Receiving With Gratitude

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good morning
this morning we are happy to welcome our friend
cotto shinji little guy
i've gotten me
our way into the ground
ha great auspiciously
though she lives across the quarters of fifty seven five prophecy here is associated closely with berkeley said center for one fifteen years is presently a priest and a program director of san francisco zen center and
she was ordained five search of motion in two thousand and four and two thousand and eight she was she so or head monk at up for practice period at tassajara and oh so very cheap rather long time vc seekers and great phase presently
the living and fossil park which is
you're a hardship that will be changed it similarly
so lot of hidden
thank you very much challenge
so we have a children's day today day will start with that consent of welcome kit to consider center
hello
so this coming week is a holiday to know holiday it is
thanksgiving can be thanksgiving on thursday you talked about thanksgiving a new school year
you know the story of thanksgiving
so many many years ago before even your parents for born
there are some people who first came to america and they were called pilgrims because they were searching
and when they first came her they had a really hard time he didn't know how to grow the fruits well on the winter was very cold and hard
so there was some people who already lived him who are native here and they helped some they shared some food with them and they showed them how to planet so they can grow food for themselves so every year we remember that when a special time that was about generosity and sharing and
that's why we call at thanksgiving because we care thanks
so
what have you have received that you've been grateful for just recently

a tiny you toys
and is there anything that you've given to someone else that they were grateful for that they were happy for
hmm
what did you get the who did he get it to

love love to the fence
no i'm gonna guess that that means your parents even happier than you were when you receive two times
what's the best gift that you can give or receive what do you think
here here superior for him sir
care she said he was put into his care town
so you can give that any time
doesn't have to be a special day one day year we make a special day when we remember to give and receive was facts that you can do that every day so thank you very much for coming today you know you can go to your activity

