Good morning. This is the last talk of the year, and as of this afternoon we have a break until New Year's Eve. We always have a nice New Year's Eve party. It's really interesting because very few of our members come. They come and go, but mostly people who've never been here before come and go. And we have our usual formality, but it's all kind of broken up with people don't know what's going on. It works. As long as you don't expect anything. So I invite you all to come.

[01:03]

It's a great way to spend New Year's Eve. So today I want to talk about my plan for the next few months and I also want to acknowledge all of the practice, work, devotion of the members. So first I want to talk about what I'm doing. I have always enjoyed leading practice periods at Tassajara. Tassajara began at the same time as the Berkeley Zen Do. We got to Tassajara and we got to Burkazindo same year, 67. And so I've been going to Tassajara ever since, four practice periods, and then when I was a cohabit, I was leading practice periods for nine years.

[02:08]

Every year we have two practice periods of Tassajara every year, in winter and spring, and fall So the abbots always lead the practice periods. That's kind of the perk or the privilege that the abbots have, is that abbots lead the practice periods. And if the abbots can't, then the former abbots can do that. And so the last practice period that I led by myself was in 2005. And then the last co-leading with Abbot Steve Spooky. He's always invited me to do that. And so I've always said, well, you know, I can't lead a full practice period because I don't want to be there that long. So I said, if anybody wants to share some time, I'll be willing to do that. So when Steve invited me to

[03:13]

So I've done that the last several years. This year, none of the abbots were able to commit to the practice period because of other various things they have to do, except for Steve. And so we decided that Paul Haller, who was a former abbot, and Steve and myself, would each do a month this coming year, this coming winter. But unfortunately, Abbott Steve discovered terminal pancreatic cancer, as many of you know. So, he's bedridden and will not be able to do that. So, that leaves Paul Heller and I. He was going to do February and I was going to do, and Paul was going to do March.

[04:19]

This is something we've never done before. Because the abbots actually like to do the whole thing themselves, as the teacher. So this leaves Paul and I to pick up that piece. So I will be at Tassajara January and half of February. But I never have gone to Tassajara in the past, when I used to do practice periods, three months practice periods every year. The sangha just took care of itself really well. I never thought about it when I was at Tassajara. As a matter of fact, when I go to Tassajara, I don't think about Berkeley. I'm just there. And when I'm here, I don't think about that. I don't think about Tassajara. So I have this kind of one-track mind. I just settle in where I am and I don't think about it.

[05:20]

I remember when we moved here from Dwight Way. Dwight Way was this wonderful place that we built for 12 years before moving here. And I said, how could we ever leave this place? But we did. We bought this place. for $225,000 back in the day. And the day we left, I never thought about Dwight Way again. Anyway, so I'm going to be gone for that length of time, but we have great leadership here. We have the Vice Sabbath, who is now taking his leave of whatever you call it, until I'm gone and until I come back. So I'm sure everything will work just like it always has. So next thing is I want to, being the end of the year, I really want to acknowledge all of the work and all of the devotion and

[06:31]

willingness of the members to make this place work because this place only works through the actions of, through the cooperation of the members. The abbot sits up here and kind of turns around and hopefully, and then everybody else gets all the work. Of course, Suzuki Roshi asked me to take care of, you know, find a place and do something, but he didn't tell me what to do, and he wanted to see what we would do. The three places Genjoji in Sonoma, what Bill Kong, and Liz Kay in Haiku Zendo.

[07:41]

And we just said, you know, do something. So we did. And I organized this. Well, first of all, When somebody initiates a practice somewhere, usually that person does all the work. So I did the cooking, I did the cleaning, I did the arrangements, I cut the lawn and created a farm in the backyard. And little by little, other people came, the members came, and they started taking on various tasks. So the way I felt that the place would work, it's kind of like following the Tassajara model, a kind of combination of a monastic schedule with a rural or city

[08:53]

reality of how people could join in the continuous gyoji, gyoji meaning continuous practice of everyday Zazen, and little by little finding our way with the formal practice and the so-called informal way of our lives. But it's worked for, I think, 49 years? Is it 48? 48 years. 49. 67. 46. Something like that. Anyway, a long time. 47, next year. Okay, 47. Yeah, next year, 47. So, it's always worked. We've never had a big financial problem.

[10:04]

We've had financial difficulties, you know, everything is nothing smooth, but pretty smooth. That's because I don't know anything about money or finance. If I knew anything about money or finance, it never would have worked. True. Anytime somebody that knew something about money or finance took over, then we had a problem. So if you look at it from that point of view, you say, oh my God, how can this work? Better just forget about it. It works. So anyway, it's always worked. very careful to... I'm a kind of cheapskate, so that's one reason why it always works. And we never nickel-and-dime people for money. Only when we needed something did we ask for something, and it's always been... people have always generously offered, so it kind of works like that.

