I vow to take the truth of the Tathagatagaraja's words. You may be curious as to why I moved my cushion to the other side of the room. So I'll tell you why. The reason I did it was because I wanted to see what it was like over here. I can see those beautiful doors over there. I want to talk about the various terms we use about zazen.

[01:11]

Terms like shikantaza and jijuyu samadhi, kinsho, these are all terms that have somewhat the same meaning, but they're used in different circumstances. Shikantaza, we call shikantaza practice, but actually we can look at shikantaza from various points of view. A lot of teachers use the term Shikantaza as one of the many practices of Zen. Koan study, breathing practice, counting breath practice, and Shikantaza.

[02:19]

And you can use it that way. I think people who study koan practice as a practice, tend to think of shikantaza, or think of shikantaza as one of the practices of Zen. It means just sitting. That's... Basic meaning is just sitting. But in our practice, Shikantaza has a wider meaning than just one of the practices of Zen, one of the techniques. We don't use Shikantaza as a term meaning one of the techniques of Zen practice.

[03:22]

It has a much broader meaning for us. Just to sit means without any other reason for doing something, to just do something. The goal of Zazen is to be able to sit Zazen. The goal of Zazen is to be able to sit Zazen. So in Sashin, what we're doing here in Sashin, is just to sit sasan, and our goal is just to sit. We have no other reason, no other goal, nothing outside of that. And we extend that practice into everything that we do, whether in the zendo or outside of the zendo,

[04:34]

to settle on the activity with a non-discriminating mind. So I'll explain a little more in depth, but I want to mention Jiju Samadhi. Jiju Samadhi, Dogen talks about it, And it's concentrated activity, which when you are completely immersed in zazen,

[05:42]

you lose your ego and merge with your true self and then you express that joy of self-realization and share it with others. It's called Jijuyu Samadhi. It's not different from what's called Kensho. And if we think, when we're sitting Zazen, because we don't have thoughts or we feel good or something, have some nice feeling, that that's Kensho, then that's more delusion. If you don't know what you're doing, that's maybe closer to Kensho If you feel a little disappointed, or a little lost, a little at sea, that's more like kinship.

[06:57]

When we sit in zazen, we put our effort into our posture. And we let our thoughts come and go. Thinking mind come and go. But we don't try to think about something. Our effort in thinking is to think about sitting. How well, how concentratedly we are sitting. That's what our thought is about. When sitting in zazen, our thought is zazen. But that means not thinking about something else. So we say cutting off thinking mind.

[08:10]

But you can't really cut off thinking mind, because as you cut off thinking mind, it's like these plants, you know, cut off the trunk and all these shoots come up. And the thoughts are like these shoots that come out of the trunk of the tree after you cut off the top. So thoughts are continually bubbling up in our mind. And that's part of our human nature is to have thoughts. So if you think you can cut off thoughts, You probably can, but it's not zazen. Zazen is not to cut off thoughts. But to be able to let a thought come and let it be there and let it go.

[09:14]

This is happening constantly and continually. in your mind, in consciousness. But zazen practice is to not follow up the thought, to not cling to the thought. This is what makes zazen a little different than our usual life. In our usual life, we pay a lot of attention to our thoughts and we build on our thoughts, constantly building on our thoughts. Some things we build are like sandcastles, and some things we build on our thoughts are delusions, and some things are what we think is reality. But we're always building on our thoughts, and one thought leads to the next thought, and there's a continuity. But in zazen, we just let the thought come, and without building on it, we let it go away.

[10:18]

So we're not building anything. We're not creating something out of thoughts. This is called letting go of thought. And when we let go of thought, consciousness becomes aware of the more subtle reality. closer, more subtle reality of body and breathing. Body and breathing. And when we look at our breath, coming and going, we can forget that it's my breath. Just breathing is happening. And when we realize Breathing is happening. Whether I want to breathe or not, breathing is happening.

[11:21]

It has nothing to do with what I want or what I think about it. We don't have to have some thought. Just breathing is taking place. I'm not creating it. I'm not doing anything. Whether sleeping or awake, sitting, standing, Breathing is constant. So when we allow ourselves to let go of all thoughts, ideas, concepts, and just be breath, we become merged with self. We say our true self is the whole universe.

