Good morning. Today is the last talk of the year. And I wanted to comment on a talk of Suzuki Roshi. The content and the title, what we called this talk, was the boss of everything. Often Siddhartha Guruji would talk about, you should be the boss of everything.

[01:06]

But it's easy to misunderstand the meaning, what he means here. So he explains a bit about what he means by being the boss. I think being the boss means being free from things, not getting caught by anything. So he says, the reason we practice zazen is to be the boss of everything, wherever we are. But if I say so, it will create a misunderstanding that you are the boss of everything. It will create a misunderstanding that you are the boss of everything.

[02:09]

So, he's using the same terms, but it has, there are two different meanings to the same term. One is, the real boss, and the other is the ego boss. So when we say, when we think of, I am the boss of everything, usually we think of our ego as the boss. But he's talking about big mind as the boss, not small mind. So he says, when I say this, you may think, I am the boss, ego. When you understand in that way, ego, you exist as an idea in your mind, as me. That is not the you that we mean.

[03:15]

That is a delusion because the ideas you have are not well supported by your practice and you become enslaved by the idea of you and others. When the real power of practice is supporting your understanding, then you who is practicing our way is the boss of everything, the boss of yourself. So it's a little vague, the way he expresses himself, but his meaning is quite clear. When he means by your practice, When you are supported by practice, that's a different you than the usual you. We say the person who practices Zazen is not you.

[04:17]

The person who practices Zazen is Buddha. When someone is practicing Zazen, it's Buddha's practice, not my practice. We use the term my practice. We say, my practice, and then my practice, blah, blah, blah. But actually, it's not my practice. When we practice Zazen, it's Buddha's practice. Buddha is practicing Zazen. So we don't say, I hear the airplane. You can say that, but it's something happening in Buddha's mind. Big mind, big mind practices, zazen, not small mind. So if we understand in this way, then our practice, my small mind practice is supported by Buddha's mind, Buddha big mind.

[05:24]

because it's Buddha's big mind that's practicing zazen. So we let go of discriminating mind when we practice zazen, and Buddha mind naturally is there. That is why Buddha said to control yourself. The self you have to control is the deluded you, not the real you. So there's deluded you and real you. We say half me and half Buddha. Half ordinary being and half Buddha. I don't know what the proportion is exactly, but we're both Buddha and sentient ordinary person. So when Buddha leads, then we have practice. ordinary being becomes absorbed in practice.

[06:26]

So there's always this interaction between my ordinary self and big self, Buddha self, Buddha mind. And that interaction is going on all the time. And sometimes ordinary self wants to lead. And then we get into trouble. We let Buddha mind lead. So when Buddha mind leads, that's called practice. So he says, that is why Buddha said to control yourself. The self you have to control is the deluded you, not the real you. So the deluded you is ordinary being, and the real you is Buddha you. We say, well, my ordinary being is, ordinary mind is deluded? Yes. That's what's called delusion in Buddhadharma.

[07:33]

Our ordinary mind is called the mind of delusion because ordinary mind is deluded. Otherwise, it wouldn't be ordinary mind. So, but we say ordinary mind is the way as well. So we practice within delusion without criticizing our deluded mind. We simply accept it and offer it up to Buddha. We keep offering our deluded mind up to Buddha. And then we let Buddha lead. So we're always bowing to Buddha. Did you notice that? In our practice, we're always bowing. Always bowing means offering our deluded mind up to Buddha mind. That's what bowing is.

[08:35]

That's what zazen is. So when we bow, we let go of everything and offer ourself to Buddha. our own big mind. So that is why Buddha said to control yourself. The self you have to control is the deluded you, not the real you. You have an idea of who you are, and you are caught by the idea of who you are. You are enslaved by the deluded you, so you have difficulty or confusion. When these ideas are well controlled by the power of your practice, then that you is the boss of everything. So you let Buddha be the boss, in other words. Then even a confused mind will be supported by your practice. So if we really are dedicated to practice and are

[09:46]

bossed around by practice, bossed around by Buddha, my big mind. Even though you're confused, it's okay, because that confusion will actually help you. Confusion is important. Delusion is important. Delusion is the ground from which enlightenment comes forth. And confusion is the mind from which clarity comes forth. And practice is the cauldron in which our confusion is cooked and in which our delusion is cooked. And when we turn up the fire of practice under the cauldron, then delusion, confusion, this big stew, and we stir the stew, and pretty soon it becomes very tasty.

