This morning I want to touch on why we practice. need to know why we practice and to develop our understanding of why we practice continually. Since the beginning of Buddhist practice, Buddhists have been concerned with not being caught by the illusory quality of our worldly life.

[01:32]

to live our life in such a way that we touch the bedrock of reality. So to live our life in the light of reality, called enlightenment, and to not be fooled by the illusory quality of life. So Buddha of course was very strict and from his example we have many practices of Buddhism many ways to practice.

[02:38]

If we try to imitate Buddha exactly, a man who practiced or lived in the circumstances of ancient India 2,500 years ago would get very discouraged. So we have to see our activity in the light of the present day. But we can't ignore the principles of Buddha's understanding. When we talk about the illusory quality of life, we're talking about how we base our life on feelings and emotions and unstable qualities.

[03:41]

And to come back to the bedrock of reality we sit Zazen. When we discover Zen practice or Buddhist practice by sitting Zazen, we have a very wonderful feeling. We don't necessarily know why we like it. We don't necessarily, when we sit, we're not necessarily aware of why we sit or what, but there's something about it that feels okay. even though our legs hurt and we have some difficulty and even though we have to come together at certain odd times which don't necessarily fit with the society's times. But there's something about it that is satisfying.

[04:53]

this first stage of practice is very wonderful because we enter into a realm of selflessness, which is very satisfying for us. We don't realize it necessarily. But what is so satisfying is that we let go of our feelings, emotions, and the illusory quality that our life is based on. and just sink into or merge into our natural state of mind. And this is very, becomes very satisfying to us. But as we practice for a long period of time, After a while, our legs don't hurt so much.

[06:05]

We can sit comfortably. And doing our daily activity isn't so different than sitting Zazen. And we begin to wonder about it. We say, well, what's next? I think Zen practice is becoming a little boring for me, a little monotonous. And then we start to look for something more interesting. And this starting to look for something more interesting is a kind of trap. Because we start to, our mind and our feelings want something interesting. want something exciting and new. And if we're not careful, we start craving something which will take us back into the illusory realm.

[07:19]

Because we're always kind of craving that illusory realm. And when we become When we get past that first stage into the second stage where it's just life as usual without any new feeling or exciting feeling, at this stage we have to be very careful about what we're doing. The first stage, all the events become, the events in our life, in our life of practice, loom very large in front of us. And in the second stage, we have to look around to find our practice.

[08:23]

We have to feel around ourself to find where we are. And we have to look at what it is that we're neglecting and what it is that we're doing in a way that allows us to merge with ordinary activity, to really bring ordinary activity to life. If we don't merge with that state with that practice, then we miss something. We miss that stage. And we're always groping around and we say, I remember when practice meant something, but it doesn't mean much now. Or I don't, I wonder what it was about. You know, we get into that state. I wonder what it was about.

[09:25]

And we start looking for some interesting thing. Even though, you know, we say, We try to control or put some limit on our desire. Our life is still full of desire. And desire is very, very hard to control. It's not that we get rid of desire.

[10:26]

but we need to be able to have self-control so that desire is not pulling us around. That's called illusory life, life in illusion or delusion, where we lose sight of the bedrock of reality and just get pulled around from one thing to another. So practice is like a kind of circle around ourself, actually like a kind of halo. Each one of us has a kind of halo, which is the realm of our light, which is a kind of protection in the world. It includes, it lights up everything around us.

[11:30]

And it's our own light which lights up everything around us. Which is our original life light. But when we start getting fooled by our feelings, or pulled off by our feelings and emotions, we start grasping one thing after another. One thing leads to another. And our light diminishes. It gets darker and darker. It looks lighter, you know. When we get excited about something, Our light really burns bright, but that kind of light, you know, it easily goes out.

[12:37]

So when we get turned on by things too much, we get very bright light. But when something happens, light goes out. It's not so stable. or so steady. And it's easy for us to get caught up in looking for one thing after another, one experience after another, which turns our light on very bright. And then our light goes out. And then we need to find something else which turns our light on. And then our light goes out. So we need to have the light. But if it's like this, it's very unsatisfying. So our practice allows us to have a very steady light. Light is always there. And it's always very steady.