[12:29]

True self is the whole universe. When we stop building on our thought, when we stop building on thought, then we can become aware of our larger self. Each person here is breathing, but whose breath is it? So when we let go of our conceptualizing and just enjoy our breathing, Thich Nhat Hanh always likes to say that, please enjoy your breathing.

[13:31]

We share something quite wonderful, some very universal experience. I don't like to use the word universal. Deep experience. of reality. And when we can give up all discrimination, if we say, oh my legs hurt, that's okay. You can reduce that to legs hurt. Or you can reduce that to there is some pain. Or you can reduce that to something's happening.

[14:45]

But if you say, this is killing me. That's just up here. So in order to sit still, to achieve the goal of zazen, we have to stop discriminating. You can't do it without, unless you stop discriminating. And you can't stop discriminating until you merge with your real self. So Zazen is not just an idea about reality. It's being dunked into reality. We dip ourselves into reality when we sit Zazen.

[15:48]

And reality lets us know. So, it's being able to completely give yourself over. Just hand yourself over. Sometimes people say, where is devotion in Zen practice? But actually, Zen practice is nothing but devotion. Just complete devotion to reality. Just turning yourself over, handing yourself over. No defense, no holding back.

[16:51]

We just sit in the lap of Buddha and let go. But why it's so difficult is because we're not used to it. We're not used to sitting in the lap of Buddha. We're used to defending our position and walking with crutches. It's not so easy to let go. Letting go is the simplest thing, but it's not easy to do. It takes a long time. And if you're just beginning to sit, your goal should be to allow yourself to just sit in the lap of Buddha without too much thinking about it.

[18:04]

And without worrying so much about your painful legs, what's going to happen to you? If you're new to zazen and to sitting for a long period of time, don't think badly of yourself if you can't sit still, because it's not easy. And if you have to change your legs, you should do so. Our goal in practice, in sitting zazen, is to really sit still. And what you intend to do, you complete.

[19:10]

That's the goal. But you can't necessarily fulfill that so easily. So don't be too anxious and don't feel that you're a failure because you can't sit still. So allowing the pain to be in your legs without calling it anything and without liking it or disliking it. If you like it or dislike it, I can get into trouble. That's Liking and disliking separates us.

[20:15]

It's our small self separating us from our non-discriminating big self. But it's hard not to like it or dislike it. When we have no pain, everything seems just fine, We enjoy that, so please enjoy it. Please enjoy yourself. But if you become attached to what you like, what you don't like will become even worse than what it is. So we play this kind of game of liking and disliking. If you like something too much, you have a lot of suffering when what you don't like comes along. And we live in a world of liking and disliking, but in zazen you can't get away with it.

[21:20]

In this realm, you just can't get away with it. And in thinking, I want to come back to thinking mind. We may feel, oh now I'm thinking, so it's not zazen. My mind is going round and round, and that's not zazen. If you think that's bad, it's the same as pain in your legs. It's not good or bad or anything. It's just a lot of stuff going on in your mind. That's all it is. So if you start to chase the thoughts away, that's thinking. If you think this is bad, that's just a thought. If you think without thoughts, this is good, that's just another thought.

[22:25]

So in zazen, we have to get beyond any kind of discrimination, beyond thinking and not thinking. Dogen calls it Thinking, not thinking. What is non-thinking? Or what is not thinking? Not thinking is thinking, not thinking. It's a kind of koan. That's our koan in zazen. But if you think, oh, it's okay to have all these thoughts, that's not it either. Since you don't want to get rid of thoughts, it's okay to have all these thoughts. That's not right either. So we keep bringing our attention back. Whatever's going on in the realm of zazen, in our body or mind, we keep reminding ourself, recollection, recollecting.

[23:33]

Never mind what's going on. Just stay on the track. Just stay on the track. Just keep coming back to the track. So we're walking this tightrope, kind of tightrope, and we wander this way, and then we wander that way, and we just come back. Come back. Constantly coming back to this reality. If you have a dream, just when you realize that you have a dream, oh, this is a dream, just come back. When you feel that you can't stand the pain in your legs, just let go of that. There's no way you can go. There's no way you can escape. Just let go. Just let go of it. What we do is confront.

