Good morning. Thank you for your kind words, Hazan.

[01:09]

Yeah, June 7th, 1987. You, me, and a bunch of others. There are 48 koans in the Mumon Koan. And a new one was added recently, the 49th koan, which is how to put on this headset. I think I figured it out. A little louder. Well, yeah. Maybe I'm still at 48. Thank you, Megan. Yes, I will speak up. Well, nice to see you all today. Today I'm going to talk about the paramitas.

[02:11]

The paramitas are the practice of perfection. There are six of them. There's dana paramita, practice of giving or generosity. There is virya paramita, which is a practice of energy or effort. There's a practice of Shila Paramita, which is a practice of precepts or guidance. There is practice of Prajnaparamita, which is wisdom, beyond wisdom. The practice of Dhyana Paramita, which is a practice of meditation. I think that's six. And Kshanti. Patience, patience, patience. Yes, thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. The thrust of my talk is going to be about generosity or giving. So Dhanaparamita is the practice of generosity or giving.

[03:18]

Dhanaprajnaparamita is the practice of giving without a giver or receiver. It's just the act of giving. So Dogen Zenji speaks a little bit about the practice of the Paramitas in a fascicle that we've been studying. And he was talking about in the context of the Bodhisattva practice. The third vehicle is the Bodhisattva vehicle. It is to achieve unsurpassable complete enlightenment through the teaching, practice and realization of the six Paramitas. The six paramitas, realizations, are the paramita of giving, the paramita of precepts, the paramita of patience, the paramita of effort, the paramita of meditation, and the paramita of prajna, wisdom beyond wisdom.

[04:19]

These are all unsurpassable enlightenment beyond any discussion of not born and not created. It is not necessarily that the paramita of giving comes first and the paramita of prajna comes last. A sutra says a bodhisattva of sharp capacity makes prajna first and giving last. A bodhisattva of dull capacity makes giving first and prajna last. Paramita means arriving at the other shore of enlightenment. Although the other shore does not have the appearance or trace from olden times, arriving is actualized. Arriving is the fundamental point. Do not think that practice leads to the other shore because there is practice on the other shore when you practice the other shore arrives. It is because this practice embodies the capacity to actualize all realms. So when I read that, what came to mind was something that's been said over and over again, which is, we're not going anywhere.

[05:28]

We've come here to practice, we've come to Berkeley Zen Center, so we have a sense of we're going somewhere. We're going to Berkeley Zen Center to meditate and practice these paramitas and lessen my stress, get an enlightenment experience, any one of a number of reasons. But actually, after a while of just practicing, the idea of getting something slowly wanes and dissipates, and then we just actualize what we're doing, what's ever in front of us. and practicing the paramitas is a way of contextualizing that. If I have an idea of giving something, like I want to give a talk, there's an intention to practice, there's an intention to convey Buddhist teachings to a group of people, some of whom are here just for the first time, and some of whom have been here for decades and decades. So in the process of making an effort, in the process of practicing some patience, practice of precepts, right speech, what's appropriate, there's just giving this talk.

[06:39]

and it's up to you to actually receive this presentation and feel and see if this was just a presentation of Dharma just for its own sake or a Dharma of expressing this person, Seishi Tetsudo. Is my pure determination to penetrate the way expressed in this talk today. So we kind of go back and forth between what our intention is and just doing. In Branching Streams, the Suzuki Roshi lectures on the Sandokai, He teaches us that the next line is, while human faculties are sharp or dull, it is difficult to translate this passage.

[07:45]

It refers to the dispute between the Northern school and the Southern school. The clever ones do not always have an advantage in studying or accepting Buddhism, and is not always a dull person who has difficulty. A dull person is good because he is dull. A sharp person is good because she is sharp. Even though you compare, you cannot say which is best. I am not so sharp, so I understand this pretty well. My master, Gyokugan, so on, always addressed me as, you crooked cucumber. I was his last disciple, but I became the first one because all the good cucumbers ran away. Maybe they were too smart. Anyway, I was not so smart enough to run away, so I got caught. So I got caught. Well, I have a desire to be not so slow, but sharp and quick. And there's a story about a carriage rider and his horse and using a whip and the horse that's very sharp actually starts moving the carriage at the sound of the carriage rider reaching for his whip.