[13:47]

Of course, it's not steady, but it can be very steady. So Zazen practice teaches us how to have our life, a very steady life, which isn't subject to the ups and downs of our life. It's not subject to craving or excitement. But it's always very constant. So that light always is lighting up our path, always lighting up our direction. So we know what step to take next. When we get dissatisfied,

[14:57]

with our practice because we get used to our life, you know. If we look at the details of our life more closely, instead of going out to find it, we go more in. In other words, we focus in a closer way on our activity. A monastic practice doesn't give you the opportunity to go out. to light up your life.

[16:01]

So you have to, you're kind of put in a position where you have to find it where you are. You notice sometimes when you're around the house or doing ordinary activity, It feels a little bit boring sometimes. So you get a kind of craving to go out and have an ice cream cone or go to a movie or go see some friends or do something interesting to get your life going again. That's okay. But if you can focus on a little closer to just where you are, to just taking a deep breath and becoming awake and aware, right where we are, what can I do right here, right now?

[17:07]

I'll bet if we think about that, there's plenty that we can do. I have a list of things that goes way back that all need to be taken care of. And I think that we all have that list of things that we promised ourselves that we would do that we don't do. So it's easy to neglect our life and to take up something interesting. I think that we're all kind of children in that way. So when we enter into practice, our determination is not so much, we kind of turn away from creating exciting circumstances

[18:22]

refining our character, actually. And if we give our attention to the refinement of our character, then we enter into practice. But if we forget that, and just think about the outward circumstances as the main subject, then we're really turning away from practice. So it doesn't matter so much what your activities are if what you're really intent on or focused on is how you're doing something, how you're refining your character through the activity. Ah. So it's not that we don't have feelings or emotions, but if you can use whatever comes up in the correct way, then your experience becomes very valuable.

[19:53]

So in our lay practice, lay life, lay life of practice, we have to be able to use all of our experience and all of our circumstances in that sense of refining our character. So if we just let ourself go, when we lose something, we have to have some restraint, some discipline and some restraint, which improves our character, and focusing on study of Buddhism. I know someone who's always talking about enlightenment, always wanting to be enlightened.

[21:18]

Why don't we talk about enlightenment more, put more emphasis on being enlightened? But I always wonder what a person is willing to pay for enlightenment, you know? It's as if there's no little box, no little package. You know, you pay something and you get enlightenment in return. You do have to pay. If you want enlightenment, you have to pay something. The enlightenment is to be completely merged with reality. If you're completely merged with reality, then you realize enlightenment.

[22:21]

But what are you willing to pay for it? If you want something that's very expensive or very valuable, then you have to give a high price for it. If you want to know reality, you have to give some price for it. You have to pay all of your delusion to it. Here's all my delusion. I give up all my delusions.

[23:24]

But we don't want to. Either our delusions or illusions. We don't want to give up. I understand. I don't either. But we need to do that. in order to live in reality, to know our true Buddha nature. Suzuki Roshi was always saying, We're all part of one being. All of us are part of one being. When we truly experience or understand that we are all part of one being called Buddha, we have enlightenment.

[24:30]

And how we experience that is through zazen. Sitting cross-legged is one form of zazen. Just one form of zazen. But zazen has many forms. We continually come back to the zendo because sitting in zazen is the most fundamental way of understanding or experiencing our nature. But there are many ways of practicing zazen. All of our activity is practicing zazen. If you know what you're doing, But no one can help you so well.

[25:54]

We can help each other, but what we do is really up to us, each one of us. It's like if we chase enlightenment, you know, it's like going across the desert. And we want to get to the other side of the desert and we start running, but you don't get very far if you start to run across the desert.

