So today is the first day of our Aspects of Practice period. And it's also a one-day sitting for some of us. Aspects of Practice is our fall season of intensification for those who are newer. Our year has a kind of rhythm. We have periods of greater deepening in intensity and then periods of relaxing from that. And so in the spring we have a six-week practice period and in the fall with a little more formal led by Sojin, Sojin Roshi, and in the fall we have this four-week practice period led by some subset of BCC senior students. And then also we are still absorbing the experiences that started a month ago when our dear Nancy McClellan was attacked and reached a

[01:30]

another stage this week when we had her cremation ceremony. And tomorrow we're also going to have another memorial service and gathering conversation for Nancy. So I'm not actually going to be talking about that so much this morning. But please come back tomorrow for more talking about that. So we have been rather ruthlessly reminded that our life does not give any of us a set time. Doesn't give any of us a set time. And so, I don't know about you, but for me, that leads to an awareness that, so it must be that every breath is precious.

[02:40]

And every existence is, has absolute value and was never before, happened never before and will not happen again. So what we come here together today to sit all day, to me, is not to achieve some special state, but just to reduce the variables enough so that we can really experience and appreciate every breath we take and every person and event that we experience. So that's the breath that's happening right now. And right now. And the feelings that are happening right now.

[03:46]

And the thoughts, all our little thought streams going in every direction right now. So I'm going to share with you a talk of Suzuki Roshi's. It was given on July 26, 1971 at Tassajara. And it's called Fuketsu's One Particle of Dust. So he starts with, whether you are a layman or monk, There is an important point which we should make clear. That point is to put more emphasis on big mind rather than small mind. This is the point we should make clear in our practice. In this way, more and more you will develop your Buddha mind, which is big mind.

[04:52]

So I wanted to suggest to you a little practice I've been trying. And so without moving your head or looking around or looking up or changing anything, just start to expand your field of vision. Just let your field of vision open up all the way to the periphery as far as you can see and beyond, even imagining what's behind you. This is a sort of very concrete way to open up big mind. And what I notice is that as soon as I start getting a train of thought going, my eyes do something different. I'm no longer, I no longer have this wide sense of awareness.

[05:57]

And So it's kind of a way to, it's a gentle way to let go of discursive thinking. I don't know, I think most people have heard of Ed Brown. He's a Zen teacher and he's also a healer of sorts, a kind of energy healer. And a few years ago I ended up getting a treatment from him And he said something in the middle of that that has always stayed with me, which I wanted to share with you, which was, since we're here, why not go to the place of complete peace? Since we're here, why not go to the place of complete peace? So if you're sad today or upset about something or in some kind of pain that's good because now you have the opportunity to verify for yourself that the place of complete peace is not separate from whatever is happening, whatever particular thing is happening.

[07:22]

It's really, you know getting into that tiniest house of time, and really being with the experience as it is, more and more in your body. And my experience is that the more upset, for want of a better word, I am, the more important it is to be in my body. And the more, if I'm more calm, then that's the time to explore more, mind states, you know. But if you're having a hard time, which we often are, the best thing you can do is feel what that hard time is doing in your body. What does it mean in your body and in your breath? I'm also reminded of what my Dharma sister, Alexandra, said once during a talk when she was Shiseo, after she had developed a kind of nervous tremor.

[08:35]

She said, well, then I had to find true stillness. Which makes sense, actually. Casually, we might think that stillness means sitting still, but it can't mean that because it's just so much bigger and more pervasive than that. So especially for those of you who are sitting today after my words, which are kind of stirring everything up anyway, Let's try it. Let's try to find the place of complete peace or true stillness. So I'm going to read to you from Suzuki Roshi. Why we have Zen Center is to develop our big mind.

[09:36]

So that we can develop our big mind, we have Zen Center. So that we can continue to practice our way and develop our way, we have Zen Center. But if you have the idea of Zen Center too much as an organization, that is something wrong. This point should be carefully examined. We should know what we are doing here in Tassajara, or in the city, Zendo. Here is a koan, or Zen story, which was told by Fuketsu Enshou, the fourth generation of Rinzai. On some occasion, he told the students, and here's Suzuki Rishi's translation for it, If you pick up one dust, excuse me, if you pick up one dust, nation will become prosperous. If you don't, nothing will happen. That is the first part of case 61 in the Blue Cliff Record. And to this, Setcho said, taking up his staff, is there anyone who would go through birth and death with you?

