Training for the Selfless Heart 

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how'd you do if you try
the lights up a little bit
huh as i mentioned last winter
that on this
series of meetings is training for the selfless heart dash zen meditation
i don't know if you if before use came to this these sessions and saw this advertisement if you thought of zen meditation has training
training or developing a selfless heart
did you
one now that you've heard this has its own to you

sounds hard
and last week i propose that the
the first aspect of training
ah a selfless heart
is the practice of giving
i can also say the first practice of training as a bodhisattva
he's giving
nobody sought for somebody who is a
offering their life
for the welfare of all beings and aspiring to become
authentically awakened in order to perform the service
i've helping all beings
so then this could be said that body sought for in the first body sought for training is the same as the first training of the selfless hard because bodhisattvas art training a selfless heart they're cultivating and practicing and learning a selfless
heart selfless mind
so i haven't heard it said very many times by anybody but
me that ah
zen meditation is primarily
it's a practice of giving
first primarily not just that but sort of first and
and ongoingly
i think that's an accord with lineage
that damn was given
ah to the san francisco zen center
and given
by the founder
to his students
although i never heard him to say that
that our practice is
or the zazen is giving
stop being rigid about it i i think it must be so
ha i can see how anybody sought the practice cannot be giving
i can't see how for bodhisattvas
any action
not be giving
i can't see how for a buddha any action would not be giving
a special see it i just seems impossible
although i'm opened impossible things
and i could be wrong but i had a feeling that that although i may be wrong that's not wrong
and as john said
that might be hard
so i have run i have run into a number of mahayana texts i have run into a number of sutras and treatises
offered to bodhisattvas offered to people who wish to achieve buddhahood for the welfare of all beings and i ivory i've seen in many different ones indian and chinese and japanese and korean tibetan
i've seen them say
body suffers
make every action make all their actions
for the sake
of all living beings or they make you know because they often these texture off and in poetry they sometimes don't always say all they just say for the sake of beings or this six for the sake of other beings
the bodhisattvas
do various things and all the things they do they wished them to be meritorious they wish them to be virtuous
and then
all the virtuous things they do they wish to dedicate
to the welfare
of all beings
they wished to give
there's a slight difference between dedication and giving because giving is more to me is more clearly has to be ah to directional and not stuck in any part
but dedication can be a giving to
the first practice and bodhisattvas is usually called giving but it could also be called dedication
that everything good that you have or need or anything good about anything you do
you dedicate that
to the enlightenment of all beings and as you know many of you as if you go to and center at the end of a dharma talk at the end of a class at the end of a ceremony but not usually at the end of zazen we actually literally say we dedicate the merit of this to the enlightenment of all the
giggs we say that
what i'm proposing that although i'm proposing that you think that more frequently
i'm suggesting that you think that before everything you do
as at whatever you do you learn to be mindful
i extend my arm
for the welfare of all beings
i lower my arm for the welfare of all beings i drive my car to berkeley for the welfare of all beings i go to berkeley
to set has a gift to the people
in the universe
go all the way over here to give the gift of sitting i go all we over here to put on is sitting
you know like put on a party put on a concert i come over here to put on a sitting do you come here to put on a sitting
do you come here to receive a city do you come here to give a city
i come here to give us sitting and when i give us sitting i receive a sitting i said your home i gotta get there a sitting going on splish splash i was taken a bath
long about a saturday night
and suddenly there was a sitting being put on
i put it on you put it on i gave it you gave it
i don't know how you think it would be most beautiful and cool and groovy and fun and did i say cool
and awesome
to remember
to remind yourself and remind others that everything you do in your life he is a gift
and if and everything you do is giving which means not only is everything you do a gift but it's giving and receiving
now some people who are quite aware when they come to this class that they received the city because their spouse has taken care of their kids
i get to have this gift of sitting here quietly because
my children and spouse or letting me come
or even if you don't have or if you don't have any kids that live with you somebody else support you and the bridge supports you and the car supports you and the berkeley police support your everybody supports you to come here and sit
it's a gift do you remember
the time in september
when everything you did
was a gift
so zen meditation is
training and selflessness or it is selflessness it is the practice realization of selflessness
and part of selfishness is that you
dedicate what you're doing to everybody
this applies to sitting practice but are also applies to little tiny things you might do that my
like opening a door for somebody
open the door and
you may be doing that for that person right you're doing it for that person but
if you would not just do for that person but do it for countless beings
you may not care about this but many scriptures and treatises point out that if you open the door for not only the person
who's gonna go through but for countless beings then the virtue of it is
don't take this literally or literally
the virtue is
on the bodhisattva path
we're actually aspiring to be a buddha for the welfare of all beings are were aspiring to unsurpassed authentic awakening and was aspiring to for the great work of realizing a buddha and turns out that it takes a lot of virtue to make buddha
so there's a little bit of virtue in letting the person go ahead of you
you might even say go ahead of me it's no skin off my nose not a big deal for me like you'd go ahead of me in this case
and there's a little merit in that i would say
but the little thing if you do it for the welfare of all beings becomes the bigger and since it in the act of making buddha's we need more than just quite a few little a little virtues little merits
we need to multiply the merits times a large number in order to get the big number in order to make a buddha we have to enlarge the scale of our intention
and it's actually when you do it at the moment of doing it is quite easy it may be hard to remember to do it though and new mentally and you may have some resistance to it for all i know
you may think i don't know what this is
there's something not good to be
talking about making your actions for the welfare of all beans

