Intention and Letting Go

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Serial: 
BZ-02723
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thank you
a speaker
and say
right

se
so and twenty jan
now that's just see

here
total tomboy merging happy new year
how's that
said okay
twenty twenty vision
i've been hearing that phrase
why not

our wonderful cat isabella died she was last sixteen years old and i data had chosen her for her sixth birthday and so she was with us a long time it happened
and very stubborn two weeks before she just stopped eating and drinking and the vet couldn't seem to figure out what was wrong with her
the in final suggested a on an x-ray and that was lung cancer so we were thinking we were to have her let her die at home but the vet said that she was probably suffering a right more than we were aware of
and on
that will serve consider having her euthanized will have never done that with another animal that we had but because we didn't want her to several the end when the ground so a couple balls later when who brought her to the vet
you know usually when we bible to have a year of his shots she been one of those travel boxes ripe as an animal travel containers but we thought well we'll just let it sit on my lap and victor drove and she sat on my lap and she was just delighted to look
out the window she kind of perked up and you know is disappearing out looking at everything as to me were going by
let me powder was calm but about a block from the vet's office she got very agitated and started biting and scratching me what she'd never done and her breathing was starting to change and she jumped down on the floor
in victor head
i'm parked by now and came around the side warmth and travel box and won't put her in the box carefully because we're gonna else there would be animals inside the waiting room she didn't like it in that box and i got into the waiting room and i can tell
she was agitated and i was talking to her and then all at once it was silent
and i opened the box and she was dead
and she died right player down the waiting room in the box and i felt terrible
and i told my arm
the receptionist you know work we're loving shall have to hide in the box and she came running out you know of course upset town and they should i took her home and i just felt terrible just felt we'd made this sketch mistake and
why didn't we leave at home and you know just on and on and on and victor said to me
then we have the best of intentions you have to forgive yourself and as such whilst word smiley it was just what was needed to kind of wake up
ano wake up to on
what i came to see you as my attachment ten this idea i had of what was what was the right room for her to die what what's a good death with a good way for her to die and my control over that ammo that end to her life
and it got me thinking a rod about intention and expectation and our attachment at times till some outcome or result so i've been kind of studying that intention
and that's what i want to talk about today
so on
what is the tension i guess we can can find that first i looked it up in the dictionary in the ones that interested me the most were from the latin stretching out effort attention turning out and the
chinese you know there's so many different chinese words that mean the same thing but one was having borings
direction
oh intention so i liked those there's no there's no on
there's nothing there that points to any outcome or
what's going to happen it's more about how how to orient ourselves
when our daily lives we are back intentions to do things and we commit ourselves to do things and sometimes when change our minds and that's pretty normal will might have the intention to on when we're young to go to school and steadily and protect particular field of study
thing
follow a career follow a work path and we might change your mind and thus just fine and they have lots of intentions like that in our lives that went either stick with or drop because of circumstances changing or our interests changing
but when i was thinking about what what is our intention in zen practice i thought it has those two components of setting an intention and making a commitment but the third part that so particular town spiritual practice his vow
and we don't really say that in our daily lives when we set intentions but in her practice or practices very tied to vow
and our vow is the kind of little promise that we may tim
to follow our intention no matter what happens so if room
if things happen to us that we think are good or things happened to us that we think are bad it doesn't matter our vow is to continue to practice no matter what
and that's a dampening that happens in our practice when we follow vow because we're not pulled around by
the everyday decisions that we might make
what an adorable ourselves kathleen was practice for and with others
zahra rahnavard suzuki roshi says about this
oh i'm gonna major a little bit from a talk he gave and nineteen seventy at tassajara and then it doesn't use that word intention but i think that's what he's talking about
and i wanted to say the nice original transcripts i read a lot on there so interesting to me because every other sentence says he laughs are laughing a lot and i just think that's really important to
