Good morning. Well, this morning is the last day of our seven-day rohatsu seshin, celebrating Shakyamuni Buddha's enlightenment. So we've been sitting here for seven days. I remember I used to count the days, but That was a long time ago. Three, is it four? Now it's just all one long piece of time. So after the talk, we're going to have a celebration, a ceremony, where we offer some of us offer incense, flowers, and circumambulate the zendo, tossing flowers.

[01:01]

That's nice. So, right now, I'm going to give a talk. Hopefully, it will correspond with enlightenment. Suzuki Roshi gave a talk one time. It's a well-known talk because people bring it up all the time. It's called giving your sheep or your cow a wide area to roam in. Of course, the sheep and the cow means your mind. And he starts out by saying, to live in the realm of Buddha nature means to die as a small being moment by moment. To live in the realm of Buddha nature is to die as a small being moment by moment.

[02:12]

Now you can all go home and ponder the meaning of this statement. But it's actually true, because learning how to die is to learn how to live, and learning how to live is to learn how to die. So I don't mind using the word die, although it does not correspond to what actually happens. It's just a word that we use when we don't see anybody anymore. When somebody disappears, we say they died. But that's just a figure of speech. We don't know what happens. We've been sitting here for seven days, learning how to let go. So Zazen is the practice of letting go of our small self and allowing

[03:18]

our cosmic or big self or Buddha nature or Dharmakaya or whatever you want to call it. It has many names, many names, because we see this mystery from many different sides. Sometimes we use a name for this side and sometimes we use a name looking at it from that side. It's like a big, dark space that's full of light. A brilliantly shining darkness called light. And we just allow ourselves to expand into that space. So the bigger our self, the harder it is to expand into that space. So sometimes we say, in order to, we have to walk through that small door.

[04:29]

We have to enter through the small door. So in order to enter through the small door, we have to get smaller. And then as we get smaller, we expand. And the smaller we get, the larger we become. That's the way it works. So he says, when we lose our balance, we die. But at the same time, we also develop ourselves and we grow.

[05:34]

So everything is created by its opposite. Opposites create each other. We lose our balance. And then he also said, everything is continually falling out of balance and finding its balance. I've talked about this a lot. There's something called, well, I'll get to that, the unwobbling pivot. The unwobbling pivot is like a blank sheet of paper. There's nothing there. Because when something is perfectly balanced, nothing happens. The only way something happens is when it falls out of balance. As soon as the unwobbling pivot leans over, then it becomes eccentric.

[06:37]

So the unwobbling pivot is concentric. It means it's totally perfectly centered. totally and perfectly centered. So nothing's happening. Zazen is like that, but it's also, it contains its eccentricity. Suzuki Hiroshi liked eccentricity. When I say liked, it means it adds interest to our life. So when the pivot leans over, It starts to move. That's when movement begins. That's when interest begins. So we're both concentric beings and eccentric beings. We look at somebody who does funny things and we say, oh, he's so eccentric. But we're all eccentric. So leaning over and moving is what creates waves.

[07:40]

It's like the water is very still, and when you throw the pebble in, it creates waves. And as Suzuki Roshi says, waves are the expression of the water. But when the water is very still, you really like that. Alexandra talked yesterday about being out on the still water of the lake with her father, watching the fish, very much like Dogen, Tencho Koan, watching the fish deep in the water, swimming. They don't know that they're in the water because their life is totally in water. Their life is totally wet. And we're the same. we don't realize the radiant light, which is the environment that we live in, because it's so all-pervading.

[08:46]

We don't see what's in front of us as it is. So Suzuki Roshi says, the practice, Buddha's practice is just to see everything the way it really is, which is really hard. We always see mostly we see through our picture of what we see. We create a picture of what we see. To see everything without our comparative mind and without with bare attention. We rarely have bare attention because we're always thinking about what something is. When we have bare attention, we may not know what, we may not have a name for something, but we see it more clearly.

