I vow to taste the truth of the Titanic's words. Good morning. Well, this morning, I arrived late on purpose. I'm a little tired. I went to bed at 4 o'clock this morning. And I'll tell you why. Last night... Last night was kind of a high point in my relationship with my son. And I'll tell you how this came about.

[01:01]

About a year and a half ago, there were a group of families, four families with sons just about the same age, three of them from Zen Center in San Francisco, and my family with our son. ages between 12 and 11 and 13 at the time. Since then they've advanced in age. But all these families concerned about their son's entrance into the adult world and wanting some kind of rite of passage, some kind of initiation. into adult world. And so we got together and asked Norman Fisher, who is now my co-advocate at San Francisco Zen Center, to be their mentor and give them some ongoing guidance culminating in some kind of rite of passage ceremony.

[02:23]

And nobody knew what that was. So it was like starting from scratch. We didn't want to do something. Nobody wanted bar mitzvahs or baptisms or something, some prescribed way. But Everyone felt that they wanted to discover or kind of let something emerge. Not even some Buddhist way, necessarily. Although I'm kind of biased toward teaching them something in some Buddhist way. But when you think about what is Buddhist way, or Zen way, it doesn't have to be something doctrinal or dogmatic, because if you think about it, Zen is, pure Zen is like the basis of all spiritual practice, and actually doesn't belong to any particular spiritual practice, even though we practice Zen as Buddhism.

[03:47]

It's possible to practice Zen in some other way. If you really get to the essence of a practice, at the bottom of it you'll find your Zen, so-called. So, Norman has been doing some practice with the kids for some time now and he does a very good job getting them to express themselves and to come up with their own questioning and looking at their own spirituality and helping them to discover their own spirituality. Last night, this was the first time that we'd done anything at all with the parents.

[04:56]

So his plan was that we'd meet at Green Gulch at nine o'clock at night. And he would take the kids up the mountain and leave them. He'd done this before with them. They had their meditation spots. and leave them at their meditation spots for two hours. And each one is separate from the other. And then, you know, they wore their jackets, but it wasn't cold, you know, when you're moving around, but when you get up to the top, and just sit there for a while. Anyway, so at midnight, the fathers walked up the hill, up the mountain. and sat with their sons, who were very cold, and brought them some tea, and had a little conversation with them, and told them, he said, I want you to tell them two or three things that were significant in your life, that helped shape your life.

[06:16]

So I did that. It was a very intimate feeling from the top of the mountain at midnight on a full moon. It just happened to be the full moon night. We asked him if he'd planned it that way. He said that he hadn't. It just was a coincidence. But it was a very good coincidence. Everything was very well lit up. And so I had to think about what, you know, there are many significant things in my life, you know, but I had to think about what was really, what would interest him as a significant thing. And the first thing I thought of was when I was in art school, when I was a young kid in art school.

[07:27]

And I thought that I had to earn my living by my art. But I wasn't interested in doing that at all. I was just interested in art. I was just interested in painting. So I had a wonderful teacher, Clifford Still, who was at the Art Institute in the 50s. He was so stimulating, you know, that all I wanted to do was paint. But I was taking these commercial art classes. And I just didn't get it, you know. I couldn't do it. So finally one day I just said, I don't care if I starve to death. I'm just going to paint. And that was a very significant thing because I just let go of security.

[08:29]

I let go of any idea of security and just threw myself into what I wanted to do. And I learned that if I did that, I would be taken care of. And so that gave me confidence in depending on my own way, actually, depending on Knowing that if I did what my heart really wanted to do, I would be supported in the world. And it just so happened that every time I was done, my last bite, something would come along. $20 here, $10 there. So I just learned to trust. I formed a deep trust in my destiny. by following my destiny I'd be supported. So that was very significant for me and it allowed me to feel free to do what I needed to do and not feel that I had to be attached to security, some kind of security.

[09:44]

And then, of course, meeting my teacher was a very significant turning point. in my life. When I was a kid, I grew up during the Second World War and it ended just before I got into the military. But two things I wanted to do was be a soldier and an artist. So after high school, I went into the military and Then after that, I went to art school. And so I did both of those things. I'd never thought that I would be a priest. But somewhere very deep down, my spiritual need had been stimulated.

