Doesn't that sound like static, I would say, yeah. So I appreciate very much being asked to give the first lecture of the Sashim. Thank you, Norman. I always feel like I want to tell everyone all my secrets about Sashim, everything I ever found out or learned. But that's another story. So here we are at the beginning of our seven days together, and it really felt like winter this morning. I could see my breath as I walked back to the place where I live.

[01:01]

And this is a time of year when people want to turn towards the dark, just like this hemisphere anyway. All the plants and animals are turning towards the dark, going into hibernation. And the activity is below ground. And so we're very lucky to have this annual Sashim scheduled at this time of year, so we can express that very thoroughly. This Sashim commemorates Buddha's enlightenment. And we get to reenact this story, Buddha's story, because it's our story.

[02:06]

We get to reenact it and imitate it, actually, through this whole week, emulate it. Now the story that most of us know about Buddha's enlightenment, the great departure from home and the austerities he went through and the final seeding himself under the Bodhi tree, which we have right here. This is from, that stays in the Green Gulch greenhouse, I think, this is the Bodhi tree. And we, the last couple of years, have brought it into the Zendo during the Sashim. So there's another story of this, the same story of the Buddha's enlightenment, which

[03:09]

is very different and actually predates the story that we're all familiar with. The story that we know is a post-canonical, it's in the commentaries, and the oldest strata of the Pali Canon doesn't have that story at all. They have the Buddha leaving with his crying parents left behind. There's no wife and no child that he's leaving behind. So there are other stories, and the Western Buddhologists who found this story really liked the story and promoted it, you might say, taught it, and so we in the West have that story as usually the story. And there are elements of that story of a kind of individual quest, leaving behind, you know,

[04:11]

there are certain parts of the story that always kind of, you might have had difficulty with, like leaving the newborn son and wife and going off. There's something very inspirational about that, and there's also something a little bit, it doesn't quite sit right, perhaps. But the West really honors and values individual quest, you know, make it by yourself, rugged frontiers type. So that story has really taken off. But I wanted to tell another version of the Buddha's enlightenment, and this story is from the Sangha Bhedavastu section of the Mula Sarvastivan Vinaya. And there's also parts of this story in Chinese and Tibetan versions, so it can be found in

[05:14]

different places. And this story, and I thank Norman for actually, somehow this came into his possession, this paper that someone wrote on this, and he's lectured on it, and I have a copy of this story as well. So in this story, the Buddha also realizes that he needs to go and find his way and settle his biggest question about birth and death and suffering. And this is a driving force for him. But what he does is go to his wife, Yasodhara, that night and talks with her, and the translation says that he paid attention to her, and that paid attention is kind of like the biblical,

[06:19]

he knew her. They ended up making love that night before he left. So this is a kind of, this is another aspect, this is including his relationship with his wife in his deepest spiritual strivings. She wasn't cut out. And she became pregnant that night, she conceived. So, you know, within her was the beginnings, the seed, the fertilized seed of, or egg, and the beginning of her quest as well. And he had his seed within that needed to sprout and grow. And each had a different path, but it was similar, parallel.

[07:24]

So then in the night there were a variety of, everybody in the household had different dreams, and Yasodhara had a dream that the moon was eclipsed by Rahu, and I think that's an Indian god or deity of some sort, eclipsed the moon, Rahu. And other scary dreams that her braid became unbraided and her teeth came out and her bracelets were broken. She had these kinds of dreams. And the Buddha had other kinds of dreams, very auspicious dreams. And she asked him, she woke up in the night and she couldn't sleep, and he comforted her. This happens sometimes where if you can't sleep someone tries to do their best to take care of you. And she was placated somewhat, but not really, and she said, please don't ever leave me, don't ever go anywhere without me. And he said, if I ever go I will always take you with me.

