So you're in work situation, you're feeling separate from others, and do you think of something beneficial to do that you feel you can't do? Is that the example you're talking about? And you feel frustrated? Do you feel frustrated because you'd like to do something beneficial but you don't see the opportunity or the conditions for the beneficial action that... So you maybe offer the possibility of doing something which you feel would be beneficial, and you're not met. And that's frustrating? Right.

[01:02]

Okay. So, and then, and you feel bad about that. And that's painful. And then, yeah, so that's painful. So what's the practice in that case? I think the practice is patience with the pain of doing something that would be helpful. But for whatever reasons, the conditions aren't there. And some conditions are more painful than others. Like just non-personal factors that aren't coming together to make possible some beneficial action, those might not be as painful as when people don't seem to be wanting to help. That's even more painful sometimes. In that case, that's the situation, and what's beneficial in that case probably is to practice patience with the pain of the conditions not being ripe for a beneficial action.

[02:05]

Withdrawing, you know, or like giving up... I don't know what giving up, but withdrawing I think is a little different than letting go of the beneficial thing. If you think of a beneficial thing and someone rejects it and it hurts you, it's probably because there was some attachment to doing that beneficial thing. You keep looking away from the hole, don't you say?

[03:19]

Well, so there's a key, okay? So I guess I would recommend not looking away from the whole in order to avoid experiencing the pain of the fact of not being able to interact with that in some way that you think would be beneficial. So now, many people are now, we're all in the situation now where we have a war going on, and there might be some tendency to look away from the whole and concentrate upon something we can do right here that would be helpful. So this weekend we're having this retreat, and hopefully we can do something helpful during this retreat. But I would recommend that we not look away from the whole while we're here, that we realize that there's other realms, hierarchical realms, where things are happening that are very troubling to millions of people, but to turn away from that because it's painful to be aware of it, I think will undermine what we're doing here.

[04:40]

But we have to practice patience otherwise we won't be able to stand to be open to the big picture. So sometimes I have to just take care of my own little area while I see those other realms within the Buddhist community or the national community or the world community where things are going in a way that I feel a lot of pain about. but I don't see what I can do. I have some ideas, even, but nobody seems to pick up on my ideas. At the next, you know, in the next ring out, I think, well, this might be helpful, but people aren't, it isn't working. But before, you know, maybe I feel pain about the situation before, and then I have something I think would be helpful, and then I feel more pain now that I'm rejected. So I'm rejected, so I deal with that.

[05:44]

And then maybe here I can do something here, close at hand, that I think is beneficial. But I'm still feeling the pain about what I can't reach. But I think that if I turn away from the pain of what I can't reach, that that undermines the way I take care of what I can reach. Because then I start feeling tight and confined even in my little work. Whereas actually you can feel expansive in your little job, your small thing that you're working on. You can feel expansive and not like you're pushing away these other rounds. Because you're open to that pain of your limitation. You know, sometimes I feel like the Zen Center is like having, to me, sometimes I feel like Zen Center is like having an adolescent child.

[06:54]

What Zen Center has to go through, the community, sometimes seems like what a teenager has to go through. And they have to go through it. And it's painful to watch, but there's nothing I can do. I don't like it, but I don't like to leave the teenager, just because it's not doing what I think would be more beneficial to it. That's in a Buddhist community. And then the same in other realms too, you know. I don't like the way it's going, it's painful, but I can see that I have to go through it, and I'm not going to abandon it just because it's going through this difficulty. But it's painful, just like if you have a child, it's painful to watch your child go through these very painful situations, which you can also see the reasons why they're painful, and if they would be different, then it wouldn't be so painful. It's very difficult, but you can't do anything to change it. But what you can do is you can stay there and not run away, and not take your heart back.

[08:03]

And that's a lot. I think I mentioned, some of you have heard me mention this before, I know this I know this woman who works quite a bit with prisoners in prison, and she actually has formed a very important relationship with a prisoner. And she asked this prisoner, she said, when you were young and you were heading towards a life of crime, did you know it? And he said, yeah, I could see I was heading towards a life of crime. I said, if some loving adult would have told you, you know, you're heading towards a life of crime, you better stop, would it have stopped you? He said, no. Matter of fact, some did. I said, well, what could they have done to help? He said, they could have loved me. They couldn't have stopped me. I knew where I was going, and I was going there.

[09:06]

I didn't want to go to prison, even though I knew that was the consequences, possibly. But I did want to do these crimes. And nobody could stop me, even someone who loved me a great deal, who told me what might happen, even who asked me not to, I wouldn't have stopped. But if they had been there with me and loved me while I was on my way to a life of crime, that would have helped me right now. And as a matter of fact, some people did love me while I was on this track to hell. And the fact that they loved me while I was on my way to hell is helping me now that I'm in hell. It's very helpful to me. Now I'm ready to not go towards crime. Now I did it. I ate 647 pieces of candy, and now I'm in hell. But now, since they loved me, I know there's some other possibility. And now I don't want to be a criminal anymore.

