Thank you. And good morning. Is this sounding okay to people? Yes, okay. Yeah, I think so. Maybe a little up. How about that? Does that sound okay? Yeah? People in the back can hear me? Yes. Okay, so thank you for being here. This is like a full-time weekend at the Berkley Zen Center and I appreciate you all coming this morning. We have lots of activities all weekend long and this is just one of them. So, One of the things that in my role as Shuso that I do is I study a koan for the six weeks of the practice period.

[02:00]

And I think everybody has an idea what a koan is, but these are kind of a collection of stories that were compiled in the 11th and 12th century in China. And they actually are kind of stories that took place maybe hundreds of years before that. And usually the, The Zen masters in them are actual Zen masters that we believe existed. These aren't totally made up stories, although certain aspects may be. One of the things about most of the koans, I haven't read all of them, but the ones I've read is that there's some dialogue or sort of face-to-face meeting that happens in the koan.

[03:02]

And they could be very short and they could actually not be talking. It could be a gesture or a, you know, a movement of some kind, but it's something that happens between people, usually two Zen masters or three Zen masters or some students and a Zen master or one student and a Zen master, but it's something that happens between people. and that these stories illuminate our teachings in some way, and that these sort of encounters are illuminating of our teaching. So I also wanna say that another thing that I do during the practice period in my role is I have tea with small groups of people who are in the practice period have signed up to join the practice period, or a few other people who are just members of the Zen Center and want to come to the teas.

[04:08]

And I've had a theme, you know, for some of the teas, which is about, you know, the sort of meaning or the value of Sangha or the Zen community, which In our temple we value very highly and in Buddha's teachings our value just generally very highly. So along with Buddha and Dharma there's Sangha right up there with those other two. And this was, you know, kind of an interesting thing for me. I didn't really know why that was and I really wanted to talk to people about it and think about it with them. And people have said very interesting and wonderful and sometimes very personal things about it. But one of the things that they've said, that somebody has said, or more than one person, is that the Sangha, the community, amplifies the teaching. for them so that in some way their engagement with other people is illuminating.

[05:19]

And it could be that somebody says something or shares something. It could be something more negative, more abrasive. But it's these, again, these sort of face-to-face contact that has amplified the teaching for them. So, I was sort of struck that, you know, there's something so valuable in this encounter that we have. And I have to say that people have, I've encountered a lot of people in my role, both in the teas, but also I've spent time He was a very powerful and sort of well-known teacher in the 8th century.

[07:22]

He had quite a long life. He had a lot of disciples. He was physically a very big and strong and sort of influential teacher. But this story takes place at the end of his life. He was, I think, 78 years old. And actually, as the sort of story goes, or the myth, it's purported that he died the day after this story took place. So, here it is. Baso, a Zen Chinese master, was sick in bed. The managing monk of his temple visited him and asked, teacher, how do you feel these days? Baso answered, sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha. So, in a way it seems simple.

[08:24]

He's willing to be with what is. Again, I can imagine, and this is my imagination, that he was, you know, a very healthy, strong person for much of his life, and at the end, by this time, probably much more frail and weak. But still, just what was happening was sort of okay with him. So that's a very simple and sort of profound, maybe it's an aspiration to let things be just the way they are and to accept them as they are. Yet there's more that I can say about it. And for me, and this is sort of my thing, I really feel like the image of the sun and the moon are strong for me in this koan and particularly the way that the sun has a cycle and it changes and at times it's incredibly hot and high and powerful.

[09:37]

And, you know, when it goes down it could be just a little crescent on the horizon and then it's gone for however long, 12 hours or so. And then it barely reappears and sort of brings a new day. You know, sometimes it's covered for days at a time here. We don't see it at all. So that kind of change is sort of constant and the moon even more so perhaps, you know, that it's you know, big and bright in the middle of the sky and then, you know, just a few days later, especially if you're not paying attention, you know, it's like half as big and then this tiny little thing and then it's not there. You know, some days you don't see it at all and some days you see it during the day and some days you don't, you know, it's not there. And even, you know, the place we see it from, you know, the earth or our perspective is moving also.

[10:40]

So that for me is an image of a lot of cycling movement, a lot of change and a sort of a flow or fluid movement that, you know, again, when I have that image and it's sort of alive for me, that it's, you know, it does allow me to sort of let go and, you know, kind of, be part of the fact that everything's changing. And when I hold on, you know, and I don't want to let things go, which is a lot of the time as well, you know, there is some suffering because things still change even if I don't want them to. So I remembered when I was thinking about this little chant that we chanted when I was at a Zendo where Joko Beck was the teacher, and some of you may be familiar with this.

