I want to continue where or who we left off, if where has changed. Yeah, there's three, I guess three people who weren't here yesterday, most of yesterday. So you can be last. And what I did was yesterday morning, I think it's only three, isn't it? Counting Marie-Louise, Elizabeth, yeah. I asked everyone just to identify, I mean, you know, say their name and tell us your name and a few words about... three to a few sentences, three words to a few sentences about what you do.

[01:02]

Yeah. And that's, you know, I want us to get to know each other, as I said, because... continuation of the practice is, the lineage is the Sangha as well as individual teachers and practitioners. So I, you know, as I said, I want us to be able to know each other and help each other and practice. And then I asked, you know, a more confused question.

[02:03]

I asked, what do you feel your practices? What do you find as your practice? What does practice mean in your life? Because, you know, I think it's helpful if we all have a feeling for the tapestry of, as I said, of our mutual practice. Yeah, and also for me, it's... If we're going to study Buddhism together as well as practice together, I really need to know for you what practice is.

[03:32]

Ideally, we can recreate Buddhism. Dogen says, don't let the sutras turn you, you turn the sutras. Ideally, if you were going to Say, how do I solve this problem? And you try to solve it, you write the sutra. Or you write something like Dogen did, which is a sort of a continuation of the kind of teaching that's in the sutras. Now I want to continue where or who we left off, if where has changed.

[05:07]

Yeah, there's three, I guess three people who weren't here yesterday, so you can be last. And what I did was yesterday morning, I think it's only three, isn't it? Counting Marie-Louise, Elizabeth, yeah. I asked everyone just to identify... I mean, you know, say their name and tell us your name and a few words about, three to a few sentences, three words to a few sentences about what you do. Yeah. And that's, you know, I want us to get to know each other, as I said, because... continuation of the practice is, the lineage is the Sangha as well as individual teachers and practitioners.

[06:37]

So, you know, as I said, I want us to be able to know each other and help each other and practice. And then I asked a more confused question. I asked, what do you feel your practices? What do you find as your practice? What does practice mean in your life? Because, you know, I think it's helpful if we all have a feeling for the tapestry of, as I said, of our mutual practice. Yeah, and also for me, it's...

[07:50]

if we're going to study Buddhism together as well as practice together, I really need to know for you what practice is. Ideally, we can recreate Buddhism. Dogen says, don't let the sutras turn you, you turn the sutras. Ideally, if you were going to say, how do I solve this problem? And you tried to solve it, you'd write the sutra.

[09:22]

Or you'd write something like Dogen did, which is a sort of a continuation of the kind of teaching that's in the sutras. But since the where has changed so much, we'll start with you. Well, you've got a big circle in your chest. It says Zen. I came to this corner because I thought, here, everyone has already said something. I went to this corner because I said in this corner, thought in this corner, everyone said something already. You're finished. Erledigt. Erledigt. That is difficult for me.

[10:31]

I practice Zazen. It's difficult for me to... I practice Zazen. Perhaps I can say Shikantaza every day. An hour or more each day. The problem is that I actually can't speak about it. Then how this comes about, but the best I can say is I would mistrust my own explanations. And for the time being, I think it's best not to say something about it.

[11:40]

What leads you to sit zazen every day? It's also a question I don't know an exact answer, but the wish or the urge to do it is mostly there. I think the answer might be that the answer builds up or forms by the time.

[12:41]

So it's become part of your life, like someone said, brushing your teeth, washing your face or something. And what if you don't sit? What's the fruit of sitting? What's the result if you don't sit? I love Kodo Sawaki and he said there's no use in doing Zazen. Yeah, but I don't care what he said. What do you say? I can say that since I I can notice that since I'm doing this practice, I have less, if any, fears.

[14:10]

Oh, that's good. All right. Who's next here? You can volunteer yourself, of course. We left off with Gerald? No. But since the where has changed so much, we'll start with you. Well, you've got a big circle in your chest. It says Zen. I went to this corner because I said in this corner thought and this corner everyone said something already.

[15:13]

You're finished. Erledigt. That is difficult for me. I practice Zazen. Maybe I can say Shikantaza, as I understand it. It is difficult for me. I practice Zazen. Perhaps I can say Shikantaza every day. Every day. One hour or more. An hour or more each day. The problem is that I actually can't speak about it. Then how this comes about, but the best I can say is I would mistrust my own explanations.

[16:26]

And for the time being, I think it's best not to say something about it. What leads you to sit zazen every day? It's also a question I don't know an exact answer, but the wish or the urge to do it is mostly there. I think the answer might be that the answer builds up or forms by the time. So it's become part of your life, like someone said, brushing your teeth, washing your face or something.

[18:05]

And what if you don't sit? What's the fruit of sitting? What's the result if you don't sit? I love Kodo Saraki and he said there's no use in doing Zazen. Yeah, but I don't care what he said. What do you say? I can see that since I I can notice that since I'm doing this practice, I have less, if any, fears.

[19:19]

Oh, that's good. All right. Who's next here? You can volunteer yourself, of course. We left off with Gerald? No, with you, yeah. Okay, so, Gerhard. In the center of my practice is the sitting. The center of my practice is sitting. As a child and teenager I had some deep, silent experiences. As a child and as a youth I had some deep experiences of stairs. Speak loud enough so Janine can hear. And also some deep experiences of transience.

[20:23]

And I was always looking for a meditative way to solve these large questions of being and a sense. Then I always do something for a while and then I stop again. And I tried and did several things and ended them and retrospectively you could say that it always ended in a world view too clearly or too clearly constructed. It just didn't fit and I stopped and looked for something different.

[21:46]

Until then, relatively late in my life, I hit upon a zazen instruction. And that's what I did once and since then And I did it once and never stopped since. And since starting sasing on my own, in a relatively short time, I came here, I joined here. In the beginning I was sort of disturbed by the absence of more concrete instructions or guidelines.

[22:47]

And in later times I noticed that more and more trust appears or comes up, trust in Zazen itself, but also in the way that appears around it. And I noticed something by dealing in the last weeks with the Abhidharma. and where the types of consciousness and the ways the factors of being are described.

