It's wonderful to be here today. It seems like a long time since I've been here on a Saturday, and it's wonderful to be here and see all your faces. Last week, about this time, I was facing the examining committee of the Marriage and Family Counseling Licensing Board. I'd like to talk today about the problem of suffering. We were talking about this a little bit on Monday morning. And as you know, suffering, the problem of suffering is where we begin in Buddhism. The first noble truth being that life is suffering,

[01:07]

And the second one is that the cause of suffering is desire. Another way to say life is suffering is, suffering is like disease, dis-ease, that we're uneasy with things. We're not comfortable. And desire is we want to be comfortable. We don't want to be uneasy. So the more we don't want to be uneasy, the more we suffer because we are uneasy. And there's certainly many things in the world to be uneasy about. We were talking on Monday about how do we How do we deal with all the things that we see, all the people that we see, problems that we see in the world around us?

[02:22]

How do we meet that? What can we do? How can we help? And who can we help? And we have a tremendous desire to help to relieve the suffering we see around us as well as our own suffering. And at some level we know that that the suffering we see in front of us that looks like it's somebody else's suffering isn't it isn't really their suffering, it isn't really their problem, it's our problem too and that we suffer we all suffer together But still, some of us have homes and some of us don't, and so there's this problem of what to do about it.

[03:28]

Some of us are actively ill, some of us seem to be well for the moment, so there's something apparently to do. We see the many social problems poverty, the problems in the environment. And it looks like those are also problems of desire. Some people exploit other people, and it seems like the problem of desire and greed is part of what's destroying the planet. One of the ways that Buddha looked at sort of how it is in the world is, because this exists, that exists.

[04:44]

Because this does not exist, that does not exist. So because there are rich people, there are poor people. Because there is suffering, there is peace. Everything has its other side and everything has its consequence. Because we see that some are rich and others are poor, and because we know that desire is the cause of suffering, we're motivated to practice to get rid of desire, to deal with our own desire, to become part of the solution rather than part of the problem. We feel that if we could get rid of our desire for material things,

[05:46]

If we could get rid of our desire, if everybody could get rid of their desire for riches, we could get rid of poverty and want in the world. And, of course, there's a lot of truth in that. because we see that the ways so obviously that greed creates some of the big problems because there is an appetite for wealth and an appetite, a public appetite for meat. They're cutting down the rainforest to make pasture for cattle.

[06:48]

We see these things and we see those connections. Because the trees aren't there, the oxygen isn't there. And because the oxygen isn't there, the atmosphere suffers. We see the truth of what Buddha said and we feel like if we could intervene at that level of desire we could break into that vicious cycle. And because we want to break into the vicious cycle, we want to influence other people to do that. And all of that activity is very good to do. We want people to see that beyond the short-term satisfaction of an immediate desire for wealth or fame or whatever it is so that more long-term solutions can be found and we can all share

[08:15]

and take care of the planet and each other. And the more we see how difficult it is to communicate with people in power, and the more we see greed and suffering and desire around us, the more we realize how much, how important practice is. how important it is to deal with our own desire. And I'd like to talk about our desire, our suffering, our suffering in the face of all the many things that are wrong. I'd like to look at it at the next level, or at another level.

[09:21]

Because the more we try to help frequently the more we try to fix what we see that isn't right the more we ourselves suffer. And so we redouble our efforts we redouble our activities to right the wrongs that we see and our suffering is redoubled because there's so much that we just can't do. The problems are so big and we're so small and we just can't fix them. And we come and sit and renew our vow and we gain some strength. And we read the stories of people, the people who've practiced before us, who have overcome suffering and desire.

[10:39]

And sometimes these stories inspire us to be able to do more than we can do, to be stronger than we are, to be able to take on more. The stories of the great addicts and masters of the past are often stories of people who could do all kinds of things that seems like we couldn't do and who could control body and mind and influence other people in profound and dramatic ways.

[11:42]

And so I think that it's natural to hope that practice will make us strong the way it made them strong, and that we too will be able to do the things that we want to be able to do, that we'll be able to control our desires, and that we'll be able to have some power to by harnessing our own desire and our own greed, our own body and mind, by controlling our own body and mind, that we will be able to do something. We vow to save all sentient beings. We practice. We sit in order to be able to do that. When we sit, we learn to sit still in the midst of pain and confusion.

[12:59]

Sitting still. We've just had Sashin. Sitting still for a long time. No matter what, we're going to sit. great determination, many things come up in body and mind. And once we've mastered or begun to master this practice, which is really quite difficult just to sit even for 40 minutes, just to sit with whatever is happening, with whatever pain in body or mind, just to endure, that gives us some confidence.

