You know, at the beginning of the, some of you know, the beginning of the last, of the first session, I got an email saying that Graham Petsche, an old friend of mine and one of the, in effect, founding practitioners of the San Francisco Zen Center, So his daughter was with him at his bedside and some of his family. They wanted me to, it felt right for me to say something to Graham, well, yeah. So I turned the hot drink, the second night hot drink statement into a kind of statement for Graham.

[01:10]

Yeah, which was actually read to him in the hours before he died. And then the last couple of days the internet has been out and so my drop box does not work between this office and that office. So when I started this morning, like I should think of something to say or discover, find something to say. And what I found was an email from David Chadwick and his daughter, and Graham's daughter, saying, Graham's funeral's today, and could I send something to be read at the funeral?

[02:47]

And I think you all know who David Chadwick is. He's been here a number of times and he wrote the book Crooked Cucumber. I think you all know David Chadwick. He was here a few times and he wrote this book, Crumbly Cucumber. And he made it his life work, archiving and preserving, editing Suzuki Roshi's lectures. Yeah, so at first I thought, what can I do?

[03:50]

And then I thought, well, I should do something because to help put his life in context for the people who will be there. And so I thought I'd just have a few ideas and then I ended up writing a letter. To Graham. And then I thought, what am I going to say? Well, I'll read the letter to Sashim. And why am I doing this or planning to do this? Because partly it says something about the history of what's led to us being here.

[04:53]

And also, you know, writing a letter to somebody who's dead, this seems a little crazy, but the custom is in Zen Buddhist ceremonies is you continue the conversation with the person who's died because you will continue the conversation. And I'm sharing this with you also because it makes clear that you, the practitioners, not just the teacher, the practitioners are also the creator of the Sangha and are the Sangha and create the Sangha. Yeah. And also my point is also that history, which looks inevitable, is made up of lots of small things that were not inevitable at all.

[06:35]

You attend a university and you take it for granted. The university buildings are there. But at one time they weren't there. And now they're actually used differently than the original intention. Yeah. I mean, for example, you know, Everyone takes, a lot of people take Zen mind, beginner's mind for granted. And I'm told it's still the, believe it or not, the best-selling book on Buddhism in the world.

[07:38]

And we really originally thought it was just going to be for his circle of students, Sukershi's circle of students. But, you know, when Sukiroshi first started giving lectures, as many of you know, he didn't want them recorded. And I supported them not being recorded. Because then you have to really make the effort to be present in a way that you record them in yourself.

[08:40]

And you can't later figure something else out. If you care, you make yourself present in that way. What that also presupposes that your whole life is a monastic life. Anyway, I supported them not being recorded. But then pretty soon these little tape recorders appeared about little tiny tapes, you know. People were secretly recording them, you know. And trying to police everyone, saying, what is that little microphone sticking out of your sleeve? We decided, okay, we'll record them.

[09:41]

Instead of constantly checking people and asking, what is that little microphone looking out of your sleeve? Instead, we decided to record you. And then Suzuki Roshi was giving lectures in Los Altos, south of San Francisco, once or twice a week. a living room Zendo, and I would drive down there sometimes, drive him down there sometimes. And they were in a woman's, named Marion Derby's house. And she recorded them, his lectures. And she had the idea of making them into a book. And it turns out Suzuki Roshi also had the idea, maybe I should do one book.

[10:54]

So she collected all these tapes and she transcribed them and she gave them to Suzuki Roshi and then Suzuki Roshi didn't make her too happy, gave them to me. It was one of those painful moments when you don't like doing something, but because her life was invested in doing this, and I felt guilty taking the manuscript, but Sukiroshi wanted me to turn it into a book. And I was pretty busy at the time. I had a little more energy then than I do now.

[12:10]

I was a full-time employee at the University of California, a full-time graduate student and president of the Zen Center and founding Tassara. So I turned to Trudy Dixon, who was my favorite other student in the practicing of Sikirishi. And she was a much better and more accomplished writer than I was. She was something like the one of the leading student of philosophy at the UC Berkeley philosophy department.

[13:16]

And when she was 16 or so, she won some national essay writing prize for Betty Crocker. That was a company that made pastry, cake mixes and things. You may think all these details are kind of crazy, but they were important for me. And since I couldn't compete with Betty Crocker, I asked Trudy to help me and she did much of the editing with me. But since I'd been opposed to his tapes being recorded, his lectures being recorded, I was an odd person to give the manuscript to, but anyway, that was one of those things that happened.

