overcoming the impulse to explain why I behaved not so well. I'll just tell you what I did. This morning after breakfast I went back to the Spring Valley house. And before preparing for this, I wanted to take a little nap. I was going to rest. So I laid down and made myself oh so comfortable.

[01:14]

And then from another room I heard my name called out sweetly and quietly. It was so quiet, I almost couldn't hear it. But it was loud enough for me to wish I hadn't heard it. But it was quiet enough for me to pretend as though I might not have heard it. I had allotted myself 20 minutes for the nap. I had already used up a couple of minutes fiddling around, so it was cutting into the 20 minutes already.

[02:30]

I had just gotten settled for a short winter's nap. when lo and behold what should appear but someone calling my name so sweetly. I did not want to get up and disturb my nap. But my heart broke and tears came to my eyes. Such a little thing to not respond to. Such a little thing, a few seconds off my nap. Well, maybe my whole nap might have got shot. Who knows what will happen when you respond to the call? But I didn't get up. I stayed in my comfortable state and felt the pain of not responding.

[03:34]

And I thought, well, if she really wants me, she can call again. Then I'll get up. But then I thought, well, if somebody calls out for help and you don't come once, if that hurts them, they don't dare to ask again maybe and be rejected a second time. Of course, there's always the hope that they'll think you didn't hear them. Anyway, I just confessed, and now I brag. I got up. I got up out of my bed, and I went and said, Did you call me? And she said, Yes.

[04:39]

So I report my non-virtue and I report my laziness, my indolence, my selfishness to have my little nap, and my not responding to a call, a sweet call, a sweet call which might have led to anything, but anyway I didn't respond. and it did hurt me and I was ashamed and finally I roused myself with the help of my shame and I went and I survived and here I am. As Mr. Emerson Ralph Waldo said, every successful operation or something like that is based on enthusiasm.

[05:50]

Rouse yourself from your laziness. Get up and respond to the call. Patience is the primary cause of awakening, so the sutra says. And the unsurpassed, complete and perfect awakening is a direct result of patience. Enthusiasm is the primary cause for the cultivation of giving, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, awareness and insight.

[07:11]

She who endures her suffering, can truly cultivate enthusiasm with impartiality and without haste or tardiness. So patience also helps the practice of enthusiasm. so that you can be enthusiastic and cultivate it without rushing or holding back, and also impartially practice it, not picking and choosing when to be enthusiastic, not picking and choosing when to get up out of this comfortable situation. Patience is not just patience with suffering and hardship and patience with insults and attacks.

[08:38]

It is also patience with the profound Dharma. Oh, so deep. Oh, so much. So if I may, I think, convey another confession I heard a very good confession, someone told me that she has to admit that her fundamental intention has really been to feel better and to be a better person. This is okay, but in another sense it's really good to confess it Some people actually, I've heard some Zen teachers say the point of Zen practice is character development. That's really true, but it's also good to point out that the primary objective is the character development of other people.

[09:52]

It's the character development of the mountains and the rivers. It's the character development of Buddhism. To practice for the sake of practice. To practice for the sake of zazen. Not for how zazen can make you a better person, but how zazen can be better. Not your zazen, not my zazen, not even our zazen. We need patience to endure such a teaching. A teaching which says that the great being, the enlightening being, or enlightening being itself, great being itself, spontaneously gives rise to an unsupported thought.

[11:04]

a thought of no abode. And this thought of no abode, and I might even say even being in the neighborhood of it, even like hearing about it, helps. Like just the fact that I've been jabbering about it helped me get up out of bed this morning. Not just the first time, but the second time too. Maybe it'll all work out if we just walk the plank. We need patience. and enthusiasm to be like a mouth hanging in empty space.

[12:17]

Breathing in without dwelling in body and mind. breathing out without getting entangled in myriad circumstances. The subtle round mouth of the pivot, in the subtle round mouth of the pivot, turns the spiritual works. How about this subtle round mouth of the pivot in which the spiritual works turns? The virtue of good character is the crown of the world. Virtue is the crown of the world.

[13:33]

and virtue is the gate to the practice of the wind bell. We must sincerely receive Buddha's precepts and make full commitment intention, resolution, and determination to live these precepts and then jump into empty space and respond with patience and enthusiasm and flexibility. Patience not only makes it possible for us to sit still at the center of the present, and not be in a rush when we practice enthusiasm. Patience also softens our mind and body so we can be flexible.

[14:34]

There is no virtue greater than patience. if we can sit without holding to anything, if we cannot run away from the present moment and be there with complete enthusiasm, with joy in how wholesome it is to hold still in the blast furnace of experience, as Brother David says. How wholesome. Do you know how wholesome that is? Can you delight in how wholesome it is to stay still in the moment?

