Good morning. So first, I have not been wearing a watch since the shooting, like I usually do, because I haven't been doing something where I really needed to know what time it was during the day. So if you would let me know at least 10 minutes before whatever the end is, that would be helpful. Thank you. So I thought to start today, I'd like to I'd like to recite the practice principles that Joe Kobach developed. In our sitting group that we have on Monday evenings in Pleasant Hill, after we do Zazen, and before we start our discussion and reading of whatever we're studying at the moment, we recite these. So I know that there's some people here who know them, and if you want to join me, please do. Caught in the self-centered dream, only suffering.

[01:04]

Holding to self-centered thoughts, exactly the dream. Each moment, life as it is, the only teacher. Being just this moment, compassion's way. So a couple days ago, or earlier this week, I was talking to Sojin Roshi and I was telling him how this will be the first June Sashin since I started my cooking practice here, that I haven't been in the kitchen, and that I was really missing that. And then a couple of days ago, I thought, when I knew I was going to be getting a talk during Sashin, I started thinking, well, preparing a talk is a little bit like preparing a meal. You have to think about what it's going to be, what you're going to serve or fix or talk about. You have to look at some cookbooks.

[02:09]

And use your own experience, too, of what you've done in the past. And just kind of your own knowledge, also. And talk to people and see what might work. used my experience as I said. And then I was thinking about that and then yesterday I think it was when Sojin was talking about Buddhism in Japan and coming here and he did refer to Zazen as the main course of the meal. So I thought that was a nice connection. And I started thinking that a talk is not the main meal. It's really like an appetizer. It's something for us to taste and maybe it'll get juices flowing, maybe not. We'll just kind of see and just see what happens here.

[03:12]

Also, I was thinking about the difference with this talk with some of my others is that there wasn't a lot of tasting as it was going on, so we shall see. Maybe you're going someplace or having company over. You don't usually prepare something for the first time. It's something you've tried. But we're all going to be doing this together. So I'm glad we're all here. So we're halfway through this five-day Sashina at this point. For some people, it's their first day here. For others, it's day two, for some of us. For some of us, it's the third day, and almost halfway through the third day. I'm just thinking about what we're all doing here. And it's also the end, it's the final week of our six-week practice period. And how has that been for everybody, for all of us that have been doing that? A lot of us have been sitting here pretty regularly during these past six weeks.

[04:15]

So I've been thinking about that. And what are we doing here? Why are we here today? and the other days that we've been coming. And I think it really varies for each of us. We all come with different things and different experiences and reasons for coming to Sashim. And I'm aware of all the arrangements that we all have to make just to get here with work or family, other responsibilities we might have that we need to take care of in order to be able to in some ways set that part of our life aside for the moment so that we may come here to practice and to follow the schedule here. So Suzuki Roshi says,

[05:22]

Sashi means to have proper functioning of mind. It is our five senses and our will, our small monkey mind, which should be controlled. When we control our monkey mind, we resume our true big mind. When monkey mind is always taking over the activity of big mind, we naturally become a monkey. So monkey mind must have its boss, which is big mind. However, when we practice Zazen, it is not that Big Mind is actually controlling Small Mind, but simply that when Small Mind becomes calm, Big Mind starts its true activity. Most of the time in our everyday life, we are involved in the activity of Small Mind. That is why we should try to practice Zazen and be completely involved in resuming Big Mind. A good example of our practice is a turtle, which has four legs, a head, and a tail. Six parts of the body, which are sometimes outside of the shell and sometimes inside.

[06:28]

When you want to eat or go somewhere, your legs are out. But if they are always out, you will be caught by something. In case of danger, you draw in your legs, head, and tail. The six parts refer to the five senses and the mind. This is sashim. for one week or for us three to five days, our head, tail and legs are inside the shell. In the scriptures it says that even demons cannot destroy us if the six parts of our body are inside the shell. So I think we are learning to calm our small mind so that we can resume the big mind and we can also say that the Skavitcher would realize the ordinary mind of the way that we've been studying this practice period, too. In the Thursday class that we were doing during the practice period that some of us were participating in, we were studying Dogen Zazenshin, and part of that was the story of Baso and his teacher, Nangaku, and his response about practice.

