A Remembrance of Rebecca Mayeno

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Serial: 
BZ-02145
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Rohatsu Day 3

 

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the morning
i'm happy to be there with you are
little belatedly and during session
ah i was a nice coast
the
primary purpose was to be doing some work visa that far from his lungs
and does that happened and never really scarf
he just felt good in three years force wonderful to be with them and i did a few other things while i was there cause of reading since fox and also practice with sylvia
fast in connecticut
an explosion recruited me as his the kitchens today
hearts with access to beans between surgeon and paul we can expect to be in to be very good
i left off
flew out last wednesday morning
and the evening before
our good friend rebecca meno passed away at her daughter's home
in berkeley
and i know you had a
get a ceremony on sunday unique syrups and million subs fewer at the cremation ceremonies
after fifteen tournament ah
so this has been on my mind for around for the last three weeks and i thought if it's okay a top level about
rebecca in the process of her died and
how it feels to me

i got start with a poem
the buyer for his centuries and masters
goes on
you kill
two
and thirteen sixty i just about rebecca's age rebecca lose seventy eight
data
down seventy seven
and the surface in their songs
empty handed i entered the world
data per visit
my coming my going
two simple happenings that track in panels
that again empty handed i entered the world
before i leave it
my coming by going to simple happenings should got office
through deborah
some basics her dominate was a dj mixes and which meant names are gay or magnanimous mind he intimately sam
ah
she was a priest your surface etc
she's remained in last year two thousand as leave his fellow and ten longer than three of us together
she forget the fact is the way in late sixties when ah was involved in raising a family she her five children ah and until recently ah
i couldn't keep them straight
but foot after the last two weeks i can see them all quite vividly fit to solder a son yarn and who lives upstairs mendocino county in and four daughters were all around here sarah
when amico and waco
and they have
a lot of think all of them have children
a service or there's a gaggle of her grandchildren who are quite wonderful really really wonderful to be around and they were all around our this in these last couple of weeks
well that was born in ninety thirty two
ah she's married to arthur maina cause some of you may have met one of the quietest human beings on the planet
different and ah
yeah always warm for is inclusive and ah
his
he knows our demeanor was so quiet
but he was he's a terrific artists is his very loud you know it's like really helped and colorful and bright and excessive ah and really wonderful artists and that's what he's been doing all his life making art ah working with
he built a house for one of his daughters behind another daughter's house built it all by hand
ah familiar a wonderful marriage
there she began here in the nineteen sixties and then took away getting to to raise her family and then returned after a while after some hiatus in just about time then that i started coming here the early nineteen eighties ah
and she just was the kind of person that
have to we're a person them when you meet them before i've been decided
they're gonna be your friend
mcgillis of
didn't say to you in
and you know a possible something that i can she sent out to the pc depressed medievalists or
the giveaway in wish list i felt ah
then
he was modeling many of us she was just inclusive and she had that you know the body of the project for me to that she that she made up your daughter or
somewhat resembles her voluptuous and and embracing an encompassing how and that's the baker spirit was nest where your spirit is
ah
was really an exemplar initially an exemplar of lay back this ah
and she was a third she's had students that we that we had here that was in july
late june early july nineteen ninety one ah and she she saw an actor ah
lily's gotten french rob ah
and you know they were painted the so ceremony in a in a kind of
proper when he noticed really speaking in a very ah
condensed brief matter of adjusting everyone who asks the question which is the way your quote supposed to do it
ha and rebecca was the longest she says ceremony in history
features lay off
this is because he was just a shame shame was going to get this exam responded she had a conversation with anybody each person who has to question she had a conversation in on our and was really wonderful the whole room
was just a line with with her warm energy
a man ever studied and later chief she really thought the head when her children were ah well pretty much grown and ah
she had entered her teaching career he was an elementary school teacher ah she wanted to ordained as priests that's what she wanted to do with the rest of her life and that was in two thousand and dog
ah he did that
i am sorry i guess
he couldn't have thinking of to various people that i have sat with here as soon as they were dying in a realizes is like not a good gig for longevity to be impressed with this
the dog
his wife my dark sense of humor
but on he continues she taught selling on amazon here so many of us have filled with her and worked on iraq says and robes and she did ah
periodic classes in our buddha making and as
in that
last section of election she became he had been a powder call upon him and made cars that we are used for years for tea and media presents presents and center in other places ha
but you really have taken with making these images basically three thousand bodies are an incredible meters ah we had spent a long time
meetings haggling back and forth about the lack of have feminine images in the zendo which
does to the point is a real lap and was the right line where do we get one what are we doing then the site that showed up
just decided in the midst of of history us
she could do that and she began making these and they were you know you'll find him or her proper parameters and i'd offer her large degree so she laid back in in vivo garden which is very lovely ah and this was this is
her work this is what she did he say