[09:51]

When we have a name for something, we don't necessarily see it clearly. We see it as, oh, I know what that is. It's a table. But actually, it's not a table. We just say it's a table because we agree that it is a table because we name it table. And when we look at each other, oh, I know him, oh, I know her because of our experience. But we tend to elaborate our experience and make definitions based on our picture. So in Zazen, we let go of that naming activity. Sometimes people do meditation practices and they name whatever comes up. They name their feelings or emotions or thoughts. In Zazen, we don't do that. We don't give anything a name so that we can see it or experience it more clearly.

[10:55]

So we keep our eyes open. We keep our ears open. All of our senses are totally open and receptive, but we don't try to see or try to hear. We just let seeing see. Hearing hears. Smelling smells. Tasting tastes. Feeling feels. But there's no center that names them. So this is letting go of the small self. The small self is what makes everything happen. The small self is the eccentric. That's not to say that it's bad. It's simply creating a picture of life and our experience of life. The unwavering pivot is beyond our experience. but it's the source of our life.

[11:58]

It's like drinking plain water instead of Coke. Plain water, very plain water. But when you're really thirsty, that water, there's nothing better in the world than that water, which makes me... Excuse me. I wish you could all taste this. So he says, whatever we see is changing and losing its balance. The reason everything looks beautiful is because it is out of balance. But its background is always in perfect harmony.

[13:02]

So the background is the unwavering pivot. The background of our life is the unwobbling pivot, sometimes expressed as the blank screen. On the blank screen, nothing's happening, but we have the projector and the movie and the light, and as soon as we project something onto the screen, what we call life begins. But actually, life is what we call life is activity and dreams and thoughts and feelings. So when we sit zazen, all that activity, that eccentricity, that dream life passes through, passes over the unwavering pivot, which is our zazen.

[14:08]

sitting still. That's the background and the source. We can live without the dream, but it's not as interesting. So we choose the dream because it creates interest in our life. So both are necessary, both the background, which is the unwavering pivot, and the eccentricity, which is living in our dream. And we even promote the dream. We should follow our dreams, right? That's the American way. Excuse me, I don't want to denigrate America. Please don't take offense. It's the American dream to follow your dreams. And the pursuit of happiness. Happiness, we can pursue happiness, but it brings a lot of suffering, unfortunately, because we don't know what happiness is.

[15:21]

I don't say everybody doesn't know, but by pursuing happiness, we neglect reality often. So, we create all kinds of happinesses that we should pursue. And we can be happy killing each other. Anyway, I think the pursuit of reality is probably more interesting. That's dharma. Dharma is the pursuit of happiness. But if you pursue, I mean, the pursuit of reality, but if you pursue it, you stumble past it. So it's a very tricky and rarefied kind of understanding because if you go after it, it eludes you. That's why when we practice Dazen, we're not pursuing anything.

[16:24]

We're not pursuing enlightenment. Practice begins with enlightenment. Because of enlightenment, you start to practice. And then the rest is a gradual practice. If I say gradual, it means step-by-step. It doesn't mean step-by-step, it means moment-by-moment. It means living your life one moment at a time, thoroughly. That's practice. That's practicing, not seeking reality, but practicing reality. But reality is also very elusive. So, to die, to let our ego die, bit by bit, Sometimes, you know, we have a big awakening, we say, that's enlightenment, and we drop everything and there's not a place to stand on.

[17:26]

That's good to have that. It's good to have enlightenment experiences. Problem is, when we seek or have an enlightenment experience, it may not be truly an enlightenment experience. because the true enlightenment experience is when you're fully present washing the dishes. The reason we seek for some enlightened experience is because we don't, because our dream doesn't include the mundane aspects of life as the most valuable. So when we express our understanding of enlightenment, enlightenment doesn't mean that you know anything. Not knowing is enlightenment.

[18:29]

But we think that enlightenment is knowing. And how can enlightenment be not knowing? Not knowing is the highest form of knowing. That's why when we sit sadhana, we let go of knowledge. There's nothing wrong with knowledge. Knowledge is good. Everything has its place. But enlightened activity is letting go of everything. So that's why Suzuki Roshi says, to live in the realm of Buddha nature means to die as a small being moment by moment. So that's our practice, to die as a small being moment by moment so as to be full of life. So he says to go forward one mile, I'm sorry, wrong page, but that was a good page.

