Hey guys. It's on. This is a first for me. I get to speak to the children for a bit before we open up to the bigger children later. Hi. How are you? A little louder perhaps. Does anyone know what an anniversary is? Leo. Yeah, very good.

[01:07]

A wedding is an anniversary can be an anniversary. David birthday. Yeah, a birthday is kind of an anniversary. Does anyone know what a birthday is? Mira? What were you saying? Well, yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Well, the way I was looking at anniversaries and birthdays is that on January 11th, 1984, I started sitting Zazen. And not too long ago, just last month, was my 25th anniversary of that day. Does anyone know what holiday recently passed?

[02:08]

Like last weekend? David? President's Day? Yeah. And we also had Valentine's Day, right? Yeah. So, President's and Valentine's Day were celebrated with a two-day sashim here. And that was my 25th anniversary sashim, the first time I sat. So I've been thinking a lot about birthdays and anniversaries. A birthday, you don't have to do anything. Your parents do something in order to bring you into this world. And then when you come into this world, that day's marked and it's a birthday. And every year, you get a new one. You go one, two, three, and just keep going. That's right. Now, how long does it take to have a birthday from one to two?

[03:17]

How many days? Does anybody know? A year. A year, that's right. Does anybody know how many days? David? 365. Exactly. That's a lot of days. Okay. Now, an anniversary is a little different. An anniversary marks something that happened after you've been born. So, for instance, Let's say your mom and dad meet somewhere and they like each other a lot and they want to get married. So they're going to get married and that day becomes an anniversary day. And an expression of that anniversary and their love for each other is what? One expression of that expression of love. You guys. Your coming into this world is an expression of your mother and father's love for you. So I want to tell you a little story that talks about the love that my parents had for me.

[04:24]

And this magazine came into my mailbox by mistake. It wasn't supposed to be in my box, but I opened it up and I found something really interesting to share with you. So I think somebody is helping me with my talk today. This is a little story by Master Sheng Yan. He was a Zen master who died not too long ago. We have his name on the altar to mark his passing. And there'll be an anniversary of his passing every year. He said, When a candle is lit in a dark room, it illuminates the room to some extent, but its power is limited. But if you use the same candle to light another candle, the total brightness increases. If you continue to do this, you can fill the room with brilliant illumination. The idea of transferring merit to others is like this. If we keep our own light selfishly hidden, it will only provide a limited amount of illumination.

[05:27]

But when we share our light with others, we do not diminish our own light. Rather, we increase the amount of light available to all. Therefore, when others light our candle, we issue forth light. When out of gratitude we use our candle to light other people's candles, the whole room gets brighter. This is why we transfer merit to others. This kind of light is continuous and inexhaustible. So have you ever looked at your birthday cake and seen the light coming from the candles? and as the years go by, it seems to get brighter and brighter with more candles? You don't? Well, check it out next time and see if it's a little brighter. Well, back in October, there was a particular moment in my life that changed forever.

[06:31]

My father passed away. So he died on October 8th, and that's going to be the anniversary date of his dying. And whereas he gave me... the gift of birth along with my mother, the two of them helped to bring me into this world. I've tried to grow up and to help him and support him in his life all these years. And when I was home last, before he passed away, he said, Ross, when I die, I want you to have a gift. And he said, I want you to have these nutskies, which are these little objects here. He had a cabinet with these little figurines that he collected. And I said, OK, Dad, I'll take them when you pass away. So he died. And when I went home for the funeral, I left the cabinet on the wall, but I took out this one here of the Buddha to remember him by. So if you handle it really carefully, you can pass it amongst yourselves.

[07:35]

David, you want to grab it and pass it to your friends there? So what that is, it's the Buddha and there are a bunch of little people all around him and those are little children that are kind of washing him and tending to his robe and making sure that he's looking okay. So the father was taking care of the son and the little children are taking care of the father. So it's a gift that keeps on giving. It goes both ways. I was just looking for all the children. Yeah, there's a lot of children there. So when you think about birthdays, you think about a gift, right? You're going to be probably given a gift by your mom or dad or maybe some friends. But even when somebody dies, a gift can be given as well, as my father gave me that gift. So even though he's not around anymore, there's that gift that I can always remember him by. Those holes are for a little string to go through because nutskies are little weights.