[08:58]

The second horse, a little bit slower, moves when the tip of the whip just touches its back. The third horse doesn't move until the whip is actually fully engaged and hits the body, you know, fairly hard. And then the fourth horse is the horse that doesn't move until it penetrates into its bones. So, I like to think of it. not so much as the horse is a traditional story, but I'm rather fond of animals. And so I was thinking about how do we serve each other? How do we give and offer generosity to each other? And I'd like to rework this story as if someone comes to your house for tea, or if you're in a communal setting with a bunch of people and there's a teapot and some teacups, the server

[10:01]

instead of the horse, is the one who moves and intuits that the person would like the tea and picks up the teapot and begins serving. The server who's a little bit slower reaches for the teapot as the servee is scanning the scene and is picking out a teacup to use. The server who's a little bit slower doesn't pick up the teapot until the servee has selected the teacup and holds it up for service. And the slowest one is the one where the tea servee, I'm waiting, where's my tea? So they're all okay, just like all those horses are okay. But we tend to want to be the one that intuits and jumps at it right away. And over the years, as much as I've had a desire to be the sharp person, the one who moves quickly and intuits knowing what to do next and anticipating what has to happen to make things move.

[11:12]

Actually, of late, I've been gathering some comfort and ease around, except the fact that I'm slow. And I need reminders, and the reminders help me and humble me. And so the idea of being the fastest horse or the intuitive tea server gets knocked down a notch or two, and then it actually feels better to be in that place. It's actually a little bit more comfortable to kind of be in the flow or the mix of the sangha in that way. I'm, at the same time, I'm deeply, deeply impressed by people who are very sharp and intuitive and pick up on things very quickly and they can retain information and process it and then offer it back for discussion or just having a chat or conversation.

[12:31]

Actually, I'm in awe of that ability that many of us here in this room have. And part of me wants to be like that. and I start feeling a little envious. And then I have to remember that I have my own Dharma position, and my Dharma position happens to be a little slower than some of my friends. And being more generous with myself enables me just to accept the relationship that I have with you all. and it's no longer this feeling of separation that you're smarter than me or you're slower than me. We actually are all contributing and supporting this practice place together. And when that happens, when that doesn't happen and I have this sort of feeling of envy and jealousy and such, I realize I have an attachment.

[13:36]

I have an attachment to an idea of myself, an attachment of how I want to be in this world and how I want to be in a relationship to you all. And that's really great to see. I'm humbled and I have this attachment. And how can I be more generous with myself and just accept the fact that this is who I am? Well, Suzuki Roshi actually gave me the answer to that. Gave us all the answer. It's on page 65. We have a saying, dana prajna paramita. Dana means to give, prajna is wisdom, and paramita means to cross over. or to reach the other shore. Our life can be seen as a crossing of a river. The goal of our life's effort is to reach the other shore, nirvana. Prajnaparamita, the true wisdom of life is that in each step of the way, the other shore is actualized, I'm sorry, Prajnaparamita, the true wisdom of life, is that in each step of the way the other shore is actually reached.

[14:44]

To reach the other shore with each step of the crossing is the way of true living. Dhana Prajnaparamita is the first of the six ways of true living. And of course, at the end of the heart sutra that we chant each day, it's, Gatte, gatte, paragatte, parasamgate, bodhisvaha, gone, gone, completely gone, gone to the other shore, hallelujah. So we actually end this central teaching in our practice of gone, gone, gone to the other shore, and yet we haven't gone anywhere, we're right here. But if we practice it long enough, we realize that the other shore that we were longing for is right under our feet. Dogen Zenji said, to give is not attachment. That is, just not to attach to anything is to give. It does not matter what is given.

