Intimacy with Birth and Death: The 39th Yearly Memorial for Suzuki Roshi 

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as usual
he will come here on a good day

this is not without reason
today is december fourth
on december fourth nineteen seventy one
our teach teacher
our auspicious teacher
complete peace
every year is it
is another december fourth
what many of us i feel deeply
on that day
for me this one is particularly touching because
it was thirty nine years ago
when he passed away and he was thirty nine years older than me when he passed away
so now i miss it the age
of our teacher when he passed away

in a way seem like an old
zen priest when he died
so maybe i'm an old zen priest

in the last few months of his life
he gradually was unable to go down to the zendo
org or down to
he he lived on the second or third floor
of the temple
depending on if you count the basement of the first floor
xander was in the basement so he had a good on tuesday to stories to from his room to go to this item
and going out one story to go to like the dining room
so gradually stopped giving dharma talks stop giving dogs on stop going to zendo stop going to meals
and mostly was just i'm not the florida his apartment

he was receiving some ah
you might say
you could say medical
treatment or you could just say
medicinal treatment he was receiving massage and moxibustion
my room is right next to his i was available to help
he and his wife of they needed anything

and i was happy that they would sometimes ask me for help
i said to him i asked him if i could just be in the room when he received his medicinal attentions
i could just sit in a room quietly why he was massaged and while he received moxibustion that he said okay
so that he was
in his
in his interview room his dogs on room
lying on the ground
the great teacher
on his abdomen on a stomach
with his back exposed for the treatments and i was
thirty nine years younger sitting cross legged watching
i watched his body be massaged i watched her he
received the massage i watched him wince when the
when the cones burned down close to her skin and the person would then take them all

one day the person who
offered this service was sick
so he said to me
i think he said you do it
he'd been watching
so i did it
and he said
pretty good

his body was teaching me even though i wasn't saying anything
my teachers body was teaching me
in his illness
those teachings
embracing sustain me now
they encourage me
to be intimate with
old age disease and death they encourage me to be intimate with birth and death
as i try to practice being intimate with birth
and disease and death
as i remember to be intimate with them
not to try to get rid of them but to be intimate with them
i become more confident the intimacy with disease
an old age and death
death and intimacy with
these comings and goings is peace and ease

i know some of you over many years i know you've had diseases and physical problems
and that in some cases you have received some
medical or medicinal assistance and are in less pain and disease now and you were a while ago
i'm happy for you
recently i was having quite a bit of pain and around my right hip
now and people ask me how are you feeling or not they say are you feeling better and
i'm kind of a stuffies and priest
so i don't i say i don't feel better
but i'm in much less pain
the right i don't consider less pain better
i try not to
i must act there's a slope of project and slip down on or i would consider the less pain better
but i do consider intimacy with pain to be good
to be he's
and the pain that i'm trying to be intimate with now is less
than before
and summer and i guess almost everybody in this temple
is in situation where your pain isn't so strong that you couldn't come here today
all of us had some pain probably
oliver said have some pain because
if there's the slightest
separation between us and our birth and death it's somewhat painful
so an enormous where we are not able to be intimate there is some discomfort
some anxiety
and again
to be intimate with the anxiety that comes from not being intimate
brings peace and is to the fear and anxiety
so our teacher i feel good
did his best to
the intimate with his
with his cancer his liver cancer
thirty nine years ago
thirty eight and nine months ago
when it became clear that he had liver cancer i think practice with it
in an exemplary way he said an example for us

and this example
could be called the example of intimacy with birth and death it could be called the example the example of
enlightenment that can live in the misery of birth and death intimately
they can live in the misery of birth and death with peace and ease
and then giving up that piece of the it is and entering into birth and death again joyfully teaching
beings who have not learned this year

we can do
the annual memorial ceremony for our teacher
right here
we have an altar
we have pictures of him
we know his name
we have lovely offering
offering furniture we can use we have songs we can sing to him so we can do a ceremony for him in just a little while
joyful is celebrating his coming to us his practicing with us and he's leaving us
i came here from the and i've from a monastery called zen mountain center
or zen mind monastery

just recently one of that
one of the practitioners they're
came to see me
she's from germany
i don't remember exactly what you said but it was something like
for this first six weeks of this fall training period i didn't call home