you have a question about the word virtue and a question about the word and merit yes
am i
i would encourage everybody to research those words virtue and merit but damn there's there's there's the word virtue and the word merit or something they're closely related to the word
i vowed to do all good i bought to do all meritorious at things i vowed to do all virtues i've bought to practice all virtues means i practiced mean i vowed to practice saw good so one of our to your precepts is i vowed to practice all good
i bought to do all wholesome things
wholesome means good means something an action that
brings benefit

well you know married also means that you get a merit badge for doing good job
and in china that the chinese confucian system was called a meritocracy in that you would get rewarded for studying hard and learning your lessons well in performing well on tests so skilful performance
you get merit for it you get rewarded
so merit is
also a reward for usually the some action or skillful action
i believe that that's what mirror part of what marriages
it's related to benefit
whatever benefit there is in what we're doing here
i did i offer it to the welfare of all beings
ah it's a placed a lot of future where it says those who practice all virtues and
and the ancestor dog and interprets practicing all virtues to mean going into the mud and water in order to help beings so the primary virtue of bodhisattvas i mean the kind of the central virtue is to engage beatings
intimately that's the basic virtue
but that involves giving and patience and effort and concentration and ethics so the intimate engagement with beings is an ethical and the engagement is not an invasion
it's that you know it's not taking something that's not given its offering beings things
it's giving the beings it's asking things are beings it's questioning beings it's dancing with beings is engaging and it's been patient with the difficulty of relationships and it's been com with beings and is being attentive with beings all these basketball down to
engaging going into the mud with beings
in order to help them
that's the basic virtue
and that virtue goes with
ah wisdom
so zen meditation is also wisdom because
if it's giving
giving one is fully done there's no giver receiver gift separation
and when there's no giver receiver gift
that i would say is and meditation but also i would say that buddhist meditation as bodhisattva meditation but that's also wisdom
when you give something and then you're simultaneously realized that when you give you receive and that when you give your gift
and the gifts going both directions when you realize is that you can't find any the elements in the process that's wisdom
and his virtue together as i said the first night to make buddha's we need virtue and wisdom
his wisdom and virtue actually i wouldn't say it isn't but it's in this case
it's not it's it's seen as different from the from virtue
who is seen as different than the things the activities wisdom in some senses and activity but in some sense you can practice the virtue of giving without wisdom is possible not you not thoroughly but you can do a liver you can practice ethics
you can practice some patients without wisdom you can practice concentration without wisdom
and you can also the also could be wisdom in some sense but not yet wisdom brought together with lots of these virtue practices so we want to join wisdom together with these virtue practices so we developed the wisdom keeps growing and the virtue keeps growing
so so the selfless heart isn't just selflessness it's like a piece of flesh
the selfless
like theoretically self as mrs cool right when it comes down to your skin and your flesh then things are you know what comes down to your nose
in your in your eyes and your ears and your tongue than some people aren't quite ready for selflessness
but we're trying to bring actually the wisdom into the body
because the buddha is actually a body
it's not just some kind of floating understanding but it's a body that's been transformed
through practicing virtue
it is the fruit of virtue and wisdom together

