Love

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the real world disappears the morning
i will
yesterday afternoon ah are she saw of carol oh gave a wonderful talk on the subject was and love and very inspiring
and at the end she asked me if i had anything to say
and i said am
well the semester say
i said them
ah we assign meanings to words
and the word love
it has got a lot of assignments
and can mean anything you wanted to mean almost
so i decided that i will continue
the her talk in my as my dog ah with that question and
so today i'm going to talk about
i've written down for notes
the subject of my talk his foot on love to ponder i'm not going to tell you about what whether you feel about but i'm going to give us some
ah interesting thoughts
i've thought about this allowed and i've given talks on his herself and
ah
this is often comes up when somebody in the audience so how can we never talk about loving to
and we always answer that's all we ever talk about
so you can see when a broad subject is live
it's all about it's all about love actually
but when everyone has a different idea about what is love
mostly our ideas about love or about self interest
really
how come nobody loves me
or ah
yeah stuff like that
and the end my talk will be
how do we deal with the anger and resentment and frustrations and in our hearts given today's
world
just the beginning in the end and now i'm going to talk about the middle
oh so
ah
there are many kinds of love categories and are three that or maybe main categories
ah instinctive love
emotional love and conscious love
mostly people are interested in instinctive love
and emotional love
mostly emotional
so when we talk about love that's what we think are usually emotional love
i'm a conscious love is the most difficult
because it's not about me
in our instinctive love is biological
i'm
ha
touching and relating and parsec to having sex in our children and family and so forth
i'm
emotional love of course accompanies all of that
and a get us into all kinds of problems in trouble so i would say there are
higher forms of love
and lower forms of love i won't say that they're not forms of love but they're not on
high level because they're mostly about ourself
ah
our self satisfaction
those are the lower forms in love higher forms or love are not about me but they include me
so i'm gonna just give us a little list
of lower forms and then i'll give us a little list of higher forms
we we consider a higher ones self love
the extreme himself love north narcissism
but it's loves it's really all about me and disguised as about the other person

sensual love
can go either way
they can be a higher form of love or lower form of depending on
are degrees of satisfaction
oh
i'm selfish love of course is just all about
and me
ah
ah and
using the other person for our own satisfaction
and delusional love is just not knowing anything about it it's just like and are going off
ah
the emotionally
i'm in various directions trying to find something to satisfy us
and not really knowing what we're doing
and that is the love which demands a reward
i love you and how come you don't let me
and and is an emotional and
instinctive which i talked about on a bit
and that is to love hate duality in order for the love to be satisfying the haslett include the hate
and so he have battered women and battered man and you know difficulty that way
and then
ah the wish to be loved but not to need to love
one sided fit and then one zelda and and seductive love or needing to paul someone in and captivate them in order to satisfy ourselves which has never satisfactory
and then there's the infatuation
you know i've often said
that
we are
we feel this person is the only person i could ever love
and then to realize that in any one of if you go around the block you could probably find somebody who could love
ah
floated that is an indiscriminate love which is
ah
finding just the right person and then realizing it's not the right person and then the next one is the right person but it's not a writer and you just keep going around it's like looking for a teacher
you know other people who go around looking for a teacher and then practice for why was allegedly there's something wrong with this person then i go to the next teacher god is something rounded can never settle not not realizing it is not about the teacher it's about ourself
and the same way with a partner i'll the ron parker and he just got from budget partner
if never satisfying because if about us it's not about the partner
so what is the higher forms
of love
i'm
and we talk about this all the time
and it's it's a the the ponderable the imponderable ponderable
ah drives our practice is called emptiness jr
the highest form of love is shuja or emptiness other several names a designation for
junior someone calls it the vastness or whatever but so what is emptiness but the meaning of emptiness
nobody knows
but the meaning of emptiness according to their twenty twenty designation through the meaning of emptiness in the dharma
ending with an emptiness emptiness
but basically what we're concerned with in practice as the meaning of emptiness is
ah
interdependence emptiness means independence basically and the highest form of love with interdependence realizing that everything belongs to everything
there is no special thing
that emptiness there's no special thing everything is the part of everything else and everything is always changing and moving on in different forms were all performing
and a reforming and enter free for me and
becoming each other and becoming stones and and a sky and birds and plants and
ah
oh to be born as a human
he is very rare
so ah
i love is what holds the university other
if much much more deep much t present me personally
it's impersonal but his personal at the same time a personal and impersonal
it's called jr
sofa col karuna which is ah
sympathy
in therefore
ah
for for
ah
them
explanations of love in buddhism
they're both personal impersonal
but
you're not egotistical
i'm
but the reason you know you don't see love as as one of the important aspects of buddhism when you read the literature because love in in in a historically
in buddhism love means sex
gets the that's the meaning of love him directly in buddhism sex
or a seduction or things like that but we have different explanations you know in are in the west
but
it doesn't mean that love is not expressed his expressed his the for brahmana the areas
i'm loving kindness or loving or love you
we say loving kindness that's the way has been translated but it's love and kindness
as not to snatch the same thing
love stands by itself and kindness stands by itself you can put them together it's okay
but love standing by itself is the first one it means that it means selflessness
he doesn't mean a possessiveness it means selfishness
because the an ah
conclusion of buddhism is selflessness
so
the second one is and
a
a coruna which is them
ah
compassion
passion in suffering
basically although we use it to me mean other things
we use of
passion to me it means sex
and it means
our high energy
i'm feeling to do something
car
room now
car rule lot three blouse
am i i i like to teach people to spell
bye bye papa putting by putting words together
so the i'm sorry
and so it's if your sympathy toward people it's it's your identification low as identification
with others
and then there is a sympathetic joy
in other words here to view be happy with the successes of other people
even if they supersede you in some way
and so it precludes envy and jealousy and all of those ah
kind of detrimental feelings
really cause i'm suffering
so much that are suffering because somebody else's successful
it makes us happy
at other people's success
oh so that's very high form of love
because you are always promoting other people
and helping other people basically like helping people to be successful
and then
the fourth one is am
equanimity
equanimity being the balanced state so
you don't get
a heavier on one side or another side you're always at the center is called author called mindfulness mindfulness an equal is it is the center of equanimity
is the fulcrum on which all the other
emotions thoughts and feelings bad plans your balance
flatware so important
i am so you don't get carried away by
infatuation you don't get carried away by desire you don't get carried away by
a self interest
because you always bouncing on a scale and stay in the center mightily
so that's a form of love
oh
so
the hire another higher form of love her questions self less ness
less love
the less
in which you are included you include yourself but you don't stand out in some way
as selfish
suzuki roshi this is where suzuki roshi a main teachers
was don't be selfish
so we're always giving everything not only giving things away but giving up letting go
compassion is a great selflessness and
ah
because we're all connected to actually to realize our interconnectedness or her
i'm
ah emptiness
as
the best gift
that we have
donna is got done her giving up is also giving up giving away the are helping people on time
because the less we have you know
the less we have
and unless we are the more we can see
so the wisest people as also have nothing
poor people can see everybody else actually pretty easily i mean as possible but this is intentional intentional
giving up
which makes the sage pure or bush makes the age
a happy will put it makes delusional people unhappy
poor black to be poor and delusional
that's not that makes people very unhappy but to be poor and wise makes people happy