[08:46]

So, have you ever seen someone put on a robe and they have like a little string wrapped around? If you look underneath the robes of our priest, there's a little string there. And the strings go through that little hole and then that little nutsky hangs down to keep the thing set straight. It's also kind of ornamental. And it also tells a story. Each nutsky has a particular history and story. Do you have any questions about the light? And candles? Or birthdays? Leo? I have a comment about them. Yeah? The reason why I think it gets brighter and brighter is because we get more candles. That's right. And if you look at the person who's about to blow out the candle, they'll be brighter and brighter as well.

[09:50]

And people will be happier. They'll probably be happier, too. Yeah. You think they're paler? Oh, yeah. That's a good point, David. Yeah, they'll be lighter and paler. Well, what happens with the light on the outside is he acts to get really bright inside. So when, if you look at your mother and father and they're smiling, that's their light inside coming out because they're so happy to have you in front of them. And then when you smile, it's probably because you like having your mom or dad or a dear friend near you to help support you in your life. It's all about the light. And as we're approaching springtime, it's gonna get longer and longer, the days, as it'll be a lot more light for us to enjoy. So thank you all very much for coming today.

[10:55]

I really enjoyed telling a little story or two with you guys. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I got it. I got it. I'm sorry, I forgot something. Don't go quite yet. I have a little more show and tell. So, I am 52 years old. But there was a time when I was one year and three quarters old. So, this is another story about ... That's right.

[11:58]

You guys are really smart. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, this is one last story I want to share with you guys. Years ago, my father's mother died and he got very, very sad and depressed. And so his light got kind of diminished and dark. And he didn't really know what to do about that. And my mother got very concerned about his sadness and being kind of a little dark and gloomy. So they had this idea, well, let's express our love to each other and bring a third child into the world. So they went down to Williamsburg, Virginia, and they said, okay, now's the time. And then I was born. And a little later. And my dad's light went from dark to light.

[12:58]

And he got brighter and lighter. And so he and I always had a very special relationship because I knew that I helped him get a little lighter and he also helped me get a little lighter as well. So there's a picture of me. And my little light. Does that look like me? No. It does? Yes and no? No. Because he's not bald and you are. He's not bald and I am. That's right. And I got more teeth than four teeth, right? Yeah. That's the difference. That's right. And I don't think I could sit in that clothes either, right? No. No. And you're not wearing the same clothes. That's right. And my hair turned color. Anyway. I'm not wearing... God, I changed a lot, didn't I? Yeah, you don't have a mustache or a beard. God, who is this guy?

[13:59]

Yeah, yeah. So anyway... Hey, sit on this one. It's the crazy one. Okay guys, thanks a lot for sticking around to see my little pictures. I don't think it's Jason, I appreciate it. Back in your sack you go. Those kids are getting smart.

[15:01]

They've always been smart, even more so. Well, included with this sense of birthdays and anniversary and history and family, the thought of ancestral home comes up, and that comes up for me from time to time. It's especially poignant now with my father having passed a few months back, and my recent visit back east to Virginia where I grew up to see my mother and brother. Back in 95, I was at the nadir of my life, I was really sad and depressed and my light was not particularly bright, but I hung in there somehow or another and through the power of Zazen, the mysterious power of Zazen, I got through it somehow, as well as with the support of friends and family and my teacher Zojiroshi.

[16:14]

We have a sashin in December called Rohatsu, which commemorates the Buddhist enlightenment, and I was sitting at a sashin, and we used to have a plum tree in the patio out there, and back east, the term flurry is associated with snow flurries. You don't see much snow here, and I'm not sure if flurries typically are in people's vocabulary around that. So that's a little bit of the backstory for what happened to me at Rahatsu, was after a period of zazen, I got off the tan, and I looked out the back window, and the tree was in its complete illumination of plum blossom, and all three back windows were just filled up with these bursts of white. And this poem came to mind, longing for the snowflakes of my ancestral home there in the Zendo window, a flurry of plum blossoms.