[10:39]

And then, so Thomas Cleary's translation of this koan just, a lot, but just to let you know. I'm not going to refer to this again, but here's Thomas Cleary's. If you set up a single atom of dust, the nation flourishes. If you do not set up a single atom of dust, the nation perishes. And are there any patchwork monks who will live together and die together? If you pick up one dust, what does it mean, pick up a dust? It means to do something. like to start a monastery or a Zen group somewhere. That is to pick up, actually. What he meant is to have some group or start some Zendo, but he just said to pick up a dust. In the great universe, you know, or in great Buddha land, to start a Zendo is just like to pick up a dust. Not so big thing. Even though it is a very small thing, if you don't do it, nothing will happen.

[11:46]

He says nation but it means Buddha or Zen students will become prosperous. This is the great thing about koans. They're always using these metaphors. You've really got to relax your mind to hear the nation. The nation will flourish as Buddha Dharma will flourish in the world. But is this something very meaningful or not? we should think about the nation becomes prosperous or Zen students become prosperous. Is this good thing or bad thing? If something good happens, something bad will happen at the same time. Most likely, if one good thing happens, five or 10 or more than 20 bad things will happen. So we should think whether to pick up one dust to establish something is good thing or bad thing. So I have a handy example of this.

[12:51]

So a few months ago, sometime in the summer, when was that? June, July, August, the senior students started to bat around aspects and who's gonna be leading it and what should we study and I threw out there casually, let's do some of Suzuki Roshi's unpublished talks. And That was just my opening gambit, you know? But like, no one said anything and no one said anything else. No one had any other suggestions. So then we had a little meeting of the people who were going to lead and oh, and then Raul, I talked to Raul about it and he thought we should really have more of a focus than that. Not just Securities Unpublished talks, but like some kind of theme. So he had come up with of fame, which right now I can't remember, but something general, you know, like on the lines of this.

[13:54]

Form is form and emptiness is emptiness. Form is form and emptiness is emptiness. And then we were sort of batting that around, and then Ron, not that I have any feelings about this, Ron piped up with, I think we should do Suzukuro, she talks on koans. So that sounded pretty good, that sounded okay. But then I started looking through the lectures, and so now you've got the Venn diagram of all of Suzuki Roshi's talks, and then there's all of the koans, and then there's the overlap, which is maybe, I don't know, no more than a third, I think, of the talks. And then you've got the other circle, which is things that I feel fluent and relaxed enough to talk about during a Saturday talk. So we're getting it down there. So I'm looking through the talks and I'm kind of getting more and more anxious and reading through.

[14:56]

It's really starting to feel like looking for a needle in a haystack. And so I thought, why did I ever say that? Why did I ever say, let's do Suzuki Rishis? Why did I open my big mouth? Fortunately, I found this, and in the end, I did find the needle in the haystack. I found this really great talk that I liked a lot. It worked out, Ron. So he, as Sugirishi goes on, if you don't, nothing will happen. This is also true. What will you do? Will you pick up one dust or not pick up any dust? Leave everything as it is without saying anything? How many people are suffering? What's the matter? Let them suffer. Let them go in the wrong direction. That is not our problem. Let them go as they go.

[15:59]

We will not pick up any dust. But if you want to help them at the same time, many bad things will follow. This is very interesting but very real. As Dogen Zenji says, because everything is Buddha, there is enlightenment and defilement, birth and death, Buddha and sentient beings. If you pick up one thing, there is birth and death, enlightenment and delusion, and Buddha and sentient beings, something good and something bad. Even though your speech is good, many things will happen just because you picked up one thing. If you don't do anything, nothing will happen. But because we do something, many things will follow. That is actual fact. This is what we call Genjo Koan, our koan to solve the actual koan that we have. If you don't pick up anything, it means, what is the purpose of Buddhism? Purpose of Buddhism is not to establish Buddhist teaching, Buddhist groups.