so have we call your conscious love
conscious of really hard
because it negates are self-centeredness
so lenders costs universal love which is indiscriminate
you're not discriminating was just because you're not trying to love people but because you have your open your vehicle for low
which means let you allow up to to flow through you and that's your mode that's our mode and so it it's not hard
although
it was you get a lot of flak which is hard but
that's your burden
the burden is actually to take the role of flak from being open and loving
well
and indiscriminately if
oh well people you know like how the how had you know people are throwing stuff at you that's not what i mean a little misleading maybe
this world of hate and anger and panda
frustration
so you'd have to deal with that without without but even that back
caitlin

yes yes feeling is what is one aspect but it's be i'm feeling
it it's it's really beyond feeling is just what you do
that's enough some people are just always angry that's just what they do mention people
and other people are just their modus is no matter what other just expressing it
not it's beyond feeling
so but which brings up
the non-duality
i love and hate
which is the highest form because it's love beyond love and hate
i'm
yeah
if add add a level which
ah
you can do you can't do anything else but you know we live in the world of duality so everything has its opposite whatever you say the opposite is also true
when you in the world of opposites if you ask rick and we do where all the time operating in the world will have this is right that's wrong the future that's the thetford and i can prove this other but actually to go beyond have to
i'm
unify love and hate and are opposites that's true
die or phone
so harmony
well actually including your enemy this is chris yeah this is jesus
love your enemy is not christianity but if jesus
so far
today
so
big mind
as i love suzuki roshi always talking about big man flex sensors to sing our essence of mine never leave your essence of mine for essence the mind is pure love big mind is pure love pure meaning without an opposite
if the transcendence of
duality
two and a harmony
ah ha harmony is like
i'm
wherever you go you create harmony because of who you are
so she's think russia used to talk about there's no need to try to do anything when you sit thousand and then you got into the world you just be who you are and without trying to do anything who you are create harmony where are you
and but you may think well no it doesn't
that you have to work a little harder
a brick suspect whether you have to worry a little harder and uses them

i'm so i'm
those are some of them
ah
the a pure love
does aspects of pure love purity means
nah duality it means that you are not reacting
to your opposite which is the hardest thing in the world to do people say if you go to japan
you'll he'll be asked what do you do that i'm as and student or very difficult
that's why it's not difficult because it's hard to cross you actually sit up straighter it's hard to keep your practice pure by not reacting in a dualistic way

