Not Always So

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good morning everyone has present center today speaker is a motorcade route on cairo
lol jk translates as such this field and blessings
but decade is originally from chile and he began practicing than in paris and then came to berkeley and has been earth is essential for forty years now
i think a is a psycho analyst and has a published book on then and psychology separately and i think if out if you read me the to i believe
well maybe share over the time we got over your to present is a lady findings in full coverage
he was a on
a their his ambition mental health ambitious san francisco from the latino community for thirty years and have had a long time a private practice which can used you are
support him and his what others see for himself
nk was ordained by soldier but actually anything from translation of a year ago and whenever i see the teacher feeling at the vc please welcome back it
thank you russ very much
i'm i'm not gonna speak about those things that are grass manager vanessa
today i i want to read some excerpts from sookie russia's a compilation of a lectures by at brown
ha lectures of security in the book is called not always so i think you're familiar with it ah
so
a
so add ground with one of the old timers priests set up
ah
at san francisco zen center and you c c generation is yours received a is ed brown same generations as you and rebels is here
your package and yeah okay
ah
and so not always so as the title that he gave to the book is also a section of the book and is also the name of a facile and so i'm gonna be reading from the farcical
but there are few things that at brown or he saw ordination nation name i'm going to use his first name is gibson
tucson
ah
he rarely uses it but i will use it this time it's mentioned in the book
and in the entered production he selects a few things that he said he heard over and over again from kazuki russia
which are also mentioned in the fascicle but i'd want to start out by saying if he thinks about that and one of the things that he says is that ah
suzuki roshi ah always emphasized that the teaching is just for you
and of course that's not an egotistical you that's an intimate are you so will partake a from the teaching in a very personal and intimate way
he also used to say big mine is always with you
and on your side
ah
so that was one one teaching the other one is
says he caught a superior she says they tell you something you will stick to it and limit your understanding
ah
so he's as keep finding out
don't stick to what you already know
not that knowing is not important it's just that we don't stick to it
that's beginner's mind
ah
and he says sir
keep finding out don't stick to what you already know and you will have joyful and grateful practice that's the spirit of our practice joyful am grateful
ah so we we seek for wisdom or wisdom we say wisdom six wisdom yeah we also have to let go of wisdom
to have to wisdom we happily go with
we don't keep stick to wisdom try the top
we don't practice memorization
of the sutras for example but we study the sutures that even though you don't hear so much about them in san although the zen teachings always reference the my and interests but they're not studied that much
but they're always referenced in same stories and we don't have the practice of memorization like the old a monk's they would memorize or
the long sutras so we let go of a
will i go of any particular idea that we may have
even then mind beginner's and week it's also conceivable that one could stick to that as well
ah
so will i go with the wisdom and wisdom is right there
without having any particular idea then the right
the right understanding will emerge in the situation
for you on your side
even though on your side doesn't always feel so good
who goes wisdom sometimes ah is a correction
so we have to be able to hear that correction do you understanding in the situation
another one that he says jews and that a common faces superior she was to say that the most important thing
it is to be able to enjoy your life without being fooled by things
because we're always being fooled by our or fantasies in our perceptions
and they believe that we think that we develop our fantasies and perceptions and they fool us and interfere again ah and then we're surprised when things don't seem to work out the way that we thought they were going to
so were fooled by fantasies thinking and perception but it's not like you in eliminate them
we just have you're not fooled by them so we practice not to be fooled by them rather than to you can eliminate perception and the perception is always shot through with our own
ah nature