[11:42]

I've sort of forgotten about it. It's short. I'll read it. Unceasing change turns the wheel of life, and so reality is shown in all its many forms. Peaceful dwelling in change itself liberates all suffering sentient beings. I don't know where that came from. So life and death, you know, they're related. You don't get one without the other. Maybe that's the biggest challenge. sickness and health, love and hate, peace and war. You can hold on to peace, but there's still war. So not pushing away and not clinging. And, you know, when that's happening, it is fluid, it's a flow.

[12:48]

I'm going to sort of continue with another way of looking at this koan, and this one I'll remind people who heard it before and tell people who haven't that there's a little history that goes along with this koan, which is you know sometime I think during the 7th century or the 8th century there was a book published or that was a translation into Chinese of a list of the legendary Buddhas that were said to exist before Shakyamuni Buddha who's the one that we usually refer to and in this list there was 192 Buddhas and that came from maybe different realms and, you know, sort of existed at different times. And two of them were the Sun-Faced Buddha and the Moon-Faced Buddha. And the Sun-Faced Buddha, you know, part of the story about him was that he lived for 1800 years.

[13:55]

And part of the story about the Moon-Faced Buddha was that he lived a day and a night. So when Baso says sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha, it is again, it's like being open to a long life or a short life. And, you know, one sort of thinks that that really was okay with Baso. And again, that's kind of a aspiration But, you know, I love life and I prefer the idea of living a while longer and the thought of dying tomorrow is not my preference. And I kind of hope it's not yours, you know, you know, it's it really and maybe it wasn't Basso's, you know, we don't really know that it wasn't.

[14:58]

But I think the way that you So what I'm saying, and this question of preferences has been sort of a lie for me and I know for some other people, that it's kind of the way that you hold a preference rather than that you have it. And, you know, there's a quote from Dogen, Although everything has Buddha nature, we love flowers and we do not care for weeds. And so, you know, a preference is really just a preference. And when you hold onto it or wanna make the world align with it, I think then there can be suffering for you and others.

[16:00]

And I'm gonna tell two stories. And the first one is that when I was in the second grade, I loved my teacher. And I entered a science fair. And I don't remember much about my project except it involved my guinea pigs. And I wanted to win. And I didn't win. And I went into the room and took the first place ribbon off somebody else's and put it on mine. And I really did do that. And for better or worse, my beloved teacher, noticed. And, you know, there was a lot of suffering, which was probably a good lesson for me. But, you know, I wanted to make the world the way I wanted it. And anyway, that was a difficult learning experience.

[17:06]

And, you know, there's a way that our preferences become are actions and identity. And again, I think there's a way of holding them lightly. And I'm going to tell another story. And I haven't talked a lot about parenting. And actually, this isn't really a parenting story, at least it's not about my parenting so much. But I do have a son. And really, from the time he was one year old, he was compelled, obsessed with sticks and balls. And, you know, whether this was nature or nurture, I cannot tell you because my husband is also really likes sports and played a lot of sports and was sort of fostered this obsession, I have to say. And, you know, by the time Noah was three or four, he was going off, you know, to baseball games with my husband.

[18:08]

And they would go early and wait for a long time and get to go on the field with his idols. And then they would watch the game and Noah would have a little tiny kid's glove and be waiting for the fly ball to come to him. And, you know, when he was five or so, he started playing t-ball. And then when he was seven or eight, he started playing kind of real baseball. And he was pretty little. I mean, he was little even for his age, but he was so serious about it. And he practiced and, you know, they all practiced. They all threw the ball and caught the ball and hit the ball. You know, and they had their outfits, you know, those pants that just come down to below your knee and you have to wear those high socks with them. And, you know, they were into it. And they had their bag with their, you know, their bats in it. And they would play at that age real games.

[19:09]

I'm not sure if they played nine innings, but they seemed long. And they would, You know, they would play their little hearts out, you know, and they would, like, you know, tag someone out, you know, just like a real baseball player. But they would also, like, miss the ball and throw it to the wrong person and drop it and so on. But, you know, and then sometimes they would cry and stuff and they were still little. But then, you know, whether, no matter what happened, the game would end and they would have won or lost. And the actual, this story is really doesn't, it could be either. They would either have won or lost it, but let's say they lost. So they would walk off the field, and they would, like, kind of be hangdog, and, you know, they would, you know, kind of gather, and then the parents would have brought a snack, and say the snack was watermelon and a drink.

