Training in Intuitation

00:00
00:00
Audio loading...

Welcome! You can log in or create an account to save favorites, edit keywords, transcripts, and more.

Serial: 
BZ-02518
Description: 

Rohatsu Day 5

 

Auto-Generated Transcript

i love this rain
just the the dorm or rain
in this coming winter is really it's encouraging and nourishing
and i'd like to thank so roshi for offering me the opportunity to give his talk
ah
i was thinking about took us a while actually alex can't have found that the case ah
ah
after master tucson's teacher on gone passed away which is actually not the case in our situation fortunately ah
we're not going to conduct a memorial service in advance ah but ah
what yes they did a memorial service for toes on before he died and he said basically said wait
and he postponed his death for a week right
a so i'm not dead yet
you for people
did not have been crime
we have the ability
a
anyway when after before it on died after ongoing died he conducted a memorial ceremony and one of the there's a bunch of of dialogues and one of the dialogues is a monk asked about your teacher did you agree with him
or not and toes on said i half agree and half don't agree and the monk asked why don't you agree completely and cousin said if i agreed completely i'd be unfaithful to his teachings so i hope you'll forgive me i may have this
i agree to day in advance
in advance of in advance of what
ha ha ha ha
a
now i see okay thank you
for some reason this is making me think of howard margolis and a pissing contest
a
the anyway
i want to acknowledge that ah
today is bodhi day are we doing a ceremony tonight
saturday yeah but today december eighth his body day a role hot soup
actually means the the eighth day of the twelfth of the twelfth month and you know it's typical for san practitioners to do says she to celebrate buddhist enlightenment
as actually traditional if we were going to do this and nutritional way we probably should have stayed up all night last night and meditated
but ah we don't do that ah but we can
ha
and it became formalized as december eight
during the meiji
restoration in the in the nineteenth century when they they when japan adopted the gregorian calendar so december eighth is his body day
at any rate
i am really grateful that we are here practicing together this week
i noticed that when i'm occupied with the
the tasks and the practice of sixteen
i feel really well and feel alive
and then
when i confess i look at the news
and i ruminate on the state of the world and the state of our relationships and my family thinks that are going on i feel me notch and lori and i are fine
ah i feel troubled and
rightly so
so this doesn't mean that i wish to
for i'm advocating a retreat from the world
let's see that as kind of the appropriate response for myself or others ah
but over many years
i feel like this is how i've learned to take care of myself
ah to sit fifteen to sit zazen daily
ah
take care of myself to deepen my own
resilience and stability
in the face of my
all too obvious
shortcomings and flaws
ah the weaknesses and anxieties that i have that all of us have
ah
and so too
to step back in this way
in practice
so that in a small way
i may be of help to
myself and have helped to others
so i was thinking that maybe it's time for a song this week that's okay i i notice i don't think i've done this song for a couple of years ah but i'm gonna teach it to you
and i'd just like to say
this guitar is
eighty three years old
ah it's hole in his beat up
like some of us and
it sounds true it was not fancy at the time that it was made ah
in the gibson factory in kalamazoo michigan ah it was marketed it costs twenty five dollars
and i paid a little more than that
there's a cartoon that i saw which said i only hope when i die that my wife wants so my cars for what i told her i paid for them
but it's quite beautiful
systems
there's no frills and his guitar it's just
it is clear
this this song by jesse winchester and i so i turned the first verse into a chorus and altitude words or i live on a bleep big blue ball i never do dream i will fall and even the day that i do
i'll jump off and smiled back at you

i live on big blue ball
i never do dream i will fall
and even the day that i do
wow jump off and smile back at you want to sing that
i live on a blue ball
i never do dream by will fall
and even the day that i do
without jump off and smiled back at you

i don't even know where we are
they tell me we're circling a star
well i'll take their word i don't know
i'm dizzy so maybe that so
they i
on big blue ball
i've never do dream i will fall
and even the day that i do
i'll jump off and smiled back at you
you know i'm riding a big blue bow
i never thought one day i'd fall
but even the high must lay low
so when i do fall i'll be glad to go
yes
on a blue ball
i ever do dream i will fall
and even the day that i view
i'll jump off and smile back at you
well i'll take their word had all know
so when i do fall i'll be glad to go
yeah when i do fall i'll be glad you go
the