[24:35]

Our problem is the problem of confrontation. There it is. Okay. You can't win. Impossible to win. The whole universe is behind your pain. Just let go. If there's nothing opposite to pain, then there's nothing to worry about. Only when we have some opposite, some alternative, is there a problem. An alternative, you know, keeps us going back and forth and confused. But when there's no alternative, there's no problem. There may be some pain, but it's not a problem in the same way. This is called non-dualistic

[25:41]

non-attachment. And so pleasure and pain, you can't tell the difference. In that realm, you can't tell the difference. when you're not creating a contention, then it's not suffering, and it's not suffering. It's joyous samadhi, G-G-U samadhi, joyous samadhi. very deep kind of joy, which comes from touching reality.

[26:53]

But if you say, I have it, then that's not it. So we don't make a fuss about Kensho or Samadhi or some fantastic experience. Just allow ourselves to experience. That's enough. If you get some experience, the tendency is always to want to recreate that experience. This is adoring. This is enlightenment. This is GGU Samadhi. When can I get it again? I'm going to try and get that again. That's delusion. Just accept everything that you have. Just get back to this. Kensho is just terrible pain in your legs.

[28:11]

So if we just go from moment to moment, accepting everything just as it is, without desiring anything, without wanting it to be some other way, with composure, moment after moment, That's Kensho. It's a Jiju-Yu Samadhi. Shikantaza. Just to sit. And in your daily activity, it seems different, but it's not different. If you wash the dishes, just wash the dishes. Just doing that. I don't like washing dishes. Ego. Why do they always have me wash the dishes?

[29:37]

Just ego. If you complain like that, people keep you washing the dishes forever. Until you wake up. So our practice is a little different than daily life, than usual activity. If we compare our practice to the usual expectation we have in our daily life, it's not the same. And we don't do things for the same reasons that we usually do. people usually do in daily life.

[30:40]

So we should be aware of that. And when we try to change things in order to Sometimes we feel we've been practicing for 10, 15 years and we haven't made any progress. So maybe we should change things because it's not working. We have to be careful of that. Zen practice is like a grindstone. We're pretty tough stones. We're pretty tough. It's hard to grind us down. And sometimes we think, well, I haven't been ground down. Maybe there's something wrong. But it's just that we're tough. Very resistant.

[31:51]

So we should be careful before we I'll start changing things too much. You may feel, well, I've been practicing for 10 years and nothing's happened. That's fine. Don't worry. Something's happened, but you just don't realize it. But what we think is we want to add things up. Something happens means to us If all the things that we did add up to something, then that's meaningful. But not in our Zen practice. We don't add things up. It's not an accumulative practice. That's a materialistic practice. Our Zen practice is not materialistic, although we don't ignore the materialistic side.

[33:01]

But it doesn't add up to something. Dogen says, Zazen is just the gate of repose and bliss. It's a comfortable way. It is so. But rather than adding up, we get it out of the way. Not an accumulated practice, it's a get out of the way. Get rid of it. Which means get rid of all desire to get something, get someplace. It's just the opposite of our society. But we can accept our society too, but as long as we're not fooled by it, as long as we don't get stuck in it or turned around by it.

[34:19]

And that's the other side, is to not get turned around. So you can say maybe the purpose of our zazen at this time is to help us not to get turned around by things. If we can do that, then that's maybe some materialistic benefit. some concrete benefit, something that you can tangibly put your hand on. So anyway, in our session today,

[35:32]

Let's give ourselves the opportunity to let go a bit. Sit in the lap of Buddha. Let go of our discriminating mind and our acquisitive mind. and just sit comfortably. And since, you know, we're really our true body is the whole universe.

[36:34]

Our true body and mind is the whole universe. And if we can reach down into the bottom of our true Self, I like to feel that we have some effect on this universe because of our activity. I feel very deeply that our activity of zazen has some very deep effect on this world. I don't see how it can't. we may not be able to see it, like you see things that are obvious. But if you think about it a little, you can see how it's so.