[15:47]

To give a penny, or a piece of a leaf is dana prajna paramita. To give one line or even one word of teaching is dana prajna paramita. In the spirit of non-attachment, the material offering and the teaching offering have the same value. With the right spirit, all that we do, all that we create is dana prajnaparamita. So, Dogen said, to produce something, to participate in human activity is also dana prajnaparamita. To provide a ferry boat for people or to make a bridge for people is dana prajnaparamita. Actually, to give one line of the teaching may be to make a ferry boat for someone. So to give is non-attachment. And when I feel and have felt like I don't want to give, there's a feeling in my body of tenseness and tautness and stinginess.

[16:47]

And so I'm attached to something like I have too much time on my hands or I have too little time on my hands. This person should be doing this, that person shouldn't be doing that. So in practicing generosity and just accepting things as it is and not being attached to my view of how things should be, there's a feeling of generosity and my body kind of loosens up and I can be more present with people and more open. And that's what I want to do. I had this idea when I received my dharma name from Soja Roshi, Pure Determination Penetrate Way. Yes, I'm going to sit hard and I'm going to do all this stuff. And after 30 some odd years now, it's like, it's yes, but it's a different kind of yes. It's a yes of just accepting. That feels better. It feels more wholesome. And it feels less attached to wanting to be a certain way. There's a fellow who was a resident here many, many years ago named Steve Belsito.

[18:07]

He, the Italian ancestry, he lived with, with Hozon before he and Laurie got together. And he was very proud of his Italian heritage and that warmth and sort of effusive kind of quality that Italians exude, you know, when you stereotypically and then of course, in reality, when, when you meet most of them. Not all, but most. So he talked about Germans and that sort of uptight stereotype and not liking Germans and that kind of quality as much more into the sort of Mediterranean soldier spirit. Well, anyway, Steve was practicing here for many years. He actually practiced in New York, where I started, and I knew him there, and coincidentally, he arrived here. And then he left and pursued other things, and now he lives in Germany with his German wife. So you just don't know what's going to happen to you, but things have a way of working themselves into your life, and then you actually get to learn about yourself.

[19:13]

So one of the things that Steve kind of shared years ago, offhandedly, was a story of Deng Xian, who's the co-founder of the Soto sect of Zen that we follow here. And he said it, I didn't remember it for a long, long time. And then when I came across it reading the record of Deng Xian, here it is. One time when the master was washing his bowls, he saw two birds contending over a frog. A monk who also saw this asked, why does it come to that? The master replied, it's only for your benefit, Acharya. Acharya means teacher or wise person, I think. So, How often do we encounter two birds fighting over a frog or two people fighting over ideology?

[20:15]

And we wonder why that is. Well, the two frogs, I mean, the two birds, the two frogs fighting over a fly, They have their own karma and their own business of sorting out what that's about. But for practice, we don't have to go anywhere else. We don't have to go to another shore to figure out what Buddhadharma is. It's actually right here in front of us. So this speaks to that. Right in front of me are these two birds fighting over a frog and it comes to that. There's greed and there's wanting. If there's a spirit of generosity of one bird saying, hey, take it, it wouldn't be a problem. But we tend not to do that. So speaking of greed, I'm kind of greedy for my time. And my father was a veterinarian, and he took care of livestock that turned into food that people ate.

[21:23]

And then later on in his practice, he became more of a small animal doctor of dogs and cats. So I observed him and learned a lot from him, the way he handled the animals and handled his clients. But when I got older, even though we had lots of animals in my house growing up, I didn't want to have any pets. I wanted just to be able to come and go on my own and not worry about having to feed them and take them to the vet and pay all those exorbitant veterinary bills to keep the animals healthy and happy and find people to sit for my pets when I would go on vacation and then of course they would die and I would feel very sad about that. So I wasn't going to have any pets in my life as an adult and I didn't for a long, long, long time. And then, Rocky came into my life. Rocky is a big black cat that hangs out in the back near the Dokusan hut. And Rocky came with my former girlfriend, Kika. And when I met Rocky, I thought, I'm not so sure about Rocky.