[14:09]

And I think this confidence is a double-edged sword. It's the good news and the bad news. So I'm going to talk a little bit about the other side of confidence. I'd like to read you the story of Eka, Taiso Eka Daisho. We chant his name when we chant the Buddhas and ancestors. Eka was the second patriarch in China and was the student of Bodhidharma whose picture hangs back there. Bodhidharma had a reputation for being a fairly fierce fellow and he brought Zen from India to China. He was a very stern teacher and a very strong student

[15:17]

And the story of Eka has always seemed to me to be a story about strength and self-control and determination. The story goes that Eka was a remarkable person even as a child. And the story of his birth is like the story of the birth of many heroes. There was an unusual light on the night of his conception, and his parents knew that he was going to be somebody very special. And as you know, this is characteristic of hero stories. And we'll come back to that point. He had an extraordinary spirit even from childhood and he read widely.

[16:23]

He paid no attention to making a living but liked to roam in the mountains and by the rivers. He studied a lot but he wasn't satisfied with the teachings that were available to him. He was ordained as a Buddhist monk by a meditation master and traveled around to lectures and studied all the principles of Buddhism and all the practices of Buddhism of the time. And one day, while reading one of the scriptures on wisdom, he felt a transcendent sense of satisfaction. And for eight years after that, he sat peacefully, day and night. And during that sitting, towards the end of that period, he had a realization or a vision which told him to go south. He saw a spiritual being which said to him, you are about to realize the effect of your practice.

[17:31]

Why linger here? The great way is not far, go south. So he realized that this was an important message and he changed his name to Spiritual Light and prepared to go south. But this is the important part here. This begins the important part of the story, as far as I'm concerned. The next day after this great vision, his head hurt as though it had been spiked. His teacher tried to cure the pain, and a voice from nowhere said, this is the changing of bones. This is not an ordinary pain. His teacher looked at the crown of his head and saw lumps like five peaks standing out. He said, your features are auspicious. You will have realization. The spirit directing you south must have been referring to the great master Bodhidharma at Shaolin. He must be your teacher."

[18:34]

Now I think that they missed both Eka and his teacher, I think they missed the main point here. The point they got was that he was to go south. So he went south, ignoring the headache. And he got to Shaolin Monastery, which is where Bodhidharma had been sitting for years. And Bodhidharma didn't like to mess around with teaching people who weren't serious, and he mostly just had a reputation for sitting facing the wall for many, many years. This was in December of the year 528. Bodhidharma didn't let him in, so Eka stood outside the window. That night a heavy snow fell. He stood in the snow, waiting for daybreak.

[19:39]

The snow piled up, burying him to his waist, and the cold penetrated his bones. As he wept, each tear froze, making him even colder. He thought to himself, when the ancients sought the way, they broke their bones and extracted the marrow, shed their blood to appease the hunger of others, spread their hair over mud as a mask. hurled themselves from cliffs to feed tigers. If even the people of old did such things, what about me? What makes me think my efforts did enough? With these thoughts, he spurred on his determination and stood there firmly, unflagging, without moving. At dawn, the great master, seeing, this is Bodhidharma, seeing that Eka had been standing in the snow all night, took pity on him and asked him what he was seeking.

[20:48]

Eka replied, I only ask that the teacher open the gate of the elixir of universal compassion to liberate all beings. The teacher said, The supreme ineffable way of all enlightened ones involves ages of effort, carrying out what is difficult to carry out, enduring what is difficult to endure. How can you hope for true religion with little virtue, little wisdom, a shallow heart, and an arrogant mind? It would just be a waste of effort. What do you think of that? How would you feel if you'd been standing out in the snow all night, having come a great distance to study with a teacher in all sincerity, and the teacher sees you frozen half to death and says, how can you hope for true religion with such an arrogant mind?

[22:01]

What makes you think you can do this practice? How would you feel? I've always been bothered by this. And even more by the next line. After saying this, Bodhidharma paid no more attention to him. Eka, hearing these merciful admonitions, and in every translation I've read, it reads merciful admonitions, wept even more. And his determination to see the way became yet keener. He took a sharp sword and cut off his left arm. The great teacher then knew he had the capacity for the teaching and said to him, when the Buddhas first sought the way, they forgot their bodies for the sake of the truth.

[23:21]

Now you have cut off your arm in my presence. You are capable of seeking. So what makes us think that we can practice this way? What makes us think that this has anything to do with us? How can we connect with a story like this, which is a real prototype kind of seeking story, if you are to master the way? You must be a person such as this. What was it that Bodhidharma was looking for in a student?

