Good morning. Just before the last newsletter came out, Ken, who publishes the newsletter, asked me to submit something for the newsletter. At the last moment, I had to scramble, and so I hastily wrote something down. And so now I want to talk a little bit about that as a subject of my talk. Here's what I said. Zen students sometimes ask me what the purpose of practice is, or question, why are we doing this? Some say they began practice because of their suffering. Others, because they were seeking enlightenment or to get their head straight, or any number of reasons.

[01:00]

Others can't remember why they came, even after a long period of time. This is normal. Until we fully engage in practice and allow ourselves to mature, it is hard to know. The reason we're still here is not necessarily the reason why we came. Even when I was a child, the word meditation rang a bell for me. Then I heard about Zen Center in the mid-60s. Not my mid-60s. A friend took me there. That was San Francisco Zen Center, 1964. And I continued because I felt an affinity for the practice. I'd had plenty of suffering in my life, but I was not seeking alleviation from suffering.

[02:03]

I didn't write that, I just added that. And I was not seeking enlightenment particularly. But hard as it was, I felt like the prodigal son could finally come home. So today I want to talk about the prodigal son, or the prodigal daughter. or the prodigal in between. But I want to talk a little bit about this statement. Students sometimes ask me, what is the purpose of practice? Or question why we're doing this. You know, Suzuki Roshi always said, to understand our practice, you have to let go of any kind of gaining mind, that it will do you any good at all.

[03:05]

I remember Sawaki Kodo Roshi used to say, I am the way I am because I've always been the way I am. You are the way you are because you've always been the way you are. The practice hasn't changed me a bit. And Suzuki Roshi used to say, the way you are now is the way you will always be. And everybody would sigh. He also said, the problem you have now is the problem you will always have. He said in various ways, to not expect anything, to not strive for anything, even though that's a good idea. Even though it's a good idea, it's not the purpose of practice.

[04:07]

There are a lot of good ideas that are not the purpose of practice. purpose of practice, nobody knows. Well, we can say a lot of things, but it's beyond what we think. So, we come for various reasons. We don't always know why, but I didn't have a particular reason. I just thought I just had an open mind, and I always had wanted to understand what meditation was. But back in the 60s, we didn't have much, and I didn't know what to expect when I went to Zen Center San Francisco. But I faced the wall, and I felt really good, even though I didn't know what I was doing.

[05:14]

It felt right. There was something right about it. It was like, I have arrived at this spot and there's nothing else but this. There's nothing else but this. So I had realized right away the purpose of practice, but I didn't know that that's what it was. Sometimes people arrive And they understand the purpose of practice right away, but they don't understand that that's what it is, because it's nothing. We always want something. Always looking for something. And so after 10 years, somebody will say, I've been practicing for 10 years and I still don't have something. So the purpose of practice is to have nothing. But we're always wanting something.

[06:19]

It's okay, because it's natural to want something. So, nothing is beyond wanting. The purpose of practice is to get beyond wanting, which is the hardest thing in the world. And that's why practice is so hard. Practice is very difficult, because you want nothing. You stop wanting. And it's like the antithesis of life. It's only the antithesis of life if we see life in a dualistic way. The one who has absolutely nothing has everything. It's not nihilism. The complaint of the Mahayana against the so-called Hinayana was that, I'm exposing myself to criticism, was that the Hinayana, the goal of the Hinayana was extinction.

[07:29]

The goal of Mahayana is to, not extinction, but compassion, to stay in the world, to help others out of compassion. without being caught by the world. You know, the bodhisattva suffers with everybody. We say the end of, the purpose of Buddhism is to end suffering, but the bodhisattva does not end suffering. Bodhisattva enters into suffering in order to help everybody, in order to be an ordinary person, not somebody special. So suffering is good for us. It's really bad, but it's good for us. Good for bodhisattva. Bad for everybody else, but good for bodhisattva.