[15:46]

Fill your body with the joy of that practice and taste now and again now. In this joyful sitting still is born complete devotion and complete interest in all sentient beings. Of all. If I say this now, somebody's going to be frightened. But anyway, if I say, there is one person in this room who I haven't opened my heart to, probably 80% of you will think it's you.

[16:47]

But it's not you. It's somebody else. There is one person I haven't opened my heart to. I thought that earlier today. I said, how can I give a talk without opening my heart to this person, this person who has hurt me so many times? No, it's not you. It's somebody else. You've also been kind to me many times. But there's one person who's never even been kind to me, just attacking me year after year. Good excuse, huh? Not to open my heart to her, her, he, he. So I don't mean to, that's probably rude for me to play this game. But anyway, I felt ashamed that I wasn't opening my heart to this person. How could I give a talk about this if I didn't?

[17:54]

I felt dustiness in my heart when I thought of this person. But just thinking about patience right now and just talking about not being lazy. I've opened my heart to this person. I didn't even open it. It opened. So it's okay now. I continue. It's still sore when I think about it around in the heart area. I told you this before too.

[18:56]

One time I was talking to someone who I really love and who hasn't been very mean to me at all. As a matter of fact, been a very good friend. But still, one time I was talking with this person and I felt this dustiness in my heart. And in the past I knew, I learned in the past with this person that if I would say I love you, that usually opened up and cleared away the dust and the cobwebs. So I said I love you, but it didn't work. it cleared away about 70%. So then I said, thank you, and it cleared away another section. And then I said, I'm sorry, and it was all the way open. Words can set us free if we say them, and if we mean them all the way to the bottom. And if we hold still with joy, we can say what we need to say.

[20:07]

And we will need to say something because our devotion to all beings, our complete devotion to all beings, will cause us to say something. We will utter something. Even though we don't know anything, we'll say something. Sitting still will give birth to this devotion, and devotion to all beings will give birth to just sitting. If you don't know how to sit still, if you can't sit still yet, if you aren't patient enough to completely stay in the present, if you're not enthusiastic enough, if you're still lazy, then your devotion to all beings, if you can be completely devoted to all beings, you will stop being impatient and lazy. Devotion can produce just sitting, and just sitting produces devotion. The light produces the patience and the enthusiasm, and the patience and enthusiasm are the light.

[21:17]

You only need to sit still long enough in an attractive spot like Green Gulch in the forest and all the inhabitants will exhibit themselves to you in turn and call for help. And you'll respond. This kind of response in the Zen text is called a saindava person. It's called a saindava person because saindava means four things in Sanskrit. It means water, salt, horse, In a bowl, I think. Is that right? Water, salt, horse, and a bowl. They use that word to say that, you know, if a servant of the sovereign is there and the sovereign says, Saindhava, the servant knows what to do.

[22:47]

If the sovereign is eating and says sandava, she brings salt. If the sovereign is thirsty and says sandava, he brings water. If the sovereign is finished eating, he brings a bowl to wash his hands. The sovereign is getting up to go forth, brings a horse. How does the saindhava person know what to do? Because they have unsupported thought. How do they have unsupported thought? Sit still with complete enthusiasm.

[23:55]

Just a leaky, tumble-down grass hut. Just opening, aw, opening the mouth and watch the response come. It's that one. I have an interview here which I think exemplifies very nicely a, a Sai Dada person, a being that responds to the call. This may not be a true story like the rest of the stories that I tell, but anyway, here's the story. It's a story of a conversation between a woman named Ann and a young lady gorilla named Coco.

[25:19]

Ann Coco is interpreter. Penny. Three ladies having a little chat here. One's quite young. So Anne says to Coco, hello, Coco. Coco says, gold teeth? Anne opens her mouth to show that there's no gold teeth. Coco says, earrings. Anne pulls her hair away to show. No? Coco points to Anne's pocket. Candy? No candy, Coco. No candy, Coco.

[26:24]

When I first came to Zen Center over at Sokoji Temple, I can't remember who told the story, but I think Katagiri Roshi told the story about this, I think, U.S. admiral who became friends with a certain Soto Zen teacher right after the war. During the war, the admirals were not visiting around in the land too much. They had to be out in their boats in the moonlight. That was their job. The Moonlight Samadhi in the boat, the US boats.

[27:29]

So the general, what are you laughing about? And so the admiral was talking to the Zen master and every time he came to see the Zen master, the Zen master would say, did you bring me candy? Did you bring me cakes? And I was a new Zen student at the time, just come to Zen center and I thought, Funny Zen master, not my idea of Zen master. Now after a while, now I see, I understand a little bit. So Coco, the lady gorilla says, candy? Do you have candy there? Sorry Coco, no candy. This admiral after a while brought the candy though. Then Coco says, barrette? Have do there.

