Good morning. It feels very strange to be sitting here. It's daunting. I envisioned this high-tech Zendel. In the old days, we never did things like this. I expected a room half full because it's summertime and it's been years since I've given a talk on Saturday morning and years since I've been here on Saturday morning because I work Saturdays now. I feel a little hypocritical also because what I want to talk about is what it takes to sustain a strong sitting practice and the reason that I want to talk about that is because my own sitting practice doesn't feel very strong, feels actually rather weak.

[01:19]

So as long as I say that then I feel okay. I'm not talking about a strong sitting And actually I usually find what I'm not very good at as being what's the most interesting. Some of you, or actually many of you I know for a long time, and many of you I don't know at all. Some of you have been sitting for a long time, and some of you have just started. but we all face the rewards and the difficulties of what it means to develop a sitting practice. And the person who's brand new and the person who has a lot of experience, there are differences, maybe big differences in their problems and energy, but there's still a lot of similarities.

[02:37]

therefore it doesn't matter so much how experienced you are, you still have to grapple with what it takes to sustain a sitting practice, particularly over a long period of time. And the sitting practice is really the core practice as an actual method that we do, as you know. usually we don't, and Mel especially, doesn't talk so much about sitting practice relative to a broader practice. He talks more often about a broader practice because we don't want to limit our understanding to just thinking that practice or Zen is just a matter of sitting cross-legged The point is that practice in Zen is bigger than just what you do with your body.

[03:48]

It has to be. It would be ridiculous if it were just a matter of sitting. However, that being said, I would just like to focus on the sitting aspect of knowing that that's not the whole picture. A really good description of Zen sitting is in Dogen's Fukan Zazengi, the Zazen are the universal guide to the principles of just sitting. And it's actually very short and looks to be very simple but the implications are deep.

[04:55]

And there are lines from that work that stick out you can't it's hard to forget them. And one thing he says is that there are as many this is these are all various translations but one translation says there are as many minds as there are people but they all pursue the way or negotiate the way directly through So even though and then also in the bodhisattva ceremony it says dharmagates are boundless I vow to master them. So even though there are boundless dharmagates and there as many minds in this room as there's many ways to practice in this room as there are minds still fundamentally zazen is

[06:00]

the core. And he's speaking of Zazen in a broader sense not just sitting still but I'm speaking of it in just the more narrow sense of sitting still. And what I found is that watching myself and watching others that it's extremely difficult to sustain a vital sitting practice over a long period of time for most people. It is possible, but it's difficult. And the difficulty can wax and wane. There are times when it's seemingly impossible. There are things in your life which are just so powerful that you can't bring yourself to organize yourself to sit down. And then there are other times that just seem like, how else could you live?

[07:08]

This is just the most natural thing in the world. Most people go through those kinds of fluctuations. Just because you go through those fluctuations in terms of how you feel doesn't mean that you have to stop sitting. But we all have those kinds of feelings. And as laypeople, most of us are laypeople, 99%, we have jobs, families. Arranging a sitting practice, organizing a sitting practice in our life is a big deal, in my opinion. It seems like it's not such a big deal, maybe. It's not really, you can do it. But to really do it and sustain it over a long period of time, to have an active work life, an active family life, active social life, which most people have, and still sustain a vital sitting practice is difficult.

[08:35]

And I think that it's good to acknowledge that difficulty, and to respect it, and to not be overwhelmed by it. Traditionally in Asia, the lay people didn't do much meditation. The monks did the meditation, they had the monasteries set up and they had the time to just focus on meditation because they would organize their lives to do that and the society was set up to help them to organize their lives to do that. And the lay people didn't even seriously consider meditation as a viable practice because they simply I don't know all the details but partly they simply just didn't have the time and they thought this is something that monks... this is a monk's practice and we as lay people believe in Buddhism, believe in the monk's practice and we will support them by helping to support the temple, doing work around the place and then we'll come over for ceremonies and lectures and so forth but it's really beyond our capability to meditate in any kind of a daily way

[09:57]

And that's really been the prevailing attitude for generations and this generation and this century and this country is a change from that attitude. So although you may or we may have grown up or become accustomed this as being sort of especially in the Bay Area as being rather easily accessible. In the history of the world it's been very inaccessible. So my question to you is how do you sustain a vital sitting practice, not just how do you get your butt onto the zafu, because you could do that in a relatively mechanical way.

[11:02]

You could just come and be a part of a routine, a daily routine, but that's not necessarily vital. That kind of sitting practice could just become like a habit practice. So how do you nourish a vital sitting practice and sustain it in the face of all the kinds of powerful forces that seem to attract us in a different direction. Many people, or some people, start off with meditation because they're feeling very confused, at a loss.