[07:47]

So the question had been about why we're sitting, or what are you trying to, are you trying to become anything by sitting? And part of his teacher's response was, if someone has hitched his or her cart to an ox and the cart's not moving, which do you hit? And we talked about that, and in this story, Sojin was talking about how the ox is like our mind or our will and the ox is our practice and it's our body. So we were talking about hitting or prodding the cart to move it along. So we work with our practice, with our body. The mind we're setting aside for right now. We're going to work with the body, practice, to see if that will get things moving.

[08:48]

So, what does it mean to, you know, what are we practicing with here in Sashim? We're following the schedule. It's posted in many places and we have clappers that remind us when to come in for the next period of Sazen or when the next event is. So we're, that's I believe that's number one on the Sashin Guidelines, is follow the schedule. And we're sitting Zazen throughout the day and or doing our assigned positions that we have here, which help this whole Sashin happen that supports everybody in some ways that are visible and some not so visible. And when we come to Sashin, we really don't know what it's going to be like. Each time Each Sashin is a new Sashin. Sometimes if we've done this before, we may have had experiences of both difficulty and maybe some openings that have happened during Sashin.

[09:55]

And that may prompt us to do it again, you know, sign up again on the bulletin board and come to Sashin and see what happens that time. So I think we learn to trust the Sashin practice. I'll speak for myself, and especially in the multi-day Sashins, I can remember those days that were so hard, and thinking, I don't know why I'm here, or I'm so sleepy, I just want to lie down. And I remember days that were not like that, that were feelings of connection with everybody doing Sashin, feelings of things dropping away so that I could just be with the moment that was happening. So I think we develop a faith with that and that that often brings us back to Sachine. And I think when we do that, when we allow ourselves to come fit and not have expectations, perhaps that's the way to discover what

[11:08]

what true practice is. So again from Suzuki Roshi, we talk about enlightenment, but in its true sense, perfect enlightenment is beyond our understanding, beyond our experience. Even in our imperfect practice, enlightenment is there. We just don't know it. So the point is to find the true meaning of practice before we attain enlightenment. Wherever you are, enlightenment is there. If you stand up right where you are, that is enlightenment. This is called, I don't know Zazen. We don't know what Zazen is anymore. I don't know who I am. To find complete composure When you don't know who you are or where you are, that is to accept things as it is.

[12:13]

Even though you don't know who you are, you accept yourself. That is the you in the true sense. We hear the phrase from Suzuki Roshi about things as it is, and I was realizing when When I was saying the lines of Jo Kovach earlier, too, there's a point in there where she says, each moment, life as it is, the only teacher, being just this moment, compassion's way. And that made me think about the things as it is. I think they're talking about the same thing. And also I think that in talking here about not knowing what Zazen is, but to just go ahead and do it, to come here and sit and see what happens and not worry about enlightenment, also reminded me of the Genjo Koan and the line that says, if a bird or a fish tries to reach the end of its element before moving in it, this bird or this fish will not find its way or place.

[13:32]

So we need to practice And we need to do sadhana. And we don't need to understand what it is before we sit down on our cushion or our chair or lie down or however we're doing our sadhana. We just need to do it first. So we could also express this as how we need to live our lives, each of us, and this will allow us to find our place and to express and experience this way that we've been talking about. And of course one of the main things we do here in Sashin is we sit Zazen.

[14:38]

And I found a talk by Suzuki Roshi from 1970 that's called Whole Body Zazen. And I'd like to share parts of that with you. He says, check to see that each part of your body is doing zazen independently. This is also known as shikantaza. To think I am doing zazen or my body is doing zazen is wrong understanding. It is a self-centered idea. The mudra is especially important. You should not feel as if you are resting your mudra on the heel of your foot for your own convenience. Your mudra should be placed in its own position. Don't move your legs for your own convenience. Your legs are practicing their own zazen independently, and you are complete, and, I'm gonna read that again. Your legs are practicing their own Zazen independently and are completely involved in their own pain.

[15:46]

They are doing Zazen through pain. You should allow them to practice their own Zazen. If you think you are practicing Zazen, you are involved in some selfish, egotistical idea. If you think that you have some difficulty in some part of your body, then the rest of the body should help the part of the body that is having difficulty. You are not having difficulty with some part of your body, but the part of the body is having difficulty. For example, your mudra is having difficulty. Your whole body should help your mudra do zazen. The entire universe is doing zazen in the same way that your body is doing zazen. When all parts of your body are practicing zazen, then that is how the whole universe practices Zazen. Each mountain and each river is going and flowing independently.

