And I got up and I don't remember what it was I was even saying at a certain point or what I was asking. And you just said to me, what is it that you want? And I replied, to be free of these burdens. And you simply bowed to me in a way that just shot right through me. and I bowed back and I just carried that with me, just the way your physical presence and what you do without words. And when we talk to people up here about Berkeley Zen Center and what the kind of our lineage is like, it's that, just simply being present, sitting, and just letting go.

[01:08]

And thank you so much. Oh, I got to say also, by the way, you've been bugging me about throwing pots. I've been throwing pots. Andrea, you're muted. Walter? Sojin, hello. Sojin, I've studied and served you for 17 years there at Berkeley Zen Center. Then four years ago, I moved away to my new home in Sonoma County. Ultimately though, What is this time and distance? What is this time and distance? When I sit, you are there.

[02:10]

When I bow, you are there. Chant and you're there. Ring the bell and you're there. And I'm not kidding, every time, every time I hear you say, no, no, or that's good, It's a constant presence in my life and practice. I can't express enough gratitude for your teaching, your generosity and patience. It's boundless. Thank you so much. Susan Marvin. I think Sojin wants to say something and he's mute. What I want to say is that A good many of you are sitting below the water line. So I see you from the nose up. Could you please raise yourself? I'd rather see the whole one, whole person. Hello, Sojin.

[03:17]

Can you see me from? I can see you, yeah. Okay. Well positioned. Okay. Except that I can't see you. Now I lost you. Where are you? We're getting there. We're getting there. Oh, there you are. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah. Where is she? Somewhere out there. There you are. You're in my position. So one of the first couple times that I ever went to dokasan with you, so I didn't really know you very well at all, actually. And I said to you, I'm not really sure this practice is for me. And you looked at me and you said something like, oh, really? Why not? Kind of just like that. And I said, well, I'm just not very intellectual.

[04:19]

And you just started roaring. You just laughed out loud so loudly. And I said, what are you laughing about? And you looked at me and you said, don't worry about that. Just practice. And I was thinking the other day that That way that you just laughed right out loud really set the tone for the decades to come for me. And that what I really appreciate about you most of all is this blend of serious effort and such a spirited humor. And I just want you to know that I have enjoyed practicing with you all these years thoroughly and laughing with you thoroughly. Thank you so much. Micah.

[05:26]

Sochin Roshi. Hi, everybody. Let me see, I think I'll, let me put this on speaker view so I can actually see, or no, hold a second. I think I'll pin, if I can find, there you are, okay. So, thank you for this beautiful practice that saved my life. So it gives me the willies to think about how I could have taken a different path. Truly, I'm not exaggerating.

[06:35]

It saved my life, the practice, and you, Ms. Songer. So thank you for that. And we had a nice check-in recently, and I was really grateful that we had a chance to, you know, just catch up. And besides that, just hilarious moments of living at the Zendo and all those excruciating sushins that were so much fun somehow anyway. For example, Bob Janizak riding his new mountain bike up and down the Zendo steps, crazy. You know, having dinners with the Israelis and, you know, just so many crazy times. Like a little bit of time left and then that's it. Okay. Um, so just, uh, lots of gratitude and you know what I'm talking about.

[07:36]

So thank you. Carol? Hello, Sochin Roshi. I think the teaching, well, there's so many, but the one that I'm really practicing with is the teaching you gave me after Al died. And you said, you take one step, and then you take the next step, and you enjoy your life. And in that time of great sorrow, I really took that up to enjoy my life. And I want to thank you for that. And I also want to thank you for laughing at my jokes and let you know how much fun you are. It's just a very light feeling, not that you can't be serious, but you have a lot of lightness.

[08:43]

that's shining through you. I also want to thank you. I never felt judged by you or criticized, and I didn't realize that until I started thinking about this the last day or so, what a gift that was, and that I hadn't felt that from my father, for example. And the last thing I want to thank you about is when I told you I started to date Al, I thought you'd be excited for me, but instead you said, oh, that's great for Al. And I thought, well, what about me? And it took a long time for me to realize that you were just looking out for Al too. And I really appreciate that. So I just, with boundless love, I just thank you for all the guidance. and the encouragement and confidence that you have expressed towards me.

