Good morning. The hardest part of lecture for me is always, since I've been ordained, is trying to get through the whole process without stepping on my robes or tripping. So I did that. So now I can kind of relax, I think. So we've just finished the third week of our Aspects of Practice, where we have been studying Suzuki Roshis. So we've been studying Suzuki Roshi's unpublished letters and we've been very much enjoying the unedited unpublished lectures and it seems like they're all kind of merging together.

[01:00]

And when I was working with this particular koan that I'm going to talk about today, the other ones kept on intruding. So I'm not sure I'm going to talk about a koan called Every Day is a Good Day. it's very similar to sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha. It's not so different from finding the true dragon. All these koans that we've been swimming around in, the water that we've been swimming around in with all these koans is sort of, I feel kind of bathed in it. One of the things that I'm going to do, because it works for me, is that when I work with a koan, when I decide to do a koan, it usually just, something just clicks, some unconscious thing. When we were picking our koans, something just, it was an unconscious thing, I saw that and I said, oh, that's the one, but I had no idea why. And so I live with the koans. I don't look it up, I don't read the koan, I just kind of live with it for three or four weeks, and then see what comes up for me.

[02:04]

And often what comes up for me is, an experience, a body-mind experience, and then I say, oh, that's my understanding of that Kahn. So I thought I would start then with two days that I experienced during this discernment period of how I was gonna work with every day is a good day. The first day was a Monday morning, Monday. So I always come to Zazen in the a.m. And I heard a talk that morning that was really a good talk from somebody who was a good friend of mine, but sometimes when someone appears on the seat in the morning, you see something you never saw before. So it was a really nice experience for me to kind of see this person's light in a way that I hadn't seen it before.

[03:07]

That was one experience, and then I went to practice committee meeting, which is practice committee meeting, and then I played with my dog. She was very happy to see me when I got home, and she always makes me feel very present and totally there with her. You know, she jumps on me, and she licks me, and she's biting my hands, and she wants to play, and whatever, and it's just totally, whatever's been going on, it's just me and the dog. And then I thought I'd catch up on my emails and do my Monday yoga class, which I love. And then I would do my Monday meeting, my Monday visit to my mother, who is in an assisted living facility. She's 98 years old and has recently taken a very severe turn for the worst in the last, in fact, it was a couple of days after Nancy's

[04:08]

assault when my mother suddenly became confused and weak and took to her bed. So now she's in hospice. So I was going to my mother's. I had to go to Walgreens to pick up diapers for her. And I got there and my mother was lying in her bed, just completely confused. And I wasn't sure if she recognized me or not. And I felt uneasy, kind of like I wanted to get out of there. It was just not a place I wanted to be. It was just not a good place. But I took a breath and sat next to her. And the first thing I noticed was that her caretaker had put one of her old an old tape on.

[05:10]

And it was an old tape that was made for my dad. And they always liked, you know, 30s, 40s, and 50s music. I don't think they ever got much past that their whole life. And so there were all these songs which I remembered from when I was a kid. And so I started to sing along because I realized that I knew the words to all these songs. And then all of a sudden, tears started. I just sat there singing with tears coming down. And then I noticed a needlepoint that my mother had done, a beautiful one that was up on a wall. And I was singing, and I looked around, and I saw a ceramic piece. She had loved to do ceramics, and this was her favorite piece she had in a prominent position. And I looked at these wedding pictures of hers that she'd had. She'd taken out, she'd asked me to take out a few years ago her old wedding pictures and put them in a prominent place.

[06:17]

And then there were some pictures, there was a whole set of pictures of me when I was about four years old trying to blow on a dandelion and getting the dandelion stuff in my mouth. Her trying to get it out of my mouth and whatever. And she had it with a little bracelet of mine, whatever, when I was a kid. So all of a sudden I was there with my mother. And I was there singing, and I felt, and I was still crying, and I could feel like my whole family was there. My dad was there, he's been dead for 18 years, and I was there with my mother, and I was there with the music, and I was there with her things. So what kind of day was that? So, then there's another day. that we all experienced. The day of Karen and Nancy's wedding.

[07:19]

It was a wonderful day. It was a wonderful day here from the morning, a lot of excitement, everyone helping, everyone bringing food or setting up food and decorating and doing all kinds of things. It was a tremendous amount of joy. We had a beautiful wedding ceremony. We all cheered. It was just this joyful cheer when the wedding ceremony was over. And then we had this wonderful assortment of cakes. And I, you know, that was a, was just a, it was just this day, you know, this was this day here. And then I went out and did something else and I came home and I got the email about Nancy, our Nancy, being assaulted outside the zendo. So what kind of day is that? So Suzuki Roshi, Uman, one day asked his students, I don't ask you, I don't ask you about 15 days before.

