You should know that within the incalculable dharmas that are in you, there is life and there is death. You must quietly reflect whether your present life and all the dharmas existing with this life share a common life or not. In fact, there can be nothing, not one instant of time or a single dharma, that doesn't share life in common. For a thing as well as for a mind, there is nothing but sharing life in common.

[01:05]

You should know that within the incalculable dharmas that are in you, there is life and there is death. You must quietly reflect whether your present life and all the dharmas existing with this life share a common life or not. In fact, there can be nothing, not one instant of time or a single dharma, that doesn't share life in common. For a thing as well as for a mind, there is nothing but sharing life in common. Within the incalculable dharmas that are in you, there is life and there is death. This you is not small you.

[02:15]

This is big you. As I mentioned, as I have mentioned so far, there is something which makes each and every existence individual. This is the underlying essence.

[03:17]

This is the essence of life. This is the essence of life on which our daily lives are based on, based. Then, Dogen says, within the incalculable dharmas that are in you, there is life and there is death. Incalculable dharmas. There are many things in you. In narrow viewpoint, you have nose, eyes, ears, mouth, hands.

[04:18]

And also mind, and also the function of mind, and also division created by mind. Broadly speaking, there are many dharmas. So called, here is Katagi, and all of you, and Zen Center, and San Francisco, and United States, and Japan. As long as I am here, I am very concerned. I am concerning with Japan. You cannot ignore. There are many kinds of dharmas. So in you, you can realize that how incalculable dharmas they are.

[05:34]

Let's imagine about your delusion, how many kinds, how many kinds of delusion you have. You can't count, even concerning, even matter of your delusion. That delusion is yours, but you can't count how many delusions I have. And also, your delusion cannot ignore other's delusion. Other's delusions. Within this, within this incalculable dharmas that are in you, to be in you is to be present now, here.

[06:38]

The moment when you are present at the now and here, you are you who has incalculable dharma. Relating your delusion and other's delusions. Within this incalculable dharma, there is life and there is death. So, I think you can realize there is huge size of scale, so-called life force. Life force. Which nobody can control.

[07:39]

Which nobody can control. And also within this huge size of scale, so-called life force, there are many kinds of dharmas existing. So, life and death are also some of events. Within this large scale, huge scale, huge size of scale, so-called life force. Even a life, even a death. So, your life is not only for yours, and also the others.

[08:43]

The death is not only yours, but also others. Because life and death, both are functioning equally, within each and every individual life. For instance, someone told me this morning, this friend's mother has cancer, facing complete death. Then he said, how can I, how can I deal with my mother and myself?

[09:54]

Okay? Okay? Let's consider very carefully about life and death in this realm, okay? Mother's life and student's life. And mother's death and student's death. But anyway, whatever you, whatever he thinks, he couldn't escape, he cannot escape from the existence of his mother. Who is suffering and present at the now and here. The moment when he meets her mother. Okay? He has to face, you know, he has to face directly the mother, so-called death.

[11:07]

How can I take care of this death? Okay? And also in terms of the death student. He has to, he has to, he has to also suffer something. It is very big pain, very big pain. I want to help. I want to save her. But he cannot. So what is it? He cannot. What is, what is left behind, you know, in him? What is left? What is it? What is there in him? Just patience, you know, big patience. He has to see, you know, continually he cannot escape.

[12:17]

And also mother cannot escape. He wants to help, but he cannot. And mother want to, want to get, want something to be saved from her suffering. So in her mind, maybe she said, please help. Let's imagine, you know, let's think carefully. There is life, death, patience. Okay? Life, patience. Death, patience. Suffering, patience. And doctor. And big hospital. You know? All exist, all exist simultaneously, you know.

[13:24]

Within the something, within the something, it is big, big world. And then this big world carried, carried all of them simultaneously. Life and death and patience and so on. Whatever you think, you know, or no, I don't want, but I'm sorry, you know, patience goes. Something carries the patience. Something carries the death. Something carries the life. Towards what direction? I don't know, I don't know. But anyway, going on. The life and death. Such is life and death. Such is life and death. Then, if you understand this point.

[14:30]

Which is functioning vividly in underlying, underlying essence. Which nobody can control. Which nothing can control. How can I show? How can I manifest? How can I manifest this truth and huge expanse of life itself? Existence itself. The huge expanse, huge expanse of existence. That carries all of them. Patience and pleasures and life and death and cancer. All of them simultaneously. Whatever you think. How can I show? How can I show this truth? How can I show this truth?