[17:06]

That surprised me, didn't you? It surprised me. but to help people and to help people going their own way. But because they do not follow their own way, Buddha gives them some warning. If you do not follow the right path, you will be lost. That is the only reason why Buddha left his teaching for human beings. Buddha doesn't want to pick up anything or there is no need to pick up anything if all sentient beings follow the right path. But you know, some Buddhists make a big mistake. They try to establish something for the sake of Buddhism in its small, narrow sense. I think of that engaged Buddhist teacher, Sulak Sivaraksa's phrase, Buddhism with a small B. So he's talking about Buddhism with a big B, establishing Buddhism with a big B. The real purpose of Buddhism is to bring about the time when we do not need Buddhist teaching, when we do not need Zen Center or anything.

[18:15]

When, without a Buddhist teacher, we can follow our own way. That is best. That is the goal of Buddhism. The goal of Buddhism is to bring about the human life where there is no Buddhism. So not to pick up anything. Or to bring about a human life where there is no need to pick up anything, is why we make our effort. And actually, because we always try to pick up something and to establish something in its small sense, that is small mind, then the more we make effort, the more we have trouble. That's very silly, you know. If we establish something just to have more trouble, it doesn't make sense. So this pick up one dust, or as I like to call it, remembered it before, raise a particle of dust is one of the few lines of a poem, of a koan that has kind of entered household vernacular in my home, you know, where you just use it to explain something or to pick up one particle, you know, pick up one, pick up, raise a speck of dust, I think that's what I say, oh, raise a speck of dust, you know, it's that feeling when you try to do something

[19:31]

You thought it seemed like a good idea at the time, and then it's just rolling out. And you just say, ugh, rays of particle of dust. So he says, so last night I said the most important point of our practice is always to do something with big mind, not by small mind. When you do something with big mind, If there's no need to do it, you will not do it. Only when you have to do it, will you do it. That is big mind. And so then he comments on the verse. So for people who don't know, usually in the Blue Cliff Record, the case is presented, like the little story, and then the commentator, Shwe Du or Set Cho, has a little verse, which Suzuki Roshi calls his appreciative word, which is really nice.

[20:33]

His appreciative word. And his appreciative word is, old men may not release their eyebrows as they might have otherwise. Old men means good Zen masters. They will make a face. boy like Bodhidharma. I don't know if I can do it. I'm not sure I have the eyebrows to do it. Silly boys to start a Zen center. Oh, silly boys. They shouldn't do that. The old Zen masters may say so, you know. Isn't that interesting? As they might have otherwise. If we do not start a Zen center, they will not make a face. They will relax their eyebrows. They'll feel good. That is such an appreciative word. And then he says, tentatively, I will establish the foundation for the nation, even though old men may make a face. So, the old men may make a face is going back to the first part, but the second line is, tentatively, I will establish the foundation for the nation.

[21:43]

But tentatively, Suzuki Roshi says, I must say, excuse me, my fault, excuse me. Right now, under this situation, we must do something for people. So excuse me. Tentatively, I will establish the foundation for the nation. But tactful generals and great shogunate, where are they now? So that's back to Shwe Du. Tactful generals and the great shogunate, where are they now? And Suzuki Roshi says, Someday the day will come when we do not need any tactful generals or great shogunate, that is, powerful people. Someday we'll have the time when we don't need any powerful Zen masters. Someday. But to bring about that kind of peacefulness for people, tentatively, you know, we make some foundation. We'll pick up a dust. We are exactly the same thing at Tassajara. We already picked up something. But even though Zen masters would make a face, knowing that, we dare to pick up something here.

[22:48]

So again, it is good to fulfill your responsibility and to help establish a Zen center. It is good, of course, but if you're involved in a small selfish idea, then you cannot see Buddha's face. It is not visible anymore. If you are trying to extend or express your big mind in its true sense in your practice, Even though that is not the first principle, Buddha allows us to do it. And the purpose of establishing something is to be ready to forget all about Zen center. So the first principle is something like complete peace or true stillness. But if we're trying to extend or express our big mind in its true sense in our practice, Even though that is not the first principle, Buddha allows us to do it. And he says, I don't think we can dream about such a peaceful time when there is no need to have Buddha's teaching.