[09:47]

Thank you. Ellen. Ellen, unmute. about that. I just want to say that I share many of the things that others have said either today or other days. So I want to say the thing that has been the most special, really unique for me, which is the way, sometimes in a humorous way and sometimes in a very, bracing way, you have allowed me to see the workings of my mind.

[10:51]

And I will be forever grateful for that. Gary? I saw him. I'm going to do my best, my throat might give out, but like always, I kind of share my experience, or I share my experiences as kind of my dharma. You know, when we enter the Zen Dojo, we all come with baggage, things that aren't really necessary or we're struggling with. And one of mine was to hide, which is kind of odd because I took on positions like session director and head server for a number of years. And whenever I had served, your eyes were always on me.

[11:57]

They never left me. And I noticed that. And I felt seen. and seen in a way that made me even more want to hide. But there was this one time, I was late getting to the Zendo, everything was set up, and I was head serving, and I stepped in the room, and everybody's eyes were on me, and I was totally naked. And it just freed me from that whole thing with hiding, which was a great teaching that you somehow led. Well, I think that's all I want to say, but I love you and I'm grateful to have had the chance to practice with you.

[13:09]

Mary? Hello, Sojin. Did you say Mary? Go for it. Go for it, Mary. Oh, did I misunderstand? You're fine. Okay. All right. I think I was of what Gary just said about being seen. And I want to confess that I didn't always realize how well that you see. And that those, that I realized it slowly over time. When I was very afraid of Jukai, I was afraid of getting a name. especially the name which says what is the edge you're working on.

[14:19]

I think I anticipated it to be, you know, a criticism. What I didn't anticipate and never occurred to me is that the name would be deeply reassuring and deeply, caused me to feel deeply seen but, I realized that slowly over time, just like being, like we say, walking through mist. The name you gave me, the first name is Honkyo, which means original home. And I had always felt homeless. So to be reassured in that very deep way, And to realize that it came from your intuition has been deeply impressive to me and remarkable.

[15:26]

So, Mary, if you can wrap up soon, that would be great. And I have plenty of things I want to say, and we can continue this conversation later. Are you unmuting, Jerry? You're moving your lips, Jerry, but we can't. There we go. So rather, for me, rather than get lost in narrative, which I can, I thought I'd read a couple of poems, Sojin, that I'd written after my my Shuso experience with you, and one that was part of my pre-sordination with you, which I would put under the heading of Face-to-Face Transmission.

[16:32]

So the first one was from Shuso Ceremony. My Shuso poem was Medicine and Disease Subdue Each Other. A monk sets out from Shogakuji Temple to find the cure for her dis-ease. She scales mountainous sutras, fords rivers of murky koans, trudges through the muck of karmic hindrances, never finding the elusive it. She comes upon a sign left by her teacher. Two arrow points meeting marked, this is the way. The path is strewn with flowers. blades of grass, a shit stick, tea cakes, pebbly rice. She sees a man who raises a single finger, a wild goose flying in circles above her, a fox basking in the sun. She stops and studies each one, finding them all empty, all medicine and not medicine, distinct but not separate, a dynamic interconnectedness.

[17:40]

The road leads back to Shogakuji, meeting her teacher. They both smile. Go back into the zendo and sit, one with all the others. Jerry, I think we'll need to stop with just one poem. Okay, that's fine. I'll talk to you more later. Grace? Thank you. Good evening to all and to Sojin. Sojin, I've been thinking about your superpower. And what is your superpower? And I think we see it here, which is your ability to connect to so many. Despite conflict and being a Rosenberg, and my being a Rosenberg, we have swords that meet.