[08:28]

But how about 15 days ahead? That was his question. I don't ask you what has happened, you know. What has happened actually 15 days before? Or what has been? What has happened for 15 days? This is how Suzuki Roshi talks, and that's why these are the unedited lectures. This is exactly how he spoke if you listen to his tapes. What has happened for 15 days? But I'm asking you what will happen from now? That was Umon's question. No one could answer for that, for that question. So Uman said, every day is a good day. And he laughed. Suzuki Roshi laughed. That was his answer. Every day is a good day. 15 days, you know, it has been good days. We have had good days for 15 days and we will have good days from now on. Every day is a good day. That was Uman's answer. And that What he means is every day good day means every day actual, his life of every day include is not, include both there is and there is not.

[09:34]

And he is satisfied with the idea of there is and the idea of there is not. There is something good. There's nothing is also good. But there is at the same time does not mean actually there is something. So in the comment, in the Heki Ganroko, version of the koan it says After that every day is a good day Children have faith in life Enjoy life because they are in a positive Samadhi every moment when you're in positive Samadhi as children are everything is alright and every day is a good day and Then there was this shocking line here, which I really for some reason really Got me He said, Christ's words, this is the commentary on the poem, so the person who wrote the commentary. Christ's words, sufficient unto each day is the evil thereof. Think about that.

[10:35]

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. So whatever good, whatever evil is sufficient unto the day. The day is every day. So I was curious about this idea of positive samadhi. And was there a negative samadhi? And so in Zen, It's talked there. We talked about two kinds of Samadhi positive Samadhi and absolute Samadhi So You enter the silence of absolute Samadhi during sauce and practice where you shake off habitual modes of consciousness the delusiveness of topsy-turvy thought Then going out and coming back into the into the

[11:48]

into the world of actual life and ordinary activity of consciousness, we enjoy positive samadhi. Freedom of mind in the complicated situations of life while in the midst of the complicated situations of life. So how do I understand that or how do I understand that? From my own experience of the day with my mom, I think I kind of experienced positive Samadhi. I was experiencing positive Samadhi in accepting the whole situation with my mother, the curiosity about the whole picture, being completely in that situation, staying there in that situation, and noticing everything else. Noticing the pictures, noticing the music, including the music, not really noticing, including the music, including the pictures, including everything, including the sitting, the breathing.

[12:59]

An absolute Samadhi for me is more sitting on a cushion and when things drop away and we're feeling that there's no form, that we're empty. We've dropped away body and mind. That's absolute samadhi. But mostly we have to come off our cushion and go out into the world and still maintain our composure in some way. Or maybe not. Some days. Some days we maintain our composure and sometimes not. So Suzuki Roshi goes on to say, anyway, every day is a good day for him. There is or there is not, he doesn't care. There is good, there is good, there is not, also good. Every day is good day. When you understand exactly what there is and what there is not, then you have complete freedom from everything.

[14:06]

You can appreciate things in his true sense. When there's no wind, still something, some flower, like camellia, falls. In the deep mountain, when you hear a bird, when you feel, all of a sudden, how quiet the mountain is, when you're totally present. So Setyo has a verse that goes with this koan. Setting aside one, you gain seven. No one can rival you. Quietly waiting in the rapids, you extinguish the sound of water. Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of the flying birds. Grass grows rampant, mist lies thick. So the setting aside. Yes, I certainly will. I was going to go through it. Oh, it fell off. That's why.

[15:09]

I'm Italian, so I sometimes move my hands around when I talk. I can't help it, even though I'm Zen. I'm Italian. Through and through. Setting aside one, you gain seven. No one can rival you. Setting aside one is like putting the past behind, being totally present in the moment. You gained the moment and you put the past behind and you're totally present. You gain everything in this moment. No one can rival you because you are, you're there, you've entered the positive samadhi of the moment. Quietly waiting in the rapids, you extinguish the sound of water. That's kind of like extinguishing the sound of your mind or extinguishing your thoughts. Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds.