[12:04]

What's the meaning of things? And take up meditation and get into the process and the realm of Zen and Buddhism and meditation. and actually start to do well, are able to settle down, develop some concentration, some clarity. And the initial crisis or the initial agony of the initial confusion tends to fade away. And actually, after really immersing yourself in sitting, the very simplest things become much more interesting. I don't know if you've noticed that. Just simple things become more interesting because we've managed to return to a more simple state of mind, a beginner state of mind, where we don't demand that everything be so elaborate in order to be satisfying. Simple things become more satisfying. But ironically, when that starts to happen,

[13:07]

and the world becomes more vivid, then you start to wonder, well, the world is so vivid, why just sit on my butt, you know? Why not really enjoy this vivid world? And you can taste things, you can taste the world. It seems that you can taste the world more. motivation for sitting seems to have dimmed somewhat because you're more comfortable now. So when things are pretty comfortable, how do you maintain that intensity? So Dogen says, going forward in practice is just a matter of everydayness.

[14:10]

How do you maintain that intensity if it's just everydayish? And I think that that question or that concern is critical. Actually, you could say that about a lot of things, not just meditation. You could say it about anything that you do over and over again. Work, relationship, music. You face the same question, the same problem. But the thing is, with Zen practice, it goes to the core of our being. There is a very short

[15:39]

novel by Herman Hesse called Journey to the East. And Herman Hesse is kind of dated now. if you appreciate what he was writing when he wrote it in the 30s and 40s he's amazing but nowadays culture has caught up to him and passed him so that if you read something by him it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but in the context of the 30s and 40s what he wrote was rather extraordinary he was able to combine western psychology freudian psychology which was new at that time With Asian religion, Buddhism, his relatives were Christian missionaries in Asia, so he had access to a lot of Asian literature. And Journey to the East is a very sort of romantic account of

[16:45]

Buddha in a way of Siddhartha who starts out life as an earnest practitioner very pure upright sort of just like Shakyamuni but then at a certain point in his life falls in love with a beautiful Kamala and I forget the details but I don't know if they get married or what but he lives with her and then takes on a job as a merchant, becomes a merchant and begins trading goods and lets go of his previous life of Zazen basically. And then gradually realizes that's not satisfying and it doesn't work and realizes that he's just spent X number of years on a kind of a detour from what his original heart was leading him towards.

[17:50]

And so, again I forget the details, but in the end he goes back to a very simple life and he becomes a ferry boat, he's a ferryman. He just guides the ferry across the river for travelers and that's all he does. But he's, basically the implication is he's enlightened at the end and has a very simple life. But he goes through this midlife crisis. And I think that that kind of problem is there for all of us to be careful about. It may not be as romantic as in this book, but there are so many diversions which come along. So watching my own life and watching how that's worked for me, I used to be here a lot.

[19:06]

Actually I did it the reverse of the way many people do it. I in the early twenties through mid-thirties and didn't care too much about anything else actually and then shifted over towards marriage, work and the more usual lifestyle that people have and got kind of I wouldn't say overwhelmed but overly immersed in the schedule which is kind of unrelenting. And now can kind of see that process and have to pull myself back. So I realized that if I'm looking at myself and thinking, well what do I need to do to

[20:12]

turn myself around. It's not just a matter of oh you need to go over to the zendo or you need to do this or you need to do that or you need to set aside a quiet place in your house or you need to sit for one hour a day. The details aren't so important really. The more important thing is the attitude. If the attitude is vital. If the attitude is vital then the details will follow. And we all have different details. So I appreciate that We at the Berkeley Zen Center, we don't say, you should sit an hour and a half a day, or you should sit three periods a day. We don't say that because understanding how different people are.

[21:19]

If it was a monastery, it would be different. But as a lay practice center, you cannot say to people, this is how much you should sit, because everybody has such a different kind of a life. But what we could say is that you should examine what does it take to develop or to sustain or nourish an attitude that will lead you to practice in the best way that you can. Without fooling yourself. Without being concerned if it looks good. Dogen gives a couple of examples.

[22:32]

The one he likes to use the most in terms of attitude is using the ephemeral quality of our life as a wake-up call or it's like brushing fire off of your head. You should sit as though and practice as though you're trying to brush fire off of your head. Or, who would take wasteful delight in the light from the sparks from the Flintstones, from the Flintstone? In other words, you know, how can you squander this short life that you have? And realizing that, then wouldn't you naturally have an intensity in the way that you practice? Well that works for him, but that might not work for you. Anyway, that's his attitude. What's your attitude? There isn't really an answer.

[23:38]

In other words, if I could sit up here and say, the kind of attitude you should have is, it would be cardboard. because it wouldn't be something, you can't conform to somebody else's attitude. You can't, you have to create, you have to express your own attitude. That's the difference between a cult and the Berkeley Zen Center. We have to express our attitude rather than adapt somebody else's attitude. But that's assuming that we're open-minded and that we're not stuck in promoting some habit of ours.

