Thank you, Lori. Well, welcome everybody. It's nice to see everybody on this very chilly day with imminent rain, which is welcome. Especially coming out, this was a There's a lot happening that we've just had our holiday and we have rahatsu about to start, so I appreciate the efforts to get here. I want to start by thanking Sojin Roshi, my teacher. I'm very grateful to be practicing with you. This morning, I'm going to talk about body practice. And after this talk, we're going to chant the bodhisattva vows. The first one is, beings are numberless, I vow to awaken with them. And Hu Neng, our sixth ancestor, is reported to have said, beings in my mind are numberless, I vow to awaken with them. And I think we could say the same about our bodies.

[02:09]

I vow to awaken with all parts of them. A body we could see as our home. It's what physically places us out in this world. And on the one hand, it's a very complex system physiologically. Things are still being discovered and trying to figure out exactly how things work. But it's also the way we express our life. And we do this every day, moment to moment. as we all know this is the season of gratitude right now and I'm grateful for many things but today I'm going to talk about being grateful to have a body. And I'm grateful just mainly that it just gets me up in the morning and I get to come out and come here and be with all of you and all the other things that happen day to day that our body is what helps us move along in life.

[03:12]

But what is it really? And often I think our culture thinks the body is something that is there that we, you could say we kind of use it as we go about our lives. It's something that serves us. And it's more like our mind is what's in charge. And sometimes we just take the body for granted. A lot of us live mostly in our heads, I think, and don't always pay much attention to the body in really deeper ways to really feel it and get to know it. Sometimes we get concerned with the appearance of our bodies or our health, how things are happening. And we try to maintain our bodies by getting checkups, trying to eat healthfully, get some exercise. But sometimes you could say this almost sounds like, you know, maintaining your car, you know. We do it to keep it going and to serve us. So sometimes this can feel like the body is an object, you know, and we're just trying to take care of it, but for our own good.

[04:22]

And it's not always to just really enjoy. really the privilege to be in the body and how it works and figuring all that out. The other side of the coin, which maybe we're not thinking of using the body for healthful ways, is that we might abuse it with food or drink or drugs. And that's still treating our body as an object, just one that we're kind of dismissing as not being very important and just a means to kind of escaping. But the truth is the body is not really a thing. It's not an it. In Buddhism we have the term skandhas. And some of you are very familiar with this, but maybe others aren't so much. The skandhas are... they're defined as the five aggregates or streams or they're really the components that make up our bodies.

[05:34]

And they are form, perception, feelings, mental formations and consciousness. And these components, these skandhas all coexist together interacting and becoming what we call the self. They're not separate or permanent because they're always changing and they're changing together as they're interacting moment to moment. This is what we call emptiness. None of these have their own being. They're all this flow of constant change. So then what is the body? It's just the interaction of all these things. It's the constant interaction of the five skandhas with each other, with everything around them in the whole world. And so every moment we're co-arising together, exchanging parts of ourselves with everything and everyone around us. This is a very intimate activity because we're actualizing our connection with all beings.

[06:43]

and it's what we call our bodies, ourselves. Calling this an activity denotes movement and flow and change happening all at once. Nothing stays the same. So the body is very dynamic. The way everything changes is apparent as we live our lives, our human lives, in our own body and being with other people too. Sometimes we may experience ups and downs of well-being and good fortune, but we're all going to experience illness, old age and death. And this is what the Buddha discovered as a young man. He began his life living in a palace with his family, but his father kept him indoors all the time. He didn't want him exposed to the harsh realities of what was outside the palace out in the streets in the town.

[07:48]

So as he got older though, Prince Adolfo started thinking that this was, something was missing. This wasn't everything to it. So one day he did go outside and for the first time he saw a sick person, an old person, and a corpse. And his servant was with him. And he explained that people do, everyone grows old and gets ill and will die. And this is all a revelation. And then sometime later, Siddhartha left the palace and his family and went out into the world and lived pretty much as a wandering ascetic for quite a while and sought to figure out what was reality, what was his path, and eventually he became what we call the Buddha.