she had worked down studio behind the house and made these images
service kind of facts
ha
at a certain point
to having trouble with memory and palm
i can remember how has happened but i
was with the family will we went to stanford and as the diagnosis of that she had an early stages of alzheimer's and it really was fun for everybody like just getting punched in the guy
ah
it was not a lot that you can do that with some medication you can take ah
but for my sense of of time blowers but i suspect that was in the early part of the
two thousands must have been with two thousand and one or something like that two thousand and two
the latest or three but for number of years ah
she came she came to zazen she was serving are retreating in her interactivity but she kept his eyes and ah and sat in a chair ah and put on a robes and ah
it was a really intimate community was intimate them for me it was a way to experience because
why it was sitting across from her
eh
a
i just felt like we were trying to take care of each other
and then there came a time when ah
he just got too difficult for her to make a book
in a period before number of us we will pick her up in the morning and her at her house and ah that was always breastfeed sweet you
wasn't a lot of pop but it was a sweetness to the interaction or and to comfortable and can we were comfortable with her
ah but there was a grief and sadness and watching for ah slowly
are we freed from what seemed like the present course we don't know it was actually taking place
i do remember this is long before she has a diagnosis she was talking about her mother and i get her mother had had alzheimer's
and she's talking about an encounter that she had had late in her mother's life when she went to the facility
and her mother said
that
i don't know who you want a beer but ah
for something very sweet about you that i lack
which was you know it was rained out what she said it and then of course even more powerful when when that was what was happening
so
another people from here visited her over the years both in their home in a huge moved to a facility on elm street l sarita and ah
the interactions were limited but there was definitely responsiveness respond she would he he would watch people like to look at images and look at photographs in her room was there were photographs all over her role of people who are close to her in her life and of
ah
erica i visited or not so
before i think just the
couple weeks and that there was a
gonna call on november sixteenth that are
reportedly rebecca had twenty four to forty eight hours ah to live
and so ah
we went over there couple was born in i went over there appear to prefer and then that night there was another call that are
the facility
the district or lord instinct the night before and she started taking food drink and was not really able to swallow
for some mysterious reason but ah
lorna spent the night and the next day the people at this facility said our oh nobody can stay here after seven o'clock
and know a family was shocked hospice was shocked the cause hospice and down you know everybody fell for know this is not okay but also
it was kind of reading reviews okay so what are we gonna do we're not leave they will to leave her there but the thought of moving her in this fragile condition was was daunting but hum that's what they ended up doing hospice was really good they
they waited for an ambulance and the guys who came a really skilled and just very kind with her and they've gotta been delivered to her daughter sarah's house which was all set up and lloyd i rushed over and got all the author stuff himself by the time she got to say this house ha the whole environment
i had been for recreated ah and of contrary to expectations is twenty four to forty eight hours is fish out to two weeks
ha which i gather from talking to andrea and others kind of unusual but
i think it has something to do with see how comfortable it was there
now she was surrounded by love and really there was nothing that she needed to do
ah
and the quality of love that surrounded her at the same time as the quality of the ordinary life which i think was was a mark of of rebecca's practice just to be able to ah
really thrive and grow and grow in the midst of family hustle and bustle work ha and so she was just in the middle of at all
three to was another ah one of those life lessons in
not knowing what's a good thing and what a bad thing
by believe
you know how can they do this you know that many they say they're just cause the wrong and if we had gotten caught in our anxiety or fear i would die within twenty four forty eight hours maybe
ah
but
everybody including that did what they had to do to make a move and then that was it was really a good thing
photo number the family are a lot of people who have visited her back as a family
was most acquainted with
just a small group of people and sojourn ross andrea ah lori myself and peters perkins sister anne and so
women are both studies over the lead for that two week sitting with her and in towards the end set up a schedule to help the family because ah they were exhausted
they had not exactly a long haul and really needed help just to have someone present
ah and for me their shifts

i was really thinking of are also over the case fifty five and the blue cliff record which i've talked about circus talk about other people have a douche condolence call where are the thin or
ha
your urine or pokemon on and double go them a visit a family where a person has died and genuine box on the coffin and once know alive or dead
i won't go into the whole corn but i thought of that plot ha
because over the course of the other two weeks
it seemed to me
ah
physically rebecca was
diminished in diminishing ah
and
there was some you know initially some responsiveness in some i think that i've seen that eye contact and tracking and less than less of that ah and also tissue was impeding food of water ah
she was physically changing but when it seemed like a mrs again this is just my subjective view goes something like her skin became very smooth and ah the cost me expression often on her face
ah
and in the last days ha
last two days to left
the line between being alive and and not being alive is so close
and yet
she was decidedly alive
you know in some sense fully functioning human organism