[08:33]

But we don't always know that until after we have practiced for a long time. So whatever your purpose is for entering practice is fine. It's good because all those reasons will fall away when we actually have maturity. So, I wasn't interested in enlightenment. Not because I was smart, but because before I had started to practice Zen, although I was Jewish, I had no training in Judaism at all. But I really wanted to find out what it was about. And after studying it for some time, The message was, you can't know everything.

[09:51]

Reality is beyond your understanding. And if you presume to have a God-like understanding, that's arrogance. So to me, my understanding was enlightenment is arrogance, a kind of arrogance. And when I met Suzuki Roshi, that was a confirmation in his own way. Buddhism, even though Buddhism talks about enlightenment all the time, he saw that as people's understanding of enlightenment is mostly arrogance. people proclaiming to have enlightenment. So I was not interested in that. I thought it was a kind of arrogance. But I really, what I, what promoted my practice was the fact that I enjoyed meditation.

[10:58]

And when I, when I, continued, as I continued, it was not so hard for me to understand the practice because Suzuki Roshi had exactly the same attitude. But what was difficult was sitting in Zazen. with all the pain and so forth. It was very painful. For a long, long time, Zazen was very painful until I came to, I didn't figure out how to sit Zazen. It comes to us, right? It comes to us how to sit comfortably in Zazen. All we have to do is let go. but we're always—it teaches us everything we need to know, really.

[12:11]

So anyway, I just felt like I had come home, which brings me to the point of my talk, which is the prodigal the story of the prodigal son. In Buddhism, in the Lotus Sutra, there's the story of the prodigal son. And in Christianity, there's the story of the prodigal son. So these are two stories, which are the same, similar. They're not exactly the same, but they have, they're very similar. It's, prodigal, I wonder what is the meaning of prodigal anyway? I thought I knew, but then I realized, I don't really know. Meaning of prodigal is someone who goes off and squanders their fortune. Prodigal, that's the meaning of prodigal. So the prodigal son is the one who goes off and gambles away his inheritance or whatever, and then finds himself a pauper.

[13:17]

And in the case of the Buddhist version, the father, time is strange in this story, but the father is not a wealthy person, but the son leaves for some reason to seek his fortune. You can say it's the daughter if you want, daughter or son, doesn't matter. And so she follows up all these vain practices and becomes a pauper. And in the meantime, the father has accumulated this great fortune enormous fortune, the richest man in the world, actually. But the pauper, his son, travels around scrounging in garbage cans, and he's a homeless guy.

[14:25]

And he finally comes to this place where it's very nice, beautiful gardens and wealthy state And he comes by there, and it just so happens that after, it says 50 years, but I don't think it's that long, he recognizes the son. But the son does not recognize him, the father. So, the father sends out two of his courtiers to apprehend his son. And they do, and the son's really scared of them. He's like, oh my God, they're going to kill me, you know. But actually, they say, we'd like to hire you to work in the stables. and we'll give you double pay just to entice him to come, you know, and work and stay there.

[15:38]

So the son, okay, you know, sounds pretty good. So he works in the stables for a long time, he said 20 years. That can't be, anyway, long enough to establish himself. And little by little, the father invites him in and gives him tasks around, you know, close to him. And little by little he brings them up and they become close and pretty soon the father and the son are really kind of eye to eye. And then the father reveals to the son that he is really his father and the son, you know, And so the son becomes his, the father's, receives the father's inheritance. So that's the story, which is full of metaphor and inference.

[16:43]

Of course, the father's the Buddha and son is, you know, the lost son of the father. The Christian story seems to be that the father has two sons, and one of them is the good boy, and he stays at home and does everything right and is brought up, you know, with everything that he needs. And the other son is the one that goes off. He's the prodigal son, squanders his whatever he had and eats out of garbage cans and looking for stuff, you know, lives in a tent sometimes. And he comes by and the father recognizes him and the father gives him the inheritance.