[10:07]

And when I get out of prison, I don't have to do that anymore, I don't think. But that was very helpful to me, that they loved me, even though they couldn't stop me from doing these things, which they didn't want me to do. But they didn't stop loving me, even though I was doing something which they didn't want me to do and which was very harmful to me. So, if we're in an organization, if we love all the beings in the organization, and love, basically, love the organization, that we don't like what it's doing, it still grabs our head, maybe, and does this thing, and makes this big mistake. the organization or the person. But after they make the mistake and get the consequences, the fact that we were there loving them even though they were doing something we didn't like, then it will register. And loving in this case is the same as loving ourselves while we are doing things in our own mind which we don't like. But we still have to like do them

[11:07]

and after we do them and experience the consequences, we remember the love will still be there. But the love is what makes it possible for us to stay somewhat awake as we make our mistakes. If we're making mistakes, it's much easier just to make them unconsciously than to make them consciously. Don't you think? much more comfortable. To be aware that you're making a mistake is so embarrassing and you feel so stupid. Here I am doing this wrong thing again. It's much easier just to say, do it. The consequences are pretty much the same. The consequences might be slightly, I don't know, but basically the bad action is bad action. But I take it back. The consequences are not the same when you're aware. They're not the same. But your awareness is not so much so that they won't be the same.

[12:09]

Your awareness is so that they can just... Not so much that the consequences will be changed, but so that you won't do it anymore, period. And finally, the point is that you won't be doing anything anymore. That you'll disappear, and there will just be the whole universe here. That's what awareness can do. But it has to be loving awareness because it's a partly bitter job. It's a painful job. And if there's not love, it's just too hard. Buddha's standing next to you all the time. Just hold Buddha's hand and face what you're doing. That's what I do. It's the delusion of karma. Learn what it's about and you'll become free of it.

[13:12]

The basic principle is intimacy with X equals freedom from X. Intimacy with karma Freedom from karma. Freedom from karma means also... Intimacy with karma means intimacy with delusion that is at the base of karma. Intimacy with delusion at the base of karma is freedom from that delusion. The delusion of the separate powerhouse. The all-powerful individual isolated self. Yes! That doesn't mean you can't say yes anymore. It just means you realize that the whole universe raises the hand and the whole universe animates the body.

[14:18]

Want to do some walking meditation? Well, there's, again, there's three kinds of, three broad categories of action. Skillful or wholesome, beneficial, unskillful, harmful, and indeterminate. In some cases, it's hard to say whether it's, for example, you might think...

[15:28]

Perhaps washing your face is oftentimes beneficial, but sometimes, you know, if you just wash your face a few minutes ago, it may not be too helpful to wash it again. You might be wasting time or avoiding some other work you need to do. So it's not really bad to wash your face usually, but sometimes it's questionable whether it's really helpful. Other times it's really good to wash your face. Also brushing your teeth, you know. It's usually good to brush your teeth, but if you brush them too much, but sometimes you don't know. Maybe I brushed my teeth enough today, I'm not sure. So in cases like that, if you want to do something, but you're not, and you think it might not be bad, it might not be good, but you want to do it, Maybe okay to do it and just be aware and learn from that, learn from the, from how it goes.

[16:36]

But there's quite a few things that are, like again, just going over there to smell the flowers might be good, probably not bad, but not necessarily good. But if you wanted to, Probably okay. Now, if you think it really is bad, then it's probably not a good idea. And if you think it is good, well, good. Give it a try. Maybe you're wrong, but you'll find out. But generally speaking, if you think something's good, go right ahead and give it a try. Now, sometimes you think something's good, but you still want to check. Maybe ask some other people what they think, because it's really important and you want to be sure. that you got as much information as you can practically get. And then if you get confirmation of your sense as good, then go ahead. Even so, in some cases we find out we're wrong.

[17:42]

But the point is we're trying to be helpful. So sometimes you get more and more skillful at something that you originally thought was good, but you get maybe even more skillful at doing it. Sometimes you may do something that's good, but you can get better at doing it. So you get better and better. Okay? Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. Yes. Uh-huh. Yeah. How do you control the reactions?

[19:04]

Well, you just said it's a knee jerk, so you can't control it, right? No, but that's it as far as controlling the reaction, is that you can't control the reaction. Reactions, if they don't occur, they don't occur, and if they do occur, they do occur. There's nothing, control isn't the issue. I feel. Especially in modern day, you know, imperial America. You know, we're controlling the whole world from here, you know. We're the control champions. And we're not in, I don't see us being very good at control. Most people are scared to death in trying to control, but I don't see people being very successful at it. Like me with the candy. It wasn't a matter of controlling myself.