ah and yet so close to this line
and then what is this line
what is it for her what is the for us
hum they didn't seem to be a lot of distress
her breathing was for the most part
ah pretty easy
slow shallow but ah
her eyes were he reposed or than later had on the script faraway look
ha
the live again
but a that more in those moments coming down on the side of life
and he kept thinking like you're thinking who is rebecca where is she
cause she was she was there
and after returning the night a few days i was playing ah ashkenazi and a half of worry until i came after
after the show and off
wonderful because incredible energy to walk into ah
because the women were all gathered around rebecca
ha
was sir
her daughter is in lorient adrian again he a fan and to two granddaughters testing in while to look quite angelic and everyone was lovingly ah good a wash your body a trusted in our finish
chilean corner of ah and then they shaved your head
a and then put her in her robes it was totally easy actually did pretty good it was easier than we thought maybe ah and ah
looking at rebecca
i saw oh there is a real difference
ah so now
alive or dead was coming down on the other side
yeah for her room was touched filled with
presence
and i couldn't help thinking that i been thinking back this first for several days ha
the last thing
that she did
what is amazing
put together
merging of her family
her biological family and her then family
ah wish
i think there had been processions in different points by his side of those family vectors leading in the contention there put in one way or another and ha
but we had spent a long time two weeks working together and it really have the feeling was very very intimate
been ah
finally all the work was done
and doug
surgeons rushing organized have a very small intimate service were rejected the heart sutra and circumambulate it
and then people got a chance to speak in that moment
and when you do this instead of an offer to desert is at the cremation ceremony ah
he said of the author but there's no good image on the author because the party there is the border
and that's really the feeling with it was in the room
so people spoke
green flavor
with tears
with joy and appreciation
ah
and
that was the first of
what will be a succession of goodbyes
there'll be a yeah
a lot of memorial which will be open i believe are in in late january of two working on the sale on
but

description alive or dead lingers oh rebecca
is here
in many of our hearts not everyone knew where but a lot of people feel
and some newer in her ah in her prime some of us knew her later
ah
by her hand and her spirit park are also in his place in the office
so if you could going to stop there ah probably more i can say that
one can leave time for people to to speak or say whatever you would like to and ah worker as i said reach of on each of our rituals of goodbye there's opportunity to do this that's that's what we do ah so ah
we have so little time here
hello i wanted to mention that
a number of years ago we had a ceremony prevalent that computer and on we all lined up and express to her how he felt about her and how we appreciate in her while she was still able to receive that she had a
wonderful tony whose two thousand and five by and of reception
will you be nice to have that book there isn't a i don't have it was intended to go for forgiveness
a mom a book of remembrance to drink
thank you i have a coffee with summary has wearing a jacket scanning we have a happy and a librarian we can bring it on and it on not have countered by the bulletin board after the lecture and people can look to live with their physical disability and i just looked at it up in a few nights ago when this came up so i know it's over
i hear adaptability if didn't scare you off of be that way the garage has the whole thing and generate more puppies in people like that and it says in the book but you can do to a more copies
allies my thank you for not talking about the that
longing for that i think because we can celebrate did employ over we didn't have words
but the lines you know like how many here would act as going from here guy tango
i started hunting heritage was low for and she was already he held his crime and being escorted them
i have this really great one hundred up one of my first on showtime family
and he came to the and the mass
he did like her she just turned into the circle with to each of us now is under has and those who got back to face with surgeons i think there was one word made like to this or something i don't know what she said there was some that half and hour
i was so harsh
i remember you and i did notice when all by
have
extending march and now on the moderators you talked about enough to that resonate with philosophy of can you very much for sharing the chaos
thank you from each employee talk
this one
very well
yeah i have this thought found her death
perhaps the likes of times and prefer to guy gave the two sides of her family and friends side again biological side chairs to gather there's something superior
of what she represented on his service and when i when the tissue in that
thank you
i remember his head
yeah i resent her show from my objective was the first
the answer
pretty cluster
i was really pretty previews them
ah facing trial previous initiative
sure
she said but it's tertiary been on a smile she said
with absolute confidence oh yes
yeah
it's like welcome
if you went to her house with the likely get dinner
huh
i felt indebted to her exploring i felt a little bit in awe of it in high but if i have a shy heart of the i ever invited several he she says it
thank you
with special thing
the permit because i only knew this would go slight currently show up here rather mornings with the company is obviously bizarre this these is both venerated
as has the for sure and you're taught the really in the same way as the figures that she may have performer now she has a form from it
a lot of talk is that the that of glass
ah couple of weeks here
first this thought balloons as the guy had said
you from yeah
this
the this is by my own
where is a from want to be careful about not sanctified
and if ever there was a person
that remember being a virtual insanity skyk worse
the wonders quality of ordinariness you know just really