hi yes

ah what limitation are you referring to in the practice of giving


not getting hurt practicing
in line with the kind of believe in that their meritorious you're not trying to get anything when you're practising giving
oh god you have a right now somewhat don't you know that then it practicing giving you're not you're not trying to get something otherwise it's not what we mean by giving don't you know that
yeah so you know that yeah so that's right does not giving that something else that's called trying to get something
yeah right there that that's happening a lot for a lot of people so now we're trying to develop this new thing called doing something without trying to get something

like can always say that's a giveaway you know
there's some things that you actually to just give away and you don't even think about getting something to say i here
i'll even notice
we gave it to
yeah giving his you're not trying to get something
but when you set limits does very slim is but one limit is that oftentimes when you give things you give things that are limited like you give a one period of zazen or one moment of sitting
give a limited thing here is a little thing
however then each of those little limited things
well you actually a and again limited things are the things which you kind of might have trouble giving
like a limit in are giving us to a moment of time
we actually say okay of i give you my time he got a second
when people say that to me i say i sometimes say what you mean you mean a second or give me an hour
it's people say five minutes i say wait a minute

but sometimes when they say you've got a second i say okay they mean as they're saying second but they really are there that just to get my attention and my willing to give them more than that
and sometimes i say they said got a minute i say i will give you a minute but exactly a minute and i'm good at and i'm okay with the minute actually i'm fine with a minute and that's it you really want it you got it
go ahead
and i actually am willing to give a minute but i'm not willing getting five because i'm on the way to carnegie hall or whatever i'm on my way i got a date
and i actually if they want to talk to me
long enough to make me late and i say later but if it's actually a minute okay go ahead
and if i do that uses annoyed that i didn't really mean minute
forget it
but i would be willing to give a minute but i'm not going to give more than a minute however i might feel that giving a marriages well i feel like i am willing to give it and i and i'm not trying to get anything out of a minute maybe
so that's giving
and i even don't feel like they're not giving me something
when i give them the minute
and then i would also try to remember
that that limited thing i offered to unlimited beings

go beyond the limits no no don't go beyond the limits
completely accept the limits
and that's what got that a little that's how you go be i don't try to go beyond the limits
don't try to make a minute and mint and a half just a minute
and if you completely except that limit then that what opens the door to realize gift giver receiver and limit cannot be found
but if
if we're not completely kind to the limited thing
we closed the door and wisdom
so when we're really kind to the limited thing
the with perfect wisdom starts streaming through that thing starts streaming in there
yes rica