[15:34]

How can I show this truth? Even though you explain, even though I continually explain this point like this. It doesn't make sense for this mother. The question is how to take care of this mother. You see? Explain the truth. Of course, maybe. That's why Christian priest visit, maybe, this mother and explain some aspect of Christian Bible. Pretty good. But question is not mother of the Christian priest.

[16:37]

Question is yours. How do you take care of your mother? Okay? Maybe if I go, yes, please believe Buddha. Maybe not. But it doesn't matter. Your questions, yours. Question is yours. How do you take care of this mother? How can you show? How can you show this truth? Everything goes. In one essence of world, huge world, nobody, nothing can control. Then, there is nothing. Just you be there and manifest yourself.

[17:43]

To be kind to mother, there is nothing. Whatever mother feels, whatever you feel, of course, you feel patience, you feel suffer. I think so. Still mother suffers. Suffers, of course. But you have to be kind to mother, to yourself. Mother has to accept his kindness. Even though he has, she suffers. Even though her son suffers. There is no better way. If you understand this huge expanse of existence,

[18:56]

existent world, you understand what is kindness is. This kindness is very warm. Very warm. If you understand kindness with only your intellectual sense, the kindness is very cold. If you understand this underlying essence of human life, you realize very warm kindness. Then, Dogen says, you should know that within the incalculable dharmas that are in you, there is life and there is death.

[19:59]

We have to accept life and death. That way. And you must quietly reflect whether your present life and all the dharmas existing with this life share a common life or not. There is no better way. Share, sharing. Sharing your present life with others. No better way. There can be nothing, not one instant of time or a single dharma that doesn't share life in common, for a thing as well as for a mind. There is nothing but sharing life in common. You share your life with your mother.

[21:11]

Your mother shares her life with you. But still there is something unsatisfactory. But nobody can make up for this unsatisfaction. Then, Bodhisattva vows. I vow. I live in vow. I shave, I save all sentient beings. Please, please chant. I take refuge in Buddha. That's why Bodhisattva says, please, chant.

[22:13]

I take refuge in Buddha. Even though you don't understand. Strictly speaking, there is something unsatisfactory. You manifest yourself fully. Mother manifests her life and shares with you fully. But there is still something unsatisfactory between the two. How can I make up for it? Nothing. All you have to do is, all individual, all individual to do is, to be just present straightly at now and here. Setting themselves in the world of Buddha.

[23:14]

Saying, I take refuge in Buddha. Yes, I take refuge in Buddha. That's enough. Why is it you practice a dozen? It's pretty hard. Even though you explain, you can't. Even though you explain completely, the reason why you practice a dozen. But still, there is still something unsatisfactory. What? How can you make up? How can you make up for this unsatisfaction? Completely nothing. Then all you have to do is, just sit. How do I do?

[24:17]

At that time, you understand so well, human effort, human kindness. When I was 16 years old, I had a big operation for my jaw. It's called twisted intestine. Twisted intestine is awful pain. I entered into a military hospital. At that time, I was one of the soldiers. Sixteen years old.

[25:30]

Sixteen year soldiers. Pretty cute. But suffering is safe. Suffering is safe. No difference. So I got suffering. Then I entered into the military hospital. After suffering from my pain for 24 hours, usually majority of the people pass away, would die. If they would suffer from this pain for 24 hours, but I couldn't die. So I entered the hospital.

[26:34]

And then the doctor says, What kind of sickness? I don't understand. He took many ways. He took many ways in order to recover this pain. But pain didn't stop. Then at last, he shot me. It's called, what would you say, What would you say? Anesthetic. Oh, yeah. Anesthetic. So fortunately, anesthetic provided me with sleeping.

[27:36]

With sleep. For one hour. After one hour, pain came back again. Then I intruded upon the doctor. Hurry up. Hurry up to operate. Operate my stomach. Hurry up. The pain suffered so much. Then the doctor started the operation. Operate my stomach, opening my stomach. But at that time, I had the operation and local anesthetic. Local anesthetic. So my ears, my nose, my eyes, my brains, my nerves, all completely worked so well.

