I vow to taste the truth of the Tatagatha's words. Good evening. Welcome to the first class of Aspects of Practice.

[01:08]

I liked what Ron said on Saturday about how each person has chosen a chapter that is evocative of their practice and aspiration. When I was asked to teach a class for aspects, I opened up the book and this is the chapter that actually appeared without me thumbing through. And it's called Supported from Within. And given my practice and my practice over the last few years or so, it feels like an appropriate chapter to study. When I was preparing my notes, I began thinking about my childhood. And I remember when I was quite young, about age eight or so, I was with my father at a drugstore, and there was an assembly of canes, walking canes, that caught my eye.

[02:24]

And I wanted one. I thought it would be kind of cool to have a cane, and they weren't particularly stylish as such, but there was something about them that intrigued me. And my father politely talked me out of this little fantasy or obsession that I had that evening about having a cane. And I hadn't really thought about that for many, many years. And sometime later, I thought about my father's hand on the seat of my bicycle when he was helping me learn how to ride a bike. And he was running alongside of me, holding his seat, and then of course he let go at a certain point, and then I was riding the bicycle by myself. So these are two early memories that I had of this external support or seeking support from the outside.

[03:26]

and needing it at that time in my life and then finding a way to tap into something that I've been working on for the past 20 years and be supported from within. I also thought about one of the admonishments of my first teacher in New York during Zazen. He said quite sternly more than once, don't look around during Zazen. We used to face the center in the Zendo there. This is not a museum and we're not a bunch of statues looking, you know, concentrate on your own practice. And that really struck a really deep resonance in me, not to look around. Of course I do look around and I think there's something about our practice to be aware of our environment and what our place is in our environment, but still fundamentally in order to find the inspiration, support and strength to continue is actually looking within.

[04:42]

So I will read from this chapter and comment on it. And if you have questions during the course of my commentary, please raise your hand or catch my attention. In our service, after reciting a sutra, we offer a prayer to dedicate the merit. According to Dogen Zenji, we are not seeking for help from outside because we are firmly protected from inside. That is our spirit. We are protected from inside always, incessantly, so we do not expect any help from outside. Actually, it is so. But when we recite the sutra, we say a prayer in the usual way. So for me, this sort of introduction to this piece of study that we're working on is Suzuki Roshi's encouragement for us to be humble and to let go of any attainment or gaining idea, gaining any kind of merit.

[06:01]

There's a certain strength that we can feel when we practice, when we chant, when we bow, and we can easily become kind of intoxicated by that. And in the echoes, which is what the Kokyo chants after a particular sutra, we transfer the merit or transmit the merit to all beings. So we don't hold on to it ourself. We make the effort to pass it on to other people. But actually, there's some residuals. There's something that remains in us, I think. I mean, I certainly feel it after leaving the Zen Dojo, and I think most of us here feel it. That's one reason why we continue to practice here, is that we, in fact, get something from this practice. But nevertheless, even though we get something from it, we still offer something out. And in that spirit, we're helping other beings In one of our dedications of merit we say, may the two wheels of the dharma wheel and the material wheel of the temple go smoothly and may the calamities which the country and temple may face, calamities like war, epidemic and famine, fire, water and wind be averted.

[07:25]

Although we say this, actually the spirit is different. We do not observe our way or recite our sutra to ask for help. That is not our spirit. When we recite the sutra, we create the feeling of non-duality, perfect calmness, and strong conviction in our practice. So the two wheels of practice, the dharma wheel and the material wheel, are symbolic of the wheel of oneness and the wheel of manyness. And as Sojourn Roshi has said often, when we put our hands together, we put the hand of oneness and the hands of manyness or multiplicity. to choose a duality together as one thing. So we're constantly practicing within the midst of oneness and duality. And if we stick too much to one side, then our practice is going to be imbalanced, somewhat like a cart going down the road.

[08:29]

If one of the wheels is not lubricated enough, it'll drag and the cart will not go straight. if you allow me to kind of stretch the metaphor a little further. So if we tend to stick, and my experience has been that when I, before coming to practice, I was, and I still tend to have a little bit of this in me, to be a little opinionated, a little sense of right and wrong in this sort of practice of, or practice this feeling of duality. And when I came into practice, I discovered there's actually a world of non-duality to live in and to course through, and a sense of beneath this surface of right and wrong, left and right in the world of the relative, which is very important, there's actually just what's going on, that there's sort of blending of everything together as one thing. the world of the horizontal, if you will. So typically we live in this life of vertical, but in practice there's this horizontal. And if you look at physically in our bodies, we have this horizontal plane of zazen, and then we sit upright vertically.