yeah yeah don't go against your feeling
about it
yeah if you feel that you don't want to give i would say
practice giving with that there's a limited thing you have a feeling i don't want to give it more practice giving with that make you're feeling i don't want to give it into a gift you actually do this is an action and when you don't want to give something that's an action
he understand that that's an action when you have that we have this thought i don't want to give it that thought i don't want to give it isn't is a mental action now make that thought i don't want to give into gift
think i don't want to give you a gift think that
dedicate that to the welfare of all bags
and you could say in other words except but to say it is acceptance also it's not really except is nice and quite the same but it is it's acceptance is included it's more than acceptance i would say or a to it it the wage it has a structure
which i think more clearly illuminates
something about acceptance which we don't use the notice about acceptance like when we when we say except as we don't usually think there's and lost so much but giving we get into gain and loss like we don't his ticket into except or except d and accepted
but give us were giving so helpful because it's it's got these three parts which we tend to separate where the acceptance we don't so much get into except he accepted and except whore
it's there but
what are the linguistic structure to work with it but if you want unfolded that way it's the same
if you're stingy
that means you're stingy means that your that your mind you have a stingy mind that's an action
which was given to you actually buy your past action
and by everybody around here sometimes people support you to be stingy by for example asking you for more than you're ready for to give
they say can i have two days your time can i have a mock can have a mile
i go what does that mean wait a minute
so they actually you don't come up with no i'm not ready to give mile all by yourself they have to ask you for it so many things come together and you're given a gift of i don't want to give a gift that should that's what does given to you and then you say
i don't want to give a gift i don't want to give that gift however
i do want to make my saying this to you and i do want to make my thinking this a gift i want to make me a gift and me right now as somebody who does not want to give what is being requested that's me
that's what you got here me
in this area you have me i give me and don't go against me because that's not if you go against yourself to be generous that's not generous

it kind of neutralizes the negative energy or niche in neutralizes
it's not as really negative is more like a constrained you're holding back somehow you just feel like know i can't really like open up right now
and if you really and if you make that constraint for the welfare of all beings used become free of the constraint
so the consequences as practice is to make us unconstrained to help us not hold back but we don't skip over what's happening
we're generous with the way we are
and we're and i would suggest that when you're generous with yourself
do it for the welfare of all beings
please be generous to yourself
please accept yourself as a gift
and do that not just for yourself

take away can be giving
like for example sometimes people come to your house and the clean your house take away your garbage take what your dust take what your dirt as good as a gift to you
yeah yeah well i guess you said take away some dirt from someone take away or take away some posts from a person's boil takeaway cancer from somebody's body
but really you're giving a gift and they're giving you their cancer and you take it away but really it's a gift
and we're really helps the person
is if everybody's with the fact that there's giving going on that's what really helps people

it could be a way of grasping and it's all sorts is also missing a chance you again if you're trying to go beyond the limit than i would say
be kind to that
but that that going to trying to go beyond the limit in a sense is not really generous towards the limit

if you're kind to your limits you will realize that the limits without changing them at all
cannot be found
but if you're not kind to them they keep they keep limiting you
what's the relationship between been grateful and
i think i think when you're when you're generous you you become grateful
the more generous you are the more you realize that you're a gift and that everything comes to you is a gift

that's right
but it goes on both directors the more you the more you give and give without trying to get something the more joyful you will be and the more joyful you are by giving the more you realize that everything that comes to you is a gift
doesn't mean that everything that comes to you as pleasant doesn't mean that everything that comes to use easy
it just means it's a gift it's it's a dharma gift it's a gift of truth it's a gift to help you help people
because if you can see it as a gift and it's painful or whatever and you see it as a gift you helped many beings
even if you didn't receive it as a gift to help many beings is still have many banks
if you can receive things
instead of taking them that health many bags but but if you don't dedicate your receiving of something
to the welfare of many beings it's less helpful than it is if you
enlarge it by the scope of your dedication of the practice of receiving everything as a gift
if someone sees you receive things as a gift that helps them even people don't see you it helps them
but if you see if you see how good it is or not even if you see how great is you just say if there wasn't any good about me receiving this is a gift
i wish to not take that whatever amount of good that was and i wish to offer to all beings in other words it's okay with me if a guests supremely immensely enlarged
i'm i'm working for buddha here
he saw what
michael j fox cause parkinson's the gift that keeps giving right

so you're meeting with someone who you have a story that day in the past didn't do some things which you needed them to do
and she was complaining shoot
you have a story that she was complaining yes
shutting off

