As most of our members know, our all-time, long-time member, Dharma sister and priest, Rebecca Maino, has been taking a long time to pass away. She came down with Alzheimer's disease some years ago and slowly declining and now she's at home which is at her daughter's house and She hasn't eaten or taken any water for 12, 13 days and just keeps living, I think.

[01:12]

And we expect any time that she will pass on, but she just keeps going. So it's a kind of interesting state. somewhere between birth and death. A kind of twilight zone maybe. Last week, or a week ago, I went to Japan and came home a little bit early because I thought I wanted to be here when she passed on. And when I was in Japan, I went to Rinzowin, Suzuki Roshi's temple, and his son, Suzuki Roshi, his daughter-in-law was having a baby.

[02:19]

And I thought, maybe the baby will be born at the same time that Rebecca is dying. And then I thought about living and dying, birth and death, and one coming up and one going down, and a kind of realm that is continuously moving, manifesting. So I've been thinking about the meaning of birth and death. And Dogen calls it the great matter that we should all make an effort to understand, although can we really understand it? Even though it's beyond our understanding, there's something that we must try to understand.

[03:28]

What is birth? And what is death? And what is life? We tend to think that life and death are opposites. But I don't think of life and death as opposites. I think of birth and death as two sides of life. There's something that is not subject to conditions. Birth and death are subject to conditions. But I call that thing that's not subject to conditions, life. The life in birth and the life in death. Master Dogen has two fascicles One is called Zenki and the other is called Shoji. Zenki means total dynamic activity.

[04:39]

The term is translated in various ways. Clearly it calls it the whole works. about the total dynamism of birth and death and life. You can't have one without the other. The most natural thing in the world for us is to be born and the most natural thing in the world for us is to let go. which we call dying. So what is this manifestation and letting go? So I'm going to let Dogen speak a little.

[05:44]

The other classical shoji means birth and death. These two classicals are usually studied together. But I'm just going to talk about Zen tea today. Dogen says, the great way of all Buddhas thoroughly practiced is emancipation and realization. Emancipation means that birth, in birth, you are emancipated from birth. In death, you are emancipated from death. Thus, there is detachment from birth and death and penetrating birth and death. Such is the complete practice of the Great Way. There is letting go of birth and death and vitalizing birth and death.

[06:52]

Such is the thorough practice of the Great Way. Realization is birth, and birth is realization. At the time of realization, there is nothing but birth, totally actualized. Nothing but death, totally actualized. Such activity makes birth holy birth, and death holy death. Actualized just so at this moment. This activity is neither large nor small, neither immeasurable nor measurable, neither remote nor urgent. Birth in its right-now-ness is undivided activity. Undivided activity is birth in its immediacy. Our tendency is to think of birth and death as manifesting.

[08:12]

Birth is manifesting in this life that we call activity. And we see these births and deaths as Coming and going. But what is coming and what is going? What comes and where does it go? So we have all kinds of theories of where it comes from and where it goes. When you die, where do you go? I go to heaven. Where do you go? And our understanding is that there is no coming and no going. The Buddha is called the Tathagata, the one who comes thus and the one who goes thus.

[09:17]

So the word thus is an important word. Just like this, it means. There's a word called, three words. One is shikan, which means just, just as it is. And kikon, which means eternal now. And nikon, which means to harmonize momentary and eternal without attachment. So, just as is. means life which is beyond birth and death. In other words, eternal life, or you can call it just call it eternal life.

[10:22]

This is a very important aspect which a lot of people don't understand or don't realize about Mahayana Buddha Dharma. The understanding is, yes, there is eternal life, but at the same time there is conditioned life. So mostly we're concerned with conditioned life, which is birth and death. Dualistic, discriminating understanding. But Zenki, total dynamic working, includes the harmony of the eternal and the momentary. If we look at the clock, the clock is time. We live in time. As Dogen says, we are time. Being, our being, is time. Without time, there's no being.

[11:23]

And without being, there's no time. So if we look at the face of the clock, without the numbers, and without the hands, is just eternal time. Just the moment, the eternal moment, which is continuous. When we put the numbers and the hands on, then time becomes discontinuous. So, when we have one o'clock, two o'clock, one o'clock is birth, Maybe 12 o'clock is birth, and then we tick, [...] to 12 o'clock is death. But it's all taking place on the face of eternal time, which is just one piece. So where do we come from, and where do we go, and who are we, by the way? Dogen talks about this, but not as specifically as some other.

