Good morning. Good morning. It's a lovely day out. Well, this is not where I expected to be today. I was supposed to go see Harry Potter with Sylvia and Alexander. And Sojan had to go to a wedding that he had forgotten or he hadn't known about. Not so many of you remember Grace Milligan, who used to live where Marion and Linda live up there. With her family. She was in junior high school and high school when she lived here. Now she's probably about 45.

[01:00]

No, she's actually... She's actually... I think she must be in her 30s. Anyway, she's getting married today. And, you know, Mel was really close with her, Mel and Liz both, when they were living here. They were all living here together. So he skipped out and asked me to give this talk. And Laurie was kind enough to forsake her spot in Sasheen and take the kids to the movies. Not a great hardship. So Paul came up. I sort of overheard him while I was napping after breakfast talking with Laurie, asking if I could talk about forms in Sasheen

[02:07]

and in our practice. And what they're about. Not so much the particularity as the mind with which we encounter them, do them, the spirit with which we enter them. Is that kind of what you had in mind? And I sort of was half asleep hearing this. And I just thought, oh, great. This is such a really helpful focus for me. So I've been thinking about that, what to share with you. And I think it's really useful as we're doing Sasheen today and also as Rohatsu Sasheen approaches to think about what is this practice,

[03:13]

how is it manifest in forms. And it occurs to me that Friday actually is the beginning of Ramadan. And I didn't quite realize that, but I felt a real pull on Friday to go to the mosque where my friend Yasir is the imam, which is actually right down here. It's Masjid al-Iman. It's on what is a king just past Children's Hospital and the entry to the freeway there. And when I got there, he was giving a talk about the spirit of Ramadan, which is a month of strict observances,

[04:14]

of fasting until the evening, and of a kind of intensification of practices, observances, of forms, and of surrender. It has a real resonance for me, particularly in the Sufi tradition that Yasir Chudli and his group practice. So it's a time for a kind of inner reflection and also a time for self-control, a sort of tune-up, pretty much like our practice period, a tune-up for spiritual lives. The strictness of the observances and the fasting

[05:19]

also create a kind of resonance with the suffering of other people. I mean, there are many people who are hungry not so much by choice, but by circumstance of their life, and in that sense it's sort of an expression of identity action. And also in that practice, the whole meaning of the word Islam means submission or letting go. So it's letting go of all notions of attachment to self. In that tradition, one is encouraged or one understands that self-aggrandizement means to an extent

[06:26]

putting yourself outside the circle of God, outside the acknowledgement that what they call Allah, what they call God, is larger than anything one could ever be and also encompasses one's life. So while we may not use that particular religious language and we don't observe those forms, there's something parallel at least. And it's interesting, at the mosque, they do use forms that are very much like they bow a lot and the form of the bowing is pretty similar to our forms. And when I'm there,

[07:29]

well, I confess, I really don't know what I'm doing and I don't know, the prayers are mostly in Arabic and so I don't understand them, but I just try to keep my eye on what people are doing and do the outward form as I see people doing. And sooner or later, if I choose to explore it more, then I'll ask questions about the meaning. But for now, the outward form of doing these bows, of standing, stand very close to each other and of the kind of fellowship and intimacy that you experience in that religious setting, that's what I try to understand.

[08:35]

And I think that that's a really useful approach to how we do our practice here. In a way, Soto Zen, in particular, like Islam and like Judaism, manifests in forms and practices of which Zazen is maybe the principal one. The teaching is essentially the same as in all other schools of Buddhism, but the intention to form is different, say, than in Theravada or Vajrayana or even Rinzai. There, sometimes there's a feeling,

[09:39]

well, the meditation is one thing and the observance is maybe something slightly different. That may be maligning them somewhat, but here, the meditation itself is also a form and a ritual. So as I said, today is Sashin and Rohatsu is coming up soon. And for these particular days, we live in this closed circle of form. We live by guidelines that are somewhat different than our usual way, our usual lives. I'm sure everybody, after Paul's announcement, everybody went out and read the guidelines. So we keep silence and try to contain ourselves and no unnecessary talking,

