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see

traditional
she said
look out

no recipe doesn't mean no food ff ff ff
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i thank you again
i'm this is amazing
i'm thank you for being here
i think i'm as for us was alluding to i think this is my first talk at the birth is and center since nineteen seventy anything was three am and do i way but maybe i've given a talk here before i don't know you think so
okay
it was forget about fifty fifty
if if if if
i'm anyway and the berkeley sense in her feels very precious a tender sweet
so i'm thank you all for your goods hearts good spirit and practice here and the grounds and
you know the course is a great time on the lilies and a friend or organiser as tall as i am i've never seen that lives like that so something is happening near the specifics
it's pretty nice
so am i appreciate very much a having the opportunity to sit in the midst of it and was alligator thank you

i so am i usually plan my talks in meticulous detail today i've neglected to do that but you know i talk for a while you know about something and we'll see what happens in go from there is kind of like no recipe the specific
but i do have a place to start i i know the story i want to tell you have to start with and then see what
occurs in order to talk about next if anything
i'm so
i was at the first of practice rated tessera
ah in nineteen sixty seven it was a started on with dedicated to as a heard for beggar russia's in a wish on july the fourth cir tessa her actually has the same birthday as the country so we know when you celebrate independence day it's also the verge
as a holiday
about that and then he was terribly hot
and then
we rose sweating in our robes
i often think oh no i don't need a sweat lodge practice i've done enough that it does a her with all these robes and things
we could talk more about that but i want 'em anyway we'd been having meals outside and picnic tables and benches and then we had our first meals in the zendo which was a temporary center
it was what's now the tas or dining room for guess and then we were working on the other center to get it ready to be a which is now burned down in as the student area
that
so we had our first meals and for breakfast for used to have hot cereal and a fruit or nuts or in a yogurt or something i'm probably pretty similar today and with it we were when we sat outside we were used to have milk and sometimes even half and half and then
some people said well we like can milk why don't we get to have that
so okay we have canned milk after all this is america have it your way you know what would you want to watch when you want to watch it
i mean even before this advertising slogans came out this is america and you should be able to have things your way because that's what freedom is and that's what haven't been a consumer culture is enough so
and then we had white sugar and because many people don't want white sugar because it's
white and then other people wanted brown sugar and then of course some people didn't want either kind of sugar they wanted honey and then there was the paper said well
we don't like sugar or honey can we want molasses and molasses is more healthy for you it has more vitamins whatever had enough okay what will have the last is to so when we sat out at picnic tables with six or eight people around the table worked fine you get you know help yourself and pass it around the tape
well and not a problem but no one two three four five six seven eight nine ten people sitting down the road takes awhile for a tray of condiments to go down the road so they second day we met up with that where we'd better make up a trade for every three people
so we had something like home
twelve trays
or fifteen dress with white sugar brown sugar honey molasses
at least one kind of milk and you know this is before this is the when people were eating dairy

so since then of course now you could have i was at filson tour in switzerland in their vegan so they have no dairy milk but they have soy milk rice milk
mandan has is milk and then i know almond you know hazelnuts and someone you know they have four five or six kinds of melt because should have your choice but to put on your cereal
and they have and they have sugar
two of course and then but there's also honey and i don't recall seeing molasses for the new i am
so it took a long time even with it so we had the all these trays and we'd take over the trays of is come in and we've put them down every three people and then it didn't take so long then for everybody to get there the the milk and sugar and this ago so we got back to the kitchen we were thinking oh my god that was a lot of were desert that's a lot of trays and those are a lot of little
dishes and now what do we do we do we pour the milk back into their original containers and then we have to clean out all these you know of these little pictures and is little known when oh my god this is a lot of work so well we were still thinking about this or we somebody came more or less running into the center's a suzuki roshi wants to give a talk he wants
everybody to be there so is is right after breakfast you know and so we started we were doing and in those days we didn't know any better but the people over to the kitchen also serve the food in the center so now we know better and in a whole group of people students come in and are the servers and for the
sentiments on the kitchen people stay in the kitchen and have we didn't know
that wasn't until in toxic camera she came along and straightened us all out and not have to practice and
i saw a cigarette his talk he said
i don't understand you americans
when you put some much milk and sugar on your syria how would you taste the true spirit of the green
i know about you but i had never heard of the true spirit of the grain
or the fact that you could could taste it
that london that you might practice tasting it
and then he said and while i was still wondering about what is the true spirit he said what did you think you can put milk and sugar on each moment of your experience to make it taste the way you wanted
why don't you taste the true spirit of the moment why don't you taste your own true spirit why don't you take the true spirit of your friends

