Good morning. If you're new to Berkley Zen Center, I want to especially welcome you and hope you'll come back. My name is Susan Marvin, and we're starting now today the third week of our six-week spring practice period. And I'm practicing as the shuso, the head student. During the practice period, the shuso gives several talks. And this is my second talk. Sojin Roshi traditionally gives the shuso a koan to study during the practice period. And so I will be talking today reading the koan to you and talking about the koan and what it means to me and how I relate to it in my limited understanding at this point in time.

[01:12]

So the koan comes from the Blue Cliff Records, which is a large collection of sayings or stories compiled of generations of Zen masters and practitioners. And the koans present a kind of situation or statement or problem for the practitioner to try to understand, not necessarily solve in the way that we think of a puzzle or our ordinary way of thinking about coming to some understanding, but to penetrate the koan in some way through our experience, through our direct experience and how we view the world through our practice. The koans are set up so that there's the koan and the main subject and then there are some verses and the verses kind of point to the meaning of the koan and then there's notes and commentary and so it can be quite lengthy.

[02:49]

I've been looking at three or four different translations and commentaries and some lectures by Suzuki Roshi in which he refers to the koan that I've been given. I'm going to use today a translation by Katsuki Sekida. He died in 1987. He was born in Japan and studied there. He was actually a high school English teacher, but Zen was his lifelong interest and he studied in Japan and then taught in Hawaii and London. So the koan is about Uman, otherwise known in Chinese as Yunmen, and he was of the 10th century Chinese Zen master.

[03:51]

He was He founded one of the five major schools of Chinese Zen, and in the Blue Cliff Record, there are many, many stories about him, something like 18 or 20, so he's quite famous. There's one story in particular that's quite famous about him, in which when he was a young man, he went to a master's temple seeking the way, and he was turned away twice And the third time when he went, the master shouted, speak, speak. And he, just as he was about to speak and he put his foot through the gate door, the master slammed the door, the gate, and his leg was caught in the gate and broke. And, you know, when we hear that story today, we kind of cringe or we, we may think it borders on or is some kind of abuse.

[04:55]

And we don't like to hear stories like that. But actually, after I read that, I thought, well, how can we apply that? What can we get from that to apply to our modern day study of Zen? And what is it that our own teacher right here is trying to do to wake us up? certainly not slam the door on our leg, but just last week when I went to Dokusan, I went in and I sat down and I asked Sojin to give me advice about the practice period, and he said, okay, but first, when you walked in, you kind of hesitated when you bowed. Don't do that. And it was such a wonderful reminder, I felt like I woke up in the moment to his encouragement because hesitation is kind of an edge in my life and something that I've always worked with.

[05:59]

So the koan that I've been given is, every day is a good day. And You know, I don't want to make lightly of that, because when we first hear that, every day is a good day, it sounds kind of, well, it could sound easy, it could sound corny, it could sound rosy. Last week, a few days ago, I went to Charlie Ware's house to have tea with him, and he asked me what the koan was, and I told him, and he said, well, that sounds like Norman Vincent Peale. And we laughed. And I said, well, I don't plan to talk about that way. And I said, well, what do you think it's about? And he put his arms out like this, and he said, the whole universe is unfolding every day. And I said, well, that's the way that I want to talk about the koan.

[07:05]

So, every day is a good day. Sojin pointed out to me, he didn't say every day is a day. So what does that mean, every day is a good day? We have to find some other way to go beyond our normal understanding of what good is. Because the minute we say good, then we say bad. And so, If we go beyond the meaning of good and bad, then we can translate the word in the Koan to mean something like, as it is, just as it is. Every day is as it is. And why is that important to us? Why do we want to go beyond this idea of good and bad? Sometimes I hear people say, I love Zazen. It's not that that isn't okay, but I think this koan is trying to point us towards going beyond this idea that we love something or we like something, because the minute we say that, it's inevitable that we're gonna say we hate something or we don't like something.

[08:37]

So I can say, I like Zazen, but I don't like service. I like Zazen, but I don't like Soji. I like Zazen, but I don't like going to work. And the thing is that the world needs us to bring our attention and our effort to going to work in the same way that we bring our attention and our effort to Zazen, there's no difference. And our temple needs us to bring our attention and our effort and our joy to taking care of the temple. Going to work period and going to Soji and doing everything with the same mind that we tempt to bring to Zazen. So to say good and bad doesn't quite go deep enough or real enough.