so like expand on something that sojourn roshi was talking about yesterday
he was speaking of intuition
and so i went back and i was reading about a shoe nevada
romano revenue drawn to when pronouncing the brace
ron ron ron
roma new john okay thank you ah
he didn't live long he lived from eighteen eighty seventh and nineteen twenty ah and just as as certain wrote she described it
was the case you know at least as described in wikipedia
which of course is the the sorts of all truth ah
so he was ingenious clearly
and like you know many great women and men
ah
what they can do and what they know ah
is completely beyond our understanding
ah it's it's intuition or whether it comes from god or from buddha or from the universe
ah
it it seems some people just seem to have abilities that are beyond one's human kin
ah
although obviously it's not because it's humans that are doing this
but it's also true
ah
it's also true that each of us is a genius
that the word genius
ah from latin
means the kind of guiding spirit or sort of leading deity of
a person of a family of a place ah
and it it comes the the root ah is is similar to the word for ah generative or regenerate or it's
to bring into being to create or to produce
find ah and also for the greek word it's really it's a greek word for birth
so to my mind each of us is ingenious
you know each of us is a genius at
we are the
ultimate expression
of who we are
now of course the problem is it is complicated by the fact that we have habits and there's all kinds of things that we've learned and it's a mixed bag right
but in our uniqueness
we have genius
and that genius the genius of being laurie the genius of been bruised and needs are being mirror you know like
nobody is better at that than those people
and i think that this is in part what suzuki roshi suzuki roshi was saying had
about being ourselves
of course we also need some improvement we have we have various habits and delusions and coverings
so i think that this
relates to ah and in two days ago surgeon she was talking about training
whatever that needs
ha
zen training
and this was in in the context of a talk that he began with a list of seeming opposites you know
black white
no wrong right
day night
flea fight
and so on
and he spoke about
the good zen student than the bands and student
you know say
you could save i'm a bad zen student well
don't be so harrogate know
ah
and yesterday he was reading from
beyond consciousness a chapter from send my beginner's mind where
suzuki what she says actually good and bad is not the point
ah
god my i was thinking today you know good and bad is like
that couldn't bear is not the point is like trying to to decide that that great ultimate existential questions existential question
the beatles the rolling stones
you know each one
represent something that strong and true and fresh
but what suzuki where she says is
where do you make yourself peaceful
his point