[20:05]

I couldn't control myself. I was doing this stupid thing, eating this candy. Couldn't control myself. Right? I was just wondering if there was an abstract knowledge. I was conscious of it. I was conscious of it. But anyway, whatever the factors were, I was doing this thing. It wasn't that particularly good. It wasn't that bad either. yeah well i was trying the candy okay you're saying the reasons for it right what i'm saying is that i that i i wasn't in control and right i don't think i was in control was that

[21:17]

So then what I've done, would I have controlled myself to not eat the candy? Yes. Right, but it's not, yes, but it's not because of control, it's because of awareness. It wasn't because of control that I stopped eating the candy. It was because of awareness. I didn't stop myself anymore from eating the candy. I wasn't controlling myself anymore. I just didn't want it. As long as you want something, basically you can't stop yourself. You can try to stop yourself, but when you stop yourself, that's because you wanted to stop yourself. I don't think control is really where it's at. I think it's an illusion. I think we come from our understanding.

[22:29]

If we think something's good and we want to do it, we do it. If we think something's bad and we want to do it, we do it, basically. We do what we want. But sometimes we don't want to do a bad thing And we don't. And sometimes we want to do a good thing, and we do. But we want to do things based on our understanding. And if you bring awareness to these situations that you can't control, the awareness transforms your relationship to this uncontrollable situation. Like a family. Our families are pretty much the same as our mind. out of control. And like, you know, at Zen Center, sometimes if you say to somebody, could I say something to you? Which means, you know, can I say something difficult to you?

[23:31]

People say, okay, or what is it? Or, you know. But in your family, you say, can I say something to you? And they say, no. Could I give you some feedback? No. Can I ever give you any feedback? No. In your family, you'll only be able to give feedback in your family when you're pretty much enlightened. But before that, they don't want to hear from you, anybody but you, especially a mother or father. Of course, there's occasional breaks in that. If you practice for 30 or 40 years, occasionally they might want to hear something from you. Because 30 or 40 years, you haven't been saying anything. So you haven't given me feedback for 30 years. You know, go ahead and give me... Let's see what you have to say. Okay, that's the last time for 30 years. So these are really difficult situations, these family situations, these habits we have, these strong habits.

[24:38]

So what do we do in those situations? Awareness. Awareness in the knee-jerk situations. What do you do when your blood pressure's way up? What do you do when they press the buttons? Awareness. Live with the pain. [...] But live with the pain skillfully, which is called patience. Which is called make yourself comfortable with the pain. There's still pain, but there's a way to make yourself comfortable with it called patience. So that even though people are sticking those things into you at those tended places that they know so well, just saying exactly the thing that will get you, you have a way to take care of yourself when you're being tortured. Intentionally tortured by these people who you love so much.

[25:45]

And they're helping you They're stimulating you to develop this great skill called patience, which you can't develop except with their help. So your family is so helpful to your practice because they can get you in ways that nobody else can. A daughter can get a mother the way nobody else can. Nobody can get a mother like a daughter. A son can get a mother like nobody can get a mother but a son, and so on. So they get you. They get you right where it hurts. But then you get to try to practice patience with the most painful thing that there can be. The pain that parents deal with their kids, there's no pain greater. So there it is. And that's why a lot of people don't have kids. and go off and be celibate monks because they aren't up for the great challenge of being a parent.

[26:50]

They say, I can't practice being a parent. I can't. Look what happened with my parents. They couldn't practice. They just freaked out all the time and just got angry and beat us up or, you know, did whatever they did. So they get you. The buttons are pushed. It's the big wave coming. You've got to practice patience. Throughout this whole Eightfold Path, you have to practice patience every step of the way. You're uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable until you're comfortable. You're uncomfortable until you're enlightened. You're uncomfortable until everybody's enlightened. You have to go round and round this circle one hundred, one thousand, one million times, and every time, all the way around, there's discomfort. Because either you don't understand or people you care about don't understand.

[27:54]

So, if you can be patient, you can be on your seat of enlightenment. Your seat of enlightenment is the seat in the middle of your life, in the middle of your pain. That's where you get enlightened. If you can't sit at that seat, you can't be enlightened. You can't be enlightened a few feet off to the side of your body. You can't be enlightened sort of living in your neighbor's house. You have to live in your house, in your family, in your body, with your pain, and practice patience and awareness there. And then you transform. Control, if you want it, you know, people can't control themselves from, you know, they can't stop themselves from trying to control. You can't stop yourself from trying to control.

[28:59]

You can't control that either. But as a Zen teacher said, a monk asked a Zen teacher, when things are coming at you from all directions at once, then what? And the teacher said, give up trying to control. Not give up control, give up trying to control. You don't have any control to give up. Give up trying to control. Everything that comes at you is the Buddha's teaching. Most people, most Buddhists don't really accept that. They think, oh, this is Buddhist teaching, that's Buddhist teaching, but that's not. They're deciding what's Buddhist teaching. What's the difference between control and intention?

[29:59]

What's the difference between control and intention? Well, like if I want to... If I want to... touch you. If I want to touch you, that's not necessarily trying to control anything. Yes. Yes. We're talking about intention, and I now have the intention to practice right speech. Yes, let's say I have the intention to practice right speech. Yes? Yes. Intention is not, yeah, intention is different from control. It's volition, yeah. Right? You can say that.

