And again, don't wait for me, please. Yeah, good. Now it's recording. Does that make a difference? No, but what I said is that I had an imagination what doorstep Zen could be, and as I have not been here before and only heard about what happened here, and now you say this is the second but last one, and so it will not happen again. I'm talking about my imagination what doorstep Zen is, and maybe it could become true. Okay, let me know. So my idea was Doorstep Zen is that people show up during the time of Doorstep Zen and they are here and they are waiting at your doorstep and then they are bringing something with them that they want to talk about with you or they want to ask you and then they wait whether you open the door or not.

[01:08]

And sometimes you slam the door and break their leg. That's the sense for it. No, I didn't imagine. This I didn't imagine. I just imagined waiting at the doorstep, and it felt very cozy. And, of course, other people are here, too, and they are also waiting whether the door will open or not. And we can have a good time here. Great. So I'm wondering whether it's possible that doorstep scent changes in a different kind of doorstep scent. So what I would miss in your idea or imagination of doorstep Zen is that everyone individually would enter your room and ask questions, but the Sangha would not experience it. So this kind of exchange the Sangha could not participate in.

[02:17]

And I would... I find it... Because I have the feeling that we could also develop something together and work on something together. But I think... My idea would be to continue with your suggestion. Roshi is ready to answer our questions during the meeting. And the second part would be that he comes to the bottom and makes... So to follow up on the idea, it could be like that, that people into your room and ask the question, but also that you come then into the group and you are talking to us from what you have had in exchange with the people individually.

[03:42]

But I would like to say something to Gaurat here. Yesterday I didn't talk about certain things in particular because I simply had the feeling that I would like to discuss this with Roshi personally and not with the sangha, because I think that would disturb the sangha. So this is something addressed to Dorothea. So yesterday I didn't bring up some things because my feeling was I did not bring up some things into the group because I had the feeling this is something that I would like to share with Roshi and not with everybody else because my feeling is it could disturb the Sangha or it's something that I would like to share with Roshi and it can be a burden or something for everybody else.

[04:57]

But there is a format for that, and that's DocSun. Okay. So in the beginning, I had a similar idea like you. And that's what I did. And it has been a very enriching experience to have all these doorstep meetings with all the participants. So when you talked about your idea of Dostoevsky, my feeling was it could be like Doxan that happens here in the big circle. And maybe it is like you say, Tara, that there are things that do not fit in here, but there may be other questions.

[06:25]

Yeah, I like hearing all these things, and I will do doksans tomorrow morning. Also, mir gefällt das alles, was ich hier höre, und ich werde morgen früh Doxan machen. Wo kann man das anmelden? Bei Ulrich. Bei Ulrich, okay. Anyone else want to say something on this theme? I would like to say what moves me right now. For me, your process of retiring Some have also mentioned that it is also something where individuals then come more into a position of what adults come from or what they deal with the question of what I want to start with this practice.

[07:37]

It's something that also was spoken about. It allows people to come into a kind of grown-up position and ask the question for themselves, what do I want to do with this practice? Yes, also in the question that we also had, how do I want to be effective for the situation in which we stand as humanity? And also concerning the question which we also were dealing with, how would I like to be of any effect in the situation that humankind is in right now? Yeah. And my feeling is somehow like, let a thousand flowers bloom, although this is a phrase from Mao Zedong, not in that kind of way. And for me the question is, how can we apply such projects or such ideas again centrally to the Johanneshof?

[08:54]

So that it remains connected, that it is practically a kind of axis around which BILES revolves and develops, which would perhaps also be helpful on site. That's not a problem. And my question is also how can we connect these kind of initiatives back to Johanneshof so that Yes, how an axis stands here, how the activities maybe circulate, or maybe like a kind of corrective, or that it does not shift now, but also stays around the center. Okay, so that the activities somehow are encouraged in some kind of axis, so that there's maybe some, in a way, some kind of correction or a way that the traditional aspect of the Sangha is not watered.

[10:10]

in that way. Okay. Anyone else? Yes. Yes. Arushi, you said that you want to put more focus on your writing and that there is also a kind of change going into the next year to focus more on writing. And I'm asking myself how we can connect to that activity, could be one with it, could be in relationship to it.