so i've been thinking about care and gratitude a lot lately anyone and than i thought wow and it's seasonal
how perfect
ah
i was just very grateful for this past week for being able to be at tassajara into the greg
gregg said a hunter the head of practice a tough a high and he moved down there in april and i will move down next april
so this year worth commuting which is challenging of course but the upside is that i get to go visit her a very regularly veneration said we can each go down or come up on some month so i went down last week to the top a it was during the practice period
on a tough guy is our monasteries and centers monastery and mountains and he says picture and very remote and very wild and beautiful and it's required in the summer that encounters it's very silent
right now there's fifty four points during the practice period together with the tension machine rob anderson
and it's just beautiful to be able to be welcome there
ha
and as rashid bills are teetering on intimacy the scratches parents
and his first talk is called on what is the business underneath the patch row
and you can actually listen to his talks online on them sfcc san francisco zen center website now we have a practice period tahar practice period talks at a pulsar ah
so what does the business under the patch shrug is a con
that's the question what is the business underneath the patch of
and this is the patron of the officer for the opposite
so what is the business
he has hacer of the roxanne
but i think another way to say that is what is the business of berkley center
here's the business for all engage them together
because it's not limited to those who've taken process
he wasn't limited to those who come to them and already than center what is the business of our life
and the response to this question was intimacy
the business under the patch room the business of our practice is anything
oh i'd like to talk about intimacy today and some various forms
ah
i was reading the lotus sutra recently and there's a parable of the prodigal son
the parable of prodigal son in the bible to which is very very similar but it has some interesting differences
ah
so the story is that there was a man who had a son when the sun was quite young the sun ran away from home
and the father searched everywhere but can confined him
here's her sad mrs allison
and the son of wandered and we became poorer and poorer and just completely forgot where he'd ever come from
and he behaved with and destitute and in town quite miserable in his life just completely struggle for many many many years
this is ten or thirty or fifty years long long time
and ah
the father after looking for him for some time eventually settled at one place and became very wealthy very well to do
and he prospered and was well respected and became like for leading person in the area and so much wealth
but always thought of his son paul was mr son of anguish that he could find him again and as he got older and particularly wanted to pass on all that he had all his wealth to
he felt that lost even more acutely
and one day the sun in his off his wanderings his searching for work and just his a complete subsistence lifestyle the homeless wonder came to the area where the father lived
and he thought maybe i can find some work
so as he have approached he actually saw his father that he didn't recognize him
what he saw was this person of on of wealth and prosperity this must be a king i don't belong here
africa
cell phone nearby
i thought i i i don't belong here i i better leave i'd better get out of here for forty get in trouble
so he started to leave a father however had recognized his son immediate life
some to bring him back and you grabbed the sunlight the arm and then the got really scared he said oh no i'm going to be imprisoned and i haven't even done anything wrong and strung on a passed out and the the father father's with great compassion and have the his son
i was so last but not only did he not recognize his father although he come from he saw him so debased on but he couldn't even receive anything and that he was just frightened so he sent another messenger and he said let him go just to like up
so the sun went off and he had another message or follow him and his
no had the messenger address and very plain clothes and he said
i can give you a job cleaning excrement and filth and i'll give you this kind of wages and the sun was delighted that this is great i have work hence even pretty good which is better than i'm used to cut him to have the hudson who spent some years during this
and the father kept an eye on for it kept a very close eye on him he would watch him from afar and sometimes he would even put on poor clothes himself and he will go up on top of him go spend some time with him just as though he were another lonely person and you would better maybe a little higher and station and he would encourage him
so it should work harder
that's good but you're taking care of that said well kept watching him over the years that still the sun clearly couldn't accept anything more than the slowly position
the great very gradually over the years he started increasing the sun's responsibilities
he had do a little more and he rewarded him a little more can proper clothes on that he was still living outside the gate so it can hurt outside the gate you couldn't quite come in
but twenty years go by and finally the finest is really able to take out on greater responsibilities dressing well started to manage his father's wealth power and town is is looking back on his former lowly life and death
he himself that where anyone sees himself herself as a more
worthwhile person has more sufficient
so gradually the father says that he is more able to on to receive and father knows that he's about to die so he certainly wants to pass on
his wealth his gifts to the sun so he friends in all his relatives together and he at that point he's never told anyone with the system is kept out of secret all these years and finally makes the announcement this was my son has all my wealth belongs to him all my wealth and or that processions aarhus
and the sun was overjoyed to find his father and to receive all that his father had it for him and to realize that this person who for twenty years had supported him and nurtured have had taken such good care of him and gradually taught him and raised him up wasn't practice for on father
and he was very painful at that time to receive everything
so
the sun has his son has this great hindrance
i'm thinking of himself as a lowly person has an inferior person
even though the father wanted to give everything and of course is stored in the father is the buddha has his richards and all the riches of his teachings all the wealth of all the teachings of pound we are the children who
have such a hard time receiving all of this
the teachings are there and we have a hard time taking the myth
and one of the hundred citizens having this idea of ourselves is very lowly were very inferior and of
no not me i can't i can't do that
and
i thought of this partly because some recently and my own life i had an experience of finding it very difficult to receive all that was offered
south side in several months ago and having some issues with my health and a period of uncertainty and questioning about what was going on
really i was diagnosed and had surgery and now i am very happy to report and cured had completely recovered and feeling very very well
but during that time i think the hardest thing for me was actually to receive all the love and care that people were given to me
because some you know living at sensor in the midst of this there large extended community who live with fifty or seventy people one of many more are so psyched for this application daily basis here
some people would be concerned about me are worried about me i would feel the presence and feel their concern and it was kind of overwhelming for me it was so internet
i'm used to being in the position of being more comfortable giving than receiving
we all have our comfort positions that's my comfort position and sincere for to interesting
so i would tell people i would have acknowledged us you know because i would i would start to almost tear up and feel of looking for wound when people would be so kind to me so concerned
so i just started letting people know right off the bat you know this isn't so much about my health pak mrs about you being so kind to me
and because i got so much opportunity to practice
after a while that kind of whole lot easier and after a while as site or we if you didn't have
the so curve
have to learn how to be present to learn how to open my heart and not just to give that to receive seventy five
the story in the lotus sutra of right here he was filled with joy
i was filled with joy
ha
and i received so much support from people in so many different ways because i was having surgery on several people came forward who'd also had surgery and said if i wanted to talk with a battle of work after that i could do
he gave me some really helpful suggestions
and on the morning of my surgery i was aware that wellbeing services for being held here as city centre tassajara of clinical an infinite santa cruz and houston's and centers
and i felt that so deeply so when i woke up at three thirty on the morning for surgery
i felt so light and so peaceful and ready and i just kind of sailed through the whole process because i felt the support of so many people so deep deeply
was able to feel so much of trust