[10:49]

We say, mm, this is pretty nice. But it has to cook, it has to be well-cooked before that happens. Mrs. Ziegler, she always used to talk about, or often talked about, cooking, being cooked. Our practice is the pot in which we are all being cooked. So, this deluded mind, what is the deluded mind? The deluded mind is the mind which is caught by things. It's the ego mind, which stops short of freedom, which is caught short of freedom. Freedom, true freedom is to be free of everything. So when something wonderful comes, we accept it and let it go.

[11:59]

When something terrible happens, we accept it and let it go. because we have freedom. When we're caught by something wonderful, it may look good, it may look like something that we want, but we can enjoy it and let it go. When something painful comes, we can be painful and let it go, but we always let it go, always returning to our original mind. So when we get caught by something, then our original mind is obscured. The clarity of our original mind is the most valuable thing. But we take pebbles, colorful rocks, and think that they're jewels. And then we, again,

[13:01]

established in that way and lose our freedom. So the sixth ancestor in the Platform Sutra talks about saving all sentient beings. How do we save all sentient beings? He says, it doesn't mean that I, Huineng, or Daikon Eino as we know him in Japanese, is going to personally save all sentient beings, to save you. He said, it means to save the sentient beings of my own mind, the delusive mind. I wrote down a list of minds because mental states, we live in mental states. And when we are attached to a mental state, that is who we are at that moment.

[14:07]

So I thought about what sentient beings of our own mind we get caught by. And the clinging mind. Clinging mind is the mind which always needs an object to settle on and grab onto for safety. If we don't have something to settle on, then we swim around in the ocean of unsettledness. Restlessness, that's restless mind. We get caught by restless mind, which is an obstacle. And then we look for something to hang on to, and it doesn't matter what it is. We grab onto it, and it's safety for now. and then we cling to it and get attached to it. But then it always becomes unsatisfactory. But if we don't have something else, that's all we have, then we cling to it.

[15:18]

And that obscures our clear mind. So there's the angry mind. Anger is often a state of mind and it looks for an object to cling to. Anger is kind of self-fulfilling in a way because it's an outlet. Anger builds up through various causes and Because it's a release, we can express anger as a release, we become accustomed to releasing our emotions through anger. So often we have anger, but we don't necessarily have an object. And so we look for an object to be angry with, and something will come along.

[16:21]

And then it gives us the opportunity to release through anger and it's kind of like orgasmic. So we become attached to releasing our emotions through anger in the same way that we would release our emotions through sex. They're very related, quite related. Then there's the resentful mind. Resentful, you know, Resentment creates self because you did this to me. Well, so often we get caught by resentment because resentment has some satisfaction in it. So we look for things to be resentful about and we find them easily.

[17:26]

and it gives us the satisfaction of vengeance. You did this to me, you did this to me. So we can express our hurt. And so as human beings, we do hurt. We hurt emotionally, we hurt psychically. And so if we find the source of that hurt, then we can feel some satisfaction. But instead of looking at ourself, we find it outside of ourself. We really hurt because of our own attitudes. But we are always looking outside of ourself for the source. So, we find it in resentment. And then there's the divisive mind, which is oppositional.

[18:37]

We have to be, if someone takes a position, we always have to take an opposite position, because it's hard for us to connect with another. So this is an obscure divisive mind, You know, it's kind of argumentative. And then there's the avaricious mind, of course, which always wants to collect things, always wants to take and sit on our fortune. You know, When we want things, we become attached to them. And whatever it is that we have a desire for claims us. So our minds become cling to whatever it is that we're attached to, and that has us.

[19:54]

So we become captivated by whatever it is that we reach for. And then we get caught. And anger is the same thing. When we become angry, we become attached. We become caught by whatever it is that we're angry at. So freedom is to not get caught by what it is that we're dealing with. And how do we let go of that? So there's the dependent mind, which is always leaning on something and can never find its own balance. Because we lean on something, we can't find our own balance. Zazen is to not lean on anything. Practice is to not lean on things so that we can find our own balance and we always know where we are. Then the argumentative mind.