[27:07]

So you stop running and you start walking. And the sun is very hot and you walk even slower. And then your feet, footsteps are like one after the other. And if you're carrying too much, you start taking it off and leaving it laying on the desert. And finally, you know, you find a comfortable way to get through the desert, you know, walking steadily. And it takes a long, long time. But you find your pace. And it's just exactly like practice. That's you take off the excess baggage and you take one step after the next, day after day. And then after a long time, you come to an oasis and you drink the water and it's just wonderful.

[28:18]

But you can't stay at the oasis and you have to keep going. Oasis is like a kind of awakening, a refreshing refreshment of understanding. At some point you have a wonderful refreshment called understanding. But you have to leave the oasis behind and just continue on in the desert, just like it always was. But you have some confidence because you got to the oasis. And then we find that we have to continue forever in the desert. Because the desert doesn't end. But we know how to walk in the desert.

[29:20]

We find out how to do it. And since there's nothing else to do, we really do it well. And we find out a lot about ourselves. That way, we find out everything about ourselves that we need to know. And the only way we continue, can continue, is to find the strong, true spirit. If you can't bring up that strong spirit, You can't continue. I always think about Dogi and Zenji's analogy in Sagara Mudra Samadhi.

[30:36]

He talks about the Sagara Mudra is the great ocean Samadhi. He says, walking on the bottom of the ocean, while swimming in the waves, your feet are walking on the bottom of the ocean. Your feet touch the bottom, go all the way down to the bottom, even though you're swimming on top. I love this analogy. The waves, you know, are like events, moment after moment, events of our life, swimming in the waves. And our feet touching the bottom of the ocean is like rooted in reality.

[31:43]

So please don't get discouraged when you reach the second stage of practice where everything seems kind of usual. Sometimes in our practice, we come to a place where we just can't see which way to go. Or it's kind of dark. And at that point, you just have to grow up in the dark. Feel your way. But if you can do it, you can come out the other side. When you can practice in that way, you really begin to see what practice is about.

[33:02]

Until you get to that point, and until you can get through those difficulties, there's always some doubt. We call our practice, sometimes we call it shikantaza. Shikantaza is a word which means something like just to sit, to just do something. To just do something means no self, no ego, no purpose, no extra purpose. And it's the opposite of our materialistic life.

[34:10]

Usual life is materialistic, means going from one thing to another and accumulating or improving. But Shikantaza is the other side which is just to be. And when we practice shikantaza or just to be, sometimes the material aspect of our desire leads us to question it. And we say, where is this going? What do I get from it? That's materialistic mind. What do I get? What's the reward? Where is it going? That's a natural question to ask.

[35:16]

But if we want something in the materialistic sense, We don't sit zazen. There are many ways to accomplish that kind of activity. Zazen is to just be. It's enough to just be. If you can settle on just being, then you can experience enlightenment. But if the slightest bit of self-centeredness or desire comes in, then you're off your seat. So you may be bored with Zazen because you're not getting anything in the usual sense.

[36:23]

usual materialistic sense. We think that we have to have some justification for being alive. But just being alive is enough. Just being completely alive. So when we first come to Zazen, we sit, but we don't know why we like it. We're not sure why it feels right. because it's enough to just be alive.

[37:27]

If we can settle on our self in that way, in all of our activity, then all of our activity becomes zazen. You don't even have to sit cross-legged. If the quality of your life includes that egoless realm, you don't even have to sit zazen. So Shikantaza, just sitting, just doing something, without any materialistic or gaining, as Suzuki Roshi said, gaining idea.

[39:08]

What do I get out of it? That idea will knock you off your seat. So, shikantaza is just to give completely, hold nothing back, completely merge, completely be, with nothing, no toe left out, no finger left out. If you sit zazen, You should do it with your whole body and mind, in complete attention. It's hard, very hard to do, to be completely there, moment after moment. Be completely awake and completely merged with reality, moment after moment.

[40:11]

If you're completely merged in Zazen, You won't be pulled by desire. And then your mind will be very fresh. And your body will also be refreshed, ready for and open for the next thing. So I think what I want to say is that we need to continually find out how to practice so that our practice stays fresh, doesn't get stale.