[18:45]

And I often tell people that there hasn't been any pair, any student of yours who's had more difficulty with you than has stayed with you. But I believe that's your superpower, not mine. So thank you. Thank you for showing it to me. Greg? Hi Sojin, Mel. I've never felt more frustrated about COVID and Zooms than I do right now. I wish I could crawl through the screen and sit next to you. And actually, I wish I could hold your hand. I mean, we've done so many things together. I've been with you so many times and in so many ways, but I've never held your hand and I wish I could do that.

[19:49]

I too think a lot about your smile and the sparkle in your eye. Oh, thank you. You know, so much that you do is like Shaki Mooney's flower, right, to me. It operates like Shaki Mooney's flower, and you just did it again. Did it again. What can I say, you know? Without you and Berkeley Zen Center, I wouldn't be sitting next to my wife right now. My children wouldn't exist. You have done more to help me become an adult than anyone I know. You've done more to help me be my continuously mistaken ordinary self. And like so many have already said, I too, I deeply and love you so much. Thank you for everything. Hannah.

[21:01]

So I came here knowing a lot about you from your students who were my teachers and came having been to so somewhere else. I've so appreciated our meetings. You have a way of being completely there, open, present, receiving. Happened the other day on the walkway. You were coming out the gate and I had come in. Happened so many times in the kitchen serving bread or salad. Thank you. In my heart means a lot. Jake? Sojourn Roshi.

[22:13]

Oh, dear Sojourn. I am so eternally grateful to know you. I think I knew that I wanted you to be my teacher when we bowed out, you know, leaving the zendo, looking in your eyes, it's something about that. Totally accepting, nonjudgmental, those eyes. And then as I got to know you, that is your being and your great gift to all of us. And one of the things you gave to me was to let go, to continue my zazen off the cushion. It's the same thing, off the cushion.

[23:17]

Find my breath, let it go. And in letting go, everything is possible. And I want to read something. You're frozen, Jake. Frozen. Am I still frozen? Could you read it again, Jake? You were frozen. OK. This is my rakasu from Land Trustment. Just my ending thing I want to read, so you wrote for me. The true person is not anyone in particular, but like the deep blue color of the limitless sky, It is everyone, everywhere in the world. Judy? Dear Sojin, I have your face on a big screen right now.

[24:37]

So it's just so wonderful to see you with that tree behind you and just have this sense that you're very much like that to me. You've really taught me what faith and buoyancy really are. When I first came to BCC, I came really from a different culture of Zen, of practice with similarities. And in a lot of ways, meeting you was an enigma. And one of the things that I've really appreciated over all this time is your constancy of how you would meet me and whatever was coming up around that to really shift to really getting what faith and buoyancy really look like, that they are all the waves that I've experienced with you.

[25:37]

And one moment that stands out for me was, it was in the Zendo. There was some difficult conversation about something painful going on in the world. This wasn't long after I think Nancy been killed and we had gone through all that. And you did something I've never experienced with you before, which is When we left the Zendo and I just walked over to your office and you were just outside and somehow you must have sensed because you were turned towards your door, but you turned around and our eyes just met and you just put your arm around me, around my shoulder. And it was, I really had that sense of what it is to stand beside. And to me, that was a beautiful teaching in equality that really includes that difference.

[26:37]

To me, that's really your faith shining through. And one other thing I want to say about that is, to me, it's how you also can do what you did when I first saw you in 2003 in Japan at a truck stop when we were on our way to some temple. I noticed you right away because you were delighting in a matcha soft serve, just going to town on that cone. So that's how I see you. And I want to thank you for that. It includes everything. Karen? Mel, Sojin, we met when I was so young. I want to thank you most for your attention. You know,

[27:39]

My father never had one minute of time for me. So it took me about 20 years to realize I could knock on your door. And I so appreciated that. And I really, one of my best memories is all those times we met and studied. You snapped at me once because I pretended to understand the Heart Sutra, and I really didn't. And you told me, you don't understand a thing. And I could have been, I was a little insulted, but then you said, come study with me. And we met regularly for years studying the Heart Sutra. And spending that kind of time with you really meant so much to me and it helped me with my I think I learned the most Dharma from just those face-to-face meetings.