so i had a new practice
we got back to the kitchen and we more or less high fived i don't know that that we were doing high fives in those days but
because we we didn't have to have those forty or fifty years more little dishes that isn't that and with that okay will just serve to moscow with the morning cereal so of course that's traditional and sandy serve toasted sesame ground up with
saab and for the sale and for whatever
so now instead of adding milk and sugar to taste make it taste to where you want it to you to add guy marcia to make it taste were here to
it's still just as useful because people often put it on each one of their dishes so that everything can taste the same which is in a practice of zen non discrimination in january and you don't have to have any preferences because everything tastes like a commercial so okay which is you no different than the old christian addition to put an ash on as
the thing to make it taste the same way and say get over your preference for
ah
those were the days
so i found out that you know a serial has a wonderful flavor
but you know
it's kind of a flavorless
you know it doesn't have a flavor that jumps out at you
and it it's more like the flavor of water
search the various it's a very kind of simple flavor
and a across a lot of the time we're looking for something in our life this more interesting more exciting
more dynamic and we would if possible accumulate and a number of those kinds of experiences that would reflect well on their resume or in listed i can keep them in my throat
collection have remembered prize experiences or something i don't know but we think it would be nice to have a strong powerful brand experiences
but it turns out the flavor of the morning cereal is
you know in its way or other simple is it's quite remarkable and you can taste of the true spirit
there's something there that is not exactly sweet or sour salty bitter earthy punching in a fruit flower
it's something more spacious and still
and you know in order to teach that you you need to actually taste
so i i tell people now taste what you put in your mouth
i'm
because in order to have this kind of experience you have to actually taste if you can't just sick build if you're busy looking for what you like and making it the experience be that way you want it to be
you won't taste it you have to receive so consciousness itself and were busy knowing the way the country's tends to work is were busy with each moment of experience giving out the directives to ourself or on body mind do this don't do that tasteless don't teach that make it this way don't make it that way
we're busy giving herself instructions directions went to experience with not to experience what's right what's wrong and with a new we neglect receiving experience
so it's so important to just to be able to receive any moment of your experience
and then the true nature of things is they're the true spirit of the grain is there your own true spirit is here
and it's not because it's particularly stunning
a remarkable in the usual worldly sense i usually worldly sense the north think about this is the horizontal world you know this compared to that is not remarkable compared to something else that's not remarkable it's just so when you to taste the true spirit is the vertical world it's not compare to anything it's like this insane as
everyday is a good day
compared to what the fuck
so you can have this taste any time
that you're still and receptive or rather than i want this i don't want that make it like this make it like that
so pretty interesting and this reminds me of by the way of another m
see another story came along i didn't have to planet
but when day we had tea with suzuki roshi
and of course you know zante and an a sitting quietly it was just outside to pick you know it the tables chairs and and then with cheese board while sitting quietly and then at some point we all bow and then very carefully and pick up the teacup return to know holding it in one house
the other hand is underneath it you hold one thing with two hands cause that's the way to honor one thing you know bring both sides of your body to hold it
and
after we sipped our t for little bit seasick russia said does anybody have any questions and right away one of the students
hand went up and she said yes and as students said russia why haven't you enlightened me yet
i thought that kind of
a dick
the fifth
are you really as entity or you just a fraud and i get why haven't you like me at and he paused momentarily he said i'm making my best effort