to expose ourselves to that you know his likeness and his approach to any topic is just full of that laughter that lightness of our practice sewing practice you are practice of everyday life is not the practice to attend something you know
but to start our practice from the beginning jumping into the pure practice that is our practice without realizing there's nothing to depend on and even ourselves our physical body as transient so we cannot depend on ourselves physically and mentally and first exist
it looks like permanent but it's not so it looks like existence but it is nonexistent and that is true with this understanding we devote ourselves completely in our practice that was our practice i think that version is what what i'm calling or what i say this word intention is about
about our practice or intangible simply to practice is the most basic root of our practice
then a question might be what kind of every mmo should you make to practice that kind of practice of non a talent that will be no your question
our effort is not like some effort to my saved to achieve something or to carry something or to run a race it is not you know that kind of effort
from inside to outside our efforts should be directed outward
right now to direct our attention or effort uruguay means to have a mind if you have been mind which is not outside there's no way to direct it the runner directed away it's not possible because there is no outside of it whatever happy
one things which happens is always happens within ourselves if you direct your effort outward it was that your effort is to realistic how to practice non dualistic practice was first happen
yeah things happen within ourselves and without disturbing by it because things happen within or a big mine so are bad marine couldn't be disturbed things which are going on are always inside of ourselves best is called perfect acceptance
we don't say good or bad means we don't we don't you know things happen within ourselves as a movement of bank self
then whatever the movement as bad as the movement of the big south so one cannot say good or bad fundamentally with this understanding my practice zazen
so get the feeling all that
when will say let him go mobile web were talking about us letting bone
we have our intention and then we have letting it by
he goes on a little bit on talks about what about sound from the outside or what about movement from the outside or what about mistakes slightest mistake does not mean know when to hear some sound from the outside or to be caught out
the southern drowsiness or to have difficulty and painful legs but you know the difference between wrong practice and right practice when you have for instance painful legs arrows maybe it's rather hard
what painful legs just be painful legs that miss you know how you practice zazen and now it says laughing a lot
then it has this little story in the meiji period there was famous zen master called nationally nishi are a book of some
when he was hospitalized and very sick he must still you know hanging some book from the ceiling
why in his bed he was reading commons and the doctor said you must not rely on know
though he said my mind as robin right mind my body is suffering while it's suffer it's okay
so i was pointing to the he talks about effort he doesn't say here but he's pointing to this idea of what we call effort
this effort and what is that
how does effortless effort on china taschen and know attaining mind
watch i've just a paragraph from a rapture that surgeon roshi dave
also at tassajara
ah two thousand and six in the summer time and he was talking about practicing prajna parameter
a practice that was no expectation of pay back we sent i give ourselves to practice the girl of practice is not to get something it was simply letting ban it it has just the op
opposite of usual ambition to let go and not expect anything as the foundation for sorority serenity banks out joy enjoy brings out enthusiasm and the way becomes enthusiastic an effortless
even though we don't expect anything or maybe because we don't there are benefits and blessings but if we practice for that reason it doesn't work
we had the term effortless effort it's not hard and it's not easy but it was riding the rove and following the wave when we were surfing and you catch a big road you weren't for just the right moment for the way to crest when we were riding the way
thank you are also driving the wave you can't tell whether you're riding or driving it's that kind of ease
the road and you are one you and the horse or one this is not do a practice dogan cause of turning and being turn kind of like a model place it sounds like to me
so i was talking about us when our daughter was home from college and we were out for a walk and she's studying dance and so i told her about this
ratings and i said i've been thinking about intention in the phrase effortless effort and i wonder what you think about or if you think about that when you dance and she said
of course
i think about it all the time and so i said won't come on have a conversation about it and she said sure and i said what can i tap into so that i can maybe quote you if i want to and he said sure
and so i want to know her exact words what she talked about was
but she tries to work on the relationship between tension an effort