[17:46]

And the other son is really angry. He said, I did all the good stuff. And this guy's getting, he did all the bad stuff, but he's getting the inheritance, which, you know, means something like the person that returns, that's been through the mill and returns and is repentant and so forth. changes his attitudes is very precious. So, in both of these stories, I think everyone has their own prodigal story. I think everyone who's ever been out there

[18:49]

or whatever, has their prodigal story, which is unique. These are two unique stories, and there are millions of other stories that are, each one of us is personal to each one of us. It's certainly personal to me, and I know it's personal to everyone else. So, we really appreciate people who can recognize the Dharma and turn to it. So the purpose of teachers is to help people recognize who is the father? Who is the mother? Who is Buddha? These are three questions. Who is Buddha? Who is the father? Who is the mother?

[19:52]

So, and what do you return to? So, in our practice, when we say, I've heard so many people say this, they say, when I first sat down, I realized I was home. A lot of people say, it's not just me, I think at least I hear it all the time from people. I think as soon as I sat down on the cushion, I realized I was home. So the Buddha is a kind of metaphor, right, for finding your place in the universe. People say, you know, there's many different reasons, but what is religion? What is that? So there are many answers to what religion is.

[20:54]

But you can't deny whatever theory there is. It's hard to deny that it means finding your place in the universe. So when we sit down at Tazazen, there's no Buddha, there's no Jesus, there's no religion, there's just reality. Just this is it. You found your place, and you can find it anytime you want. This is our place. We're sitting right in the center of the universe, holding this mudra. It's called Cosmic Mudra. It represents holding the whole universe in the palm of your hand, very lightly.

[22:02]

So there are a couple of little stories. No, there's one story. There's one of my very favorite stories, and I say it once in a while. It's about Daowu and Lungtan. These are two famous masters who lived in the Tang Dynasty in China around the 9th century. And Lungtan was a very very well-considered teacher, and so as Da Wu was, and Lung Tan was a little boy at the time. So, Lung Tan lived with his family close to the monastery where Da Wu was the abbot. So Dao Wu's way of teaching can be gathered, I'm going to read this, from how he dealt with his disciple, Lungtang, in the first part of the ninth century.

[23:14]

Lungtang came from a poor family who made their living by selling pastry. Dao Wu knew him as a boy and recognized in him great spiritual potentialities. He housed his family in a hut belonging to his monastery. To show his gratitude, Lungton made a daily offering of 10 little cakes to the master. This is what his family produced. The master accepted the cakes, but every day he consumed only nine. And he returned the remaining one to Lungton, saying, this is my gift to you in order to prosper your descendants. He's this little boy, right? So one day, Lungtan became curious, saying to himself, it is I who bring him the cakes. How is it then that he returns one of them as a present to me? Can there be some secret meaning in this?

[24:18]

So the young boy made bold to put the question before the master, and the master said, what wrong is there to return to you, restore to you, what originally belonged to you? Lungton apprehended the hidden meaning and decided to be a novice, attending upon the Master with great diligence. After some time, Lungton said to the Master, Since I came, I have not received any essential instructions on the mind from you, Master. Didn't get any teaching about Buddhism. The master replied, ever since you came, I have not ceased for a moment to give you the essential instructions on the mind. More mystified than ever, the disciple asked, at what points have you instructed me? The master replied, whenever you bring me the tea, I take it from your hands.

[25:21]

Whenever you serve the meal, I accept it and eat it. Whenever you bow to me, I lower my head in response. At what points have I failed to show you the essence of mind? Lungtan lowered his head and remained silent for a long time. The master said, for true perception, you must see right on the spot. As soon as you begin to ponder and reflect, you miss it. At these words, Lungton's mind was opened and he understood. So... Zen is very simple.

[26:27]

That's why it's so hard to understand. We always understand it anyway, but we don't necessarily believe our understanding. How we interact with our surroundings and what's in front of us with openness and wonder. Dawu was always giving something back, that which is already yours. You can't give anybody anything that's not already there, already belongs to them. We give furniture and stuff, you know, but we can't give back.