[28:35]

And Anne removes a plastic headband that she had, kind of maroon, reddish-maroon color, and gave it to Coco. And Coco put it on her own head and then wrapped it around her neck. Coco said, necklace. Red, red that. What'd you say? You're breathing. Then Coco stretched the headband around her stomach and it breaks. And she kisses both parts. Are you there? Then Coco points to Anne's notebook and says, need that. Anne says, Coco, I never show my subjects my notes. But you can have a page.

[29:40]

So she rips out a page and draws a picture of a cat, but not a very good picture of a cat. So Penny thinks that Coco won't understand it's a cat because it looks like an amoeba. So she writes cat underneath the... a picture, and gives it to Coco. Coco receives the gift and says, good, goodbye. Penny, the interpreter, said, it's bedtime, she's tired. And Anne says, just a little longer. And Coco said, look, goodbye.

[30:41]

Monk came to see Master Ma and told his attendant that he was there. and asked the attendant to ask Master Ma, what is the Buddha Dharma? So the attendant went to Master Ma and said, there's a monk here who wants to know, what is the Buddha Dharma? Master Ma said, give him some tea. Tell him to drink it and go. So the attendant gave the guy some tea and said, please drink it and go. That's what the teacher said. And the attendant went back and said, well, I told him. By the way, teacher, what is the Buddha Dharma? Master Ma said, have some tea and get out. Look, goodbye. So anyway, the next day they had another interview. Don't worry, there'll be another interview.

[32:02]

So Anne says, hi. And Coco says, Coco love visit. And Anne says, would you like a nut? And Coco, grabbing her bag, says, nut give me. Coco there, good, nice, good nut. Coco love, love visit. Anne says, thank you. I love visiting you, too. Coco says, visit, visit. Good nut. Barrette. She's got a new barrette, so she gives the barrette to Coco, and Coco says, red do there. and puts it around her leg.

[33:13]

And Anne says, that's very pretty, Coco. Then Anne points to Coco's, I mean, Coco points to Anne's purse. She's interested in Anne's purse. Anne said, I need that too, but I'll show you what's inside. So she gives Coco some Kleenex and Coco puts it on her head. And then she blows her nose and daintily wipes each nostril and gives the Kleenex back. Anne says, thank you. Coco says, hurry, do there. Anne says, okay. There's some dental floss. I'll tear you off a piece. And she gives... Coco a piece of dental floss, and Coco says, teeth, and flosses her teeth, her molars, and says, there do there.

[34:13]

And then Coco takes Anne's hand and strokes the palm and licks the fingers, Anne's fingers. Anne says, goodbye, Coco. It was a lovely interview. Would you like my business card? Coco examines the business card and eats it. What? I don't know if that's a true story. And, I mean, Coco is a lady gorilla and lady gorillas act like that apparently. The boys don't act like that. But they, with help, they can learn. Those mammary glands help.

[35:22]

Coco had some pet kittens, and she took care of them. And one of them got run over, and Coco cried for a long time. But then they got her some more. and she always tried to nurse them. So with patience and enthusiasm, we have a chance of being interested in just about anything. Even being a mouth hanging in emptiness, watching the spiritual pivot turn

[36:35]

in the subtle round mouth, responding moment by moment, this thought of no abode, a pivot A pivot is kind of like a place something turns on. Like the hip is a pivot where the thigh bone can turn. So a pivot's a place you can turn around. This round, this subtle, very subtle round mouth is the wind bell. The whole body is like a round mouth. Your whole body and mind is a round mouth, a subtle round mouth. And the spiritual function can turn on your body.

[37:44]

As a matter of fact, that's the only place it does turn. It turns on your body and mind. Back and forth, round and round, the spiritual work is pivoting, is turning in the pivot of your round, subtle mouth. Of the openness, it turns in the openness of you. And that openness is located in the present. And if you can be patient, you can outline that round, subtle mouth. You can be there with it and you can enjoy this turning that's happening. And you can stay there and appreciate how this thing is, how it is. It doesn't have to get better. It doesn't have to improve. But how it responds is so wonderful.

[38:51]

Do you have some cakes for me? Reb, yes. But you got to be there to get the prize. If you're not there, you'll be partial, or you'll be late, or you'll be early, or hasty. But there's a sadness in moving on and growing up in this way.

[40:03]

Take a good look at this place. This is the last seven-day sesshin in this building. You've been sitting here for eighteen years. When we first lived here, the sheet rock wasn't up, just the corrugated sheet metal. And there was a big door here, and we had a tarp hanging here. And when the wind blew, the tarp went almost horizontal. One time, it rained a lot, and the rain came in the door. And we're up quite deep here in mud. We were walking around Zendo in boots. So I don't know what it'll be like, but anyway, we're going forward, I guess.