[08:28]

And when she woke up in the morning he was gone. And the understanding is that he was taking her with him on his quest. So, she was left in the household pregnant and he went off and when he did his austerity practices of eating one sesame seed a day and got very, very thin, the family sent messengers to see how he was doing, they knew where he was, and they would come back and let Yasodhara know how he was doing. And when she heard that he wasn't eating very much and he had gotten terribly thin, and she also found that she couldn't eat and she began eating much less, and this wasn't very good for the baby. So they decided she shouldn't hear any more word about how he's doing because this will

[09:31]

affect her too strongly. And years go by. In fact, she carried that child for six years, according to the story. So this is kind of a miracle story or a, you know, extraordinary situation. And the Buddha finally, when he, at the late afternoon when he decided to eat and was brought this wonderful rice pudding to eat and he took that and regained his strength, and she was also notified that he had begun to eat, and she ate as well. And then he settled himself under the Bodhi tree and sat. And Mara, you know the story of Mara, the evil one, coming to try and unseat the Buddha

[10:37]

with various ways. And when that wasn't possible, either with objects for greed or objects for hate or undermining his sense of place that he had a right to be there, Mara in a kind of extra nastiness went to tell Yasodhara that the Buddha was dead. That was the kind of, well, he couldn't get the Buddha to move so he was going to do this last thing. So he or she, Mara, told Yasodhara that the Buddha had died and she fainted in a swoon. And then another deity came to say, no, no, he hasn't died. In fact, after he had sat through the night and attained enlightenment, they told her that. And when she heard that news, she gave birth to Rahula. And Rahula in this is named after that Rahu who, there was an eclipse of the moon.

[11:45]

So the usual translation is Rahula as fetter, being a fetter. But in this story, it's named after the deity who eclipsed the moon. So this story, there's a different feeling to this story where the two of them on their own are making their quest in their own way, according to their own karma and their own needs, find what they need to do. And also, Ananda was born in this story right at the same time, Buddha's cousin. And Ananda means joy, and it was the joy that the Buddha had realized his true nature and become the awakened one. So Ananda was named for that event. And eventually, both Yasodhara and Rahula became ordained and joined the order and found

[13:04]

their own salvation or awakened, each of them awakened as well. And there's more to the story, but I won't tell the rest of it. So there's this in relationship, the Buddha in relationship to his family and not separated out. You know, there's a very strong bias that we have to be for the new and the individual and the unique. But the most unique that we are, the unique breeze of reality, as it says in a poem in the Book of Serenity, the unique breeze of reality, each one of us is completely original. And the more we become ourselves, the more original we are, the more authentic we are,

[14:08]

the more... When we completely express ourselves, then we are completely authentic and original. So to try and be original, to try and be something new and innovative and different, often goes at cross purposes if we don't know ourself well enough. So in the Sashin, we're asked to, you know, follow the schedule and actually imitate, when I say imitate, I mean the posture, the way we move through the Zendo, the attire, the way we eat oreoki, all of these things, they're not innovative things, they're very

[15:10]

old forms that have been passed down and we're asked to just do it thoroughly without adding our own special, you know, individualized additions that's tailor-made for how we like it, you know. And in this imitation, this complete imitation or emulation, out of that, there is a new vision or a new understanding that arises that's completely your authentic expression. So you probably are familiar in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind where Suzuki Roshi talks about when you're all sitting the exact same way in the Zendo, I can really see who each one of you is individually. Your authentic you-ness comes forth, shines forth, but if you're all sitting haphazardly

[16:12]

in all different ways, it's hard to tell what's happening, we can't tell. So when everyone is following the schedule, when everyone is standing waiting for service in Shashu or walking from place to place and following these forms, then your uniqueness shines forth. I've been reading this wonderful book by Jane Hirshfield called Nine Gates and it's about poetry and the mind of poetry. And she talks, she has a whole chapter about originality which I've been finding very fascinating. The word originality comes from the word in Latin to rise, similar to the rising of the sun and the moon, kind of cyclical rising up. And also the rising up of a spring, which we had at Green Gulch, a spring that bubbles

[17:15]

up and rises forth, surges up like a source, a never-ending source. And I just wanted to read a few things that she says about originality and emulation. So before the invention of photography, copying was an integral part of every visual artist's training. They would copy the masters. The purpose was not just to make exemplary works, but in the process of making a copy, it was understood new forms of vision could arise. Copying was done with the understanding that making comes before meaning. So often we're told, just do it, you know, just do service, just bow, just handle your

[18:19]

orioke bowls and hold them this way or that way. And you know, this spirit of just do it, to me, this making comes before meaning. Actually having your body go through and completely to the best of your ability, meaning without holding back, without saving back a little bit of your individual, how I like to do it, you know, just throwing yourself in. There's understanding that comes out of that, a new vision, that's your vision, that comes from the inside, meaning it's not an applied, you know, rule or something that somebody's asking you to do and you have to just go with it, but you understand from the inside what it's all about by doing it, by just doing it.

