Ideal versus Actual Practice

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BZ-00022A

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Rohatsu Day 6

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well wait
turn to end of our fifth day obsession
ah
i think that we need to look at what we're doing it's like weeping tile
long says she like this
gives us the feeling that
this is our way of life when the the has been living this way
and we start to settle in
as as somebody doing their laundry
in as as close
think we set sail really see a picture
so we have two more days and it's filled were right the middle of the ocean here and she
and lot of as a sea sick
ah
but will display getting there
hum
ah
this time he and a contender for colds and sore throats and
him and so people are feeling a little be a lot of people are feeling a little bit sick and in that way in town
i appreciate your effort people who are ah
i have really notices and carson software the next with much more difficult
ha
that i think we're very determined
and that's the most important ingredient is our determination

ah
after five days for older students people have said sessions before they know what to expect in ah it's you know even if you've said so she ten times
live session can still be very good and very difficult
like the first time
so and for a lot of people this is your first long session
and
ha you don't know what it's like and you just have to go on faith that we know what we're doing
if you just have to believe it well they to know what you're doing
they've done it before then
so ah
we always feel very special
especially geared toward people who are sitting system for the first time
because our
you've never experienced anything like it sure
and am
you know you don't have anything do any way to match it or judge it with any other activity you've ever done
and even a you don't know when in today's machine still
more than that
ah so in in a way you know you're groping in the dark and you can only go for a moment to moment
ha and half are older students you know it's like watching children do something for the first time
ah they are completely involved but they don't know the outcome didn't notice
what wasn't path
what their parents know
hum
but for everybody says she is really the same
you know
it's no different for you have it is for me we just sit here and green ah i have i i difficulties in our joys now
moments of clarity and ah
moments when we wonder how do we get into this that comes out to everybody and when i have a can particularly difficult time
the most it ah someone has been sitting sessions for twenty years will say had this and i get into this how this happened to me what am i doing here
that happens when i even though that person knows that they'll be able to sustain themselves
it still ah ha
that kind of questioning still comes up
so we say various things to ourselves during session we have this little box full
quotations
new jobs the implications for the x-axis with a
but i won't say what they say that
ah
you know we use everything in a book to get it through
until finally we just settle into sitting after five days
we have to settle and herself it is after believe that this is our life
that's the advantage of long session
you say well this is our life know it's like when you're born into the world
and you kick and scream and
are you can do is cry and
this should it's true or do is cry and when you add some will cry you know when you encounter be a crime
then when you grow up to get east to the world then once you get used to room you don't cry so much you know because it doesn't do some it's good and you just begin to live in the world
so after five days we should begin to the actually just existence as she just live here you know this is it
did we will reborn into this world with alex christ
yeah
can't we just have to learn how to deal with it
huh
but don't don't she you know that of ah
good as
pressure we build up a lot of pressure bomb when we sit day after day or ah attention is is
focused and in searching out a single ah
way singular way that we build up a lot of pressure and lot of tension
emotional tension body tension emotional tension ah and
ah
you know of thoughts keep coming up recurring thoughts and go round and round like a phonograph record you know if we have some in their life is proudly will come up and keep going round and round in our mind and if we have some emotional difficult is emotion and hatred
ah anxiety lab
ah
ah
critics critical attitudes
focus ah
come up and ah
those feelings you know just like our thoughts when i've been taught chemically that they can only just brawl on just roll-on roll-off and the feelings do too but if we hang onto the feelings you know what
ah we start to get very emotional and we start focusing that emotion and each other you know what we can
say that server you know always ah shells that spoon to third to save all way when they served now can't stand there

but you know in an ordinary situation
you just it comes and goes you know that it's like this is your life and oliver emotional of you're feeling you thought is focused in this one spot and so whatever happens in this lens but it becomes very very important
and when somebody doesn't do something in our botticelli bothers us each time we build up a big thing
then we can see how we we can if we observe ourselves we can see how we start to build up cases how we started to build up
our emotional responses and ah
create situations to bandar
emotional response so far
ickes building and building up
and if some something happens you know
ah the to jolt us in some way ah we have a kind of blow up one in it are feeling to spills out or with the place sometimes it's just it's in laughter
sometimes it's our hysteria sometimes it's and anger
but i i remember in my early sessions
ah when i
something would happen and i couldn't stop laughing and i left some as once you start laughing you can't stop
no
search the see how his emotion and supporting up says
feels great but ah
i wish it a try to avoid that
otherwise was doing with a stampede people and we blow out element of which
so how how do we what we do that energy how to reach release it you know how does it work when it ah well ah
we put the energy back into to
so as we as his energy keeps being created we keep putting it back into our sitting so
it's
some perpetuating and when we really have a good balance and good confidence and ability to sit well
then that pressure keeps instead of
dominating us it fills us
so instead of having ah
feeling of being persecuted by ah
our pain
we are
all the feeling we have lifts us up
when we feel instead of feeling
ah
bad we feel good
okay
here are some ah
inexplicable feeling
some harmonious feeling that pressure in it feels like
where is the end of it you know if your legs really hurt and the keep hurting
more my more where's the internet you know how much hurrying can act how how much nerd
it can hurt as much as you live
isn't it feels like the whole universe is pressing down on my legs
the whole weight of the universe is crushing me
it's true
when to
the whole universe is pressing down on you
scientifically it's fourteen and a half
pounds per square inch and
ha
so what are we gonna do about this how can we exist in the universe
without with all this pressure how do we equalised depression that's bearing down as
how can we feel comfortable with app
just like we have to be able to
harmonize with it
if we fight it you know i resisted or try and hold it up
can't ill
to celebrate you