[09:45]

But if we treat everything with the same attitude, it doesn't mean, I don't think it means we don't feel bad some days, or we don't have difficult moments during days, or we don't have problems. We all have all of those things. And I don't think the koans saying, cheer up and don't concentrate on those things. We need to bring our attention to our problems as well. But it's our attitude that we bring to everything in our lives that means the most. What Zazen mind can we bring to all of our activities? When we go from good to bad and back to good and back to bad We're adding something extra, and we're trying to, in our practice, practice dropping the extra. The weather is always changing around us, moment to moment, and yet the weather isn't trying to be something other than what it is.

[10:57]

It's there in full force, and so are we. We're changing moment by moment, just like the weather is. And we're a part of something much bigger than our own small moments. We're part of something, part of the universe as it changes moment to moment. And when we realize that, we can let go of our preoccupation with likes and dislikes, good and bad. Every day is a good day reminds me of a colleague I had some years ago, maybe 20 years ago, and I used to teach on the Mills College campus, and she was probably the age I am then, and she had a recurrence of cancer. She'd had cancer when she was quite young, and it had been in remission, and it came this time as bone cancer,

[12:04]

And so she had to stop working, I think sometimes towards the end of the summer. And she died on Thanksgiving Day. But after she stopped working, I went to visit her quite regularly. And she called me up one day in late September, or maybe it was early October, and she said it's time to plant bulbs, and I've had these big bags of planting mix delivered, but I'm getting weaker and weaker, and I can't lift them, and I wanna plant the bulbs, and would you come and help me? And I said, sure, so I went over there, and she lived in North Berkeley, and had these big, big pots on her front steps, several of them, and we planted bulbs together and had a lovely time. And while we were planting the bulbs, I thought, you know, she's not going to be around to see these bulbs bloom.

[13:12]

And I know she was aware of that. And we didn't say a word about that. But I was so moved by her joyful presence in that day of planting bulbs knowing that she wouldn't see them bloom. Planting bulbs in and of itself was a wonderful activity and to me that's what this koan is about. Every day is a good day. So I'm going to read the the main subject, and then I'm going to read some of the verses. The verses are written by Setso, and he was another famous Zen master and poet. And then I'm going to talk about what it means to me as we go along. So the main subject says, Uman addressed the assembly and said, I'm not asking you about the days before the 15th of the month, but what about after the 15th?

[14:22]

Come and give me a word about those days." And he himself gave the answer for them. Every day is a good day. So, Uthman addressed the assembly. He addressed a group of priests and he said, I'm not asking you about the days before the 15th of the month. In other words, I think he's saying, I'm not asking you about what already happened. That doesn't matter. What happened yesterday or in the past or 15 days before now, or even this morning, I'm asking you about where are you right now? What about after the 15th? Come and give me a word about those days. Where are you in this moment? Where is Buddha? Where is our human nature? And when I was reading various commentaries, they said that Uman was quite a fierce teacher himself, and direct, and may have shouted those words out, and that people didn't know what to say.

[15:38]

So it says, he himself gave the answer for them. Every day is a good day. So Setjo's verse says, Setting aside one, you gained seven. No one can rival you, above, below, or in the four directions. Quietly waiting the rapids, you extinguish the sound of the waters. Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds. Grass grows rampant, mist lies thick. Setting aside one, you gain seven. I think he means put the past behind you. Set aside the past. Set aside the moment before this one. And when we do that, you gain seven.

[16:39]

I think he just means there are many things that present themselves to us. The present moment presents a whole new world to us. This line reminded me of when Sojin invited me to practice as the shusa, I had some doubt. You know, I practiced here for about 10 years and then I left temple practice when our daughter was a young child and my parents were quite old and moving towards their own deaths and I had a lot of responsibilities. So I didn't practice here for ten years and I came back three years ago when our daughter went to high school. And I thought, there are going to be some people that aren't going to like the idea of me being the Shiseo because I haven't been around.

[17:46]

And the Sojin said, oh, forget about that, just practice. And I thought, you know, if I follow that thought that I'm having, it's gonna lead me right away from practicing as the Shuso. It's going to lead me to making up stories, and it's going to hinder the way I practice. Set aside, one, you gain seven. And in these last two weeks, during our classes, Sochen is presenting the Eight Levels of Mind Consciousness. He's been talking about watering the seeds that don't hinder practice and don't water the seeds that hinder practice. And so I thought that's exactly what happened when I realized I don't want to follow that thought.