[11:15]

So, I want to talk about how this place actually works. This is the chart that shows what everybody does. everybody's position. So I always want, the way I organized, the way we organized the practice is that there are a lot of positions, and the positions is what keeps everything going in the circle of practice. So there's a board of directors, there are The abbot, the vice abbot, the president, the vice president, the treasurer, and six members at large, plus the recording secretary. Then there's the practice committee.

[12:26]

There's the abbot, the vice abbot, the coordinator, the assistant coordinator, the tenzo, the zendo manager, the office manager, the Saturday director, Then there's the finance committee of seven people. There's a development committee of seven people. There's the class coordinator called the communicator. Then there's the ethics and reconciliation committee of six people. There's the project management of seven people. 15 active practice leaders. There are 10 residents. There is the office manager. Then there is the maintenance person, the kitchen keeper, the head gardener, the dokusangha person who takes care of cleaning and so forth, the memorial garden person, the memorial garden altars, the art coordinator, the bathroom attendant, the community room, the community room altar, the community room

[13:42]

and safety manager, the sangha support person, the family practice, the shikha, the men's health shelter, dinner, which we serve twice a month, I think it is, the abbot's assistant, the webmaster, the audio archivist, the accounting consultant, the head dawan, the assistant zendo manager, the zendo manager, the head jikido, the head shiden, the assistant to the head the Saturday Lecture Scheduler, the Oryoki Instructor, the Oryoki Builder, so to speak, the Newsletter Editor, the Newsletter Distribution, the Librarian, the Sasen Instructor Coordinator, the Special Events Coordinator, and the IT Manager. The IT Manager, which has to do with the computers breaking down

[14:49]

So all this, you know, we want to give everybody something to do. When we plug somebody into doing something, just taking care of an altar, you know, I can't do much because I'm busy, just take care of an altar. There's so many components to making this practice work. It probably would work with none of that, but it wouldn't be the same. Because once we take on a piece of the practice, then we are connected to everything. And we practice from the point of view, or the placement of our position. So, the placement of our position means that if I'm the bathroom attendant, clean and the bathroom swept and all that.

[16:04]

But I can see the whole practice from the point of view of that position. And I'm contributing to the way the whole thing works. If you take one piece out, there has to be an adjustment to make everything work. On the vertical level, everybody is the same. Everything is equal. The bathroom attendant is equal to the abbot. Everyone, no matter what, whether it's a small position or a large position,

[17:11]

Everybody is the same. That's equality. On the vertical level, the hierarchical level, everyone is in a different place. So the abbot has his duties, the vascum attendant has their duties. So you can compare if you want. But comparison means value. Which is the most valuable? Is it the most valuable to be the abbot or is it most valuable to be the bathroom attendant? That's comparative value. So, in Tassajara, when we have a practice period, the shuso, or the head student, is the garbage man.

[18:16]

That's in order for people to understand that each position has its virtue and is incomparable to any other position. The prized position is being the garbage person, or being the person who does the compost. Before we had a big compost barn, it was cleaning the toilets. So the shiso cleans the toilets. That's the prized position. The fastest way to rise in hierarchy in Zen is to not want to be up there. to just take care of what's down here. Just taking care of what's down here without worrying about what's up there gets you up there faster. As long as you want to be up there, it won't work.

[19:21]

How come they never promote me? It's very difficult because everybody wants to be promoted. Where is it going? Where is that practice going? That's usual. In a worldly way, there's progress. But in Zen, there's not that kind of progress. There's progress, but that's not what progress is. Progress is in letting go, rather than accumulating. Building up our sense of self and our ego is frowned upon. The purpose of practice is to help everybody let go, to help everybody be themselves without being driven by their ego.

[20:30]

We talk about sometimes, some will say, when they're a little overbearing, they say, oh, it's the coffee talking. Oh, it's the wine talking. Actually, it's the ego's talking. We have this kind of problem. Oh, I think that would be good if someone said that. Oh, I'm sorry, it's just the ego talking. I can't help it. That would be very good. Because then you'd see where you are. But we all have our ego talk. You know, our ego want, our ego talk. I remember Suzuki Roshi beating up Phil Wilson, you know, with his stick. He said, Ego! Ego! Ego! So, we have a lot of people who have been here for a long time and been through all these positions.