[41:30]

And so that we don't get turned back into the realm of craving, which is so easy to do. We have to live our life in the world of desire, in the realm of desire. We have to do that, but at the same time, to remain free from it so that we can walk through it and pick and choose. continue our active samadhi.

[42:48]

Samadhi will arise in activity if we're always very careful to have selfless activity. If we're always engaged in selfless activity, our samadhi will be very strong. And you begin to enjoy samadhi mind more than you enjoy craving mind. In other words, You begin to enjoy selfless mind more than selfish mind. But we have to learn the difference. Do you have a question?

[44:06]

Yes. I wonder if you'd talk a little bit more about selfless mind, because one thinks, for example, of someone like Arnie, of course, who indisputably, I guess, from anyone's point of view, would be a selfless prisoner. But we also know people who go into organizations or professions with an equal emphasis, but nevertheless get lost. Could you talk a little more about selflessness? People that go into an organization of some kind with an egoless intention? Well, recognition, or fame, or... they don't really mean it that way, but that's the... Well, yes, it's easy to get caught by name and fame, and... Well, on the positive side, I wish you could... I'd appreciate it if you talk a little bit more about the selfless one. I see. As an example of selfless mind, maybe I talk a little bit about Suzuki Roshi, who when he came to America, he just came as a monk.

[45:30]

We didn't call him, I remember we called him Reverend Suzuki. We didn't even call him sensei, which is what you call, Any kind of teacher in Japan is called Sensei. It doesn't have to be a Buddhist teacher, you know. Everybody apparently is called Sensei. We called him Sensei after a while, but we really called him Suzuki, Reverend Suzuki. And he just... And people started, after people They knew he was a Zen master, but they didn't know what that was. Exactly. And after students started to come, he never advertised for students. He never wanted to collect students. He just did Zazen and bowed to the Buddha.

[46:32]

That's all he ever did. But there were many people who were drawn to him. because he sat Zazen and bowed to Buddha. And there became this big organization called Zen Center, which grew up around him. But he didn't do anything. He didn't say, I want this big organization called Zen Center. Or once it started, of course, he had to take care of things. and to provide for things but and he got very stretched but he was always a very humble person and never demanded that you call him and people started calling him Suzuki Roshi after I think it was Alan Watts said you should call him Roshi because you know he's Roshi and so people started doing that

[47:42]

What's a Roshi? Well, Roshi is like a venerable old man, venerable old teacher. But he always lived his life like that. Even when there was a big Zen center, he was just always just a monk. So it's possible for a person to be, through personal power, I don't know so many other examples.

[49:08]

I think when we get to a certain point of control and power and authority, we like to use it. We like to use it. And to have the discipline to not use it. Once you have power, you're almost lost. Once you really assert power, you're almost lost. It's almost impossible to reverse that. And that's why powerful people, when they lose power, they have to go someplace else. You can't be subservient. It's almost impossible to be subservient once you get to the top. And it takes a lot of lack of ego to be able to take a subservient position and feel satisfied once you've been on top.

[50:24]

Power is the hardest thing to get rid of or to let go of. I wish I could say something about real will. You know, sometimes I say I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and I've grown used to the fact that in 10 seconds or 10 minutes or 10 days I've gone back on a decision. And sometimes I want to do something And I go through that process, sometimes for a period of years. And then one day, I get up and I say, I'm not going to do that, and I don't do it. And I'd like to know, where is that part, or why do things have to incubate so long?

[51:31]

Where is that part of me that really can make a commitment to something? Well, I think it's complex. But in the sense that you're talking about it, we have the desire to do something, but we don't necessarily have the will. And the desire and the will have to match. So sometimes the desire just has to be put into a, we put the desire into our psyche. And that gives us the awareness that we want to do something. And then at a certain point, when all the circumstances come together at the right time, the will matches the desire and we can do it. But gestation period is, I think, very necessary. If we want to stop smoking, you know, we have the desire but not the will.