[11:42]

Yes. Well, I think Christine's idea is very nice. And also that when you mention the Dorsetheoretical Day, that once we as a group meet and ask, everyone comes with a question from their practice. And then maybe once in total, maybe in the end, there is a tea show. So I like Christine's idea of the doorstep time, and especially that each and every one of us brings a question or something from their practice. And maybe... And we can have an exchange about that.

[12:52]

And maybe once during the doorstep time, you, Roshi, could speak to us from all the exchanges that have taken place so that you do not disappear at all. Do not disappear... Completely. Completely, yeah. Yeah, okay. So I like what Hans, what you said, speaking and made me think of retiring as a kind of re-dying. We certainly don't know what dying is. I congratulated my daughter when she had Paloma five years ago and now had Mead a few months ago And I said, congratulations on my grandchild and my first and second and third, actually, grandchild.

[14:13]

Now you've given birth to someone who has to learn how to die. And that's true. I mean, life is learning how to die. Yeah. Now, if I had my way... any of you have a guest room or a couch, I'd move in with you right away, all of you at once. Your partners or kids or whatever might not like it to this weird guy on the couch. But that is genuinely my feeling and my feeling for you, but I have, you know, I have to recognize, it's not too hard to recognize, but a little hard for me to recognize that it's not possible.

[15:45]

Yeah. Yeah. So just listening to Gerhard speak a little while ago. I mean, Gerhard is a doctor and a radiologist. And so his professional life has been the study of the body. And yet, what did he say? Something like, the body that I start to experience, I don't know what it is. So the body that I experience, I don't know what it is. So here we can say we don't know how everything exists, but the more, the deeper, the more thorough your practice, the more you realize you don't even know what the body is.

[16:49]

Und wir können sagen, wir wissen nicht, was das hier wirklich ist, aber je mehr du praktizierst, kannst du auch sagen, dass du nicht wirklich weißt, was der Körper ist. Now I'm in the middle of that all the time. Ich bin die ganze Zeit über inmitten davon. And I don't know how to share it with you. Like you do, anytime. Okay, maybe so. I hope so. Now, Gerhard has been practicing long enough with conviction and thoroughness that he can trust his own way-seeking mind. So he doesn't need me as a teacher anymore. Or even the sangha.

[18:10]

But at the same time, both of us are at points in our practice and with many of you that we could really... You know, I always have a book. The men, unfortunately, mostly men, except for Curie, who discovered the universe in the early part of the 20th century. The physicists... Bohr and Einstein and so forth, Pauli. Also Physiker, Bohr, Einstein, Pauli. Yeah. They in a way discovered what the universe, where we're actually living. Sie haben wirklich entdeckt, wo wir tatsächlich leben.

[19:13]

And I feel we're in a process of us practitioners of discovering a kind of living universe. Now the word for, as I pointed out a few times recently, the word for Sangha in Japanese is Rin, R-I-N. And we call this temple complex Genrinji, which translates as Black Forest Temple. Yeah, but actually the Buddhist interpretation of Genrinji is mysterious, Gen, mysterious forest temple.

[20:21]

And we, we, and the concept of, so it's mysterious forest is the Sangha and the practice. And this is not just naming or etymology. The name of this place is itself a metaphor for practice. Can you abandon your... need for cognitive reflection, conscious reflection to establish what you know. And to find your lifing in in an indeterminacy which is basically mysterious.

[21:36]

Find your lifing in a field of knowing which is basically mysterious. And I said indeterminacy is part of entering the sense of mystery, is to have the confidence of living in a world you can't explain, so it's indeterminate. Und ich habe unbestimmbar gesagt, weil dieses Geheimnisvolle darin besteht, dass es etwas ist, was unerklärlich ist. Practically speaking, our outer life requires usual ways of functioning within our cultural and brain consciousness frames.

[22:39]

Natürlich, unser normales Leben, das erfordert, dass wir in diesen Gedankenrahmen uns bewegen, die von uns gefordert werden. And rin, of course, again being forest. Und dieses rin, noch einmal das gen. As a metaphor, it means that a tree learns how to be a tree by growing in a forest. So someone said earlier the ten directions, the Buddha the three times and ten directions and so forth. You understand that means the Buddha is, to use this technical term, new technical term, environmental philosophy, hyper-object.