[20:55]

which can never settle with anybody. Always have to create a dissonance because harmony is too hard to bear. In this world, actually, harmony is too hard to bear. So we always have to create a dissonance or a war or something. and critical mind, and then there's lustful mind, backbiting mind, defensive mind, protective mind, evasive mind. So, the list just goes on and on. And we get all of these dharmas are vehicles for attachment.

[21:58]

And we get caught by them all the time. So he says, sounds come to your ears when you are practicing zazen. He's talking now about what we do when we're practicing zazen. Sounds come to your ears when you're practicing zazen. You may hear various voices. And sometimes you may have various ideas in your mind. So this is a usual thing. But if your practice is good, your practice owns or includes the things you hear and the images you have. They are a part of you. Your practice is strong enough to have them, to own them without being enslaved by them. Then as you have your own hands, I'm sorry, to own them without being enslaved by them as you have your own hands and eyes. In other words, we talk about this all the time as zazen, to allow everything to come in and allow everything to leave, and at the same time to acknowledge what's there. When thoughts come up, they are just thoughts.

[23:07]

When feelings come, they're just feelings. They're not good, they're not bad, they're not right, they're not wrong, they just are. But we start judging. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, my thoughts. I shouldn't have these thoughts. I shouldn't have these feelings. Or I should have these thoughts. I should have these feelings. This is all our ways of attachment. The same goes with pleasure and pain. We become attached to pleasure. We become attached to pain. We want to keep the pleasure and we want to get rid of the pain, but life is 50-50. You can't have one without the other. Sometimes it looks like the left hand and the right hand are not cooperating when you're holding something, but they're trying to do something. When you are really the boss of everything, even though it looks like confusion, it is not confusion.

[24:15]

It may look like you're doing something wrong, and people may say, oh, she's doing something wrong. But that is their understanding. You are not doing anything wrong because you own everything, and you are managing things as you manage your own hands. That's an interesting, maybe confusing, But what he's saying is that things are just the way they are. In big mind, things are just the way they are. Small mind creates problems around things that are just the way they are. And people judge. But actually, in the realm of practice, things are just the way they are. You are letting yourself be with everything and letting things be as they want to be. That's the power of practice.

[25:17]

And that is quite different from doing something wrong. Someone doing something wrong may suffer, but for you, there is no suffering. You are just managing things in some way as your own. You know, the way to see a person's real practice, when you see a person who's been practicing for a long time, and they don't seem to get disturbed by things. There's maybe some disturbance, but someone with the ability to let things come, deal with them, and let them go, and not be stuck anywhere. no matter what it is. Tragic things happen, wonderful things happen, but these are just things that are happening, and we thoroughly deal with them without being caught by anything.

[26:31]

When it's time to cry, you just cry. When it's time to laugh, you just laugh. and then go on to the next thing. Suzuki Roshi, in one of these talks, he talks about freedom from attachment as like a woman carrying a jug of water on her head, walking down the street from the creek going home. and the jug falls off her head and falls down on the ground and crashes, and she just keeps walking. She doesn't turn around and say, oh, I dropped the jug. She just keeps walking, just keeps going on. The precepts should also be observed in this way. You observe precepts not because you have to follow Buddha's words, but to extend true practice into your everyday life, or to settle yourself on yourself.

[27:44]

To settle yourself on yourself, this is a term that Kadagiri used a lot. To settle small self on big self. So, And Suzuki Roshi often talks about sitting in the palm of Buddha's hand. That self includes everything. Sometimes we say that to extend your practice into everyday life is to be completely involved in your activity, or to be one with things. But that is not always so clear. The problem with that is that when you say that being caught up with baseball mania or infuriated with gambling, or I'm sorry, infatuated with gambling is the same as practice, but that practice is not practice because you are enslaved by it.

[28:53]

You are not the boss of gambling. Gambling is the boss of you. Your practice is not working. You are enslaved by something which you create in your mind. Your mind whirls on and creates some delusion. You have a gaining idea or a playful speculative idea, that's all. So you are enslaved by yourself and by gambling. You are not practicing Zazen at all. You are not the boss. You do not own your mind. And you do not even own your legs. Because as soon as you get up, your legs want to go to Reno. Your practice does not support your legs. That's the difference. So to be one with something does not mean to be caught by it. You are caught when you become a member of something in your mind. I don't know what he's talking about. You create something interesting in your mind. You become very suggestible and feel the zeal to be a member of some group you have in your mind.