[21:38]

Been through all the positions. work leader, zendo manager, sashin director, you know, all this, tenzo. And then what do you do? When you've been through all the positions, we change the positions every year or two years depending on the position. Rotating the positions is our practice. What do you do when you've done all the positions? Well, start again at the beginning. That's hard True. Big practice. Because once you've been up there, you think, that's up there. You start again cleaning the toilet. And then sometimes we think, well, I've done all that, so there's nothing more for me to do. I think we have to let go of that kind of idea. And just, you know, when we were practicing at Tatsahara,

[22:41]

At the beginning of every practice period, people would find out what their positions were. We'd read off the positions. Nobody knew what they were going to be. And whatever hand was dealt is the hand that we had to deal with. So that's really great practice. Whatever hand we're dealt is the one we have to deal with. We can't escape. We can't change it. We can't do something else. This is it. And this is Zen practice. Every one of us has dealt a hand in our life. And we can change, you know, but there are certain things that we can't change. And we just have to deal with those. And dealing with the things that we can't change is our practice. I remember Suzuki Roshi saying, the problem you have now is the problem you will always have. A weak person will always be a weak person.

[23:45]

A strong person will always be a strong person. Now, a weak person wants to be a strong person. But a strong person doesn't want to be a weak person. But actually, being a weak person is being a strong person. And sometimes being a strong person is being a weak person. Nishyari Boksan, in his commentary, on Ginja Koan said, I'm a very powerful person. When the wind blows, I fall down. That's a great statement. Nowadays, people say, would you like to do this? Would you please like to do that? What would you like to do? That's not Zen. That's just ordinary catering to people's desires.

[24:47]

Sometimes we'll ask for volunteers. Would somebody like to be a volunteer to do this or that? I see this happening in Tassajara too, I don't like it. Don't ask for volunteers. then, oh, well, there's his ego, right? And if you don't want to do it, that's your ego, too. So please do this. When you address somebody and ask them to do something, more likely they will say, gee, they think I'm capable. Somebody likes me, so they ask me to do something. That's much more workable. And even if you don't want to do it, you say, yes, and you do it. That's real practice. But in our practice, because people live at home, they have families, it's not a monastery, so we have to be much more accommodating to people's situations.

[26:07]

But still, we have to be careful and weigh things in the balance. You know, we have to weigh everything in the balance, and so we have to be very sensitive to everybody's practice. When we ask people to do something, we have to be very sensitive to where everybody is in their life. But that's good, because it sensitizes us to each other. instead of just ordering people around. You can get into where you're just ordering people around. That's the downside of just asking people to do something and expect you to say yes. The upside is that often we can do more than we think. When I was with my teacher, he always gently pushed us to our limit.

[27:11]

pretty amazing, actually. He was never forceful, but his gentleness was so forceful that he didn't push us around, but he pushed us further than we thought we could go. This is my gratitude to my teacher, is he always pushed me further than I thought I could go. You know, we brought out something. a place I never thought I could possibly go. Would you be so kind as to share one example of where your teacher encouraged you into a place that you didn't think you could go? Well, he wants to know how my teacher did that. So he wants an example. Mostly in Zazen. Because in Zazen, we're not supposed to move.

[28:12]

But even though we're not supposed to move, we still move, right? And he would say, even though I say don't move, it doesn't mean you shouldn't move. Nevertheless, he would say, in the middle of, he said, don't chicken out. He liked to use that as his colloquial borrowing. encouraged me to, even though I thought I could not do this, he encouraged me to go beyond what I thought I could do. So, until I could actually break through my conditioning. So our conditioning really holds us back. And when we sit Zazen, we let go of our conditioning, because our conditioning is what causes our problems, not Zazen.

[29:15]

We say, oh, Zazen is causing me this problem. But it's not Zazen that's causing you the problem. It's your conditioning that's causing the problem. So he encouraged me beyond my conditioning and also to to see one thing through to the end. So, when I think about what makes a practice place work, what makes a practice place work in a real good way, I mean in a workable way, is that somebody is totally dedicated to making that happen, unwaveringly. So, things may be up, things may be down, things may be good, things may be bad, things may be right, things may be wrong, but always there, always right in the middle, and not being pushed around by any of that.

[30:30]

That's what I got from my teacher. Do you have any questions? So if you have this kind of attitude, in your life. You always know where you are, in every circumstance, and you don't get lost.