so i said what is that the relationship between attention and effort than she said not overdoing it put in what you need and don't go past it and so i said how do you know what you need and she said
there were moments you know you're doing the grandest that you can and i can just calm down
why don't have much you don't want it
and then she said actually this really reminds me of chinese pro proverb or chinese idiom that i learned a long time ago and she settled in chinese and then she said it's about draw a snake in a competition
one guy goes too fast he felt like he was already successful so he draws the snake with all these faint and those because they put him too much effort and it's not a safe anymore

ransoms trying too hard she said you can see it
she said it's insecure about no not doing good enough sometimes i wonder to myself do i need to be doing more do i need to be bigger do i need to be showing myself off more to my peers or to my teacher
it's taken me awhile to realize just dance and be aware of the unnecessary tension and not to be so on myself
i know what i want and i know how to control my body but released on unnecessary tension is so important to fulfill a movement and understand you can just buy and you don't have to go over the top
in the end it will help your body be happier and healthier
so i'm told him
you know this and then
interesting yeah i guess that's why i to come to this further
but i thought you know we have some very often on these thoughts or at least i do and have and as we set our intention and as we try to find that meeting place of effort an effortless mess
this makes perfect sense right
well this led me to ah something i remembered reading in durban and a man yeah doesn't call it intention he calls it everyday mine but i think that's at least in this limited
perspective that's how i knew it
that's that but a chapter on i'm reading from moon on a dewdrop writings of dogan and i've seen the chapter on a body and mind studied the way
and it's short so i'm gonna rain the whole thing every day mind and he's got that in quotation marks means to maintain and every day mind in this world or in any world yesterday goes forth from this moment and today comes forth from this place
when going the boundless guy goes with coming the entire earth comes first is everyday mind everyday mind opens up the game of the inner chamber i think the inner chamber means something like oneself in the inner meaning of the in the teaching
because thousands of gates and myriads of doors open and close all at once he every everyday mind now this boundless sky and entire earth are like unrecognized words a voice from the damp words are all inclusive mind is all inclusive
things are all inclusive although those birth and death in each moment of this life of birth and death the body after the final body is never known even i do not know it if you were aroused the thought of enlightenment you will move forward on the way of enlightenment
the moment is already here do not doubt it in the waste and then if you should doubt it this is nothing but everyday mind
so nothing but everyday mine nothing but intention to practice every day mine my bomb but way to say that

so
the town of our surroundings
our practice is always the same it doesn't change
what can remind ourselves to come back to our original intention to practice when we're stuck and one can put our attention over and over back to that intention follow our everyday mind
i'm
i had a kind of rough and sobering like this past week
and i'm
i'll tell you a little bit about it
ah the door before new year's list say the last day of the war i was walking to berkeley borrow from hello to do an errand for the kitchen and i was just scanning town just down the road at malviya about to small via and i
i heard a man screaming bell very loudly behind a bit on the other side of the street and i turned to work and just maybe a house length away from from me was a young man on my side who also turned to look and in front of the screaming man on the other side
i'd have the strength may be about a house length away ten women and a young girl were walking towards him and they've stopped and was crying at this little girl she was more than six or seven maybe eight and we all sort of took a step towards him as
and i said in a very calm voice stop screaming at her and he kind of jumped back and turned around and was very angry at me said in a loud voice don't tell me how to talk to my daughter
and then he turned back to her and started hitting her and we all took another couple of steps towards him and i said stop hitting her and i said that about three times and he suddenly realize that are of these people were walking towards him and he stop
ped and he just so in such a loud but exasperated boyle said what can you expect me to darwin she doesn't download i say and i said talk to her but stop hitting her talk to i must have said that about three times
and a dog and then he turned direction i guess i didn't want to go in the direction of those women and he started walking in the opposite direction and the little girl was walking behind him maybe three or four feet and one of the women got her cell phone out and made a car
and i think she was column i don't know the police maybe
and the man and i started to walk again we walked to berkeley bowl and more watched as the man and his daughter walked up the street
so that was
the last day of the year or next day my brother had on triple bypass heart surgery in denver where he lives with his wife and it was on
mailing out of the blue he had no idea at all that he had anything wrong in his chest he learned it quite by accident just mobile or web for that but the damage was so severe that this was the the path to take and own
he's had the surgery and he came through it and is in the icu and histamine well so far and then for that this may by
problem is genetic so on i've been advised to have a coronary iris scan to see what's going on in this chest which i'm going to do next week
and the day after nine hours i was coming home songs and in the morning we opened the xander again i'm about five twenty and the morning and i hit and killed a cat on the road
and i won't stick had to the side it must die i put it on the grass and came back later with our daughter in the daylight so but one can go around and knock on door innocent
i forgot find an owner but nobody will have a cat belonging to and label it was a stray cat had had no tags on it but i just felt awful all wrong you know just my my stomach was just upset all day long and i'm so
i've come today kind of raw and kind of tender and i thought of every rings and i could get out of coming and blurriness talk to her
but that kind of flow through the mind that afternoon rapidly because after that i just laughed and i thought this is exactly what i'm talking about this is what is what is our intention
you know i'm here today because actually because he knows what we do we show up
we show up no matter what's going on no matter how refuelling we show up and we continue to practice even though we don't think we can do it
maintaining our practice is probably the hardest thing we can do in our lives but we can't coming back and doing that and even though we know we can't do it
so that's my message and before we open it up for discussion and questions i wonder if you have something to say about intention surgeon