ah
okay so
classical not always so
i'm gonna read from it
in buddhist scripture
general description scripture we know exactly where
i'm a scholar would have to put which scriptures being reference but since this is not strictly scholarship
ah we can cite without citing
in buddhist scripture there's a famous passage that explains that water is not just water
for human beings water is water but for celestial beings it is a jewel
for fish is their home
and for people in hell are hungry for people in hell or for hungry ghosts his blood or maybe fire
if they wanted to drink it water changes into fire and they can drink it and the same water looks very different to various beings
most people think that water is water is the right understanding
and that it should not be a home or a jewel
blood or fire
what should be water but dogan send she says even though you say water is water it is not quite right
when we practice in we may think this is the right practice and we will attain something
a correct and perfect
so this idea of practicing and attaining something a correct and perfect
but if u s dodger dog and century he may say new not quite right
ah this point is a good corn for you to study
so it's like the vr
the incomplete teaching is the teaching that sticks to with thanks perfection being correct being right by practice so on and so forth doing things right
but that itself can become a hindrance
so the the complete a teaching
goes beyond this question of correct or incorrect
right or wrong perfect or imperfect
when we say water is water
we understand things are materially we say that water is age to go
the chemical compounds if it's done analyzing the components of matter that's not that's not what he means by water is water
ah
ah
yeah yes you can hear
difference a real scary
right now

yes now is that better
ah
i don't hear it do you hear it

there we go
ah
well
yeah
ah
so i started a water water as well is not a material condition it's also not something spiritual those beyond material and spiritual spiritual would be this corrected perfect a dogma sort of like the dharma rain or the water of the gospel
you know that satiate the thirst of the of the spirit over the body mind so that would be a spiritual butter what is above what is below as the genesis it but if the waters waters beyond that beyond
a spiritual metaphor of water or beyond the material description of what
so what is that

complaining
he mocked sadness
ah
he says we say that water is age to all but under some conditions h two o may maybe ice or missed
or it may be vapor or a human body
it is only under some circumstances
for convenience we may tentatively say that water is water
but we should appreciate water in it's true sense water is more than just water so this is it not always so what is water
something material not only saw something spiritual not always so
ah
not wrong but not quite right that's er is ook she following dogan
by the way you know this this book suffered a water accident
so this book is water
to her water is this book or
i had it on the countertop in the kitchen and then add a little water accident so i got the book
ah
when when we just sit in meditation we include everything there's nothing else nothing but you that is she can dasa we become completely ourselves we have everything and we are fully
satisfied
we just sitting ah
a comfortably at ease without distractions
to be that
not being distracted by all the worries in a stories you know that are going through our head
ah sometimes they seem interesting sometimes kind of boring really repetitious for those kind of a nice release or to just breathe

there's nothing to attain so we have a sense of gratitude or joyful mind
i think i understand why you practices and most are you are seeking something
in the secrets spiritual seekers
ah you seek what is true and real because you have heard so many things that you cannot believe in
so now he's talking to is that the sixty isa generations you know who were disappointed
with society and with your parents
ah
so he says you're not even seeking or for what is beautiful
because you have found that something which looks beautiful may not actually be beautiful
it is a superficial nearly sort of the the critique of the suggestion
it is just the surface of something or just a an ornament
the surface appearance i used the question of not always saw how it relates to the question of perception and reality
ah you're also aware of how people can be hypocritical
i remember you know i was so mad at my parents you know when i was a teenager but maybe
sixteen seventeen no eighteen maybe an end up
i was are
i wouldn't know i was eighteen or nineteen i wasn't living at home but we came to for launched a with my girlfriend to my parents' home and see all of sudden started feeling really bad and needed to lie down and so i just had a lie down in my parents' bed and was a big bang
sly on that side you know and she fell asleep and then i lied on the other side with with clothes and everything and i fell asleep and then a ah
then this lady who is working there that day she came open the door and yeah scandal scandal you know
so she told my parents and my parents came in knowing boy you can get i'll be doing you know sexual things you know in our home and are bed you know with with your girlfriend yeah
so that was like not even worth arguing about i tried to explain myself but they they wouldn't have it they didn't understand was just that you know she was tired him so they were kind of deceived by appearances
so i let it at that
but that sort of the the hypocrisy hypocrisy sexual hypocrisy that we are i think the sixties seventies generation was questioning
many people who appear to be virtuous don't convey real gratitude for a joyful mine so you don't trust them
who is kind of he has a good understanding of his students and of the cultural differences despite coming being you know in a ah
that an old man is a roshi but is is a mature man a traditional man from a traditional society yet he seems to have such a good understanding of some of the
ah conflicts of young people in a modern society
oh you don't know whom to trust a what teaching to believe in
you believe in religion you don't believe in religion you believe in science you know believe in science you believe in a in judaism and christianity are you believe in in buddhism you know
that's a conflict with the parents too because you know you were raised jewish or you were raised christian and now you're abandoning the faith