[18:53]

I don't want to follow that worry because that will be watering a seed that will hinder the way I continue to practice. No one can rival you above, below, or in the four directions. I think this is my favorite line in the verse. What it means to me is there's no, this is not an elite membership Zen practice. This practice is for anyone who wants to dedicate themselves to practice. This line is so encouraging to me. Just like Uman, just like our ancestors, just like the great sage or someone beginning Zen practice today. It's right there for us, inviting us to step into the path and make our effort.

[20:00]

We're no different, any of us. And it encourages us not to put ourselves down and not to puff ourselves up and not to compare ourselves to each other. I wrote a little note here, it says, each of us has a chance to touch Buddha nature, our human nature, to bring that forth and remove the coverings of the mind. Quietly wading the rapids, you extinguish the sound of waters. Quietly wading the rapids, I think that just means slowing down. We all lead such busy lives and through the practice of Sazen, we learn to slow down. Quietly wading the rapids, you extinguish the sound of the waters.

[21:08]

How do we find that quiet place in the middle of those loud rapids? How do we find that silence in the midst of noise or discomfort or dissatisfaction or pain or suffering? You extinguish the sound of the waters. So in our daily lives, we learn to find the way. Within the activity, we find a kind of middle way. I was telling Sojin the other day, this line reminded me of something that Maile Scott once told me. Many years ago, I went to her and I said, oh, you know, I'm not really sure that I'm cut out for this practice because I don't really enjoy being in large crowds of people.

[22:12]

I'd rather be out somewhere far away." And she listened and she said, well, you know, your resting spot might be more solitary, but for all of us, if we practice this way continuously, we can all find our comfort within any situation that we find ourselves in. And I always remembered that as really generous, encouraging words that I've thought of many times over the years. Quietly waiting the rapids, you extinguish the sound of the waters. Right here at Berkeley Zen Center, when we have weekend sashims, Just a couple doors down we have the Thai temple and they often have lots of loud Thai music going on.

[23:16]

You know, it's so quiet today, but often there's a lot of music. And sometimes I hear people say, oh, I love that music. And I hear other people say, oh, I can't stand that music. And so quietly waiting the rapids, slowing down, We find our way in the midst of that sound, whether we like it or don't like it. And how do we slow down during our day? You know, zazen helps us to slow down, but what are some other ways that we learn to slow down during the day? I've heard people, I've heard sojins say, come back to your breath and posture throughout the day. that's really helpful. I like to garden and we live on a corner and I have a lot of flowers planted along the side and the front and I've planted them rather intensively and I go out there probably eight times a day maybe even ten times a day and just look at them walk along the sidewalk on both sides and just observe the flowers and you know

[24:35]

There's always something different, like a bud has opened, or a petal has fallen, or a plant has grown an inch. And just by going out so many times during the day, I find that it helps me think about how much our lives are changing. Helps to slow me down and remind me to look, to see what's around me. There's another verse here, silence reigning all around, the song of the cicadas penetrates the rocks. It's a kind of nice image about quietly wading the rapids, you extinguish the sounds of the waters. Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds. Watching at leisure. How many of us take the time to watch at leisure?

[25:40]

That's such an encouraging phrase, isn't it? Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds. Well, flying birds leave no traces, right? But we often bring so much to our assessment of what we see. We always bring some something more than our perception of what we see. But watching at leisure, perhaps we can see more of what's there. We have our sense perception, what we see, and then slowly we begin to have an idea or an identification of what it is to see. And then before we know it, we're adding a storyline of something that is extra. I see those birds in the sky, and how many times do I just stop and enjoy that?

[26:47]

But maybe I start thinking about, well, the last time I saw them was this time, and this time of year they do this, and so I know they are this kind of birds, and they're going here, and all of a sudden I'm off and running. And it might be true, but it might not be true. So watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds. Sometimes we miss what's around us when the mind gets going. He says here, the mind and things are of one piece. The birds in the sky are not two but one, not one but two. This line reminded me of my father at the end of his life.