[17:22]

So when we've been in, or when I go through some challenging time, I think about what's safe, what can I go back to, what womb-like experience can I tap into to help me through difficulty? And calling out mommy, of course, is a classic expression of a child, and thinking about home, if it was a loving and supportive home, which mine fortunately was, comes to mind. And then I started thinking about people asking, well, Buddha, what did you discover through your practice? What new developments or new path did you discover? And the story goes that his response was, well, actually, it's not a new path, it's the same path that's been there all along, it's just been covered over by vegetation.

[18:34]

And by searching, I've returned home. And the thing that can sustain us is returning to the ancestral home down here, you know, the heart or breathing center of our life. because the vacillations of life are just that, they're constantly changing. And how do we keep our equanimity when things are falling apart? where we can run up to the mountains and look at snow and maybe be reminded of some pleasurable experience as a kid riding a sled. But actually the best way to go about it is to tap in here to the snowflakes in our belly. Also in this tricycle magazine, there was an article about Bernie Glassman, who was my first Zen teacher in New York.

[19:47]

And Bernie does things in a really big way. He's involved with socially engaged Buddhism and creating Zen houses now, which are places where people can practice Zen and learn about waking up and lessen their suffering in depressed areas around the country. And I admire his work, but it's not my calling. My way is rather quiet and a bit more invisible, for lack of a better word. But we all manifest our own expression, whether it's big or small. It's all our own expression of our understanding of the teaching. And as we move along in our practice, we find that way. And we need a platform to find our way, to express ourselves. Traditionally, back in China, the monks and nuns would stand while the teacher would lecture from a platform.

[21:00]

Here in this egalitarian society, we all are on the platform, either the low platform or the upper platform, but it's all the same height. So I was thinking about platforms and a venue to express oneself and express an understanding of the teaching. As many of you know, I had photography as a career many years ago and I recently purchased a little camera and take pictures from time to time. And I had opportunity to take some pictures of friends who I greatly admire. And I had the good fortune of having a platform to express that, capturing my two friends in the BCC newsletter. In the January newsletter, there was a picture of Napolo Hiwagawa. Is Napolo here? No, he was gardening back here, and then in the subsequent month, I took a picture of Agnes Kachi cleaning the tokusana.

[22:09]

And what I saw and felt when I happened to come across these two people, these two sangha members, was this light coming out from them in their selfless offering. to take care of our temple. In Naguo's case, he was out in the abbot's garden, which is right outside my bedroom window. And it was a Saturday. It was about 9.30 or so. But unlike work period Saturdays, this was during the two-week interim, when there's no formal schedule here. So I got up, sleeping in, which is one of my favorite things to do during the interim, and I pull up the shades in my apartment, and there's Nabuul working diligently in the garden. And I went outside, and I said, Nabuul, thank you for tending the garden, but what are you doing here?

[23:15]

It's interim. There's no schedule. He says, oh, it doesn't matter, schedule or no schedule. I come here. This is what I do. I take care of the garden. So I used to be a photojournalist, so I said, well, here's the opportunity to record this bodhisattva working, whether there's no schedule or not. It reminded me of someone asking Suzuki Roshi about when Zazen starts. And he said, well, it never ended, you know, we have a schedule, we just keep going. So I took a picture of Nabuwo and wrote down my reflections and had the good fortune to have Ed Herzog, our newsletter editor, put it on a page and share the light of Nabuwo to our sangha. because I felt that if I got illuminated watching him work, other people get illuminated as well, and the light would grow, as Master Sheng Yen taught in this piece in Tricycle.