[22:29]

And, you know, if Kika and I are going to become a couple, that means I have to absorb a cat into my life. I said, well, Kika, she's a known quantity. We're good to go. Rocky, I'm not so sure. Well, after a while, Kika was good to go, and she went to Tassajara, and I had the cat. So Rocky and I have been together for five years now. And Kika and I have been together for five years. We just happened to live together, so we're still in touch. Then in September, Sweet Pea came into my life. Sweet Pea's a little gray cat that wandered into our temple and showed up and was hanging out around the lemon bush, that lemon tree that Nathan McClellan tended for years and couldn't find a home for it. And Sojiroshi said, we should have a temple cat. And when he said that, I knew what was going to happen. So I thought about it for a short time and then introduced Rocky and Sweet Pea.

[23:36]

Because Rocky had kind of shown his belly to Sweet Pea out in front of Mel's office sometime prior to that. That's a good sign showing vulnerability. But out there, it's different than in the apartment. So anyway, they're both in my house, and they both have their separate chairs that they sleep on. And of course, Rocky was first, so he's top dog or top cat. And Sweet Pea isn't, but Sweet Pea maintains her ground. And it's really great teaching to see how she does that. However, every so often, Rocky will hiss at Sweet Pea. And my natural impulse is, stop that! Stop that! Because Sweet Pea's so sweet. Why are you hissing at Sweet Pea? Well, of course he's hissing at Sweet Pea because it's his turf and who the hell are you coming into my home and being here and eating my food or sharing a bowl with, you know, sharing the bag of food. You know, what's that about? And so I stopped.

[24:38]

reprimanding Rocky and just accept the fact that these two animals have to get along. Then I was at Courtney and Gina's home where Thurston Moore, who's been there a long time, and Chesterfield, who's the newer cat, have their relationship. And there's activity between the two of them and they respond similar to myself in trying to keep the cats comfortable and cared for. But it's just natural. I don't know how they think, but they must feel some sense of jealousy and spaciousness and I want attention and all of that. And so I realized, well, Courtney and Gina are just like me, and the cats are themselves, and this is just what cats do. And then I thought a moment later, this is what people do. We hiss at each other.

[25:41]

If you get into my space a little too close, you know, kind of move the zabaton over a little bit further away, or psychically, if there's some kind of thing that goes on around practice, forms and such, policies and things, we hiss at each other. So I don't know how cats deal with it, but for me, one of the things I've tried to deal, tried to adjust to the hissing that I offer to people and the hissing that I receive from people is Can I be open to this? Can I be open to not being top banana? Can I be open to being mistaken or being in someone's space? And can I apologize for that? And can we still maintain a relationship, harmony? And when I go through that process, there's this question of what can I do? What can I do? What can I do? Because the other person, again, is their business.

[26:43]

It's what can I do? And that's a very deliberate thing. Can I practice Dhanaparamita? And then there are moments, every so often, where it transforms into Dhanaprasthaparamita, where there's not me there, there's just offering of some generous spirit or attitude that comes forward. Just like when Ragi just plops on his side and exposes his stomach. He was just hissing at Sleepy a moment ago, but then he's being kind and open. Well, it's a mystery. How does that happen? How does that happen? A friend of mine encountered two people engaged in a very violent fight down here a few blocks away.

[27:50]

And she went over there and tried to break it up, which sounds like it happened, that the altercation had stopped and cop cars came and all of that. And from her description, it was a really intense, violent act in broad daylight of some guy just wailing on another person on top of them, hitting really hard and blood and all that. It sounded horrific. And I thought about, what would I do in a situation like that? I don't know. I know what I would like to do, but in that moment, I'm not sure what I would do. And I started thinking about this spirit of generosity and attachment. And if I'm attached to my safety, my comfort, my tendency to avoid uncomfortable situations, you know, then I feel like, well, I'll just keep walking or say, hey, stop that.