[10:43]

although actually, that's interesting, we're a little less strict with that rule than in some other Buddhist traditions. No reading or writing. We eat in a formal way and we sit in this kind of endless ceremony of Zazen. And it is, you know, it's a yoga, it's a particular posture and a form, and it's a ceremony. And it's a way of sort of teaching ourselves how to create an entire life that is a ceremony, that is a form, that is a ritual. And this is a little hard to, I think it's a little hard to accept

[11:45]

or get our mind around. So, you know, why do we do this? It's an odd thing to do on a really beautiful, sunny Sunday. And I think we do it, well, we like it, which is kind of odd. And to some extent, we think it's, you know, I think it's good for me, although I know if that were the only reason, I probably wouldn't be here. There's lots of other things that are good for us that we're probably not doing at the moment. I think it really is because we like it in some way. It's a relief.

[12:46]

We like it because it's a way of doing something that is timeless and sort of beyond birth and death. And this life that we live in Seixin is beyond birth and death. People have been doing it for hundreds of years. I have some faith that they'll be doing it for more hundreds of years. And in that way, we just put ourselves in that same form, in that continuing ritual of Zen practice. And it's something that is really beyond our preferences or our views or likes or dislikes. You know, it's interesting, last week,

[13:52]

I think it was one day last week in the morning, I just was really just kind of in a real, well, in a state, in a kind of snit. And my mind was just full of thoughts, and I sat here for the entire hour, and I sort of thought, well, maybe this is going to taper off. But it didn't. You know, it just, that's the way it was. I didn't like it, but I tried to hold the form, regardless of what was going on in my mind. And then somehow, somewhere later in the day, I was sitting again. Oh, I know, it was in the afternoon, and I had to come in after practice discussion to lead service,

[14:59]

and I sat for just 10 minutes. And just in those 10 minutes, everything dropped away. All of that kind of ceaseless activity of my mind that day fell away, and it was just a great relief. And there's no way to predict this, but by entering the form, we allow that to happen. We don't take them so much here, but we do in all of our ordinations, the pure precepts. Actually, we do in the Bodhisattva ceremony. At the beginning of the precepts, the 10 prohibitive precepts, we take the three pure precepts, which are vowing to avoid, avoid all evil, vowing to do all good, and vowing to save the many beings.

[16:03]

In the Theravada version, the third precept is, I think it's vowing to maintain a pure practice. I was thinking about this morning, Reb Anderson has a book on the precepts called Being Upright, which is actually quite good, and Lori worked on it. And I remember her giving me the first, we were talking about the pure precepts in Reb's version of it, and the first precept, and this is what he says, his translation of the Sotosen text was, instead of, I vow to avoid all evil, I vow to embrace and sustain forms and ceremonies. And I had a lot of trouble with that.

[17:06]

I just, I really resisted that. And it just really stayed with me. What is the relationship between, I mean, why did they refigure avoiding all evil, which seems really simple and straightforward, you know, it's like, well, I can understand that, to saying, I vow to embrace and sustain all ceremonies. And then the rest are the same, do good and save the many beings. It's just that first one. And I'm not going to answer that question. I'm going to leave it for you, I think. But what I felt for myself, I wanted to explore my resistance to this formulation. And in a way, I saw that it was a kind of resistance

[18:13]

to seeing my life as form or ritual, and really underneath that, wanting to preserve some zone of, what I might want to call freedom, or really freedom there, what I mean, not freedom in a Buddhist sense, but freedom to do what I want, to preserve the zone where I can do what I want, not live a life where the first precept is embracing forms and ceremonies. It's like, yikes, that seems pretty constricted. So we all have this deep desire to be free,

[19:16]

and also kind of the habit mind of, a kind of self-centered habit mind where we feel, well, I still want to preserve this zone of freedom. Yes, I'll do this, but, and I think this goes to how we do, we observe the forms. Sometimes there's an inclination to cut corners. It's like, I'll do all this, sort of up to this point, but then I'll sort of cut this corner, or, yeah, I really want to read this now, so I'll read it, and it won't hurt my Sashin or the spirit of Sashin. And I have to watch, I can't speak for you, I have to watch that. I had to watch it today.