and then
i was expecting him to say you know if it would be me you know i'm making my best effort and how about you have a
but of course it didn't do that because that's another one of those things every day's a good day everyone is making their best effort
and because sometimes your best effort brings results that you want an often more often it doesn't
so sorry but you know good news is it's not your fault that's just the nature of the horizontal world you can't make it the way you want it to to be an have to everyone there's not enough milk and sugar in the whole universe regardless of whether you want to put it on each moment or not
so this story there has stayed with me over the years i'm making my best effort because of course i spent a lot of time wondering as us and why couldn't have better experiences
where's that enlightenment i've heard so much about why do you just give me painful knees i don't want painful knees i don't like this it's hurts and i'm in a various problems in sitting and then
then that there's a day or anything can you come up with anything better i don't i would like something enlightening please i mean it's been enough i get through enough staff on and then you know your body at san francis excuse me but i'm making my best effort
i'm giving your sensations i've given you as things to say with your eyes smell with your nose taste with your tongue i'm given your thoughts to think feelings to feel
i'm making my best effort
and then he said
thank you
i guess
of
and of course this is very much like the
i forget the two months may be remembered them but the chipmunks walking along one day at the hills and one of them stop senses right here this is the summit of the mystic peak
did you know that
right here this
and the other amongst as yes indeed isn't it a pity
this is i think an example the dries and humor so
the best or commentary but this is a story about jojo who was
other one has studied cent until it was sixty and then went on a twenty year pilgrimage around china visiting all the great teachers that a time and then from eighty two hundred and twenty tough settled down and tarzan
and he's the one who said the fear the monk said i'm i'm new at the monastery in which you please offer me some teaching and and judges said have you had breakfast and among said yes i did and and judges said wash your balls