[16:47]

All parts of the universe are participating in their practice. The mountains practice independently. The river practices independently. Thus the whole universe practices independently. And we do this often over and over again. And we experience each moment fresh. We focus on our posture, being upright, with just enough tension in our body to maintain this posture. We exhale completely when we exhale. We let go. We say we die with each exhalation. Then after the exhalation, there's a natural in-breath.

[17:51]

There's an inhalation. We're here. We're going to do this again. So we inhale and exhale. And in this process, you can experience a letting go. What does that mean? We often, in our Zazen instruction, we talk about letting go of thoughts and emotions. It doesn't mean pushing them away. It means not grasping or un-opening the body and the mind and letting things be. I think I used to think that you would do that, or I would do that, and they would kind of flitter off, but they don't always do that. They may just stay there. But if we're not grasping or holding tight to them, that's a different experience. So I think our intention is the opening up and the not grasping.

[18:55]

And we come back to this posture and breath over and over again. Because our thoughts will arise and the emotions will come. In addition to doing Zazen during Sashin, there is a lot of activity in this stillness. There are all these other positions that are happening. There's people in the kitchen preparing our meals, feeding us. doing their mindful practice as they're cutting vegetables or stirring the pots, measuring ingredients for the salad dressing, saying yes to whatever the head cook asks them to do. It's another opportunity just to drop things and just do what is being asked in that moment. And then the servers come in and serve the meals.

[19:59]

And servers, again, it's about paying attention in each moment to who you're serving, to what the pots are, moving through the zendo. It's definitely this wonderful flow just to watch the meals being served and to be on the receiving end. And to get to be a server and to meet each person wholeheartedly is wonderful. And we have the dough on Rio. the Doan, the Fukudo, and the Kokyo, leading us in service with the Doshi, and working with harmonizing all the instruments, including our voices. And we've been working on that a lot this Sesshin, which has been wonderful, how to fine-tune our practice, our chanting practice. And it really, all of this involves listening to ourselves, but also always listening to everyone else. following that lead and rhythm.

[21:03]

Some of the other positions that happen in sashimi, the dishwashers, somehow these meals get served in all these pots, everything goes back to the kitchen, and then you go in a couple hours later and everything's back the way it was. And it's really an amazing process. But again, it's a lot of hard work. but people that really pay attention to what they're doing and work as a team to get all that done. It's quite wonderful. And the bathrooms get cleaned during the day. We're stocked with the supplies we need in there. People are paying attention to so many things. People sweeping the porch. The person who goes around checking that the doors are locked. Keeping an eye on all the residents' apartments is very important. the sheikahs who seat people, rearrange the chairs, and we have the work leader and the sasheen director both working behind the scenes doing all sorts of things that we don't even know about just to make sure that everything happens when it should and as it should.

[22:12]

And we hear over and over about that doing one thing thoroughly is true practice. So we have all these opportunities in Sashim to do that, which I think is a wonderful part of this practice that we're doing together. We talk about our forms, too. Some of the forms that we have are within the things that I just spoke of. But there are other things we do that are, some are subtle, some are more noticeable. We do our bows to our seat. And I didn't time that, but thank you all. And that worked out just right. How we exit the Zen Dome. And where we put our shoes when we're going to come into the Zen Dome. There's all these little things that we learn as we're first coming here.

[23:16]

of what to do and it helps things flow smoothly during the day. And how we're walking on the grounds and we have the guidelines that we follow about how to use the different places here during our rest periods and what to do if we have problems. So all these things I think are important. The forms give us the structure in which we can practice. And I think it takes care of some of these things so we just don't have to think about them. How should I walk? How should I do this? Someone will tell you and you just do it then. And it's a way of letting go of thinking about that at all. So I think that that is good. And of course we have forms in other parts of our lives too. In our own homes. You know, sometimes we notice that more when we go to someone else's home.

[24:18]

We may say, oh, they do things like that. Hmm, that's different. Or in our workplaces, definitely we experience that. You go to a new job, you have to learn kind of what the way is there and how things are done. And as a teacher, certainly in classrooms, those of you that are teachers, or have been teachers, or parents of kids that have been in different grades throughout their lives, you know that there's a great variety there. In my current role as a teacher, I go into other people's classrooms, so I really get to see a lot of different ways of doing things. And I think that it's all ways to kind of help kids, or any of us, kind of just move through their day follow their schedule and have some things taken care of and some things are done in a way to help them.