[10:48]

And when I was 25, it really woke up. And so I was, between 25 and 35, I had this search, spiritual quest, which culminated in meeting my teacher. And at 25, I went back, I started to research my Jewish roots that there was something that held me back from taking that path. I think the biggest thing that held me back from taking that path was that I had already been in the world so long that I felt that any spiritual path had to be a universal spiritual path.

[11:57]

And I felt that my Jewish roots, if I took that path, I'd become too preoccupied with trying to preserve my religion. So I hesitate to criticize my roots. I had some critical feeling about it, with the preoccupation with self-preservation and the exclusion of others. So I had to keep going. And then I found my teacher, who was a little Japanese Zen priest, who was the Jewish teacher I was looking for. Strangely enough.

[13:00]

He fit the picture completely, perfectly. He had all the qualities that are inscribed to a Hasidic master. So those were turning points in my life, very significant turning points. And a rite of passage, I guess, for me was, the first one was the military, which is a rite of passage for lots of kids. And then being ordained was a rite of passage. But most kids don't have that, unless they go in the military or on a gang, in a gang, street gangs, or being initiated by shooting somebody. That happens. All these, so many drive-by shootings, you know, are initiatories. So, when I think about what kind of, how this might culminate, write a passage,

[14:20]

I'm not so interested in initiation into some specific path, but I was just thinking about it this morning. The initiation could be into opening up the spiritual quest. So that a kid would be initiated into their own spiritual quest as a very positive aspect of their life. Recognition of that in their life. I know that with my own son, if I try to teach him anything, it just drives him further away. Or try to impose something, it just drives him further away. So, to give them the confidence to find their own way, and that you support that, I think it's the best contribution that you can make.

[15:33]

So, this thing is not finished, it's just continuing to find its own way. So this is very significant last night for me and for him and for all the kids and the parents. So I didn't know how it was really working or how it was going to work because I had some doubts about the way it was working. But I felt very good about it, and I felt that there was some real progress. And, you know, we were thinking about setting a date for a ceremony. And I kept thinking, if you set a date for a ceremony, you might do something before the time, at the right time. So I always opted for, have the ceremony when everybody's ready, rather than just, now we do it, or setting a date.

[16:42]

And I still think that's a good idea. Maybe it won't happen until he's 18. No, it'll happen before that. But I think when a person is really ready is the time to do it. Not completed, but ready to take responsibility. I think rite of passage is when a person is ready to take responsibility for something. Personal responsibility for themselves. and for as well as for others. So maybe you have some question or it brings up something for you that you'd like to discuss. Susan. I just want to hear a little bit more about how things ended last night.

[17:46]

Well, the way it ended, yeah, was, well, we would sit up there, incidentally, when we were sitting up there, suddenly this little herd of foxes ran across the road, across the field, and it was just like shadows, very dramatic. Well, after a while, we all started walking down again, and the mothers were in the yurt making tea. Actually, they resented it, you know, having to, you know, so that was significant also. And I suggested that next time, the mothers should do it, you know, why not? It's a good idea. But it was something for them to deal with, too.

[18:56]

The fact of having to play this role of keeping the home fires burning, which women resent these days. But actually, completely. So then we went down and had a little apple juice and sat in a circle and everybody said something about what their experience was. That's kind of how it ended. And then they demonstrated a couple of meditations that they'd been doing and one of them was He handed Daniel a little mokugyo, and then Daniel knew what to do, and he said, Namu Daibosa. And then he kept time with the mokugyo, and everybody chanted Namu Daibosa.

[20:00]

Namu Daibosa means homage to Buddha. As a kind of meditation, over and over and over again, chanting. And then the other kid had little cymbals after that. And he went, dong. And the meditation was to listen to the sound of the bell. Ding. Just listen to the sound of the bell. Ding. So those were quite good. Concentration and chanting. And I think they do a little five minutes of zazen. Zazen's hard for kids. Sometimes they can do it well, but they get tired of it. So that was very good.

[21:00]

So that's kind of how it ended. So I think about how we will bring up children and how to offer them some kind of practice, how to give them some practice for themselves and foundation for their lives. So this is the kind of beginning. I don't think we've ever been able to do this before. At Tassajara, some of the women, the mothers, actually did things with their daughters long before this. In years past, there's a whole group of young girls who grew up at Zen Center and who were very active at Tassajara, their mothers.