[24:23]

Some weeks later, again just outside my door, I saw Agnes working diligently in her nice, quiet, understated way, cleaning the dokasana. And in that image, and in both cases, because of their personality and that sort of understated, quiet, invisible way, I had some hesitancy about recording it because it's a very private, intimate moment that someone is putting out. And that was kind of the little koan that I had when I was a photojournalist. Some of the best pictures in photojournalism are taken when people are in major crisis or anguish situations. But I pushed myself and found an opportunity to take a picture of Agnes when her head was down and she didn't see me, and not using a flash. And when I saw the results of the picture, and I apologize for those who've seen the picture and read the little piece I wrote on it, but there's some people here who have it.

[25:41]

The picture shows someone brushing the tatami mat, but the hat covers the head, so you don't see the person's face. And I was immediately struck by when I went to Japan, and there's a picture of a monk doing Takahatsu, which is begging, with the big hat over their head, so they don't see the person making the offering, and the person giving the offering doesn't see them, so it's this selfless give and take. So you feel the light and the energy transmitting back and forth, but you don't, but it's not personal. It's not personal. So small ways or big ways, a lot of light or a little light, it doesn't really matter.

[26:43]

It's just we practice and make an effort to be true to our own expression. And we have a lineage that we recite every day in our liturgy that celebrates the anniversary of a person's transmission. and carrying on the teaching through the generations for 2,500 years. And I was talking to a friend of mine about lineage and the preciousness of that effort that those people made to bring the teaching all the way down to us. And he said, you know, there are a lot of people that we're practicing that are kind of lost in antiquity. Now we don't know their names, we can't recite their names, so we have an echo that commemorates or celebrates their practice to all the cooperating founders, both hidden and revealed, who made this practice place possible, or who make this practice possible.

[27:51]

So we have candle holders, we have candles, we have wicks, and we have the light. and they're all of a piece. All of a piece. Does anyone have a question or comment about what was brought up when the children are here or when the big children stayed to hear the rest of the talk? Yes, Fulani.

[28:56]

Thank you. That reminds me of something that I was a little hesitant to say, but I will say it. You know, our teaching here is one that promotes humbleness and just to practice and to give and make offerings. And things come back to you when you offer, though that's not the intention of the practice. It does happen. And part of my hesitancy about taking pictures of the two people I mentioned was that it was kind of a ... not that they would have egos created and start going on about themselves in the practice and celebrating what they do, because I know them well enough to know that they would not do that, but it's like bringing to light someone's efforts so other people see that. And ... we don't do that so much, and because there's always this potential that we become like just back patters and just kind of glorifying everyone's accomplishments, and then of course the problem is that it becomes kind of anti-ethical to what we're trying to do, so it's a balance to how do we

[30:40]

make the effort, be seen, be acknowledged and let go and go back to sitting on the cushion. So I appreciate your mentioning the feeling that you got up at Pete's and I'm sure that caffeine helps too. Because you're not coming there just to see me, I know. Sue. Thank you, Russ. Would you please read your poem to us? Longing for the snowflakes of my ancestral home there in the zendo window, a flurry of plum blossoms. It snowed the last day I was in New York, and that was the day that I went to visit the first synagogue built in America that had been restored recently.

[31:42]

And it was, I don't pretend to follow the Jewish faith, but going in there was very powerful. And after that experience of visiting this shul, I walked up the Lower East Side past Katz's Delicatessen, where I can't eat anything in there because I'm an avowed vegan vegetarian, but I appreciate the ancestry and all the history of that place. And then to the Lower East Side, past Charlie Parker's house, where the alto saxophone player lived for a few years, to an espresso joint that I like to go to and drink coffee. and just walking this sort of path in history of where my grandmother and grandfather lived, not too far from that temple up to the area where Charlie Parker lived.

[32:44]

It was, well, we all have our stories walking through history and looking back and seeing what's influenced us. You know, when I was back home, I visited George Washington's mother's grave. She's buried in my hometown. And there's a place behind her grave called Meditation Rock. And it's this big rock. Well, when I was a kid, it was a big rock. It was just up the street from me. Now it looks like a pebble. But nevertheless, it's this rock that my friends and I used to play around on. And there's a plaque there now. It says, this is Meditation Rock where Mary Washington used to meditate, praying for her son's safety during the Revolutionary War. And also in my hometown is a slave block, which is hard to believe, but there's a slave block there, and there's a little plaque there that says, this is where people and goods were auctioned. And James Monroe has a law office down the street from the slave block.