is that it
wash your vols anyway jojo was a famous because he ignominy was became known in the literature is when he spoke golden light came out of his mouth
this is true
or said metaphor and the way we don't know but
a monk one day as judge of how do i get to the summit of domestic pig
in georgia said i won't say
your favorite said teacher not going to tell me i meet you don't know
the monk says
and golden light comes out of your mouth when you talk come on what why won't you tell me and judges said if i told you how to get to the summit is domestic peak you'd go right on thinking that right now you are on level ground
so which ground are you on is this the level ground of the horizontal world or is this the vertical ground
know where you are now
how do you tell
so pretty sweet
so back to food why don't make as i've i came here i was invited because you know i have i find it i finished a book it's called no recipe
title by margot coached by the way of my partner
so there's no recipe you know
how do you get to the some of the domestic pig
stop thinking you're on level ground experience cause the this moment taste your own to spirit you know
find out where you are i know his web upvotes on the horizontal world and we're in the vertical world
the everyday world the spiritual world
so this book took me and would like to say about ten years twelve years more
because
you know whenever i'd say oh you're writing a book about cooking or are you gonna teach us how to be mindful in the kitchen
i'm not
i'll tell you more about that a minute are you going to tell us how to make masterful recipes that impress people with with very little effort and no stress
no i'm not going to do that
are you gonna tell us how to be vegan and make it really appetizing and favorable no i'm not going to do that so what what what what are you gonna do for us anyway
that would help us you don't put milk and sugar on the way we'd like to
to make things come out the way they should the way we want them to how what are you going to tell us then
what kind of use this book are you write in any way
i'm so
i decided to write the book anyway and hoped it it will find it's audience
maybe some of you arts audience
let's say
and and then it turned out that i had to work through a lot of things to write this book the biggest one was called shame
no shame
shame there's something fundamentally wrong with you
that's you believe anyway
because if there wasn't somebody something fundamentally wrong with you thinks would be coming out much better than they have been so it must be because there's something basically fundamentally inherently wrong with you or your life would be working better
this not the explanation
the festival is when we start to talk about it we realize no that's not the explanation but but still this is called a child a chance believe a childhood believe you know goes back you know and most of us grew up in shamed and then we've learned how to do it to ourselves
gz
so we walk around
don't shame me i'm already doing it to myself
it said we're back to are set up
stop saving yourself grow tall inside
but even years of practice and i still felt a shame shame so oh you're not going to write a book telling us how to produce master for recipes oh shame on you
that's what i felt
so i did a lot of work around that
i went to a process workshopping over you go back and to re-experience your birth and and a time in the woman at a lot of things it's fun
if you like that kind of fun
recently i've begun to thank you know
i i do one day settings at my zendo in fairfax i do one day sittings half days it is one day a month
and you know i used to have ten or twelve people come down like five six seven people come back home with one is just spend time sitting with themselves
like what would be the point of that when you can when you can have some brilliant teaching and understanding you know from some spiritual healer and from some psychic this and you know tantric that you know and then and but just in time with yourself
ooh this is not very good company
but i'm you know it seems like and but i thought i'd known over the years you begin to think well huh
i wish there was somebody else who could do this for me but nobody else seems to want the job anymore than i do and most people are leaving they don't like spending time with me either i guess i'm going to have to learn to do this because they're not helping me with this
are you understanding this
anyway
so i worked through a lot of things and i finally decided i will stand my ground i will speak my truth
i will write a book regardless of whether there's an audience for it or not and regardless of whether the world is looking for something more you know that will do more for them you know your book doesn't do anything for me
oh that's why i wrote the whole thing right just so they can do something for you do something for you enough
anyway so i'm pretty interesting so i decided to let go ahead and write the book you know and i worked on it worked and then finally how did the pug
so i'm reminded know of another story
related to our theme
when i first made biscuits it or i i actually started you know the or before sense and it was there i got a job
richard baker who was not rosy at the time said given once you could get a job at tessa hurt you could work in the kitchen so i wouldn't get a job it has overcome the kitchen i was a dishwasher and passover and then they were making this fabulous bread so i said what i want to learn how to make a said sure and then pretty soon i was the dishwasher bus driver and the bread baker
as they didn't have to which was they love that the cooks and then effort through that summer one of the cooks quit and i became as a cook they said well why don't you go and then it's okay i had no idea because within a couple days i had i realized that i had cooks temperament
and as i say my book you realize you have cooks temperament when they're having meetings that the sole purpose of the menu is where do we do about ad in the kitchen
hadn't basically there's an ultimatum
did you want to keep doing this job for which you'd like another one the fifth fifth fifth fifth fifth fifth fifth fifth if you need to work on this her okay so i've been working on ever since
so i saying on the work in progress but i just learned something very interesting on my recent trip to europe and somebody said to me you know it's okay to be upset in the kitchen is not good but it's okay as long as you don't shame anyone
what's wrong with you
there's nothing wrong with you
you know so i'm so i did pretty well with except for one time i ended up somehow shaming i've got upset just it's a long story some not going to go into it but anyway i'm just one time there was little shame for a little bit so that was interesting
you know that you can do a lot of things but you know you really make an effort not to shame yourself or others
okay so once i became the cook i started making biscuits and the biscuits just didn't come out right
darn it and then i said well maybe it's the eggs and the biscuits wanna live out the eggs and see with the biscuits are like and i left out the eggs made biscuits and
this biscuits system they're not right they don't think and come out the way they should maybe it's because i'm using milk and not water maybe be kind of biscuit i am i want is more like water instead of milks i made the biscuits with water and not not a still didn't come out right so then i thought maybe it's the butter and better use crystal
a
hibiscus tilted can arrive so after four five tries i said
right compared to what
oh i grew up with this quick and pillsbury
my biscuits don't taste like either those
i'm trying to make a manufactured my biscuits into a manufactured product
oh my goodness
this greek you just take the powder and you put in a bowl and stir in milk with a fork and then you take your forgan flap slip it onto the pan you don't even need any better in the pan and you bake this
interesting shapes
liqueurs pillsbury wrapped the can on the corner the candidates twisted open but the biscuits out of the band know those are biscuits
why don't my biscuits taste like this
what's wrong what am i doing wrong
of course that was kind of it's it's an awakening and it's an aha moment and says i'm like oh my god how could you be so stupid you know but this is where we are we have this child and images and pictures that were still turn to make come true even though you can
so then i i decided
why don't i taste the biscuits of today
setting aside all the other pictures or images
a biscuit
that i might have from somewhere
and i made the biscuits again with the butter with the eggs with the milk and they were sounds good ah unbelievable and you could just they're flaky high-rise biscuits and images without a knife you just as and the middle like you just hope
it and there was how you can put even more butter in
in your biscuits and they were flaky and lied and they were heavenly and the basic owner just melted magnitude slightly but and then it was so flavorful and then again just melted in your mouth and they were headed because it was a whole wheat flour they tasted earthy percy know
roasted toasty and they also tasted sunday and light earth water air sunlight those biscuits were just delicious
and so this is the biscuit of today you know here we are what is the biscuit of today tastes like and broken a unique you're not careful you'll have a lot of ideas compared to what
so it's easier to cook if you
and to have your life if you're not busy comparing it to other moments or your picture of how you'd like to come out
see her desk amount
and then what will you do with that and of course we have all these vintage and snake da vinci's don't complain about the quality of the quantity of the ingredients
use what comes into your life
see what it is and see what you want to do with it