[30:01]

You are enslaved by it, even though you have nothing besides what you created in your mind. There is no practice, nothing, which is supporting you. You are not the boss and you even lose yourself. That's the difference. I don't know what groups he's talking about. But I remember him saying, what we do is not group practice. People think, well, when you practice Zazen together, it's group practice. It's not group practice. Group practice is more like the military or some political organization or something like that. I think that's what he's talking about. So we say, to practice Zazen without any gaining idea, without any purpose, Let things work as they do, supporting everything as your own. Real practice has orientation or direction, but it has no purpose or gaining idea. So even though there's no purpose or no gaining idea, there's still a way to go.

[31:06]

Remember, even though there's no self, there still are some rules. We still have to abide by the rules, even though there's no self. So real practice has orientation or direction, but it has no purpose or gaining idea, so it can include everything that comes. Whether it is good or bad doesn't matter. If something bad comes, okay, you're a part of me. And if something good comes, oh, okay, Because we do not have any special goal or purpose or practice, it doesn't matter what comes. Hell is just another place to practice. If everything we do is practice, then we don't get upset, even though we get upset. So since it includes everything, we call it big mind.

[32:21]

Whatever it is, it is included within us, and we own it. So we call it big mind, or purposeless purpose, or tongueless tongue. Even though I talk about something, there is no purpose. I'm talking to myself because you are a part of me, so I have no purpose in my talk. Something is going on, that's all. It goes because of the real joy of sharing your practice with everything. So, it's not like I am talking to you, I'm talking to myself. Because there's no division between myself and you. It's true, I'm really talking to myself. When you practice Zazen, everything practices Zazen. Everything you have is practicing Zazen. Buddha practices Zazen, Bodhidharma practices Zazen, and everything practices Zazen with you. This is a fundamental understanding of our practice.

[33:25]

Everything in the universe is practicing Zazen all the time together. So it's not some special practice. This is how you help others. Well, he says, and you share the practice with everything. Zazen happens in that way. Our real life happens in that way. Our real bodhisattva way happens in that way. That is how you help others. To help others means to share your practice with people. We share our practice with children and with people on the street. Even though they do not practice Zazen, we can share the practice because if I see people, they are already here. and I practice Zazen with them, with the sound of the car, with everything. You know, if you are a settled student, Zen student, even though people do things that would ordinarily make you angry, you don't become attached to that anger because you're more concerned about the person that's

[34:40]

you see the problem, whose problem you see, then you are with your own resentments or your own anger. So this is called compassionate practice because there's no self to get tangled up with things. Although resentment arises, it doesn't stick. Although anger arises, it doesn't stick. What does stick is compassion. So if someone asks me why I practice, I may answer that it is to have a well-oriented mind.

[35:43]

In Japan, children have a Bodhidharma toy. Do you know the toy? It's made of paper, and even though you push it over, it will stand back up. There's a big weight on the bottom. You push it over. That's practice. You cannot keep, so we say we can't keep a good person down. Boom, it comes back up. So it doesn't lay down and cry. Just gets back up and keeps going. This is well-oriented practice. People enjoy tossing the toy around because wherever it goes, it will stand back up. That is a good example of our practice. And it's a good example of composure and creating harmonious field. If you're a Buddhist priest, you should be creating a harmonious field around yourself.

[36:48]

That's your life. We cannot find where the self is. If you say, here is my mind, that is already an idea of self. It's not, we can't find our mind. We can't find our self. Where will you point to? You think this is my mind, but that's my brain. But if you want to point to your mind, just point anywhere. There it is. It is here instead of there. You think your mind is in your head, but where is it? No one knows. So our practice is to be with everything. Without being enslaved by it, you are able to share your practice with everything. That is how you establish yourself on yourself. You are ready to include everything.

[37:54]

When you include everything, that is the real self. This is the goal of practice. Not some special thing, but to see reality everywhere. To see yourself, your true self. To be the boss means to let Buddha be the boss, not ego be the boss. When Buddha is the boss of everything, there's nothing to worry about. even though there may be things to worry about. Do you have a question?