[20:20]

What I really wanted to do was to, if I had to give the talk, which Mel asked me to do, was to sort of come in and do a couple periods and give the talk and go out and see Harry Potter. And he didn't say it, but in the conversation that I had with him, I realized, well, I guess I should do this whole day of Sashin, and I should let go, you know, I should not cut this corner, not to come in and give a talk like some carpetbag Zen preacher, but to do it wholeheartedly, which meant doing the whole day. And there are all kinds of ways in which we cut corners. We make a joke about,

[21:24]

kin-hin is not a break. We don't say that very much anymore, but it used to be kind of a watchword, and it's not. But there's this zone that we want to take for ourselves, and it's weird because it's even in the middle of doing something that we like to do. It's hard, but we like to do it. But even in the midst of doing something that we like to do, and this applies, if you look at your life, you'll see it applies elsewhere. You know, you could be in the middle of doing something that you really like to do, and just find yourself stepping outside of it for a moment. I don't know, but I won't say it. But you can think about the waywardness of your own mind in that way.

[22:28]

But it's also important to remember that the form is not the point. I want to be clear about that, that if you do this perfect zazen, sitting upright and everything is aligned, if you're doing that just with your body, and with some notion that it's really being done right, it's dead. There's no life in it. That the point is actually something simple. It's freedom and a kind of clarity and flexibility of your body and mind as one thing. It's seeing into the three marks of impermanence,

[23:36]

not-self, and suffering, and seeing into your resistance, and then breathing into this resistance and letting go of it again and again. And that's really where the hard work of studying ourself comes in, right at the point of that resistance. In this practice we have lots of rules and ways of doing things. We're also fortunate we have no... There's no concept of sin in zen, but we bring a lot of that with us. Those of us, most of us here, grew up in some Judeo-Christian setting where we've got plenty of notion of sin. But even when these rules are...

[24:46]

Even without sin, certain of the rules or activities at any given moment may appear meaningless. And ultimately they are meaningless. They're a kind of... The form is a kind of convention. It's a sort of social or social-spiritual contract, sort of like the rules of the road in driving. There may actually... There often actually is a reason for a form that we observe, a simple reason. It might be a simple or efficient way to do something, or it may be just a harmonious way

[25:50]

so that what we're doing, if what we're doing is trying to move together in a harmonious way, this is... It gives everybody a notion of how to do it, a shape to that. But beyond any kind of social contract, these forms are just a way that we can experience our participation in the whole total dynamic working of life, of what Dogen called zenki, which is translated nicely in one place as the whole works, with works having this wonderful ambiguous status as both noun and verb,

[26:52]

the whole works. And it works because we're working. If each one of us did things in our own way, or as we might say, like, the zendo would be a really confusing place. But it's also true, actually, each one of us does things in our own way. It's just that way is somewhat narrowed down so that you can really see it. It's like applying a scientific method to our bodies and minds so we outwardly recreate this form for sitting, this form for bowing, this form for eating, and so on. And in that, it gives us a realm for expression and inquiry.

[27:54]

And every time, it's different. It's like I was saying about my zazen on Wednesday morning and Wednesday afternoon. It was just really different at those different times and days. And each time it's different. Each time I sit down with my orioke, it's different. And it's also true that because the forms give a focus to our effort, we can see the sort of wonderful individual, sometimes idiosyncratic effort of those people around us, especially as we sit together. If we're sangha, if we're a community, and we sit together sesshin after sesshin, the activities of our neighbors' bodies really affect us.