[23:49]

I don't know when. But we should be ready to resign from Zen Center when you are not necessary. But I don't know when I can say you may resign from Zen Center. I cannot say that so easily. But each one of us should be ready for that. And then he does something, this classic kind of, he turns it a little, like he does sometimes. Actually, why we study Buddhism is to have enough courage to do something, to pick up some dust. Even the smallest piece of dust. Dust is dust, people may not like it. But if you think it is necessary, you should do it. That is our spirit. And we do not do it because people admire you, because you will live good, successful life in the future. Knowing that what we are doing is not necessary forever, it is just tentative good means to help people. Knowing this to make the best effort in our everyday life is actually Buddhist practice. So the big mind is the way to extend our big mind is limitlessly big.

[25:00]

So the big mind is The way to extend our big mind is limitlessly big. Actually, there is no limit. So we say we establish Buddha's way in defilement. Whatever we do, it is delusion. Knowing that this is delusion, to do something, to pick up a dust, is Bodhisattva's way. We do not expect anything in doing something because we know what we are doing is not always necessary. Right now it is necessary, but tomorrow we don't know. We will be very happy if people do not want us. We will be very happy. That is real big mind. We wear robes. Why we wear robes may be, in short, to take off robes we wear robes. Unless you put on your robe, you have no time to take it off. We must wear Buddha's robe. Even it is dust, you must pick it up. But Buddha's robe is a formless robe, so any time you can take it off.

[26:05]

When time comes and all the sentient beings become Buddha, then you can take off the robe. Then your robe makes sense. If you wear it in some idea to keep, you know, wearing it forever as it is, Buddha's robe, that kind of idea doesn't make any sense. So I thought that was interesting. He says, we practice then to have the courage to, what he was saying before was to kind of make a mistake on purpose, to do something knowing that it's just gonna roll out. Like that takes some courage, right? And actually, if you have this kind of practice, your mind will be constant and peaceful.

[27:16]

Because you are involved in small mind, sometimes you are discouraged, sometimes in ecstasy. After this ecstasy, discouragement will come. No calmness, no constancy in your practice. When you continue your practice with calmness of your mind and with constant effort, you will appreciate the feeling of constancy. So you shouldn't mind what will happen in the future so much. We should worry about this moment, what we are doing. If you're following the right path and the quality of your life doesn't differ from the quality of Buddha's life, that is actually Dogen's Genjo Koan, the koan of the big scale, where anything can be koan and where everyone has great freedom from usual small activity. So then he does this really interesting thing about this issue of freedom. So, a lot of Buddhist teachers are always talking about the issue of freedom, our idea of freedom, which is usually the freedom to do whatever we want, the unconsciously thing, versus so-called true freedom, whatever that is.

[28:36]

So I hope, I don't, No, I don't think I can put it any better than he does, so I hope that you respond to it the way I did or something. The goal of practice, again, is mountain is high, river is flowing. That is the goal of practice. Where there is no teaching or teacher or sentient beings, that is the goal of practice. where there is nothing to stick to, where there is no Buddhism and no Buddha. But again, if you think that without any training, you will have that kind of life, that is a great mistake. You don't know what you're doing. When you say you don't need Buddhism, you're either a great fool or a very selfish person. Don't you think so? Maybe to be a great fool is better than to be a selfish person. There is a great difference between Buddha's freedom and your freedom.

[29:40]

It is beyond comparison. You say freedom and nature, but you don't understand what is freedom and what is nature. You say nature, but your understanding of nature is not true nature. It is something very unnatural nature, homemade nature, provided in your kitchen. Looks like nature, but is not truly nature. I don't know how many people have heard another phrase in vernacular in our home is, looks like good. Right? Looks like good. Looks like nature. True nature may be nature which ignores all living sentient beings. I'm thinking sort of cosmically, like the whole cosmos and little sentient beings on this planet. Human beings will be easily ignored by great big nature.

