if you just had a hat, maybe you look just like a rabbi, but maybe that was being stereotypical. So knowing that actions bring unwholesome actions, bring unwholesome fruit, And wholesome actions bring wholesome fruits. And knowing that really the only thing that can be known is that there is going to be the ever flowing of the unknown. And accepting that moment. and accepting whatever that brings.

[01:04]

Does that sound right? So what's your question? What do I need to hear? What do you need to hear? Just open your ears. Open your ears without and you'll know everything. Sounds good. Thank you. Next we have Stephanie Solar. Yes. I'm trying to find you. You know, maybe she forgot. She's not on.

[02:10]

Looks like Helen. It's 7, Greg, Gary. It's 8 o'clock. Oh, yeah. Well, I told everybody 6.55, so we don't. I can place her later. Helen, you want to go next? Don't forget to unmute. Well, maybe we just go and get somebody who's there. Lori? Hi, Lori.

[03:16]

I'm looking at myself. I should be. Sojin Roshi. There you are. Have I told you lately that I love you? No, you haven't. But I have to tell you, I feel it. Thank you. You're welcome. So here's my question. What have you found to actually help people? I don't do anything to help people. If I'm helpful, that's great. You know, that's wonderful. But I just be who I am. What about the bodhisattva vow? Yeah, that's the bodhisattva vow. Just be yourself, and people will be helped. I changed it. Just be yourself.

[04:23]

And as far as you can tell, that helps people as far as you can tell, or you don't even worry about that? Don't worry about it. I mean, don't worry about it. You know, I tried to be compatible with the people around me. That's all I do is try to be compatible with the people around me. And if everybody did that, then the bodhisattva vow would be fulfilled. Thank you so much. Don't try too hard. Okay. I like that advice. Thank you. Okay. I love you too, Sojan. Could Stephanie be the next? Stephanie? Yes. Unmute yourself. Sojan.

[05:27]

Hi. I love your beard. Yeah. Thank you. Dick has a big beard like yours. Oh, really? He does. Some people love it. Some people don't. It's very becoming. Thank you. That's better. So give me a question. Yes. Sojin Roshi. They are ordained by you in 2013, and you gave me the name Ro Rin Nuji, bright face, gentle compassion. I can feel the deep suffering for others, but I struggle to practice with gentle compassion, hurt or angry. What do I do? No, wait a minute. That sounds a little contradictory.

[06:28]

Does it? You tend to what? When I am hurt or angry, I'm out of touch with my own sense of compassion. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's as if it's covered over. And then I'm out of touch with it. I know... And I quite get access to it. So what do I do? Okay, here's what you do. Continue with me. Come back to your breath. Come back to your center. No matter whether you're angry or stressed or happy or unhappy, stay with your breath. Stay with your center. So you're always centering yourself. This is called continuous practice.

[07:30]

Thank you. It's fine to be angry. It's fine to be, you know, you should be able to feel that. And then say, what is my practice here? And then take a deep breath and enjoy it. Oh, that's much more enjoyable than being angry. Isn't it? Inhaling is letting the anger go. Inhaling is being a new person. You rise to the occasion of being born again. And then you let go. Goodbye. Goodbye. And then you come up again. Oh, it's nice to be alive. So let go of all that stuff. Just enjoy. Not get distracted by anger. I was watching the news before I came here. Here I am, you know?

[08:33]

Yeah. I can't hang on that. You know, don't do that. Helen, could you unmute yourself? Sergeant Roshi. I'm a resident here, and I haven't been drawn to Zazen the past few months. Do you have any... You don't miss it? No. You don't miss it? Sorry? Do you miss it or don't miss it? I do not miss it. I missed the Zendo. Do you have any words?

[09:38]

Well, I think it's good, you know, to miss it. And, you know, the way to keep your, there are two things. One is, whether you miss it or not, whether you feel like it or not, you just do it. One way. Number one way, it has nothing to do with your feelings or your desires or anything. It's just, this is what I do now. The other way is take a break. It's hard to, you know, those are the two sides. It's hard to, continuously practice the same way. Sometimes you need a break in order to refresh your mind, refresh yourself so that when you sit does it again, you feel very nice, very fresh.