[31:06]

You just did. What's wrong with it? What's wrong with saying that? What did you just say and what was wrong with it? But what did you say? You said? Yes, if you speak harshly to someone, yes. so you intend not to speak harshly and then you do yes yeah just like you did before No. No. You intended to speak gently and kindly, but you're not in control, so you spoke harshly and cruelly, because you're not in control.

[32:17]

People want to be kind, and then they're mean, because they're not in control. If we were in control, why would we just tune in, I'll be a Buddha, and just let it go at that? I'll always be kind to people. I'll never be selfish. And I'll always be happy. And anything else you want to add to the list, let me know. And we'll just say, we'll do all those things, and since we're in control, then that will be so. Right? But we're not in control. Like when I was a kid, when I was 13 years old, I was sitting in my house one day, and I just saw, just had this little vision, and I said, oh, if I would just be kind to everyone, I wouldn't have any problems anymore. It is true. And I went to school the next day intending to just be kind to everyone and not have any problems like I usually had in school with these kids. These wonderful kids. But as soon as I opened the door, I forgot that I wanted to be kind because here's all these cute girls, you know, and here's all these bears who are competing with me and

[33:29]

I can't remember. Be kind, remember? That's when you get into all this stuff, like all that stuff, not about being kind, but about getting people to be kind to me. And do they like me? And who are they looking at? That's what seems to be important. Like if you're thinking of being kind to a person and you see them and they're looking at somebody else, that's not really a problem. You can be kind to them when they're looking at somebody else. You know, the issue isn't that they're looking at you and saying, oh, hi, mister. Aren't you just the most interesting thing in this hallway? If you're concerned about those things, then when you go into high school, you're miserable pretty much the whole day, except those rare moments when they do look at you. And then they stop, and then you're miserable again. But I could see that if I just was being kind to people, I wouldn't have any problems.

[34:35]

But as soon as I got to school, I forgot. I wasn't in control. Right? I couldn't remember what I knew. How do you remember? By awareness. Awareness. I want to be kind, I forgot. [...] And then start remembering. It's through awareness that the intention... It's through awareness of, I wanted to do this and I did it and it wasn't that nice. I didn't want to do it and I did it and it wasn't that bad. I actually was kind to somebody for a few minutes, and just as good as I thought it would be. I forgot, and it was just as bad as I thought it would be.

[35:36]

But going over and over, our mind is transformed. So, you know, the next phase of the practice, the next practice is right intention. And the Buddha said, I, prior to being Buddha, I noticed that when my intention was wrong... it led to pain and suffering for myself and for others. The Buddha actually made some mistakes. Quite a few, probably. But he could see, when I act out of attachment, ill will and cruelty, I suffer and they suffer. But when I acted out of non-attachment, and kindness and gentleness, things went well. So gradually I abandoned, I think sometimes they even translate, destroyed the ill will, cruelty, and attachment.

[36:39]

But again, in modern day, I think destroy is the wrong word. I think what happens actually is that when you see the pattern, as you watch these patterns, you change because you're a person who is now watching this stuff rather than just doing it unconsciously. The fact that you're conscious of something that you used to do unconsciously, you're already a different person. And at first you feel worse than you used to because you used to do it unconsciously. You used to be mean to people, not even notice what happened to them. He used to insult them, and they would stagger off down the hall and bump into the wall, and you wouldn't even notice. You start to notice, well, what's the matter with that person? Well, you just wrecked them. You just crushed them by what you said. I did? Well, this isn't nice to learn, but I did? Yeah, well, it looks that way. Go ask him, did that hurt you what I just said?

[37:43]

Yeah. It really did. Oh. Well, this doesn't feel good to find out, but... But I need to find out. And then I hurt somebody else, and [...] gradually, I start to understand. And I change. I change. And then I gradually stopped being so mean. But not by trying to control myself. Hold back, hold back, hold back, hold back. You know what happened when you did that? You hold back, you hold back. You restrain that thing. You restrain it. It just comes out all the stronger later. What you've got to do is you've got to, I'm not saying let it go. I'm just saying you can't restrain it, really. But you can watch it. If you can restrain it, then you didn't want to do it. But if you watch it over and over, you will change.

[38:48]

Anybody who hurts another person over and over and watches it and watches the other person over and over will gradually break down and stop it. But that means you have to open up and look at them. You have to watch the person wince in pain. You have to see their tears on their face from what you do. If you don't notice it, you can do it indefinitely. But to be aware of somebody else and to be aware of how they look and feel means you open your heart, which means you start to open your eyes. So the Buddha said, over and over, I saw these things led to pain and suffering, these things led to happiness, and then pretty soon the things that lead, pretty soon anyway, someday, the things that lead to pain and suffering get dropped. And you switch to non-attachment, kindness, and non-cruelty, non-harming.