so thank you all so much for your arm
well wishers

what if the other ways that i've been practicing with receiving lately
giving and receiving has been in walking says a practice that was shared with me years ago i your saw he said i let your legs take you for a walk
and i found that really helpful because i realized that very often when i can hurried witches
more frequently than i would care for that i tend to lean forward a kind of meaning into get into the next place and to sit back on top of my legs like you sit in thousand just sitting exactly on yourself said
on your seat bomb and letting my legs and my feet take me for a walk
go along for the ride
i don't have to push this i'm not going to get there any faster
horse lover can just go right along
so i've been practicing wherever i walk
to let my legs take me for a walk and to have a moment of letting go and receiving the feeling in my legs receiving the ground receiving the connection
because finding that place in our bodies of receiving
in so helpful so powerful
because once we settle in that place of being able to receive that we noticed when we're not enough mode when we're striving when we're shutting down from grasp and
and then we can like collection
because that's the other side of receiving
he's letting go
there's the come on of the visitor who goes to see the zen master
and the master for the visitor a cup of tea and he's pouring the teeth and he just keeps us
and he doesn't stop me he gets to the top and then it starts to overflow
and the visitor becomes alarmists top half of the cup is full it's over fly and master says yes it's just like your mind you came here with a full mind and you're not able to the sea
so before hands are clothes because they're grasping for minds are closed because we're holding on to what we think
not who we are or for somebody else's or what's going on or what should happen and what shouldn't happen
it's very hard to receive

are sometimes what we receive fence is delightful
it's wonderful to receive people's love and care
and it's wonderful to receive the ground in our feet when we walk on the earth
but not everything that we receive is so delightful sometimes we also received pain
sarah
her anger our own or others'

but here's the thing about shutting down
when you shut down and holding things at bay when you defend defending you always have to defend all the time
very hard to let down your guard
you're afraid of what's gonna happen
but if you can actually see what's there if you can feel was there and be present
then you can choose when to settle on and to have a boundary
when to defend yourself when that might be necessary and when to open
but the first step i think is actually to let go
because we hold on so tightly
and to receive to open
and when we receive
even when it's painful
there is such a profound gratitude just to be alive
just to be alive is enough

sushi and is such a wonderful phone
time and place to explore that
sit for several days seven days altogether and put ourselves in this little box together
space of a of the face of or a cushion the space the tiny space of our minds and explorer ie the walls and the container of that and come up against whatever we have been trying to hold away
whenever we've been trying so hard to avoid comes to visit us eventually
one way or another whether we sit down and open to it for we don't eventually follow going to come and visit us
ah
and when we can welcome that
we can welcome all visitors to our consciousness to awareness and receive them
they'll no is really the possibility for joy and for freedom and for the base

many years ago before i ever started practicing with then i went out to the desert preface my practice i would drive out to the desert by myself and camp out by myself for
a few days for a few weeks
adam tom and i didn't really have any idea of what i was to him
i just kind of threw myself out there needs to see what would happen
but it was very much like settings machine you know
all the dealers would come visit from an all the angels for comfort this is about the third day to succeeding sustain you know
and at that time ever really hard time feeling whatever i was feeling i wasn't even aware of it someone of her day oh
fear oh how care anger or whatever
and going into it and going through it being completely present with her
there was some something that release something very deeply held that released
and i remember after going out there are a number of times
usually went out to be very little of and about it as her heart of particular place that i will go to her first creek and then i remember having this profound gratitude for the desert
because at that time i didn't trust other people to wait for me to be present to shower to
get through all my stuff so that i can really be intimate with people
i had an idea about how i should be and since i wasn't that way
i didn't know what to do with it that i could take all my messy enough out to the desert
and i wasn't worried about hurting the desert he was big enough to hold me and all my stuff
and i thought of that when i was thinking of the parable of the lotus sutra now here's his father who has this infinite patience for his son
to wait until he could be completely present
so
all we can really do is be patient with ourselves
just as we are right now
whatever that yes
and open to whatever show enough
and to just keep doing
again if you can win again
is this is the practice of intimacy
and this intimacy
leads to a deep gratitude
robin for our lives for one another
and for the whole universe
does anyone have any questions or any comments to like to share
here
i wonder if you to speak a little different
receiving