where you practicing patience where you're uncomfortable with her when you had this story you had the story that she was complaining will you uncomfortable with that story
we use them with suffocated by the story
we will you will use somewhat enervated and tired by that story
yeah you wanted to get away so maybe destroy with some kind of uncomfortable yeah okay so then you want to get away but you couldn't get away you say you stayed there
yeah okay yes and then what happened after that then you came to class
eventually got away
dimensions of jan
that make a gesture hair
hang in there yeah and and
whatever what the reason i brought it up sense that there was a very hollow and i did very other way and to reply to have done that
in a camp those reactions nothing don't have the actions of thing
i'm not saying don't have reactions know
the actually
so i and being heard complaining of the gift
yeah yeah i saw here's some becomes walk to the go can play somebody goes to somebody goes blah blah and you say hope they're complaining
gay so i started are complaining i have another story alongside of the complete story of them complaining my of the story is this is a gift
and if i kind of like actually like clear i can feel like it is that i can give them a gift which is something like
i'm really uncomfortable
and i get our check to make sure i'm not saying that to get away from them i'm not doing it to get something i really sit now i have a gift for you i'm i'm i'm uncomfortable someone could say that you're that you're complaining and you look on my complaining or really mean it as a gift
there's also the practice of patients which is in the same neighborhood as the practice of giving so the patient's helps you like be present with right in the present moment of this is uncomfortable
and now i want to practice giving now
and i want this discomfort to be a gift
no i noticed you don't you you not to say it
but you actually feel i would like i would like my discomfort to be a gift
and if you really get into that then you can see that her complaining was a gift
i am but it might be a story which i
which i told me for i took i took a walk with a guy one time a long walk at green gulch and after the walk was over we were by the green gulch office and he was you know it was kind of like well thanks for the walk and he was saying he i was great and then he said some other things and
and he was talking and
i tried i kind of had enough you know
and but somehow i couldn't walk away from i couldn't say i don't want to listen to you talk anymore
this nice guide i i actually don't want to listen to the your words i don't you
no this is not interesting to me i'm done with you
i want to go do something else with my life
i didn't listen to you talk and or a nice guys he saw i don't want to tell you what else but i'm thinking but that's one thing i want to get away from you
and the more i sat there and listened to him the more i felt like i was dying
because i wasn't telling him that i wanted to get away and i didn't want to get away and i didn't want her as feeling because he was a perfectly fine nice person but he was just talking away and i'd and the more ice kind of was shrinking away from him the more he tried to be interesting and talk more in a to entertain me
more and make me more want to stay there with him
it was like
a job for giving
you know i couldn't think of way of way i've been going to give him i was getting weaker and weaker
and then there's voice came up inside me which said i love you ruby
and i said
great talking to you see later i walked away
no problem it wasn't a problem criminal and i complete you know and i just i was written
cray walk see later i'm going to go doesn't melt snow
it just kind of like brought me back to life a gift came and then i gave him a gift and he was relieved to probably get away from dry gotta get this guy interested in me again
so we both had other things to do with our life but he couldn't get away from me and i couldn't get away from him were like both going down down
but then his gift kid i couldn't see him as good for i saw will give all yeah i'm alive see later
it's good if you can right away when you first start feel like whoops
whoops i'm i'm losing track of the giving to catch a ride then as and then set in nz whenever i lose track of giving whenever i'm out of touch with that it doesn't take too long before i start feeling uncomfortable
it's not the other person i'm talking about
i'm i'm off and but i can tell them that i'm off i'm saying i don't know what's going on but i'm starting to feel uncomfortable
in this you could say to somebody and you know it's strange to say this but i think what i'm comfortable or uncomfortable bodice i'm losing track with my generosity i'm somehow having trouble seeing that we're in a generous relationship
i'm having trouble seeing that you're a gift

but you don't deserve to town said out loud you can save yourself i'm having trouble seeing how this person's a gift but saying out loud might be quite interesting