[24:10]

And as I noticed that these factors, as you said, these ingredients are actually substance-less, I felt a feeling of being relieved, of freedom, being freed. With you, yes. Okay, so Gerhard. The center of my practice is sitting. As a child and as a youth, I had some deep experiences of status. Speak loudly enough so Janine can hear. and also some deep experiences of transience.

[25:34]

And I was always looking for a meditative way to solve these large questions of being and essence. And I tried and did several things and ended them, and retrospectively you could say that it always ended in a worldview too clearly or too clearly constructed. Das war dann immer irgendwie nicht stimmig und ich habe wieder aufgehört und habe mir wieder was anderes gesucht. It just didn't fit and I stopped and looked for something different.

[26:53]

Until then, relatively late in my life, I hit upon a zazen instruction. And I did it once and never stopped since. And since starting sasing on my own, in a relatively short time, I came here, joined here. At the beginning, I was actually disturbed by the lack of concrete instructions and also guidelines and concepts. In the beginning I was sort of disturbed by the absence of more concrete instructions or guidelines.

[28:01]

What I notice more and more lately is that somehow trust comes up. Trust in itself, but also in the path that appears around me. And I have also made a statement that I have been dealing with the Abhidhamma in the last few weeks. And I noticed something about dealing in the last weeks with the Abhidharma. And where the types of consciousness and the ways the factors of being are described. And as I noticed that these factors, these ingredients are actually substance-less,

[29:18]

And I felt a feeling of being relieved, of freedom, being freed. And I believe that two things are important for me. On the one hand, Zazen itself. And I believe that two things are important, Zazen itself. But it is also very useful, in addition, somehow systematic or theoretical, That is also very helpful and of course it used to have more systematic and theoretical approaches or ways of our help. And there is a deep longing for that which I would provisionally call stillness and which sometimes I'm able to experience in sasen.

[30:50]

And for a long time there was a sort of conflict with and within my daily life how to get that done. But lately and lastly I noticed the stillness sometimes even in my daily life. And what was helpful was, for example, a thing like this koan, there's always someone who's not busy. And at the moment I'm also just trying, through being aware of the breath, as often as I can and can't think of it, to be aware of the breath.

[32:01]

And what I practice is being in my breath, getting away from this permanent thinking stream. ... And this has a similarly liberating effect like reading in the Amidharma that these constructs and ingredients of consciousness are intrinsically empty. Okay. Yes? One sentence. One sentence. What I did not look for, but was given to me, is this Sangha here. What I didn't look for, what was being given to me as a present, is this Sangha here at Johanneshof.

[33:11]

And this way of living together is sort of an ideal way of being together in society. Moreover, I cannot imagine a society that pursues a higher common purpose than And I can't imagine a society or a group of people aiming for a higher aim. And doing something which transcends this world as it was seen by us before and doing zazen. Yes, how much to teach and what to teach is actually quite a complicated question.

[34:31]

We can go to Dongshan's statement. I believe that two things are important for me. On the one hand, being yourself. And so I believe that two things are important, thus in itself. But it is also very useful to get additional systematic or theoretical assistance. But it's also very helpful and of course it used to have more systematic and theoretical approaches or ways of our help. There is a certain longing for what I would like to call silence and what is sometimes noticeable in the sasinga.

[35:37]

And there is a deep longing for that which I would provisionally call stillness and which sometimes I am able to experience in zazen. And this has led me for a very long time to the fact that I was in conflict with my daily life and did not know how to proceed. And for a long time there was a sort of conflict with and within my daily life how to get that done. But lately and lastly I notice the stillness sometimes even in my daily life. And what was helpful was, for example, a thing like this koan, there's always someone who's not busy. And what I practice is being in my breath, getting away from this permanent thinking stream.

[36:58]

This has a similarly liberating effect like reading in the Amidharma that these constructs and ingredients of consciousness are intrinsically empty. Okay. Yeah? One sentence. What I didn't look for, what was being given to me as a present, was this Sangha here at Johanneshof. I think that the way of living together is probably really a... And this way of living together is sort of an ideal way of being together in society.

[38:24]

And I can't imagine a society or a group of people aiming for a higher aim. And doing something which transcends this world as it was seen by us before and doing zazen. Yeah, how much to teach and what to teach is actually quite a complicated question. We can go to Dongshan's statement where he said, He honored his teacher, Yunyan, who's the story about... There's one who's not always... There's one who's not busy.

[39:56]

At a memorial service for Yunyan, someone asked Yunyan why... do you revere your teacher? And as many of you know, he said, I revere or honor my teacher because he refused to reveal the teaching to me. Okay, so that's one aspect. Then I remember at Tassajara, Paul Rosenbaum told me the other day, In Portuguese sense the other day.

[41:00]

That can be six months ago or a year ago. Anyway, a while ago when I saw him last. At some point, Sukhirashi used to speak about mercy Buddhism and transmission Buddhism. And I at that time was trying to think about how to, you know, as I'm doing right now, to continue the teaching with people. And I quoted Zedekiah. She's speaking about mercy Buddhism and transmission Buddhism. What? And I found that people were quite upset.

[42:11]

No one wanted to be in the mercy Buddhism category. And everyone wanted to be in the transmission Buddhism category. But most people in no way had made the commitment, the work, the autodidactic approach that they could ever be in transmission Buddhism. We'll regret it. But most of the practitioners in no way had made the commitment

[43:20]

which would be expressed in the entirety of their life. Or taking the assumed autodidactic approach and saying that you educate yourself about all the background teachings. So they hadn't made the decision really in themselves to practice transmission Buddhism, whatever that is. Yeah, but I was surprised that Paul said to me that even he who'd been in graduate school studying Buddhism as a scholar He felt the shock of this distinction. Okay, so maybe the words are not good, mercy, Buddhism, transmission, where he said...

[44:25]

He honored his teacher, Yunyan, who's the story about... There's one who's not always... There's one who's not busy. At a memorial service for Yunyan, someone asked Yunyan, why... Do you revere your teacher? And as many of you know, he said, I revere or honor my teacher because he refused to reveal the teaching to me. So that's one aspect. Then I remember at Tassajara, Paul Rosenblum told me the other day, In Portuguese sense the other day.