[16:16]

That's sort of interesting. How do you retain the tracks of flying birds? Well, if you concentrate fully, sometimes in your heightened awareness, you actually slow things down. We've all had that experience. You're totally fully present. Things slow down. your mind is down, you're not bothered by all the chatter of what you might be saying or thinking about this. Grass grows rampant, mist lies thick. So that's just talking about, you know, if you have a busy mind, grass is growing, the weeds are all growing. And then when you settle down, when you settle down and penetrate the moment and are experiencing samadhi then the mist is thicker. So I'll read it one more time. Setting aside one, you gain seven. No one can rival you. Quietly awaiting the rapids, you extinguish the sound of water.

[17:21]

Watching at leisure, you retain the tracks of flying birds. Grass grows rampant, mist lies thick. The other part of that verse has to do with being, well, I'll read it first. Famed for emptiness in Zazen, yet flowers rain down on you for shame. Snapping my fingers, I scold you, Sunyata. Don't be confused or else 30 blows." A lot of blows in these. So that really has, Sunyata is a monk who was known for his understanding of emptiness and his ability to be in emptiness and be in absolute Samadhi. But one day the gods, strew down flowers on his head. At first he was really happy, but then he realized that if they could still find him, he had not really realized. He had not reached enlightenment.

[18:22]

He was still there, appreciating his emptiness. So Suzuki Roshi. Every day is a good day, whatever happened to him. It is not just the happening of something. Or is it just nothing happened? Nothing happened, you say, but many things is happening. When something happens, you feel nothing. The feeling of nothing is happening in the great universe, including sun and moon and bright stars you see in Tassajara Valley. That you see many stars, actually, when you see many stars. That's interesting. When you see many stars, actually, when you see many stars, you will feel the vast emptiness of the sky. You're not just watching stars, but you are feeling, actually, you feel the vastness of the sky. So it's a body-mind experience. An experience of samadhi is a body-mind experience.

[19:24]

You feel it. You sensually feel it. You feel it throughout your body-mind. In short, If you're always involved in the life of there is or there is not, or enough or not enough, good or bad, right or wrong, you don't feel anything in its true sense. But when your mind is very calm, calm enough to see things which you do not actually see, when your mind is calmness, even though you see many things, you can appreciate the vastness of being covered by something you see. then you can appreciate things as it is, that it is, as it is. That is umans, every day is a good day. Every day we practice zazen. In summer morning zazen is good, very good. But evening zazen is also good. It is a little hot, but after, you know, sitting, when you feel cool from wind outside, you may feel indescribable, you know, feeling of peace. Night Zazen this time of year is supposed to be very hot because it's hot.

[20:27]

But actual feeling you have in Zazen on such warm days, hot days, you have indescribable good feeling, which you cannot appreciate in spring or autumn. Coolness, the feeling of coolness is something more than you think about, even though you know how good evening Zazen is. But every time you feel it, oh good. So what about, this all sounds, this is all not dealing with difficulties. This is all sounding fine, this is hot. But then Suzuki Roshi often talks about if you're really hot, be hot. If you're really angry, be angry. So what is that? How is that as a good day? How does that feel? Seems okay to feel like I sit in this endo, I get myself into samadhi, things are fine.

[21:29]

For that particular day, maybe nothing comes up that's disturbing. Terrific, easy, good day. So, I wanted to share another day. This day happened, actually, maybe just a few days after the day when I was in, singing 30 songs and being with my mom. The hospice nurse called and said, you know, I saw your mother again. And you know, there's really no difference. She's not going to be one of those people who has a rapid trajectory. He said it's going to be, he used the word, I would not, if any of you are case managers or nurses, please don't try to comfort people like this. It's going to be agonizingly painful. Okay.

[22:35]

Well, you know, the power of suggestion. So I was just, you know, I had a bunch of things to do that day I was gonna come. to Thursday class, the next day I was gonna sit front seat for, I think, Friday Zazen, and I was gonna go to a priest meeting, and all of this. And all of a sudden, the sadness just came. All of the sadness that I had been trying to cope with Because I because I wasn't I was like holding it there was some something even though I had been I had started to cry There was there was something holding back You know, maybe my mother wasn't really dying Maybe she'd come back again. I wasn't really sure whether I really wanted to die even she's almost 98, but I really you know, it's just Just a push and pull this kind of feeling that you go through and I just

[23:40]

Sadness just took over. So everything slowed down. I was completely in sadness. I mean, I went into kind of like slow motion. Every time I tried to do something, it was like, oh, I just couldn't, it was too much for me. And so I thought, okay, so today is sadness. I didn't really think, actually. I didn't do a lot of thinking. I just kind of sat there and thought, okay, so now this is it. What now? And I realized that I needed to be completely in sadness. I needed to completely open to that sadness. I needed to feel it. I needed to feel whatever it was. I needed to let my body feel it.