[41:15]

We got the money thanks to so many happy bodhisattvas. We're getting the money thanks to Enthusiasm, right? This is a Zen Center fundraiser. So I guess it'll be a nice new building, but we'll miss this one. We can't have it anymore. Of course, we could change our mind. Can I loan you something?

[43:05]

Can you take very good care of it? Hm? Can you take very good care of it? Oh, me too? OK. I humbly say to patient, enthusiastic practitioners, don't hold on to a single state.

[44:46]

Throw your body into the womb of light and don't look back. Don't worry. Coco will be there with you. Don't seek enlightenment. Don't brush away delusion. And don't be averse to thoughts arising. And don't fondly continue thinking. Just be a wooden horse, romping in the springtime, swift and unbridled, uninvolved in myriad circumstances.

[46:05]

Just sit grandly under this old roof for a few more hours. Just be like space. Just be like fire. Just sit and breathe through everything. And this doesn't apply only to sitting. Every step you take Every vow you make is the walking and vowing of light.

[47:19]

All day long be like somebody who is utterly dead with no view of self and no imagination of false things at all. Nevertheless, the breath goes in and out, out and in. Even though you're completely still, they're still breathing. Even though the breath has stopped, they're still breathing. body and mind are unified and the light is pleasantly shining.

[48:28]

Therefore you can respond to the call. This light has no abode Though Buddhas appear in the world, this light does not appear in the world. Though Buddhas pass away, this light does not pass away. When you are born, this light isn't born. When you die, this light doesn't go away. It is not more in Buddhas and less in sentient beings. It is not diluted when you are diluted. It does not become awakened when you awaken.

[49:37]

It has no location, no sign, no name. It cannot be grasped or abandoned. Even though it's ungraspable, it's completely active throughout your whole body right now. This practice should not be used. It should be just taken care of for itself.

[50:46]

It's not a technique. It's a living thing. Concentration on the breath is not for some purpose. It is just concentration on the breath. Caring for it appropriately, moment by moment. Just like we don't take care of suffering beings as a meditation technique. We just take care of sentient beings and expect nothing more. We just take care of the breath and expect nothing more. We just take care of this body and expect nothing more. More or less, all of our bodies are falling apart.

[51:52]

So it's good to give it away to Buddha as soon as possible and not worry about its state. Give it away before it's too late. If you die before you give it away, some people could tell you horror stories. Give it away as soon as possible. Give it to Buddha. Give it to all sentient beings as soon as possible. and give it in the present.

[53:03]

How do you give it? Just let the whole body be a mouth hanging in emptiness. That's the way to give it. You can't grasp it. You can't let go of it. Just let it be open and it will be given. And if you really give it, it will be extremely joyful. If you hold back a little, you'll feel dusty and in pain. If you believe and accept such a teaching, you need not ask others about truth.

[54:19]

It will be like meeting your mother in downtown San Francisco to go shopping. This is all just a series of reminders. You already know this. I'm just reminding you. Just taking up a little air space here for some reminders. When somebody loves you, it's no good unless they love you all the way.

[56:00]

When you love somebody, it's no good unless you love somebody all the way. It's a little bit good, actually. That's not true. Warming up's good. It just doesn't qualify as love. It's a warm-up. Through the good and lean years and in all the in-between years, come what may, deeper than the deep blue ocean. That's how deep it goes if it's real. That's just a reminder, right? Nobody doubts that? Nobody doubts that, do they? Does anybody doubt that? If they do, do you have the courage to say you doubt it?

[57:10]

No. I don't think you doubt it. I don't think I doubt it either. I just think we're lazy. That's all. Sometimes we're lazy and we say, there's no question about it, I just am not going to go all the way. And in a sense it's true, I can't go all the way, but there is going all the way. There is such a thing. And that's what we're born for, is to go all the way. I can't hear you.

[58:15]

I can't hear you. Pardon? What do you mean? Going deaf is nice because then other people have to express themselves. Please express yourself so that even I can hear. You can do it, both of you. Not you, them. The ones that have to do it. Say it. I didn't say you can't go all the way. You can't. If I say, I can't go all the way, that's my cute way of saying, I am lazy. That's what I can't go all the way means. It's another way of saying, I'm lazy. Another way of saying, I'm holding back. I'm holding out. I don't trust Buddhist teaching, so I'll play it 99%, but I'm holding 1% just in case it doesn't work.

[59:23]

That's what not going all the way means. It means I don't believe that going all the way is necessary. It means that you can be a little bit lazy and still be a Buddha. Well, that's not a Buddha. A Buddha is 100% stupid. A Buddha is like that gorilla who doesn't know any better than to say, gimme, love the visit, and look, goodbye. May I?

[59:57]

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