[08:51]

So he saw the impermanence of the body in these three forms. And this impermanence is one of our basic tenets in Buddhism, as you may know, and we live with this every single day. About two years ago, I began noticing a tremor in my right hand and arm. And this seemed to happen all of a sudden, just out of the blue. And a few months later, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I remember being surprised, curious, and humbled, kind of all at the same time. And I had to learn to pay attention to my body and mind in new ways. Now my body-mind was interacting with medications, physical therapy, and new views about how I and others were seeing me.

[09:59]

Living in a human body became really vivid, much more so. And taking care of myself became this open, fluid question. Like, each day, what does that mean? Most of the time I see living with this as a practice of attention and response. I notice symptoms and then I just keep them in mind as information, trying not to judge. The days can vary. Some days I feel bright and strong and I can hike several miles and step over rocks and streams. And then other days I might feel kind of wobbly and fuzzy-minded. distressed and just need to kind of lay low that day. But I'm still inhabiting my body and responding to situations as they arise. Darlene Cohen was a Zen priest who practiced with the San Francisco Zen Center.

[11:10]

Some people here practiced with her more directly. She had rheumatoid arthritis for much of her adult life, and she learned to practice with it and developed strategies for cultivating body awareness and dealing with pain. And she shared her experiences in several books. One of the things she said was, healing yourself is just like living your life. It's not preparation for anything else, nor a journey to another situation called wellness. It is its own self. It has its own value. It is each thing as it is. Soon after my diagnosis, my youngest sister was diagnosed with cancer. This was a very different type of situation. I took her a number of times to her chemo sessions and became familiar with that process. and with the infusion center itself and the staff and the patients.

[12:13]

You start seeing the same people going weekly. And I shared this, doing this with both Jake and my sister, my other sister who lived nearby. These trips became fairly routine. with the scheduling was very much just a kind of a concrete process and then the actual infusions are pretty much the same each time. But always present was the reason why most of the people were there. Birth and death were just very present. I think I do need my glasses. Speaking of bodies. And the truth was all these people were completely alive and ordinary, just taking care of themselves. Darlene Cohen again says, even if your body is weak or painful, it is still your home.

[13:20]

It's how you're manifesting your life. From the practice point of view, it's also your penetration into reality. Your body is the only way that you can experience the transparency of all things and their interrelationships. One way we practice this here is Zazen, our seated meditation. It's the core of our Zen practice and it's very much a body practice. We sit down, we establish our posture, we pay attention to our breath, We're sitting upright and sometimes we sit on cushions, sometimes a chair, sometimes a bench. And we have, for the posture, we have very specific instructions about how we arrange our legs, our feet, our torso, our arms, our hands, our head. And then we'll just pay attention and listen to each body part. And even though we sit many periods of Zazen, each time we sit down, it's a new fresh experience.

[14:29]

We follow our breath and we release thoughts when they come up. We cannot really control our breath and thoughts, but we can adjust our posture. I've heard Sogen say this many times. It's something that we can keep coming back to over and over. If we slump, we straighten up our back. If we find that we're being tense, we can scan our bodies to see where is that coming from, and then try to let that go as we continue to sit. So we're really paying attention in our body, and that's the practice that we're doing. Siddhasana has been challenging for me lately in that I can't maintain a completely still body. Parts of my body may just move randomly, which I can experience sometimes as unsettling and distracting. I'd like to be sitting still.

[15:33]

At some point I decided to focus on my spine. It keeps me upright. And I imagine that my backbone is like a tree or a pillar with being sinking into the ground, being well rooted in the earth, and then sitting up straight, my head's reaching up towards the sky, and that helps me. That's encouragement for me to keep that core. stable and still. So my limbs may flutter but my core is sitting up straight and that just keeps me going during a period of Zazen. I'm one of the Zazen instructors here and also at the Zendo in Pleasant Hill. One time I was giving instruction to a small group, and we always start with talking about posture, and we talk about breath and thoughts, and then we sit for a few minutes. Afterwards, I asked the group, how was it for them, and if they had any questions.