[39:53]

Loving kindness, wishing people well rather than ill, when you see how that poisons you to wish them ill. and your intention it's transformed through awareness not control uh... shelby what about the person being hurt You mean, what about me if I'm being hurt? I practice patience. That's basically it. And, yeah. And if I practice patience with the hurt that I experience in my relationship with others, and if I practice patience with that, I start to gradually... Energy comes up in me, because practicing patience means that you stop trying to run away from the pain you feel.

[41:04]

So energy comes up, and with that energy, enthusiasm comes. And with enthusiasm, enthusiasm to continue to practice patience, and then, what other good things could you practice? But did I go too far? So that's how you take care of yourself when you're being hurt. You practice patience. That protects you and develops your energy and enthusiasm. And eventually, you'll understand why how come you feel hurt? Some of us, I guess, are physically abused by people, but we're also verbally abused, and we're abused by other kinds of negotiations or manipulations that they do, or decisions they make. Sometimes we're We're abused by people just by them not liking us. In fact, sometimes we feel abused by someone that they like someone else better than us.

[42:07]

Anyway, people are difficult for us and we feel pain in relationship to them. But really they're just, they're helping us. They're poking at us to get us to practice patience and to understand that the thing is not so much what are they doing to us, but what can we do for them? How can we help them is the path to happiness. Being concerned with whether they like me or whether they're being nice to me or not is the path of misery. Being concerned with how I can help them is the path of happiness. But it's hard to think of how you can help someone while they're hurting you. But if you can practice patience really well, you can think of how to help them while they're hurting you. Does that make sense?

[43:15]

It's rather advanced practice, you know, while someone's hurting you, to think, now what can I do for them? I mean, especially if it really hurts. Sometimes people are trying to hurt you and they're unsuccessful, and at that time you sometimes can think about what to do to help them. You know, they're trying to hurt you, but it doesn't really hurt. You think, now, they're trying to hurt me, it doesn't really hurt, but I can see they're trying to hurt me. I want to know what I can do to help them. But when they actually get to you, at that time, oh, what can I do to help this person? How can I help them? It's quite easy. It's quite easy to slug them, maybe. Somehow we're able to do something, but what we're able to do often is to strike back. Or maybe to hit ourselves a couple more times. That's another thing you can do. But to come back with, how can I be helpful while I'm being skewered?

[44:20]

This is very advanced, but this is what the Buddha does. helping while being tortured or killed. This is called indestructible happiness. Go ahead. Control and what was the other thing? Intention, yes. Yes. Well, I would say, I'm not saying don't control your intention. I'm just saying, I don't think you can control your intention. I haven't been able to control my intentions. And I don't know anybody who controls their intentions.

[45:29]

So if somebody presses your button and you think you can control your intention in response to that, you said maybe you want to press theirs back. Well, I don't think you can control it. You just want to do it or you don't. I think it's not a control thing. That's what I think. I think if somebody presses my button and I don't want to do it back to them, then I don't. But I can't control that. And if I do want to do it back, I can't stop myself from feeling that way. I do. But if I do that, if they hurt me and I think about wanting to hurt them and I'm aware, that awareness will transform me. So, the In unwholesome situations, a lot of the times our reaction to them, our reaction to unwholesome situations or unwholesome actions towards us, our reaction is often what's called symmetrical.

[46:34]

You're unwholesome with me, you're unskillful with me, I'll be unskillful with you. It really, what is it, two wrongs don't make a right. But we often think that, right? You hurt me, I'll get back at you, I'll hurt you back. So sometimes that's the way you feel. I don't think that's really a control thing. If you can not do it, fine, don't do it if you don't want to. But I think if you're aware of they hurt me, I do the same thing back, that didn't help. They hurt me, I did the same thing back, that wasn't good. They hurt me, I did the same thing back, that was stupid. They hurt me, I did the same thing back, I don't want to do that anymore. They hurt me. I did it anyway. They hurt me. I did it anyway. I don't want to, though. How come I'm still doing it? Because it's a habit. They hurt me. I did it again. I'm still doing it. It's a strong one. They hurt me. I did it again.

[47:37]

Boy, it's a strong one. They hurt me. I'm going to stop this. I didn't. They hurt me. I really want to stop it. I am going to stop it. I did it again. They hurt me. It didn't come. I didn't do it. It's over. They hurt me. Oh, there it comes again. They hurt me. It's over. It didn't happen. And you change. You change by watching this unfortunate pattern of behavior. You watch it over and over and over and over. This is the practice of learning right intention. You don't just suddenly turn on right intentions, OK? Now, I have some tendency for attachment, ill will, and cruelty. I'll just turn it to non-attachment, loving kindness, and non-harm. That's not the practice of right intention.

[48:41]

The practice of right intention is you hear about, you hear stories about somebody who was non-attached, the Buddha. You hear about somebody who had practiced loving-kindness even when being tortured. You hear about somebody who practiced non-harm when being harmed. In other words, you hear stories of the Buddha and the Buddha's disciples who are being harmed and they come back with not the symmetrical response but the complementary response. Harmed, come back with love. Here will, come back with love. Attachment, come back with non-attachment. Take their stuff, they say, here, here's some more. This is called conversion. This is called converting people, attracting people to the practice. This is what a person can become. This is called a person who practices, who has realized right intention. that no matter what you do to them, they come back with non-attachment, love and kindness, and non-harm or non-violence.