[10:44]

So you don't want to discourage yourself by doing something that, forcing yourself to do something is not a good idea. Nevertheless, the best way has nothing to do with how I feel Totally divorced from how I feel. I feel good, so I'll sit doesn't. I feel bad, so I'll sit doesn't. It's just my vow is to sit doesn't, so I sit doesn't because of my vow, not because of the way I feel. Thank you. You're welcome. We have Jeff Taylor. Hello, Sojin Roshi. Hi. It's nice to see you, too. You look wonderful, by the way. Well, you got one, too.

[11:45]

So, Sojin Roshi, during the pandemic and during the shelter-in-place and the lockdown, I've spent more time alone than is good for next week. And I've had a couple of experiences in doing this. At first, I had to leave the house every day because I had to be outside. And then I got to a place where I didn't want to leave the house, where I would be sitting and looking out the window, and everything would play. And I called this selflessness. In those moments, everything was so quiet. And everything was just still. It was as if no breath. Then at other times, I found myself remembering self. And in practice, we talk about self in so many ways. And I seem to trip across it all the time.

[12:50]

It's one of the themes in my practice. When I think about self-image as a mental construct, when I think about self-image, and passing away in each moment. Myriad Dharma rush forth, like the Genjo Koan talks about. Self arises and passes away. What is it when self remembers self? Nostalgia. Norealgia. Norealgia. We're waking from these reveries when self is remembering self, and it's like waking from a dream, and it's almost a kind of drunkenness, if you will.

[13:58]

Yeah, you know, we say dream meaning your head hits the pillow, right? And then you go to sleep and you dream. But also, when you wake up, the other side is the other side of the dream. It's the waking dream, not the sleeping dream. We're not self-conscious when we're sleeping in the dream. but we become self-conscious in the waking dream. So we think that the waking dream is reality. And we say, well, I had a dream last night, you know, and I was sleeping. That's not reality, you know. But when I woke up, then I woke up to reality. But reality is both. So if we think that in the dark, there is no self, we might say- Sorry? If you say there is a self, that's not correct. If you say there is a self, that's not correct.

[15:03]

So neither one is correct. I don't know who I am. That's correct. Good. I got it right. What's that picture behind you, by the way? That is a picture an old friend of mine did in 1989. And it's in New Mexico Pueblo in the midst of a storm. Yeah, beautiful. Quite beautiful. Thank you. She just turned 87 and has finished another painting for me. Oh. Maybe you can see that sometime, too. I don't know who I am. That's the answer. I don't know who you are, either. Yes, I do. Thank you for always meeting me where I meet you. You're welcome. Hi, Joe Buckner. You're on deck. Sojourn Roshi.

[16:07]

Hi. Thanks for the opportunity. I've really enjoyed these Zoom sessions and the group Dokusa and Shosan's a lot. I started participating. I heard you mention a couple times about this period of your life. where you couldn't do much. And you said you could only kind of go for walks and then sit zazen in the morning. And the first part of my question is, what did the transition to the next stage look like? How did you go from there to whatever happened next? And then kind of in that context, I was wondering when you're faced with a decision. I kind of get what to do when things are out of my control. But when they're in my control and I face a decision, I tend to short circuit.

[17:13]

So I'm wondering what you're looking for when you're faced with a decision. Well, you know, you've got two questions going there. Yeah, I'm sneaky. I'm sneaky. A little bit sneaky. But it's interesting that you brought up this part of my life. I was really in limbo. And... I was forsaken in love. And all I could do was walk the streets. And what was the other thing you said I could do? I forget. Sid Zazen. Sid Zazen. I always said Zazen. The thing that saved me was I always said Zazen. I said, no matter, you know, all this stuff is going on, emotional turmoil and threat.