[46:00]

That can be six months ago or a year ago. Anyway, a while ago when I saw him last. At some point, Sukhirashi used to speak about mercy Buddhism and transmission Buddhism. And I at that time was trying to think about how to, you know, as I'm doing right now, to continue the teaching with people. And I quoted Siddhartha. She's speaking about mercy Buddhism and transmission Buddhism. What? And I found that people were quite upset.

[47:11]

No one wanted to be in the mercy Buddhism category. And everyone wanted to be in the transmission Buddhism category. But most people in no way had made the commitment, the work, the autodidactic approach that they could ever be in transmission Buddhism. We'll regret it.

[48:12]

But most of the practitioners in no way had made the commitment which would be expressed in the entirety of their life. Or taking the assumed autodidactic approach and saying that you educate yourself about all the background teachings. So they hadn't made the decision really in themselves to practice transmission Buddhism, whatever that is. Yeah, but I was surprised that Paul said to me that even he who'd been in graduate school studying Buddhism as a scholar He felt the shock of this distinction.

[49:20]

Okay, so maybe the words are not good, mercy, Buddhism, transmission, but... But I would say in general the way Zen is taught, as I've learned it, there's one teaching for lay people. And then there's very little teaching for monks. The situation is the teacher. And only after six or eight years of monastic practice, traditionally, are very specific teachings given.

[50:30]

Okay. Yeah, so what have I done? I've just, well, from one, yeah, on the whole, since most of you are lay people, I've made no distinction whether you're monks or lay people. And I've talked often about things that are usually reserved only for the last few years during the transmission process. And I've done that partly because most of you are not in a monastic practice. And so I have to teach more than I would if I was in a monastery.

[51:34]

In a monastery, it's not just that you don't teach as much. There's a very fine tuning between people that you know what people need and don't need, and you can do that specific little thing. Or you can notice and just notice how a person... It's a different kind of noticing. And it's a kind of... metabolic tuning with other people, is the phrase I used yesterday.

[52:39]

Shortcut to discovering how we're almost like one organic being. Yeah, kind of tuning into each other's stations, shall we say, that almost cannot occur in lay life. But it certainly occurs more, it's enhanced, if we practice zazen and mindfulness. So, anyway... This is an experiment for me to see if we as a group of laypersons who have a practice of both sashin

[54:01]

and sometime at Johanneshof. And a way of turning your life into daily practice. And it's interesting to me that how many people in the Dharma Sangha in Europe It's interesting to me how many people in Dharma Sangha in Europe are medical doctors. But I would say in general the way Zen is taught, as I've learned it, There's one teaching for lay people. And then there's very little teaching for monks. The situation is the teacher. And only after

[55:03]

Yeah, six or eight years of monastic practice traditionally. Are very specific teachings given. Okay. Yeah, so what have I done? I've just, well, from one, yeah, on the whole, since most of you are lay people, I've made no distinction whether you're monks or lay people. And I've talked often about things that are usually reserved only for the last few years during the transmission process. And I've done that partly because most of you are not in a monastic practice. And so I have to teach more than I would if I was in a monastery.

[56:34]

In a monastery, it's not just that you don't teach as much. There's a very fine tuning between people that you know what people need and don't need, and you can do that specific little thing. Or you can notice and just notice how a person... It's a different kind of noticing. And it's a kind of... metabolic tuning with other people, is the phrase I used yesterday.

[57:39]

Shortcut to discovering how we're almost like one organic being. Yeah, kind of tuning into each other's stations, shall we say, that almost cannot occur in lay life. But it certainly occurs more, it's enhanced, if we practice zazen and mindfulness. So, anyway... This is an experiment for me to see if we as a group of laypersons who have a practice of both sashin

[59:01]

and sometime at Johanneshof. And a way of turning your life into daily practice. And it's interesting to me that how many people in the Dharma Sangha in Europe It's interesting to me how many people in Dharma Sangha in Europe are medical doctors or therapists or computer programmers because somehow this work seems to be something you can carry forward your practice. Dean, did you speak yesterday? No, not about practice. Okay, so we're waiting for you. I will. I thought of how I remember the first time I sat.

[60:32]

I did Zazen. In South America? In South America, but mostly San Francisco and Dome. Feeling the sort of driven by the pain, physical, mental pain, but also finding a true home. And here sitting in the zen now across Those figures, one being a sort of ungraspable, while in the other a more graspable bodhisattva. In this nindo or in San Francisco?

[61:35]

Here it is so, no? In a way it feels like not much changed. And yet without Zazen I don't think I would have discovered all the different bodies and the different... I didn't have tools to name the different Bodhisattvas. And now sort of the question is how do you create a space in my own life? I guess mostly where people can find or be this true home and at the same time have this friction with, like Advaita said, the rough self and the pain in the world.

[63:14]

And also where people can find a home. But at the same time also this friction, where this friction area exists, where with what Adweiter said yesterday, with the raw or the coarse self. I guess that my fundamental questions have been turned and turned, and they wouldn't have turned without you, Roshi. Speaking about turning. I think for me the most challenging now is how to deal with culture and, yeah, just simply like stepping out with this short haircut.

[64:28]

dealing with people thinking that I have cancer and, you know, constantly wondering, what do I say? How do I play with this? Or therapists. Or computer programmers. Because somehow this work seems to be something you can carry forward your practice. Dean, did you speak yesterday? No, not about practice. Okay, so we're waiting for you. I will. I thought of how I remember the first time I sat.

[65:32]

I did Zazen. In South America? In South America, but mostly in San Francisco and Dome. Feeling the sort of driven by the pain, physical, mental pain, but also finding a true home. And here, sitting in the zendo across Those figures, one being this sort of ungraspable, while in the other a more graspable bodhisattva. In this nindo or in San Francisco?

[66:36]

Here it is so now. In a way it feels like not much changed. And yet without Zazen I don't think I would have discovered all the different bodies in a different way. I didn't have tools to name the different bodhisattvas. And now sort of the question is how do you create a space in my own life It's mostly where people can find or be this true home and at the same time have this friction with, like Advaita said, the rough self and the pain in the world.