[24:30]

Here's one of the greatest teachers in all of the history of Buddhism. What did he want from this guy? I think he wanted to know that this was a person who could bleed. When he saw that Eka could bleed like the rest of us, then he knew he had something to work with. There are many stories of people who could sit without moving years and years, who studied with their teacher doing all kinds of austerities and practices for years and years, but who didn't bleed, didn't get through.

[25:34]

What was important was maybe not just that he was so strong. I think we want to be strong and the part of me that always wanted to be tough has always identified with this and felt, as perhaps Eka felt, well, if the great students of old did all these things and endured all these things and were so tough. You know, I just need to be tougher. The sword, the sharp sword, the strong sword, met the arm. strong arm, and Eka started to bleed.

[26:47]

And then Bodhidharma knew he had something, somebody that he could work with. The sword, he got out his sword in desperation. He tried everything. He ran out of strength. And many teachers have talked about how that's where practice begins. It begins with desperation, when you run out of strength. And when we run out of strength, we want to get some more strength. We tend not to appreciate our vulnerability.

[27:53]

We tend not to appreciate our fundamental impotence, our fundamental inability to do what we want to do, whatever that is. Because what is it that we most want to do? We most want to be able to do whatever it is we want to do. And it tends to be something that's not... The places where we get caught are the places where whatever it is we want to do, it's not that it's a bad thing to do, but that a great many aspects of it are just not in our control. They're not things that are doable. So I think that our practice can help us.

[29:00]

It can help us to be strong, but just as importantly, it can help us to be vulnerable. To endure that which is unendurable may mean not just to be tough, but to be friends with our weakness, to endure that, the unendurable fact that we're not in charge here. And we don't like it. We just don't like it. And I think that that's another way to look at desire, which is the cause of our suffering.

[30:13]

We don't like our vulnerability. We want to be strong. We want to overcome our problems. And earlier, teacher talked about this. He said, you may think that Buddhist Zen is just for special people and that you are not fit for it. That's what Bodhidharma, that's what Eko was thinking when he was sitting out there in the snow and Bodhidharma wouldn't let him in and he figured he wasn't good enough. You may think that Zen is just for special people and that you are not fit for it. But such ideas are the worst kind of folly. Who among the ancients was not mortal? Whose personality was not influenced by social and material values?

[31:20]

Once they studied Zen, however, they penetrated all the way through. The idea that we're not good enough is pretty close to the idea that we're better than other people because we can practice. Oh, I'm not good enough to do this, I can't sit still, my legs hurt, I can't wake up in the morning, and I don't have the powers that other people have. Oh, I am good enough. I sat the whole period without moving.

[32:27]

I sat the whole session without moving. I have mastered it. Same thing. Same damn thing. When we sit and cross our legs, even if we don't cross our legs, and I can't cross my legs anymore, We express our determination. We embody the effort to contain both our strength and our vulnerability. The one hand holds the other. What if Eka had noticed, had interpreted his headache a little differently?

[33:45]

What if his teacher said, oh, this is very auspicious. He saw these bumps on his head. There are all kinds of stories in ancient Buddhism about the marks of a Buddha, their physical marks of special beings. But to me, the mark of somebody who is destined for enlightenment, someone who has experienced searing pain. That's a very auspicious sign. And I don't know anybody that hasn't at some time in their life experienced excruciating pain.

[34:49]

Enlightenment may be not so much about getting rid of pain or beyond pain or better than pain. Enlightenment is meeting the pain. So we don't need to sit like samurai, ready for someone to cut off our arm. We just need to practice with a soft belly, letting this soft, most vulnerable place hang out.

[36:07]

so that we can breathe easily. And each time we're aware of our breathing in, each time we're aware of our breathing out, we're connected. to that strength and that vulnerability that's birth and death, that connects us to everyone else and everything else. And it's being connected, being connected

[37:11]

to what is, that can help us to be effective. Penetrating all the way through, Once they studied Zen, they penetrated all the way through, all the way through social and material values, all the way through their ideas, investigating, who is it that has these desires?

[38:14]

Who is it that wants to help? What is it that's happening right here? And when we're disconnected from that, when we're disconnected from what's happening, we suffer. and we do things that cause other people to suffer. We can be like the great students of old, because like them we can bleed. When a teacher passes on the responsibility for teaching to a student, the student is often overwhelmed by the responsibility, just as

[39:53]

Eka was almost overwhelmed by his fear that he wasn't going to be good enough. And the most compassionate thing that we can say is, who among the great teachers was not person just like you, who bleeds when cut, who gets a cold and has a runny nose. So as long as you can do those things, you're in the same club as all these guys. and they really are talking to us.