[14:36]

And without Trudy's vision of the text too, it wouldn't have happened. And without Trudy's vision for this text, this would never have happened. if you don't mind I'll read this to you I seldom read things as you noticed I mean in front of you I put it in rather big print so I can read it without my glasses so excuse me for it's a little emotional but here we go Dear Graham Dear Graham you were my inspiration in those early days of our newly forming Sangha with Suzuki Roshi.

[15:41]

Does it help if you can read it too? It would help. Okay. All right. You were the first person I knew who decided to make Zen Buddhism your lifetime path. You exuded that confidence. You made clear it was possible. And your still sitting was amazing. You showed me, and all of us at the time, that it was possible to sit still without moving, really without moving, and in the lotus posture.

[16:47]

And your silent sitting was amazing. You showed me and all of us at that time that it was possible to sit still without moving, really without moving, and that in the lotus posture. For me, the lotus posture was impossible, and also silent sitting was unimaginable. But there he was doing it. And you decided to continue Zen practice in Japan and at Eheiji as an ordained monk. Wow! Who would have imagined that? Not I at the time. And you decided to continue Zen practice in Japan and at Eheiji as an ordained monk. Wow! Who would have imagined that? I didn't at the time. But not too long after that, I also was an ordained monk at a heiji and learning from your prior experience.

[17:55]

And your distinguished, committed practice, I know, was one of the reasons Suzuki Roshi decided to remain in America for the rest of his life. You know, He came to America the first times because he was wondering if there would be a fruitful... He felt intuitively and informatively, in an informed way too, that Buddhism could be understood in the West.

[19:07]

Yeah. And so he was sort of testing being here to see if maybe that could be the case. And he was, I know, because I've talked to him a lot, and he would go back to Japan, and his temple didn't want him to come back to America, and people, he was really deciding whether to stay or not, and mostly had decided not to. And then suddenly you have this young Englishman who decided this was going to be his life. Zen practice.

[20:22]

And then he had this friend, this young Englishman had this friend of me who also made the decision. And the fact that we decided this was going to be our life without any question The whole Zen center changed because it used to be kind of social. He'd go to the movies with people and stuff. He stopped all that and made it a practice place. And the fact that we both decided to turn this into our life changed the whole Zen Center. Before, it was social and they went to the cinema with each other and so on. But Suzuki Roshi decided to stop with all that and turn it into a place of practice.

[21:23]

And your distinguished practice Committed practice, Graham, I know was one of the reasons Sukhiroshi decided to remain in America for the rest of his life. Thank you, Graham, for that. And of course we all know that Sukhiroshi's life in America has really beneficially changed and transformed many, many persons' lives. And that's why I wrote, your excellent practice with so much commitment. I know that was one of the reasons why Suzuki Roshi decided to stay in America for the rest of his life. Thank you, Graham, for that. And of course I know that... And as the first president of the newly incorporated Zen Center, you just assumed that it was possible, of course possible, to establish a realisational space in the West, an institution, a Sangha.

[22:42]

Without you, probably, we would have thought such a Sangha was only possible in Japan or China. And as the first president of the newly founded Zen Center, did you assume, did you assume that it is possible, that it is of course possible to build a space of realization in the West, an institution and a Sangha? And without you, we would probably have thought that such a Sangha can only exist in Japan or in China. You know, Buddhism is so ubiquitous now in the West. The fact that you could actually practice and there would be a sangha to practice with in the West was inconceivable at the time.

[23:47]

And nobody believed it on the East Coast. Only in California was it believable. Die Tatsache, also die Idee, die Vorstellung, dass du tatsächlich praktizieren kannst, dass du in einer Sangha tatsächlich praktizieren kannst, das war damals schlichtweg unvorstellbar. Da hat man gedacht, das geht nur in Asien. Und an der Ostküste war es immer noch unvorstellbar. Das konnte man sich nur in Kalifornien vorstellen. You know, in the East Coast had lots of young people studying Buddhism, but nobody thought of a Sangha. Nobody thought of real practice. It was all scholarship. It took, and it was inseparable from all that was going on in the 60s in San Francisco, that this, wow, let's do it. It wouldn't have happened in Los Angeles.