[09:37]

So these two come together, and the matrix is right here in the heart, in our breathing center, right like so. So, iconographically, if you look at images of Buddha or reflect on your own practice and sitting there, it actually all comes together as one thing. And my experience has been that when I forget, these two wheels, if you will, and this axle between them, connecting them, then I start spinning around. It's like, you know, it's like you see people in wheelchairs and they hold one wheel and they kind of turn the other to make their turns. That's what it feels like physically in my body if I get disoriented or lose my center. This sort of gyroscope or sort of steering system So it takes a lot of faith to continue practicing and actually not ask for help.

[10:42]

Suzuki Roshi says that's not the spirit of our practice, because if we are asking for help or seeking for help, then it becomes this gaining idea, which is a feeling of separateness from ourselves and others. And so how do we practice being fundamentally interrelated and interconnected with one another when we feel separate and wanting help? Ed? I just have two questions. It seems to me that asking for help is different than gaining something out of our practice. The concept of gaining something, it seems different to me. Asking for help, and we all ask for help. We do. And that's one thing. Okay.

[11:55]

The first question that you asked about the difference between asking for help and and gaining idea. Well, my experience has been when I felt a need to ask for help, either explicitly or sort of just in a very private way, there's been a feeling of disconnect from my life and feeling inadequate in some way. And the natural response was, well, I want to be adequate, I want to be fulfilled, and I want to be empowered and sort of connected to myself again. So that supplication or asking is, for me, has felt okay, and it's also very humbling that, oh gosh, I want to be supported from within, but I don't feel that support, so I'm searching outside of myself for that support. And what I've realized is that while I've had... explicit overtures from other people and from other organizations and systems to help support me when I felt unsupported.

[13:15]

Ultimately, what was the most supportive was zazen. That was the thing that was the unconditioned, that wasn't conditioned on any body or anything. And I would have this little mantra to myself, nobody can mess with my zazen. When I remember that and when I practice and get tuned into that, there is nothing gained because I realize that I'm not getting anything outside of myself. I'm just actually getting tuned into or enlightened to or opened up to what's intrinsically in all of us and what the Buddha taught. But if I lose sight of my intention and vow to wake up and to practice in that way, then we fall into that second part, which is this gaining idea and things outside of ourself. And I can't really comment on the merit thing.

[14:17]

I don't know about that. I know the feeling of doing something good or wholesome in helping other people. I know the feeling inside in my being, and I can feel the feeling from other people when I've had the opportunity to support or help them in some way. help and loving kindness expressed to other people feels consistent with what the Buddha's teaching. But the actual quality of merit, I can't really say much more. I can't say about that. I'm sure there's more. There's obviously more to be said about it. Yes, Alan. talking about it in these two paragraphs, he switches to talking about not seeking help.

[15:54]

And then, in the first one that you read, and then talking about maybe two wheels of the temple of Osho, and again, he's talking about we did not observe our way My understanding of the dedication of merit is that actually it's an offering. It's not a request. And I'm wondering, to your mind, I don't know if you've thought about this, it just seems like, what is he saying here? Because it seems like it's somewhat turned on its head. Am I making any sense? Yeah, you are. Let me know if this makes sense. Quite often Suzuki Goshi talks about no gaining idea.

[17:00]

So this seeking for help is looking outside of ourself. And that's one side of our life and practice. And whatever happens as a result of our practice is not seeking outside for help, but actually what is actually generated from the practice. And then this offering of merit, if you will, or transferring the merit, is a way of helping others. And so My sense of it is that if the Sangha, be it the Sangha of that little temple or the Sangha of society, is working harmoniously, we don't need to seek help because we're naturally, by our own goodwill, are extending whatever positive forces in ourselves and we're sharing them with others.