[24:44]

I needed not to be thinking about it. I didn't think all these things, actually. I'm saying this now in retrospect. Because at the time, all I did was say, OK. And then I realized I just couldn't go on with my regular life. And I had to call it off. So I sent some emails, made a phone call. I called off my life for two days, my busy life, and said, my life is sadness. That's all I felt. And it was just sadness. I had my dog running up and licking me and getting on my lap. other things that were happening during the day, my daughter-in-law sending a picture of my granddaughter walking, that she started walking, and various things, but mainly I had these things, these happy, or whatever you would call good things, but the main thing was just abiding, totally abiding in the feeling.

[25:53]

And I think, so when I think about that, is that a good day? Is that a good day? Just abiding in what is. Totally abiding in what is. Letting go of what's extra. Not turning away, turning completely. Immersing yourself in whatever's there. So, that's my bad day or good day. It's another day, it's just another day. So Suzuki goes on. Let me see what I want to do. So Suzuki goes on about big mind and small mind, and he talks about the first principle and the second principle,

[27:00]

which I don't want to make a lot of, but the first principle is emptiness and the absolute, and the second principle is the practice, it's our practice in the real world of forms. And so, what he brings is how do we, how do we, how do we, in our life every day, with everything that comes to us, how do we then, how do we practice basically with what comes to us. How do we practice in a way that every day is a good day? First of all, it's like giving up what's a good day. So when he says good day, he's really not talking about good day. We kind of tend to go to good day. It's really that quote, sufficient to each day is the evil thereof. Sufficient to each day is whatever happens. sufficiency each day is just life.

[28:04]

So he talks a lot about big mind and how big mind and small mind work in this. Our small mind is our dualistic mind or we think of it as our dualistic mind that sees a good day and a bad day and our big mind is the one we hope Who knows? They're totally intertwined. But he tries to untangle them in this talk in some way. How to continue your practice based on big mind is the point. In your big mind, small mind has some position, some place. Good and bad also has some place, some seat. We cannot ignore the small mind of wrong practice completely. There is some seat that is big mind. The small mind, even though mind is good, small mind does not allow for wrong mind and small mind to sit together. Even though it is good, you know, good practice, but small-minded good practice is not real practice.

[29:14]

Big-minded good practice is really, really good practice. And it gives a seat for the good practice and the bad practice. And you don't feel so bad about your bad practice. I don't know if I should read that again. So, luckily, one of his students asked, Roshi, is the meaning of Buddhist practice to continually develop our small mind? Or the big mind continues in the small mind? Suzuki Roshi says, you can say so. It is possible to say so when because we are always involved in small mind. But big mind, without knowing what is big mind, is suffering, you know. But if you know what is big mind, even though your life is continuous practice of continuous small-minded practice, okay, and you feel in this way, but it will be quite different from usual suffering you may have.

[30:19]

So that's interesting, isn't it? The suffering of big mind and the suffering of small mind. Maybe Sojin will throw some light on that. But right now, when right now you understand what I'm saying, you know, maybe for the first time, I use this kind of statement, you know, continuous practice, continuous small-minded practice. So it looks like in our practice, there is no true joy or something like that. But if you know what is big mind, yesterday, was it yesterday, Sunday? Yeah, when you hear the bird, you will find the mountain calmer than before. That kind of feeling is calmness of the deep, deep mountain. And you hear the bird, you know, and for the deep, remote it remote me remoted that's interesting remoted mountain bird is not bird cannot disturb the mountain but we hear the bird before you feel as if a bird is disturbing the calmness of the mountain that is the usual feeling we have if small problem happens to your life you will be very much you know discouraged and disturbed but if you know the vastness of the big mind or Buddha mind

[31:42]

You know that kind of problem is not a problem. But we see the problem. There is a big difference. Accept the problem. Do you understand? So anyway, you must have some feeling about, dot, dot, dot. If possible, you must have even a branch of the big mind. And on the other hand, you should be faithful to things that happens in your life. So you should always be present in the things and be with the things that happen in your life. So this is interesting, some branch of big mind. You must have a branch of big mind. I wonder what that looks like. On the other hand, you should be faithful to things that happen in your life. Then, you will not be disturbed by the problem you have and you will be encouraged. your practice will be encouraged. Practice to appreciate the big mind will be encouraged.