but then
or maybe maybe i got word from home people saying well what's going on
so i called
when i heard the voices and the concerns of my family
maybe i had before i say that i didn't i wanted to settle down before i call them
and i felt quite settled and i call them when i talked to them i felt really agitated and disturbed
talking to them
and then she said
is this just a bubble
and i thought she was referring to the monastic
situation the monastic container
she could have been asking about life itself
i thought she was referring to the monastic container
is this just a bubble can we go into and then when life situations come it just pops and were just you know
at a loss for how to live our life again
this a little bubble where we go in and we have some problems like getting up early in the morning and dealing with cold and
a rigorous schedule of activities that are quite challenging and and
you know if you resist you really get uncomfortable you have to really go with it and otherwise it's really difficult and
but then after you get out you get with it for a while things kind of start to calm down and you feel kind of at ease and settled
is this whole set up a bubble which can just be popped by on the voice of a family member
i said well you could say it's a bubbly out or you could see it as like a greenhouse
where you take these little seeds can you put him in now
some soil
and it gives some warmth into water and they germinate and then they start to sprout
on nine also jumped change metaphors and i said it's like a the candle behind me
is burning
it can just you can blow it out with your breath
but you put it outside it on blow out in a in a breeze
and a tool and or switching back to the sprout was little sprout of you put in the field ah cold or wind or
an animal than just crusher
this settling down and becoming intimate with our body mind our dynamic body my situation
as we start to settle with it and we find a flame
find a little flicker of enlightenment
we find a little sprout
of great compassion and wisdom start to sprout
but it can be easily lost by a telephone call
for or an exhale
can be easily lost
by an illness or an insult
claim is easily blown out a sprouted easily crushed
so it's necessary to actually protect the baby
the baby body mind the baby attempts to be present
with birth and death
to be intimate with is it needs protection it's normal that it needs protecting and without protection it gets lost
and many have you seen it rise start to grow a little bit and be lost and rise start to grow a little bit and be blown out
so we do need to protect it and a kind of time comes when the plank is so when will the fire gets so big
that when you blow on it it just gets stronger
when you put water on it it just makes gorgeous steam
so we do need to protect this
do need to protect it
one way to protect it
his way when doing this morning coming here and sitting quietly
to protect this
this mind of enlightenment the mind
of intimacy with all things and all beings
we are fortunate to have good health
health good enough that we can
be awake
and quiet and still
what this moment
one moment like this makes life worthwhile to twice as much
however if we wish to have this not be lost this ability to be present
with what's happening
we need to realize some kind of container for it
most most of us are not so advanced that we can
take care of this claim to care of the sprout
with not container there must be a container
and the container is he could say i can say to you now
welcome sanga welcome community
i also welcome the teaching and i welcome the buddha
to create a container here
for this willingness
i'm gradual development of the skill of being present an intimate with what's happening
when we do the ceremony the ceremony is
part of making the container for this
precious fragile body mind
mind of enlightenment
the heart sutra at the end it says the last thing he says his modi's far
it means enlightenment and welcome
that statement enlightenment welcome is a little bubble
which can protect
body those words can protect enlightenment
especially if before that you you say gone gone gone beyond gone entirely beyond gone beyond what gone beyond resistance to welcome me
what coming what this and this go beyond all resistance to welcoming this and you'll be able to welcome
then the next month
start all over
perform a memorial ceremony to an exemplar
of giving up resistance
to sickness and death
for the sake of welcoming body
an encouraging other people to practice
his life
and his death
seem to be encouraging people to practice
i think the last time we were here together i brought up the dharma kaja
the reality body
gamma chi minh's reality body true body
have the buddha the true body of the buddha doesn't come and go isn't born and doesn't die
doesn't come and go
intimacy were coming doesn't come or go intimacy with going doesn't come and go
intimacy can give rise to the true body can give can give rise to a avow
the teach people
and a bow vow a power that about can cause an appearance in birth and death
so we have
auspicious teachers likes as a commercial to who appear to be born who appeared to leave japan and come to san francisco who appeared to be having rice for lunch
who appeared to eat the rice
who appear to get sick who appear to die
so that we can have access
to the intimacy
what does not born and does not die
so we honor
we honor that person
can we honor the process by which reality manifests as a person who shows us
how to be intimate how to be at peace
with great pain and illness
so today while we're not too sick
we can practice been intimate with
being not too sick
her anyway being intimate with with hasek we are today
and this creates auspicious conditions for being intimate with hasek for ya tomorrow
and this creates intimate conditions for being intimate with
big illness
and bigger
that will come
all the while we have the joy of practice and the joy of encouraging others to do so