[25:19]

So I think it's good to have some structure. I was reminded of a time a long time ago when I actually did have my own classroom at a high school in Richmond. And it was a special day class, which means I worked with all grades in the high school, 9 through 12. received kids or students from two different junior highs or middle school. And it was really interesting because I could kind of tell which school they came from or which classroom. At that time it was the same. There was a period where it was, there was some continuity in who was the teacher I was receiving kids from, from each of those schools. So I'd get some kids that would come in as ninth graders and not do anything or make any movements unless I prompted them. Well, it's time to do such and such and then they would get up and do it. And very quiet, very kind of nervous, maybe a little very still and not used to making their own movements or doing anything kind of on their own.

[26:34]

And then the other junior high where the kids came from was the opposite. I'd have kids come in that would just be laughing, and they'd come and just kind of lounge all over the place, and they'd come up and kind of hang on me. It was really interesting to have two such diverse theater schools, and that happened for a while. And during that time, I was well aware that my way of thinking about all this in the high school class that I had. Because often, unless they knew that the kids were going to be with me for four years, was definitely finding some middle ground with that. Because as I said, I think structure of some forms are really important, but at the same time, it was important to let the kids find out who they were. So, not be so rigid that they couldn't

[27:38]

find their way at all, but give them some structure in which they could do that. And I think that was important. And I've seen that in other places, too. And I know both that Sojin has said, and I can remember reading about Suzuki Roshi, too, that as we follow the forms, they still all talked how we were all still expressing ourselves, because we all have our own personalities, and it's not that we're all going to become these robots here. We can tell when you can hear footsteps, and sometimes you know who it is. And sometimes, kind of linked to this, can be that in Sashim, We're doing our Zazen. We're following these forms and structure.

[28:42]

And sometimes some of the difficulty we have is with other people doing their things, like as I just said, walking in the Zendo. And sometimes, I don't know about you, but I've had 10 minutes left. Oh. OK. Interesting. I thought I was going to have like, what, 30 minutes ahead of time. So thank you. Anyway, I think just that our experience in Sasheen can really vary day to day. I've had the experience where, as a Sasheen director, when I was a Sasheen director and I'd sit up here and I'd be facing out, I could actually see a lot of things too. So there could be one day when I would see, maybe somebody would come in and do something at their seat, which was the same every time, and I would just think, you know, I would be really annoyed by it for some reason.

[29:49]

Like, it was like, why is that happening? You know, it's like, oh my goodness. And then another day it would be, look at him, there he is, sitting down just like that. It's just so, So, you know, again, I don't know about you, but I have those days that are so different. Everything is on edge. Everything drives me crazy. And other days, it's like, I really felt like I was in love with every single person in the room. And my Oreoki bowls would be just glowing, you know. And it varies. And so we have all kinds of experiences with that. And it just changes. So let me see, I wanted to read something from Joko Beck, but I'm going to decide now which one. I don't think I have time for both. So I think I'll read this, and then we'll have time for questions.

[30:49]

Of course, no matter how long we have been practicing, there are parts of life that seem muddled or confused. I don't know quite what's going on here, but to be willing to be muddled and confused is, paradoxically, the clarity itself. Over and over, I hear from my students. Right now, I feel confused about my practice, a little nervous. I don't seem to be able to get things clear. What do we do then? In fact, all of life is like that. For each of us, every day presents periods like that. What do we do? Instead of trying to figure out the confusion and nervousness so we can arrive somewhere else, we ask ourselves, what does confusion feel like? And we settle back into the body and its sensations, keeping track of the thoughts that float around. Before we know it, we're back on track. In times of confusion and depression, the worst thing we can do is try to be some other way.

[31:55]

The gate with gate is always right here. when we experience ourselves as we are, not the way we think we should be. When we truly do that, the gate opens, though it opens when it should open, which is not necessarily when we want it to open. For some people, an early opening would be a disaster. I'm skeptical of pushy practice. To push for clarity too fast just creates more problems. Of course, the alternative is not to sit and do nothing. We must maintain awareness of bodily sensations, thoughts, and whatever else is here, whatever it is. We don't need to judge our sittings as good or bad. There's just, I'm here, and I'm at least aware of some of my life. And as I sit meticulously, that percentage tends to go up. The absolute isn't somewhere else. Where else could it be but right here? My nervousness is what?