[38:56]

Richard. And so, we have two ideas about what Zazen was. We have this idea of sitting down with the idea of coming up with a plan for the day, and the other of maybe just sitting. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Well, if you sit down for Zazen and your mind creates a plan for the day, then this is creating a plan for the day within Zazen. But if you purposely continue to build on that idea, then you're creating a plan for the day instead of sitting zazen.

[40:07]

It's the continuation. It's how you develop something. So that's volition. Whereas the plan for the day comes up in your mind You don't say, well, I'm going to sit here. It usually just comes up. So it's not volitional thinking. It's simply thoughts that come up. So when you're finished, plans for the day don't take very long. I mean, you don't think on every little thing. But, okay, I've thought of my plan for the day. Then you let go of it and continue sitting zazen. But if you simply dwell on creating more and more scenario, then you're creating a scenario instead of sitting zazen. Well, as you sit down and you find yourself thinking about your plans for the day, do you just let your mind go, continue on with plans for the day, or do you say, okay, I want to come back to the center, I want to rest?

[41:18]

allows this thought to come up. And then when mindfulness realizes that that's happening, you have a choice. I'll just finish this thought and then continue, or I'll just let it go now. We think, worst thing is to judge your state of mind. when you start judging your state of mind, that's creating a dualistic, duality in your mind, judgment. So, thoughts, when the thought of creating your daily schedule, whatever, your plan for the day is there, when that's gone, some other thought will appear. There's rarely a time when there's no thought in your mind.

[42:26]

There's rarely a time when no thought is appearing. So this just happens to be the thought of, and the reason that we take this up as, maybe that's not zazen, is because it's planning your day. But some other thought will come up and take over your consciousness. But, so, that's, every thought that comes up is the subject of zazen at that moment. It's not a bad thought or a wrong thought. It's not a good thought or a constructive thought. It's simply this thought. If you see it as this thought, then that's called being one with your activity. But if we think, I shouldn't have any thoughts in my mind, That's dualistic thinking. The nature of the mind is to produce thoughts.

[43:29]

That's what it does. It's a powerhouse. Creative thinking is a powerhouse. And the thought of stopping thoughts is a thought. So we think the thought of Zazen. We say, don't think in Zazen. That's not right. We think the thought of Zazen, which is like this. Go over, so when a thought comes up in your mind, like planning your day, okay, get it over with. And then come back and check all the points of your posture. That's what you do in Zazen. Thinking the thought of Zazen is to check all the points of your posture to see if you're really sitting Zazen or to see if whoever it is that you are is sitting Zazen correctly.

[44:39]

And you keep correcting the posture or realigning the posture, harmonizing the posture with the breath. That's what you do with your mind. You put your mind to work, rather than just letting it go off. You're putting your mind to work. You say, this is the job of my mind. It has a position here. It's not just, what am I going to do with this thing? It has a job. You put it to work, focusing on posture and breathing. And you just keep working, because posture is changing all the time. This is the subject. Right, the body. That's the mind and the body are one. When the mind and the body are one, that's good, that's zazen. So always access, trying to access zazen, but then there's all this imaginative stuff going on. And so bringing the attention back means giving the mind a task so that it doesn't get, you know,

[45:49]

called off or, you know, just wander around. It's called training, mind training, to keep the attention on the posture and the breathing. And of course it wanders. Like, you know, for 30 years I was, I practiced on Mount Guishan. But all I did was, I didn't, I ate Guishan's food, and I shit Guishan's shit, and all I did was tend to a water buffalo. And he'd run off into people's fields, and I'd pull him back, and he would do all these things, and I'd pull him back. 30 years, and no matter what I did, he always wanted to go off on his own. But now, he's just always standing in front of my face, and even if I push him away, he won't go. Great story.

[46:51]

Yes? Okay. Little choo choos. Yes, well, so mechanically, you know, it's important to avoid being mechanical. But, you know, we have trains of, there are trains of thought and there are loops of thought. You know, over and over, the same loop keeps going on obsessively, but

[47:53]

Those get into the background. You don't have to get caught by them. Colleen? There may not be enough time to answer this question, but if I understood you correctly, it sounded like you said that the mind of anger is similar to the mind of sex or sexual energy. Well, in expression. in its expression? In its unloading. You know, when we express anger, it's like, whew, you know, this kind of, when it's expressed in a strong way. And we get caught by, we get, you know, since it's a release, in a sense a release, it builds up. and then there's a release.