[68:15]

I guess that my fundamental questions have been turned and turned and I wouldn't have turned without you, Roshi. Speaking about turning... I think for me the most challenging now is how to deal with culture and, yeah, just simply like stepping out with this short haircut and dealing with people thinking that I have cancer and, you know, constantly wondering what do I say, but how do I play with it?

[69:42]

I sort of try to play with it. Around here you look good. First question, what is my practice, I would say? The question itself is one of the most put questions for myself. Really nearly every day, very often.

[70:50]

And I'm quite astonished and sometimes a little shocked that I don't have an answer, I don't find an answer to that. And I have to look again for an answer. And an answer in, what am I doing? Yeah. I came to the practice. The practice in Johanneshof is almost the same for me all the time. I came to practice and my practice and Johanneshof is about the same for me. I got to know the practice here and actually I don't know anything else.

[71:51]

I came to Johanneshof because I was very confused. I felt very restless, confused. I came to Johanneshof because I was deeply unquiet and a little confused. And a deep feeling of transience. Through the practice here, with time, such a question has been clarified. The question is, if all this really happens and I die one day, like everyone else, where do I find liberation, where do I find peace, how can I be happy? And one question I dealt with is when really everything is impermanent, transient, and I have to die, as each of us has, where do I find peace?

[73:08]

And where do I find liberation? And Sazen was an answer, if you can take that as an answer. And Zazen, there was an answer, if one can take it as an answer. There was a feeling of being in my body, and that is something now I would describe as my practice, being in my body. In my body, in this situation, In my body, in the situation, in the relations around me. Through my breath. And through my breath. The relation to my breath and through that to everything else is the sort of core of my practice, I would say.

[74:24]

Okay. Janine? I want to keep it simple and anything for myself and not try to play with it. The challenge for me is also to come out into the world with short hair and where most people automatically think, oh, she has cancer. And always this ringing around, what do I say? Around here you look good. First question, what is my practice, I would say? The question itself is one of the most put questions for myself.

[75:41]

Really, nearly every day, very often. I'm always amazed and shocked that I don't get an answer at first. And I'm quite astonished and sometimes a little shocked that I don't have an answer. I don't find an answer to that. Sorry. I have to look again for an answer and what am I doing? I came to practice and my practice and Johanna's service are about the same for me. I got to know the practice here and actually I don't know anything else.

[76:51]

I came to Johanneshof because I was deeply unquiet and a little confused. and also with a deep feeling of transience. And a deep feeling of transience. Through the practice here, with time, such a question has been clarified. The question is, if all this is really transience and I have to die one day, like everyone else, And one question I dealt with is when really everything is impermanent, transient, and I have to die, as each of us has, where do I find peace?

[78:08]

And where do I find liberation? And Sazen was And Zazen, there was an answer, if one can take it as an answer? There was a feeling of being in my body, and that is something now I would describe as my practice, being in my body. In my body, in the situation, in the relation around me and through my breath. The relation to my breath and through that to everything else is the core of my practice, I would say.

[79:16]

Okay. Janine? I want to keep it simple. It's the main thing for myself. Keep it simple. And not try to add more things in my mind. And try to relax. It's a big thing for me. You've been practicing pretty long time. Does it help? Does practice help you relax?

[80:18]

I hope it does, yeah. Well, okay. Suzanne, I asked your father to speak for you yesterday, but he refused. I was glad he refused, actually. then I have this question even stronger in my mind, what is my practice? For me practice is something very physical. When I feel more that I am in practice, then I feel my body, When I'm in the present moment, feeling my body, I notice that in these moments I'm more often in my hearing than in my seeing or in looking at things.

[81:29]

I listen more. Being with my body, I feel the tensions in my shoulders and my belly. This is what happens during the day. But I just come back and feel how my body feels. And feeling more clear in these moments, I open up more to Hearing or sometimes smelling or tasting. In contrast to thinking. Yeah. Deutsch, bitte. What I said is that I feel that practice is in my body, that in the moments when I have the feeling that I am more in practice, that I feel my body more, the tension in the shoulders or in the belly, and that it is also good for me that I am more in height, that I am less in sight of the impressions of singing, that I am more in height

[82:53]

What was it like as a teenager when your father was going to seminars and were you curious about what he was doing or did he drag you kicking and screaming to a seminar? Could you teach Sophia this? I even remember he had a book in English, and I think I had English only for half a year, so I really didn't understand much, but I was reading this book because I really wanted to know what was written in it. So how old were you when you first came to a seminar? I think 17. And what was your feeling? Did it make sense? Was it a nice atmosphere? How was it feeling? Was that me?

[84:31]

Oh, okay. So it started with hearing. Keep it simple. And not try to add more things in my mind. And... Trying to relax is a big thing for me. Is that it? You've been practicing a pretty long time. Does it help? Does what help? Does practice help you relax? I hope it does, yeah. Well, okay. Suzanne, I asked your father to speak for you yesterday, but he refused. I was glad he refused, actually. And since then I have this question even stronger in my mind, what is my practice?

[85:54]

For me, practice is something very physical. When I I feel more that I am in practice when I feel my body, when I am in the present moment feeling my body. I notice that in these moments I am more often in my hearing seeing or looking at things, I listen more. Being with my body, I feel the tensions in my shoulders or my belly. This is what happens during the day, but I just come back and feel. Yeah, feeling how my body feels.

[86:57]

And feeling more clear in these moments I open up more to hearing, sometimes to smelling or tasting. In contrast to thinking. Yeah. The question still hangs in my head since yesterday. What I said is that I feel that practice is for me a body, that in the moments when I have the feeling that I am more in practice, that I feel my body more, the tension, Usually I am more in looking than hearing. What was it like as a teenager when your father was going to seminars and were you curious about what he was doing or did he drag you kicking and screaming to a seminar?

[88:22]

Could you teach Sophia this? He had a book in English and I think I had English only for half a year, so I really didn't understand much, but I was reading this book because I really wanted to know what was written in it. I can remember when I had English in school for the first half of the year, I found him or she had an English book and I was so interested in it and didn't really know what it was that I still read the book. So how old were you when you first came to a seminar? I think 17. And what was your feeling? Did it make sense? Was it a nice atmosphere? How was it feeling? I still remember the dog barking.