[33:54]

He's one of the fifth presidents of the United States. And the music I listen to is music of the slaves, the jazz music that came out from that. And the thing that I spend a lot of time at is on the cushion meditating for the safety of all beings and myself. So I don't know, one last thing. I recently joined Facebook. I was invited to a lot, and I just said no, no, no, I finally did it. And so I've contacted a bunch of high school and college friends I haven't seen in 30 some years, 40 some years. And it's kind of exciting. to go back and connect with people that I once was connected to, either have a lot in common with or nothing in common with.

[35:00]

Maybe I should have just left it alone. But nevertheless, I was in New York and I was visiting with my, where I stay, there's a 14-year-old boy living there. And I was telling him about my Facebook experience. And I said, God, you know, Dylan, this is great. I haven't seen these people in 30 years. It's very exciting to kind of reconnect with old friends. I said, have you ever connected to your old friends and had a similar experience? And he looked at me kind of nonchalantly and says, you know, I haven't been around here for 30 years. And I kind of forgot that I'm a little older than Ken and have this ancestry and I think one of the beauties of continuous practice and determination to continue to practice is having that history and that path to look back on to see where we've come from and see how we've transformed

[36:09]

Yeah, birthdays and anniversaries. Yeah. Who? Oh, how about that song, This Little Light of Mine? Sojin, would you like to Comment or question? Anything? Okay. Well, feel free to knock on my door if you do. Ross? Yeah, Rolf? The other day you were showing me this video of your dad. You and your dad. I'm filming him. You were saying to him, you were coming I was thinking of how I wish that your father was here today.

[37:25]

And then I realized that he is in fact. So I wanted to say that your father's light is not seeing itself right now. Thank you, Raul. My parents were married 61 years and at their 50th anniversary, which of course is a big number in the way we categorize numbers and anniversaries and birthdays and things. I wanted to do something for them. And you know, quite often children have parties for their parents that they live nearby and there's people around, but we're all kind of spread out and this wasn't going to happen. And I felt I didn't feel so good about it, but that's just the way our life turned out. So I

[38:28]

I collected some letters that I've received over the years from people that had some nice things to say about what I do, and how I've helped them, and that kind of stuff. We all have these experiences, but I happened to kind of put them together and made a little card out of it, and I gave it back. So for their anniversary, presented them with this little collection of thank yous from people because I wanted to show them that even though I didn't become a white-collar professional commensurate with my education and the Jewish cliche and all the other sort of stuff, that something got transmitted. Something got transmitted. I wanna close, I'll just remind you the story of my sister and I were visiting my parents. And my parents generally supported us and loved us a lot, but they'd always have a little dig or question about what we could be doing or why we didn't do this and that.

[39:40]

And so one night my sister got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and she overheard my parents talking in the bedroom. And my father was going through each child, the three of us, and just in a simple way acknowledging that he or she turned out okay. And my mother said, you're right, Clayton, you know, they did. And I was reminded of this friend of mine who would get into these discussions or arguments with his girlfriend, but when they were lying down together, There were no arguments. It was a very easeful kind of time between them. And it wasn't just a sexual thing. They weren't having sex. It was just lying down together. And there's just something about the vertical, where this world of discrimination and picking and choosing, and then the horizontal, where things just kind of come together and everything is okay.

[40:49]

And in Zazen, that's what we get to do. We come vertical. into the zendo, and we sit down, we assume this posture of horizontal and vertical together, and the matrix is, you know, the breathing center, we've heard that a million times, and something kind of gets, it kind of levels the playing field. So, Yeah. Thank you, Sue. Yeah.

[41:52]

Well, as a bumper sticker says, it's never too late to have a happy childhood, right? Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

[42:03]

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