[49:49]

You can't get them to be violent. They won't. They don't know how anymore. But they used to know how. And they'll watch themselves do it over and over and over and over. So for many of us, the practice of right intention means we watch our wrong intentions You watch wrong intentions come up in your mind. Attachment of cruelty and ill will. You watch them come up in your mind. And also previously, under right view, you watch delusions come up in your mind. So right view focuses on delusions, and right intention focuses on greed and hate. So right view, you look at the delusion, the basic delusion of your life. Me and them. Me and them. Pain. Me and them, pain. Me and them, anxiety. Me and them, fear. Me and my thoughts, anxiety.

[50:51]

Me and my karma, anxiety. We watch that. And this is how we overcome delusion. Then we move into our intentions to get and to reject. We study, we study, we study. And as we study, we become transformed. You can try to control yourself. And if you do... Fine. And if you don't, study. But even if you do control yourself, study too. Study, observe, study, observe. Everything you do. And the person who doesn't study is one kind of a person. The person who studies is another kind of a person. If you switch from not only doing things, but observing, you're changing. And as you become more and more steady in your observation of your intentions, you change more and more rapidly. If you can have continuity in observing your intentions, your intentions will be completely transformed. But it takes many, many trials for this transformation to become complete.

[51:58]

Groundhog Day, right. Okay, Chris? Patience with who? Yes. Yes. Okay, well, feeling something is passive. When you feel pain, that's passive. In other words, you're receiving the feeling of pain. um actually i just wanted to mention something an example of pain i was talking to someone one time and uh anyway i said something to the person i forgot what it was she was she we were both under umbrellas it was raining and uh

[53:28]

I think she said something like, I can't hear you. And I said something like, I don't know, I said something like, well, why don't you listen? And she experienced that as like one of the most painful things that ever happened to her. but she practiced patience with it but I'm just saying sometimes what the person does is amazingly little but when you feel really close to them sometimes it's very very painful because you're so open to them that a slight A slight little thing that brings up the separation is very... I mean, she was very, very deeply hurt by the rift in the intimacy.

[54:33]

But she practiced patience with it. The receiving of that pain, though, is passive. Patience is active in the sense of you actually don't run away from the pain. by blaming somebody, by getting angry, by talking yourself out of it, by distracting yourself with drugs or overwork or some other kind of power thing. You actually like intentionally go into the center of the pain. It's an active diving practice. You dive into the center of the pain. Instead of the usual animal thing, get rid of it, get rid of it, or get away from it. That's our usual animal response. Pain, get away, or destroy the source. And pleasure, go towards it and grab it. Which works pretty well for animals, but for humans at this stage of evolution, those two don't work very well a lot of the time.

[55:45]

especially for things that are going on in your head, like feeling a rift in intimacy with somebody. So patience is quite active. And it's just a fantastic practice. Did you have a hand raised? Next. Yeah, thanks. I was puzzling over We've talked a lot about controlling the negative behaviors. We've talked about attempting to control. Attempting. Maybe even talking about controlling it. And I'm wondering, for one thing, if the concept of store consciousness fits in well here. Yeah, that's the main idea I'm trying to puzzle over. I'm not real clear on the idea of store consciousness, but my best understanding is that it's all of these things from the past that we might have in our mind that would just pop up so that we react by yelling or we react by being sarcastic or something like that.

[57:06]

Somehow it seems like rather than trying to control the negatives that perhaps we're wanting to cultivate those positive skills. Right. You say rather than control the negative, we're trying to cultivate the positive. If we could control the negative, I would say, why not? If you can control negatives, control them. And if you can stop negative things from happening, stop them. Go ahead. No problem. I'm not disagreeing with that. I just don't know people that can do it. And this idea of star-house consciousness, if you bring it up, is the idea that at some times certain dispositions, deeply developed habits, just pop up, you know? So somebody says something to you and this disposition pops up, and you act in this ancient, old pattern of selfishness. And it just happens like that. And you might wish to be a person who didn't act like that, but the disposition came in and took over.

[58:12]

Because basically, again, your view is very influential. So if you view yourself as separate from other beings, basically, you're done, you know, you can't do much about, basically, you're deluded. So, you know, what can you do? But make mistakes. It's about all you can do. If you ever don't make a mistake, great. But you're coming from the wrong attitudes, so you're going to make mistakes based on that attitude. But if you can be aware of the mistakes you're making, you can actually work your way back to that basic delusion and it can be transformed. So that's cultivating the positive under the circumstances of delusion. Under the circumstances of delusion? Yeah. You're still seeing the other person as separate?