[89:27]

Was that me? Oh, okay. So it started with hearing. Yes. Being here now, I can't participate in everything, but just being in a seminar like the first one in Heidelberg or being here now is just different than practicing at home. Yes. German? Yes, for me, it makes a big difference whether I am in a seminar now, like in the first seminar where I was in Heidelberg, or here practicing in the Johanneshof, even now where I can't participate in much. Jürgen? I think it consists of zazen.

[90:36]

I can hardly say anything new. Everything has been said. Zazen and daily reading books, teaching. I can't really add anything new. My practice consists of zazen and daily reading scriptures and teachings. What I feel in my daily life is that it is very relieving. In everyday life it is a real help. And what I feel in daily life is that it's a great relief, relief from pressure, and I'm not sure if I could stand this daily life, these pressures, if I wouldn't have this practice. And for me it is also very important to come to Johanneshof two or three times a year to sit with the singer, but also not only sit, but also have conversations with the people and also with Hoshi.

[91:49]

That gives me a lot of help. For me, it's very important to come to Johanneshof two or three times a year and sit with the people together, but also have these talks among us and with you, Roshi. I'm not only in Johanneshof, but also every four to six weeks in Göttingen at Geralt und Gisela. And I have found that my practice is also very supported and carried. And that was a very nice experience. And it's not only that I can come to Johanneshof, but every four or six weeks I come to Göttingen, to Gerhard and Gisela, and it was a very beautiful experience that my practice is being supported there, strongly. I am very interested in the Winter Twins program, because it is similar to Gerhard's, And especially interested in the winter branches, I am, because it's, like Gerd said, I need some background knowledge and not just sitting in Zazen, and that's what I'm very interested in.

[92:58]

Okay. Do you find any relationship between your work as a scientist and practice? Yeah, the relief is that it's quite often that I don't feel inclined to work very much and so then when I practice and I'm back then the inclination grows and I like working. Okay. Valentin? Yeah.

[94:04]

Can you translate? Uh-huh. At the end of the last seminar in January you said that there are things that we know that we don't know that we know. One of the things that practices opened up to me was the sangha. Being in seminars and being in Johanneshof for me makes a very big difference in practice. Being here now, I can't participate in everything, but just being in a seminar like the first one in Heidelberg or being here now is just different than practicing at home.

[95:06]

Yeah. Deutsch. Deutsch. Yes, it makes a big difference for me whether I am now in a seminar like the first seminar where I was in Heidelberg or here to practice in the Uranus Hall, even now where I cannot participate in much. Jürgen? Thank you. I can't really add anything new. My practice consists of zazen and daily reading scriptures and about it. Teachings. What I feel in my daily life is that it is very relieving.

[96:09]

In my day-to-day life it is a real help. And what I feel in daily life is that it's a great relief, relief from pressure, and I'm not sure if I could stand this daily life, these pressures, if I wouldn't have this practice. And for me it is also very important to come to Johanneshof two or three times a year to sit with the singer, but also not only sit, but also have conversations with the people and also with Hoshi. That gives me a lot of help. For me it's very important to come to Johanneshof two or three times a year and sit with the people together, but also have these talks among us and with you, Roshi. I am not only in Johanneshof, but also every four to six weeks in Göttingen at Geralt und Gisela and I have found that my practice is also very supported and carried and that was a very nice experience.

[97:18]

And it's not only that I can come to Johanneshof, but every four or six weeks I come to Göttingen, to Gerhard and Gisela. And it was a very beautiful experience that my practice is being supported there, strongly. And especially on the winter branch program I am very interested, because it is similar to Gerhard's, that I just... And especially interested in the winter branches, I am, because it's, like Gerd said, I need some background knowledge and not just sitting in Zazen, and that's what I'm very interested in. Okay. Do you find any relationship between your work as a scientist and practice?

[98:22]

Yeah, the relief is that it's quite often that I don't feel inclined to work very much and so then when I practice and I'm back then the inclination grows and I like working. Okay. Valentin? At the end of the last seminar in January you said that there are things that we know that we don't know that we know. One of the things that practices opened up to me was the sangha. This is something I didn't know,

[99:30]

When I come here, that's why it's so difficult to speak, there's a feeling that practice sometimes opens up into a known. Into a knowing. I think when I started sitting about 11 years ago, I did it because I had problems in life and I was looking for an answer.

[100:50]

Yeah. When I sit at home, I sit alone every day for an hour in the morning. Yeah. But coming to Johanneshof or practicing here with everybody here, and especially with you, Roshi, I think it's probably the same for everybody, that it opens up something that was there before, somewhere in the background, that it becomes tangible and even knowable through the Sangha and through coming here.

[102:00]

So, It's hard to talk, but one of my teachers before said that meditation is learning what not to do. One of my teachers before said that meditation is learning what not to do. So I would say that's my daily practice. Also, I'm mostly in Sajan. noticing what I'm doing and stopping. And stopping. If thinking is going on, I don't have to fight. Is that everyone except the three who came later?

[103:24]

Oh, yes. First of all, it's a great question. What do I feel or practice if Well, my practice during the last one and a half day was not to prepare a speech about what I was understanding, but something a little unprepared. It's about two years ago, I think, that there was a little shift in my practice, perception of the work, maybe.

[104:27]

And if I want to describe it, I'd say it's that I am not so much the doer anymore. And it's something I didn't know, but... When I come here, that's why it's so difficult to speak, there's a feeling that practice sometimes opens up into a knowing. Into a knowing. It is difficult for me to talk about it, but when I come here, does the practice open up or does it open up into a knowledge or a knowing?

[105:34]

I think when I started sitting about 11 years ago, I did it because I had problems in life and I was looking for an answer. Yes. When I sit at home, I sit alone every day for an hour in the morning. Yes. But coming to Johanneshof or practicing here with everybody here, and especially with you, Roshi, I think it's probably the same for everybody. It opens up something that was there before, somewhere in the background, that it becomes tangible and even knowable through the Sangha and through coming here.

[107:00]

So, It's hard to talk, but one of my teachers before said that meditation is learning what not to do. So I would say that's my daily practice. Also, I'm mostly in Sazan. noticing what I'm doing and stopping. And stopping. If thinking is going on, I don't have to fight. Is that everyone except the three who came later?