[16:42]

And one person said that she noticed that I had some movements while I was sitting. She asked me if that was a technique that I could teach her. She said she had trouble sitting still. And she was very sincere. So I smiled inwardly and said that I talked about the importance of sitting still and why I wasn't, and that I wished I could. So I encouraged her to keep on with the practice paying attention to your body and eventually you do settle down. There are days when it's just really hard for anybody to sit still and it varies. I think most people here have experienced that. Recently I found this talk from Suzuki Roshi that he gave in 1970 at Tassajara. He said, check to see that each part of your body is doing Zazen independently.

[17:50]

This is also known as Shikantaza. To think I am doing Zazen or my body is doing Zazen is wrong understanding. It is a self-centered idea. Don't move your legs for your own convenience. Your legs are practicing their own Zazen independently and they are completely involved in their own pain. They are doing Zazen through pain. You should allow them to practice their own Zazen. If you think you are practicing Zazen, you are involved in some selfish, egotistical idea. If you think that you have some difficulty in some part of your body, then the rest of the body should help that part that is having difficulty. You are not having the difficulty with some part of your body, but the part of your body is having difficulty. For example, your mudra is having difficulty. Your whole body should help your mudra do zazen. The entire universe is doing zazen in the same way that your body is doing zazen.

[18:54]

When all parts of your body are practicing zazen, then that is how the whole universe practices zazen. Each mountain and each river is going and flowing independently. All parts of the universe are participating in their practice. Thus, the whole universe practices independently. And here, there are also other body practices that we do. Two of them are bowing and kinhyin, which is our walking meditation. We bow by being fully present in the body that we have at that moment. And as we mindfully lower our body, either in a full prostration or a standing bow. During King Hyun we walk and we notice our feet with each step and our breath at the same time. For both of these practices we have to have the body in mind at that time and our movements can vary but we always have the intention to follow the forms and to do these activities completely.

[20:05]

In the Genjo Koan, Dogen says, a fish swims in the ocean, and no matter how far it swims, there's no end to the water. A bird flies in the sky, and no matter how far it flies, there's no end to the sky. However, the fish and the bird have never left their elements. When their activity is large, their field is large. When their need is small, their field is small. Thus, each of them totally covers its full range, and each of them totally experiences its realm. These words have always been important to me. Living with wholehearted intention and expression is a complete experience. When I was teaching kids with disabilities who had various strengths and limitations, my task was to find ways for them to learn and also to participate with their typical peers. And what and how these students learned can look very different from kids without disabilities.

[21:14]

So there was a lot of adapting curriculum, materials, just how things happened. But they were totally covering their field and having a complete experience. This was adaptation. So there's always going to be change in this world and we all experience the changes in our bodies and seek ways to adapt. Adaptation is a response to a change in a situation or a person. And we're taught that wholehearted activity is the most important thing along with awareness of our orientation and direction. adaptation is making it possible for people to participate in activities that they might need to do in a way that's different from the usual way, but still be meaningful and important to them. In a Zen practice, it could mean maybe we don't sit as long as we used to, either for each period or the number of periods of Zazen we can do in a row.

[22:19]

In Zendo, sometimes people may need to wear slippers or some other kind of footwear just to do kin-hen or if they're servers. All of those things are ways to adapt. And our Hatsu Sashin begins on Monday, two days from now. And the Sashin, we do set for another period of Zazen. And also, it might be assigned to do Some important tasks around the Zendo as part of what's happening each day. We might be assigned to sound the bells or the drum. Maybe we'll be in the kitchen chopping vegetables or sweeping the patios or washing dishes or serving meals. And these are all activities, again, that we have an occasion to be fully present in our bodies. and be mindful of how we're doing things with our movements and our interactions. And of course this is true in our everyday lives outside the gate and out in the world.

[23:31]

In Zen Mind Beginner's Mind Suzuki Roshi encourages us to carry this posture that we're talking about out into the world as we do anything. To stay upright with the intention of being fully present with whatever we do. And then when we have interactions with other people, we try to remember to bring awareness to both our bodies and our minds at that moment. And we can sense how other bodies of whoever we're talking about, how they're feeling and try to respond accordingly. We adjust, sometimes we need to adjust our personal space and notice whether we feel at ease with this person or if there's some tension. So we get a feedback from our bodies as we live our lives. I wanted to close with this poem from Mooney, which may be familiar to you.