[18:17]

But every day I said Zazen. And it's the Zazen that pulled me through. And that gave me a lot of faith in Zazen. Because it's the one steady thing that had nothing to do with anything. It's just time out. Time out. And that's when I started, I mean, that's when I started really doing Zazen as my life. The other question is, I mean, you know, that's a pretty general question about what do I do when I have some kind of... Something you're looking for, like when you face a decision, kind of, you know, an A or B or C, and you're kind of, whether you even think of it as a decision or whether you look for something, what you're open to when you're trying to add that fork in a road type thing.

[19:18]

Well... for something, I can say this, looking for something that's not self-centered. It doesn't put me, you know, it's not like what puts me to an advantage or disadvantage. I look for what is the real happening here? What is the real question without the advantage to me? So the question is, I don't have to worry about the answer, because I'm not so worried about . I think that, I like that. I'm not so worried about myself. The answer is in the blow to the wind. Thank you, Jason. You're welcome. Hi, Julian Coleman, please.

[20:25]

Unmute yourself. Hello, Sergeant. Can you hear me? You're getting there. You're getting there. Okay. A little more volume. Maybe I'll try this. Hi. Sorry. It helps seeing you. I can read your lips, but I can't. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Can you hear me better now? Okay. Are you in a spit capsule? You look like you're in a boat. So I also have kind of a two-part question. So I'm kind of new to reading Dogen, and I have been reading... Oh, okay.

[21:32]

I'm kind of new to reading Dogen, and so I have a section called Uji, the time being, and... So I'm a little, it's a little opaque to me, but I was just wondering if you had any just kind of general words from a beginner about how to understand it, or if you have some resources to suggest about other things that you could read to help understand Fuji. Or just the concept of the time? Okay, well, you've stumbled on one of the most difficult fascicles. Congratulations. I want to see your big picture, though. I want to see your small picture. I need to see you instead of me.

[22:35]

Can that happen? Only when she speaks can that happen. but maybe we can do it like, I don't. Okay, anyway. Can Gary pin her maybe? Gary, maybe pin her? There we are, okay. So when you're reading Dogen, I think it's good to, don't try to understand it. Just read it. It's like music. Just listen to it or read it over and over and over again, and pretty soon it all starts to make sense. But if you try to make sense of it the first time, you know, it's very difficult because he's talking from a non-dualistic point of view, and we're always thinking in terms of duality.

[23:42]

So he... difficult. I think it's good to read something a little more simple. A little book called Zui Monkey. Zui Monkey. Z-U-I. M-O-N monkey. M-O-N-K. Zui monkey. Zui monkey is his evening talks to his students, and it's a good introduction to Dogen. Before you start reading all of his difficult fascicles, start with something simple that is understandable, or maybe not. But it's on the level. It's like, you know, anybody can understand it.

[24:45]

And it gives you a picture of the way he thinks and the way he, how his mind works. And then you get a picture of him and his start with something introductory before you land on time being. Yeah, I feel very into it. I really enjoy reading it, but I just feel, and I feel like I relate to it very much, like just on a very intuitive level, but when I try to actually make sense of it, it feels out of reach. Yes, because you're trying to make sense of it in a dualistic sense. That's why it's out of reach.

[25:47]

So that's why I say, just read it and let it come together for you. Being is time and time is being. Dogen's way of presenting his thought is that the first paragraph is what he's talking about. And the rest is commentary. So if you keep that in mind, that helps. As he comments down the line, when you don't understand it, go back to the beginning. Because he's just commenting on what the first paragraph is. So you keep orienting yourself toward the first paragraph. That helps a lot. That helps a lot. That's the way to read Dogen. Yeah.

[26:52]

It's also medieval Japanese. That helps. Well, I don't know. I had a second part of a question, which was And I'm not sure whether it's still relevant, but I'll just ask it anyway. Is there any kind of relevance between or connection between this particular chapter and things like the precepts or other kind of more basic teachings? Well, there's no more basic teaching than this. So we're trying to find a more basic teaching. Good luck. Okay.