[108:25]

Yes. First of all, it's a great question. What do I feel in my practice if Well, my practice during the last one and a half day was not to prepare a speech about what I'm going to be saying, but something a little unprepared. It's about two years ago, I think, that there was a little shift in my practice, perception of the work, maybe.

[109:28]

And if I want to describe it, I'd say it's that I am not so much the doer anymore. Well, since yesterday when this question was asked, I practised with it. I liked the question, but I didn't want to think about it in the way that I had been preparing for a long time what I had to say about my practice. Right now I'm at a point of my life where it can go almost in any direction.

[110:40]

But I don't want to make decisions the way I usually would. This shift also, I experienced this shift in my attitude towards my kids, for example, and towards sharing my story. I always... I used to feel very... I used to think that I'm responsible for how happy they are and everything is fine with them. And now it shifted to not feeling responsible, but more to being responsive somehow.

[111:46]

It's hard to describe, it's only a little shift. Well, I don't know what to say in English, but this shift that I notice, for example, in my children and my wife, I have always felt very responsible for their happiness. And now it's more like, instead of feeling responsible, I can, so to speak, adapt to the situation and also react to it or adapt to the environment and no longer feel so responsible.

[112:56]

That's the conclusion. Another aspect in which I discovered this shift is that if someone had asked me, let's say, some weeks or months ago, what wisdom phrase I'm working with, I would have said, I'm working with, already connected. But now I think that's... I came to know that that's not true. I was working with a different wisdom phrase. And you do not convey yourself to things, but let the things be forward to you. Yes, I would have said a few weeks ago or months ago, if I had someone with whom I worked for a while, I would have said, yes, I work with Schoenverbund.

[114:08]

But in fact, I have noticed that I work more with it to make things happen. To make things happen. So, we could say maybe that your practices these days, noticing how you fit with the world and with others, or shifting, noticing it more subtly. I wrote a poem yesterday. I liked the question, but I didn't want to think about it in such a way that I would have to prepare for it for a long time. Right now I'm at a point of my life where it can go

[115:13]

almost in any direction. But I don't want to make decisions the way I usually would. This shift also, I experienced this shift in my attitude towards my kids, for example, towards sharing my still and married life. I always... I used to feel very... I used to think that I'm responsible for how happy they are and everything is fine with them. And now it's shifted to not feeling responsible but more to being responsive somehow.

[116:47]

It's hard to describe, it's only a little shift I don't know what to say in English, but this shift in America is also reflected in my work. I have always felt very responsible for my children and for their happiness. Everything is good with them. And now it is more so that instead of feeling responsible, I can adjust to the environment and to the needs. Another aspect in which I discovered this shift is that if someone had asked me, let's say,

[117:57]

Some weeks or months ago, what wisdom phrase I'm working with, I would have said, I'm working with already connected. But now, I think that's... I came to know that that's not true. I was working with different Muslim colleagues. And you do not convey yourself to things, but what the people see forward to you. Yes, I would have said a few weeks or months ago, if I had someone with whom I worked with, I would have said, yes, I work with already connected So we could say maybe that your practices these days, noticing how you fit with the world and with others, or shifting, noticing it more subtly or differently.

[119:46]

So, Elizabeth? Name first and what you do. I'm Elizabeth. My profession? I'm a medical doctor. I have a private practice for holistic medicine. Sitting practice came into my life about four years ago, very sudden and intense. And it was a feeling as if I know this already or like coming home. So it's out of question.

[121:11]

I just sit every day a lot. Breath is not so supporting for me so I practiced Shikantasa from the beginning. What I also do and what I think is very supporting is a lot of body work and psychological work. So I have a lot of experiences of stillness or emptiness. I already had them as a child, if I remember.

[122:11]

And I think I have to be careful not to stick to this too much. So I tend to be a little bit extreme, so sometimes. So when I doubt it, then I doubt everything and sometimes it happens that somebody takes a big sword and hits everything into pieces and then I start with zero again. So I had last time some doubts about my practice in general. So I thought, oh, I'm looking for this nice experiences of emptiness, so maybe I'm just again in this game of desire.

[123:38]

But then I have times when there are no doubts. My teacher doesn't want me to read the old masters because she says that I have everything in my cushion and I have the capacity to experience this by my own. and first i was not so happy with this but then i last time i realized that she's right because when i read something different

[124:46]

So, Elizabeth? Name first and what you do and then the question. Okay, I'm Elizabeth. My profession? Yeah. I'm a medical doctor. I have a private practice for holistic medicine. Sitting practice came into my life about four years ago, very sudden and intense. And it was a feeling as if I know this already or like coming home. So it's out of question.

[126:11]

I just sit every day a lot. Breath is not so supporting for me so I practiced Shikantasa from the beginning. What I also do and what I think is very supporting is a lot of body work and psychological work. So I have a lot of experiences of stillness or emptiness. I already had them as a child, if I remember.

[127:13]

And I think I have to be careful not to stick to this too much. So I tend to be a little bit extreme, so sometimes. So when I doubt it, then I doubt everything, and sometimes it happens that somebody takes a big sword and hits everything into pieces, and then I start with zero again. So I had last time some doubts about my practice in general. So I thought, oh, I'm just looking for this nice experiences of emptiness, so maybe I'm just again in this game of desire.

[128:38]

Then I have times when there are no doubts at all. My teacher doesn't want me to read the old masters because she says that I have everything in my cushion and I have the capacity to experience this by my own. and first I was not so happy with it. But then last time I realized that she is right because when I read something I immediately have hundreds of concepts and this leads me away from my experience.

[129:52]

And this is the point where I'm right now just to... Well, it's a question whether this is something fundamental we're doing, that we don't have to do the teaching, Teaching Buddhism as our study, too, or not? But what we're going to do in the winter branches is study. So you're going to have to figure out what to do. You're going to continue. Dieter? My interest was aroused by my curiosity.

[131:05]

My name is Judita and I live here in Johannesburg for years and my first interest was curiosity. I wanted to find out and see how the world is constructed, how it works and how it's constructed. And that's the reason why I studied this... How do you say it in English? Tax? Accounting. Accounting, yeah. Because I figured when I would know how the money streams flow and how this works, I would know the world.