[24:33]

This being human is a guest house, every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a leanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all, even if there are a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture. Still, treat each guest honorably, He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door, laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. So I would very much like to hear what you do for in this realm of being with your body and practicing with it, in living your life.

[25:46]

Just hear what you have to say. So, but thank you very much. Hmm. Yeah. That's great. You know, I agree. I don't know whether I can come up with the little phrases that I keep in mind too, but sometimes there's something that just resonates with you and that probably resonates with all of us in terms of just that connection, right?

[26:50]

And expounding is a verb, right? It's a doing. It's not just thinking about it. It's taking some action too. Yeah. Thank you for that. Sue? Uh-huh. To get into the body, you just do what you're doing every day. Having some physical activity to get some tired and relaxed. That deep pause, that relaxation.

[27:52]

Everything settles. Mm-hmm. Yeah, thank you. I agree with all that, too. This past year, I've been taking a Tai Chi class. I started in January, and it's something I'd always wanted to do. And it's very challenging. It would have been challenging for me 10 years ago, because there's very careful movements and how you do things. But one of the things that just sticks with me is that the teacher says, every time you're going to move your feet, place your foot before you put weight on it and I thought there's something in there that I think means more than just about your foot and it just means you're just really paying attention to your body and often are doing the things that your legs are doing and your arms are completely different which

[28:54]

you know, throw me all the time. Like I have to write one up and they'll switch. But yeah, those kinds of things are really helpful. And then the opposite too, the really doing things that exhaust the body and just you feel like you've, whatever it is, if you've hiked all day and just, yeah, I like that feeling too, so thank you. Yes, hi Patrick. I don't draw a line between my body bodies that I encounter physically, mainly inanimate, but where I get my bit of a sense of my body is working with elemental things, like stone. I was working this morning with some stones out here in the stream back here, and I was trying to think about where places stone, but so many possibilities, my mind doesn't really serve me very well with that kind of elemental relationship.

[30:04]

So my hands just started engaging the stone and dropping it in different ways and finally, not finally, it's a groove that just dropped into place. And I lived through that. Yeah, that's wonderful. Thank you very much. Lori? I'd like to add to this the element of emotion is something that I notice a lot is I mean I have to learn this over and over that an emotion that I'm trying to push away or that's not comfortable if I feel it in my body it's actually not pain, it's not physical pain Thank you.

[31:34]

I agree. It's a body experience, these feelings and emotions we have, so I'm really glad you brought that up. Thank you. So, Jyotsi, I meant to ask you earlier and I forgot, so do you have any comments on this? Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It is. That's our practice. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Ron? Well, sometimes

[32:42]

I'm missing out on doing something that I planned that day. So it's not so bad when it's something I was just going to do myself. I mean, that's still, it's disappointing and frustrating and I feel isolated maybe. But also if it was an activity I was going to do with friends or other people that, you know, there's that sense of loss of that opportunity to be with people and see what was going to happen there. And also, if I was going to be responsible for something in it, then I feel like I'm letting people down. So there's that. And sometimes it is very much just a body experience. You know, I'm just there. I know that I just need to kind of lay low. I'm not in pain, but I'm It almost makes me feel like all the molecules are just out of place, you know?

[34:10]

And I just need to kind of settle down, settle by seeing what's going to happen, but it can be uncomfortable for a while too, and the emotions are ... like we're talking here, the emotions, the body and the mind are all kind of ... they're definitely intertwined. Yeah, it can be frustrating and just and also it can be just kind of noting it and there's still this aspect that I've had throughout this of just being kind of curious like, well, what's this? Is there something significant causing this or is it just this fluctuations which is very typical of this condition. So, yeah. Thank you. Jake. Well, it's kind of interesting because we're talking about how everything's connected and I think some of the times how I'm feeling with the body parts is significant enough that I kind of don't even want to do what that thing was going to be.