[20:12]

So you'd give them a piece of watermelon, and they would go off and eat it and drink their drink. And then after a little while, not very long, maybe four minutes, somebody would throw a piece of watermelon at somebody else. And then that person would get up and start to chase boy number one. And you know, within five minutes or 10 at the most, they would be running around the park, yelling and happy as could be. Like, it was over for them. Now, the parents would be huddled talking about who dropped the ball. And maybe if that person practiced a little more, things would go better next time. Or maybe if the umpire, you know, they couldn't let go. But the kids, it was so over. I was just astounded by this. I just couldn't believe it. Really, it was just lifts my heart.

[21:13]

By the time they were 12 or 13 or 14, by then they were serious baseball players and, you know, it really mattered to them if they were winners or losers. they would be the ones huddled, saying, who dropped the ball, and maybe that umpire made a bad choice. And they held on to it, and they could feel bad for a long time after they lost the game, and they could feel good for a long time after they won one. So, it shifted, something shifted for them, and it was their identity. It was, they couldn't let go, or they did eventually, but it took them a while. So I think that is sort of a story about preference. They wanted to win. And either they did or they didn't. You know, the world does what it does. And they suffered or they didn't. One mother told me she couldn't talk to her son for 24 hours after a game. She just couldn't say anything to him. You know, he was so depressed if they lost.

[22:17]

I'll just read the rest of Dogen here. A flower falls even though we love it, and a weed grows even though we do not love it. So again, if we can let them go, hold them lightly, you know, they can be fun. Those passions are fun. It's when we hold onto them and want to sort of orient the whole world to align with them that I think, you know, we suffer and we cause suffering. And I could give you some examples of that, but I don't think I'm going to. Although I could. Would you like one? Yes, okay. So during practice period, my daughter presented her PhD proposal in Seattle. I came to Zazen in the morning.

[23:29]

I went home and picked my husband up. We went to the airport. We got on a plane and flew to Seattle. We took a train to the university and we attended her event. you know, wasn't the greatest timing for me, but you know, I was being good. And then we had a party for her afterwards. And during that time, she was sniffy, maybe you might even say quite rude to me. And this was not the way I wanted it. You know, this wasn't the way I had pictured it. I thought I'd really gone out of my way and she should really appreciate it. And I think she did. I wouldn't say she didn't. But, you know, this had been very stressful for her. And luckily, I bit my lip. but it was hard. And I did talk to her about it the next day in a more measured way.

[24:32]

And we had a good talk about it, but I'll just say what she said. I said, you know, Rosemary, you wouldn't talk to anyone else that way. You know, and she said, you're right, but you're my mother. So, you know, one more piece of this then becomes, how do we decide what to do? If we're not gonna always do what we prefer, you know, then what do we do? And I would say that our Zazen practice speaks to that, but I think my dance practice speaks to that also. because there are times when, well, I'll just say that I've made a lot of dances in my life, and some of them involve a good amount of improvisation.

[25:39]

So there might be some structure, but really you choose to do what you're going to do during the performance. And it's a, It's a practice and it's a practice that I've practiced a lot and a lot of dancers have practiced a lot. And when you perform a piece like that, one of the things you do is you, or what I do is I try to be as present as I can with what is going on at the moment in the space. So that would include the audience, And it would include the other performers. It would include the sound, whatever that might be. It would include the shape of the space and the lighting and maybe, you know, the moment in history or the political moment or whatever.

[26:40]

And then you respond. You sort of wait for what's called for and do what's called for. And You know, sometimes that works better than others, but when it does work, you don't necessarily do your preference. And your preference might be, you know, two people are performing that you love to dance with, and they're doing something together, and you want to join. That's not what's called for. You know, whatever they're doing is fine without you, so you don't do it. Or maybe you have a movement that's very flashy and you really like doing it, but this moment doesn't call for it, so you don't do it. My friend, that says you really have to get your thoughts quiet.

[27:45]

She calls them the chihuahuas of the mind. She says she has to turn to them sometimes. You have the thoughts like, oh, they're not gonna like this, this isn't going well. She turns to them and she goes, down boy, down, down. So anyway, I just, You know, again, I wanted to say that there is a way of listening, both in that setting and in maybe other settings, where you're listening to something other than your thoughts and your preferences, maybe including your thoughts and preferences. Maybe that's part of the picture. I think in some traditions, they might say, Thy will, Lord, not mine, be done. Or dare I use the word intuition?

[28:48]

Maybe trusting your sort of authentic or true self, your Buddha nature, you could call it. But it, you know, it does require sort of quieting things down, I think. So I'm gonna read you one more thing. This is a little bit longer, but I think it really speaks to it. Probably a lot of you know this. This is actually a Taoist piece and it's by Chong Tzu who lived in 350 BC, which, you know, makes me think that, We've been human for a long time. So this is a story. Qing, the chief carpenter, was carving wood into a stand for musical instruments. When finished, the work appeared to those who saw it as though of supernatural execution.