[41:06]

The part about vulnerability and the sort of, shall I call it, There's a lot of talk in the Zen stories about enlightenment and all the things that people could do after they got it. The other side, the downside of enlightenment is not much advertised. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it was just sort of assumed. Maybe it has something to do with the tradition from India, where we got the teachings in the first place, which has a tradition of very flowery, lovely writing that makes everything sound very beautiful.

[42:06]

Maybe the ancients who lived under such more physically difficult conditions than than we do. Maybe they just assumed that people understood that pain and sickness and the incredible vulnerability of the human body, that that was just a given. But I think we tend not to assume that. And that may be part of our culture and our values. But for me, giving up body and mind, it doesn't mean that I should be able to cut off my arm or stand in the snow all night.

[43:20]

I couldn't do that. and if I believed that I couldn't be a Zen student unless I had that kind of, literally, that kind of physical constitution that could stand in the snow all night, I'd just have to say, forget this, I've got to do something else. I think giving up body and mind is giving up the illusion of control, sitting in this very formal way where it looks like you can get it right. You can't get it right.

[44:35]

But you also can't do it wrong. And that's the part that's not advertised. In January, we'll be having a class in basic Buddhism, where we'll look closely at some of the fundamental teachings of Buddha. And that'll be followed in the spring by a class in Zen. And I think that both of these classes will be very helpful to us in sort of focusing on what the principles of this practice are and where they came from.

[45:46]

And just as a preview, I'd just like to say that we'll be starting with the Four Noble Truths, which is where every class on basic Buddhism begins. And what's important, what struck me as I was starting to think about this class, and this is the first time that I will have taught it, is all the time I've been a Zen student, I looked at it as sort of the recipe roadmap to enlightenment, but it starts with Buddha's enlightenment experience. And our practice, the basic idea of Soto Zen practice is that we sit, because we're already enlightened, and because

[47:03]

we are already enlightened, we can study Buddha's instructions about how to live an enlightened life. So there'll be a sign-up sheet soon, and if you're interested in that class, it'll be taught on Thursday nights, starting in the middle of January, for about six weeks. We have time for a few questions or if there's something people would like to say. I've confused you completely or enlightened you better.

[48:09]

I just want to say I'm appalled even count as very thorough, just the details of the story. And I appreciate your interpretation of it, which I think points to a way, maybe a way, to come out of that story. some folk. It's interesting, because it has definitely this sort of sell-out quality from folks, Chinese, apparently. And either people were different back in those days, or sometimes, I don't know who wrote the stories, or who they were trying to impress.

[49:19]

And yet, when you have hero stories, they all seem to go through something really quite terrible at some point. And I was thinking of the Buddha. His own story was when he chose to go to think of a somewhat less disastrous course would be a little bit pitiful. And it does seem to me that in spite of Shakti Muni's own path And that, seemingly, the point of his message, his teaching, was this is not impossible.

[50:33]

I mean, it seemed to me, from what I read in some of the early texts, that anyone could come to him, and that there were many who were who were just not heroic people, and who were people who were at their last resources in many ways. Many of those people, I don't think we hear so much about those. That kind of compassion of gathering not just of the all-stars, but, well, I guess I'm thinking along Christian lines, but I really think there are many who could call a wretch of it,

[51:44]

I think I need to think more in terms of that aspect. I think that we tend, I tend anyway, to identify with one side or the other, either the wretched or the hero. And if I'm not the hero, I'm the wretched. If I'm the wretched, I can't be the hero, and if I'm the hero, the wretched is something else. That may be the wisdom of the extremes in which the teachings are written. We can't know what it was like for people in the past, but we do know our own culture, and we share our influence by the Puritan tradition. And I don't think it helps us very much to use these stories in a way that's healthy for us.

[53:08]

And I'm sure that my interpretation of Eka's cutting off his arm would be seen by some to be unorthodox at best, but I offer it because it was helpful to me. So if you find that kind of approach helpful, please use it. And if something else helps you, please use that. while this other lady was talking. I wonder if a hero isn't compelled to act the way this monk was. That if that's your personality, then that's how you've got to come into this.

[54:14]

You've got to cut off your arm. We all have our own way of doing things. No wonder somebody else just hadn't locked up and just opened It's not like there's a way to do it right. Exactly. And it's sort of a joke. And I think that's the point, really, that it points to the level at which we don't get to choose. Right, and that's the other side of that. That is sort of the joke that we've been making.

[54:47]

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