[28:57]

They go in really deep. I remember certain people's bows from 20 years ago. I remember Katagiri Roshi's bow. I remember sitting also where, I think where Marion is sitting and across from me where Vivian is, this guy Tom Lomax. And I remember his bow. It's like deep in my body. I remember, I almost always think of this when people come around to pour water during the meal. I had a roommate here for a while named Steve Belsito, who some of you know. When he poured the water, he used to do a little spiraling thing. Is that right? He did a lot of things. Right. That's right. But somehow that spiraling of water around the bowl,

[30:02]

which is not necessarily our form, but there was no rule about it. So it was his individual expression, and I'll never forget that. All these little things, ways that each of us comes forth really affects us. And finally, the forms are an expression for something that Sojin said a couple months ago, which just really hit me when he said it. It was just one of those sort of turning words where he said, don't treat anything like an object, and that's the purpose. of these forms, so that you can be, we can be,

[31:05]

I can be completely subjective. In other words, whatever I'm doing, whatever I'm handling, and whoever I'm relating to is no other than myself. It's not something outside myself. And the forms are an expression for doing that. And when I was in Japan, about 11, 12 years ago, with Paul Disko, who was leading, we did a little practice period at Rinzowin, and before we went, he'd lived in Japan for quite a long time, and he gave us a talk about what to watch for and how to comport ourselves. And he said, when you go into town, the town that's just right down the road at the bottom of the hill from Rinzowin, watch the old ladies. You know, they'll meet on the street corner,

[32:09]

and they will sort of cheerfully bow, just kind of bow repeatedly to each other and talk about the weather, and their whole conversation may be nothing but, what a nice day it is, and oh yes, it's very nice, it rained last night, yes, it rained last night, just going back and forth and things that we would see as inconsequential and kind of not important. And he said, just watch their bodies, that this is the way they have of being intimate with each other and meeting each other. And when you looked at that, you could really see it, especially since we didn't have the language. And that's, they were acknowledging, they were letting each other into each other. And it was very, really, it's just very joyous.

[33:12]

And it's something we have some of in our culture, but not as much, it's really strong in that particular culture. So the Great Way, the Fourth Ancestor said, the Great Way is not difficult if only one avoids picking and choosing. So the question is how to do each form completely, whether we like it or not, whether it makes sense or not. I think that's the essence of Soto Zen training. Oh, I disturbed a spider. Oh, it's off. The essence of this training is to taming the ox or sometimes it's worse, coaxing the bull out of the china shop before it wrecks even more china. And this kind of training is not necessarily for everybody.

[34:14]

But I assume if you're here, you have some taste for it. And so it sort of behooves us to practice wholeheartedly, and that means even when one is not wholehearted. How do you do that? Putting yourself into it, even when you may have reservations. Avoiding picking and choosing doesn't mean you're not going to dislike something. It means what do you do about the things that you like and dislike. So I'd like to make a couple of suggestions and then open up for a little discussion. So first of all, try to contain one's actions and words

[35:22]

irrespective of liking or disliking. And sometimes they call this not leaking. In other words, you may have this like or dislike, but don't project it on somebody else. You know, just contain it so that you can see what it's really about. You can see the source of your own doubt or fear or uncertainty. And sometimes, you know, somewhere down the line, whether it's an hour or a day or a week, there may be something that needs to be said or done. But particularly as it comes up in Sashin, which is just this, it's pretty simple and straightforward here. So it's a really good opportunity to contain that

[36:27]

and just to practice holding your feelings and seeing where they lead. I think it's also important to observe the power and kind of the slippery power of our habit mind and our preferences. And I see that all the time in myself, just how strong these preferences come up and how they want to express themselves in some way that kind of wants to veer off in my own path. It's not, you know, or my own whatever, my own dream. Not so much a path always. I don't want to glorify it that much.

[37:28]

But just to observe the, it's just kind of miraculous, the force of this and how slippery it is. And it's also kind of wonderful because it means I'm alive. But watch it. And part of the containment, part of the silence is to allow you actually, allow us to see our minds. Then you can also look at, you know, if you've managed to get beyond the resistance. And this is really, you know, it's interesting. I remember when I first started to sit Seshin, I would, you know, kind of really go out like a kind of kid the night before Seshin and look at the job postings and see what job I had. You know, and if it was a certain job, I would say, oh, I don't like that job. You know, I don't want to do that. Or if it's another job, I'd say, oh, great,

[38:33]

that's really what I wanted. I really wanted to be Kokyo or Doan. You know, I didn't want to be the bathroom monitor or the timekeeper, you know, have to get up every period, you know. Although if you're suddenly the timekeeper, you've also got to look at your watch, you know. And I would make all these judgments. And what I'm suggesting is even if you have that, to see how the actual doing of the activity or the observing of the form in the doing of it is different from the idea we have about it or the anticipation of it, it usually is. Any experience in life is different from what we think it's going to be. And if you just allow yourself to know, if you know that in advance, it's very helpful because then it allows you to not get caught by that idea in advance.

