in such detail, in such minute detail. I didn't retain traces of experience or sensation of thought. It was overwhelming. I couldn't do it. There was too much trouble sitting. A lot of difficulty just being able to hold as possible. And so for many years, I wasn't able to do the practice of investigating my feelings, investigating my thoughts. That's the giving eye breath. Somehow, I tuned it up. It was just enough to try to sit and keep my back straight. And I can remember Kadagiri Roshi just saying, the first session I sat with him, just keep your back straight.

[20:38]

And that kind of Krishnamurti, I think it was, said that all of us are afraid. What characterizes each of us is fear and what we are afraid of basically is each other. We're all afraid of each other. When you think of that, and realize that only a country which doesn't respect the child or have a way to teach the child to respect itself, its own experience, its own truth, can develop

[21:55]

I think that's why we're here. There's something about Suzuki Roshi's teaching, Suzuki Roshi's person, that made us feel whole. And in a practice like Seshina, we can see our whole life in the counseling of beings, beings, beings. Just as during Tantra, you reach yourself very clearly. One of the temples in the Miyoshinji complex, there's a garden.

[23:03]

It's a rectangular garden, narrow and long. And it consists exclusively of gravel, white gravel, raked, just raked, in one direction, in the lines of the rake. And somebody was escorting us around and told us that that garden represented our original formless nature. Our original self. And if you take that seriously, and hear that, and try to take it into your heart, that's what before birth and death, or before we take form, or beyond form.

[24:06]

And I feel like we have to make some real effort to know our life in this formless way, to find the real truth of our connection with each other and with everyone. It's beyond a conceptual instruction. To create a concept, somebody says, is to leave reality behind. To formulate something is to abandon So what I want to encourage us to do is to find some place in our body, a breath, a posture, some sensation, where we can turn ourselves over and really penetrate beyond the activity of the mind.

[25:24]

In the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, Buddha says, meditate on the body, in the body. Meditate on the feelings, in the feelings. To meditate on the body, in the body, is to penetrate thoroughly, deeply, the experience, sensation. Everything that's arising. Just be with it. Know it. Allow yourself to be with it. Drop it. Pain is wonderful. You can do this when there's pain. Use the pain.

[26:35]

Use the fear. Use resistance. Investigate resistance. Resentment. Investigate resentment. Get into the body level. Where is it in the body? Where is it in the brain? This is the Shobo Genzo Yuzuri Monke.

[27:55]

It's a translation of Dogen's lectures to Eijo, his disciple Eijo. It's taken down by Eijo. And this is a translation that was brought to us right after a group from the Soto shoot. If you wish to learn the Buddha Dharma, do not hold on to the conditioned mind of the past, present, and future. I truly understood that we must gradually reform previous thoughts and views and not hold firmly to them.

[29:03]

In one of the classics it is said, good advice sounds harsh to the ear. This means that useful advice always attends our ears. Even though it may be contrary to our liking, if we force ourselves to follow and carry there should be benefit in the long run. This is very familiar to all of us. The supreme way is not difficult. Just refuse to make preferences. Only when you cast aside the mind of discrimination will you be able to accept it immediately. To cast aside discriminating mind is to be part of your God.

[30:09]

To cast aside discriminating mind is to be part of your God. One last section. First he's talking about people who are just practicing to please other people. Having abandoned their parents, wives, and children, and no longer coveting offerings from patrons, they join the communities of practitioners to practice the Lord. However, when no one is around, they waste their time, neglecting to do what they should be doing. They are better than lay people, but they still cannot cast away their ego or their desire for pain and profit.

[31:19]

There are also those who are not concerned with what their teacher thinks, or whether the Shuso or other fellow practitioners are watching. They always bear in mind that practicing the Buddha way is not for the sake of others, but only for themselves. Such people desire to become leaders or patriarchs, to quote Body and Mind. And they truly practice diligently. They really seem to be people of the way, compared with the people naturally are. However, since they are still practicing, trying to improve themselves, they have not become free. They want to be admired by Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Desire to attain Buddhahood at complete awareness. This is because they still cannot throw away their desire for pain.

[32:23]

Just cast body and mind into the Buddha Dharma and practice without desire either to realize the way or to attain the Dharma. then you can be called an undefiled practitioner. I feel my own life depends on being able to practice without trying to attain wisdom, without trying to understand what you are, without trying to do anything just to understand and be unexperienced.

[33:45]

It feels like a life-threatening situation for me. I hope it is the same for you.

[34:06]

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