and this this came to haunt me when my mother died a year ago my mother was always very supportive of which had an interested in buddhism
and buddhist art but
my sister has two years older than me and her brother in law
they wouldn't let the the at first tried to they wouldn't let me be part of the of the last rites
because you know where chilean ninety percent catholic
society but it's sort of that it's sort of like people who are religious but a release that are religious or secular but if they gonna have any religion they're gonna have it the old time religion the old fashioned way sort of like it always raley's when they come to america
even though they were really anti they've been paid the hasidim and the religious in israel when they come to america than the only religion judaism that they wanted the orthodox kind
sort of like something like that
ah and and they chose a an episcopalian priest
and they didn't know what was going on yeah
ah
because you know the physical barriers are the most liked the catholic church but without some nice things that it will be a that the catholic church could get rid of
but allow the originally similar
but you know if you go to the website of the
of the pixabay and church that all we're we're an open mind and christianity and we accept everybody in jews and buddhists and muslims and ah he had i'm sort of like that so the priest didn't understand you know they finally the way my mother man
stipulates the situation so that my sister who is her was responsible for her legally ah but without would allow me in the last rites
was you started speaking in french
and only her and i know french
ah so she wouldn't speak another language you know and so that they had to bring me in as a translator
the
and then the episcopalian priest or offered me the host you know and said so it was a question not whether he was gonna reject me or or i was gonna reject him you know is it like you have no interest in the the in the hosts
ah view you as a sign of a rejection of christianity you want or take a holy communion or is it that you're you're not good enough as a carefully to the surf
didn't given the communion there was a kind of ambiguity was very interesting
but it turned out okay the last right ceremony when
very nice but
well
i did take the host yeah yeah i did take it
but but he says are you don't know whom to trust her what teaching to believe so you come here looking for something i cannot give you what you are seeking because i myself don't believe in any particular thing
so that's just a very radical reassuring a teaching
of course it's not that he doesn't believe in any thinkers dogan also says that right belief is is the
one with buddha but
he started on something else but so obviously suzuki roshi
gave us a lot of teaching but
but his attitude it doesn't believe in any particular thing
so is is that kind of letting go of wisdom not holding on to wisdom and then when you do that than wisdom is right there but it's a fresh
wisdom springing from the source i suppose to some rehashed information
ah
i don't say that waters water or that waters a jewel or a house fire a blood
a though in send you said water more than that we may want to stick to righteousness beauty truth a virtue
but it's not wise to seek for something like that so it's not wise to seek for righteousness and that's that sounds like counter the prophetic tradition and in in judaism were you supposed to see for righteousness
but the problem is that then that that the near enemy of seeing for righteousness and justice is that it ends up
with near enemy which is self righteousness and egotistical or altruism

ah
this is there's something more to this again there's something more he keeps saying there's something more water is more there's always what is this more
not always so because always more
many says i have noticed that you'd like to travel
today alaskan the next day india
the next day to bed
you're seeking for something
whether it is a fire a jewel or something else
when you when you realize it is not always so you cannot believe in those things anymore
i at some point you just drop the
the search
as because they said ah i don't i don't seek i find

on
and we don't go around looking you know for for for the doorman that the dusty what isn't the does does the rounds of other lands or something like that
by going to indiana
or japan
ah so we find it right here
ah
under her nose
ah
i remember a sojourner she took to tell me early in a practice you know he said right right there were or where you are
right now
that's it
ah that's the
i don't have i can't quote exactly another one and the store when he said that
or something like
well you you you think you're going to find your happiness and practice you know and then well i don't know about practice those problems and then you're seeking something else or some other teaching or marriage or you know whatever it may be
but then you realize that where you were already you that that that was the place already
so there's nowhere else to go
to find this