[22:12]

somehow managed to congregate at Tassajara. And so they had to kind of write a passage with their daughters around menstrual time when that began. And that was very powerful for the daughters. And we had never had anything for boys before. This is the first thing. So the fathers were somewhat excluded from that. They were just women. But I think it's good to do both. I think it shouldn't be just one or the other, but it's good to have it separate and together. So it's good for people to come up with ideas and to come up with thinking about this.

[23:18]

It's not what I was going to talk about when I was thinking about my lecture, which I didn't have much time to prepare. But this is the most immediate thing in my mind, so I thought it would be of interest. This is very difficult for a kid. I've known this to happen a lot, actually. And a lot of times, those children find their way into Zen Center. More than you'd think. And when some parent ends their own life, you know, parent is the role model for a kid.

[24:32]

The chief role model for a kid. And if that's the destiny of their parent, then what's their destiny? Where does that lead them? So everything we do is an example for our children. So there are always other ways out, but we don't always see that. When people think there's no way out, then they do that. But there are ways out. And it's really important for people to ask before you kill yourself. Seek some help. It seems like the relationship with another adult isn't your parents. It's really helpful there, too, with the mentorship.

[25:35]

That's exactly it. That must be an important part of what's happening for Daniel. Exactly. The thing is that, you know, parents can only bring the kid up so far, and then you have to turn the kids over to somebody else. You know, Suzuki Roshi's teacher was one of his father's students. His main teacher was one of his father's students. not only one teacher, but many teachers, you know. I would like to see the kids have many teachers. I would like to see, to send, you know, stay with this one for a while, and then go stay with that one for a while. And I think I would really like to see that happen. That's something I've always thought about, to travel to various Teachers, when you're a kid, stay with them for a little while, and see what they have to offer.

[26:43]

Yeah. Well, as you were talking, I'm thinking, I'm referring back to my son's bar mitzvah, Joel's bar mitzvah, and what an important experience that was for him. I mean, he was given the option of saying yes or no to it, and he chose it, and he had the experience of a teacher, for several teachers, and I am chiming in with, yes, it's really important for young people to have that one-to-one relationship, a very small group ratio. But I'm also thinking on Mt. Himalpais or Green Gulches, it reminded me of camp, and there are teachers in camps, counselors, and I'm realizing how The camp experience and going away for children is very, very important. And if there aren't wise people in those camps, then a real opportunity is lost.

[27:48]

Yeah. Well, community. I wouldn't characterize it as camp myself. But, yeah, I would characterize it as community. And the resources of the community, I think, is what I agree with you. You know, I was going to say that I felt very lucky because my son, he was about, I guess about eighth grade, I kind of made him go to camp. Because it was a music camp, Casadero. Most people know that, and I thought that he would really like that. He hadn't been a kid who really was dying to go to camp. And actually, he looked kind of glum. kids as I was making him do it. And it turned out he had a great time. He really loved it. And he was really lucky to be in a cabin where his counselor was partly American Indian.

[28:52]

And he just decided in the Indian traditions, because I think his name is Eaglefeller. And he felt it was important at their age, and just did it. And he took them down the river, and I don't know what they did exactly. I didn't hear all the details, but that it was a significant experience, and it really was an opening experience of some kind. And I was very grateful, because I thought it was important for it to be a man, a young man, and somebody from a different tradition that I feel an affinity with, too. And then it just came about.

[29:54]

It almost slipped. And then another thing. I did want him to know something about this tradition, which he does a little bit, because of me, but that I did really rope him into coming to the Zen Center. We kind of had a, you know, I brought it up and then about a time and within a couple of weeks I said, this is it. to go along with me with this, and these are busy kids, it's hard for them to find weekends, so just to come for Zazen, and to lecture. And I was very glad that he was agreeable to begin with, more so than when he'd gone to camp. And when I asked him,

[30:58]

And she said, no, not at all. He was, I think he'd been, he was very attentive also to the lecture because he might hear something later on. As he said, well, if you could listen to the lecture, you know. So, I don't know, it was just something, I wanted him to know there's something here. I know it's a very thoughtful, and it's a strange word to use, but it's sort of spiritual. There's a real depth there, where there's all these activities and social stuff that you need to get off the slide. But I wanted there to be a sense of option, of there's some... places and some people or some resources.