as the review
it was a gift registry but the receiver you're forgiven
he to say is awesome
our guest
i guess doesn't fall your gift unless there's someone to receiver or unless and receive him
so
when there is given and there's for sam
then forgive or the receiver and the gift
it's all given all receiving it's all guests
helen says like i'm a pebble dropped in the pool and just opens wider
innkeeper

you've left her feeling overwhelmed with intimacy that are retrieved via
working for both fungus
were very
how are you work with her into the sea now rather than failure being overwhelmed comes over with just because one or two people
ah you
a face or if it's mostly with larger groups are now it's actually a larger groups are easier especially for not present at the moment
yeah i guess i was a superb not that he adds the one person coming up and said how are you
a person's right there and
you're looking in their eyes and you see them and you see them seeing you
yeah you can threat to the heart
but i could say them about them because son
fashion is something that i've been practicing with over years because i saw how i wasn't able to be as close to people
in the moment as i felt to them when we weren't actually present together until very close to people but that i couldn't express itself and i wanted to be able to be more present
a couple of friends and i started on
a practice together several years ago called looping which is something we learned in mediation practice
and is basically kind of a form of reflective listening where you just repeat back what you heard someone say which sounds really easy
the hope last laughing
ah
here is
when you start trying to justice him to what someone sabbath to have this kind of simple framework you realize all the other things that come into play like but i'm thinking about what they're saying on how am i performing am i remembering everything right so five
practicing with this on a weekly basis
we all learned how to one
let go of all the things that were standing between us and simply lesnar simply been present
and i remember feeling this shift and it was kind of like you as some some cameras have a focus finder for yeah so we find the focuser that on his to images and you have to bring the two images together
and has that kind of a athena
where
i've been out of focus and a little out of kilter and i was suddenly because
oh
there was this kind of surprise and relief
that i can ah
that i could let go and the world's didn't end
or whatever
but they have something that had been ah
scary i can be present
and so the something that opened and i i can't even say what i mean i can say words and words don't reach it
but i think all of us have gone through some
some moment of turning directly to face whatever monsters live in our closet
and having for relief of being present with things just affair
yes
what is the source of the difficulty of old carpet condition my a is available for all of us old carpet conditions the source of the difficulty is whatever ideas we have
about what's there some old pain
some idea about if i do this i'll avoid pain
doesn't really work so well
her photograph outstanding short term solution really lousy long term solution
was like oh i hurt my finger well i think i'll rapid the of should never take the bandage off again

yeah continuing
from conditions mm
when we talk about this
the offices
to the my yoga closer
the problem is shutting down
and not in prison and the solution is not shutting down and being present but excuse me
i'm shutting down
so you're telling me to not shut down and is found my problem with sheriff but wait a minute you know what i'm saying so camps
be completely shut down
he makes me want here is
the spirit ah sorry
the authors resistance to opening up just be completely present with the experience of shutting down what does it like to be shut down
i feel it here and i feel it here and are thoughts
huh
open
take you for her
i understood that around the kids and
and quirky responding let's say appropriate response
when we're
with people close not flows of whereas there's little says they can be presently thankful for because of circumstances and the world
robert has been unemployed for over here people who have no other and a threat to their their their basic shelter and and food it passively health conditions of of is it a depression prompt despondency because of says
welcome
so what was the question was what you see as appropriate response i say it's really hard and had grappled with days and i tried come up with
straightforward and i didn't i can i can offer blog for prices and listening is no and be present and at the same time the tradition of not only come no prospect for you have difficulty economy locations and and variations on
and here comes through the news on an everyday basis
in my own experience there's two sides of the what is doing everything that i can do to help
and the other side is being completely president with is not enough
it's never enough actually
and
to not turn away from that do not turn away from whatever feelings of
longing to help powerless to help
but have not fallen into disrepair or despondency myself
he encouraged him myself and my own practice so that i can help other people to stand on my own spot and reach out as much as i can
that's where i practice with her
oh
ha
photograph emotionally charged for people
it was out of their or
first appeared to replace pc the courage faith history where he had surgery and for your recovery
i am physically touched or purchased version
no interests of a reference to search to discover interesting just talk about responding

sometimes that's the most direct
can ah
what is in the context of safety and trust you can just bypass so much of the other
he a mission us
and was saved for trusting for different people is different for each one sometimes it's a hand sometimes it's just a shoulder sometimes it's a whole hog
yeah that can be such such indirect refuge in direct connection
i see
stash rising