and it's just a bump it is
pop goes away so we need another bubble a monk gotta have a little bottle bubble a little greenhouse to protect the flame to protect the sprout
and as it grows and starts more and more to make its own bubbles
the way of claim grows is it makes its own protection by bidding bigger
tree grows by
making it route skip more pervasive
we're going growing were growing the flame of the dharma lamp
and the tree of enlightenment

and before i forget
it's before i forgot where we're not time called before i forgot
other words were at the time of me remember
and while i'm remembering before i forget
i was asked a mentioned something about
the next or
major event scheduled for this temple
which is
kind of new year's greeting ceremony
this ceremony is scheduled for january second two thousand and eleven
starting at about nine thirty in the morning and have a sitting like today
but as part of the sitting there would be a m
an opportunity to
express request for another year of
did you
whoever you want to request to to from
on this started last year here on because i think in december or
our november one of the members here name laurie said musa some formal way to request teaching
ice and i said well yeah and one of the ways is that new years to do it
i said for example the the priests who i'm training
our the priesthood i'm practicing with on new year's day they read out a traditional love document where they formally request the teacher their teacher to teach another year expressed her gratitude and asked the teacher you can have year and wish to teach her will be around for and
other year
and so that's a that's a traditional practice and is a traditional form and last year or non priests did that formed they rode out
ah does this statement or they made up something different that that that there they thought was up there with our way to formally request teaching in the coming year and we we had that ceremony here where people brought their documents
we bound to each other wishing each other happy new year and
so we did that ceremony so
the by robin
and so we were scheduled to do that again issue coming here and and you and other people are welcome if you wish to make that request to do so you could also come to the sitting if you'd even if he didn't want to make the request and the okay to just
like came this time and you didn't make the request
he didn't bring documents of course that's right to but the for those who wish to do it will have that ceremony on not second
before that over green gulch columbia that the priests will do it over there a smaller group and then
year to do it after that
once again if you wish to know if you wish to do their practice and you'd like to know what the traditional
words are i believe you can find it
so there's an announcement saying
if you have to
so this is totally optional don't feel
any obligation or pressure to do so
from outside maybe inside you feel an obligation

i'm generally
awestruck by the
lofty quality of the practitioners
of the sanga
including the green gold some golf course and the tatar sanga
and a citizen or sanga but
the i just the people down there are
just down awesome practitioners some really great

i hope they don't stop
i hope they can continue the practice rather practicing
the ones the ones who are
practicing and this awesome where the people who are
when the people who forget i don't wish that they continue to forget i hoped i remember
but there's so many of you are doing so well i'm just i'm encouraged visitors to continue to take care of his body longer
even even though suzuki roshi left at sixty seven i'm going to
continued beyond his age
is there anything he wished to bring up today before we do the ceremony
this morning before we do the ceremony