[59:13]

You're seeing them as separate, you still think they're separate, and you do all the kinds of things that are Basically off, all of them, because of your delusion. There's three varieties of the things you do that are off. There's the skillful things you do and the unskillful things you do. But even the skillful things are still based on delusion because you still think you're separate from them. You even think you're separate from the things you do. You think you own the things you do. We believe the way we believe our delusions. As long as we're deluded, we believe our delusions. If you don't believe your delusions, they're not really delusions. They're just strange ideas. Like, I'm Napoleon and I'm separate from you. Those are two delusions. But they're two ideas.

[60:14]

They're two concepts. But if I believe I'm Napoleon, I get locked up by the people who think they're separate from me. but they don't think they're Napoleon. So everybody's got this delusion, which is they not only think they're separate, but they believe it. So everything that's based on that is off, fundamentally off. That's it. But if you're aware of that, you're starting to wake up. and you can finally wake up entirely from that dream that's the proposal and then what you do is no longer what you do then what is happening is that nothing happens except through the concerted activity of all things there's no more personal action

[61:15]

There's intention, but it's no longer personal intention. Now the intention is very similar to the personal intention. The intention is non-attachment, loving-kindness, and non-harm. Same intentions, it's just that they aren't owned by anybody anymore. They're just what's going on. there's intention, but it's no longer personal intention. Now the intention is very similar to the personal intention, is the intention is non-attachment, loving-kindness, and non-harm. Same intentions, it's just that they aren't owned by anybody anymore. They're just, they're just what's going on. So you cultivate You cultivate the wholesome things, which means in some sense you cultivate diluted positive activity.

[62:24]

But studying your karma is not more karma. That's not more karma. That studying isn't karma. Now, to think, I want to study, that's karma. But the actual awareness of your karma is not more karma. Now, in some Buddhist scriptures, the Buddha says that there's four kinds of karma. Wholesome, unwholesome, and a mixture of wholesome and unwholesome, or indeterminate. And a fourth kind of karma is the kind of karma that undoes karma, or liberates one from karma. I choose to not call that karma. But in some scriptures, the Buddha calls the kind of karma that liberates you from karma, karma. But it's not really karma. It's just study of karma.

[63:27]

So studying karma, I don't think is really karma. Wishing to do it, intending to do it, that I'm going to do it, that's karma. But when you actually get into it, it's just awareness of the illusion of I do this and you do that and we're separate and I do good and I do bad. That's karma, that kind of thinking. But awareness of that is not karma. That's the kind of awareness of studies that's involved in the right view, studying karma. And that's the kind of awareness that's involved in developing right intention. You watch the intentions that are at the source of your karma. So first you tune into your karma. in right view, and then in right intention, you start to watch even more closely the intentions, and the intentions are transformed into right intentions.

[64:33]

And then when the intentions are transformed, then you move into the karma realms, the three karma realms, speech, body, and your livelihood. So is that, like, crystal clear? Huh? Huh? Yes? No? Not crystal clear? Yeah. Oh, you've heard about interdependence? You're saying? You've heard about it? It sounds good, huh? So there is this wonderful thing

[65:34]

And you throw some gap between, a huge gap, a huge gap between understanding interdependence and believing in independence. Believing in the reality of independence, of separation, right? What? Oh, that's what I'm saying. You're in that reality of separation. Right? And then we've heard about a possible, a different reality called non-separation or interdependence. You've heard about it. And it seems that there's a gap between you wondering how to get from one to the other. Huh? The practice is so now you're in the one where there seems to be separation. Is there some discomfort there? Okay. So what do you do with that? So you practice patience. So then you're actually even more there, right? So first of all, you're in a realm of separation and discomfort.

[66:57]

So then he says, now practice patience so you can even get right to the center of this. Now you can really suffer. You can more thoroughly suffer because you're more comfortable. You get more comfortable, then you can suffer more. The more comfortable you are, the more you open up to suffering. Keep going. you feel greater, wider discomfort. And then we practice Pilchim's Vets and you feel wider discomfort. So your comfort-discomfort gets bigger and bigger. But then also your compassion gets bigger and bigger. So your compassion helps you also to suffer more and more completely. So you're now not taking your seat in the middle of the world of delusion and suffering. Okay? And then as you, and also as you become more and more skillful at patience, you have more and more energy. Because the more compassionate you are, the less you're fighting and wasting your energy fighting the pain and pushing people away.

[67:58]

So your energy comes up, your openness, you get more and more open, more and more joyful that you're open. So your joy and positive energy increase and increase. And you're still hearing about this interdependence, which you think still sounds good, but you don't quite, you still don't understand it. So you still wonder, how am I going to understand that? Well, now you're practicing also studying karma, practicing right view, right? And now you, and now you've taken your seat and you have the energy that you could use to practice right view. Got all this energy and positive positive feeling. Now you can study right view. If you don't have patience, it's going to be hard to study right view because studying right view involves looking at pain. Does that make sense? Because studying right view means you're looking at karma, and there's pain all around karma.