you're having trouble seeing that i call him a gift i am that's very insulting don't you know that i'm a gift of the time but you know that every moment of me as a gift
but when you actually say that to meet you're ready for them to be you know what for the next getting next gift they give you so they give you another gift wow okay and made miss it i'm having trouble with this one do and having trouble seeing that this is a gift however i do feel like i'm giving you a gift
because that's that's where i met right now this is me i'm given to you would you please give me yourself
and then maybe there was that okay now i get it
i see that your gift thank you and then they'll be happy to finally that they it's okay i am a gift
rather than usually a lot thousand people are complaining that they don't know they don't think all this is a gift i'm giving and i'm not trying to get anything
but it's possible someone would complain to you as a gift without trying to get something it's possible that it is possible and not like super unlikely hurts it can be done actually quite easily you can tell someone
about a complaint as a gift if that's where you're at
yeah like people on telephone you know they say well i gotta go
i'll let you go
i'll let you go so you're talking to her you wanna get away so while i'll let you go or i don't want to take any more your time
rather than on that there was a new yorker cartoon right it's wounds on telephone she said the hyenas have escaped from their cages and or eating their children
get the lie out there you know
rather than i need to go i don't want to take any more your time just i want to go i wanna stop talking to you
as a gift not nodding to be mean
but kind of like hush
not to withhold
if i
right now it's more like here's a gift an amazing thing that just happened i don't want to talk to you what
are amazing thing is happening i would like to stop the conversation and it's amazing that i feel like this is a gift to us
to as both of us what do you think and they might say
no i won't talk to him more you might say okay fine when you talk about
and is it
i don't know
and then they might say something to you that you really find very interesting
this works
honesty and generosity and courage
are alive
but does take courage
and it is honesty
and it takes generosity
and it's scary when you're when you're little bit were caught off when you when you've lost track your your the conversation talking away and you haven't been practicing giving and you get in trouble the high going to recover the giving now that you're kind of like sunk down and stressed and
not much energy to recover from there
sometimes difficult but then sometimes to use a little voices i love you lori nichol foot
well yeah life hey i gotta i want i gotta go gotta go and i don't have to go i want to go i wanna go do something other than talk to you and the person says
i have something to say to you that i think you'd like to hear
and they tell you and you say you're right it didn't want to hear nicer now you can go
you're honest with them when they finally tell you what they weren't telling you which is why you're so bored because they weren't telling you the truth they were like i don't want to say this to or someone say this other stuff
you know
and then you don't want to say
you're not you're lying to me or something discusses super boring
i mean you're being really nice but there's something unreal here
give the gift
but i excuse me what i'm saying
even before giving the gift i think it's good for me to see that the complaining is a gift to me
like parkinson's complaining people these are gifts to me now if i can't get that them
right try to talk myself into it than i should give them a lot
he didn't mean to get away
him he didn't leave the person to get away
leaving as a gift
you don't know for sure but
for example if you're if you're leaving not to get away if you're leaving not to get something that is pretty easy for you
do not leave me he started to leave nisei stays in what okay
he didn't like you started to leave and and you didn't get to leave and that's kind of a frustration to you you weren't leaving to get away you were leaving as a gift and what they do with your gift was he said
stay here and you go fine
my leaving with just a gift to you and the then tackle you and you say hi
trying to get a waiver yes
get yourself
like somebody could be trying to get away for you and they're really trying to get away they're not they don't think it was a gift and you see them as giving you the gift of them trying to get away so you tackle them
you know and sometimes they don't get they don't understand that the reason why you're tackling them is because you are so grateful that they gave you the gift of trying to run away
but sometimes they do get it
it's fairly vague i like you actually tackle them gently
i am
and you can also you want to ask before i may i tackle you
how many have you heard the story of me chasing the girl into the cornfield
ha ha
i that i was i was eight years old
you love you've heard it you tell me the story
right desert that was kind of the climax that wasn't the climax that was the penultimate aspect so i was i was playing with some boys
boys playing tag i don't know why i wasn't coed but what was coed but the boys were running around trying to tag each other and there was like a little gallery of girls watching
and every time i ran by the gallery of girls one of them stuck her tongue out at me
you know you know this stick your tongue article me
it is not i do it so she's sticking your tongue out which means i hate you you stupid some might have what
yeah but i didn't know that part
so i anyway i got irritated with her and that's over a so i stopped chasing the boys and i started running after her and she got up and ran away
and she ran one hundred yards or so and i caught up with her and i knocked her down to the ground in a cornfield and sat on her chest and i was about to punch her in the face i looked in her eyes
and i realized that she was trying to give me a gift so i kissed her instead
and i wish i could see that face again but there was very clear that that's exactly what she had in mind
but she couldn't she couldn't do it in front of the other girls and boys you can say come over and kiss me
this was not the way to do it what you do issue
it does other way which were quite well
and then we just did that for the rest of the summer
and i actually i was seven not eight
yeah i i attest to freud's or
not a test i disagree with his latency theory of human sexuality i think it just social
the little boys are not supposed to do that with little girls in that age time but actually