[52:39]

So we over and over, you know, we want it to stop, and so forth. And at some point, all the circumstances come together, and the desire and the will are merged, and you just stop. That's the way I stopped smoking. I tried... I stopped smoking many times. But when the desire and the will came together, and the bad taste in my mouth and all those things came together at the right, just at the right time, I just walked away from it. So, you know, sometimes you can balance it that way, you have to have a lot of patience. And sometimes you just have to bully your way through, you know, with a lot of willpower. You can do it that way too. It's just like Zazen, when you sit, you know, you say, I want to sit this whole period,

[53:40]

without moving. And then, you know, you're going to say, how did I ever get into this? Well, it says this is over, I'm going to run away. And then you have the desire very strongly, I'm not going to move. So it's just will. It's just pure, sheer will. And you're agonized through the period. That's one way. And it's good, you know, because you really brought up a lot of will. And you're completely involved. The other way is to just completely give up discriminating. You have a lot of pain in your legs or whatever, but you don't call it pain. It's just some feeling that's there. And it's a big, total feeling. and there's no desire to get out of it. That way, and you just, you sit with whatever's there.

[54:45]

And at the end of the period, even though there was some pain or some, you get up and walk away and forget it. That's where will and desire are completely one and there's no conflict. Nothing conflicting. Even though there's some difficulty, You accept the difficulty right away. So that's making an immediate decision. And you make that immediate decision moment after moment. Actually, you're making that moment after moment decisions, one after the other, although you feel that you just made one decision. Every moment we're making a decision to either stay or leave or do something. So will is involved in every moment. And it's involved in every single step, whether I'm going to continue or not, or what. Do you think that first will that you talked about, where you're going to have a terrible struggle, do you think that's a good will?

[55:50]

It doesn't seem to have any power beyond it. It's just life. It does if you get behind it. Yeah, it can, just sheer will can be very powerful. And it may be the only way we can do it. Until we learn how to let go, you know, relax. Yeah, sheer will is very valuable, very important. And it's kind of like a baby too, you know, a baby does things through sheer will. And they do it very awkwardly. And then as they grow up and get used to doing it, they balance all the factors out. They can do it very easily. So I think whatever we do, we start with sheer will. Not whatever we do, but anything that's difficult.

[56:56]

But especially Zazen. You can get through Zazen with sheer willpower. And it's very good for you to do it that way. And then you can refine it so that it's not just sheer willpower. It's more like steadiness and balance. But if you get through it through sheer willpower, it's very good for you. putting your attention on your passion. Yeah, it's okay. Yep. Yeah, it is. The most important thing is to get through it. Then you can refine. Paying attention, you know, to all those things is more refinement. But just getting through. You know, you do something, you say, well, I can't, I don't think I can do this.

[58:04]

But it's a matter of life and death to do it. So you say, no matter what happens to me, I'll do it. And then you just do it. And it brings out some strong spirit that you didn't know you had. And then that kind of involvement, that is very vital, real vital. You can't get more vital than that. You're right in the grip of reality. It's a wonderful practice. So Sashin, you know, we have a lot of trouble and difficulties, you know, and we just stay right there in the middle of reality. No matter what happens, no matter how we want to get carried off, you know, by something that we like, we're right there in the middle of reality. And we have to do something. We have to do something about that.

[59:06]

We have to find out how to live there. It's not easy to live in the middle of, right in the midst of reality. We have to learn how to do it. And we have to learn by being taken completely out. Ordinarily, we don't want to. Ordinarily, we don't want to face reality, to come to grips with it. But in Zazen, we commit ourselves to come into grips with reality. And we have a lot of trouble. But we enjoy the trouble because we're dealing with something real. That's why we enjoy it, even though it's very hard. As we go to Sashin one after another, you know, it's very hard, but it's very wonderful. Especially when we become successful.

[60:11]

Have some success. We have to have some success. And then we feel very good. But we have to have a lot of willpower at first. And then our will becomes refined. As we find that we can actually sit settle on where we are. Right in the midst of reality, just settle on it. And we don't have to try to run away. We're always wanting to run away. It's understandable. We always want to run away. So, in Sashin, we just don't run away.

[61:18]

Thank you very much.

[61:20]

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