[28:57]

I'm going to call the cops or something, which is a pretty scaredy cat way of dealing with it, but it's something. But my friend, who's a lot smaller by description than the perpetrator of this, just went over there and made gestures as well as verbal expressions to stop it. And it stopped. And that, from their telling, was an expression of Dhanaprajna Paramita. of seeing something and not being attached to safety or place or who's the wrong person or right person, just going in there and taking care of it. So that was the other shore being reached just by walking down the street and taking care of what's in front of them. Really impressive.

[29:58]

A student came to a teacher once and said, you know, I'm really hurting. I can't get myself together here. And the teacher said, well, go help somebody else then. And that's, for me, that's an expression of going to Dana Paramita. You're too attached to yourself and wanting to be helped, wanting to be perfect, wanting to be the fast horse or the intuitive teapot server. Just give, just give yourself and let go of this idea of who you think you should be and where you should be in this moment in your life. And when they did that, things got better. They actually let go of the old idea of who they should be, and then they got lost in taking care of the next person, the person in front of them.

[31:21]

So how do we give? What's the appropriate amount to give, and when do we do that? And if we're too focused on giving or generosity, we also have to remember, well, there has to be a receiver. So if someone says, thank you, you're welcome. And we stay engaged. You don't need to shy away from that acknowledgement. You don't need to be waiting in anticipation of some acknowledgement, but we just kind of meet directly. And there's a relationship there, a giver and a receiver. That's about all I have to say. Thank you for your attention. And if you have any questions related to what I was talking about today, I'd like to hear. Peter. Well, Joshi started sitting when he was 80.

[33:05]

And one way of looking at that is, man, that guy took a long time to come around. Another thought I have is, if I compare myself to the other horses who are represented by our sangha, then it's just me and that helps me accept the circumstances of my life in whatever rung of fast or slow that I'm in. My experience has been that when I feel less than, less generous with myself, or less generous with others, it's usually in comparison to some person that I wish I was more like, that person. Does that speak to something? Yes, that's the source of the pain.

[34:11]

Comparing your, yeah. Yeah, right. And as we get older, we say, gosh, how much longer do we have here? So that's, it's a compare, compare and despair. Yeah, I saw this documentary on George Harrison recently, and you know, the Beatles, I sent the Beatles to the stones, which is best, but the Beatles are kind of like, that's the distillation of, pop music. And I think about all the other musicians that were playing in that era that did not have that notoriety or the history or documentaries aren't going to be made about them. And yet their expression is just as bona fide as the Beatles' expression. This is my opinion. And I've thought about that from time to time. And then in the documentary, there was the traveling Wilbury

[35:18]

I think it's the name of the band, that was George Harrison playing with other people after the Beatles broke up. And he was just there supporting the music that these other musicians were playing as well. And they're all there together. It wasn't like, I'm the Beatle and you weren't a Beatle, so I'm going to take the lead here. We're all here together supporting it. It was a really great opportunity to see that we all cover the ground equally, as Dogen says. All of our shadows cover equally, but when we look at the person, then we start making the judgments and desires and shuns and whatnot. But if we stay with the shadow, we stay with the dark, it all kind of comes together. But how do we balance the dark and the light? And that's something that you and I get to practice with, that we've been practicing with for quite a while. Thank you. Yeah. Just checking on time.

[36:20]

Rihanna. Hi. Yeah. pick one uh... Where is the... Where is the... I don't even know if I'm doing the right question. Where is the... Donna Prashant Parmita for oneself? In feeling the need to say to someone, I'm so disappointed by this.

[37:22]

Versus just sitting with my own experience of being disappointed. That's a really good question. All good questions. I remember Sojourn Roshi from the Abbott seat once said that when he offers correction to people, or he offers it, and then he ducks. Because there's no knowing how his correction will be received. It will be an offering to be a trusting his understanding and leadership, and it's not a personal hiss, but it's an impersonal encouragement to the person.

