You know, it goes without saying, but I'll say it, that I'm profoundly, thoroughly touched and grateful that you are talking about how to continue this practice center and your own practice. At the center of practice is practice with others. It's simultaneously an individual practice and a practice we've received from others and we continue with others. And it's not a shared belief, it's a shared practice.

[01:08]

And I think with our strong and very valuable emphasis on individualism in the West, It requires a leap to really see that your individual practice is individual also through practicing with others. Yeah, I mean, the closest conceptual access for us, for me anyway, is to see its conceptual relationship to or similarity to our shared language.

[02:20]

None of us have created German and English. But in actual fact, when you really find a way to communicate and feel yourself and the world through a language, you're also creating a language. Aber wenn du in der Lage bist, die Sprache zu fühlen, dich in der Sprache auszudrücken, dann erschaffst du tatsächlich auch die Sprache selbst mit. You can change, if you write a poem, it's only a poem that's somehow recognized by... German speakers and English speakers that this somehow is a poem. But we can still write a poem no one's written before. So when you practice the poem of Zazen, It may be a poem no one's ever had before, but still you can feel it's in the context of practice.

[03:42]

So I think there are two main topics here. One is, how does this institution continue? And as your friend, how can I continue, the other topic is as your friend, how can I continue practicing with you? right now, when I'm going away for six months, but before I go away for longer periods of time. Now, I was touched by what Ulrich said to me at dinner last night. He said, somehow, the buildings and the spaces and the number of beds we had, it all worked for, you know, 60-some people to be here for the ashes internment ceremony and 80-some people probably to be here for the... the...

[05:19]

or lay initiation ceremony? Ja, also die Räume, die Gebäude, das Inventar und so weiter scheinen, die Zahl der Betten scheinen funktioniert zu haben für die Einäscherungszeremonie und auch die So in one day we said goodbye to one of our dearest and most mature practitioners. And then we said hello yesterday to those of us with the courage and kind of, well, okay, I'll do it, willingness to take the precepts and mean to take the precepts.

[06:33]

And I think it takes a while to have a real understanding of what is an institution and how you develop and continue an institution. I had a professor actually at the university whose emphasis was institutional history. Without his help, I wouldn't have recognized what we really mean by institution. And that it's really a delicate balance to take care of an institution.

[07:42]

For example, ANGO, The 90-day practice period, we call it a practice period, is an institution. Sashin is an institution. There's a way to do it. which I, for example, could not have created for myself. I never would have said, let's sit still for seven days. Somebody else had to suggest that to me. So if anybody said that to me, I'd say, you're crazy. Really, because my legs have never worked very well.

[08:54]

But Suzuki Roshi was so touching and wonderful a person that he said it to me, so I said... Okay, baby. I mean, I didn't say baby. I said, give it a try. But Suzuki Roshi was such a wonderful and lovely person that when he said to me, do it, I said, okay, then I'll do it. And, you know, nowadays many Buddhist groups do 30 days and 6 weeks and so forth practice periods. No, you can't say there's anything wrong with sitting 30 days or 6 weeks or something. That's fine. But to call it an ango and have an addition, a shuso, a head monk, is not understanding what an institution is.

[10:21]

It's a very serious mistake, and groups that do that will not survive. Something happens in 90 days which simply does not happen in 30 days or six weeks. If we're going to continue an institution, you continue it. If you make a modification, you make clear it's a modification, and it's a new aspect of the institutional process, not, you know, etc. you have to have certain standards and at some point you say if we can't do 90 days we stop doing it all together or we do some other kind of practice

[11:31]

So I would always rather fail than compromise too much. Because I feel an obligation to continue this practice in its integrity. So I hope that we'll find ways to continue this practice institutionally with the integrity of the tradition but the creativity of our practice in this contemporary world. You can practice on your own in any way you want. But many centuries have gone into how to practice together.

[12:59]

So let's explore together how to practice together. Anyway, it takes some time to get the sense that any activity done together has the potential to become an institution and it has the potential to become over-institutionalized and so forth like that. So how to respect the forms that are necessary but not let the forms take over. It's a kind of magical, delicate balance that most people don't have a sense of how to do it.

[14:22]

So when... Ulrich said to me, somehow this place was able to accommodate itself to this week of rather complex series of events. Because most of us, or many of us here, you sort of take it for granted. This place is now here, there's buildings and there's a floor, you know. But for me, who remembers that 30 years ago or so, it wasn't here.