did i know i wanted to
i wouldn't say that i knew i wanted to but i knew i wanted to i knew that because i did and i said i noticed that i want to be i just thought
i didn't know
i thought just being with him that's mostly what i wanted to do anyway i didn't particularly care for is giving a talk or not
the i didn't come to zen sounds like you want to come design center because he's gonna give talks i didn't know so you think that that would be involved the main reason why i came was i thought
i wanna be like those people in those and stories which i didn't even know the word body saatva
but i i guess i wanted to be like the bodhisattvas and those and stars and then i heard that a training program so then i started into the training program but i found i had some difficulties with the training program and that didn't know if i was doing the training right and also i noticed i wasn't
doing a very consistently because i've kind of hard
cause you know nobody else is doing it with me and and i have other things to do i thought
like study or something
i won't mention the other things better
so i thought will make i went to a place where people get a group that it would be easier to do it in the if there was a teacher there i could ask the teacher if i was performing the training right the meditation so
i heard about i found out about this place where you can do the training so when i got there there was a teacher and there was more than one teacher but there were other good teachers to but the team seeker she was the senior teacher
so i decided the wanted to the i just sort of i'm just with him then i'll be able to get any kind instruction i needed with the practice
so when he stopped giving to having dogs on and and
lectures and didn't make much difference to me because basically the way the way i saw the practice was just be with him
and then he could see my practice in if you have any feedback he could tell me what she did
so for me the fact of not doing republic teaching anymore didn't make that much difference unless i couldn't be with them then it would make a difference but i could be
because i too many of you know ah i was the director of the building at that time so i was in charge of room assignments so i signed myself and room next to hers
the soft
i can remember
i think i did it was a night with a with a sense of good fortune
right that i could have a room next to my teacher so that whenever you anyplace you had to walk by my room and if he needed me for anything i was right there so i did feel really good about it and it was very nice room to
how people that nice rooms do but not that one i didn't take anybody out of it was vacant i waited until nobody was there and then moved him
room can so yeah that was very nice
to just be with him so when when he saw when he was having treatments are one in ten t in his kitchen
those were just as good as me as you know pig
the dhamma talk or something so i didn't know what to be like other than the usual the usual which is intimacy is worth it's like and an intimacy is challenging
so again i've told the number times that although i came to censor to be with a teacher and i didn't think i'm being intimate with a teacher but in fact now i see that's what i wanted i wanted to intimately meet the teacher
but actually the meditation
now i understand is not just something i do myself
the meditation is
to be sitting and meeting the teacher when you're meditating to meet the buddha to meet the great teacher while you're sitting is what the sitting really is
so here today you're sitting here but you're not sitting by yourself
you're sitting with all them with the sondra and you're sitting with all the buddhas
yeah i didn't know i don't know what it's gonna be like to meet the buddha
but i know that's what i'm going in the room for
and to watch him
to watch my dear teacher who is sick and suffering received medical attention
this was i thought that would be
good a good thing now i see that i wanted this is my way at that time under those circumstances to meet the buddha
was not suzuki roshi and not nazis of the russian was not me it was not not me
the boot is not inside or outside the buddha is
our intimacy with our life which is include all beings that's what i went in a wanting to do but didn't know what to be like
but i was very happy with it
has been happy to be able to go and sit there
and i still am i feel so happy that i could sit there and watch my teacher
hi and on his last days is so nice show i don't know i often say i don't know how i was so fortunate to be able to be with my dying teacher
i don't know it doesn't seem i can't see how i did anything good enough to give me this opportunity
but the opportunity was given he said okay
he didn't say you can't be there were he said okay
that guy said okay he let me be there it's amazing
and now you let me be there but he when he noticed that i was there
so he knew that i was watching and then i was learning so that he i could i could do it
so yeah and that's the that greenhouse
that's the greenhouse
so we were sitting we need we need a teacher there with us to remember the buddha's or with you
supporting you to be intimate with your experience to can't do by yourself you need need
support and it's there is waiting for you to invite it
not waiting it's present and still waiting for you to invite the presence of support for you to do the difficult work
and again it is difficult and i also told you many times that sometimes when he wasn't sick before he was sick
he would sometimes to say you know
come here i want to show you something
are gonna give me a chance to get some be intimate with them and sometimes he would in in the meeting he would ask me to perform a ritual
for example to chant one of these echoes
this dedication we're going to be doing a dedication to the ceremony where we dedicate the merit of our ceremony to our teacher to our founder
so he asked me to recite or perform the airco in japanese in his presence

so i did i rent and i was i thought on cocaine of him to to give me a chance to receive his teaching about this chanting
oh the coin in our to was in the for two days or call today to my check
so i recited like that and he was watching me and then
and then he would give me some feedback and then you had asked me to recite it to chant again and then he would give me some feedback after did that for a while i kind of started to feel kind of uncomfortable that he was
given me all this attention and all this feedback
kind of started to feel uneasy with all this kindness
it was like
there wasn't much room for any but it to be there besides the chanting and the buddha so i thought well that's enough of that i don't want take any more your time you can see you later
it was just enough i didn't i was concerned about myself in that situation and i wanted to get myself out of it even though the whole point of come to censor was to get this attention i wanted to get out of it so it
even though the whole point
have been born
is to be intimate with our life when we actually started getting intimacy say i think let's go someplace else okay i don't want to take any more your time
when he was sick he is feedback was not so intense
so i didn't when you're sick i never i didn't feel so much like while i'm i don't want anymore you i had no excuse and i wasn't taking his time
so then i didn't try didn't try to get away but when he was really the could say bearing down on me but it wasn't really burned on a very gentle
but there was just too much love to stand you know too much love to
receive and still have somebody there
so if somebody was still there wanted to get out of the room but then he said no no it's okay i have more time galway
and then try to get out again it's okay
finally anyway those interviews did end
and i'm here to tell the story
but it's it's hard it's hard to be intimate
with self concerned
with am i performing well
does the teacher approve of me and my lucky stupid
am i looking smart and i looking pretty