[24:45]

So there is no one thing you could say, you should have this kind of attitude. But I think we have to keep examining or asking ourselves, what does it take? What's going on with my attitude? And it doesn't have to be in words. And I'd say a really ... a key part of this is honesty. This kind of practice is asking us to be honest. And being honest means that it doesn't always look so good. We don't care how good we all look. And it occurs to me, it was kind of interesting that if, you know, if we put you on the spot, if we put each other on the spot, just for the compassionate fun of it, and say, okay, what, you know, please describe verbally your attitude, your way-seeking mind attitude.

[26:48]

at this time, which may be different from tomorrow or the next day. How would you describe it right now? It's pretty awkward because we don't like to have to put something like that into words. You can't really. It seems so simplistic and so limited. What it does is it makes you look at the situation. Having to put something into words or thought makes you look at the situation and it's the looking which is the value, the looking. Whether you say it just right or whether what you say today is what you feel good about having said tomorrow.

[27:56]

isn't so important, it's the looking, and it's the honesty. So I won't ask you, we won't go around the room and ask each person, and don't ask me, but if you'd like to say something about it, go ahead. I'm not clear of the difference between what you call attitude and intention. Intention. I didn't use the word intention, did I? Or did I? Intention, I don't, I don't like the word intention very well. Because intention means that you've already made up your mind about what's going to happen.

[29:02]

And if you go into it, and the way I feel is if you go into it deeply, you don't exactly know what's going to happen. But I mean, I understand the energy that's good about intention, but, so attitude, I like attitude because attitude could constantly be changing, subtly, not flip-flopping, I love it, I hate it, not so much like that, but there's subtleties to our attitude. Our attitude is, It's how we ... it's kind of like saying our consciousness actually, our awareness. And then how we connect our awareness to our actions which is always subtly changing. But why do you ask? Yeah?

[30:05]

Well, as you're talking, I'm thinking it's certainly possible to say, intend to be loved, and bring it into so much rigor. So much what? Rigor. Tension around it. If I remiss this, Yeah, because you've already decided to be something, which is basically just a big thought. I mean, it may be a noble thought, but there's a kind of a deadness to it. Dave. Ram, thank you for expressing The emphasis of my practice in this exact area seems to be towards simplicity.

[31:28]

I'll try to be concrete. For example, when you posed the question, which you then didn't go around the room and asked us, I thought, nevertheless, what's mine? How do I respond? And I noticed that one way is that first thing in the morning, When I first wake up, if I can remember, I call myself. And I try to address myself in a way that promotes the next steps, like getting up. So I say, David? Well, if I say David, if I say Davey, very few people call me Davey, but when they do, they've always been the people who love me. So it can be important if I say Davey.

[32:34]

And then it might be, yes. Are your feet on the floor? Um, no, they're not. They're still, they're still tucked up against my wife. But by then, it's possible that I may be awake enough so that I, I, oh right, I've got to get my feet on the floor. Because if I, if this goes on much longer, I'll never make it. Something like that, you know, just kind of a way of sliding into this inquiry simply and affectionately. And usually it actually leads to coming down here, because that seems to be what I've taken on as my particular set of answers to these questions you're raising. But that's not necessarily so. It might be something else, just to roll onto a cushion right next to my bed, or something else entirely different.

[33:43]

It starts out as kind of a very way of addressing myself. What urge makes you do that? What's the urge that comes before the action? of the urge or the desire. I think I want somebody to call me Davey. When it's still dark. You know, there's a wonderful Rumi poem. How does it start? Every morning we wake up lonely and afraid. Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. take down a musical instrument.

[34:44]

Let what we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth. What was the line about love again? Let what we love be what we do. Let what we love be what we do. So I think if you're going to have a zazen practice, it has to be what you love. You may not like it, but it has to be what you love. Ellen? Thank you. Thanks.

[36:21]

Time or question? Question. One minute. You have a dual role there. Yes. Well, I appreciate you bringing up this question because I feel like it's my question. It has been for years and years and years and years. I know. Yeah. I just want to... I don't want to embarrass you. At one ceremony, at a shuso ceremony, Jin asked a question and she says, I just want to ride my bike. Okay, go ahead. That's right, I don't like sitting in Zazen, but I'm still here. And, you know, I read that same book by Herman Hesse, and the part where Siddhartha sort of woke up to this courtesan and had an affair with her, and she had a child by him, actually, in the book.

[37:33]

What struck me is, in that whole book, there was one line that really struck me, because when he became a merchant, it said, he let people come to buy things from him, and he let them cheat him. So he was aware of what they were doing. And I never felt that he took a detour or that he had abandoned his practice. That was my take on it. And I don't have the feeling that because you're not here, you have abandoned your practice, or because a sitting practice lacks vigor. Even to have that question is a kind of juice. On the other hand, I could be fooling myself. So... You're the only one that knows. Andrea?

[38:38]

So, what do you do? Okay. I think it's time, right? Okay. Thank you.

[39:09]

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