[19:37]

So, the reason everything looks beautiful is because it is out of balance, but its background is always in perfect harmony. This is how everything exists in the realm of Buddha nature, losing its balance against the background of perfect balance. So, if we see things without realizing the background of Buddha nature, everything appears to be in the form of suffering. Right, it's because not having what we want is suffering. Having what we don't want is suffering. Being where we don't want to be is suffering. Not being where we want to be is suffering. So this kind of understanding, this kind of dualistic life is what produces suffering. Being born and dying. So I'm going to get to being born and dying because we tend to think that being born is good.

[20:48]

I mean, it isn't always good, but generally, we think that's good. And we think dying is not good. Dying is bad. When we think in those dualistic terms, not everybody thinks that way, and we don't always think that way. But basically that's the duality, the good and the bad, and the right and the wrong. How come I have to die when I like life so much? So this is our dream, you know, the dream is to live forever, which is not a bad dream, and it's not necessarily wrong, but we don't necessarily understand what it means to live forever. And we speculate on what it means to be, if we're good, we'll go to heaven, and if we're bad, we'll go to hell. That's not untrue. But heaven and hell are right here. There's not some other place. It depends on what kind of glasses we have.

[21:53]

So we look at something through a certain kind of glass, and it looks terrible. And we look at something else, and somebody else looks at it through the same glasses, and it looks great. So is it good or is it bad? Is it right or is it wrong? Then nothing is fixed. There's nothing that's fixed. It's just the way we see things. And the way we see things is from the way we understand things, or understand ourself. Each one of us has a student. We're all teachers, and each one of us has a student. And our student is our own mind. Our own mind is our student. And how we take care of our own mind how we teach ourself and learn from ourself is what we're doing.

[22:56]

If we know how to do that, then we can maybe teach somebody else, not by teaching, but by being ourself. So we're always teaching something because we're always expressing something, and we either hurt people or we help them, or we hurt ourself or we help ourself. We either become part of universal life or we limit our universal life to ourself. When we limit our universal life to ourself, called self-centeredness, then we have a problem. Don't ask yet. I mean, you can ask, but I still want to continue what I'm talking. Teacher is what? Yes. Yes, the mind is teaching itself.

[24:01]

Actually, when we let go of the mind, our full nature is teaching us. Yes, so sometimes the mind fools us. And then which mind is it that's teaching? That's a big question. So, today's a short talk, unfortunately. But, Oh, you want to let me know it's 10 minutes late. Yeah, I'm not ready for questions. No, thanks. So I wanted to talk about, I just wanted to say, so Dogen, I mean, Dogen, Suzuki Roshi says, to give your sheep or cow a large spacious meadow is the way to control your cow or your sheep.

[25:08]

He says him, but actually a cow is not a him. So it is with people. First, let them do what they want and watch them. This is the best policy. To ignore them is not good, and that is the worst policy. The second worst is trying to control them. The best one is to watch them, just to watch them without trying to control them. Then he says, the same way works for you yourself as well. If you want to obtain perfect calmness in your zazen, you should not be bothered by the various images you find in your mind, and let them come and let them go, then they will be under control. But this policy is not so easy. It sounds easy, but it requires some special effort. How to make this kind of effort is the secret of practice. Suppose you are sitting under some extraordinary circumstances. If you try to calm your mind, you will be unable to sit, and if you try not to be disturbed, your effort will not be the right effort.

[26:11]

So the only effort that will help you is to count your breathing or to concentrate on your inhaling and exhaling. We say concentration, but to concentrate your mind on something is not the purpose of Zen. The true purpose is to see things as they are and to observe things as they are and to let everything go as it goes and come as it comes. This is to put everything under control in its widest sense. So Zen practice is to open up our small mind, and so concentrating is not just a need to help you realize big mind, or the mind that is everything. If you want to discover the true meaning of Zen in your everyday life, you have to understand the meaning of keeping your mind on your breathing and your body in the right posture in Zazen. You should follow the rules of practice, and your study should become more subtle and careful. So only in this way can you experience the vital freedom of Zen.