yes mike

a story is arriving
true that year
if you one responded
i guess what i'm

what will happen
even if one were responding
the other party

yeah that's true all the things you say all the things you say are possible and also if you don't if you say if you say i need to go all the things you said are also might happen
you might get fired if you say i need to go
the person might not feel you're rude if you say i need if you say i need to go or i don't want take any anymore your time they might not think of rude they do however probably after you know they do kind of think if they're me they think you're lying you know they think you're line but of course they love you anyway because they know you're lying
just because you're scared would happen if you told the truth so i know that people are afraid to tell the truth so when they lie to me i i don't usually get angrier them i just get sleepy
usually get sleepy with people who are pretending to be somebody else i'm now who people are i don't necessarily find easy or likeable but i'm totally up for who people are are almost totally up for who they are and not the least bit interested in nice versions of
them to write them i'm just not interested even really nice versions
there's some really be some people can put on a really good show and it's really just i just somehow i've i've just gotten really i don't know much time left and i don't want to spend my time doing that
but it is dangerous you can do that but the more you do it the more are you gonna get at it
like say like i said you know he said it's not that i need to go it's said i want go so well how do you say that to somebody
now do you want this information about yourself to be a gift to them
you want wanting give them a gift
and you wanna given this gift without trying to get off the telephone by giving this gift
good it's not that i is to tell you that i want to go is or not if i'm giving you a gift i'm not telling you i want to go in order to get off the phone
i'm telling you that so you know who i am so you know what's going on with me
once i start telling the truth
if i say
i wanna go i want to stop talking to you
if the person doesn't hang up i hang up on your right away you say and now my what no i won't talk you some more now that i told you that now i actually have some other things i like to say to you
once once see
once the blockage is opened than vitality starts clawing a new possibilities are there of life
and even as you contemplate the gift internally before you speak it if it's if you know it's it should start coming alive when you think about it
i think the snake or hit the first going when i'm alone alone and you're going you're thinking i have a gift for you
my gift is i want to go someplace else now and i don't want to stay in the phone with you anymore
and i feel really good about this gift and i'm not think maybe i'm gonna give it to you and
yeah i think now i can give it and i'm feeling good and actually i i i don't have to actually i don't want to not only know want to go off the phone i just want to sit here and martin on giving to this person
and they say are you listening to me say no i'm i'm actually i'm not listening to you anymore i'm just meditating on giving you gifts and i'm just full of joy of our relationship and they award gives you want to give me
i wanna give you me
you know was full of joy talking listening to you and not hearing what you're saying you know and the same person might say well you're fired her you know i hate you or whatever
but you know you might say you're going to fire me wow
you know
has fantastic and moc i'm to actually have you committed
and the people come to take you away you see them as gifts you know
it could happen
but i think actually would also could happen it's also possible can happen is
you know
intimacy is ah helping each other
you can you feel you don't feel that this is persons and oppressor anymore
this person you not see that their gift what they're saying is not the important point what the it's effective as a gift i support what is it's it's the gift that counts is the giving that counts not what's being transmitted not to not the materiality not the content not the form it's the giving want you tune into that
this is a this want to turn them into this you are transformed and also this is the way to transform them once they feel your generosity and gratitude
we want it that will be the that's the easiest thing for them to get
that you actually would say you know
i really feel grateful to you
and you actually would feel grateful to them
the problem was not the blah blah blah that they were doing the problem was you didn't see it as a gift
when i don't see it as a gift it's not it's not your problem that i don't see them to get if you're being phony and i see that as a gift i can come back with