that's what we're trying to do here
so you could say
maybe simplistically may be profoundly
the zen training is about becoming truly oneself
and whoever that is ah
whoever whatever that is i i don't
really know
because or maybe because
i'm insufficiently enlightened
or maybe because the i than i'm looking at
his changing from moment to moment
so in another place and zuko she says the point of training
and that's kind of what i want to talk about a bid the point of training for the purpose of say sheen is to develop stable practice
we live in california actually i just
her there would there was a six point five
ah earthquake off of ferndale last night when it was ferndale
well it's wears it
okay so is everyone okay up there
did hear anything
yeah well as six point five that's pretty large you know so in california we know how in a moment
the ground can shift
and in fact it is always moving ah the earth beneath us is always moving and also
our lives our emotional lives are
our actual lives
is always moving
so the training that we're developing here and satiated we develop in our day by day practice he is
how we learnt stand with some flexibility and fluidity
so that we can meet every way that the that the earth moves in every circumstance
it may be a kind of dance
ah
it may be that we have to hold onto each other's hands
to to support each other because we can
we shook in are shaken around by ourselves by on our own
so this is what we are practicing here i feel this week this of on practicing
and i notice you know constantly noticed the ground
shifty ha
no the end of day one beginning day to
ah
i felt myself having to make a physical shift into the mode of session
and it was hard it was resistance but i've been doing this for a really long time and so i know that pattern and i accept it and i don't necessarily resist the resistance
and then yesterday
somehow at the end of the day
i found myself sort of hitting an emotional wall
and i
i just take this as part of the of may experience of session it's not that i take it as the truth
it's just like it may be
if you'd like the momentary truth right now
right now i'm having a hard time or right then out with him in oregon right now i'm not having such a hard time but it can happen in a moment
and it it won't necessarily
remi
so we were talking about intuition
and where where it comes from ah
it's extremely important
but i don't want to idealize
ah even though
ah
what is it i can't find it actually einstein said
intuition is the only thing
now of course that's einstein you know and you know ah
but for us i feel that there is a
the interaction between honing our intuition
and doing our training
is about
in a way it's about moving from habit to intention
on the deepest level
intuition is not necessarily some part of intuition may come from completely beyond your understanding and we have to accept that it's not as truly beyond your your experience in in
but you may not be able to encompass that experience ah or even recognize it
but
there are things that we do
that trick that change our habitual energy
into intuition so for example
i've given this example in other talks i think when
when you're on an icy road and you go into a skid
your habit or my habit would have been
step on the break
and
ah turn away from the skid
let's get outta here you know let's get out of it which is just what we do it's what we do in our relationships you know if something goes wrong and relationships we want to like go the other direction
actually that's
when you can call that intuitive or counterintuitive it's a mistake
the correct thing to do stay off the brake and turn into the skid get your foot off the gas pedal this is an driving instruction now ah
get yourself get your foot off the gas pedal and turn to some degree into the direction this kitten and slowly turn yourself out of it
ah it's like to go with the energy that's there and turn it
that's not necessarily intuitive unless on an intuition a level you really have a deep perception of all the causes and conditions that have created skip if you do then you'll know what to do but if we don't
your habit energies gonna kick in
so on