[23:41]

It means that the conception of Buddha in Mahayana and Buddhism is not a person, but, oh my gosh, some people have arrived. Come on in. Hi, thanks for appearing on the doorstep. Is that our cooking crew that left?

[24:46]

Yes. But I thought we were gonna just have a pickup lunch or something. They will set the table. Okay. Heat up some soup. What? They heat some soup. Okay. Okay, so if Rin is a metaphor, the forest is a metaphor for Sangha. It assumes, and it's given equal weight with Buddha and Dharma. And if we understand this term hyperobject, which I mentioned yesterday, everybody with me on hyperobject? Nein, no. No, I never heard about it again.

[25:46]

Okay. It's a term, a person named Timothy Morton coined actually in conjunction with Björk, the Danish singer. Icelandic, I think. What? Icelandic. Icelandic singer, yeah. So very simply, the rain falling on your head is the weather. But the rain falling on your head at a particular temperature is also 17 feet of water in 100 years in New York City's streets. So to say that when your baby is born, now you have to learn how to die, is to treat your baby as an event extended in space and time, so your baby in that sense is a hyper-object.

[26:47]

You know, I miss your daughter and son-in-law and baby having moved out. I got used to them being here. Are they doing okay? Yes. Oh, good. They're waiting for their twins. Yeah? It's going to be twins? Yes. Mamma mia! It's good they moved out. They're living in your house now? No, not in our house, but in the surroundings. One baby is always quiet. Yes. So when we speak about the Buddha of Ten Directions, and three times, this is an...

[28:12]

is Buddha as an activity that's extended in time and space. Yeah, so we're multigenerational beings genetically. And we're multigenerational beings genetically. Because clearly I'm speaking from an authority I received through Suzuki Roshi. A bodily authority, not a PhD. And it's... And I mean, it's not a question of whether I'm doing it well or poorly, but it's a question of that's what I'm doing.

[29:17]

And to be aware of that, and now to be aware of re-dying here as a process of continuing the Sangha, the forest of the Sangha, with all of you, Is an awareness of we're in a multi-generational So I don't in any way think it's just me sitting here. I feel I'm sitting here in lots of different forms. But we don't have this multi-generational sense much anymore. We hardly know who our grandparents or grandparents were. Okay. Now, you saw me not wanting to use the word being and saying lifing instead of being.

[30:25]

Du hast bemerkt, dass ich nicht das Wort Sein oder Wesen verwenden wollte und ich habe stattdessen Lifing verwendet. Now, I've learned a lot about thinking from Heidegger. Ich habe viel über das Denken von Heidegger gelernt. But I don't agree with his concept of being. Aber ich stimme nicht mit seinem Konzept des Seins überein. Because being implies continuity. Denn Sein schließt Kontinuität ein. And continuity is a delusion. Und Kontinuität ist eine Täuschung. Okay. Und eine Illusion. Okay. So, when you practice thoroughly, also wenn du wirklich durch und durch praktizierst, and as many of you have said, and Gerhard said just a few moments ago, a while ago, about returning to the presence of the breath.

[31:47]

This really, you're returning, the craft of practice is to return to the succession of the breath, the inhale, the exhale, the inhale, the exhale, like that. Now, to return to just the sense of breathing, that's a dramatically beneficial practice. That it's a kind of provisional practice. It's very helpful, but still breathing is a generalization. Actually, your breathing is an exhale and an inhale.

[32:54]

Now, the level of practice I'm speaking about, you're not simply restructuring your cultural habits. You're rewiring your brain. And a book I'd recommend you all read, which is this book called How Emotions Are Made. By Lisa... Feldman, I think, Barrett. Von Lisa Feldman Barrett. It's the best book I've read about neurology and so forth of our experience.

[33:59]

And she makes clear, I couldn't have scientifically, of course, but she makes clear what I've felt for years, that you're not just restructuring your habits, you're actually becoming a different kind of physiological person. Und sie hat das klar gemacht, dass du nicht nur deine Gewohnheiten änderst, sondern dass du wirklich auf einer physiologischen Ebene eine andere Person wirst. It's a kind of like self-sculpturing or wisdom sculpture. You're re-sculpting yourself. Es ist eine Art Weisheitsbildhauerei. Du bringst dich selber hervor wie eine Art Kunstwerk. And this is the level of practice which interests me. But to really work with you, I'd have to see you every day. I can't see you every day. So in some way, I said, okay, I've put 50 or 60 years into face-to-face teaching.