so which brings me to the end like
how do we deal with the anger and resentment and frustrations in our hearts given today's world but today's world is not a different than yesterday's world is as it's closer everything closer and so
it's all the same house
think she's to happen in europe and african who cares may we were apparent reason in america but now boom it's all were all sitting in the same house
getting the same flag getting the same problems worldwide and if it's really hard
she'll quit big question is how do we deal with that without
retaliating
because we i mean i feel i want to retaliate
but i don't
consciously
i it would not be correct for me to do that
i've got anybody
so how do we
in our daily life
i respond without getting caught by reaction
this is practice
how do we respond without getting caught by reacting
and have a proper response
and so
i want to open up to any questions you might have cleared i can deal with
hopefully
john saw someone comes to i stand at presents us with
something to react to something that of census i i hear you're saying you don't withdraw you don't do nothing
so when you're in that data ready to react
how do you what's your next move
that let the next move could be
take a step back
and be patient
you know reacting is like jumping on the cost of jumping on the subject
but to step back and consider
and sometimes we say well if i do that time a person
the other personal get an advantage the creator
you know to to maintain composure this i practice in all circumstances to maintain composure meaning not to get
cut by our reactions
but it seems that gotta love of beyond of in hate is engaged yeah engage and saw stepping back is a process of engagement yes you're stepping back if you got process of engagement
well it gives you it it gives you a chance to to consider a response
without reacting sometimes you have to react there's no formula
you know sometimes we have to react sometimes we have to hit somebody rarely
that can happen if
yeah you know if you see somebody will to use this example
somebody's going to kidnap a little girl right or something like that you have any well what do you do you don't sit back and well well i do you react right so there are circumstances in which you have to react but in most circumstances he
to be able to to step back his retreat retreat of partisan battle
it's not going away it's it's stepping back and considering so consideration if that's where you have the opportunity to come forth from your side and when you react you're not doing that when you react you are
becoming a a a
giving the other person
the lead
the how do you take them how do you take the lead
by stepping back and considering and then responding
yeah most of the time
i am so
fight
yeah yeah you should sit over there actually that handsome guy
ah
i think sometimes i have you that i can access here
you beyond the action that
he is a an idea i heard not
no close to it that i'd like to hear me talk about that
he didn't like feel ensure their i feel or yes there's a place where that doesn't exist he was brought up where it's not yeah
yeah that's where we have the opportunity to enjoy our breath
could catch to come back to our breath
and just let everything go
i breathe and then
what happens is then when you get attacked by your pain
where do you do it's exactly the same
yeah
and never going to live again
how do you how do you respond to that if you react
and feel hurt you lost
right so
go and breathe and take let it take it in atlanta and then you can not be driven by your reaction to the whatever it is that hurt you
she lists this is where up for a practice really helps us if we really if
if we don't abandon our practice and then take some other route you rely on your practice
play
when the when you get a lot of pain and sitting virgin
he is as soon as you react to it you lost
he just let it be and you come back to your breath and you come down
and what who isn't it that feels the pain
who isn't it feels to love what part of you feels to love the emotional the feelings know
so what yeah
it you know it's important with somebody insults us if that's important
yeah i'm not it's not important
but what's most important is not react
where do you do is more important than what happens to you
pasture where
yes see you
yeah if you don't let circumstances control you
that's that's why it's hard
a practice at home you don't let circumstances control you
you tell the japanese
the gods

a
yeah
yes yes
yeah pick being with what's happening
what's happening
was stepping back is just as a figure of speech what's it doing yeah
yeah members physically or she said
counted them
before you do anything but when while you're counting that's what's happening instead of
do to do something yet do something it's okay
well not doing is also doing
what do we really like
yeah be that doing
just pay us is doing yes he can't not do
important
now
yeah but do it you can
our don't do it again
or do what you can't
run
assets
ah
a flash
yes no huh
the while things happen very quickly
so you know what i'm saying is is all slowed down in slow motion
right but actually things happened very quickly
yeah no to explain it we slow it down
hell
question
it is really very thing that act by for foundations of mindfulness
foundations of mindfulness a break it down
the article says something
with
in that sense
there could be way is
this particular what does it mean with
i mean something
whatever is you're doing something
yes mindfulness is it's for us
which is our practice is giving you a tool set by wish
the wages i feel this tonight
option is right
way is he
here is as if you can just
he with something and unite with something
making a distinction for yourself i don't think that's what
is it over a woman being aware as what be aware students
yeah as i said we're always doing something
the not doing is also doing
but
yeah
mike
yes love amongst ourselves
or practice seems literally
cool things down for silence
i don't emphasize personal friendliness
they bought the place for warm love
i will make us cool of is called nirvana
ah warm love
a his own
ah
connection
so the balance between warm and cool
is important so ah
we say
damn a cool head and warm feet
that's the balance cool head and won't be one feet means warm heart basically so i think we relate to each other very warm heartedly
some people who say no experience out but that's because we're not warm out of yourself if a hearted ourself truly warm ourself we will receive warm heartedness from others that's why it works
but are also we do have eye contact but not during fashion or killed him but when we're not doing that we have ah
eye contact
and you know a patient like in our monastic practice every time we meet somebody without
and i do get here but not everybody does because they'd have an experience that is a part of their life
if your life and a monastic life you know you don't have to you don't have to do anything you have to think up something to say or whatever you just creech other from a very deep place hopefully
so yeah it's a good question
cool head
meaning don't get too excited and warm heart beating it's okay to be excited

i'm talking about excitement time to go