[27:55]

Okay. Thanks for your questions. Okay. Ryushin. Ryushin, where are you? Unmute yourself. Right here. Sojan Roshi. Yes. Wait a minute. I'm trying to find you. Hi, but if I talk, I'll pop up. I want you to pop up. No, that's not you. Maybe you need to. Oh, you're at the bottom. I'm pin the person who is pinned. Raghav, you keep going online. Oh, there you are. Here I am. I should just keep talking and then I will appear in your seat. Just keep talking. No. Well, what wonderful happy juice you're pouring for all of us this evening. It's Sojin's fireside chat.

[28:57]

It's very warm. It feels quite different than being across from you in the Zendo. Yes. Yeah. When I sit here for a while, I find that I always ask you a variation of the same question. Well, yes, that's all there is, is a variation of the same question. So here it is again. Maybe you have a different answer this time. I think about family karma and cultural karma and historical karma and the personal karma of this life. And I know that... it nor am I completely unfree from it I'm bound by it and I'm not completely bound by it and when I am not caught up in my self-centered ideas I feel free but as soon as I come back to my senses I'm caught again I don't know what you mean by ordinary senses yeah

[30:06]

When I come back to my usual way of being in the world, I become small and constricted again. Well, I find that when you come back, it's not always that way. Sometimes you're restricted when you come back to your ordinary. It's interesting, the word ordinary. Yeah. What do you mean by ordinary? I know. Maybe that was the wrong choice of word. The right choice of words. Okay. Right. Ordinary has nothing extra added to it, including any false conceptions of who one is or one isn't. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I could poke a hole in it, you know? You know what I have to say about it? That's why I'm asking. Please.

[31:07]

Honor yourself. Don't criticize yourself. Honor yourself. Get into this, you know, blah, blah, I'm this and I'm that. And when I'm bad and I'm bad. Just honor yourself. So when the questions about being constricted in this life. Yeah, we're all constricted in this life. That's what life is. No. You have to hold your freedom within the constriction. Yes, the freedom within it. You're doing just right. Stop it. Thank you. You're welcome.

[32:08]

Take care of yourself. Thank you. Mary? Mary? Yes. I see Gary. Mary Mosin. Oh, where are you? Well, I keep talking while I pop up. Are you on speaker view? I can hear you. But I see somebody else. Oh, there you are. You're looking well. I know. You know what? I lost 10 pounds. That helps. That's right. I didn't gain the COVID-15. I'm losing the COVID-15. I miss you. Thank you. And what Laurie said.

[33:13]

I love you, too. Thank you. You're welcome. No, no, thank you. Anyway, I just, I don't really have a question, but there is something that's been nagging at me. I was at a conference, an American Zen Teachers conference last week, and we were broken into smoking, and we were talking about I think it was about Black Lives Matter and racism, how to respond to these difficulties we're in. And somebody, one of the teachers said, it somehow got onto wearing a mask. And this person said, well, you know, those are just two views. You could wear a mask or not wear a mask. Those are just two equal views. There's no difference. And I don't think that's true.

[34:15]

No. I understand it. It's like the person who's talking to us or something. I don't know. Right. So wearing a mask helps everybody, including yourself, right? Yes. Not wearing a mask. Not wearing a mask saying, I don't want to. It's just as good. Not wearing a mask is just as good as wearing a mask or blah, blah, blah. That's trying. That's... trying to put together something in a non-dualistic way that doesn't fit. So you're welcome to not wear a mask and you're welcome to die. Good luck. Yes. Right. Because we have to live in this world and all. Yes. Okay. Thank you. I'm glad you agree with me. Wear your mask when you need to. And I'll wear my mask when I need to. I don't wear it all the time. No, but this person was, I think, stuck in a non-do-all.

[35:16]

Yes, stuck in an error. Thank you. Kika, are you there? She's here. I am here. We went through it. Oh, really? Oh, my God. Well, maybe we can get some newbies. Maybe you should ask for newbies first. No, no, no, you're first. Okay, well, I have two questions. I mean, I'm a good person. You're a what? I'm a good person. Yes. And I'm also a bad person. Yes. I've made some mistakes. Yes. Just like the rest of us. Yeah, like everybody. I don't know if there's a question related to it.