[30:45]

Whether we exist in this earth or not, it is not a big problem. But someone who says, whatever you do, that is to follow your nature, that is true freedom, In the same way, you will be ignored by the sun, by various stars in space. In the same way, you will be ignored. That's really interesting. That's tricky. He's saying, if you ignore the laws of nature and reality, the laws of nature and reality are going to ignore you. It's really an interesting thing to say, I think. I also was thinking as I was reading this, you know, I love to be exhorted. I don't know, and I think not everybody does. So maybe this, I wondered as I was reading, is this getting too, like, you're a fool, you're a selfish, but like, there's something about that. Like, I just have always liked that ever since I started practicing. So I just, if you're having a hard time with that, I'm sorry. I'm not taking it that way.

[31:51]

Taking it as like, Come on, you can do it, you can do it, you know. So he says, if you realize that you cannot be ignored by the universe, even though you are small, then you realize who you are. If you realize you cannot be ignored by the universe, even though you are small, then you realize who you are. And at the same time, you realize that because of being supported by the truth, you are alive. As long as you are supported by the truth, you cannot be free. Like, how did he get there? It's like, how? It's really amazing. He's saying, there's no freedom because everything is just this thing that the whole universe is making happen. And that's the way to connect with the true, complete peace.

[32:52]

Just join the thing that the whole universe is working together to make happen. That's the only thing you can do. And you are not free then. Buddha's freedom is to not be free. Well, read that again about that if the whole universe you are small. If you realize that you cannot be ignored by the universe, even though you are small, then you realize who you are. It makes sense, right? You are completely one with what's happening, you are just totally merged with it. There's no you, you know? At the same time, you realize that because of being supported by that truth, supported by everything, that's how we're alive.

[33:55]

Our life is to be supported by everything, moment by moment. As long as you're supported by some truth, you cannot be free. Sorry folks, that's kind of how he ends it. I was kind of sad that he doesn't make a commentary on this little second part to the koan. This koan is interesting. Usually when you Google a koan, you always find a lecture by Norman Fisher and a whole bunch of others. I couldn't find anything for this one. I don't know if I didn't try the right translation or what. I liked it so much and it feels so, I don't have any comment, I don't understand it, but it feels so pertinent to what we are going through right now. So I want to close with that, which is, are there any pastoral monks who will live together and die together? Or should we say, are there, what's the other version?

[35:01]

Yeah, the other version was, Is there anyone who would go through birth and death with you? But I like them both. I mean, Dharma brothers and sisters, what say you? Shall we go through birth and death together? So that's what I had to say, and I'm open to your questions if there's time. Is there time? A little bit of time? Linda? So no, no freedom. As we are all supported completely in our oneness with the universe, who picks up? Yeah, right, exactly. That's the Genjo Koan. That's why he says it's Genjo Koan. You've got to pick it up anyway. The whole universe supports you to pick it up. Well, the whole universe supports you to leave it down. Try it out. We'll see. I've never seen you do that, but I wouldn't mind. So far it hasn't, but it could tomorrow.

[36:09]

Another question? Could you give an example of a situation of small mind and big mind, how they differ? I could and in fact I'm so glad you asked that because I had that in mind to talk about and I didn't say it. So I remember vividly this one time when I came in the Zendo and if you sit a lot it'll happen, you know. I was so upset with somebody. I was just really beside myself. I was so upset and I sat down, which is kind of uncomfortable when you're upset, but I was so upset I didn't even, I don't think I even quite realized I was sitting so I was, it was like I was running this story of what I was gonna say, and then what they were gonna say, and then I was gonna say, and they were gonna say, and I was gonna say, and revenge, and just, you know, I'll get, not even, I don't think it's revenge, I don't feel that vengeful, but I do, you know, I can imagine calling someone out or something, you know.

[37:26]

So, you know, I did that for like half an hour or something. And then, right before the end of the period, something, you know, I popped out because I realized I was in the Zendo or I heard a noise or I don't know what, you know. And I thought, oh my God, that was better than a movie. You know, I mean, it was so incredibly vivid and compelling. You know, those are the two minds, right? And then, you know, after I popped out, I didn't need to go do anything to the person. I was like, oh my God, thank God I was in here when that happened. So I didn't do anything with that. Since you just let go, everything's changed. Yeah, it really felt like I popped out. I guess I let go. It was like I popped into the mind of the zendo, you know, which is just like, well, this is just the movie you're showing today, right? No big deal.