[38:31]

So I can't tell you when to sit quietly and when to express yourself. I've said this a few times over the years of giving talks, that as a kid and growing up, I took after my father more, who didn't speak up so much. And a lot of people really loved him because he was this sweet, compassionate veterinarian and never had a bad word to say about anybody. My mother, on the other hand, was different. And I found that sense of just saying what was saying on her mind, saying on my mind, there was a value to that. But if I did not remember my father's side, the softer side, the more gentle side, am I expressing my hiss or whatever is being said, then there's an imbalance. So how do I hold the two? So for me, I reached a point in my life that I had to start saying something and expressing myself.

[39:41]

And I remember quite clearly from this seat, looking over here at someone who's in the room today, when I was expressing myself in a way which was maybe controversial, a little finger pointing, a little I'm pissed off and I have a platform now to say what's been bugging me about some stuff that was happening at BVC, they looked at me with a great deal of surprise and wonder. But for me, it felt okay because we were in this room together. We were having an unspoken conversation just in that moment of eye contact. It was just a few feet away. If I trust the relationship, if I trust the relationship, then I feel more encouraged to say something. If I don't trust the relationship and it's not that close of a relationship, it's like, well, why bother?

[40:44]

It's not my job. But I think as much as I would like to have a system by which to, when to say and when not to say, I haven't been able to figure that out yet. So I kind of like Mel's expression, you know, you say something, then you duck. We have time for one more question. Dean. Thanks, Ross. Welcome. Horse one is out of the gate, except they're tied to horse two, three, and four. And then, okay, then horse two gets it. And then the three horses are pulling, and horse five is still saying it's not deep enough. My bones are not feeling it. And we all kind of have to figure out 70 mile an hour cars and fortunately there's an agreement to all go one way on one side.

[41:55]

So how do we work with and find generosity when we've kind of got to get across the intersection and this one horse is sitting down. And then the other one's up on its back feet going, you know. How do we find generosity Well now, I have a response to that. This is Dean Bradley. Dean Bradley is going to be our co-Saturday director coming very, very soon. And as Saturday director, she's going to have to tame all of these horses and have us all moving within the same kind of speed and pace and intensity and intention as best as we can.

[42:56]

And so your question is, how can you do that? How can we do that? I think for me, we have to know when to untie the slow horse as an act of compassion and give it a little bit more encouragement and correction on how to move along with the other horses. And we have to untie the fast beady horse and say, you know, we're a team here. Maybe you need to kind of rein it in a little bit so we all can be here together. It's one body, you know, it's one hand with many fingers. And all the fingers have to work. And we favor some fingers over others. Or okay, or high five, it's all different things, it's all one hand. So how do we want to express ourselves?

[43:58]

That's a Sojin Roshi teaching. How do you want to express yourself? I think about how do I want to be remembered? What's going to be on my epitaph? How do I want to be remembered? And knowing that we will make mistakes. I have made many, many mistakes. And tears flow really easy when bowing, when prostrating, because of the mistakes that we make. We make our best intention. We're here together. It's not just me. And we ask for feedback and encouragement. And if the relationship is close, then hopefully people will be honest and won't be too defensive and we can actually make this place hum along for another 50 years. It's been going on for 50 years. I'm sure there's been a lot of horses and all varieties and it's still going.

[45:04]

But it's a really good question because we're not practicing by ourselves in our apartment or our home. We're here in a community and we have all these decisions that need to be made in order for the practice to continue to flourish. And how do we honor different points of view and different places where people have come from? Some people coming from a very empowered position, they're like the first horse. Other people coming from a very diminished, wounded history, and they can't come forward in the same way. So how do we include everyone here? It's ongoing. And as you said, it's not a perfect, it's called a practice because it's a practice. It's not perfect. So we're practicing, we're not perfecting. That's Dean Bradley practicing perfection.

[46:09]

Thank you all again for your attention and questions and there'll be time outside to chat a little bit more about some of these points.

[46:22]

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