[31:34]

And even if you do get lost, you get found. Even though we get pushed around this way and pushed around that way, and everything's You know, things are pulling us this way and things are pulling us that way. You're always there. Suzuki Hiroshi didn't go anywhere. He just came to San Francisco and discovered that there were people that wanted to do what he was doing. he devoted himself to letting that happen. And he didn't go anywhere. He just stayed there. And he just did the same thing every day. And I was so impressed with that because

[32:35]

And every day he did this continuous practice. Practice just was his life. So practice can be our life. It doesn't mean that we have to sit zazen and zendo every day. But there's the Buddha, the Dhamma, and the Sangha. And the Sangha life is what keeps everything together. Sangha life is For us, he said the most important part of that is Sangha, that we encourage each other. There are two kinds of Zen. One is adept Zen and the other is called religion, mercy Zen. Adept Zen is what we read about in books. a lot, which is spiritual virtuosos, which is for an elite kind of capable person, kind of like

[34:10]

basketball players, you know, or football players, people who can bicycle race, people who really can train and train and train and do some outstanding things. But religion, religion is for everybody. You don't have to be any special kind of person to practice. You don't have to have any ability at all. You don't have to be smart or you don't have to be capable. It's sometimes called mercy Zen, although I don't like that so much. It's practice for everybody. I remember Suzuki Roshi talking about the adept can really draw a straight line. kind of mind is okay and it's beautiful.

[35:19]

So, we have a kind of standard for beauty, but actually, in reality, everything is beautiful. Everybody has some beauty. To be able to see the beauty in every person has nothing to do with, it has to do with, that's what we call virtue. When we compare, this one is beautiful, that one is ugly, that's value. This one is more valuable than that one, because they have this, and this one has that. But we're all the same. Thank you. If you're introducing someone new to practice, what kind of, I want to say leeway, do you offer them because you know they're not yet confident and you don't want to scare them off?

[36:30]

Oh, well first of all, we show them how to sit dozen. And I always say, you should take the easiest posture. You should not try to sit in the full lotus. I showed them all the positions. This is the full lotus. This is the half lotus. This is the quarter lotus. This is the Burmese position. This is Seiza. I actually tried to get them to first cross their legs some way. This is campfire style, cowboy style. You know, you just sit with your ankles crossed around the campfire. But you should sit in any way that you can. You shouldn't try to push yourself. Including a chair? Yeah, you can sit in a chair. Yeah, of course. Yes, you can sit. But I don't offer that first. I don't say, well, you can... Because, although, you know, we don't want to hurt people. Try crossing your legs.

[37:32]

first try crossing your leg. You don't start with the easiest, with the default. You start with the practice and then you can lie down. So there's no special way except that the most comfortable way to sit, believe it or not, is in full lotus with your back straight. That's why we sit that way. It's the most comfortable way, but you don't know that until you've done it for a while. But you have to find your own comfort. You have to find your own position. It takes, you know, Suzuki Rishi used to say, oh, it takes about six months before you find your... but it could take a year or a couple of years or ten years before you actually find your posture. The thing is that it's never comfortable in the beginning. So, but, you know, little by little, you practice little by little, a little bit at a time, without trying to push yourself so that you ease into the practice.

[38:47]

So, yeah, that's, you know, I remember back in the 70s, of his students sit with full lotus and they all left and they all have broken ankles and stuff, you know. So they all hurt themselves because he forced them to do that. Nobody forced me to sit in full lotus, but I wanted to do it, so I did it after six months. I thought I'd been practicing for a long time. After six months, I thought, jeez, I've been doing this for a long time. Now I see people for a while, but little by little, it's always little by little. We don't jump off the tan when Samhsa is over. We take care of our body. Take care of your body. Ease into, when you sit down, you should do this, so that you're stretching your body and exercising your stretching.

[40:01]

should be done constantly. It's not something you do once in a while. You're doing it all the time. If you're practicing, you're stretching all the time. As you get older, the body implodes. When you're younger, you're jumping. And when you get older, you're settling. So, we tend to implode. And then you look at people and you say, oh, you're getting smaller. to keep stretching out and being loose. Being loose. Stretching and being loose. It's the secret of life. People say, oh yeah, I stretch. When do you do that? Oh, once in a while. I do this sometimes. That's not it. It has to be part of your life. It can't just be something extra. It has to be something that you do

[41:03]

as part of your life. Zazen has to be something that you do as part of your life. It can't just be something extra. In order to actually do it, it has to be fitted into your life. Just like, you know, you get up in the morning, go to the bathroom, get up in the morning, go to the bathroom, sit Zazen. That's number three. Just getting up, toes going to the bathroom, sitting Zazen. And then, you know, do whatever you want all day long. So it's really, fortunately, you know, we've developed this place so that people can come and sit Zazen together and practice together and learn what the Dharma is. So it's good to take advantage of that while you can.

[42:07]

So if I don't see you on New Year's Eve, I have a nice little break and see you next year.

[42:26]

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