[39:34]

And then allow our appreciation or even our love for each other and even our love for the form itself to arise in the activity. You know, this is a very complex thing that we do. Even one day, you know, just think, you know, so you have been session director, you know, or have had any position, you're a cook or dishwasher, you just see how much is involved in it and you see how many people it takes to do this very simple, you know, sitting facing the wall and how the forms we have create a structure for that so that we can actually do this and appreciate each other. And so you can allow that appreciation to rise. And then after the fact, after session,

[40:40]

whether it's in training or just in conversation, if there's something that we want to know about a particular form, what is it about, you can talk with each other or talk with a practice leader, talk with a teacher and explore it, find out what it means. You know, I've talked with my friend Yasir at the mosque and, you know, I said, well, you know, pretty soon I want to sit down with you and find out what it is that's being done in that setting. And there's a time for that. So I'd like to encourage people to do that. And finally, there's also a spirit of repentance in our Zazen.

[41:50]

Zazen and the practice of forms is a vehicle for the kind of formless repentance that's a way of life. I'm full of faults and I find myself failing over and over in small ways, sometimes in big ways, making mistakes, doing things that are hurtful. And this repentance is a very deep spirit in our Zazen and in Sashin. Not so much with words, but with our action and intention, we are acknowledging and avowing our ancient twisted karma.

[42:53]

And the spirit in which we do this, a kind of kindly understanding of what we lack or what our faults are or what my failures have been, we allow that to penetrate our life and our very relationships with each other become different when we do that. And when we can do that, practice in that spirit, we have a kind of handle and actually attending to and healing the deep suffering of our nation and other nations and the world. And we do that inside out.

[44:01]

We begin here, begin with ourself, we begin with this room, and it goes out to the world and then it comes back in. It just opens and closes, expands and contracts. And that is pretty much the spirit in which we can enter each form, each practice, and each period of Zazen. So we have a few minutes for questions or comments. Paul? Thank you very much for talking about that subject. Do you think, I guess, when you're talking about seeing your faults, I think that being, you said, to do it in a friendly way is pretty important for me and for a lot of people

[45:03]

who tend to judge themselves very harshly. So I'm really trying hard to learn to forgive myself for those things at the same time, and then the repentance isn't guilt. It really is a heart opening, kind of a thing that feels cleansing rather than making you feel dirty, which is guilt sort of feels very crummy. Right. Well, I think that guilt... for some reason it's bringing to mind the notion of original sin. You know, when I was talking about no sin in Zen, it's actually that serious. And I think for many of us, that guilt that we feel for our actions

[46:03]

or our unskillful actions or hurtful come back to this deeply held and sometimes unseen notion that we are, that there's something wrong with us. You know, that we've been bad from the beginning. I may be taking this too far. But, you know, the Buddhist perception is actually we're good from the beginning. And that wants to keep rising, you know, to the extent that we can have that spirit that you were mentioning. That was a wonderful talk, Al. Thank you. One thing I find helpful is noticing my changing attitude or attitude towards the fault. You know, it's a way of checking my progress.

[47:05]

Even though progress is not particularly Zen-like work. And what brought to mind was a very funny incident some years ago, the first time I was Sashin Kokyo. I was so terribly anxious about doing a good job, I'm not so anxious anymore, that I started, after just the first bowl had been served, I started the chant to start eating. And you were sitting directly across from me and you went, you mouthed the words, Two more bowls. So, it's one of those. That I'll never forget, because it was this great pantomime, and people started to chant and they knew they weren't supposed to, it was a big mess. And I felt so terrible. So, I look back on things like that

[48:06]

and it's just a good checkpoint. You know, how we felt when we first came in here and realized we had to flop to the floor on our knees. And how we feel about it now. You know, and what has changed. So. Thank you. First I just wanted to say that I think it's important to note that the Christian faith fundamentally very much asserts that we are God's children and we are good. And that is a distortion to think otherwise. I just wanted to kind of clarify that. Thank you. But I also noticed that as far as forms go, I notice sometimes folks get really attached to forms and get very wrapped up in that. But what I notice in myself is that I get attached to judging that as bad or something.