[132:20]

But it turned out to be not so true. and then I started to deal with the psychology and philosophy of the world and came over to Eastern philosophy and then I started to train Tai Chi, to practice, I was now 15 years old And then I turned to studying the psychology and philosophy of the world and then approached also the Eastern philosophy and started then with Tai Chi, which I'm doing since 15 years now. Then I learned from a congressman, Washington, he gave a lecture and the words and how he was present and what it triggered in me, it made a click and I knew I had found something that I wanted to pursue.

[133:26]

And then at the Congress I met Roshi and his words and his presence and how he said that something sort of switched in me, made click, and then I knew what I wanted and would like to pursue. At first I didn't even know what you all meant by practice. What is that actually? And then the first step was, I thought, yes, that's just on the pillow, practice. At first I didn't know what you all meant when you said practice. But then sitting on my cushion, my sitting practice expanded into every life. Immediately I have hundreds of concepts and this leads me away from my experience.

[134:34]

And this is the point where I'm right now just to... And this is the point where I'm right now just to... Well, it's a question whether this is something fundamental we're doing, that we don't have to do the teaching of Buddhism as our study too, or not? But what we're going to do in the winter branches is study. So you're going to have to figure out what to do. You're going to continue. Dieter? My name is Judita and I live here in Johannesburg for years and my first interest was curiosity.

[136:24]

I wanted to find out and see how the world is constructed, how it works and how it's constructed. And that's the reason why I studied this... How do you say this in English? Tax? Accounting. Accounting, yeah. Because I figured when I would know how the money streams flow and how this works, I would know the world. But it turned out to be not so true.

[137:27]

and then I started to deal with the psychology and philosophy of the world and came over to Eastern philosophy and then started to train Tai Chi, to practice. It's been 15 years now. And then I turned to studying the psychology and philosophy of the world and then approached also the Eastern philosophy and started then with Tai Chi, which I'm doing since 15 years now. Then I got to know Roshi at a congress. He gave a lecture and the words and how he was present and what it triggered in me, it clicked and I knew I had found something that I wanted to pursue. And then at the Congress I met Roshi and his words and his presence and how he said that something sort of switched in me, made click, and then I knew what I wanted and would like to pursue.

[138:45]

At first I didn't know what you all meant by practice. What is it actually? The first step was that I thought it was only on the pillow axis. At first I didn't know what you all meant when you said practice. But then sitting on my cushion, my sitting practice expanded into everyday life. Then I realized that the idea that I had about love or about love, that it is only a part of the compassion, that compassion includes love, but is also greater than love. And then I realized that my sense and my idea of love and in relation to compassion relates to compassion in a way that love is a part of compassion which is the greater, so to say, the more all-including.

[140:02]

Yes, and at the moment I am practicing my breathing. At the moment I practice being with my breath and noticing the particular. which when I'm attentive, which I meet in everything and every person. Thank you. Marie-Louise? I'm Marie-Louise and I live here through marriage. And I always say I came to Zen practice through marriage, which is true, but I did practice before.

[141:15]

Even in high school, predicted she'd be a Zen monk. I don't know how that prediction occurred. I practice Tibetan Buddhism before I came here. I enjoyed it because it gave me like a second layer to the ordinary life and it was something that I could put my mind onto. For instance, when I rode in a tram, I'd switch on a mantra. And I just did the mantra all the time. But now if I go back to Zurich and by some bizarre chance sit in a tram, I'm surprised that the mantra comes back.

[142:20]

There's all the noises and the whole thing. I know mantras. I thought I didn't even know them anymore. That was fun for me because it was like a second layer to normal life. So it was like a place where I can put my mind into in the world I was. Then I did two zazen and I did more zazen until I was pregnant. Then I... So my practice now, I don't know what my practice is, it's a kind of a... osmosis was the practice field I'm living in.

[143:25]

But if I look at it how it's different from those maybe two stages I had before, it's that I do finally understand that my body is actually a tool, which I had no idea before. And even if people told me, I just couldn't even follow what they were saying. So now I'm more in a phase where I don't only want to pull my mind to a specific place, I want my body to be where it actually is. And that's probably what I've been doing more intensely the last maybe two years or something like that. Now I understand that my body is not a tool, but rather an instrument, a musical instrument. this is how you do it, and it is not always the case that I want to feel something in my mind, but rather that I am now practicing that my body is there where it really is, and that is what I have been doing for the last two years.

[144:43]

And then I realized that my sense and my idea of love and in relation to compassion relates to compassion in a way that love is a part of compassion which is the greater, so to say, the more all-including. Yes, and at the moment I practice being in my breath. At the moment I practice being with my breath and noticing the particular. which when I'm attentive, which I meet in everything and every person.

[145:48]

Thank you. Marie-Louise? I'm Marie-Louise and I live here through marriage. And I always say I came to Zen practice through marriage, which is true, but I did practice before. Even in high school, predicted she'd be a Zen monk. I don't know how that prediction occurred. I practice Tibetan Buddhism before I came here. I enjoyed it because it gave me like a second layer to the ordinary life and it was something that

[147:00]

I could put my mind onto. For instance, when I rode in a tram, I'd switch on a mantra. And I just did the mantra all the time. Now if I go back to Zurich and by some bizarre chance sit in a tram, I'm surprised that the mantra comes back. It's all the noises and the whole thing. I know mantras. I thought I didn't even know them anymore. That was fun for me because it was like a second layer to normal life. So it was like a place where I can put my mind into in the world I was. And then I did two zazen and I did more zazen until I was pregnant. So my practice now, I don't know what my practice is, it's a kind of a...

[148:07]

osmosis was the practice field I'm living in. But if I look at it how it's different from those maybe two stages I had before, it's that I do finally understand that my body is actually a tool, which I had no idea before. And even if people told me, I just couldn't even follow what they were saying. So now I'm more in a phase where I don't only want to pull my mind to a specific place, I want my body to be where it actually is. And that's probably what I've been doing more intensely the last maybe two years or something like that. Now I understand that my body is not a tool, but rather an instrument, a musical instrument. this is how you do it, and now it's not like I want to feel something in my mind, but rather that I am now practicing that my body is there where it really is, and maybe in the last two years.