the

mrs
nothing too much
the fewer ethic he recently
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history with
attention
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associations that
the fam
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attention and fiction
the
chelsea's
wow that
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get
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the machine
read
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he can do

visit them
and
you have something to say about intention or effortless ever will
effortless effort is really nice
every day
and the question for me whether it is my entry
perspective to
four thousand is
it seems to me the essences returning
i'll that you said you find an intention make a bow so it will have a place to the
ah with the understanding that
naturally you're not going to be people to stay
with your age
this is one of things
i've been writing about something and really by one of my teachers
a number of years ago because i wrote something about something cliched and that stayed at president and he actually called me from another state and this thing and said you can stay
ha ha so the question is one of
return
video is this week what i would comes to mind
the yeah
the episode where the hope was be all by this has spoken in the crowd in rome and
which is not a kind thing to do to or the real no person
but she's excited he got angry
ah and hard he slapped from here
which is like to host
independents are and then they showed so i was pissed off when you turn around
and then the next day
very can get a very clear
self responsible way from he's done have you ever seen
i thousand thousand is very very far away but for he's got a large set of speakers and microphone
the apologies
and he explained that had
not
followed
will music
so like in zazen we lose our visit a sick ago
that's our entered and then we're thinking about watch
and then we return so to me returning is the essence of saw as a journey is like testing
you know
okay
hello folks have
comments or questions chiron

i'm thinking
yes
effort and intention
but also here
how does it is that
in it
encourage children
this look great woody he is showing up as you present
so maybe it's just
this
if helpfulness is encourage and we get
ah pachulia i think i'm so we have to remind ourselves that every time we sit down there every time we do something it's fresh it's new
it's not all it's not the same so pile of our intention is to bring that to the the freshness the
that putting down it's nonsense there's never
most no period of songs and is ever the same right
tampa add something that something about returning but returning with freshness
local people have other words for what i'm saying is freshness
other
comments or yeah hi can learn
thank you so much for
he said intention of rice said each month
and what i write
in like sexual oppression
your intention expense and every way to respond
that was your intention
while serving your characters in crack the encryption plan
you have to get out something else
when you get the cat your intention was to london home and a great connection answer
some
and so on each one as she responded
you will not right with me that you chose to see
referees came here when for decorations or groups of a disciple of the summons on the one
sitting on the grasping upright for his wife and i hope
huh so when each moment we choose to seek and then we use
he responded sometimes increase their response sunday
so so thank you for reminding
like my my women has seen practice
his and a response
her by pressure to get style and chairs and it's also important to look at the waves that we find ourselves attached
and to just examine that not to promote ourselves but the see because it happens so quickly you know i mean i will have suffered when i
when i
when the cat died the way it bird in the box you know and i didn't i wish i can say that i were removed on
but then bad and in a way it's what alan thing about returning mean there are gaps and then we notice and then when will turn yeah you don't get to do it
man you are encumbered by process
my
the thinking linda