[28:43]

And then after that, we studied Vasubandhu and transformation at the base. And I just really enjoyed your company and your understanding and your patience with me. So thank you so much. Mary Moseen. I thought I wasn't going to talk. I've said a lot in the last week or so. But, Sajan, you've been hard on me lots of times. And I deeply appreciate it. Mostly. And we've laughed together a lot.

[29:50]

And your eyes looking at me straight on will stay with me forever. So. Penelope? Sergeant Roshi, I've always been delighted by the fact that we share July 9th as our mutual birthday. and that we've sent emails and cards back and forth to appreciate that along with remembering other people of the same birthday, Tom Hanks, David Hockney, and then of course, OJ Simpson. We've laughed about that before.

[31:06]

Well, I haven't really worked closely with you, Sojin Roshi. I've been, I have appreciated being part of a sangha and watching and experiencing your steadiness and your constancy, your presence in the zendo, when we were doing that then, all the time, your very steadiness and availability. I think it's been very touching for me to watch how you communicated your love of Suzuki Roshi's teaching and how you then embodied it and brought it forth in our sangha. So that in a very meaningful way, I feel like I've gotten to know his teachings really through you. Other people have mentioned this, but I'm a lover of laughter and I've cherished your humor I like the way you laugh at your own jokes when you're doing a day show.

[32:09]

When you laugh at other people's jokes, there's a sense of you're laughing with, never at. And also just embracing the big humor of it all that we live in. So it feels very heart leavening for me. Thank you so much. Marie? Dojin, a very favorite moment of mine. Can you hear me? You can't hear me. Speak up. OK. A favorite moment of mine is when you and I were standing on the porch waiting to go inside. the Zendo, and it might've been during a rohatsu, but it was very cold outside.

[33:10]

And I watched you take off your flip-flops and your bare feet, and I had the thickest socks on I could find. And I said to you, aren't your feet cold? And you smiled at me and you said, yes, but I don't mind. And it was something that always stuck with me, that whatever happened, I always had the choice to say, you know, I don't mind. It's okay. It's influenced my work. It's influenced my life. And that is just one of the many teachings that I took from you. For that, I am grateful for so many things. I am grateful. I am grateful to you for my husband and for my children, for Berkeley Zen Center, which is like a second home and a second family. I am most grateful for Zen practice, which is the very best part of my life.

[34:15]

It is a part of everything and it is so reassuring and I am so grateful to you for it. So I love you. and I will enjoy forever having you in my heart and mind. Thank you. Peter? Sojin, about 50 years ago, I snuck into the Berkley Zen Center I'm Dwight Way, and you were in the corner talking to some folks. And I just went and sat down. And then I heard you say, did you come for instruction? And yeah, I'm still here.

[35:21]

And I was reflecting on the reason I'm still here, which is that through all the ups and downs and the difficult and wonderful points of my life, marriage, family, then practice. And particularly at these times when there's so much imminent change and difficulty, I always felt like from the very first time I met you, that you saw me and you saw me clearly. And that has helped me so much to see myself clearly, without preconceptions. I never felt like you brought to bear any sort of idea of the way I should be, but were always looking to me with eyes wide open. I am so grateful for that. Thank you.

[36:23]

Hi, Sojin. Hi, everybody. Nice to see everyone, especially those I haven't seen for a very long time. Years, perhaps. Can you hear me well? Yes? First, I wanted to tell you that we're going to be doing a Rohatsula Blue Mountain. A small group of us, five of us, will do a COVID with testing and the whole rigmarole. I thought it was important to do rohatsu this year since it's been such a difficult year for so many people, for all of us. So I thought it was a good way to end the year. And so the practice continues. And yes, I want to say that I won't be able to not see you again anymore.