[15:27]

It was not Dharma Sangha practice center. It wasn't here. So I was... So I'm always aware of the not here-ness, the not knowing, the not here-ness of this place simultaneously with its here-ness. I remember what a terrible experience. floor was underneath this, and that we decided to put in this chestnut wood floor was a big, carefully thought-through decision. Ja, und ich erinnere mich, was für ein schrecklicher Fußboden unter diesem Holzboden war, und dass es eine sehr reifliche Entscheidung war, miteinander dann diesen Walnuss oder

[16:43]

And it was an institutional decision that makes a difference. So I was very touched when I went to Leipberg and see they made an institutional decision to have wide oak boards on the floor and not some plastic thing where you can see the repetition one board after another. I mean, I'm so crazy, these things. If I go into a hotel and they've redone the hotel floor and it now has plastic boards, I see the repetition, I don't stay there next year. Yeah, okay. I'm so happy. talking about how to continue.

[17:58]

And the other topic is how, as long as I'm breathing and sort of walking, how can I continue with practicing with you? And since I can't see any of you regularly, Because you live all over the place. The only thing I can imagine doing usefully is writing. I can only imagine that the most useful thing is that I write. And when I give lectures, face-to-face lectures, which I base my life on face-to-face practicing, And occasionally I get asked, why don't you start doing annual or weekly or something Zoom lectures?

[19:04]

FaceTime. And I find Zoom meetings with the Dharma Sangha Boulder Board, for instance, and things like that, Colorado, quite useful. I think it actually works better than a telephone conference call. But I want to talk with you in your physical presence and not to... a microphone or something like that. And this may be a mistake, but this is me, and this is what I've decided.

[20:08]

Okay. But I do find the... So when I'm speaking in a tesho like the other day, I feel while I'm speaking, and what I spoke about was quite different than I, as commonly as I imagined I might speak about. But in this vibratory field of mind, which I mentioned, If I don't think and I just feel the signals, it tells me, you know, talk about this now or that. Right now, I don't know what I'm going to say, but something appears, so I start moving my lips.

[21:12]

But I have a kind of similar experience in writing. As each word, I don't know if I can write well enough to be of interest to anyone, but my own experience... After all these years of practicing with you... I somehow, on each word, I feel your presence as it kind of like falls into place or doesn't fall into place. So I'm beginning to collect a bunch of stuff which I feel is okay about. And maybe even in a few months I might create some kind of manuscript which I could share with you.

[22:21]

Yeah, but if I have an actual request from you, email or something to the office here or something, that you'd like to receive... occasional writings, I'll send it to you, but only if I have a request. I don't want to have a feeling I'm writing to an imaginary planet. Yeah, I want to have a feeling. I'm writing to a planetary system with shared orbits. But I definitely do want to keep exploring how the heck we can... keep this tradition intact in its essentials, and yet speak within the paradigms of the West.

[23:56]

Yeah, that's enough. Yes, and I really want to find out and explore with you how we can keep this practice alive in its paradigms and do that in this Western culture. the now transforming paradigms of the West. Okay, that's all I have to say. Oh, Peter Zane, sweetheart, this lovely day has flown away. The time has come to part. Okay, so now I'm open to any kind of comments, questions. And it's now 10 after 12, and lunch is in four minutes. But it's a buffet lunch, so it's not essential we be there exactly on time.

[25:00]

Don't ask me. People have to leave something. Oh, you have to leave? See, that's the problem. I have to leave and you have to leave. But it's fall and the leaves fall. A short question. If we want to make use of texts that you write, are you sending us these texts? Can we make physical use that then you will teach when we ask you to? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. You have to try. I don't know. And I almost canceled this whole weekend because I was kind of sick. on the other day and I called up Nicole and I said, I want to cancel the doorsteps in.

[26:03]

the internment ceremony and everything. And she said, can you think about it till tomorrow? Yeah, I felt we have to end sometime, why not now? But she said, wait till tomorrow, and I actually felt somewhat better tomorrow, so here I am. I have a question concerning that paper that you handed out to us. Oh, yes. Is it okay for you if I hand it out within my study group? Oh, sure. Almost everybody is part of the Sangha, but not everyone.

[27:18]

Sure, that's fine, and I have a few more sentences to add to it, but I'll send that to you another time. You send it to all of us, the edition? I'll send it to the office, and you'll have to ask them. Yes. We had the opportunity to receive written stuff from you and study that together. Yeah, and last angle, the abstract for Esalen. A wonderful piece of writing. But I ask myself, could I make use of it in any way without the experience of your presence and without the experience of the Sangha?