to seek for a great teaching like buddhism is to seek for something good
whatever you find you will be like a sightseer
even though you don't travel in you in your car spiritually your sightseeing ah what a beautiful teaching
this is a really true teaching people often say you always get worried when people come and sit oh man i've found home and you know this is this is set for me you know this is you know like total certainty as they all know
bye bye
because eventually you know they're gonna get disappointed and leave you don't speak their way the disappointment is around the corner
ha
even though it's true too
yeah
i'm
so he says oh what a beautiful teaching this is really true teaching to be a sightseeing sightseers one of the dangers of st practice
be careful
to be captivated by the teaching doesn't help at all
don't be fooled by things he is the don't be fooled by things where there is something beautiful or something that looks true this is just playing games
you should just you should trust buddha trust the dharma trust the sangha in is true sense
that
so
real freedom is do not feel limited when wearing this sen rob this troublesome for more robe
ah
similarly in our busy life we should wear this civilization without being bothered by it
it's like wearing the civilization you wearing the culture on on your clothing
ah
did you wear it without ignore it without being caught by it without going anywhere without escaping it we can find composure in this busy life
so actually the of rogues feel i says all these troublesome for know robot cell phone more you know i think we all have a and the rogue represents tradition
an unbroken tradition even though we had we use though the japanese kimonos
ah underneath the the okay sir
and kimonos
a road that do not exactly robes they've used for different things in japan too
ah
but are so we wonder what you know what is this robe
or do we like robes we don't like robes one aware them don't want to wear them ah
and ah so that's the troublesome a formal robe and yet once you you you were in let go of some of the
you know them
thing you can even idealized the robbie thing you know like idealizing a civilization or culture or you can devalue it but in fact when you were as the it's neither of those things you just feel free

he was even though it's cumbersome yeah forties long sleeves that could get in the way with so many different things but somehow they don't
ah
dogan century says to be like a boatman although he's carried by the boat he's also handling the boat that is how we live in this world even though you understand how to live in this world like a boatman that the start
mean you're able to do it it is very difficult
so it's very difficult to be a book a boatman usually surfing is the is easy to see that metaphor you know of are being carried being carried by the the wave i don't i don't surf but it's a nice a metaphor of how we practice with the
mine waves in zazen
he knows like the currently thinking is happening rights are the wave is the wave is coming
and at the same time
we ride the wave and
but also let it recede
for the way it comes
and then it goes away and so riding the waving bite at that point where it's like leading and following were following the wave and yet we're also leading it were following are thinking and we leading or thinking
so that's a metaphor the boatmen are we running out of timers
it's eleven while
ah this is this assure you know there only like three pages but
yes they they are they there's a little so kind of a little that holds a great is like him you know the little guy who holds a great
ah
so yes opening a for questions i'll come a or anything you would like to say it
traveling
singing

that
yeah
with it
china
thank year
that exam
our whole france
sample
yeah that's a good point yeah well i'm from chile and so i came by the way from
from the south to the north
i'm
i mean one is if you're looking for the practice
but once you find it when you have the practice
so then do you keep looking for other practices in our for something else afterwards that seems that two different meanings
i remember that there was a
in santiago was actually three degrees south is the capital of chile in the middle of the country it's a long narrow country
it's thirty degrees south of the equator and san francisco is thirty degrees north of the equator so the geography is very similar actually
but ah
always so it's it's as question of your what what is the what is your original land you know
the forest it's like a ah
going back to your native land and quietly getting settled or something like that but which one is your native land is it the land of your birth is like which one is your real name your your birth name or your ordination name

but somehow i had to come here to find something that was already there
but over there i hadn't realized it
so i had to come here to realize
ah what's here was there
yes
so isn't that affirmation of your whole talk not always gone
i don't have to travel to china
ah
right so it's like appearance and reality like it appears that it's not there
so ah he has to go there to bring it back here but it was already there are so
sergeant would you like to say something about that