also i will mention little bit about mindfulness in the kitchen and then to do this you know tell your story girlfriends deal to me in a one year he you know this is way back when and mcgilchrist is now fundamental basically of the personal teacher but he's also a mill gave him dharma transmission
so we also
you know could be as if he wanted to but he teaches for partner which means that they don't have to wear these outfits and know fifth the fifth
they don't do a lot of class management
and it it turns out that
it turns out my ex-wife am not a long story but you know we were married by suzuki roshi at tassajara i'll just tell you that tip it
at the end of the ceremony you know there was more than one hundred people there including my relatives and her relatives and all the friends and at the end of the ceremony for all married and says if he or she would say a few words
extemporaneously off the cuff and he said
add and meg are going to have a very difficult time

talk about shame i wanted the floor to open up you know and a big gap and just follow through and then the earth close over my head please
ah and then he went on and on like that a very very difficult to you're going to have to help them i don't know how they thought anybody would be able to help us bed
dad is gonna become a priest meg is not gonna wanna be a temple wife
ah thank you for saying
twenty five years later i some blanche hartman at gringotts we went on for a walk down to the garden fields and i said you remember that just a oh yes and implanted the democrats had long brunette hair i first met her at the berkeley san center on do i weigh and nineteen seventy three a long brown hair
and she's pictures as their photos of her at the wedding no dancing and affairs flinging around
terre blanche you you know is more known for her shaved head and
wonderful picture of her the gay pride parade or something you know head of the march
anyway advanced oh yes he was scathing wasn't it
i said yeah he was really scared in the and she said but it was trying to help you you know fifth
and then she said her husband zoo hartman was acres is attendant that day the gisha and they got back to brush is kevin and russia's taken off as a case in his muttering to himself too serious too serious
so well but anyway my ex-wife of after living in france for twenty five thirty years came back here and she said i want to study buddhism again who should i study with i said you know i don't have others this person in that person is i says that why don't you know i could probably arrange for you to talk to jack
cornfield how about that wanted to talk to jack
so she talked to jack kornfield
who's so well known and everything own are awesome awesome teacher who i studied with after than i did many years of the poznan
but i still
where the closing
not quite that same haircut but you know something short anyway
cheap she she got back and she said a he he's at the end of the juncker said why didn't i become a buddhist teacher
my ex-wife a buddhist teacher excuse me and my daughter said the same thing who is that jack kornfield telling my mom she could be a buddhist teacher
but now now we're was in europe and she decided to stay with a your first as was the connection houses and she's just really impressed with gallon with you know when she went to the retreat up in santa cruz mountains she said you send him a check ahead of time and then when you walk in the door they give it back to you give your checked bag when you walk in the door and
then at the end of the retreat they say you've had this retreat for free now why did you pay for the next group to have it for free
anyway so she loves just as that's a great business principal the fifth successive
anyway a jug went on his trip to japan for a month you've studied it and most are in japan and then he went to southeast asia for a month or two and he said everybody loves to rake
and in japan they say when you rake just rake in southeast asia they say when you rake watch your mind
so set in japan greg greg greg greg the banks go under reagan and he knows there's a little test coming up and they get all the leaves together in southeast asia is that they just stand there