turn all that you know not of saint oh please physical here are for watch was been pressed in turkey heartfelt her christmas and
ha and making mistakes fed ah poor heart and so you know
i just didn't want to verify
john
a of the things that has been really very powerful for me through this whole process and provide nor sufficient explanation ceremony
this year is the span of time that i've known her when she was are you have before she really started to climb and these various qualities and then and there is a whole range of experiences i've had with her which she could be wonderful she can be your pitch
she has really have
and and then when she started declining and is just have just very vividly recall the times too much she's trying to get very agitated needed in the center and it was a very very difficult painful process but we went through as far as you are not coming in or yeah has a trump
sanders feeling of voice and that and
what it will be kind of struck me as in the ceremony was jack here's this one person encompassing this whole yes of things extremely warm hopeful person
rescued by my
for do it you go jerk
i was my outlook for my rocksmith have which is this absolutely flummoxed states and there's this wonderful feeling at him at the same time i have these feelings or theft again the
the with her mattresses extremely agitated and kind of pierce's
where are you doing there sometimes my father's you earn a funeral can him taking her home and has a psychology
as as she became
but fair lady
and was to have lunch with earth arthur and fictitious sweetness of the lot of it and fabulous and is a lot of thousand with vacations when she was taking professor sweetness since it's mix of sweetness wonderful
loveliness times irritability agitation and old caverns when packages looking to hurt ice this
excellent
from experience to have different experiencing life
vitaly
don't want to estimate we are each of us
yeah from weather and the person who is in the process of dying and then the same as the person who is alive kinda that i've seen people die in this there are very very different people as the guy think everyone does it everyone manifests in their own you
unique way ah
that is
embedded in that go on sony should work on it
if
that's that's part of it that come on is really bringing forced ah even within life
oh hi were dead
oh and i i have some interactions with better i think flower she was in sort of element intermediate state
and i was struck by her expressing herself without language like once that was driving her home and we got to stop land on white way and in them that she's a wonderful people such wonderful news is not such good times while they know i knew exactly what she was talking about an inch she know that i collection is talking about but i think our
so
having there's the whole corn of our practice because we would like to think that somehow a sincere have devoted practitioner with somehow have some kind of immunity for what happened my daddy know you're laughing like to think i mean you know we can i can you can kind of understand that the body now
but you kind of noticed see her become agitated and unique culture and to so much
you know become unfamiliar i mean i think maths question is really is very poignant because it was a real and when it was an an extraordinarily powerful teaching to see that and to
realise whatever we think we're doing here it's not you know it is in some ways it can save you from
certain kinds of things
and if you're especially that it was a minor thing that it was her mind and her spirits at kind of
yeah
really champion
address
fallen
last ice ah i found that this time in an amazing patient
for back online for sixteen days
thirty five the summer
you know the family home was really for was in the scandals
the fireplace with guy of the battle was going on and on the family started so young women
how to make his nice to good
police a fireplace has an africa
one went away
yeah so
making it somewhat had unfinished business but hasn't what's what's she waiting for the sun has been down from there the scenery and they were all expecting the after he came she would immediately die is no
were around to watch them were making this was the one thousand and so we're gonna go trust and just leave the house and things to people use your first extended family she passed perfect district has other people can still shoot
and it was facing your parents or everyday and secret slowly and stages in disconnected from the explosion was graciously
her ties between so let's playing the chance he so responsive
randolph science kroger has hair tabby jesus ten days without food water and she was offered difference
and
you can tell which she was this
suggestions as who knows but she was use your hands to fulfil his parents and he moved from
and i just see why she can more and more english a sausage plant
he's barely a your connection
catherine
just as long as to complete and for fast they are and any anywhere
nancy person is irregular like
fishers cause her dungeons
and life as i saw down
of flowers from central branch just slowly slowly slowly regain really the team used to be lonely
rebecca's passing was poorly that chance and that
and i saw some of the navy was the also i actually think it was a manifestation of
but nothing was as your always and provide you with transfers
and away with me
for
but
i've always wanted to for pump
lot of people know the image as an author
with nuclear receptor for five think a lot might not know
oh maybe about eight years ago to of the striker isabel
with the large one assertion or asked her crazy had gotten worn and
her to repair it and that made out with many many thin layers each of which has to be layered on is glued in fact i remember rebecca
and finally he had how much time
but she did of he did it and she did a beautiful job and when you hear the bell now you'll hear some of rebecca
thank you one one
yeah yeah we pay for it off very much
we chance ancestors and morning and i was wondering who are so as not to sanctify has to know
you know whose shoulders with out so what if you serve incidents nurse will be in together
and of course marriages and twenty that home one more tournament and
empty handed i entered the world barefoot or leave it
my coming my going to simple happenings the current tangled
thank you very much