i think
see you can add something
you can add
he thought about them for the great things in your basket and it's the to your question
got here
thinking this is the way
we go over into wiki
you just be the people your presence
it
he said instead of finally get something
he just one thing
and still see that basically is it just do one thing
the to either the stupid
in theory and you can't have something you can't no matter how much you could invest it
you can definitely he had bottle to the tree
country is the tree
chile has its own good
and even decorate
jay-z the tree
we and seven
well
that's the anything you can't have
feel free to stay with her
the reality is that i'm trying to create something
you can put stuff in you've asked if looks good
the unknown
not wisdom
right but wisdom or is also i mean you could say the collins or wisdom by the sutras or wisdom the not information but you also have to let go of the collins and such as kenya that he didn't hold onto it nice ethical with number of wisdom
well yes
right right
so it's not just letting go of information or or knowledge right
is this one reminds me of here what is the nature of the students always digging of the student and so as divvying of the seeker is kind of the question has come up and we wander around the travel by seeking but when we have that moment where we actually become a seeker
we actually receive are able to receive something and so all the you and a harley may actually heal someday but it's not by the physical movement is by the becoming the seeker in the moment every receiving something in the moment and then
yes but just two quick response to the wanna see i so we the other can't give us our being we want we looking for another to give us are being but are being cannot be given by the other only emerges
from within although in relationship to another's like the teacher student relationship as well
but
and the other well as the other point about
seeking
oh that when you travel like for example an ordinary travel because you you live in your area and there's a kind of routine that you have and the routine kind of becomes rooting rooting rooting harry
and when you travel your kind of are temporarily you break that routine so the world feels new and fresh but once you've been there for some time it's the same thing it becomes routine area again and then you have to go somewhere else to recover the freshness right
so instead we focus just on the routine how to turn our route routine airy life into the life of of practice and so the whatever we doing as a fresh new feeling
well like a header canada
okay margaret
you are
you
china
i

isn't there are some things
right but the ourself is not the small self i saw it's the big self that includes if everybody and everything i so but so when dog in ah studies with teacher is teacher helps him awaken to
something that is in him
that's the key point because if if his being didn't resonate with what with the teachers being than that awakening wouldn't happen
so it has to it the the ground is the ground of being of each one of us
from where we wake up and from where we live
that yeah
well
friends
ah his ear
do you know
know
he's for ocean ah

some guy named kinda right yeah i think it's the last name is spelled k a i n e i kindly
jewson kindly
one
home
yeah the other thing i remember about jogging going to china is was really affected me a lot was though is his meeting
kirk and had cooked his hands wedding and him working over these mushrooms and
and
dogan saying to why
you know why do you work like this year old monkey should be you know doing talks in that and he really enlightens the dog and so his travel is
i don't know what was it necessary
he might know
he went with them going to experience that in japan right because he had this idea you know he was an aristocrat logan was an aristocrat right so he had this idea of of there being a higher to key between different types of labor
so that you know study in and sitting is of one category and working and in the kitchen you know or are telling her ground or something is is of a different category and so maybe somebody was young should do this but somebody insults should be doing
that
and so the the monk kind of broke his his dualistic way of looking at at at the activities that we do which is something that we all go through
where all go through that same realization in practice when we have to kind of we rethink of how we think of of kitchen work for example as something different then doesn't practice when it isn't
that that that was the way the dogan got that but then it's been transmitted to us and then we all go through that same process of discovery
yes
you shouldn't think
he said
generally something to think in the same thing
i haven't said you have to travel find out the thing
just and then we just travel
glasgow
i a questioned about and sometimes with travel by not going anywhere just sitting in your seat you travel
rome right you don't know what you are but you are traveling
traveling through space
so when you just videography of time i think
the found of practice of irritation ah paying attention to it and it shifts not always so yeah really
i'm here take their
ah
okay
she heard something right i hear
yeah yeah so wanna go
it was good to to realize how he would what the under what conditions the way i get cranky
you know and not to age into a crankiness habitual habitual crankiness according to certain conditions so not to be condition that way so we know like one of the ways i get cranky when i'm tired
it's been a long day and then everything bothers me any little resistance that the seat or the radio or anything puts up then i don't have any more flexibility and then you can break
time for my nap yes
no but i am now i anticipate i know that i'm gonna get cranky when i'm tired so do do do i wanna be angry at my car at other people you know
you don't actually thinks it my surrounding that actually helped me quite a bit you know i just lose sight of than just get cranky
so i anticipate that are one of the things i'm practicing now is is a they are practicing with a cranky and irritable mind
cranky buddha yes
okay ross