[27:17]

So I want to talk about this. People often talk about reactivity. Reactivity attaches our mind to what it is that we're reactive to. That's attachment. If someone insults you, you react and you become attached to that person. You become attached to that subject. And when we feel all kinds of intrusions, we react to those intrusions. Pain is an intrusion. Bad talk is an intrusion. All kinds of things are intrusions into our body. our mind and our feelings, and then we react to those intrusions one way or another. So, the way to deal with intrusion, in that sense, death is an intrusion also on our life.

[28:26]

That's the big intrusion. And what that does, that reactivity limits our possibilities. It totally limits our possibilities and then we become smaller and our mind becomes, our small mind becomes bigger and our big mind becomes smaller. So how to maintain our big mind when we're in a world of intrusions is to open our mind instead of closing down. This is the secret of Zazen. We learn everything we have to know in Zazen. It's all there. And in Zazen, we have many intrusions, pain, feelings, thoughts, weariness, on and on. And we have to open our mind to include everything.

[29:28]

If you don't open your mind to include everything, you suffer. And it's the same thing in your daily life. How do I encompass all this crazy stuff that's going on in the world without committing suicide? Well, you can commit suicide. That's okay, as long as it's your small self. Actually, Buddhadharma is suicide. because you're killing, I don't say killing, you're reducing your ego down as far as it will go. So the ego can serve you instead of controlling you. The ego can serve the world as long as it's not dominating and as long as it's not controlling you. You can use it. You can use everything.

[30:31]

You can use anger. as long as it's not ill will. Anger is not always ill will. Anger comes up. Every feeling comes up. So instead of indulging the feeling, we control the feeling so that it works for us. Anger, you make it work for you. You make love work for you instead of dominating you. This is called control. But it's not like you're controlling it. It's simply you're expanding to include everything. When you have an intrusion, you just expand to include it. And so you get bigger and bigger. And your small self gets smaller and smaller. And then there's the idea of at the end of your life, what about the big intrusion called death?

[31:33]

Well, there are many, many ways we think about death. Heaven and hell, various heavens, Buddhists have various heavens too. Everything that we think of beyond this world of consciousness is speculation. So everybody has a great idea about what happens after death, except that it's all speculation. So it's okay if it comforts us. You can think about angels and devas and this and that, and it's wonderful that you're comforted because that's helpful. So I don't say don't do that. Who am I, right? But to look at the reality, how do we accept the reality without creating a fantasy? So some people say, well, I remember Kadagiri said, when you die, you just die.

[32:36]

And that's true. But it's not completely true. I mean, it is true. When you're alive, you're completely alive. And when you're dead, you're completely dead. What do you do when that happens? Because we don't like it. So how do you keep an open mind which is knowing that this is inevitable, unavoidable? Everybody does it. We all do it. How do we do this thing? Because it's an intrusion. I don't want to keep doing it. So, Dogen says, without wanting, without clinging to life and without clinging to death, how do you stay in the middle? And open yourself to what? to trust, to simply trust, this is what?

[33:46]

I don't know. How do you stay in I don't know with composure? So the way we live our life is the way we keep our composure all the way through. without falling into fantasy, without falling into false securities. How can you feel totally secure? In what? And open. So when we sit dozen, that's what we do. We don't know what's gonna happen next. We let go of everything, all securities, Every security, we just go to our breath and keep our back straight and open up. And our zazen is an offering.

[34:48]

It's how we offer ourself to the universe. It's dying and coming to life moment by moment. Because birth and death are not opposites, are opposites, but life and death are not opposites. Life contains both birth and death. So birth is in death, and death is in birth, and we experience it moment by moment. And how do we allow ourselves to experience reality of birth and death, and inhaling and exhaling and sitting up straight moment by moment? And when we offer ourself in Zazen, there's no security, no protection, except we're totally secure and totally present. And trust, what else can you trust in? We can think up stuff in our head to trust in, but to simply trust in the universe, which is, we don't belong to this body and mind.

[35:58]

But nevertheless, we like it. So we cooperate. You know, I realized the other day when I was thinking about this, that it's called a covenant. It means I trust you and you trust me. That's as far as I can go. And I'm not taking any questions.

[36:34]

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