[19:20]

So making comes before meaning. Another thing she says is, in a particular article, it was recalled that conscious imitation was a common procedure in the past and this person recommends emulation as one of the great methods of developing craft. Now, I've been practicing calligraphy with Tanashi-san, Kaz Tanashi-san, and the way he teaches is you're given copies of characters like Shin, heart, mind, or mindfulness, or just a character, and then there's six, he has six different characters that were done, taken from old Chinese scrolls from the masters, and then you're asked to just completely choose one and copy it over and over and over, just the same character over and over and

[20:29]

over. And in doing that, and not trying to do your own character, your interpretation, but how the masters did it, and doing that with mind and body, mind-body and breath and a smile, he recommends a little smile as you're doing calligraphy, there's some understanding that rises up and it's your unique breeze of reality that comes through into the calligraphy. So, I encourage you to find out about this through this ancient practice of emulation is to imitate, to equal or excel, to equal or excel is emulate, and we're actually asked

[21:36]

to excel our teachers, or the teaching won't last if we equal or don't come up to our teachers, how is the teaching going to be passed on, so to emulate is to equal or excel, and one does this through the practice of completely throwing yourself into, well, in this case, to the Sashin, and everything that's, all the practices all day long, and that's all you have to do, you know, right before Sashin, there was someone who talked with me about having a lot of fear about Sashin, it was their first Sashin, someone else mentioned and they had the jitters, someone else was really excited, someone else said, they thought, oh, a whole week to live like a cat, and I think for this person who has done a number of Sashins, it was just, you know, sitting there, just without being, without having

[22:42]

anything else to do, but completely be present like a cat, so everyone has their own relationship to the Sashin, but I'm, I feel like kind of the key elements to thoroughly entering are this not holding back, and making before meaning, just doing things without resistance, or if there's resistance, know about the resistance, and know what that is. So what this takes is complete attention, and attention to all the details, now, I was talking with someone the other day, and they said, you mean, after this long conversation, they mean, they said, you mean just, just being aware, you mean that's all, it's just, okay, so I just have

[23:42]

to be aware, okay, and I had the feeling that the just, you know, just being aware, like it was kind of a second class, third class kind of a practice, and there must be something more than that, but we cannot let go of all our, unless we know what our suffering is about, unless we know where we are, and what we're doing, we can't let go, it will just be kind of held from the back, you know, so complete attention, and in that attention, the moment opens for us, the, each activity of the day, each breath opens for us with our attention, and it opens in vividness, so I think this takes a willingness, having

[24:47]

some willingness to be here thoroughly, I've been reading Akin Roshi in preparation and working with the precepts for the class that I taught last session, and under the precept for not stealing, Akin Roshi brings up the point that in some kitchens, monastery kitchens, there's a sign that says pots and pans are the Buddha's body, and when I read that, I remembered a session that I sat at Tassajara, where I was serving, and I was standing out in the entryway at Tassajara, and standing in Shashu, and I looked at the pots, and there they all were, all these pots, these chubby pots, wearing diapers, we used to have, we probably still do these cloths that would be on the bottom, like hot pads that attached

[25:54]

with little strings, and we called them diapers, so there they were sitting, all these pots and pans with their diapers on, all in a row, waiting there, ready, and willing to be scooped from and brought in to serve the monks, and there they were just potting, just sitting there being pots, and it brought tears to my eyes, these pots that were, as Akin Roshi says, things are faithful, objects of the world are very faithful, if you treat them well, and they follow the rules, he said, if you drop the pot, it will break, or crack, or if you aren't careful, you know, you tear something, or break something, so things are very faithful, so I had that feeling with these pots, pots and pans are the Buddhist body,