[38:30]

It doesn't mean anything and it's not important. You don't have to do anything about it. So the small mind is the one that's the urgent, I urgently need to address this now no matter what. Usually that's not good. You wait until you're, what they call in hypnotherapy, a resource state. Like you feel relaxed, you feel confident, you feel happy. If it makes sense to do it, you will. If it turns out not to be a good idea, if you see the look on their face and realize, no, then you don't, and it's all okay, we'll work it out some other time. I would call that. So, I have a question. Yes. So don't you think, though, that, hey, I love to talk, what you just said also, but don't you think sometimes there's even a big mind where the speck of dust you pick up and in the contemplation of picking up and in the doing of picking up, you don't feel that peaceful at all.

[39:34]

You feel like, I don't know if this is the right thing to do. Yeah. I'm anxious. But it feels like the right thing to do or it feels like more in accord with, I guess, my being in the fabric of the universe, rather than trying to do something, you know? Yeah. Especially if you feel unsure. I think when you feel unsure, that's good. It's like, that's... Unsure, that's not good. Yeah. You sort of don't know mine, but like, I think that's kind of what he was saying. I got to do this. I don't really know. Yes, yes. Yeah, I agree. That happens to me. Okay, whoa. Um, Afsane, Judy, and then maybe that, I don't know, John, if there's time.

[40:35]

Okay, Afsane. Well, I also wanted to say that when you were in this big mind or the small mind, whichever. Good, I like that. You allowed yourself to really be with it. and to experience it in all its dimensions. You mean the small mind, in a way? Yes. Yeah, well, it's good I was in here, though. That's why you need to sit a lot. You reduce the odds of being in the wrong place. It was pretty compelling, yeah. I don't know if I was willing to. I don't know if I ever decided to, you know. But, yeah. But you allowed yourself to be. to watch the movie, you didn't interrupt it or deny it? Yes. Deny it? Yes. But the movie isn't... The movie isn't bad. Plus, that's your life. Yeah, and it also... The reason why I was playing was because you were upset, and that's important.

[41:39]

But you didn't deny it. Right. And it's not like I didn't... I probably had to go talk to... I have no idea who the person was or anything, but I probably had to do something about it, right? I was noticing that as I was listening to you speaking, sometimes I'd go in and out because I realized it wasn't the words. I'd get caught in the words. what we're talking about in body, but when you started and you talked about and you talked slowly and took sips of water, which felt like punctuating it, that our life together is precious, and when you said brothers and sisters, shall we go through birth and death together, I get that. So I'm sort of wondering

[42:40]

Why'd I have to do all that whole other part? Because I'm wrong! It's his fault, he picked up that dust. What I'm getting at is, what feels very precious right now, we're talking about birth and death, is how do I stay, how do we stay with this wild mix and rage and confusion and anguish at the same time that we can laugh and there's sun shining in and the birds chirping. So my question in terms of freedom or not freedom is what would you say right now is the most precious thing? What isn't? Just this, just this.

[43:42]

There's nothing but this. There is no other thing. It's not about relative value. Some things are more precious than others. So that's why there isn't anything else. As long as you keep remembering, if we can keep remembering that. What say you about the timing here? Okay, one more, John. I was answered by everything, but we pick up things for small mind as well as big mind. Is that the work we're trying to do is put down some of the things or scenarios that we work with for 20 minutes in our sitting? Is that not picking up a small dust of the wrong kind? Is that a way of seeing that? Well, maybe. I guess, I have to say, all of a sudden I heard it. I didn't intentionally do anything. I didn't allow the movie to play or anything.

[44:44]

There was nothing intentional going on there. And so, for me, the small mind is that, you know. You may be picking up dust or making dust or making a mess, but the thing that he's talking about is when you intentionally think you're doing something that's a good idea. I think. Anyway, that's what I think. Okay. Thank you all. Enjoy your day sitting.

[45:12]

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