[32:56]

Since it exists right here and now, if I'm nervous, that is nirvana. That is the absolute. That's it. There's no place to go. We're always right here. Where could we be except where we are? So I think I'll end there. And we have time for a little few questions. Gary? Thanks for your talk. I just wanted to say that if you're You've been wonderful about showing us our opportunities. No, I'm looking forward to doing that. Thank you. Linda. Well, you just read a joke. It didn't sound like that turtle pulling in its legs and head. I used to read the basic limbs of classical Indian yoga and it was about drawing the senses and you use that turtle image.

[34:08]

And I thought, we don't do that. We keep our legs and our head and tail out. What is that about? Well, I think it may mean that both happen. Maybe there's the image of retracting the head and the the limbs of the turtle. And maybe that means the setting aside of things. Maybe it means our bigger body, which includes our job and our life and some of those things that we can retract or set aside. And we also do notice when we are setting Zazen, we are aware of those things and we are trying to, we don't shut them out. I totally agree with you with that and with what Joko said. I think that at the same time there's a not having them out and like ready for action.

[35:14]

I don't know if that really addresses it or not, but it's not as if they're out and looking. The head isn't out looking around for things. It's not shutting the sights out. We're going to notice what's there, but we're not going to grasp it. So maybe the turtle just needs to relax his limbs. And what do you think? I think that I'm ready for action. Because I'm ready for action whether I'm in the Zendo or outside. It doesn't seem so different. OK. I'll have to think more about that. Co? So with big mind and small mind, I've kind of forgotten what's working.

[36:18]

Well, it's both of those. So ordinary mind is our experiencing the everyday things. Some of the practice things we just talked about or anything that occurs. And through practice and really being present in each moment, one can see beyond that. We talked about ordinary mind is the way, so ordinary mind, doing our everyday activities, is the process or the path we're on for experiencing the way, which we could also call big mind. So that's kind of confusing. So ordinary mind has this clarity about it. When you're confused, you know you're And so it's like you're doing, you're using small mind, but in a clearer way.

[37:34]

I don't know, small mind? Well, small mind is our, it's Co being Co, and Leslie being Leslie, and doing our things in our relative life. Right? Well, I'm not sure. Because, um... I think this is your wish is encouraging us to move more towards big mind and away from small mind. Hmm. I would say... I would put it differently. I would say that we... we're working with experiencing both. We talk about the relative and the absolute, and we're living with these bodies in this relative world, but we can experience the absolute at the same time. So this is kind of our vehicle. It's kind of like the cart.

[38:40]

We're practicing with this, but we can experience the ordinary beyond ordinary, and big mind is there all the time. But we talk about not getting stuck in emptiness also, you know, or big mind, because then we still have to get up in the morning and put on our clothes and go to Sashin. I think at a certain point all these concepts or metaphors of whatever kind, like, it's the fuzzy edges. Well, I think some of them are expressing the same thing, they're just different words. And I think, for me, I can see that it's helpful as I'm reading all these different texts. And I was looking at the Genzo Koan today, and I didn't want to bring that too much into here. We've studied that a lot, but that's other language also that can be talking about actualizing the fundamental point, which is when we're talking about the relative and the absolute together.

[39:48]

being on the way, non-closed way of ordinary mind, and also when we're talking about big mind, what you were talking about, I think we can experience that. And I'm not saying it's not confusing, because I can see how it is that too, but we're not, we talk about getting beyond discrimination, but that doesn't mean we don't ever discriminate. So we live in both worlds, we have to be able to move fluidly back and forth. And it's not like we do that consciously, like, you know, now I'm using my small mind, now I'm experiencing big mind. It's not that, but it's this easy flow. And it's really just in each moment. To me, it's being in each moment just totally aware of what's happening, and then I see what to do. And that is being in my place is, you could say, a very relative thing, but to really be in my place and to really see there's something else happening there.

[40:55]

And I think that when I'm able to do that, that's the big mind you're talking about. Always being ready for the fly. Yes, that's right. That's right. Okay, so do we need to stop now? So back to Colin, do you want to...? Please forgive my... I think I have that line later about thinking. But I do have that line. You said it all. But I just want to say about ordinary mind, just don't take anything for granted.

[41:41]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