[18:02]

So there's no need to seek for help because it's all being provided to us. And he talks about this a little bit later with regard to his farming and the locals in his village supplying him with bringing food to the temple to help support him during the times after war. Does that address the question? Not exactly. I understand I mean, I so much think about the dedication of merit as offering rather than seeking. And I wonder why he's setting this as the context for it. Well, the words of that particular echo that he read are to avert the destruction of fire, water, and wind. He's talking about an echo where you're actually asking for help. You're saying, please, please protect our temple from

[19:07]

fire, water, and wind. So, I mean, I don't know, I know the other angels don't say that, but this one does. But things going on, even though those are what the words are saying, excuse me, Ron. That's okay, no. That's not what we, that's not our spirit that we're doing this with, we're saying these words with. That's the way it makes sense to me. Let's go on. Yeah, maybe it'll be a little clearer as we go on. No, no need to be sorry. Well, could I say something about merit? Yes. Well, wouldn't merit just be karma? If you do something which is beneficial or you think is beneficial, wouldn't that create unknown karma? Well, strictly speaking, karma, of course, means action. So if there's a sense of a self that is doing something, then, strictly speaking, that karma or that merit has karma attached to it.

[20:15]

Yeah. He talks about that a little bit later, too, which I might even get to before the end of the night. So at the end of this paragraph, when we recite the sutra, we create the feeling of non-duality, perfect calmness, and strong conviction in our practice. For me, that resounds to just a pure expression of our activity without a sense of self, whatever we happen to be doing. In our practice, a byproduct of our practice is samadhi. And samadhi is when the subject, which would be us, is directing our mind toward an object. And there's a purposeful sense of separation or an acknowledgement that I am separate from, say, this book.

[21:23]

And then I concentrate on the book and bring my awareness to the book and begin reading and studying. And that's a very dualistic way of looking at it, but it's a very real way of looking at it, the way we live our life. And this is being supported from without. So the outward sense of this very conscious sense of, I'm looking at this book, holding it up in a particular way with light and all that. So it's support, but it's a different kind of support than being supported from within. As we continue to practice, in this particular case, say, reading a book, there's a merging and a sense of non-duality and a sense of self and object become one thing and a piece, and then there's just the reading, there's just the bowing. there's just whatever we happen to be doing. And at that point of this non-duality, we're being supported from within and there's no inside or outside.

[22:26]

And that sense of non-duality or perfect calmness is an expression of our practice and it creates a stronger conviction in our practice, as he says here, and actually validates that there in fact is nothing to gain, nothing to get, that we're just doing and just being. And the ability to attain this state is a precondition for Zazen. We have to be able to tap into this state of non-duality and concentration in order for our Zazen really to get rooted and grounded. If that kind of feeling is always with us, we will be supported.

[23:30]

If we become involved in dualistic, selfish practice to support our building or organization or to support our personal life, there is not much feeling in our sitting or our chanting. When we have strong confidence in our way and do not expect anything, we can recite the Sutra with a deep, calm feeling. That is our actual practice. Dogen Zenji also says that we do not have any idea of dirty or pure, or any idea of calamity or disaster, but even so, we have the practice of cleaning the restrooms. Even though your face or mouth or body is clean, when you get up, you should wash your face and clean your mouth. If you think cleaning the restroom is dirty work, that is the wrong idea. The restroom is not dirty. Even though you don't clean it, it is clean, or more than clean. So we clean it as a practice, not because it is dirty. If you do it because it is dirty, then it is not our way. That's from a place of separation. Question?

[24:31]

Yes. I should give you a few more minutes. That's the end of the paragraph, so it's a good break. I cut right ahead, trying to get to the punchline of everybody's questions. And it's not, the answer's not there. But what I found were these examples, like this, you know, okay, you clean the restroom to clean the restroom. You don't clean the restroom everyday practice. And then, earlier on, it's like you say this echo about emerging destruction and disaster, but you just say the echo. And then, so early on you have that example, and then you have this restroom thing, and then later on he has growing the food in the gardens, and how that happened. And again, it's like, okay, all these activities that are supporting the temple in a very wholesome way, but if you're doing it to be wholesome and you're forgetting your zazen, then you're missing the point.

[25:50]

And yet I never hear him use examples like unwholesome examples, like playing go or other activities. He's always focusing on his hosting examples. So that's where I'm getting confused, curious about actually. Why is he using things that are really nurturing? Well, I think that's a good question. Why is he doing that? My hunch is that some of it is cultural, his background, his experience, and some of it is what he was experiencing in San Francisco in the early 60s and the lifestyles people were living. I think that we don't need reminders of unwholesomeness because that is a natural thing that we kind of go to. not to think so much about how good these things are. It's easy to think wholesome or unwholesome in too much of a way that gets in the way of actually just sitting and just doing what we do.