[36:18]

Just to say. I want to be forgiven. You're forgiven. Thank you. I want to honor myself. Honor yourself. And I want to honor others. Yes. Another question. I've been reading this book. Well, it's just a book of... And they depict death. Oh, the Japanese, I can't, I don't know what that's called, but... It's a beautiful book. Yes. There was a, back in, I don't know what century it was, but there's a certain kind of... pictures and picture sequences of what happens of hell, right? And all these creatures in the conception of hell.

[37:20]

And they're really, really incredible. They're so incredible. They're just incredible. They give you a visceral feeling. And I just wondered, you know, what is death? What is death? Yes. That's the big question. It's the other side of life and it includes life. It's the other side of birth, you know. But from my understanding, death is and birth is inhaling. Birth and life, birth and death, birth and death is going on continuously. Within each moment of birth is death. Within each moment of birth is death. And that moment in between, which doesn't exist, is life. So life includes birth and death.

[38:24]

It's the letting go and the taking up. The letting go and the taking up. Life does not continue unless there's death. There's no such thing as life without death. This is happening all the time. Within each moment of life is death. And with each moment of death is life. And so that's no birth, no death? And there's no birth or death, really. We split it in two. We call one side life and the other side death. That's an expression complete this moment. Life is an expression. That's an expression complete this moment. Yes. I get it intellectually, but there's no feeling for it. Well, keep it in mind, and you'll stumble into the answer.

[39:24]

Thank you. You're welcome. Sergeant, would you like to take more questions? Oh, yes, sure. Does anybody have a burning question? They could just unmute themselves. It can be a cool question. I wanted to keep it hot. It's a balance between heat and cool. Simba. Simba unmuted himself. Who? Simba? Oh, Simba. Hey, where is Simba? Sergeant, good evening. I'm having some troubles here. Uh-oh. Just hold on. Hold on. Maybe if I keep talking, I will pop up? Yeah, there you are. It's sticking on the pin. Like when I pin someone, it's sticking on the pin and won't go back to speak to you.

[40:25]

It's so great to see you. Me too. Sojourn, I have a question around, so I have one thing I've been struggling with has been letting go. Yes, of what? And so being flexible and open-minded is something that I've been struggling with. And so I've been thinking about doing Tai Chi, changing my diet. And I wanted to ask you if you have any recommendations around how I could use my practice to... Of all those things you mentioned, I would suggest Zazen. But, you know, when you live a long time with certain restrictions, it's hard to allow yourself the freedom without those restrictions, right? Little by little, little by little.

[41:27]

You know, I'm sorry that we don't have the, we can't mingle with each other, you know. This would be a problem for us to mingle with each other. And then when we find that we're accepted, we open more and more and let go of restrictions more and more, right? And then we have to slow down. That's the goal I would like to have with you. Thank you, Sojin. Anytime you would like to have. I really appreciate your, I really appreciate your, you know, it's not easy to enter this practice. It's not easy.

[42:29]

So I encourage you, just continue, because I embrace you wholeheartedly. Anything that you would have to say or do, I'm open to that. Thank you, Sojin. You're welcome. Ross, you want to lower your hand? Let me see if I can fix this through gallery view. And I want to say speaker view. Can you see this? No, not yet. Okay. We're working on it. Okay. I cannot unpin Simba. But it's great looking at him. Yeah, it's very nice to look at him. He's such a handsome guy. You can look at him and listen to me.

[43:31]

I got it, I got it, I got it. I think we should stop on pinning people. Okay, so can you see this? I'm seeing it, yeah. The lion's having a crisis. Yeah, my mother... one of her pastimes was knitting. So she knitted this pillow, you know, leave me alone, I'm having a crisis. And after my parents passed away, I took a few things back to Berkeley with me, including this pillow. Now I'm looking at it and I'm wondering, was I remiss in missing her needs? She was having a crisis. Was I too young, too immature, paying attention? to helping her, and what can I do to help? Okay, let me say something. Please. How long do you think it took her to make that? Long time. So, and how old was she when she started?