when we're in the
category roshi used to speak a lot one of our teachers to speak a lot about emergency case
it's a what will you do in an emergency
well you'll do what you are trained to do
if you are trained by your habit you're gonna do something habitual
which will probably
or often is a mistake
if you are really deeply trained henderson is what we're working on here ah then you will do you're trained to if if somebody
clutches their chest and falls down in front of you
you know if you are trained in cpr you will know what to do
if you are not you may freak out
hum
so these are matters of training
and
it's interesting that thinking that you know surgeon while she was talking about the author
like today i noticed when i
forget where i wasn't it came in i was thinking those doing service know i forget i was sitting up for service and i noticed that the ah
the
flower bowl on the founders altar was the foot was a little to the left
and so i just aligned it now that's not
i would argue that's not an ultimate principle of the universe
you know that if it's a little to left lou to the right
ah
the world will still go on
ah my training has been to align these six and it's like the foot goes forward and so so i do that so that's not i don't say that's an ultimate principle of alignment you know i don't know what the ultimate principle of alignment on the you
is there a really ultimate point to the alignment of the altar one could say yes one could say
no and we can talk about this maybe will have a chance to talk about it
but i've learned what i think or is a harmonious relationship of the objects on the altar and so i may we adjust them and sojourn roshi will readjust him and would probably won't we adjust them and exactly the same way
but i'm trying to create a sense of harmony in my own sense in each of us has a sense of harmony or doesn't
so ah
intuitive is not necessarily something from beyond
it may be something that we've learned it may be an aesthetic value that runs deeply within
one culture or another culture what's harmonious musically ah
ha has different characteristics across different cultures ha it's related to values that we learn
according to our training
but it's also related to our yearning this has come back to
what suki wrote she says where do you make yourself peaceful is the point
everybody to recognized it
that i have a yearning for peace
and from that i recognize that
everyone has a yearning for peace
although it may not necessarily look exactly the same
to everyone
it might look different
so our way
is to look at things one way is to look at things in the widest possible way in the way that that jesse winchester is singing about when looking taking the buddha view of this big blue ball
and once place on
and also in the practice of sixteen so we include that in the practice to seed you know with this this big blue ball that's constantly spinning the population here is changing over the course of the week it's gradually shifting some of us here all week some of us are here some days people com
people go and the reality just persists and the ball keeps filling in a wonderful way
but it's also in this very finely detailed way
ah
one should always know where one's feet or
and a bud was quoting thorough yesterday as a i was looking for their quota of found it but another clinic is a from throw said heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads
we have to remember it in the particularly just where your feet touch the earth
and it's also in the course of this week to know where is my mind
at any given moment which my feet how are they aligned on my legs or how they allowed in the ground and whereas my mind
and so this is what we're doing
ah and it's very particular it's quite beautiful
i've had i really am grateful to to gary ah i've had a bunch of opportunities in this session that i haven't had for a long time aside from cooking which i like to do i have two days of cooking which i didn't bargain for but that was interest
he really interesting to cook the second day
because i was working with jerry jerry got sick and so i was cooking her recipes and say oh you get to interests somebody else's mind
ah it's say oh this is very interesting does not quite the way i think of it but let's see how this goes you know that was that was very that was fun for me
but i've also had been dhawan ah i was co-ceo this morning and then it led the meal these are things that i you know i used to do it all the time i think for the first fifteen years that i was here and so i have a lot of training in that which is
and yet i don't get to do it you know it's really different
carrying the imprints and to in it you know and it's like doing it's you know and i make a mistake at this website i'll give a shit you know it's like if i made a mistake said oh i made a mistake you know the again
the world does not stop you know ah but it's fun to try to do it can try to recall tap into that training and this is part of what we're doing i think to
to really focus on very small details of how we do things this is this is part of the essence of of zen practice it's not abstract it's very pretty filler it's about how you do things with your body
you know so
to
to be dawn
every day on here
has a
what am i call a signature sound that sheer he gets from the bill
because how they how the their body and the striker meet the bill just like any other musical instrument you have a you have a sound that you that you immediately even know quite what it is but you go forward consistently ah and
same thing is true and you have to do that with your body the same thing is true with chanting where is it in your body
the same thing with leading the meal like ah if you're thinking about it like what's the right pace
and looking around
harmoniously at the whole zendo it's like
okay what were are people when the meal where are they cleaning their bowls you know what's the interaction between the servers and ah and the people eating you know to think about the wonderful really wonderful interaction between
all these things it's like this is a very special
opportunity
that we have to do you know it's
in a way it's it's like what i imagine being in an orchestra is like where everybody
please their own sustaining part in keeping the music going and keeping the rhythm going they do it individually and simultaneously doing it together we're doing this
existentially in the context of this practices is suzanne orchestra
ha
and to me that's
what the value of training is that's what that's why the intensity of doing sheen is is so unique
ah
and
so freeing because the underlying spirit of this
has to be
seeking peace
and we need it so much right now
because it is a doctor
and i can't
a pretend that
are sitting says shane is going to
necessarily
solve the problems of the world that were
that is still going on every moment
but i do believe

that for me it's the best way i've found in my life too
expand the capacity
and deepen the resilience that i have four encountering
the suffering in chaos that
we all see we always have seen it's nothing new
it's gonna get worse
but thus hasn't always been
this is what the buddha this is what the buddha discovered
it was his intuition that led him to sit under the bodhi tree and he's not going to move
until
i have found a way
to cut through this
and because he did that
we're here
does amazing
so
we live on this big blue ball
and probably because we're getting older we realize we're going to fall
oh
and i hope that the day that we do
we can jump back and smile at each other
so i'm gonna stop there may be have some questions or thoughts and ah who lived there a ross
i said that would you adjusted week
we're all on founded author