[26:58]

and they're very faithful, and they will be there for you, and so, you know, how do we meet that faithfulness with our own intimate faithfulness to take care of them? That's, you know, that's how we say, you know, not to move the Zabatons with our foot, or kind of kick your Zafu around, that Zafu is there for you, will be there for you if you fluff it and care for it, and will support you hour after hour, day after day, in its puffiness, it will help you, it's there for you, having this kind of intimate feeling with all the objects of your life, because they're not objects, you know, they're Buddha's body that are there, that's there for you, and we have this marvelous chance all week long to express that, to convey that feeling through all of our actions, and in Oriyoki especially, you know, in the re-translation

[28:04]

of the meal chant that the Zen teachers and scholars are doing, it says, now the Tathagata's bowl is, there's various versions, but the gist is, now the Tathagata's bowl, the Buddha's begging bowl, is in my hands, or has come down to me, now I have this bowl right here, I am practicing this, it's not somebody else, some romantic idea of what it must have been like to be, you know, in the Buddha's Sangha, you know, Bhikshu or Bhikshuni, and going around begging and receiving and eating just what we're being given, you know, we have this kind of romantic idea of what that must have been, it's not romantic, it's every meal here, we hold out our begging bowl and receive whatever the kitchen is offering, and receive that with, whatever we receive it with, gratitude, or maybe there's emotional discomfort, it's

[29:11]

not what we like, or whatever it is, this is our chance to practice, just like the Buddha practiced with the Sangha at that time, it's not a romantic idea, and we have this chance, and to treat that Buddha bowl with intimacy, there's a poem by Ryokan that I've always loved, and when I was preparing for this lecture this morning, it popped into my mind, it's about, Ryokan was the Zen poet and priest, and this poem about his begging bowl, he says, oh no, I've forgotten my begging bowl, but no one would steal it, no one would steal it, how sad for my begging bowl. So, you know, he left his orioke somewhere, you know, on the shoe rack, not on the shoe rack, he left it somewhere, on an altar or somewhere, it was, did

[30:12]

he serve breakfast or lunch, or, you know, where was it, nobody's going to take it, no, nobody's going to take my orioke, they wouldn't, you know, oh, how sad for my orioke, you know, this is your orioke that you take care of and clean and change the setsu, and this is your, this is the Buddha's body that you take care of, and you convey your understanding through how you take care of the things of the world. So, Eken Roshi's definition of sashin is to touch the mind, this is, we always say to gather the mind, but he also says there are several related definitions, intimately related, one is to touch the mind, the other is to receive the mind, and to convey the mind. So, to touch the mind, for me, in terms of sashin, is to just sit, thoroughly, utterly sit, and like a frog, you know,

[31:27]

the kind of Zen center totem animal, you might say, is the frog, because Suzuki Roshi spoke about it, and the quality of the frog, of just sitting, ready for whatever happens, if the, you know, you've read it, probably if the fly comes by, he catches it, or she catches it, if, and if there's no fly, then just ready, mind that's open, willing, attentive, ready, and the understanding of mind that comes, that is revealed, is touching the mind, the mind of emptiness. The receiving the mind is also, you know, it's this willingness to whatever happens on the cushion, or whatever happens while serving, whatever happens, whatever sound comes in, whatever thought arises, to be willing to have that be your teacher, to not try to

[32:32]

control it, as the koan says, don't try to control it, if wild thoughts come, don't try to get rid of them, or if hundreds of thousands of myriads thoughts come, don't try to control them, just to receive, and allow that to be your teacher. And in Dharma talk, in particular, you know, Dharma talk is another time where we take ourselves in posture, and we sit with attentiveness, and you don't have to, you know, be analyzing and figuring out and comparing, and you just let the Dharma words come in, whether they're, it's someone's expression, and you just allow it to come in, and as Thich Nhat Hanh said, in this book I've been looking at about monastic practice, for many, many people,