[28:39]

I can hear, I could hear the sound of the scissors. Sound of the... Wow. Wow. Now my stomach was opening. It took for three hours. But in one and a half hours, you know, unfortunately, anesthetic gradually has gone. Gradually has gone. The pain comes. Wow, that pain was too severe and too bad. Wow. A pain, you know.

[29:43]

Too pain. Too much. Doctor said, Hold bar, iron bar, iron bars. Iron bar is here, you know. Above my face. Just above my face. The doctor says, Hold iron bar steadily. And then he said, Open your mouth. Open mouth. But pain. But pain didn't keep my mouth open. Then I said, shouted, screamed. Pain. Then he said, Shut up. But he said, shut up. And he said, Take patience. Take patience. At that time, what patience? No patience. No patience. Take patience.

[30:45]

Let's imagine there is no effect, no infection. No effect, no effect, no effect of anesthetic. And then, doctor put me up to continue to operate on my stomach. Wow, terrible. And he said, Take patience. Terrible. But pain is mine. Pain is not doctor's. But he said, He said, Take patience. But nothing, no way. No way. No way to escape. I continued to shout, scream, pain. And after that, I hold steadily iron bar.

[31:46]

Open your mouth. In a minute. Shout. Scream. Repeat sansara. Repeat sansara. Now you are very lucky if you go to the hospital. If you feel pain, okay, okay. Doctor comes immediately and give pain killers. Very nice. But I don't know which is better. Which is better. A man is apt to go from one extreme to another. Like a Japanese doctor, in my case, according to my case, take patience. There is no function of anesthetic. But he said, take patience.

[32:51]

Now, in United States, American doctors are very humane. They understand so well what pain is. So, give pain killers to you. But I don't know. It is right or wrong. Through and through, we have to consider carefully what kindness is. For a thing, as well as for a mind, there is nothing but sharing life in common. Day after day. All you have to do is to share your life. With others. Whatever you feel. As a result,

[34:10]

I would like to tell you, please keep in mind, if you want to study Buddhism, please keep in mind about this point. Buddha makes your life alive. And Buddha dies. Buddha lives. Buddha dies. But it's not so easy to understand. But please, again and again, you should consider about this point. Buddha lives. Buddha dies. OK. At that time, you can share your life with others

[35:15]

from bottom of your mind. Otherwise, it's pretty difficult to live in this world. That's why Shakyamuni Buddha continually had to teach what Buddha is. Who you are. You are Buddha. You are Buddha. You are Buddha is your life. It is alive. In the huge expanse of existence itself, where nothing can control. If you realize, through and through, it is called provisionally enlightenment. Then you are called provisionally Buddha.

[36:18]

Then this huge expanse of existence itself is called provisionally Buddha himself. Then conception of Buddha doesn't work. Then, at last, you have to work. You have to work. Then share your life. Share your present life with others from the bottom of your mind. There is no better way. For this, whatever you do, please be present in patience, pain, suffering. Even though you cannot believe now,

[37:27]

even though it is very difficult for you to believe, that's all right. First, be present in you within whom within whom there are incalculable, incalculable darkness. Your delusions, your enlightenment with others' delusions and enlightenment. You cannot escape this truth. Then if you find your delusions, you cannot ignore others' delusions. Don't stick to your delusion alone. OK? At that time, pay attention to others' delusions. Others also have the same delusions. Share your delusions with others.

[38:32]

At that time, your delusions will be universal. Universal. Your delusion has universal virtue. Universal virtue. Then, Dogen says, the mountains and rivers of the present are the actual realization of the way of the old buddhas. Each abiding in its own dharma state possesses universal virtue. OK? Universal virtue. Whatever kind of delusion or enlightenment, that's all right. But all all are universal. All are universal. Right or wrong, good or bad, are universal. OK? But in most cases, right or wrong are just for you. That's a big problem. Must be polished.

[39:36]

Right or wrong, again and again. Must be must the right or wrong or good or bad, all must be defined, polished, again and again, with others. With others. This is Buddha's practice. Buddha's practice. I really want to apologize to Buddha and to all of you for my long, boring talk with my messy, foggy English. I'm sorry. Please throw away

[40:37]

OK all what you have listened. OK? Please throw away. Take care of life day in, day out. And as much as possible share your life with others. Being continually considerate to others even though you don't feel so well. This effort important. Two more period of Zazen are left in this session. Please do your best to do Zazen. Thank you very much.

[41:23]

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