[27:03]

And if we remember that, then there's not like a particular standard by which everything has to be. So for instance, what is a clean bathroom? Right? And everybody has a different sense of that and a different standard for that and there's no real one way to say what is in fact clean. I think it's our orientation to it and what are we thinking about and if we're just kind of doing it or not. that his temple actually used to be close to the coast, and there was a big storm and tidal wave and all that, and it destroyed the temple many, many years ago, some centuries before, and it got moved up further up the hill. So I don't know if he was thinking about that when he was lecturing about the echo, but I can't help but think that there's some resonance there with

[28:05]

the reality of the natural wonders of the world and how they affect us, and to be conscious of that. Is that helpful? I hope. Everything you say. Yeah, well, thank you. That's helpful, thank you. Our belief is that if the Dharma wheel is turning, then the material wheel will be turning, too. If we are not supported by anyone, it means our Dharma wheel is not actually going. This is Dogen Zenji's understanding, and I have tested it, whether it is true or not, especially during the war, when I did not have much to eat. Most priests worked to earn some money to support themselves and their families. My belief was that if I observed the Buddhist way faithfully, people would support me.

[29:07]

If no one supported me, it would mean that Dogen's words were not true. So I never asked anyone to give me anything. I just observed the Buddhist way without working as a teacher or as a clerk in the town office. I raised some vegetables and sweet potatoes in my temple garden. That is why I know how to raise vegetables pretty well. I had a spacious garden in front of the temple, so I dug up the ground, took out all the stones, and put in manure. Some villagers came and helped me, and we grew vegetables, and we had a good crop. One day, my neighbor came to help me cook. When she opened the rice box, there was no rice at all. She was astounded, so she brought me some rice. It was only a little, but as she didn't have much rice, then But then my neighbor, which didn't have much rice, but then my neighbor and members of my temple collected rice. I had quite a few members. So I had quite a few lots. They had quite a lot of rice. When people found out that I had a lot of rice, they came to the temple.

[30:08]

So I gave my rice to them. The more I gave my rice to them, the more rice I was given. This sounds very much like Dogen, and it sounds very much like our teacher, Mel, that he lives a pretty simple, humble life, and he said more than once that he has faith in the practice and Dogen's teaching and has always been supported by that. And I think about I think about that. I think about being supported by the teaching and at the same time being conscious of the times that Suzuki Roshi was living and his career path in that particular system and the culture of Japan and the sharing and movement of food and money around. and during, in Mel's early days in the 50s and 60s, and the cost of living and all that, and how I think it was easier for people back then to have faith.

[31:14]

This isn't to undermine our teachers' faith in Dogen's teaching, but I think that we all each have to look at what do we need in fact, to live a life. How much money do we need to make in order to pay the bills to provide for our children and the various things that come on into our life? And that way, for me, the practice becomes that much more alive. It's not this this sort of stale thing, etched in stone, that we have to live a particular way like this. And if we're not, you know, giving away all our food and just kind of waiting or just and then hoping, praying, or just having faith that there'll be food coming to our into our cupboards will be making the practice actually alive and for us in this day. And that does take a lot of faith. I find inspiration from reading old sutras and poetry from old China and Japan, and there's a certain idyllic kind of life they seem to be living, and that's not

[32:33]

the life that most of us are living here so it's important for us to really see what our needs are and what our attachments are and to try to find the inspiration of that humble simple life that the Buddha taught and that has been expressed through the literature and stories that have come down to us and also what in fact is necessary for us, and there is no answer to that. I mean, everyone has their own needs that they need to look at and see. I see that we need to take a break, and we'll take five minutes and stretch, use the bathroom, or what have you. It's 8.15, so if you could sound a bell after five minutes, that'll be helpful. Thank you, Richard. So I was just chatting with Lois before she had to leave about that cane that I was enamored with at the store.

[33:38]

It seemed kind of obvious to me, but just to be explicit about it, I thought it was kind of a cool thing that I wanted as an attachment or something outside of myself to have. As I've sat, and especially with the concentration and emphasis on posture and sitting upright, in the kiyosaku that's used to kind of align oneself, once in a while a sojouroshi will come around with a stick and put it against your back and kind of line you up, that the cane, this external cane or stick is used as a support for the cane inside. And when we sit and we walk in Chashu, and our thumb is in front, the thumb is parallel to the back, and we're being supported from within, even though we have these external reminders. At that time, most people who lived in the city went to the farming families and exchanged whatever possessions they could for food, potatoes, rice, sweet potatoes, or pumpkin, but I had no such difficulty.