[69:03]

Karma is a very painful situation. If you do good karma that's nice, it leads to good results, but you're still always worried that you're going to, that it's going to hinder, that you're going to make another mistake. You know, this whole situation is very tentative and fragile, and you can fall on your face any minute. There's bananas everywhere. So you're watching karma, and watching karma means you're looking at pain. It's the realm of pain and suffering. But you can practice patience so you can stand to look at it. You can stand to face the pain because you have patience to protect you. The pain is still there, but you have patience and compassion. So you keep studying, even though it's really hard. And what are you studying? Karma. What are you studying? Self, other. Self, other. Self, other, anxiety, fear. Self, other, anxiety, fear.

[70:05]

Self, other, anxiety, fear. That's what you're studying. And self-other-anxiety-fear, karma to fix the self-other-anxiety-fear, karma to entrench the self-other-anxiety-fear. Self, other, anxiety, fear. I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to do some karma and fix it up, and it's making it worse, but I can't stop. And it's getting worse, and [...] it's getting worse. But I'm practicing patience, and right in the middle of it, it's getting worse, and it's getting worse, and it's getting worse. And how is this all working? Self, other, anxiety, fear, karma, pain, self, other. This is very what it's like. Or tell another story about it, but basically this is what it's like. You've got to practice patience to be able to stay on the job. Okay? Does this go on forever? No. How long does it go on? Depends on how consistent you are.

[71:07]

But it doesn't last forever. The time comes when you see the self-other more and more clearly. And you see that there really isn't self-other. You see that the self entirely depends on the other. There is no self except a self that's completely supported and interdependent with others. You see it, and then you have just jumped into the other world. It becomes a reality. Except that when you jump, you lose a few things. You lose pain and suffering and fear and karma. You lose that stuff. Okay? Rollercoaster, that's self, other, pain, anxiety. That's rollercoaster world. That's birth and death, birth and death, happy, sad, gain and loss, me and you, coming and going.

[72:14]

It's that. And it's wonderful, it's marvelous, and it's nauseating. And if you keep your eye on it, you see more and more clearly how nosulating it is. You see more and more. This world cannot be fixed. You can't fix this world because it's fundamentally flawed at its root. It's based on delusion. It's just a dream based on a dream. It's not going to get fixed. What you've got to do is understand that it's a dream, and then you wake up. And you see another world where there's no separation between self and other. And where you can't do anything about yourself anymore. And that's the sad part for some people. So you lose your old job, you get a new job. Your new job is Big Buddha. Yes. I was just wondering what is the use of intervention if there's a third person involved?

[73:18]

At one time I knew someone who at one time was very concerned that her granddaughter was being verbally and physically abused by her stepfather. Yes. I can understand if it's you yourself that you can ask that question, but what if it's a third person for whom she was more or less responsible and it would mean very well for you to repeat? What is the use of intervention? Well, one response would be, let's just make the story that the person is being abused by a third party, that this person is someone that you care about, and it hurts you to see that. So you practice patience with your pain over them being hurt. And then because you're practicing patience, you can be more skillful in going to protect the person who's being abused. So, Practicing patience, even for yourself, if someone's abusing you, practicing patience doesn't mean we don't say, just a second, could we have a break here?

[74:21]

Could we take an abuse break? Okay? You can still say, could you stop that for a second, please? Could I have a little time out, please? Just a minute here. But you don't like them. You just say, could we have a pause in the torture thing here now? And because you're practicing patience, you're not trying to run away from it. You're trying to protect yourself and the other person. So it doesn't mean that you don't do something. Because when you practice patience, you have all this enthusiasm for doing good things. And one of the good things to do is to protect anybody that's getting hurt, even if it's you. So patience doesn't mean you don't try to protect yourself from harm. So it also doesn't mean you don't try to protect somebody else from harm. It just means that you're acting from patience rather than from running away from pain. If you run away from pain and then try to protect someone else, you're less capable of protecting them, partly because oftentimes if you try to protect someone else from pain, that pain happens in the process, which then throws you off.

[75:36]

But if you're able to be patient with your own pain, then if you try to protect yourself or others from pain, then in the ensuing increase in pain, you have a chance to stay present and keep doing the skillful thing. Was that too much? It seemed like control. Well, how? Yeah, well, now... I mean, I see how you see it, but it doesn't have to be trying to control, because sometimes when we try to protect, you can't. You're unsuccessful. And sometimes you can, but you don't have to see it as control. You don't have to view it that way. Yeah, this whole thing is a play on words, self and other. This whole thing is a dream based on words. The question is how to cut through them. And I'm just feeling like control.

[76:39]

I feel like the word control is a key word. I think for me, control and power go together. And love is not about control. Love is about how to benefit. But to me, it's critical that although I try to help people, I'm not in control there. Because if I think I'm in control and I try to help people, then if I'm unsuccessful, I sometimes will quit. Because I can see, hey, I'm going to control here, so I'm going to go someplace where I can control. So I abandon all these people in realms that I can't control. But I think that enlightenment is on the path of being devoted to what you can't control. Enlightenment's on the path of

[77:28]

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