[33:32]

there is, while listening to a Dharma talk, there's a, he used the word breakthrough, this is not uncommon to be sitting in Zazen posture, practicing, listening, attentive, and aware, and having the words come in, this is, Shuddha maya prajna, the wisdom that comes in through the ears, so to not have Dharma talk feel like a break in the schedule, or I can relax kind of now, to actually stay with your session mind of receiving, and maintain your posture as best you can during the Dharma talks. And then the last, conveying the mind, Sashin as to convey the mind, that's when, through your walking and handling your Oriyoki, and serving, and how you practice the forms, eyes cast down, and not speaking or writing, all the admonitions,

[34:42]

this, you're taking these up, conveys very thoroughly your own understanding, authentically, effortlessly authentic, as Jane Hirshfield says, the way, when you see somebody, you know, across a crowded room, and you kind of, is that them, it's their hair, it's their shoulder, yeah, that's them, there's, you can't help but being authentic, that's you, so to allow that, kind of get out of the way, so you can just thoroughly be yourself, there's a kind of paradox there, she calls it, the paradox of originality, this is one paradox of originality, the willingness to become transparent, to offer oneself to the other, leads toward, rather than away from individual, individuality of expression, so this paradox of feeling like, you've got to, usually we think, well, I've got to be myself,

[35:49]

but to just offer transparently yourself, leads towards originality, rather than adding some special parts that you think of that are you, so to touch the mind, to receive the mind, and to convey the mind, I just wanted to say something more about the frog, you know, I love the frog, and you know, Zen Center gets these gifts of frogs, we have this big jade frog that sits in the city center, carved, beautiful, kind of rounded lines, big green jade frog, and there's the red wooden one, there's all these frogs, they get put in the kaisando, and I, for shuso gifts, often give frogs, that's kind of, those of you who've received frogs from me, I find a little frog, and I give it, I love frogs, right, and this is just like that story of the dragon, you know, about the real

[36:52]

dragon, you know, this guy who loved dragons and collected them, well, one day, just not too long ago, I stepped out of my shower, and there, on the floor, in the bathroom, was this frog, that had leaped through the window, and I was not all that, you know, ready for this frog to be sort of there, about to be stepped on, and then I had to capture it, and kind of get it out of the house, but I realized, oh yeah, it's just like that, that dragon guy, you know, collected dragons, but when the real dragon came, he wasn't ready, and that's just how it was, you know, I don't know where my mind was, you know, somewhere, as I stepped out, thinking about breakfast, or something, and I really was startled, you know, and I startle very easily, and I think that has to do with my mind wanders, you know, so, in Sefin, this is also Akin Roshi, this is not, he says, a deprivation chamber,

[37:53]

you know, our senses are completely open, and everything we hear, the frog, we won't be hearing frogs, probably, but owls, and all the sounds, and that funny static noise that we heard, whatever it is, to have our senses completely open, and willing, and receiving, he, what he says, this was so great, he says, we deprive ourselves, we make our own deprivation chamber, by our thinking, and daydreaming, and you know, going over and over past stuff, and being caught in thought in that way, but then we don't hear anything, we don't hear, we don't notice that the shuso, or the abbot, has walked behind us in morning greeting, you know, to greet us, we're somewhere else, that's the deprivation chamber, so our Sefin is far from deprivation, it is, deprives us of nothing, it allows us to feel everything, and to have the space, and time, and

[38:59]

lack of distraction, in order to do that thoroughly, and when our own suffering, when we can receive, and understand our own suffering as empty, this is when we, as Eken Roshi says, can frolic, and play at the edge of birth and death, frolic and play at the cliff's edge of birth and death, so I think each of us wants that, you know, we want to frolic and play in this life, and what's holding us back, I looked up the word frolic, because it's such a great word, and the root of the word frolic means, guess what, it means to hop, it means to leap and hop, frog-like, frolic, like a frog, so the frog, you know, sits and is ready to, you know, get whatever, and then it can leap and play at the pond's edge, or in my bathroom,