[27:36]

We can't put something into somebody. We can only encourage it out. So prodigal daughter sits Zazen and is at home. Prodigal son sits Zazen and is at home right away. The spot of sitting right in the center of the cosmos without wishing for anything without wishing for enlightenment or lack of suffering or whatever. In the Vimalakirti Sutra, Vimalakirti, who is this wonderful layman, layperson, who embarrasses all of the great bodhisattvas with his wisdom,

[28:48]

great symbolism and his thundering silence says something like, I walk in between compassion and indifference. So that's a very interesting statement. How do we walk through this world of suffering with compassion on one side and indifference on the other? If it's only compassion, we get drowned in compassion. If it's only indifference, we get drowned in indifference. So Vimalakirti's whole existence is about not getting caught by one side or the other.

[29:59]

Master Yunnan, Uman, said, between heaven and earth, within the universe, there is one treasure. It is hidden within this mountain of form. The whole truth of the universe is hidden within this mountain of form. How do you access that? We spend a lot of time frittering away our time with useless things. Master Joshu says, if you don't waste your time frittering it away,

[31:26]

On useless things, you have your own true self. He also said, everyone has their own light. If you try to see it, everything is darkness. What is everyone's own light? Master Dogen says, Zazen is the comfortable way. How do you find your true comfort? So,

[32:33]

We may have many questions about why we practice, but basically, the main reason is to find our true home. Enlightenment is wonderful. Lack of suffering is great, but the true purpose is to find our home, true home. And we find our true home by letting go of ourself, The fastest way to advance in a practice where there's no such thing is to stop thinking about advancing. That's the fastest way to advance, to stop thinking about, what am I going to get out of this?

[33:44]

What do I have to offer? That's very good. But not, what am I going to get out of this? The more you think, what am I going to get? The farther behind you fall. That's the way it works. Not my fault. So, When selflessness becomes your practice, people really respect that, even though they may not know why. Do you have a question?

[34:46]

There's a hand reaching up. Hi. Oh, yeah, hi. See that again, please? I didn't say that exactly, but... Yes. [...] Yeah, we're not generating it, you know.

[35:55]

The reason we sit like this is because of the stability. It's the triangle of stability. That's the main reason. And just because things happen. is that's incidental, even though it's, we don't sit in order to feel pain. There's a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is pain, it's a sensation. Suffering is mental. There's physical suffering, right? But when you sit in zazen, you experience discomfort, I'll call it, of one kind or another, mental, emotional, and physical. This is how we study suffering.

[36:57]

This is a study of suffering. If we don't put ourselves in the position to allow the causes of suffering to arise, we will never understand it. So, we don't sit in order to be painful. We sit, and it's painful because we don't understand it. I mean, it's suffering because we don't understand suffering. Pain is pain. Pleasure is pleasure. Suffering is suffering. Pain can be suffering. Pleasure can be suffering. In suffering, in pleasure, there is suffering. And in suffering, there's pleasure. This is undeniable, although you can deny it. So Zazen is the teacher.

[38:04]

It teaches us how to, it teaches us the cause of suffering and how to deal with it. And what we learn is that it's a self-centeredness that creates the suffering. It's not the pain. It's the self-centeredness. I don't like this. I don't want this. This is wanting. This is desire. I don't want this. I want it to be different. I want it to be happy. Isn't meditation good for you? How come it's suffering? We have these questions. So it puts us in a position where we have to deal with it. We can't escape. You can't escape, you get up and run out.

[39:05]

I've done that. But it teaches us how to be in this world, actually. Not to escape from this world, how to be in this world without being a victim. Because we are victims of ourselves. There are problems all around us that create pain and suffering, mental, emotional, and physical. And we have to live in this world. In order to live in this world, we have to live with pain, suffering, happiness, or whatever. And whatever it is at this moment is what it is. How do we deal with it? How do we accept it and deal with it without running away. It's not escape by any means.