historia

right

christine patriots something
enter
so that
i think i like michigan is
lifetime worry
anything except
what about when violence is happy we just
chagas
except as
photo i was well aware of the surroundings and i think that k right i was aware but where other people around and i'm it was a kind of dance even though we didn't talk to one another we took careful steps so i think
everybody shout that but i was on
was shaken afterwards you know it's a hard thing to watch thinking
ta-da
stacey
i checked the girl
some of these colonies
the
maybe not
with that not knowing
the
the whole practice in that
really simple
a deep compassion
oh
that touched you
not knowing
reminded me release since to beginning
just letting that the case here
if you like me those play be able to pay with
still more
i want to perform and thank you that's a good point
thank you
somebody back there have their hand up
oh hi
crime
this

seems like it
a rises from hello this might sound weird but
but making mistakes like firing
you know and it just fan
what the tent and feel the urge to control us and then when it been watching would normally happens when we let things being
i never noticed that makes sense
ah
and then the almost answer is just you know let's face it years and years and years of practicing
yeah no i mean i i laughed at myself because i don't have actual thought like i just want to crawl in a whole
after i hit the cat in a that later that day and then i thought well that you know you don't know what's inside that whole post all kinds of
that laugh because i thought you know why am i why am i think that there's something better somewhere else and today even though i didn't really want to kind of being here today today's quite wonderful because i'm lifted up and support
added by is wonderful community in are fine teachers right
so i don't know to set answer your question
today well kept talking about it
yeah
ha ha ha
i'm going here
they can her hey symphony

said

the states are okay
if i'm always going to
a competition
get back on
permission
now
but i like what were saying and no mistakes are just that they're just mistakes i have told us before i remember one day long so long ago when i was practicing as the fell on and i hit too many bells and after the service surgeon came to me and said you
no you weren't too many barrels and i said and want the moral burden he said
and as scored and he said that's the most important thing is to know that you made a mistake but that's it will help like can we don't have to do all that trashing
right
just return right
just return it's impossible to live without making mistakes so thank you for saying that
last
oh
oh what's that
to my my question is about the laughter that you mentioned the movie versions
i grew up in a house where
there's a saying that
we plan the guys decide
life on landing
explication of
ah practice you don't think your guy to science fiction
change
about the was the russian laughter is
yeah yeah
kitchen
well when i want the
as are just like lighten up number one and on try us something more like don't bowl so predictable
number two
and on enjoy our practice i mean we've all come here because this practice is a sensible way to live life decided right and fell steadily into that
i think that's where the lightness com's
for me but i didn't know and maybe you know what were all that laughter i think
he just enjoyed his life
would be
i mean when i when they can find that man everybody's had that experience when he just sort of let things bay and it's delightful something happens
that's right
wiping your intention
no well then maybe it's related to with surgeon was saying about being tense like that that's unnecessary right or what way hong said when she's dancing if if if she doesn't release the tension then it doesn't flow
the movement doesn't get furled right and that's true and so awesome right
yeah but you're right
answer
ha
i think i've got mine to her
my friends used to say
get a lavish
the
bedroom
for me i think that that things fell apart that but you can tell me
ha
that's good
as do

effort

pepper

oh my god
have my cell phone i
yeah we're just doing
yeah but
i think about is the moon place of effortless effort
yeah that place where we don't forget about
a small mind and we've all had those experiences where you are in the activity
that's where the essence of our practice isn't it isn't that intention right there

well maybe he can answer that by thinking about not making an effort
what happens if you don't make effort
when i think
so here's an answer
the longer together right i mean you know this is the difficult to live language but there is intentional effort
involved in betting hair
a from that things being remade really just enjoy
the practice
sounds like a longer conversation
okay i drank there is right there
taking on so much and i hope that you have a wonderful weekend and but this is a good start to are very important air