[40:06]

so this is how we want to live, you know, to frolic and play at the cliff's edge of birth and death, but we won't even go near the cliff's edge, you know, if we're not taking care of what needs to be taken care of, it's too scary over there, so I think the last thing I want to say is, oh, actually, I wanted to talk about posture, but it's too late, probably, sit up straight, yeah, sit up straight, and two things about posture, one is, oops, sorry, the sternum, this breastbone, there's a tendency to kind of cave in a little bit, the shoulders and this breastbone, and if we could make an effort to

[41:13]

lift the breastbone up, it's a very small adjustment, it's not like, if you kind of try to open like that, there'll be a kind of resistance to that, and you won't feel, you don't feel too much, but it's lifting up, and the shoulders consequently kind of come down, and this caved in, you can actually breathe more easily, so try that, it may be emotional for you if you're carrying a lot of suffering or pain in that area of your body, but try that, lifting up, and then, you know, back straight, and take a lot of care with your posture every period of Zazen, you know, really sit down as if you're sitting under that Bodhi tree, just like the Buddha did, I'm gonna sit here until I wake up, until I understand thoroughly birth and death, and with that intention, place

[42:16]

yourself and carefully and find, take all the time you need to get it just right, quarter of an inch one way or another really matters, and the last kind of anecdote or story I wanted to tell was to illustrate the importance of your mind in Zazen, if we think in certain ways, our body and breath will come along with it, and if we think in other ways, there'll be, I'll tell you the story, I was swimming in the bay, which I've had done years ago and have taken up again in my 50th year as a pledge to myself, and I drove out to the bay, and the water was very windy day, do you remember about four weeks ago, it was very, very windy, really a strong wind coming up, and on the Golden Gate Bridge, it was very, very windy, and I looked at the water, and it was

[43:20]

white caps and very choppy, and I thought, I actually kind of was yearning to get in that, what's this gonna be like, you know, in this choppy water, and when I got down to the water's edge, the wind was coming off the bay really strong, and I thought, well, here we go, and I got in, and I started swimming, and I, it was really choppy, like waves, and they were going into my face as I was turning to breathe, and I wasn't getting very far very fast, and it was, there were like swells as well as choppiness, and I, as I was swimming, I thought, you know, I began to have this thought, I don't know if I'm a strong enough swimmer to do this, to get down to the flag and back, which is my usual route, but I thought, well, I'll just keep going, you know, I keep going, and I got about halfway, and I thought, I'm getting tired, my arms are getting tired, I don't know if I'm a strong enough swimmer, and as soon as I began thinking in that way, my heart started being very, very fast,

[44:25]

and then I couldn't breathe, not only was the water going in my face, but I, I was, I couldn't breathe, right, and then I thought, I really am tired, I'm not going to make it back to shore, maybe I won't make it back to shore, and, and I thought to myself, this is how people drown, they panic, because I really was okay, I hadn't been out there that long, wasn't that cold, I wasn't that tired, really, the shore wasn't that far away, I wasn't shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean, but thinking in that way, I watched as I thought, oh, maybe I won't be able to get back, I'm not a strong enough swimmer, everything changed, and I was enacting that, you know, I was finding it hard to, so then I turned around to go back, and thinking I would zip in, because often the current is very fast going in, but the current was more difficult going back, somehow, that way the currents were going, and I thought, then I just thought, just take refuge,

[45:28]

just take refuge in the three treasures, that's all you can do, and you, and you'll be able to do it, so I, I took refuge, and paddled, paddled, paddled, I got slower, closer, and closer, until I came in, but I, what I saw there was the ability, the strength, and the power of our mind, you know, one, thinking in that way, everything changed, physically, everything changed, in terms of heartbeat, and breath, the physiology, you know, the, because we're a psychophysical being, you can't just think, well, I'll just think in this way, I'll just entertain these thoughts, it will have no effect, you know, I'll just sit here, it has quite an effect, so, so please take care of your thinking mind, you know, please don't indulge in, please bring yourself back to your posture and breath, when you notice that you're depriving yourself, you know, through that kind of thinking, of the full,

[46:32]

you know, live, alive experience of, of the moment. Okay, thank you very much.

[46:48]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