i told us to mel you know after gala told me the story and mail said
i guess the monks in asia are standing there holding the rig and now moving they still think their minds or appear
what's your mind what's your mind breaking and watch you know there's a lot of ways think about that but their them it in mind to in a mental note to know everything is mind anyway
so this is permits are related to
i didn't have a chapter in my book called cooking with passion
and it's not the same as cooking with mindfulness and i got this it turns out you know right at the beginning with suzuki roshi he said when you wash the rice wash the rice when you cut the carrots cut the carrots when you stir the soup stir the soup he didn't say when you wash the rice be mindful
like what would that look like how would you know if you're mindful or not and then if you're busy trying to be mined for while you're watching the rice you may not be watching the you maybe i'll just be standing there like try to be mindful so what's the difference between washing the rise and being mindful i'll restart practice mindfulness
so am
so this is so i liked the zen style you know i was in a plum village one time and i worked in i thought i'd volunteer to work in the kitchen they said now if you volunteer to work in the kitchen you're not going to be able to come to the dharma talk but we have loudspeakers in the kitchen you can listen to the dharma talk over the loudspeakers in the kitchen so i thought okay i know i don't need to see
see ticket on while is talking i couldn't hear it in the kitchen
so i was working away in the kitchen when you when you cut the vegetables cut the vegetables and you know cut the carrots in own and then they the the the nuns came over me you need to slow down and be more mindful
you're here to energetic for the kitchen

so there are different styles and different understandings of what is practice but i'm a great so then over the years i've causes now cooking with passion
so you know i'm an odd to me it's sad
you know you throw yourself into what you're doing you burn yourself completely
you know when you if you're walking your work and you what's it like to be walking and not are you busy are you busy practicing but are you busy working
and am so
we're coming to the end of the chalk as it's that time

but i found over the years you know that them says the other distinction here is between you know it's the basic thing of when you when you're cooking people say it was spiritual is to be completely loving
what would that look like

hi ho hi ho it's off to beautiful
i don't know what it would look like you know but i didn't either
whenever i hear that i think oh my god if i if i had to be completely loving when i was cooking i never would have had anything to eat and neither would anybody else i don't know i don't know how to do that i don't know what that would look like are you know where the cooking will be like i died i don't know how to do that big i don't know how to be completely loving and maybe what i'm do
it is completely loving this is the summit of the domestic peak and used to say was completely loving and what's not completely loving except of course for your partner
dave and they know better than you do what's completely loving and night here
they can tell you they straighten you out
so
yeah so i i i can never be completely live inside decided to be
me

for better or worse
anyway i decided to
you know
put whatever surprising you know their anger i found out that you could you can put it into your cooking into your into your work
an anger is not just anger it's your energy or vitality or exuberance your passion and you put it into the food
and you can you take sadness and you turn it into food and you take disappointment and turned it into food and you take frustration and turned it into food you take worry and turned it into food if you turn it all in a food i think that's pretty good
to understand it's not the same as you know
how calm and peaceful you look while you're working
but i'm i'm working on it like how do i put whatever is arising it's in one more ingredient to put into the food
your spirit is going into what you're doing and your fear it is going to in defeating people
so again to me that sin but for i'm just me so you can have others hands if you one what does it look like you know when you do it
because we'd get it is and our way
that's one of the wonderful things about it of course is that there is no such thing as sanders on the you
a practicing

i'm so i liked in my lectures with it a palm so i'll give you a my version of a roomy phone
i like to memorize the bones because then you have the poem in your body it's not just in your head for other heads to hear
it's in my body and i can say it to your body directly
and then you can hear it with your body and not just with your head
i got this from robert bly
amazing amazing spirit and performer and you know he did the poetry reading at san francisco bay street and nineteen seventy eight two nights
of poetry his an anna akhmatova and roomy and real kind of character and everything by man ray
everything his own palms and then he says if i see any of you reading my palm along with me i'm going to change the words because it's my palm
a fifty fifty
anyway short roomy from
i'm not even the whole poem k this we have now is not imagination this we have now is not imagination not a joy or sorrow this is not a judge in state
not a happiness or despair does come and go
this we have now is the presence that doesn't this we have now is the presence that doesn't come ago you know we say this all the time in our way
does not increase or decrease as that is not tainted or pure does not appear or disappear this is the presence citizen
when wine when grapes turn into wine they all want this
the night sky is nothing but a crowd of beggars
going across the sky and they want this the presence the doesn't come her doesn't come
this we have now is not imagination this is the presence
and we sit here and it is that sweet
think what you want
thank you