[28:40]

So it's connected. And my question is, for whom would you write other than that? As I experience you and what I was allowed to learn from you, you do not write for a simple scientific level to make a contribution there, but it is clearly about the physical implementation. And as I know, I have known you, you are not writing for a scientific community in any way, but to continue and to embody the teaching. Well, you know, I don't know. I just write, and I feel I'm writing to practitioners, but I realize when I look at what I've done, as though sometimes I'm writing to practitioners who've practiced 20 years, and sometimes I'm writing to practitioners who've never practiced.

[30:13]

And sometimes I'm writing in English, which doesn't bear much resemblance to English. Quite a lot of the words are completely made up words. But they get closer to what I... But these made-up words get closer to what I'm trying to say. So that the abstract I'm writing to... for Esalen now, I have a paragraph or two in fairly usual English.

[31:14]

Normative English. And then I say, and the next couple of paragraphs are in if you want to bother reading them in non-normative English. And the non-normative English actually is closer to what I mean, but I don't know if anybody else can read it. It's all an experiment for me, and I'm happy to keep experimenting. Yes. Just a while ago with the newsletter, there was a link to the Zozen.

[32:21]

Oh, yeah. Zozen. Zoomzen. Zoomzen. Zoomzen. Yes, yes, yes. And you asked for feedback. Yes. Per e-mail, but now I'm here. I read a couple of the texts. At the beginning of my practice, the access to practice was mainly for texts. And at the beginning of my own practice, the entryway was a lot about writings. And the writings brought me here. Yes, okay. And what happened is I read writings on all different traditions.

[33:33]

And these classical concepts that I encountered were kind of unlocked through your writing. So, as a feedback for you, it felt like a transfer from one culture into another culture. So maybe even your writings could address people who are not practicing here. It could be like breadcrumbs. We'll see. Thank you. Yes, .

[34:46]

There's a difference for me if I read transcribed teishos. And since I listened to you, ever since I listened to you, I transcribed teishos. And during winter branches, it was a tradition to transcribe each teisho. Was it a face-to-face lecture? And the difference is, has it been a Taisho face-to-face? Or are you sitting on your computer just by yourself? It's a difference, and I have to become more familiar with these texts. It's not this familiarity that I have with transcribed Taishos. And I feel that I have to become familiar with your writings. I'm not so familiar with them yet. It's a process.

[36:00]

I'm more familiar and I have a different feeling when I read the transcriptations. Okay. Okay. Okay, well, I guess that's true. That's true? Yeah. Okay. Maybe the transcribed Tayshos are all we need. I don't know. And what I find interesting is that when I read these writings, I have to read them in a different way than... than reading your tashos. I have to read them much slower and more precise because they're much condensed, much more condensed.

[37:05]

Denser, yeah. Denser, yeah. So if I get into this other attitude, reading them and receiving them, then it's okay. Yeah, well, maybe there's a good dissonance between the transcribed tashos and the transcribed mind. So I can feel confident that what I've been doing all these years might be available through the transcribed lectures. And I can feel, well, I enjoy trying to say these things in a condensed form so much, I'll just continue. And maybe they're useless, but I'm enjoying it. Yes, and maybe it's wonderful that my teaching continues like this. So, once I can trust that the transcribed texts are available. Maybe the things I write now are useful, maybe not, but I'm looking forward to writing them.

[38:17]

Ulrich, since what you said to me last night inspired much of what I said today, do you have any final comments before we end? Yes, Rosi has already said a little bit about what I said. And for me it was a very interesting question. Is there somewhere, do I recognize something like a bottle in my throat, where the flowing, something like a narrow pass comes and stow something behind it, And what I was wondering about, the question arose, is there anywhere a bottleneck where behind that bottleneck there is a jam and in front of it is maybe a vacuum?

[39:35]

That is what I was looking at. So it could be the number of beds or the number of parking lots. Or the competence of the kitchen. The amount of glasses. So many small details. The space to put the shoes down. But more important, how does it work in the Buddha Dharma Hall and also in the Sendo to sit? And how does it work together, Ango and Dostoevsky and the ceremonies? And how does it work together, Ango and Dostoevsky and the ceremonies? and the transitions and the touching points.

[40:53]

And I, for myself, have been extremely impressed how fluidly and smoothly it all went together. But I think it is very important also to look at the very small details and points where we can improve. I'm very happy to get feedback from every one of you. Was there a clog up at some point or was something missing or something like that? Yeah, something in between the clogging up and the bottleneck. Thank you.

[42:02]

Thank you.

[42:04]

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