[44:35]

Probably about seven or eight. Her whole life was a crisis. You should be ashamed of yourself. Yeah. Well, I'm indebted to her carrying me alone for nine months, and I still carry her with me now. I use it as a foot rest. Anyway, I guess deep down, what can we do to help people? Who have passed away. Oh, they don't need your help. Can they help me? Who knows? You know what? Yes, they help you. Maybe you help them. I can't tell you. I've never been there. Even though I'm there every moment. So, you know, we say,

[45:41]

after you die, you know, nobody's died yet, that's been able to tell us, right? Yes. What it's like? Right. Except that if you really look at your, at your life, you realize you're already dead. I need to look further into that. Yes, you do. Yeah. Suzuki Roshi saying, you know, you should, it's good to say to your parents, there's so much difficulty birthing me or whatever. And I apologize for the trouble I gave you. That's enough. You can say that to the universe because your mother is part of the universe. She is. She is. Actually, she confessed to me that she didn't want to have children.

[46:44]

She just went along with a program for my kids. Yes. That caused you so much trouble. Thank you, Sojin Roshi. Want to say something? Something cool? I think Kabir might have been trying to ask first, is it okay if Kabir goes first? No, you go first. Then you go first. Oh, okay. So, Jinroshi? So, I have a question. Where my office is in North Berkeley, where I work, there are some neighbors who are nearby who... We chat sometimes. This one lady in particular will say hi to me. She often also asks for money.

[47:48]

And at different times, many times I've been happy just to give change if I have it. Sometimes I don't have cash. But what's ended up developing is sometimes now when we interact, I feel like our connection is just a hello and maybe a few sentences. And then she wants to ask for some money. And I want to be. But I also realize that maybe giving money isn't always a help or just giving change isn't a real fundamental help. And I also notice that I feel sort of like an object, like. she only is coming to me for the money and that feels strange so good so more recently i tend to just shyly say no or maybe if i see her walking down the street i'll i'll try to avoid her without making a fuss so i wonder with my bodhisattva about what should i do i want to her and connect with her but

[49:02]

I also feel alienated by this transaction. When you say neighbor, do you mean she lives in a house or she's on the street or what? She lives in the house that's, it's sort of a joining building to my office building. And a few people live exactly their situation. She doesn't seem like she's in crisis, but she I'm sure has problems, serious problems she's dealing with. Yeah. Well, you know, nobody has enough money, right? I mean, she obviously doesn't have enough money, but she's also hooked on give me money. So one thing you can do is say, well, I can give you some money, but I'd like you to earn it. How would you like to earn it? So that puts it back on her looking at herself. I'm happy to give you some money for doing something.

[50:08]

How does that fit with you? Is that okay? And just see what she says. Just see what happens. And then the thing is you want to have a relationship, but you don't want to have a relationship. I mean, you want to have a relationship, but it could be troublesome, right? So you're not sure what relationship it is. So you have to have some skill in knowing how to create the relationship without getting yourself into a problem. And you don't mind giving her, I don't know what, a dollar? in your pocket and you give the change. Sometimes I do that. So that's not the problem. The problem is being hit on, mostly. And then you become the one-armed bandit that is always gay.

[51:18]

She goes, and your change flows out, right? So you don't want to be made a fool of. or be taken advantage of. So if you're going to give her something, she should give you something in exchange, whatever that is. It may not be something . Oh, yeah. Does she thank you when you give her something? I think your connection is slowing, Sojin. Come on. Something's stuck.

[52:23]

Oh, I'm starting to hear you again. Because I don't have the little red thing. i'm okay can we lose surgeon they'll probably bounce back on here i would think thank you you can mute yourself You hear me? Yeah, we hear you. We don't see you yet. You see me? I'm looking for you. Can you hear me? I hear you. Okay. Is that you, Ben?