[35:07]

Most of the time, I had plenty of food, but I didn't feel so good eating something different from other people, so I tried to eat the same food as they did. Here at Tassajara, the food is wonderful, strong, and rich, in comparison to the food we had in wartime. So I've not had any complaint about the food. If we observe our way strictly, we will surely be protected by Buddha. We will trust people and we will trust Buddha." For me, this exudes the feeling that we should be grateful for what we have. And I lose sight of that from time to time. and wanting more, wanting something different, wanting something better. But actually, I live a very privileged life. And I think most of us here do. And it's important to remember that there's others that are less fortunate. When I went to Japan for a modest practice period with Sojin Roshi some years ago, we went begging in the town there with Hoitsu Suzuki, and people were giving, sangha members at their houses, we would knock on their door and they would look at us and give us maybe a little bit of money or a little bit of food, and they gave us bags of rice.

[36:32]

which we'd bring back to the temple. And one of these bags of rice broke and a few grains had spilled on the pavement. So if you can imagine the rough pavement of a street, which is dark, and then these little white grains of rice kind of stuck in between the little nodules of the asphalt there, Most of us would just say, oh, damn it, and then just kind of go on. But Hoitsu was actually in his robes, on his hands and knees, picking out the grains of rice off the ground and collecting them to bring it back to the temple. Now, in a sense, He didn't need to do that. There was certainly enough rice to feed. It's not wartime. There's plenty of food there. But it's the spirit that he was carrying from his father and generations back of just being grateful for what you've been given.

[37:37]

The song has given you something, and you don't waste anything. It's really something. I try to do that at work with my co-workers. We spill a lot of coffee on the floor, on the ground there, and every two beans that you see represents one person's hand pluck of a coffee cherry off the coffee tree. And there's thousands of beans that go into a pound of coffee and thousands of leaves that go into a pound of tea. And if you think about all those hand motions, it's pretty remarkable that we don't really have to do much but just boil some water and throw it over the ground and drink this beverage. And I think what makes it difficult to keep the coffee from hitting the ground is our disconnection from the source of where that comes from. So that's...

[38:42]

So how can we live closer to the earth and really get a true sense of where our resources are coming from and to have greater respect for them and hold them up to a standard that they deserve? Since the war, Japanese priests have started to wear Western suits, giving up their Buddhist robes unless they are performing a funeral or memorial service. I don't feel so good about that, so I always wear my robes. When I was coming to America, almost all the priests who were going abroad wore good suits and shiny shoes. They thought that in order to propagate Buddhism, they had to be like the American people, but their heads were not shiny.

[39:46]

Their hair was pretty long and well combed rather than shaved off. But even though they buy the best suits and the best shoes, Japanese or Japanese, they cannot be American people. And American people will find some fault in the way they wear their suits or shoes. That is one reason why I don't, why I didn't come to America in a suit. Well, I certainly think about that a lot. When I got into practice, I was totally captivated by all the Japanese forms and the Japanese clothes and all that. It was all this support from all the external symbols of practice that had been carried down that felt connected to this tradition, to this lineage, and it felt supportive to me. I like the intimacy of an evening talk versus Saturday. If it was a Saturday talk, I would probably wear my Japanese-style jacket with the wide sleeves.

[40:49]

It feels more consistent with what we try to put forward on Saturday. But here, it feels like people have been practicing here for a while, and that we actually are being supported from within, and we don't necessarily need the reminders. I'm not trying to give an excuse to my attire this evening, wearing my Pete sweatshirt. But one of the things that I do do at practice is I'm not wearing a ruckus suit, but I have an apron and I do put my hands and shashu behind the apron in between customers from time to time. And I do maintain an awareness of my breath and my posture, and I try to bring practice into the workspace. And I did, at one time in my life, want to become a priest. And I no longer do.

[41:49]

So my practice for the past years has been integrating our forms and practice into the world and bringing the world into our practice place. So I derive inspiration when I put on my robe and see robes on other people. And it also feels appropriate, in a way, to be wearing corduroys and socks and a sweatshirt here talking with you all. Because actually, for us, most of our life is spent without robes. And we find our support inside. And it's still very true that we find support from these external symbols of robes and incense and bells and all the things that we do here. So how do we maintain a respect for all these things?