[24:52]

So again, these things are so contingent and arbitrary. And then they become looking, then they look inevitable. And Graham, you led me to Tassajara. You and Pauline sometimes camped out on weekends exploring California, and you were excited by your time at China Camp in the Los Padres National Forest. And so some weeks later, Ginny and I decided to camp with little Sally at China Camp, and then we decided to explore further on down the road and found Tassara.

[25:55]

And Graham, you led to me finding Tassajara. You and Pauline, you camped and camped on weekends and explored California. And you found your time in the China camp, in the Los Padres National Forest, so great. A few weeks later, Ginny and I decided to camp there too, with little Sally. Und dann haben wir beschlossen, noch eine Weile weiter zu gehen und die Straße entlang zu erforschen. Graham was English, of course, British, and he was trying to learn about California. Graham war Engländer und er wollte Kalifornien kennenlernen. And I thought, geez, I should do some of these camping out things too myself. And so I think the idea of China camp was interesting to me.

[27:08]

It was called China camp because Chinese laborers were brought over to build the road into Tassajara because it took the kind of labor that most Californians wouldn't do. And writing this, I suddenly realized, my gosh, RAM was really part of my formative part of my life. And here, I say more personally, you and Pauline were the first couple I'd ever hung out with as best friends, and it made me think maybe I could get married. I never thought about it much before. And luckily, I soon met Virginia and we all became best friends together and Ginny and I got married.

[28:17]

And your son David and Sally are nearly the exact same age. I have a photo right here on my desk of Pauline with David on her lap and Ginny with Sally on her lap and Trudy with Annie on her lap, all of us in Mike and Trudy's apartment. I think in the future I'm going to have to write my lectures out and hold them like this for her. Why is this better than just... Should I start giving you a transcript? No, you should just hold it here. And it makes me suspicious of what you're translating when I'm not giving you...

[29:41]

What are you saying? Why do you need this? You'll never know. I'll never know? Yeah, I'll never know. How will I ever know? And Graham, finally, you showed me that it was... This is not readable, so you're going to have to manage. And Graham, finally, you showed me that it was imaginable to have a teacher for life. A teacher of life. No, I never thought of teachers as something you had all your life. Until then. Yeah, I'd never imagined teaching in this way before. And in all these ways, Graham, you were my teacher. Then I said, those were the days we thought would never end.

[31:01]

Maybe you know that song. Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end. So now I say goodbye, dear Graham. Goodbye, teacher, I loved you. That does it. Thank you for letting me read it. Yeah, lots of small things make a difference, and we are the small things that make a difference. And just so we have a little bit of the usual Teisho. Let me say something about this vertical posture again.

[32:26]

You have to give me some time here. If I start using a transcript, will you cry when I give other lectures? Okay. Okay. The vertical physical posture established within the luminous screen of consciousness. And let's look at that too in contrast to the horizontal safe posture of sleeping. And I think this word safe is important. This vertical posture feels also safe when you establish yourself in stillness.

[33:52]

And the horizontal posture of dreamtime sleeping calls forth a mind which reconfigures the energies of the day. Yeah, sometimes it shows you things. Dream time shows you things. And my experience is the day, our days require a lot of energy. A movement requires a mover. And that energy and force And it's not used entirely by the events of the day.

[35:00]

And dreamtime sleeping is not consciousness. It's important. I mean, what neurobiologists would say, it's not important right now for us. What's important is dreaming is not consciousness. It's experienceable dynamics are different. And we can feel the boundaries, the borders, of dreaming knowing and usual conscious knowing. And this vertical posture of safe posture also calls forth a mind which is not consciousness.

[36:15]

It may be consciousness for the first 10 or 20 minutes. But ideally it shifts, and there's a shift like when you go to sleep. You can feel a shift, and a different kind of knowing and observing appears. a different kind of consciousness, a different kind of knowing appears. And that knowing, sometimes I would call it a truth mind. Because there's something that happens in Sashin and in Zazen.

[37:40]

But particularly in Sashin. That the times we've been betrayed come up. The times we've been stupid come up. And many things we've swept under the psychic rugs are kind of lift into the atmosphere. and convenient karmic explanations, self-centric explanations. Suddenly seem false when meeting with this truth mind that arises from stillness. die scheinen plötzlich falsch, wenn man diesem Wahrheitsgeist der Stille begegnet.

[38:56]

It is a psychological process, but comes from this vertical, safe posture. Das ist ein psychologischer Prozess, der aber kommt aus dieser vertikalen, sicheren Haltung. Okay. Thank you very much. No, it's not.

[39:21]

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