[29:57]

And the Prince of Lu asked him, what mystery is there in your art? "'No mystery, your highness,' replied Jing. "'And yet there is something. "'When I am about to make such a stand, "'I first reduce my mind to absolute quiescence. "'Three days in this condition and I become oblivious "'to any reward to be gained. "'Five days and I become oblivious "'to any fame to be acquired. Seven days and I become unconscious of my four limbs and my physical frame. Then with no thought of the court present in my mind, my skill becomes concentrated and all disturbing elements from without are gone. I enter some mountain forest. I search for a suitable tree. It contains the form required, which is afterwards elaborated.

[30:58]

I see the stand in my mind's eye and then set to work. Beyond that, there is nothing. I bring my own native capacity into relation with that of the wood. What was suspected to be of supernatural execution in my work was due solely to this. So I'm gonna stop there and ask you, first I'll ask Sojin if he has any thoughts. Okay, so I can't always see you because I'm looking this way, so wait, yeah, okay. Yeah, I've been watching basketball too.

[32:15]

You know, I live in Oakland. So, you know, it's like this incredible thing. I mean, everybody, every place you go, people like I saw a guy who had 10 flags on his car. And, you know, and then, you know, if they win, that's wonderful and you feel good. And if they lose, people do forget it like that. It's just so great. Thank you, Linda. Yes! That's it. Ross. Yeah.

[33:46]

Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Oh, yes. Hmm. Wow. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Katie. Mm-hmm. You know, I know just what you mean, exactly.

[34:53]

I think we all do. And I think my thought about that is just that. That's part of it all, you know, that you are totally grip. I mean, you know, you may not be, but I am sometimes. That's just so. That's just it. That's what I'm doing. And there's not a wrong about that. There might be some suffering with it, but that's not wrong. I mean, it just is what is. You know, it's part of it all. So, that's what I think. Yes? Yeah, I think, you know, I think it's interesting. I think in this koan, more often I've heard it as sort of the relative, the sort of, you know, but I think,

[35:56]

One thing I like about that particular thing is that yes, it often is, and there's no right way of looking at anything. But in this particular koan, then it's the relativist enlightenment, right? Hmm.

[37:04]

Great, thank you. Cake. I tried, but it was completely covered by clouds. Did you? Wow, that's interesting. I hadn't even thought about that. That's a whole thing I hadn't even thought of. Right? Wow, that's a great image. I also will say that every... I couldn't understand this, really, and I still totally can't. I mean, can't totally, but everyone I know who saw it said it was incredibly amazing.

[38:05]

It's hard to imagine why, but, you know, everybody said that. Oh, yes, Charlie. Thank you. That's right. I remember that. Yeah, thank you. Micheline. Yes, yes. Right.

[39:31]

Yeah, no, I know. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's a good question. And I, you know, what comes to my mind, because I've been thinking a little bit about that, too, is You know, Alan actually wrote me he was away and asked me how I was doing, and I wrote back that I felt a little bit unmoored. Do you know that word, unmoored? Sort of untethered. And I was a little uncomfortable with that. But I actually think that we anchor ourselves, you know, and that's sort of comfortable to anchor yourself. And that there's something about letting go of those anchors that, you know, is pretty vital, actually. And sort of that's kind of just my thought about that. So, Alan. I figured you would be, Alan.

[40:48]

So is that our practice or our life? Okay. I see, okay. Yeah, thank you. Mary. Thank you. Yes. And then working back, you know, reverse engineering that, then that committee would be holding

[42:28]

Yeah, I'm glad you said that. I actually sort of left that out about that. We're not talking about indifference, even, you know. And yes, I think that's confusing, you know, what equanimity is. And it has been to me, actually. No, I'm talking about you know, letting go, you know, really, and not, not keeping things down and, but not holding on to them either, you know, some, some, some little dance along there. Peter. Right. Right. That's what I've heard too, actually.

[43:38]

Oh yeah. Mm. Right. Too bad. All right. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you want to say something? Oh, OK. Rondi. I'm wondering, as an artist and as a dancer, have you not had experience passions.

[44:47]

Yes, and I think that's also it's hard and it's one of the reasons I'm here. You know, I do feel like those things are connected to sort of practice with, you know, being unmoored in, you know, in a Yeah, they're similar, I think. But this is like a, well, there's teaching that goes along with it here. Sometimes in the real world, it's really just, you know, daunting. All right, shall we?

[45:28]