[27:53]

My father died at 95 and he was here for the last two years of his life. I guess when he was in his 95th year, one day he said to me, his mind was fine until the end, but his body really started falling apart in the last few months. He said to me, my whole body is falling apart and it's taking a very long time. And I said to him, well, you know, Dad, you could stop eating. And he looked at me as if I was crazy and he said, why would I want to do that, Susan? And I realized I had completely misconstrued what he said because I added my own background agenda, my own ideas of what I thought I might do if I was in his position. And I realized it all at once that he was just saying my whole body

[28:57]

is falling apart and it's taking a very long time, period. But he was holding, he was actually holding his great love of being alive and his complete preparedness for dying together in the same way. Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds. Grass grows rampant, mist flies thick. He says, the activity of consciousness often becomes entangled in jungle-like complications, which brings worry and suffering.

[30:01]

In positive samadhi, however, positive samadhi is like our daily activity, silence within activity. In positive samadhi, however, you penetrate into the complications. He doesn't say you push the complications away. You don't pretend they're not there. You don't get mad at them. You penetrate into the complications. And this brings serenity of mind, just as the shrill singing of the cicadas penetrates into the rocks, and by contrast, creates serenity all around. Grass grows rampant represents the busy activity of consciousness in active, positive samadhi. By contrast, Mists Lies Thick represents the absolute aspect of samadhi, where all phenomena retire into the background of consciousness, zazen.

[31:13]

So, even if we are all to agree that every day is a good day, how do we practice with that? How do we practice that day by day? So in thinking about this, I was thinking we have a lot of things that our practice encourages us to do. Encourages us to be flexible. And we have all kinds of positions that we rotate here. So we can't get used to one particular position. So we're learning to be flexible in this way, to get off our spot, our way of thinking about something. We're encouraged to be flexible and we're also encouraged to connect with others, to depend on others, to rely on the people around us.

[32:25]

And so when I think about that, I think about the natural world, actually. Many years ago, before I came to teaching, I farmed and we lived up in Yolo County. And I used to drive every day past these huge sunflower fields. And in the fall, when sunflowers are harvested, they're very tall. They're harvested for oil. In the fall in Yolo County, there are heavy, heavy winds. So driving by these large, large fields, you'd see thousands of sunflowers on a windy day, completely bent over in a horizontal position. It was the only way they could survive the great winds. If they determined to stay upright, they would break. they would not be able to withstand those winds.

[33:30]

And by being planted together in rows closely, they supported one another. And I used to think about what a wonderful image that was for us to think about, that through our flexibility and through our dependence on each other, we're able to bend and grow through the difficult times that we all face as we go through our lives. The other thing that we're, another thing we're encouraged to do in our practice is to say yes. It's not that it isn't okay to say no, it's important to say no sometimes too, but saying yes kind of clears the way. And I certainly have found that to be true myself in saying yes to accepting this position.

[34:37]

It cleared the way for me to practice in a way that's been very joyous and supported by all of you. When we say yes, then we We break the habit of hesitation and we can go deeper. And through that process we develop faith. We make mistakes, we fall down and we stand up, but really In my mind, it's the standing up that's more important than the falling down. Our culture sometimes focuses on why we fall down.

[35:38]

It's not that falling down, understanding why isn't important, but how we stand up, what our attitude is towards standing up when we make mistakes is what's most important. And I think Another thing that really encourages us in our practice are all the members who've come before us, who've been practicing for so long. Here in our sangha, we have so many people who've been practicing for so many years, and when those people come to the end of their lives, their equanimity in facing their own deaths can be a wonderful example to all of us. I remember actually the day that Dolly Gattosi died, she was up and walking around in her kitchen above the community room and I was having tea with her and we were chatting and many, many people had brought her these little bags of food and she had them lined up on the counter and she said, I can't eat anything, but would you please

[36:53]

thank all these people for bringing me this food. And by afternoon, she was in her bed. And by late afternoon, she was no longer talking. And by evening, a group of us had gone there to chant the Heart Sutra around her. And by late evening, she died in the company of her teacher and her good friend, Liz. And it was a good death. Every day is a good day. And her way of dealing with how she died was an inspiration to so many of us. I guess the other thing that I wanted to say was we're also encouraged to follow our breath and our posture, and that can really help us in moments of difficulty throughout the day.