[32:05]

And it's just that might come in handy. I was really touched by this tale of this initiation. I think ritual is so important in our lives. And I also think forming our own rituals is very important. I think Mom and Tisha really did that. significance that way. And I came here today for a lecture and I purposely missed the Bodhisattva ceremony. Okay, so this is a big problem with me. You know, and before you start talking about ritual, I was sitting here thinking about the Bodhisattva ceremony and how I just can't relate to it. And I've been practicing for a long time. I've never been able to relate to it. And I was thinking about how I'd like to change it. and how I'd like to make it into something that I could resonate with.

[33:07]

So I think it's interesting how sometimes we take ritual, like we've taken this from the monastery system, and I think it probably worked beautifully in the monastery system, but for me, I just cannot connect with it. I'll just say one word about it, that it's the full moon, and I feel like we don't pay any attention to the connection with nature, end to the moon and the changes in the moon. And I think it's lost any kind of feminine connection, which is the moon to this feminine end with nature. So I think we could do a lot of work to make rituals more ours. Well, it's interesting. I've been trying to, when the occasion arises, advocate for ceremony.

[34:25]

The ceremony that we do here us, I feel like that's something that would be nice somehow to find a form to communicate. And that's what we did. At Green Gulch we did the ceremony, but before that we broke up into groups of three or four and talked about, I mean, to some degree it was talking and getting to know each other in ways that we hadn't, and to some degree it was repentance, direct, face-to-face. And to me, it gives some life.

[35:26]

It goes back to where that ceremony began. It began in nature, and it began with people acknowledging their own mistakes. And also to each other. It does seem like a repentant ceremony. But I don't see the connection with the moon or nature. If it ever had that connection, it's moved away from it. Well, it does have that. I mean, it has that connection in the traditional cultures. Yeah, but in the monastery, if they connected with that one... Sure. ...to the moon. Yeah, and that's the time. It's always done at the time. I know it's done that. Well, I think it was, I think it's pretty connected. I mean, if you go, if you go in Asia, and this is one of the things, from my experience, not in Japan, but in Thailand, is you're sitting outside. So it's not like you have to think and consciously put back an element of nature.

[36:29]

It's never apart from it. Just being us. Yeah. I mean, when we go and we sit in the morning, we sit before dawn and watch the light rise, and watch the sounds change. So it's not like... For us, we have to put it back in consciously. For them, In at least some settings it's still there, and in other settings it's just dead. But in the forest tradition, you're in the forest and it's just all about you. Also for me, repentance really is about a renewal, which means it's trying to let go of things and introduce resolutions, which which for me at least feels feminine in a way that is very positive for me.

[37:34]

Well, anyway, you know, in the Bodhisattva Ceremony, we call it Bodhisattva Ceremony, the abbreviated First of all, we acknowledge our karma. That's the first part. And then, you renew your intention. So that's what it's about. So the first part is acknowledgement, and the second part is renewal. That's what it's about. You take the four vows, you pay homage to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas of your own mind. And you should be able to relate to them, you know. Who is the Mata Badra Bodhisattva? He rides an elephant. No. Yeah, he rides an elephant. There's the elephant, sitting there in a red sweater. The shining practice, Bodhisattva.

[38:42]

That's you. It's not somebody, some picture on a scroll. Manjushri is your own wisdom mind. Avalokiteśvara is your own compassionate mind. It's about us, you know, it's not about religion. It's not about, you know, all of these aspects of our own self. Otherwise, it becomes meaningless. So I think it's important to see that. If you understand that, then you can relate it to yourself and to all of us, whether it's inside or outside. At Tassajara, we've done the full moon ceremony, you know, up at the gravesite.