something like that yeah
ah i'm wondering

i i don't know you know it's a
hug total dynamic working
which includes entropy which includes so that includes a ah
perhaps an energy towards randomness
and i include that as as perfect and i mean i'm injecting my randomness you know isn't a bold is not going to stay that way but you know
i was trained trade with your adjusted
no it is
i feel as the ultimate survivor
the that's fine i don't disagree with that you know it's just ah
you know you could
so the way we were trained was like for this ball are
the the three feet one foot is kind of right at the wine and it's in line with that and in line with that with the with buddha you know it could just as will be oh i know what it was that say you could just as well be the two feet in front
and that would be okay what does the saints zook a situation sodium roshi was talking about or aoki the other day
ah you know as a new kind of logical unfolding of yeah it's a very logical and sensible way to to eat some of the fine details or not
then they're not
carbon stone you know we had we had keeping to or but
you can see evades we had a we had a a nori aoki instruction at the soto zen buddhist meeting in l a was very funny because it was led by this woman festival there's a woman
who is the soto bishop of europe which is really that's unusual and she was great you know she was really cool and she was giving the or instruction and with goddamn kids like immediately
all of the senior priests first of all the japanese priest disagreed about everything in defined as get which way does the chopsticks point where the day and laughter the on the right you know ah and then there was the habits of the different trained
people like ourselves it was it was very interesting ah you know ah it was conditional there were some conditions to yes it's love that
everybody the same way
he will every system yeah right exactly and that's it you know and
and that's exactly what that's exactly what emerged but it was interesting when you get this this aggregation of have you had sewed so gg priests and to yoji priest and a gps and was all a little different which is fine
anyway
john kind of cargo my intuition and you're constantly making a mistake your your views is that to go through it but today for example we were chanting mike hi how are guys me and we're all listening and trying to follow and making these days
thirty me and i didn't care about my mistake and so what i do was not make certain survey had made the mistake of your problem bus stop or whatever and listen and into it the physician in the tent and we were at and regroup and find it and so intuition
i wanted to also say is i'm the right that harmony in a moment that answers the question of the moment and it does require us to actually notice what's in the moment they have you detected like visiting the real miss muriel that
like it and asked the question that creates an intuitive action and truth revelation if i can do that well the deepest intuition i think and his son that also surgeon said say
i don't know what's going on right now
and i'd better listen
you know so it's not knowing and then bearing witness and this is what a musician this new if you if you linger over your mistake you're completely out of time
you know ah so that go and then find okay where do i re-enter in alignment with what's going on
james
i went to carry something really as down
i've got back into it
and
so i could experiment
where scientists took two eggs and card
got hiker
you little garden
but this bad day
and why okay
for every pound why he added
erica mine
check the invisible
we're doing here somewhere
they've been a ride
are you realize what was going on
but there are five wanting to fall
yeah
no
there's a fine
after and you i think i heard a radio program yeah
they
put them my by a time bomb
then the lab the other thing world here
i do that help you have any women who won he has questioned and spike or guys
elizabeth
ah
so you were talking about
try to hold that were left alive
yeah no
the minute shopper things
and the other night when you standing there a common ceremony
there was no
unbridled passion
there was a concern now i love the ocean
and i then trying to figure out some launched the patterns
oh this meditation and his purpose and the far you the festival never in my head because i know
tend to anger hotels and then ten percents of the triangle and you disappointments
am i coming to hobson and when i'm not talking about our new administration i'm talking to people who are of my friends over the years
a sniper overcast or once about something that was very important to me on the folks here you know i got a particular candidate wanted to win and on went on to the score of existential
well and nevada and constant into his room data
how much emotion somehow and
but i am how this pattern or on
i want to come to a place that there's a clergy person that i adore and yet we have disagreements i think to and i just wanted to say maybe not one five
now is my cool on that i'm working on my right now
high speed can hardly need to have been this
what i'm talking about you know learn this in europe he he asked me why newer one on the twenty four boston in san francisco
why am i have a spare
a spare a
i and i'm like a guitar you know analysis
i just want to say i you're describing
i think this is important i think there's something to do with the think of practice
of city
that yeah so i really appreciate that and
ah i
take a concern very seriously
and
if you remember
or maybe you don't
what i think i said at the beginning of addressing suzuki roshi was i am shorn of idealization

we should love what we do
we should love every being
and i believe we should be shorn of idealization don't idealized anybody i have deep love and respect for search and roshi
and i do not idealize him and i think that's been that's been the saving grace of our relationship over thirty five years for me i don't know what's them for him take
ah and how do you respect someone
and be shorn of idealization
this is this is really hard work for all of us in our hand i appreciate the effort i needed to really good place to the can't thank you very much