[38:10]

Focus on what's right in front of us helps to bring us back to the present moment, not linger in the past or jump to the present. I wanted to leave a little bit of time for people to ask questions or tell their own ways of dealing with every day is a good day, but I wanted to just end by reading something that I read in one of Suzuki Roshi's lectures. He mentions every day is a good day, and he says, or, he calls it, everyone has Buddha nature, or in our great activity, whatever we do, that is our great activity. And he says from that viewpoint,

[39:16]

When we say, everyone, everything has Buddha nature, nothing is great or nothing is small, we're talking about our original nature. And when, you know, when we put emphasis on this, on actual practice, then practice is the way to have direct experience. But when you hear that and you try to understand, Everything has Buddha nature. If you say then or but, it does not follow when we talk about this. You can say then or but, but then your understanding is not anymore. Everything has Buddha nature, period. So Jin, would you like to say something? You know, good and bad are a problem that we have when we succumb to judgments of good and bad.

[40:29]

So, you know, we have this new little dog, not so little, but very strong. And when he's good, he's very good. And when she's bad, she's very bad. But she's neither good nor bad, she's just herself. Every moment is a good moment. It's hard not to say those words in your day. I mean, you know, if you try to go around for a day and not say those words, it's very hard. Miriam. Well, it's such a pleasure to see you out there. It's a pleasure to see you there. And I think Sojin recognized that you It was the practice.

[41:40]

It is the practice. But your talk just reminded me. I drive to the city every other day in terrible traffic, and I listen to this 92.7 station, which is the most current music. Some of it's rap music. And there's this song out there about this guy's rapping about, you know, you can't pay your rent. and you don't even have money for your next drug, or all these things that you don't have money for. But if you're not six feet under, it's a good day. And I'm in this terrible traffic, going three miles an hour, and it's such an inspiration to me. It's a good day. What's my problem? I'm not six feet under. That's great. all of us.

[42:41]

Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Peter. I showed up here today with a question for Sojin, but since you shared a seat, it's a little bit about this problem of good and bad, but your eloquence about choosing practice as the next thing, saying yes to that, is really wonderful. You touched on something, talking about watering the seeds of generosity rather than covetousness. We want to choose that. It's understandable to choose good karma. But how do we do that without trying to gain something? Yeah, that's a really good question, isn't it? I think we have to the minute we recognize we're on that path to gaining, we've just got to catch it and remind ourselves, like befriend it in a way, not slap it, but, oh, there you are again, hi.

[43:59]

And then come back to the breath and posture. Because it's kind of like what I was saying about if I follow that thought, it's going to take me right away from practice, right? It's going to hinder real practice. It's just a diluted thought that I'm going to gain something. So it's kind of like, I remember when Lihong was taking a class, where was that, Lihong? self-defense class and they taught them to take bad thoughts and go like this and dump them in the garbage. Didn't they teach you to actually do that physically? It's kind of like that. You have to take that little idea and throw it away and then try again.

[45:04]

I don't know. What do you think? Thank you. Dean. Surprise, surprise. While you were talking, I was thinking about when I, well, last fall, I planted, I don't know, 40, 45, and my seedlings were all about this big, and I bring them in every night, and I take them out in the morning, and I check on them all day, and all this stuff. At one point, the golden crown sparrows came in and mowed half of them down. I wasn't sure what it was. Looked in to see, I might see them, but they were never by those ferns. Well, the next day, all of the leaves were gone. And then the third day went out, all the stems were gone. And the thing is, I spoke with our friend Robin, who was having a similar situation. I just was like, well, they were hungry.

[46:09]

And they're kind of thrown off these days. They probably normally wouldn't have been around that time. And I notice then the deer come in and they mow what's left down. And the thing about it is, is I'm pretty generous with the animals. You know, it doesn't seem to get me. I'm much less generous with people. So... I know with the animals, I do, I think, well, you know, the deer were taken over their space. They need something deep. Oh, those sparrows, you know, they're in a hard time. This weather's bad. They need something deep. And so it becomes, it's a good day. I mean, when they laid them all down, it was kind of fun, because, wow, Wow, there were only a few of them in Zoom. They were gone. They were plants that were there for weeks. I watched them grow and then they were just gone. And it didn't bother me. But, so how do I bring that? Because it was a good day.

[47:10]

They got a really great meal. They were well-fed plants. And how do I shift that? What can I do? Because I must have the ability. What can I do to... Masks. Think of all those people driving nuts as those little birds put their faces on. Who's going to be the raven? Who's going to be the goody bird? That's a good thought. I'll keep that one. It looks like it's time to stop. We can go outside and chat. Thank you all so much. I really feel so much support from everyone.

[48:07]

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