[39:44]

Suzuki Goshi's gravesite, I used to take people up there to do the full moon ceremony. It's very nice, you know, in the middle of the night, not in the middle of the night, but, you know, at night time, in the full moon, you go up there, there goes a mass, and do the ceremony, you know. It's very nice. But whether you do it inside or outside, it's all in here. And we should understand what it is that we're doing. That's the first thing, I think. But it's true, we should relate it. It should have some meaning for us. One of the reasons why we do it on Saturday morning is because everybody's here. If we said, let's do the full moon ceremony up on the hillside on a full moon night, would you come? No. Maybe. Or you might say yes.

[40:45]

If you did it on the hillside, you'd have a big turnout. It's fine. It's fine. Let's do it. You just have to find the right hillside. once in a while. For instance, in the Catholic tradition, you have midnight mass at Christmas and Easter. You don't have it the other times of the year, and so people will, of course, for a sunrise, people will get up once or twice a year for that, because it's special. I think that would work. in some way for several months, that many of the rituals are not explained to us or given the opportunity, an easy opportunity, to learn what they are about.

[41:48]

As a result of that, the Buddhist Atmospheric Body is something that I don't like to do, in part because of my Catholic background. I do not want to acknowledge that I have an original sin, which is a sin that we also have to do here. I think that what you just explained today about the names of the different bodhisattvas, I've never heard that before. And it would be a very useful thing to have maybe, you know, classes or organized form of previewing what we are doing, so that we can understand how to relate to them. Yeah. That's a good idea. I'm still thinking about the mother of the son who had the ritual. And I'm first of all feeling bad for her. And secondly, I'm feeling bad for the son, and thinking that how important it is in their growing up to be able to both move away from and acknowledge that relationship. Yeah, I agree.

[42:50]

I'm having trouble letting the original sender walk out. I don't think that that's what's happening between the two. Don't you acknowledge that you start with bad karma? No. That's the way that the words sound to me. I would like to be explained that that's not the case. Start with bad karma? Ancient Christians. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah, it sounds like original sin. Yeah, yeah. Ancient. Well, it's, because it's, see? That's one of the lines, it just goes. That's right, because, but it's not, it's not like, it's your own, karma is the result of your own actions. It's not something that's imposed on you. It's an accumulation. It's an accumulation of your own actions.

[43:58]

Karma means volitional action. So when you do something intentionally, you create a response. And cause and effect is what keeps things going. So it's not like you're originally, you know, I don't know what original sin is anyway. It's a caveat. Ancient twisted karma doesn't mean that you're originally bad, because there's no origin. Karma's good ending. Yeah, it's a good too. Good ending karma. Karma is both good and bad. Yeah, karma is good and bad. I mean, good, bad, and neutral. I said twisted karma. But it's like, we acknowledge what we've done to create unwholesome situations.

[45:05]

And wholesome also, I see it as being both. When I think of ancient, twisted karma, I see it as three. That it's been through a lot, and it's seen a lot, and it's experienced a lot, and it's all It's all together. It's not all good or all bad. It's twisted together. Original sin is not a concept in Buddhism. I would just like to say also the idea of an opportunity for people to learn, for people to be with someone who can tell us what these rituals and traditions and things are about. Maybe a half hour before on Saturday, earlier, something like that. But anyway, I think it's a really good idea. Well, sometimes I do talk about it after Bodhisattva Sermon.

[46:09]

I sometimes use that occasion to lecture, too. But, you know, you're not always here all the time, right? So, and I don't do it that often, but I'll do it more often. And I just want to say, for the new people, that if you hang around long enough, there are a lot of classes that cover a lot of the concepts here, and you can take advantage of those. So, it's not completely in a vacuum. If you just come every Saturday, you might not pick it up, but if you watch the bulletin board, there are things that It's a little late, I think, to sign up now. But one of the things that we're doing tomorrow, we have a beginner's sitting. And part of what we do there, instead of having a lecture, it's like any question goes. It would be some brief context setting. But that's an opportunity. Because we do need more opportunities like this.

[47:10]

But you have to be there for the class. And also, something like a ceremony or a forum, it goes by, and three weeks later, you're not necessarily thinking about it. So it's good to ask about it as it happens and to have a lot of opportunity just to ask questions. Well, if you come next week, I'll talk about all the elements of the Bodhisattva ceremony next Saturday. On the hillside? You know, the name of this place is Old Plum Mountain. What's the elevation? 31 feet. Jesus I am.

[48:23]

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