[42:50]

Not being too casual, not being too formal. Another reason was that I was disappointed with priests who changed their robes into suits to support themselves when Dogen said we are firmly protected from within. That is our spirit. When we say we pray that the Dharma wheel and the material wheel go smoothly forever, this kind of ceremony is a way to repay the benevolence of the Buddhas and arhats. Buddhas and arhats are people who supported themselves by depending only on their practice. If we pay full respect to the arhats by practicing with the same spirit they did, we will also be protected. One of the things that caught me in reading this chapter is the, and I don't read Japanese, so I don't know how Ed Brown was sort of describing these lectures, the switching back and forth between protected and supported.

[43:59]

It seems like they're being used somewhat synonymously, but there's a different feeling. When we say that we're protected from within, then there's a feeling of armor, that there's something that we're protecting ourselves from something. And yet in our practice, we talk about peeling the layers of the onion away or stripping off the armor and being upright and taking away this protection and being vulnerable. And within that vulnerability and peeling away and dropping the so-called protection, we become supported. So I don't have a... and answer, but I just find it very interesting and curious that protection and support are used interchangeably, but there's a very different feeling between them, and I think there's a relationship between how we protect ourselves and feel protected or safe, and then how we support ourselves and feel supported and encouraged.

[45:14]

Dogen says, if we do not practice our way with everyone, with all sentient beings, with everything in the world on the cosmic stage, that is not the Buddhist way. The spirit of Zazen practice should always be with us, especially when we recite sutras or observe ceremonies. It is not a dualistic or selfish spirit, but is calm and deep with firm conviction. When we practice in that way, we are always one with the whole Buddha world, where there is no karmic activity and our everyday life will be protected by the kind of power which pervades everywhere. What is going on in the world of Buddha is just Buddha activity. There is nothing but Buddha activity in the realm of the Dharma world. In that way, we do not create any karma. We are beyond the karmic world. With this spirit and this understanding, we observe our way. I think this addresses Ron's question about creating karma and merit.

[46:29]

When we practice in that way, we are always one with the whole Buddha world, where there is no karmic activity, and our everyday life will be protected by the kind of power which pervades everywhere. What is going on in the world of Buddha is just Buddha activity. There is nothing but Buddha activity in the realm of the Dharma world. In that way, we do not create any karma. We are beyond the karmic world. With this spirit and this understanding, we observe our way. I remember some years ago going through a very difficult time and coming into the zendo on a night where nothing was scheduled to be happening, and I went over to light the candle over at Suzuki Roshi's altar, and I sat where Greg is sitting for a while to try to find some peace of mind.

[47:37]

I was reminded of Sojiro Moshi's encouragement to sit together and not sit alone. At the Zendo, we have scheduled times to sit, and yet it was really compelling to come to our sanctuary here to sit and to find a ground of peace and not to get knocked off the cushion, so to speak. I don't know if it was helpful or not. But I did it anyway, and it seemed okay at the time to do that. Another time during that same period in my life, I remember I was a Fukudo hitting the Mikugyo, and my mind was just really kind of all over the place. And the only thing, and this was kind of when I was coming around to the place of a little bit more equanimity, and I wasn't so kind of disconnected, and I was sort of healing, for lack of a better word, from a lot of difficulty.

[48:54]

And all I could do was just hit the Mokugyo. And I remember the bowing mat sits on this tatami here with these little circles, and I was hitting the mokugyo and kind of counting the circles of going up toward the altar. One, two, three, like that, just to try to maintain my concentration. This certainly is an example of looking from outside of oneself for some kind of support or some kind of connection and stability. And at the same time, in the process of doing that, there was a feeling of connection and calmness and stability. So when I sit now, or when I'm the Fukudo now, I don't necessarily have to focus on the circles of the mat there to kind of keep my concentration, but there's a... It feels like an old friend, an old friend that I returned to, the Mukugyo and the mat and sitting Zazen.

[50:17]

from that time. And often people say when they've come to Zen practice, it's like returning home. And that's what it feels like. So strictly speaking, when we sit zazen, we're not creating any karma. So we don't need any support, because there's no problem, we're just manifesting Buddha.