[48:55]

You said that harmony is hard to bear. Well, it's not hard for everyone to bear, but I don't know how I can explain that exactly. Well, I wouldn't say that exactly. I mean, I can understand what you mean by that. But I think everybody all over the world is the same in some way. I think it's hard to bear because When there's harmony, it cuts down on our individuality.

[50:05]

Harmony cuts down on our ego. In order to create a harmonious situation, we have to give something, we have to let go of something. and find our place in a scheme of things by not standing out in some way. You know, in the Zen Do, I think it's very important if everybody dresses the same way, like when you have a zendo, it's all monks, or, you know, during Sashin, everybody wears dark clothes, you know. But everyone's face stands out as an individual. But at the same time, there's a harmony in because we're all dressed in the same way. And so we've all given up some kind of individuality, you know, reds, this, and, you know, my favorite shirt, and stuff like that.

[51:17]

So, And so it's hard to bear harmony in a lot of situations because everyone wants to have their own thing. So I think like what you said, in America especially. Ross? You said that this toy in Japan... Bodhidharma. Yeah, and it comes back up. Thermadil. So there's a feeling of like uprightness is something to kind of maintain or come back to. That's what we talk about in our practice. And we also talk about the four noble positions, standing, walking, sitting, and lying down. And so when we get knocked down by circumstances of life, whatever they happen to be, with the other three positions?

[52:21]

It's not. Zazen is not one of the four positions. So it's more conventional, everyday sitting, finding ease in each position you take? There are the four positions, walking, standing, sitting, and lying down, which are kind of normal things. And so in our everyday life, When we lie down, when we're tired and lie down, if all we do is within the realm of practice, then lying down is sitting up. So you're practicing when you're sleeping. You're practicing when you're lying down. It's called tzazen. because whatever you do is in the realm of practice.

[53:25]

When you have confusion, it's within the realm of practice. It's not just confusion. If whatever you do is within the realm of practice, then whatever happens doesn't have the same effect as when you're not. the sleep or rest or whatever, that that is in fact a noble position, because it's upright, versus being encouraged to lie down, or because you've been pushed or pricked or what have you. Well, you know, when you have yourself, whatever happens to you cannot ultimately harm you. When you really have your own self, no matter what's taken away from you, or what comes to you, they can't take that, nothing can take that away. That's called enlightenment.

[54:26]

Nothing can take that away. Somebody can come chop you into little pieces, but they cannot destroy you. I think it was Crooked Cucumber. He said that when Suzuki Roshi found out that he had cancer, And people were very sad. He said, don't worry about me. I know who I am. Yeah, that's right. You said that Bodhidharma pops up and doesn't lie down and cry. Doesn't lie down and cry. He can lie down and cry if he wants. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. I saw him cry. Yeah, it's OK. But he doesn't dwell in crying. He doesn't get overwhelmed. and say, I'm just gonna cry for the rest of my life. And be upright at that same moment. Yes, that's right. Within his crying is uprightness. Sonia.

[55:38]

Christmas Day is, the day was earthquake last year. and Iran and then children they lost the family the parents so they have announced this day Christmas Day as a celebration day so they are inviting the universe to celebrate with them and my question is what is in their mind they have nothing, and still they don't have a home. These children still, they don't have a home, and they never accepted, the whole city never accepted these children to be adopted or to be orphaned yet. That's true generosity. By children?

[56:40]

True generosity. To give when you have nothing. I used to know this guy who would send money to the wealthiest people and send a dollar bill. Because they're the people that want all this. Give them what they want. I've often thought of doing that myself. I think I understand what you're saying. Do you think I do? All children are like that? All what? All children are like that? They're deep? They're generous? I think so. Yeah. I think so.

[57:44]

Not all of them. Children tend to be... You know, innocence is generosity. Because, you know, the loss of innocence means acquisitiveness. Right? As soon as you start becoming inquisitive, you lost your innocence. Innocence means purity. So the energy, possibly, the energy of that birthday, possibly, that is, you know, nothing to be, think of something, it just, the whole thing, it just puts me in question, because it's amazing. They're doing three days celebration. Yeah, I think that's great. That's how you bring harmony and peace into the world. You don't dwell on your own, you don't dwell on your own suffering, but you offer something.

[58:47]

If you want to stop obsessing with your own suffering, help somebody. Jesus.

[59:16]

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