[37:36]

I will not be able to not see you again. And, uh, thank you for a teaching of a lifetime. Uh, I still remember, uh, uh, our first, uh, Doku-san at Dwight Way a long time ago. And, uh, I just want to say I love you. Richard? Hi. I have a story. Back in 1974, when I was a first year student, we were practicing at Dwight Way. I woke up and I realized that I was late for the Zazen, which started at 5 a.m. back in those days. I quickly took a shower, jumped in my car, drove over to Dwight Way, banged on the door because it was locked.

[38:43]

I said, oh, they forgot too. Mel came to the door and I said, we forgot, Zazen, gotta get up, gotta do it. And he reached over and grabbed a clock and he showed it to me. And it said about, it's about two o'clock in the morning. I turned around, he turned around and went back to bed. So, you know, I thought that was a wonderful teaching. And, uh, I guess I left, I left and sort of sat on my own for several years and then came back and, uh, been there ever since, except since I'm now here in Portland, uh, I sit, uh, thinking about all of you guys there at the Berkley Zen Center, which I miss very much. Um, Someone said that they got their life because they practiced the Brickley Zen Center, saved their lives, and they grew up and became human beings, mature human beings.

[39:47]

In my case, a mature man. And I think that's true for me as well. I really appreciate the practice that I had there, and I sure miss the Brickley Zen Center. Mel, thank you very much for your practice and showing me that clock. Big Mel is what my kids always called you, Big Mel. And I think of you that way. The first time I was a cook for, I think it was a Saturday morning, and you called me into your office and you said to me, you said, I have a colon for you.

[40:47]

You said, is it cottage cheese with sweet peppers? Or is it sweet peppers with cottage cheese? And I was stunned and confused. And you went, I'm teasing you. And I don't think I really understood until maybe 20 years later. I put you on the spot and I apologize. and I apologize for all the times I was prickly and put you on the spot, but I asked when you died and someone asked me, what's your teaching? What should I say? And you thought, and you said, when I forget myself, I found, I find myself. When I forget myself, I find myself. I'm endeavoring to,

[41:53]

follow that path, the amount of gratitude I feel is, I can't express it. But the first words which came to mind when I thought of talking about you was, you know what Dizzy Gillespie said of Louis Armstrong? Know he, know me. And I say that about you. Know you, know me. Thank you. Thank you for being you. Helping me be me. I love you. I miss you. I want to sit and listen to music with you forever and ever. Thank you for your music. Ross. Hello Sojin Roshi, and hello all of you all.

[43:06]

Here I am looking at this computer and seeing 25, 26 or so mirrors. And in order to see everyone at once, I look at a single dot on the frame of the computer. So these things are all around me. And every once in a while I get a glimpse just being right here at Berkeley Zen Center, where I moved to in 87. I am so grateful for all of you all, and especially Sojiroshi, who brought me and you all together. By way of introduction, I arrived at our first dokasan with a gift of a teapot. Shortly afterwards, You gave a talk about receiving many gifts, and while appreciated, you said, don't be surprised if I re-gift yours to somebody else.

[44:09]

Adding, the best gift a student can give to their teacher is their ego. Thank you for helping me better understand my ego these 33 years, and I will continue to work on this. It's been said that in order for the Dharma to continue, the student must surpass their teacher. You responded, I didn't surpass my teacher, I'm just carrying it on for the next generation. Thank you for helping us establish the right of lay entrustment in this generation. I believe this to be one of the most significant turnings of the wheel in our not-quite-priest, not-quite-lay cart of practice.

[45:11]

I moved into this apartment in 95, and I have two pictures on the doorframe. which I've passed for 25 years, and just a few moments ago I saw them for the first time. They're pictures of the same perspective on the steps outside of a jade blossom. One picture is the jasmine blossom. One picture is the jasmines in bloom, and you can imagine their fragrance. And the other is all withered and brown and dried. having completed its cycle. And I just realized that depending on which picture I look to first, I see birth, and then I see death, or I see death, and then I see birth. And it's only right here in this seat, in your high bar of maintaining a standard of Zen practice that I so admire

[46:23]

and appreciate and am devoted to that I was able to see birth and death anew today in front of all of you. Thank you very much. Ron, the last word for us. There, okay. Can you hear me okay? Okay. Mel, what I wanna say is I trust you. And that's the first thing that came to mind a couple weeks ago when we decided to do this, and it's just stayed there. And I don't know, I can't really elaborate too much on that. I just have a deep, deep trust in you.