[51:25]

It feels like throughout the chapters, the Kiyoshi is encouraging us to return to that still place and find support from within. And yet we have to get off the cushion when the bell rings. And Typically, off the cushion is where we find discouragement and encouragement. If we are too involved in the idea of time or taking care of the material world, we will lose our way.

[52:57]

A priest will not be a priest when they are completely involved in dualistic practice, involved in a busy life in the busy mundane world. then there are no more priests. Even though priests are there, they are not practicing the priest's way. So Buddhists should be Buddhists completely. When a Buddhist really becomes a Buddhist, they will be supported as a Buddhist. Thank you very much. So what is being a Buddhist completely? Does anybody know?

[54:07]

Colleen? So Buddhists should be Buddhists completely. When a Buddhist really becomes a Buddhist, they will be supported as a Buddhist. So which comes first, the support or the experience of being supported?

[55:15]

That's a really good question. Anne? I think in part you have to, before you can be supported, you have to allow yourself to be supported. You have to be open to the idea of being supported by the world. And that does require And maybe it is a self-reinforcing or reinforcing mechanism, but I think, at least from my own experience, that the trust has to kind of come first, and then it can be validated. If you don't believe that the world will support you, you won't open yourself to the support that the world can offer.

[56:21]

Yeah, that's a good point. I think we come in this world trusting, and then things happen to us and then we become a little untrusting. And given our so-called good karma of family and career and whatnot. As things unfold, we develop more confidence and trust in ourselves and feel support, or we become skeptical and doubtful, and it becomes very difficult to trust. And we can feel that, and other people can feel that. It sounds rather simple, but it's my life.

[57:41]

Where I work, there's a pretty high turnover of staff. And I get to see myself when I began working there with new people as they come in. And I can see and feel their lack of trust and lack of confidence in their ability to do the job. So even though the job is pretty simple, it's daunting. And it's really a wonderful thing to actually see a person grow and fill the space there and do the job of whatever they happen to be doing there. And you can see as that trust comes, a certain confidence comes and then the training wheels are abandoned and the canes and all the scaffolding. And then they're just kind of doing the job. Um,

[58:46]

I think what Suzuki Koshi is saying about being a Buddhist and being seen as a Buddhist is... that it goes beyond whether we have a bunch of money in the bank or we have the sort of standard representations of success, which is another challenge that we have practicing in this country. One of my kind of obstacles was getting beyond what my parents were expecting of me as a privileged middle class kid growing up in America and going to school and doing the sort of straight job career thing. But I had faith that sitting was what I wanted to do. And I didn't care too much about the other stuff. I won't go as far as to say that I will be supported as a Buddhist because that would be a stretch because I have to be out in the world working as we all do.

[60:08]

But something does shift for the laity that is American Zen practice, which is we find the support within us from breath and posture, no matter what we do. And the first machine I sat, it just felt right, and that's where I went. And I've struggled a lot over the years and have had the good fortune to be helped by many people along the way. I recently reconnected with the head monk at the Zen Center in New York, where I started practicing, who was very supportive to me and saw this young boy coming into practice and kind of being overwhelmed by what was going on there.

[61:14]

And I hadn't heard from him for many, many, many years. We had lost contact. So by good fortune, I got his email address, and we've reconnected and had a couple exchanges. And he sounds very familiar. It sounds like a very familiar kind of Dharma brother relationship, even though he's older than me and he's been practicing for a gazillion years. But then I was reflecting on how old he was when he was there at Zen Center New York when I started practicing. And he was actually younger than I am now. And that really surprised me. Because when I was starting to practice, I thought, wow, here's this guy. And he's very smart. He's very funny. He's very grounded.

[62:17]

I wanted to be like him when I grew up, when I graduated from Zen school. I wanted to be like him. And he married a woman there that was equally supportive to me. She hadn't been practicing as long as him, but she was a lay practitioner. And the two of them were a nice match. And I saw, and they split, and it's been very painful for him. But I wrote to him and I said, you know, Lynn was extremely supportive to me in reaching out and helping me, including me in the practice, because I was very shy and retiring and not so connecting to people. And you were really supportive of me in the kind of, in the dharmic sense with the study and helping me to understand these really thick concepts of Buddhism.