[37:41]

So this practice is not just for our own self-gratification. Suzuki Roshi used to say, how can you do something selfish for your own self-gratification when there's so many people suffering in the world. So if we don't understand why we're sitting, we should try to find out Okay.

[39:07]

Deep zazen influences human... I really feel that deep zazen influences our collective human nature. I don't mean psychically or some... I don't know how. I feel it, the far-reaching effect of our activity. So I feel that we should be very careful how we behave. because everything we do is meaningful and has some effect.

[40:56]

I think that the more you sit, the more you realize that. And the more I see how things are happening in this world, in our Zen world, the more I realize how very, very careful we have to be. Because we can forget, but we don't see what effect our practice has in the world until something happens to wake us up. Till we bump into something. So let's continue very carefully and mindfully. Thank you.

[41:59]

Looks like people have asked him to leave, but they haven't. has not been able to get into the door because he hasn't changed. I don't want to talk too much about it, but he's too big to get in the door. And he went out the door and he became big and the house became small. And now I can't get back in. But nobody's keeping him out. Yes? Do you think it would be possible, if Kai New York is here for some time, to have him come here to Berkeley? We'll ask. We'll ask. Definitely we'll ask.

[43:16]

What's going to happen to your dharma transmission? My dharma transmission? Oh. Well, I don't know. You probably know that Bhakti Roshi was going to give me dharma transmission, but he decided that I wasn't supporting him enough in the way he would have liked me to have supported him. So he said that he didn't want to continue. So I'm just letting the dust settle. And there are other possibilities, you know. And I just want to let a little clarity come into the situation. And then when the right opportunity to do it comes with some person that I feel good about, feels good about me.

[44:21]

And we'll do that. She asked me about dharma transmission. Dharma transmission is when a teacher hands down his authority to someone else to make that person independent. And they become a lineage holder and they can ordain people. Really? I guess one reason that I'm encouraged by Category Roshi's coming is that I think in a part of our American practice that we haven't worked out so well is how practice leaders themselves are supported by their peers and how they are instructed by their seniors.

[45:27]

And I think often, and that's probably, it's probably practice leaders of your generation that are going to really begin to work this issue out. So I wonder how Well, what's your thoughts on this issue, Laura? Well, I think that's good. I think that Kanagiri being put into that position gives, well, it gives Zen Center a chance to feel legitimate about doing what it's doing. And instead of people putting themselves into some position, he can help. to define with people what position means, you know, or help to adjust in that way. But as far as people getting along with each other, I think that you're right.

[46:29]

I think that... I kind of see what you mean in a way, but I'm not sure what you mean completely. Well, it can be very lonely, obviously, and very stressful. And I don't know how... In Japan, I gather that there was quite a sense of community, and practice leaders were never alone, because there was an informal as well. So, how is a practice leader himself or herself sustained and nourished? Well, see, actually, there are two ways. One way is a practice leader, someone who is a teacher, is actually independent. That's a kind of trust, is to make a person really independent, and much more so than here. See, we've received that model of independent teacher, and it's caused a lot of trouble, because the people who become independent teachers don't have enough self-understanding.

[47:35]

But also, see, in a monastery that doesn't happen because you have a lot of teachers, a lot of practice leaders in a monastery. And they control it, they check each other, you know. But in a place like this, you don't have that check so much, you know. So a person has to be very careful, very good to to be independent like that. But even so, if there's some problem, usually there's some check because there is a lot of interrelation between people who are in certain positions, in high positions. You understand what I mean? So there's a lot of freedom and a lot of independence, but at the same time, a lot of trust And a lot of, there's a way of checking with each other, with people.

[48:47]

So, and there's also a way of handling a situation that gets out of hand. There's a way of doing that, which we don't have, haven't had up to now, but which is definitely going to be developed. How, you know, I don't think anybody will have that kind of independence so easily. Yes? I just wanted to thank everybody and you for doing just that. I've been very grateful over these last few months that there's been an openness with my friends at Zen Center and here about this struggle and this process. And I've never seen or heard of anything like this. in any church or organization before that has been this open as people have struggled with it. So I just wanted to thank everyone.

[49:50]

So that's encouraging. And we want to continue to make it work. Sentient beings are numberless.

[50:12]

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