what are you driving at what do you really want to say to me
or i'm feeling uncomfortable because i feel like something's going on here i don't understand or are you afraid of me or
so the thing is the to turn around and enter into bodhisattva practice that this conversation you're having is not just for the welfare of that person and to make that person feel good
point of this conversation is to practice giving with this person and it's not just for this person and units for the welfare of all beings
this conversation is an opportunity to be fully alive we don't know much how much longer we're and live
this is an opportunity to be alive
and i am giving of the waste usually is where you start by giving
and when and you don't say when you want to get away you don't say i need to go to cover up
and then she really feel like i think the best gift to give them is to lie and tell them that i need to go
it could that could happen that that that that is really the gift you want to give without trying to use it to get away
that's a test to make sure you're not doing it to get something
then it's not giving
and all this activity try to remember to do it not just for you and the in your partner
even though you're totally doing for your partner your companion
you're doing it for them you're doing it for yourself but you're not just doing it for them you're not just giving the gift to them which is great but you're doing it for everybody
somebody stop this practice giving in this huge way which helps you do it in the small way
because then
like suzuki roshi said what some time you know a towards the end of zen center and center was growing and he said now we have so many members people have to make appointments to see me
and even sometimes people would be waiting to see him in the early days events i'm very few people in the center in the early days but as in or grew
suzuki roshi had lived to be seventy five
he wouldn't they wouldn't have been different world but he did he left the world before and we got really and before he got really famous but anyway sometimes he will be seeing people and people will be waiting to see them and he was say to people not people were waiting but he would say sometimes when you're waiting to see me
the person i'm talking to i'm talking to them and i'm not rushing through the conversation with them i'm giving them what they need and i'm doing that for you were waiting
rather than short changed this person to get onto the next one give this person give this to this person completely and do this for the person who you're not talking to not just for the person you're being completely generous with
but be completely generous with this person because you're doing it for everybody
and then you can look in the face of the person who didn't get to see and you can say i talked to him for you
i gave him all he wanted all he needed and i did that for you cram too but
i wouldn't have been able to give him everything if i wasn't already and also intending it for you i would have felt that i couldn't i had to i would have to hold back
making what we do for where everybody helps us not hold back with anybody no matter how small an ordinary the body is no matter how small the thing is if we do it for a big we can give it completely to the little
and and say stuff like
i wanna do something else now
and really mean that whole heartedly as a gift and not try to get off the phone by saying
one more thing if one more thing it says i had this thought came on my mind i was gonna tell you that i had to go i was gonna tell you that but i'm not going to tell you i have to go because i don't have to go
and then the person might say but you want to go and i say yeah some will see later
one time says a girl she said to me i don't want to tell you to not do that thing and i said
but you want me to not do that thing and he said yes
he wasn't lying to me he was tommy truth he didn't want to tell me not to do this thing that he told me this thing and he said i don't want to tell you not to do this
he told me about a monastic precept and he said i don't want to tell you to practice this and i said but you want me to write said yes
you might try that when you hear yourself in your mind thing i have i just tell a person i have discarded my mind that i i was going to tell you i have to go but i'm not going to tell you that this is called apathetic
communication is very typical of zen i'm not going to like also disagree she said at any one time he said
blah blah blah and i know you won't be proud of that are no you won't be arrogant about that
why is he trying to tell me
so thank you very much and please join me and dedicating any merit of our meeting tonight to the enlightenment of all beings
it's okay
hand over your hand over your merit