[63:22]

And having sat for a while and admittedly kind of reached a kind of a plateau or kind of a flat place where it's not as sort of exciting in the sort of old sense of the word of all this kind of the novelty and the excitement of practice, I realized that what I gained from those people who had been practicing before me, that they might also have been at that place, and they were supporting me coming into Zen Center. And when I get discouraged and feel not so supported from within, I'm reminded of this saying, I think it's a tribute to Copponcino, when someone asked him, you know, I'm not feeling so encouraged. And Copponcino sensei said, well, go encourage somebody else.

[64:31]

reflecting on what my friends were going through back then in New York, it was pretty hard. And yet they still had the ability to support and encourage me and other people. And I think pretty much everyone here, in fact, I would say everyone here has been here enough to feel the support of the practice and turning the light outward and to transfer the merit and pass it on. And we know when we when we leave here that there's a feeling of support and encouragement and getting something. But not in the material sense because it's not quantifiable. But there is something that is gotten here.

[65:39]

But we don't talk about that so much because we don't want people to have gaining ideas. But something happens. We have about eight minutes or so left. Richard? The last paragraph, he talks about priests, and how priests have a priest practice. Most of us are lay people, and it seems like it's very natural, I think you said earlier, So it strikes me that the kind of support from within that we as laypeople have is kind of different from the idea of getting food and other resources from the sangha.

[67:02]

It's something else. It's a different kind of support from within that comes from zazen. This is what I'm thinking. And that the basic idea of who it is I am Just say again, the basic idea of who you are comes from inside me, rather than from outside me. So my support of my identity is internal. It's not that he's a Zen priest.

[68:17]

It's just that he knows who he is and he doesn't have to go somewhere else to get whatever it is that he needs to have. He needs having. Yeah, I think that last bit there is it. Sojin often quotes that line, when Suzuki Roshi's, when you are you, Zen is Zen. And when you were talking earlier, I was thinking about who Suzuki Roshi was and his life as a priest for decades and decades and how You can't undo that. We can't undo who we've been all these years and whatever the cultural conditioning and the religious conditioning and the livelihood conditioning is. We are that, but there's something deeper than that, and that's where, as Buddhists, those expressions come forth. And it isn't so important

[69:20]

whether we're lay ordained or priest ordained or not ordained, it's just the importance of practice. But I'm reminded of my parents' reminders of me, of my Jewish heritage, and I can't undo that. And one could say, well, am I Jewish? Well, maybe I am. What is being Jewish? What is being Buddhist? The unique thing about Buddhism in America is that Actually, it's not quite priest, it's not quite lay. So I think of it as that we're all actually priests practicing.

[70:24]

Because the sincerity with which we practice is really unusual because the average person, so-called out there in the world, is not doing religion in the way that we're doing religion. The way we're doing it is kind of reserved for priests and rabbis and, you know, professionals, so to speak. So it's really, it's this hybrid that's really rather unique. And it's nice having priests because that form and tradition ties to something very old that has been carried through for all these generations. So it's important to have that. Mark? In what sense do you think, if it's not a stretch, to what you've been saying.

[71:32]

Is there a sense in which that... Well, it's funny you should mention that, because I was looking at the cover of Suzuki Roshi looking at me, and not always so, and thinking that. That my take on what he's saying is just my take on it. And as we say in the shuso ceremony at the end, may you wash out your ears in the pure sound of the Dharma. I apologize for polluting you points of view. So that's the disclaimer that what's being said is not always so. And at the same time, I feel some conviction, a good deal of conviction that what I'm saying is true, is true for me.

[72:34]

And Suzuki Roshi's expression was true for him. And who knows if we were able to go back in time to Suzuki Roshi practicing with his teacher and what was absorbed and expressed through him that was a little different, that his teacher might say, well, not always so. It's not quite right, but if it works for you, then go with that. Each generation, each person, it changes a little bit. And then not always so, for me, is a way of giving pause to what we say and what we do as a way of being careful. And not just, I'm just gonna do what I want, or I'm just gonna say what I want. that there may be times, cause, and conditions in a given moment where it might not be so.

[73:37]

And what's really important for me and for all of us is to be open to that. Someone saying, you know, that's not always so, and let's talk about that. So there's not always so, which is an expression of the fundamental thing that things change. Maybe that's enough. Not always so is just the expression of the fundamental thing that things change. That's also the subject of the talk next week. Very good. Thank you. You're welcome. See you next week, if not earlier.

[74:42]

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