[47:25]

a trust in what you show, what you are. And if I put words to it, it chops it up. So I don't wanna try to do that. I just have a deep fundamental trust in what you are and who you are. And I feel a lot of, of being in accord with that. I feel a symbiotic kind of feeling with it, even though our personalities are almost in various ways opposite. So somehow I can't touch that. I don't know what that is, but I've always felt that connection with you. And what you teach and what you, what you, like John said, it's how you behave.

[48:30]

I've heard millions of your words and lately I've been able to look at thousands more and I, it's how you behave that I trust the most. It doesn't mean you're always a nice guy or that you like me particularly, or you don't like me. It's a matter of that you, there's something honest about you, no matter what. And to me, that's the most important thing. So I was at the first senior meeting and I hope to see you at many more of our meetings as well. And thank you so much. I think that's everyone who is able to make it today. Sojin, would you like to say something to us? You have to unmute yourself. He is unmuted. He's unmuted. Oh, OK.

[49:31]

I have two things that I'd like to say. One is my statement to you, all of you. And the other is, a few days ago, we had a gardening party at BCC with actual people. And Andrea told me that there were some new people who had never even known that there was a Berkley Zen Center who are members. I thought, that's really amazing. You know, you think everybody knows who you know. And she said that when she took them for a little tour, and they were amazed at what they saw there, which we all take for granted. and that we actually have a zendo and a zen practice in a place. And it's been going for a long time.

[50:35]

And my thought was, every once in a while, that we should organize a tour for new members and show them that we actually have this place, the zendo. So that was very heartening to me. The other thing is, I actually want to respond to every single one of you, because I have something to say to everything you said. And there's so many artwomen and wonderful things that you brought forth, not just about me, but the effect that our practices had on you. And so I can't do that right now. I have to kind of move my butt. So from the bottom of my heart, I love all of you.

[51:38]

And I can't praise you and thank you enough for everything you've done and do. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you all so much. Will you want to unmute and we can say one great big. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great to see everyone. It's so good to see everybody. Really lovely. Yeah. Everyone. One last thing is I pushed the recording button thinking that Sojin or Liz might want to hear it again. If you have, I didn't ask your permission though. Oh, you don't want us in writing? I just, I want to say the buck stops with me, so. The computer.

[52:43]

Yeah, everything I say is public. Thank you all. Thank you, yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Father. I'm pretty sure it's really good to see you in place. Richard, you have not aged a day. I agree. I think it's amazing. Oh my gosh. Look at that smile. It's the same big... Maybe the mustache, but that's it. I'm so impressed with all of you. It's wonderful. Wish I were there. Grace, I want to tell you that I love you. We love you so, Jim. We do. We totally do. Take good care. Take good care. I believe. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

[53:46]

Good night, everyone. Sleep well. Good night, everyone. Thanks so much, everyone. See you tomorrow. Good night, everyone. Bye, Liz. Bye everyone. Leslie, thank you so much for doing that. How well you held the meeting. Thank you. Thank you, Leslie. Thank you all. Thank you, Leslie and Ron and Andrea. John, say hello to Catherine for us. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So good to see you, John. Really good to see you. Great to see you, John. You look like Santa Claus. Who is that man? When I first saw you, I thought, who is that? Who's that old wood chopper and chicken feeder? Well, you continue to look good too. When I saw you about two months ago, three months ago. Anyway, you look good. Bob, good to see you. Bob, great to see you, Bob.

[54:49]

I don't want to get off. Bye, everybody. Good night, Sojin. Sleep well. Be well. We love you. Thank you, Sojin. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

[55:01]

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