[12:33]

Suzuki Roshi talked about it a little bit. He said, we are here because we are always here. We wonder, well, where do we come from? Do we just appear now? And then at death we just disappear? How can something appear and disappear. How can something manifest? Some people feel that we arise at conception between when the sperm and the egg meet. That's when we begin life. And then we live a few years and then we die and that's it. But how can something that's conceived in some way not continue in some way?

[13:38]

How can something just end? Because everything goes someplace. There are people who believe that global warming is a myth and that you can just pump as much into the sky as you want, without it having any effect. But everything goes someplace. Everything has a continuation. Life is continuation, even though there's no coming or going. So, according to Suzuki Roshi's understanding, everything exists Everything exists as a seed already. So when the causes and conditions come together, some manifestation arises and we look and we say, this is myself.

[14:43]

That has arisen through causes and conditions. And when the causes and conditions are no longer holding something together, the potentiality returns to wherever it is that it's resting. So there's no place it comes from, no place it goes to, but it's continuous. Continuously arising. It's like we are the ocean and we are also the wave. We think of ourselves as the wave. But if we look more deeply, we see that we are also the ocean. So we say the true human being is the whole universe. Your true nature, your true persona is the whole universe. Because the whole universe is working together to allow what we call ourself to manifest.

[15:48]

So we say manifestation, something simply manifests. And when the conditions are no longer working together, We call that dying. But in Buddhism, we say no birth and no death. In a sense, we can say, yes, there's birth and death. But ultimately, there's no birth, no death. There's simply life as continuation. So people say reincarnation. But I think that falls short of a continuous manifestation. Because we like to be here, we like to think that we keep returning. But that's wishful thinking, isn't it? Nothing remains the same.

[16:52]

How can something come back and be the same? This is the unrepeatable universe. Nothing is ever repeated. But if we identify with the universe instead of simply identifying with the self, then we have a different view, a different understanding. We can enjoy being a manifestation of the universe and not simply an isolated being. We do not belong to ourself, we belong to the universe. The universe does whatever it wants with us. So, if we relate to the universe as our life, as our self, we don't have the same problem as being attached to a self, a separate self, even though we have this separate self.

[17:55]

So, Dogen says, birth neither comes nor goes. Birth neither appears nor is already existent. Thus, birth is totally manifested. Death is totally manifested. Know that there are innumerable beings in yourself. Also, there is birth and there is death. Quickly think over whether, quietly think over whether birth and all things that arise together with birth are inseparable or not. There is neither a moment nor a thing that is apart from birth and there is neither an object nor a mind that is apart from birth or death. I once asked Hoitsu, my teacher, says, if you're Roshi's son, what do you tell people?

[19:09]

What do you say to people who are dying and they want to know what, you want to know something? He says, I tell them, don't worry. Everything is going, the whole universe is going along with you. Everything is going along with you. There's nothing in the world that's not going along with you, so don't worry. There's nothing to worry about. You're not leaving anything. You're not going someplace. So, then he says, birth is like riding in a boat. You raise the sail, and row with the oars, and take the tiller, and although you row, the boat gives you, and as you row, I would say, maybe, the boat gives you a ride.

[20:13]

And without the boat, no one can ride. But you ride in the boat, and your riding makes the boat what it is. So investigate a moment such as this. There is nothing but the world of the boat, or the time of the boat. The sky, the water, and the shore are all the boat's world, which is not the same as a world that is not the boat's. When you ride in a boat, your body and mind and the universe together are the undivided activity of the boat. The entire earth and the entire sky are both the undivided activity of the boat. Your birth is nothing but... Thus, birth is nothing but you, and you are nothing but earth. Everything in the universe is cooperating with you.