[36:15]

Now, sometimes as I was talking with Ron, I do feel like I'm missing out or I'm frustrated, but sometimes, you know, your body's just saying, You know, it's strong in a feeling or whatever that it's not even something I want to consider, you know, so that makes it easier that I'm not there doing something. But if I have the opportunity to step back and think about it, I might say, oh, I used to do that all the time and now that's not happening as much. But it's been a revelation for me because I've known a lot of people that, some of the people that you and I know that are our age, that just all of a sudden stopped doing things. And I always thought, well, why aren't they trying? Isn't there another way they can do it? So I'm not as judgmental about that anymore. So I can see that each person has their own way of managing these things. Yes?

[37:17]

I feel nervous to talk in front of everybody and I notice the feelings inside. So I thought that's me. It's me to notice. So I appreciate your talk so much. It reminds me to pay attention to those things. Yeah. Thank you, Ellen. I agree. Yes. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Which one is the... Uh-huh. Oh, which one's real? Is that what you... Oh, okay.

[38:19]

Wow. This is a big topic here. That's an important question and it's really there's no one answer to it. I think there are Like when I was talking about how we adapt to situations, I recently had a knee injury too, and I tried sitting on a bench for the first time. Because sitting this way was putting more strain on it, and I don't think it was gonna heal properly. So I changed my position. And that's something I've seen many people here do. And it may be temporary, or maybe it's gonna be the way you start sitting all the time, which is fine.

[39:23]

But you have to keep paying attention and seeing what you need to do. And there's a difference between being in a position that feels uncomfortable to a position that you're in pain that could really damage whatever, or it could add to the injury that you had already had and it's not helping the healing process. And then you may need to try something different. And even for one person, different situations, different times, you might have a different response that's needed. So it's all about paying attention, and it's okay to try different ways. So I encourage you to do that. Hey, Ko. It's interesting. I'm thinking about my body and my experience, and you brought up a lot of very interesting mostly on the bicycle, and all these different things.

[40:30]

On a given day, something's bothering me. My mind can go to my body and find that to manifest some kind of meaning about what's bothering me. It's not like, oh, that bicycle accident is always going to bother me. It's like, today I need a message, and it seems like it comes up. So it's almost entirely random relative to my or something to bring up to, I don't know, wake me up, or give me something to think about. And so, when it's optional, what is the function of the pain that comes up? I mean, how would you... Well, the pain is optional, or... Given that we can pick out that given body awareness and start being unhappy about it, why do we have that unhappiness?

[41:31]

Oh, that's another big question. Well, it's all our causes and conditions, right? And our circumstances and past history of maybe having this happen before and it's a learned response then. and maybe a go-to response for some of us, but we need to kind of stop and pay attention to it and see what it really is and see if there's a way to respond to it differently. And maybe then gradually there'll be some change of how you deal with situations like that. I don't know if that's answering your question or not. Well, yeah, thank you. It's kind of the idea of addressing were kind of manufacturing the message. And as a gift, you alluded to that. I mean, Rumi, he of course said that.

[42:36]

It's interesting. Well, we also learned that our mental formations, which you can say this is what this is, are impermanent, right? They're going to come and go. I mean, after a lot of practice, I started to see those things, the emotions and all these things. They'd be there and they'd be very present, and then you just really feel them, but they go. I started learning that even in the midst of whatever suffering I was experiencing, that if it's something like that, it's not going to last forever. And you develop kind of a trust in that and experience it while it's happening fully. Don't ignore it. I mean, we often can't, we often don't have that choice, but it will pass. And sometime that really becomes kind of embodied in you, I think. So.

[43:37]

Okay, I think it's time. Oh, okay, Tom, we can talk. One more? Okay, Tom. Yeah, there's a lot more to this that could be said about bodies and how different groups are treated because of their bodies. And I, yeah. But I'm glad you brought that up. Thank you. Nina. So for me, especially when I'm experiencing difficulty, it's, this is my experience.

[44:44]

This is the totality of my experience. This is who I am. This is the world. This is my whole, This is what is. This is how it is. Just the totality of it. Yeah. That's wonderful. I mean that in a big sense, because obviously it's not always wonderful circumstances, but you're experiencing the whole thing. That's great. All right. Thank you. That seems like maybe a good note to end on. Thank you.

[45:37]

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