[53:26]

I don't see you, actually. I hear you, Sojin. Okay, is this good enough? So, does she thank you when you... I'm stable, we're stable. You're muted. But maybe... Just keep it there. Keep it there. Okay, I can hear you, Sojin. I like that one. You hear me? Yes. Oh, okay. Thank you when you give her something. Yes, she does. And so sometimes I feel a little ashamed that I have that I have this reaction that I feel objectified because maybe I just give what I have every time and don't.

[54:39]

It's kind. She does remember I'm married and ask about my wife. She greets my dog. But there's something about the interaction that feels strange and not so. Like we're not actually meeting. Like, I'm something else, but I don't really know how to... Yeah. Well, maybe you can just tell her that. That would be interesting. You know, you ask me for money. I give you something, and usually we earn something. I'm happy to give you the money, but what will you give me in return? I mean, that's a loaded question, but... But some indication of, like, you know, what's going on here? You know, I don't want to be taken advantage of. Every time you see me, you ask me for money. What is our relationship?

[55:43]

What is our relationship, yeah. Thank you, Sojin. You're welcome. Kabir, do you want to say something? Yes, if I could, please. I heard this phrase the other day, self-unity, or united the self. And it was a follow-up to say, if we're in pieces or if we're in conflict within ourselves, then It kind of reminded me of this phrase, house divided, house fall apart. I mean, divide, something like that. So how do you unite the self? There's always conflict within, you know? You need help. Yeah.

[56:46]

Who is the master? I think that's what the battle is about. Well, yes. Who is the master? What do you want to accomplish? I don't know. Well, that's okay. That's good. which sometimes is better than this or that. So I think that's the question that you could be working with. What do I want to accomplish? You have family, two children, wife, two children. You have your work.

[57:47]

I think you're still working. Yes. And you have your practice. Yes. Zen practice. So what do you want to accomplish? What you're saying is how do you bring it all together? Yes. You just have to keep asking yourself that question. How do I bring this all together? And who is the master? What do I mean by master? Not mastery, but not domination, but knowing what you're doing, feeling confident in what you're doing. So what's there to feel unconfident about? Is there some other thing that you want to do?

[58:49]

that you're not doing, or that you'd like to be doing, or escaping from, or? Yeah, I mean, or certain things that I wish to do, or I like to do, or I wanted to do, or I used to do, I could have done, that I can, right? You know, should have, could have, would have, or, right? I mean, so, it's a buffet. Yes. This is one of the problems that we have, is too much choice. Yes. Yes. This is the 21st century problem, which is also the 20th century problem, which is too much choice. Yes. So that's a big problem. In order to do this, you have to not do that. In order to have this, you cannot have that. So we wanna have our cake and eat it too, it's called.

[59:51]

Sometimes that's okay. You have to make some choices. And you can make choices on the basis of this is what I have. How do I do what I have without wanting something else? This is a question of contentment. These are the choices that I have made. And so this is the way my karma goes. If you if you go with the choices you have made, good or bad, right or wrong, these are the choices you made. And if you go with the choices you made, you see into yourself much better. Zazen is to see into yourself. And why you sit Zazen every day is because it's the only time you really see into yourself completely.

[60:57]

You should sit Zazen every day because all the rest is changing. You know, all the rest is a dream. Zazen is time out of the dream. And you have that advantage. of not being stuck in the dream. So because you're not stuck in the dream, you know how to take care of the dream. Because you're not a victim of the dream, you know how to take care of the dream. And the dream is my family and my work. It's not a bad dream, it's a good dream. It's a good dream. It's a good karmic dream. It's a good dream that creates good karma. So when you put your attention and say, this is what I have to take care of.

[62:03]

I will miss all those other things that I can't have. Too bad. I can't have all those things. But this is what I have. And if I really take care of what I have will support me and make me happy if I know how to do it. It's called commitment. Commitment is as in, and commitment to your family. That's called practice. Without commitment, there's no such thing as practice. It's not this practice. This practice is commitment. Doesn't matter whether it's good or bad, right or wrong, this and that.