when you said that the love and your anxiety coming when you felt like somebody's there
is that
because we don't want to be seen
i think we'd do want to be seen and we'd like to be seen and also makes sure that what that the person is looking at us thinks we're pretty good
so we do want to be seen but we don't want to be rejected after racine
we want to be seen by somebody we respect we want various
we wanna be seen by a genuine
we wanna be seen by genuine authentic vision
and but then when the vision looks at us we sometimes they what they see my pettiness what if they see my selfishness
we get scared about that than the with hundred well maybe i should get around the room before they see that so far has been going quite well
look if i stay longer they might notice
you know
something so i'm gonna get outta here rather than okay go ahead look see that see that pettiness

suzuki roshi actually
really well but he couldn't hear have in some ways he was somewhat limited in terms of what he could hear like if you just said to him a rush when go getting the cardinal he wouldn't get that
i made it hard
she said roshi we're going to get in the car now he would get that
our somebody said a long paragraph to him and during the dharma talk or something they say a long paragraph question he answered the last phrase at the end which work fine with the question was too long and if anyway
but people who could hear it i don't understand and might try to deal with it but he couldn't so you just adds to the last partner was perfect
but still you know he had did have some prom and catching ah
all the different parts of the speech
can i stroll was i bring up his for
can you may have no idea why button-up
oh yeah that yeah so pete sometimes people would do a big complicated disclosure of some kind of like evil american thing that they were doing
and the up this is slowly you know if it if we got big enough he just couldn't follow it anymore so he never even if people who are telling them how how bad their practice was he couldn't get it
they had to split had to have you don't go very slowly and carefully explain how bad your practice was in any rodrigo oh my god oh wow
but people you know so he didn't know how bad mover
he basically thought you know the people are great and then we're trying to tell you something what you know what to do with yoga recorded a regular one hundred and it
so if you if he had known in the poorer japanese he'd probably know how better practices in go back to japan
or go to europe or someplace where people are not have such
selfish practice
so he was kind of misled in a way
and says result a generation of and students think i here was a guy who loved us all
and he did and there was no way for i'm not too because he couldn't he couldn't find i couldn't find out how baggage
to the information just couldn't get to him one time he suggested one of the students that does a heart
he suggested
this person be made i think director
and the other seniors his other is is other senior students are actually more senior students who had already been director and so on they said oh no ross gt it's not a good choice
and he said well why not they said well because and then they told him something he did which he never did any when he was with the situation he was like quite naturally not not trying to hide anything but he was just like this
really sweet
dazzle devoted person
know and that's what zucker she says you can make this guy and he was smart and energetic let's make a director
but when he got fifty feet away from says aggression he did things which you would not want the director to do
you would want that a person to have the leader of the are sanga who did those things been so the people told security what what he did which this aggression never saw but when he heard it he says oh well then maybe it's not a good idea to be director he does that
so in some ways he was in a bubble
and in that bubble there was all this love even he had a bubble we need a bubble
until i guess where the whole universe
and we're working towards akron
universal realization of the dark of the truth then there's no bubble necessary
but until then even a great teacher needs a little bit of a bubble
in order to be able to exude
great warmth towards the students and encourage them
with my bubble
know about are
retreats i do this some my bubbles for i go some place and everybody's like really good good people you know excellent students alert
and even when they're get feisty and salons that you cannot kind of makes it more interesting and thought upon my mother
and in that bubble
the tree of faith and intimacy is growing
getting ready for the big way to smash to smithereens
meet that
to maybe confidence that that's the direction we're all heading companies that was direction i'm headed
so that eventually the bubble
what does the book does get broken but that part about
get recreated like today's and another recreation of a mobile
and then like and i'm gonna do a ceremony to make another bubble and that of pop do we have lunch public coming a with mobile all these little cunt situations where we can remember
our intimacy with all beings and include all suffering games or mit things
so i don't have just one bubble and the constant parade of bubbles which i've been aren't given to me and popped given to me parked given to me in popped given to you and popped given to you and popped and sometimes it's a given to you popped and where's the next bubble
i need a bubble or as well i'm like out here
no bubble november and i are on my practice shot gone that's to all over
now i need some inspiration please help me whether it is think you can we go the and start off
it coming others brown
did you are yes