[35:03]

And now what interests me, or what I think I should do, I'm afraid, I'm sorry to say, I can only do with people I'm living with. So maybe I can kind of live with you by writing and then I can find ways if I can use language to get it across. Und vielleicht kann ich Wege finden, indem ich schreibe, und Wege finden, wie ich etwas dann euch hinüberbringen kann. Maybe I should do some audibles instead of writing.

[36:15]

Und vielleicht sollte ich solche Höraufnahmen machen, anstatt zu schreiben. Now, if you really practice with thoroughness and you bring your attention to the actual physical experience of the inhale and then the actual physical experience of the exhale... Then you actually start developing a being, a lifing, rooted in a successional identity, not a continuity identity. And this successional identity is experienced as an appearance? And a release and a disappearance.

[37:27]

Appearance and a release and a disappearance. Now you've arrived at the turning word of form and emptiness as a practice. Form, empty. Now that begins to transform how memory works, how perception works. You become a different kind of person. Now these days I've become more available to others. I've been invited fairly often to speak at meetings, conferences, etc. about consciousness. But on the whole planet there's almost nobody able to listen to what I'm saying right now.

[38:28]

It's very difficult, even as a scientist, to think outside of the frames you assume are reality. And when you begin to have an experience of successional identity, I'm using the best words I can, or successional lifing, you come experientially close to what Buddhism actually means by freedom from self. But when you think philosophically about self, what does selfless mean?

[39:38]

What does non-self mean? And you don't have an experience of successional identity. Your thinking is just fairy tales. It's what? Fairy tales. Ah, fairy tales. I like fairy tales. Now, I have lots of people, I say that the four tenets Or the four conditions for realisational practice. A sureness, a belief, a sureness that transformation, realisation, enlightenment is possible. If you don't know that's possible, what is that?

[40:48]

I didn't read any of those books. Something Potter? Harry Potter. Harry Potter books. Isn't there a... Something... What? Isn't there a subway station nine and a half or something? Trafficking. A train station, a train platform. A train platform. Well, unless you know that's there, you're not going to see it. So the platform of realization can be right in front of you, just go on platform A or B instead of C and a half. Okay, and then the second tenet or condition for realisational practice is it's actually possible to be free of mental and emotional suffering.

[42:03]

that it is actually possible to be free from emotional and mental suffering. And this is the one, you know, I was just with Brother David Stander-Ross in Vanya at Palmer's, and this is the one that most people disagree with. Brother David certainly looks like he doesn't have mental and physical suffering, emotional suffering But Catholicism, maybe Protestant too, assumes suffering is necessary, I think. You're supposed to suffer. It teaches you, etc. But if you actually release every moment, form, gone. Form, gone. After a while, how can you suffer?

[43:21]

Every moment you disappear. You feel things deeply, but you don't suffer from the feelings. And the third is it's possible to practice in a way that's beneficial for the mind. the non-human world as well as the so-called human world. And the fourth is it's possible to live close to how things actually, everything actually exists. And the first step in that is the successional lifing.

[44:30]

Okay. So now you have some interesting problems. What is the precept body? What is the narrative which holds the precepts moment after moment? What kind of continuity is that? So that becomes extremely interesting practice of how do you have a successional lifing, being, or whatever, and simultaneously have a sense of a narrative which holds the precepts and practices wisdom and compassion. These are the things I want to explore with you.

[45:31]

How to do it. That's fun, don't you think? Most of us have busy lives and not too many people can devote themselves to this, but I'm surprised all these years in practicing how many of you have a real realization or practice. I think it's time for lunch, right? Yeah. Well, we agree on a lunch time, so I guess that makes sense.

[47:01]

Thanks for translating. You're welcome. And this afternoon, I guess we start at three, is that right? Mm-hmm. What would you like? We can have more of each of us who haven't spoken say something. And also, is there any direction you'd like me to go in? I mean, generally I like in these... If I'm not careful, I talk too much. I get started with something and then I see, okay, and I could spend the next few hours... And that gets boring for you as well as me. Riffs turn into rambles. I don't know how to say that in German. Okay, thanks. Thank you for coming on your 4-9 day.

[48:26]

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