[32:45]

So I would like, I actually think I want to stop because I think I'd like to hear people's response to, or maybe you want to share good days and other days, or even, you know, what that feels like, what that feels like to my own practice has been a lot in this last few years of how do I actually be with suffering? How do I do it? And how do I not practice spiritual bypass and just sit all the time and try to dwell in some nice somatic state? I know how to do that, actually, I can do that. I went to Sojin a while ago, maybe six months ago, I said, I'm having blissful zazen and my life is, all these things are falling apart. How does that be? Am I doing spiritual bypass? Well, not necessarily. I wasn't really trying to push away anything. It's just that I know how to do that.

[33:48]

I can sit that way. Sometimes, not all the time. I mean, I was going through a really blissful period, it's wonderful. But then, how do you not, You say, well, it's not coming up there, and yet it's coming up all over the place in my world. When I go from Samadhi out into the world, when I meet the world again, how do I practice positive Samadhi in the world? And how do we practice positive Samadhi in a tragedy? What does that look like? How do we practice with Nancy's death? How do we, how is that, how is that, how do we practice with that each day? Dean. You said something about how do we practice with suffering and there's a part of me that's wondering. I'm sort of struggling with some stuff with my mom too and my family and

[34:58]

So when you said that, I think I'm trying to figure out is when it's suffering or when it's sadness and when it's almost like our human created suffering and I mean, are we really practicing with suffering when it's our own created distress? I mean, or is it that is the practice is to not engage in the distress and then maybe it's not suffering, it's just sadness. I don't know that it's helpful to try to distinguish it. When you're suffering, you're suffering. I mean, when you're feeling, you know, when there's a situation that you're meeting, right? It's a real-life situation. We get old and die.

[36:00]

It's a real-life situation. Our loved ones die, and it's really sad. And it happens to all of us, and it happens every day somewhere. Every day there's violence. Every day there's killing. Every day there's births. Every day there's babies walking for the first time. But when I'm faced with losing my mom, it's sad. It's sad. It's okay to be sad. Right. But is that the same as suffering? Because doesn't the suffering come from the resistance as opposed to that? I think that's what I'm talking about, is the resistance to what is. And is that the suffering? Or is that the sadness? Because they feel like two different things. I think that that's kind of where where this idea of kind of letting the suffering be the suffering, not fighting it, not expecting anything else.

[37:03]

In other words, it's turning towards the suffering. When you try to turn away from the suffering, then that's the suffering of adding something, of desire or aversion. So if you're suffering and there's desire and aversion involved, That's the extra added piece that you can add or not. You can add that or not. And that's why he's saying leave off the last 15 days. Leave off the last 15 days because the last 15 days are what was. And we're never going to get that anymore. We have today, what's today, and what's tomorrow. We don't have that. So that's kind of what we planted a seed in our consciousness about how it's always gonna be, or it's not there anymore, and we're wanting to go back to that place. And that causes us a lot of pain, to go back to some other place before the suffering.

[38:04]

Or maybe it'll be like it used to be. But numbing to something very painful happening is a normal reaction, and it is protective sometimes. Yeah. I think that's right. I mean, that's quite a normal human psychology. We sometimes can't handle it at the time. You know, we kind of say, because we have to live our lives or because it's just overwhelming and we're not able to. So, sometimes it's not possible for us at a particular moment to be with it. You know, when I had kids, you know, my kids were little, I mean, thankfully they're still here, but when they were little, it was like I had to put aside a lot of my feelings, no matter what was going on, because they needed something. You know, I need to be able to do my life, and sometimes I can't do my suffering, right?

[39:05]

When I want to, I have to wait for my suffering until after the kids go to bed. You said some things that were all separate, but they came together for me. And one of the things you said was, oh, I wonder if there's negative samadhi. And then you talked about the tracks of the flying birds and how in a state of samadhi, things slow down. And then a little while later, you talked about being so sad about your mother and things slowing down. And I felt this sense of negative samadhi. there that by being willing to be totally present with your sadness, things slowed down and you were able to see the tracks of the flying birds of sadness. I don't think that that was negative Samadhi. I don't think it is. I don't know if it exists. I don't think it exists. Commenting on negative samadhi, I've suffered my own personal pain acutely.