they find that the notion disturbing yeah well this person thought it was disturbing to
so you need a bubble in which you can get the word about this bubble and deal with your disturbance
what watching what she meant by the bubble was a situation which was conducive to her be present with what's happening
how did he met
but also the whole point is not to dismantle the bubble the whole point is to be into is to do the things you can do inside the bubble and once you can be intimate with what's happening because you have a bubble around you once you can be intimate with your life when you have a container that support you to be intimate
then the intimacy will
take the bubble away
when intimacy will allow you to dismantle the bubble
but first of all you need some realization inside the bubble
and then you make a bubble when you make a bubble again for yourself and others so you know that story right there the story is called how to paint the portrait of a burgeoning surgery to you don't
how on childish of you
so jack prepare
how do you how to paint the portrait of a bird or wiseau see french original for first and get a canvas
you take the canvas out and you put it
a by a tree in a forest for a woods
when you take the brush and you paint
a cage
and then you paid the cage with the door open
and then inside the cage paint something pretty something useful something beautiful for the bird
so we we've know about this is a this is a
you know and we put some things inside for the bird and want the bird to come into this cage into this bubble
and so you can't you can liberty
all the birds came
and and then you didn't then after you make the cage with the door open than you sit
still and wait for the bird become
the bird may come quite soon but it may take years
the the the quickness or slowness of the birds coming has no rapport with the quality of the painting
when the bird comes if the bird comes
when it comes you already been sitting quietly right but when it comes observed the most profound silence and stillness
when the bird goes into the cage take the brush and gently closed the door on the cage
and then and then could be seven years later
paint the bars of the cage away
but you don't paint the bars a cage away and told the bird is in the cage
and settled
serenely perched on on her little her
her little our perch in the cage so that she is holding that little that little piece of wood you know that they stand on where they poop from
this is such as perched on it'll stick and you paint the you paid the bars away saw the birds on the standing in mid air
she can stand the vast spaciousness now because she settled on that perch
he had something beautiful something lovely something useful for verse if she could settle down there now she settled
the whole point is not the paint the bars away
the bars are just
a place where the bird will settle the bars helped the birds settle the point is not get to get the bars away the point is to get the bird bird settled
that's not the whole point either now that the birds settle we paint the bars away and then and then we paint under the bird were there was the perch now we paint a branch of a tree and we paint the whole beautiful summer world back in
and then we'll wait again for the bird to sing
they are open
go back to me that
no no that's part of it but the bird already got that when you paint the cage away fill them
the patent that the cage was a way you got the bird to come and sell down
and in the store you had to settle down before the bird would come so somebody has to offer offer somebody who's sitting still has to offer a place for the bird to coming settle down and then you close the door and the birds or will settle then you paint the bars away now the birds realize the vast openness you came from
i know it came there but there's something besides coming and going from there
there's been settled there but when it came at what when it came and gave up being settled now everybody who's conference from stillness and vastness is hysterical
hey we gotta get people to come down here
yeah you came from a good you came from a good place you came from a good family yeah you did you came from the best place but now you've lost it
isn't just we're going to send you back there before we send you back we have to calm you down have to put you in a cage and you can bounce around the cage for a long time before you find the say okay i'm gonna sit down so once you're settle down can now we're ready to remind her where she came from
paint the bars way but that's not the end of the story
then the story is not yet arrived we have to wait for her to sing
she doesn't just return she returns and sayings
it's a joy for thing to be home again and you say
so there's no final point but just to go back to the vastness is not the end of the story
if you stop there the is not over this story is over
not until they're singing and even that's not the end of the story the end of the story is when the bird sings
that would consign and say
the sign it and you take people wince at this would you take one of the feathers or the bird to make your pan and new up that's the whole store it isn't just returning
returning and seen
no it doesn't say that it says it says something quite like that except the opposite
it says if the bird doesn't sing it's not a good sign if the burgess just sits there with icing is not a good sign if the bird guzzling it's a sign that you can sign