[21:19]

So, I make the universe what it is, and the universe makes me what I am. So we say, I plus my surroundings is what I am. Suzuki Roshi always used to say, you should really take good care of your surroundings. This is actually essence of Soto Zen practice. take care of your surroundings because your surroundings plus you are what make you what you are. So everything exists in relationship. Total dynamic working, zenki, is everything existing in relationship as one. So as one, there is no such thing as relationship. So then, he says, Zen master Yuan Lu, Engo, priest Keqin said, birth is undivided activity and death is undivided activity.

[22:56]

Clarify and investigate these words. What you would investigate is, this is complicated, while the undivided activity of birth has no beginning or end, and covers the entire earth and the entire sky, it hinders neither birth's undivided activity nor death's undivided activity. At the moment of death's undivided activity, while it covers the entire earth and the entire sky, it hinders neither death's undivided activity nor birth's undivided activity. This being so, Birth does not hinder death, and death does not hinder birth. So, his conclusion is, in birth there is death, and in death there is birth, and birth and death happen simultaneously.

[23:58]

When we're born, the moment we're born, we're already on our way to die. It's a journey to non-manifestation. But we look forward to something. We look forward to life, which is a good idea. That's great. So, in Shoji, Dogen says, Don't be attached to life and don't hate death. Just be in the moment. Just appreciate every moment exactly for what it is. Because it's all one piece.

[25:02]

It's all one piece. If we know how have this understanding, then even though we may be afraid, we have some way to understand what's happening and go with it. I've always thought, I've always had this feeling that I'm just going to go. with all my energy, straightforward. And when I die, that's what will happen. I never really thought about it very much. I just said, I don't know. I'll just go as much as I can go. And then, boom. That's pretty good. Basically, I still think that.

[26:06]

But I'm learning a lot. He says both the entire earth and the entire sky appear in birth as well as in death. However, it is not that one and the same entire earth and sky are fully manifested in birth and also fully manifested in death. Each has its own sphere. Birth is birth and death is death, even though each one covers the whole universe. Although not one, not different. Although not different, not the same. Although not the same, not many. Not one or two. It's neither one, but neither the same nor different. They're both the same and different. Similarly, in birth,

[27:12]

there is undivided activity of all things, and in death there is undivided activity of all things. There is undivided activity in what is not birth and not death. There is birth and there is death in undivided activity. This being so, the undivided activity of birth and death is like a young man bending and extending his arm. Seems like vivid undivided activity. Just total activity. When you do this, the whole body-mind is involved. When you pick up a cup of tea, This cup of tea, the whole body and mind is involved. In Zen practice, when we have a cup of tea formally, or maybe informally, you use both ends.

[28:17]

You use your whole body and mind to drink a cup of tea. Then you have a feel of the tea. The teacup, the tea, and yourself are one undivided activity. So he says, this being so, the undivided activity of both birth and death is like a young man bending and stretching his arm, or it is like someone asleep, searching with his hand behind his back for the pillow. This is a classic statement of Dogen. This is realization in vast wondrous light. Bending and stretching your hand, it's like before thinking. It's like extending in the dark. Extending yourself in the dark.

[29:19]

Trusting in not knowing. It's like taking it. taking a step in the dark and trusting. This is called great faith. And the realization in vast wondrous light is called Komyo. Dogen wrote a versicle called Komyo. Komyozo Zamae, the samadhi of, well, wondrous light, wondrous light, that's a good translation, sometimes called divine light, which is okay too, but it's a little off.

[30:28]

It's like when we allow ourselves to be totally open with no ego or no self-centeredness, that allows Konyo to manifest. And when Konyo manifests, it manifests as great faith. So then Dogen says, about such a moment, you may suppose that because realization is manifested in undivided activity, there was no realization prior to this. However, prior to this realization, undivided activity was manifested. But undivided activity manifested previously does not hinder the present realization of undivided activity.

[31:36]

Because of this, your understanding can be manifested moment after moment. In other words, there's nothing hindering you. Past, present, future, nothing hinders you. So, for Dogen, The way to realize this is through Zazen. Zazen is undivided activity. We wonder, why do we sit Zazen? People ask that question no matter if they've been practicing 5 minutes or 50 years. What is Zazen? Zazen is Zenki, undivided activity beyond birth and death, which includes birth and death.