[49:09]

So, do you have suggestions for how to let go of letting go of form? How to let go of letting go? First I have to understand what that sentence means. I know, I understand what you're talking about. But just something about the formulation of how to let go of letting go of forms. Boy, our minds are just so complicated, you know. Well, I know exactly what you're talking about. And I'm not sure what to do beyond thinking, bringing to mind when that thought comes up, this person is doing the best they can, you know. They're really trying. They're trying to do something. You may think it's mistaken. It may be mistaken. But they're really trying to do the best. And try to keep in mind, you know,

[50:19]

just the way-seeking nature that each of us has. That's actually what I try to do. Because, you know, the name that I have, my Dharma name, Kuchiki, Mel gave me. He usually gives you two names, you know. A way name, which is kind of how you are seen. And then this Dharma name, it's the second one of our pair of names. So Kuchiki is formless form. And usually he gives you that name because it's something you need to work on. And for me it was at the point at which I had lay ordination, he was seeing this attachment to form that I wanted to get it right, that I wanted other people to get it right. And, you know, we had a conversation about it

[51:25]

when I got the name. So I may have swung, sometimes I feel I swung too much in the other direction, but no question. A couple more. There's a spider right there. Right here? Which side? That side. This side? Yeah. Is it still there? I think he's happy. Oh. This is my friend. This is my, what's the word for... Familiar? Yeah, right, exactly. Paul? Sometimes I feel that the form of our ceremony is worship of an idol, or that the idea of... I mean, I think there is something in the way that we organize our form

[52:28]

that we're worshiping something that I really don't feel I'm worshiping. I think that one of my goals is to experience nothingness, or to experience nothing. And rather than... I try to supplicate a Buddha who's going to somehow be aware of my existence. I don't feel that at all. I mean, I don't know if that's... I don't think that's what most people do, but I think that the form of sitting in here with a statue in front of us is something that appears to be that kind of a ceremony.

[53:29]

Well, I don't know what nothingness or nothing means to you. I don't think that's the object of the practice. I think the practice, actually, is to sit with everything, and that everything is co-creating everything else. And to look into emptiness... Emptiness is about interdependence. Emptiness is about emptiness of any particular self nature, but not like this big hole in the universe and that that's the truth. The truth is total dynamic working. And the truth is we have conventions. This Buddha is a convention. If it's troublesome to you or to some people, that's something difficult to work with.

[54:41]

Other old Zen teachers would take it and throw it in the fire. I don't want to do that. They're not easy to come by. But also to realize that you are the Buddha, and I've heard you say that. This is not lip service. This is true. And it's just... We could put a mirror up there instead of that image. But by convention, with respect to our teachers, this is what we do. But it's really a reflection. One more. Peter. This is not actually on the topic, but I was raised Catholic, and hearing what Diana said, I'm wondering if the concept of original sin, which I never really understood, isn't anything different from beginningless greed, hate, and delusion.

[55:48]

It might be, in a mystical interpretation. Most religious traditions exist on more than one level. They exist on a mundane observance level, in much the way that we observe the forms. And they exist in a mystical and deep level that's transcendent, where the very words that would have a particular meaning, something like original sin, are actually turned inside out in just the way that you're suggesting. It makes it less of a personal thing. Yeah. It's there, and our job is to somehow not get caught by it, but it's always there, it always will be there. Right, and it echoes for us with

[56:49]

beginningless greed, hate, and delusion. I think that's right. Okay, one more. Then how do you explain Jesus come and take away our sin? I don't know. Diana? You want me to say? Sure. He taught the way for us to be free of our greed, hate, and delusion. That's mine. I think this is a deeper and longer discussion to go into another time. We have the Buddhist-Christian dialogue. Okay, thank you. Beings are numberless. Beings are numberless.

[57:36]

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