so the point is that people have lost their way from brother come from
we want them we don't really want to go back there ourselves what we wanna go back and then saying to help others it isn't this the we go back to our nice home it's a we go back and we sing until people
you can go home
i'm may take for you
what isn't not just
peace it's also
helping other people realize it
did you get the point where you go unnoticed that suzuki roshi had signed off on your
no i didn't i was too young
and actually i said to him
one day i said
we don't have any problems you will we be you and i don't have any problems with you know like that basically what i said in other words we don't fight your not mean to me out the and i'll think your mean to me you know your kind of i find you the way you relate to me kind of the i'm not saying an illness but sauce your kind of
easy on me it just like you just one big encouragement i just have a great time with the way things are going so well for me and you seem to be happy with me
i get the impression you're happy with my practice to know and i am too i'm in a perfect but i'm i'm so happy to practice i'm so happy to practice to miss to make a long story short i said we don't seem to have any problems and he said we will
he died before we have problems we had some problems but they weren't big enough like you
the point is things out to me than kind of but so gentler was not difficult to receive basically it wasn't that hard and
but if he'd practiced longer would have problems so since he died for last thirty nine years
i've had the problems that i would have with him
but he wasn't around in a physical human body so the problem i've had is the problem i've had with many teachers and the sanga all the problems i've had
and i've had some problems people in britain people have problems with me so it's been kind of them a problematic situation and so i finally did have the problems is so in a sense of all the problems i'm having and have had our the problems that i would have had with him
and that that is teaching to
and he taught you know the problems you have now basically the private i was gonna have
or get ready to have this brahms forever until you work him out until your intimate with them
look it's fortunate and but he just reminds me of their luke skywalker talking to your they're going i'm warning you know that he'll be scared
have trouble
it sounds quite similar goes back for more training in the
ready to customers

yes i'm i'm i'm pretty sure a career she would win so if he saw some of the things i've done since he passed away
but i think he might even i went to my still miss practice with him
maybe not makes it that was to that your auditor got your attention
you're not my disciple anymore
but then again he might not be able to tell him opposite

some everything so now you would be one hundred and six hundred
now so if he was still around and could see
you might still not be able to see well enough to see how bad i am so it might still let me to hang out with them
and shakyamuni buddha might let me hang out with them to dogan might they might let me hang out with and even if the kind of saw about i was but maybe they wouldn't
have you say you know what you did so bad except we shouldn't be doing that after forty five years of practice you shouldn't be doing i mean if you did as beginners okay but this is just beyond the pale you're outta here gimme your rows back
is possible
that a small mistake by buyer
senior practitioner is really a big mistake
a guest student at it it wouldn't be a problem but after all these years to still be doing that oh my god
you're terrible
thank you thank your russian
i read when you're going to kick me out i'm ready to go
i'm never got get rich telling a story one time about advantages to get outta here
and then work she said that means
come back
doesn't mean that with everybody
but was met with a zen master that's what i mean it
the buddha that's what it means some people use should listen to that and and leave
because they're not buddhists but the buddha means come back
i'm telling you to go because you didn't come back now come back

that would be the so the story is a jojo right
i saw a man comes and he asked to see jojo
i asked for some instruction from georgia but he doesn't get to talk to george directly he's he just talked to georgios attendant
so they said would you ask the master
what the ultimate meaning of the buddha's teaching is
and the tenant comes and says a monk has just arrived and he's asking what is the ultimate meaning of practice in georgia says tell him to have some tea and go in other words are you from tv
say please have this tea
when he drinks it did not go
that's the teachers teaching to you about the ultimate meaning of the border
so the monk that the tenant does that
and he comes back teachers as well i told him
that he and go and buy way to your what is the ultimate meaning of the bodhidharma
and jar says to his attendant have some tea you go
mary goes
hasn't he
so you ask me what is that that's the ha
you asked what that is that's the ultimate
what kind of going are you don't want to know about the ultimate meaning of bodhidharma it was wonder why we're gonna going at is
if you want to know what the ultimate new meaning a buddha dharma is come here hasn't he and golf if you want to know what kind of going it is
ah it's well it's it's like don't be attached to the ultimate meaning a buddha dharma that's what that's the kind of going it is
and if you actually practice drinking the team going that's the meaning of buddhism is drink your life are they still live at left
drink your life
how could you take up down and go
may i tell
he really expand throughout the young ladies
a true matter
well as way
nonetheless ah to say them
regions are inexhaustible ah to end them dharma gates are boundless ah to enter them buddha
as way is on the surpass them ah
wow to become ill