[32:42]

It's non-discriminating, undivided activity. That's all. So, do you have some questions? No going and no coming. That all sounds very profound and hard to understand to me, but I'm wondering about another possible interpretation of that, which is just plain straightforward. you know, when you die, you don't go anywhere. And you could talk about a potentiality, which, if you need to have somewhere to go, but I'm thinking that maybe, what's, I'm not seeing a need for there to be anything but just a disintegration of things that came together that allowed a consciousness and a sense of identity to be here.

[33:58]

So how about there's a disintegration and then there's nothing. There's no need to go anywhere. There's no need to sort of posit a place where Paul went. And the same thing for coming into being. And maybe that's what's meant by no going, no coming. something, you know, we call it a returning to the ocean of original being. So, what you say is is so, because the wave moves and goes back to the ocean.

[35:07]

So when you say nothing, in a sense nothing is right, but there's no nothing without something. So it's all that it came from, the entire... But it returns to potentiality of some sort. Because the ocean is not fixed. The ocean is this matrix of potentiality called the Dharmakaya. And when the wind and the sun and all these cooperating forces are manifesting in some way, then the wave has a certain shape. Then the wave recedes. But it's always moving. It's not like death in the sense that because it's life. Death is life.

[36:09]

There's life in death and there's death in life. And people would say, well, boom. Yes, but no. I've been resonating with what it must be like to be Rebecca. Yeah. To have that slow disintegration while still manifesting as a biochemical being, but not a consciousness in the same way that she walked as a priest or as a servant. a constant change going on. She was a very bright person, very alive, very intelligent, and a little bit silly, you know.

[37:14]

And then the Alzheimer's, her brain, her mind, brain just kind of shut down. And to this point, long time. And now this last part is like nobody knows what goes on in there. But I think that in order to last in that way, there has to be not much, not much interference, mental interference. I think so. That's just my feeling. back to the ocean. But they're shining. Brilliant, yeah.

[38:18]

The light is there. The light is definitely there. Yes, you're talking about what Dorgan said. Even though you have complete concentration in the past doesn't block having complete attention and concentration in the present, you know, so you can continue that moment by moment. Yeah, well, you know, I feel that way in certain parts of the day, it's effortless, you know, but then there's other huge parts of the day of fatigue, confusion, etc. How does Dogen fit that into a continuous moment by moment? I know that Dogen, that Suzuki Roshi would say, confused Buddha.

[39:19]

And how do I have like totally concentrated, confused Buddha? Yeah, how do I have whatever you'd say, totally concentrated, confused Buddha? Yeah, that's what's happening at the moment. That's you at the moment, in the moment, in that moment, which doesn't hinder you recovering in the next moment. So like you don't make a story about it? It's just that much. Don't make a story. Yes. Don't make a story about it. No story. Oh, now I'm awake. Now I'm thinking. Don't make a story about when you're really together. No, that's right. Yeah. Carl? Can you die without yearning?

[40:21]

Without hearing? Yearning. It seems to me that yearning is a bad thing. Oh, yearning. Yeah, if you're dying, if you're clinging, if you're grieving for life. That's what you have to let go of. Yeah. But it seems to me you can never let go of yearning for life, even if you die. Yes. Is that something you ever let go of? Not always. Some people, like I remember as a vicar saying, you know, when people get really old, it's a relief for them to die, often. So, I think it depends on the person. It really depends on the person. And that's another aspect. So if you go down yearning for an unrealized passion or love... That's called suffering. OK. So the yearning is not pure. It's just suffering.

[41:23]

You're causing suffering. So as Buddha said, the only thing I teach is suffering is cause and it's Relief. So, yes. When you're feeling ocean wave, ocean wave, what is caring for, what is to care for individual people. I mean, you know, it looks like I'm not getting through. Right? Well, I understand what you're saying. Or maybe you don't see it. We're all, you know, we're all, as Yasutani once said, we're all members of the same nose hole society.

[42:25]

Same nose? Nose hole society. So we're all one person manifesting in different ways. We're really one person manifesting in multiple ways. So when I'm caring for you, I'm caring for myself. When we do something for people, it makes us happy. Of course. I mean, some people, it makes them unhappy. And some people, you know, when they're evil, it makes them happy. But basically, you know, we make an effort to not make each other happy, but real. And then we're happy.

[43:25]

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