[63:11]

The one thing that is consistent and constant is Zazen. And expressing your Zazen In your life, that's called good practice, good karma. Tough, not easy. Adversity is our companion. Don't knock it. You know, Buddha says life is unbearable at times.

[64:14]

The reason why is because of all the choices we have to deal with, which stimulate our ego. Chris? Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Chris, you've got to unmute yourself. In terms of choices in understanding the Dharma, a practice is clear and it's more difficult to do consistently. In terms of understanding choices in the Dharma, a lot of sutras, including the Genjo Koan, and by reading two different versions, translations of the Platform Sutra, I was, that was beneficial, more beneficial than just reading one.

[65:18]

But unfortunately I missed a class that Hozan Sensei had taught about the Platform Sutra a few years ago. But, and then, Looking for the next sutra, I'm wrestling with a koan that leads me to the Nirvana Sutra. And in the Nirvana Sutra, there's multiple versions. There's the accepted Mahayana version. There's also a Chinese translator who has a version who, for some reason, for many reasons, I suppose, the Mahayana people who decide things over the centuries decided that that was less applicable. Would you consider offering a Dharma class on the Nirvana Sutra? And also, the second part of that question is, is there a Dharma Sutra that speaks to you, that you have enjoyed and drawn from? The sutra that I am most

[66:28]

Trustful of is called Zen Mind Beginner's Mind. Really accessible. Nirvana Sutra, you know, when Buddhism came to China, after a couple of centuries, all the sutras are supposed to be Buddha's words, right? That's what a sutra is. It's Buddha's words all tied together. And then pretty soon they were getting all these sutras from India that were contradicting each other. And then it took a while later they realized maybe these aren't really the words of Shakyamuni Buddha. Every sutra is translated by two or three different people and from different countries and have different ways of when you're also putting yourself into the translation.

[67:42]

It's inevitable. So we usually read commentaries. I mean, you can discuss sutra forever. and put off practice main thing is practice the sutra that really emphasizes practice is the best sutra so it's not like some intellectual thing and practice on one side and practice on the other so for america and when uh when the platform sutra was developed people said that Huynang was the Chinese Buddha, the indigenous Buddha of China, his sixth ancestor, Huynang. He was the first person that was considered Buddha. So I consider Suzuki Roshi Buddha.

[68:47]

My Buddha is Suzuki Roshi and my sutra is Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, and Not Always So, and his chapters. He wasn't trying to do that, but that's the way it turned out. For me, studying Suzuki Roshi's teaching, every time you read that sutra, you go deeper and deeper into understanding. The value of a good sutra is when it keeps giving. and giving, and it only keeps giving and giving if you keep practicing and practicing it. So for me, Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, or not always so, American Sutra, California Sutra. So please study that, and it encourages your practice.

[69:51]

It's all about, it's not a theoretical, it's all about how you practice. You're welcome. Excuse me, Susan Marvin, would you still like to say something? I saw the time, so I lowered my hand. OK, speak. You want me to ask my question? All right. The time is just made up, you know, I know. Sojourn Roshi. You still have to go to bed. Please ask your question. You always ask a good question. Sojourn Roshi. Yes. You are so jolly these days. What is it? Well, I don't know. I mean, you kind of look like a convict in that new beard. Yeah, I'm kind of a convict. But you're so jolly. What is it?

[70:51]

Well, when I interact with everybody, it makes me jolly. You know, every time you ask a question, it just energizes me. So that's really good. So that's why I like to interact with everybody. It just energizes me. It's just being with you energizes me. So if it's me, it's... What? It's not just me, it's us. Well, you weren't always that jolly. I always have been. It's actually they. I'm they. I appreciate it. I like us better. Yes. It's very contagious. I think especially in these times, it's really good to laugh.

[71:56]

Yes. I mean, at 91, on Wednesday. Right. That makes me laugh. You know, I always look forward to seeing how old I could get. But the problem with that is that when you think that way, you actually keep getting older. Well, thank you very much. Thank you. I think we're done unless somebody else wants to. Well, I think we should quit now. Yeah.

[72:38]

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