[149:43]

I'm sorry I went into the work period. We went into the work period, 20 minutes, but I think it was good that we finished this phase of the winter branches. Translator hasn't said anything. Oh, what she said? No. Oh, you haven't said anything? Oh. But you don't count. Good. All right. Here's part of the wall. Yeah, there's one. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, I started sitting when I was really in difficulty with my professional working. My name is Neil, and I work as a medical man, private practice. He doesn't know how to translate, you know. Okay. That's right. And so I had the strong feeling that there was, I knew the profession halfway, but there was something missing, and I couldn't cope with the things that I met with. People wanted something from me, and so I started sitting.

[150:53]

I always wanted to sit on my own. I was first, I think, for eight years. I sat every day on my own. I never wanted a teacher and I read books all I could find and always looked for something how I could do it alone. I started with professional difficulties because I had the feeling that something was missing as a doctor. I only read for the first eight years for myself. I had to speak in place of Father Roussel. Yeah, but he dropped away, and the guy after you dropped away, so you sort of revealed.

[151:54]

In fact, yeah, then the case was clear, and when then I heard you made the shins, not knowing what that was, I immediately applied and so I plunged it into pain and misery, but the very end came out thinking that that's the right thing for such a, what we call a hard nut. He has a temper too, so sometimes we had to negotiate around it. Well, actually, that became my practice. I continued sitting every day, but the sheen became my main practice then. I did, I don't know, I mean, times of 30 or so.

[153:00]

Now, also das wurde dann meine Praxis dieser Schienens, obwohl ich auch täglich gesessen habe. And I discovered Sangha rather lately because I had such a private feeling and from childhood on I had to do with shame and not being so easy with speaking openly. So Sangha wasn't sort of, it was, yeah, it was being a bit awkward and this has changed tremendously and this is now... Let's say more or less one body in good moments and I'm very glad about that. And also then I Daily practice is, while walking, it's sort of, it's what Janine said about relaxation, it plays a big role.

[154:28]

I have a feeling when I bodily relax, it's like a little merging into things around me, you know? Thanks. Thanks. Well, I'm sorry I went into the work period. We went into the work period, 20 minutes, but I think it was good that we finished this phase of the winter branches. Franz Fodor hasn't said anything. Oh, what she said? No. Oh, you haven't said anything? Oh. But you don't count. Good. All right. You're part of the wall here. Yeah, that's right. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, I started sitting when I was really in difficulty with my profession. My name is Neil, and I work as a medical man, private practice.

[155:32]

He doesn't know how to translate, you know. Okay. that's right and um so i was i was at the strong feeling that there was uh i knew the profession halfway but there was something missing and i was couldn't cope with the things that i met with these people wanted something from me and so i started sitting i always wanted to sit on my own uh i was first i said i think for eight years i said every day on my own I never wanted a teacher and I read books all I could find and always looked for something I could do it alone. I started with professional difficulties because I had the feeling that something was missing as a doctor. I only read for the first eight years for myself. But then in, I think, 89, I met you, Roshi, and I think several of us did meet in the pregnant oyster. I had to speak in place of Father Rassal. Yes. Yeah, but he dropped away, and the guy after you dropped away, so you sort of revealed.

[156:55]

In fact, yeah, then the case was clear, and when then I heard you made the shins, not knowing what that was, I immediately applied, and so I plunged it into pain and misery, but the very end came out thinking that that's the right thing for what we call a hard nut. He has a temper, too, so sometimes we had to negotiate around it. Anyway, then it was clear to me, as Roschi heard and talked, that it was him. And then I immediately signed up for the first session and did the pain test. Well, actually, that became my practice. I continued sitting every day, but the sheens became my practice, my main practice then.

[157:55]

I don't know, I'm in terms of 30 or so now. So that became my practice, the sheens, where I also sat every day. And I discovered Sangha rather lately because I had such a private feeling and from childhood on I had to do with shame and not being so easy with speaking openly. So Sangha wasn't sort of, it was, yeah, it was being a bit awkward and this has changed tremendously and this is now... Let's say more or less one body in good moments and I'm very glad about that. And also then I...

[158:56]

Daily practice is, while walking, it's sort of, it's what Janine said about relaxation, it plays a big role. I have the feeling when I bodily relax, it's like a little merging into things around me, you know? Yes, I've driven with you a few times. But really driving has been very helpful as a special practice because you're alone, you can relax, you can let something which you would be doing before just take place. And it helped me immensely.

[160:22]

Just a very special segment of just letting things find their own way and just being... present but not acting so much. And now I'm coming here for the winter branches and Yeah, there were some reluctancies, obviously, during the sheens. It was all again and again, what am I doing here, and is this the right place? And all these were resolved in the end, always. But now I'm really, curious wouldn't be the word, but I'm really, I think, fundamentally interested in... Also, a special thing was always language for me as translating is not... I just learned English in school like everyone else, but the transfer and also the unfolding of...

[161:27]

Whatever there is to say, whatever teachings there are, which also are in our culture, in our language, unfolding in our own language has always been very important to me, to find our own language and not the translation of someone else's, what someone else said. Thank you. Thank you for translating. Yes, I've driven with you a few times. But really, driving has been very helpful as a special practice because you're alone, you can relax, you can let something which you would be doing before just take place.

[162:56]

And it helped me immensely. Just a very special segment of just letting things find their own way and just being... present but not acting so much. And now I'm coming here for the winter branches and Yeah, there were some reluctancies, obviously, during the sheens. It was all again and again, what am I doing here? And is this the right place? And all these were resolved in the end, always. But now I'm really... Curious wouldn't be the word, but I'm really, I think, fundamentally interested and... Also, a special thing was always language for me. Translating is not... I just learned English in school like everyone else, but the transfer and also the unfolding of...

[164:04]

Whatever there is to say, whatever teachings there are, which also are in our culture, in our language, unfolding in our own language has always been very important to me, to find our own language and not the translation of someone else's, what someone else said. that in our own language, our own, so both what we let unfold and also discover, and not just transport or translate something foreign, so to speak, and that it also opens up in our own language.

[164:41]

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