[40:16]

I'm sure we've all had lots of pain, but one thing about positive samadhi is we want to take pictures of it, we want to repeat it again later, we want to look for how it got there, what led to that, right? Maybe the opportunity of this moment being of indulge in saving it or preserving it or having it again later, so we have a moment of just awareness. For example, my experience is like, wow, there's nothing but this now. And I'm not trying to repeat it or save it, so maybe this is a way of being in the present moment fully. I think that positive samadhi doesn't mean necessarily positive in the conventional sense. It means totally engaged in life, in each moment, with being awake.

[41:16]

Being awake and being in a totally awake receptive, accepting state. I assume that samadhi meant good, no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Good. Tony? Maybe negative samadhi is when things are chaos and horrible and tragic and awful and we concentrate on that sometimes. So maybe that's negative samadhi, if it exists. Basically samadhi means imperturbability. So positive samadhi and negative samadhi is the same thing. I don't mean negative. Positive samadhi and absolute samadhi, same thing. It's just one is inactivity, the other is stillness. Well, mindless, you know, totally distracted.

[42:32]

But it's not Samadhi. It's either Samadhi or another mindset, another mind state that isn't called Samadhi. Laurie? I feel like we just keep approaching through these classes and lectures, we're like coming up to some, does anybody else feel this way, we're like coming up to some juncture or something, which is really hard to put into words, but I just was thinking, how little can you do to get here? What's the littlest amount you can do to get here? Because as soon as you try to do more than a little bit, it's topsy-turvy. It's topsy-turvy. He's always talking about topsy-turvy thinking. It becomes topsy-turvy because our mind gets it. We try too hard. That's why. And then I got here, and then it was really nice. and then the next time you're trying to do that one or something.

[43:33]

Unless you're constantly leaving the last 15 days behind. Which you have to be. I was reading, this is totally whatever, but there's this new, I really don't like it, it's a new TV thing which I watched once. The Affair, if anybody's had the misfortune of watching it actually. And I read that the woman who wrote it said that it was based on her idea that every relationship is based on one erotic moment. And then the rest of our time is trying to get back to that. And that's why so many relationships don't work. I thought you said that. It's like biting the apple. Jerry? Yeah? I just wanted to say something. I didn't see you Sometimes things up yeah Practicing with them is just enduring It's not necessarily transforming it's not necessarily

[44:38]

insight and it's sometimes things are beyond what we can transform at that moment. Well, I think there's transforming and then there's just accepting without judging yourself about it. That's what you can do. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's sometimes worrying or blaming oneself for suffering, then there's an aversion to one's own aversion, [...] and you can get caught in, I should be practicing differently. And sometimes that's just the way it is. Yeah, and that day's a good day too. Because that's just how it is. You don't need to know if it's a good day or not.

[46:00]

I'm not talking about judging whether it's a good day. Good doesn't mean good. Good just means sufficient unto itself. It just means that's the human condition. Today's the human condition. Tomorrow's the human condition. And sometimes the human condition is painful. And sometimes it's euphoric. And sometimes it's blah. Mostly a lot. But that's how it is. I think we're done, unless somebody has a burning question. Yes, please. The good is the essence of the koan. Good, which is not the same good as the good which is the opposite of bad. Right. It's just the way it is. It's the way it is. Yes, Ginny, that's the last one. couldn't help but during your talk think, where's the chaplain on your hospice team?

[47:01]

I hope you have one. I also hope in the world emerging in the 15 days ahead that there'll be a music therapist and an art therapist also on that team for everyone involved, including the staff. It's a perfect example of what's going on. And, you know, speaking of that, as I was listening to you, two things came to me, which sometimes come to me when I really go plunge, so to speak, into whatever's up, is the song, the Kakawin song of Zazen. And in that, I'm remembering two moments in our sangha. One was during the memorial service for Nancy, You know, the vibe in this room when Hozan pulled out his guitar and we sang that refrain together. And also, when I was with Nancy in the hospital room, you know, it's really hard to see that wound in that moment.

[48:09]

But what came to me was just a melody of, And that came out of Thich Nhat Hanh and the sangha there. And so there's something about that that, to me, is very encouraging in what I hear you naming, which is to name it and share it, and that the good has to be a live experience of what's going on. It's funny, because as I was listening to you, what came back to me was a Michael Franti song. I think it's from the band Spearhead, and it goes, Just another day, living in the hood. Just another day on the way. Feeling good today. Or bad today.

[49:01]

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