[40:07]

It's just the opposite of escape. So some people sit very comfortably from the beginning, and they have a disadvantage. People that benefit most from it are people who have big ego. But the big ego turns into big Buddha. What's the big ego? Big Buddha. So I never criticized the practice. I always, my intent has always been how do I deal with this, not what's wrong with this. So as we see what's wrong with this, we're escaping. Okay. Yes, the Middle Way is right.

[41:10]

Yes. Yes. This is Middle Path. Yeah, we don't we don't teach that either. We don't teach that either. So, so taught the Middle Bay didn't teach Does anybody want to listen to that? I agree, totally.

[42:45]

I totally agree with you. It's to be responsive. I totally agree. And for example, one way that we're responsive is there's a memory of our being. I have gotten the experience of being here. Yeah, I totally agree with you.

[44:12]

We don't say that you should create pain. That's all I've been saying. That was my response. No, I've never done that. You should relax and accept it, not power through it. That's the wrong way. Totally wrong way. so it's just an it's just that there's an aspect the truth is that you don't need to be impaled to awaken and our true state is the state of awakening that is our true home our true home is the state of enlightenment

[45:22]

Yeah, I don't, I have no quarrel with what you're saying. Megan? My mind is still on the other brother. The other brother, yeah. Are you talking about the younger brother? The one who didn't go away. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, it's a good question, like what, you know, but I... I don't really know what his state was. Well, I think that one of the things about the younger brother is he got jealous. So maybe that was a problem for him and it was a hindrance.

[46:33]

I think that example was that his jealousy was a hindrance for him. And the older brother had been through the mill. I really appreciate the older brother a lot because sometimes people say, well, how come the younger people are not coming to Zazen and so forth? But I think for a lot of younger people, they have to fulfill their, understanding in the world before they can actually decide to come and practice. They have to experience a certain amount of worldly futility. Charles.

[47:35]

Well, I don't know exactly what the conclusion of those two brothers was. Maybe they, you know, loved each other at the end, unlike the Kelloggs. I've been listening to the radio, you know what I mean? That's the whole of the story. Oh, it's not that it wasn't rewarding. It was rewarding.

[49:30]

But he didn't feel it was rewarding because the other one went off and did all these bad—people sometimes say, so-and-so, this family had all these problems and troubles and everything, and they didn't get They always stayed poor, but they were honest and so forth. And this other person was wealthy and terrible, and yet he had all this reward. How come I don't have the reward and this guy has the reward when he did all these bad things? Or not bad, but didn't do all the good things that I did. Life is not fair. I know it doesn't. Yes, yes.

[50:52]

I think, you know, I think I have to look up the conclusion to see what really happened. You can do that, you can get it on the internet, Prodigal Son, and find out. Because I can't tell you that, but we want to know that life is fair and just. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it's not. And that's a big teaching for us. No, that—no. I think the Buddhist version has to do with practicing.

[52:27]

And the Christian version has to do with faith. Because he doesn't have to do anything. He just does not have to do anything. It's just because he professed faith. But that's also part of the Buddhist version, although they manifest in two different ways. One manifests, I'm just glad you returned, you know, and that's enough. And in the Buddhist version, because in Buddhism, you have to find the truth yourself. It's not just faith. But the Buddhist version is founded on faith. But that's the beginning, it's not the end. The lady, the blonde lady with her hand up. Cricket. Cricket, oh yeah, hi Cricket.

[53:34]

Yes. Yes, that's right, that's correct. Repentance, well, that's the whole, that's the idea, repentance. Yeah, turning, and according to the sixth ancestor, repentance means to acknowledge the transgression and to turn around and go the other direction. It's not like making a big deal out of it. You do something wrong, and then you acknowledge that. And you do whatever is necessary in the acknowledgement, and then you turn around and go the other way. So it's turning around and going the other way that's really important.

[54:53]

And we could go on for a long time.

[55:01]

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