so you have to equalize the pressure
in yourself and your body and mind
he can't hang onto your anger
you can't hang onto your feelings are your thoughts or ah
your pain you can't become attached or anything
he becoming attached
you create counter pressures
and the universe will win every time
so you know as we said
we keep shitting
the getting rid of
the props that hold us up
until finally there's just you your body and mind new breeding and the universe
can the pain your legs
see
i only way we can exist is to give herself over to the universe
there's nothing else to sustain you sustain us

we can't depend on anything we left everything at home
we left everything there and said goodbye
hence why you know best way to come to is just to say goodbye to everything and then you get it's in a session is like leaving home for seven days but when you do it it should be leaving home
forever
but if with that mind
and at the end to seven days you go back home
that feeling should be
leaving home forever
then you just step into it
bennett the and you get to move back home
it's very nice
ha
so we just have to get to the point where there's nothing nothing left to depend on
then you can do that
so
first machine is hard to
you know i understand that
so well
but i'm very pleased with the way i everybody city
enter
ha
effort is very strong
ah about this time about the fifth day
and as we get used to session
the structure starts falling apart little bit
so we have to make some effort to pull in tighten up our
effort ah
talking know is a way of can escape valve
oh anna was blowing the whistle
he mistimed comes out that ah we should be careful not to do that
be careful not to just fall into congress it's so easy to find a conversation
yeah i have to do it myself
then i got stairs after my bacon you know i have to take care of babies and sometimes the day and have to talk to listen in a doctor right
ah but ah
it's hard not to talk
but if you don't have some business
try not to talk
it's not anti social
just that we all have this agreement and we all know what we're doing so that's very social
oh so very tight social pact that we can we agreed where are going to sit decision and we're are gonna do our best and we're not going to talk
and we're not going to leave and were ah
wonderful kind of social behavior
it's very strict
bring type
dead
later you know we have their ah listen social behavior
so you know chuck we should try and be on time when ah
clappers clamp now just drop i thought center breast and whatever just come into the zendo to really good if we cannot just come in and sometimes you know we feel for and should i take a rest you know
ha
that instead of doing it back to them
it's interesting how and unless years really sick you must has some really good problem
instead of taking out period out the come into this and don't sit sitting ashley's
we'll be more restful
to if we continuously shit continuously without taking an unnecessary breaks
ah sitting will take care of us
we have to have that kind of fish if if you do it you'll you'll have that kind of fate in sitting if you can actually do it
your see what i mean
ah
susan is a very mysterious animal
when moment you feel so tired you know where you're coming and going in the next period you just wake up
if you're you're mind is completely clear and you completely rested and your legs down her then the next period and it is different you have to experience all those things you have to go through all the steps
sometimes as session you know his side
ah
your mind will be completely
foreign to you your thoughts
for the whole session you weren't aware of his fats come from know where it's on this stuff contract
ah but underneath it all
your body cities as if we secure as used to say you worried about your mind
oh stephen your mind but while you're wearing that your mind their bodies citizenship
just let your party said thousand and stop worrying about your mind
main thing you know is to just
let our bodies it says it
the stuff that goes out in your mind just let it go on
at some point you know you get tired of thinking about it
and it'll stop
if you try to stop it pass you get run over
so ah best thing and as to lift your head up
when you work with your body
your body has a lot a big effect on your mind you know you can see what are they doing by the customer
i can look around the room and i see what's going on by people's pasture and as the song
this is
yeah
so we all get into that state we all get into the state of business that we should you know lift up our chin and put our head back put your head back backup
and then just sits as after a while we have and then you found in some of the cinema
so
the actual doesn't is returning back to zaza the effort
seven days of effort is to keep returning back to his eyes and deep pulling yourself up
where's scarcely roaming around and we're pulling myself back roaming around pulling us open
moment after moment
so you know we're trying to drive this thing
this this animal you know we're we're trying to dredge and if we fall asleep at the wheel in features over here in river for mac and as would fall asleep in you know
so i'm constantly pulling back so we want to stay awake and just drive and when you can stay awake and drive
ah sounds and feels pretty wonderful
hey somebody described it as so
chip up a map
and it's been described like a lot in a day
serious mountain climber and year the mountain
when you get to certain places
and you seem awfully scary
but you just have to keep going
huh
anyway i want you know i went to assure you that the stuff that's going through your head
it's a japanese career path macchia
marco means doesn't mean simply was aiming the delusion that the into delusions in your hand down
it's just all the thoughts that
come up when it had called for not in all the fantasies
and ah
doubts and paranoia
stuff it we generate their mind generates
so
this a lot of times stuff guns i've been that scares us
so but even that stuff everything without exception it's called macchio
if we can just sit through it
you'll understand it
the only thing that you have to worry about is what you're doing at the moment
just try and set
and
not become attached to the painting your next
train
let your body be loose instead of tense
work on it if to work on them
if to find your center and constantly center your body
constantly center
where is center this pie
and
how can i allow my legs to just exist there
without grabbing
but that
stopping the pain
in the legs
now that we had this happen
sense
pain comes in the legs and we go
that you make up
have you noticed that
we went to and hang onto it for dear life will let it live
have no way
but we have it we do have a tendency so we should be careful of their tendency
tendency to see all their it is again
an awful thing
i'm gonna catch it
huh
here today
at noon
hey i said something better bowls but ticknor both and
laying out are both
and i've noticed our everybody was doing and very slowly
him done
just notionally i said
don't do it so slow
took this

bad i i felt good to me to do that you know i was letting off a little steam
ah
better i also felt him
you know at some point we start moving in slow motion and we started spacing out you know
at this point ah we shouldn't we should be careful not to let everything just drift off and space out and the chanting of on
she's
is the hundreds of islam her this line when you spaced out you can't tell what the interval is between
between the beach
the on

so we have to start moving more
ah positively when you take out your balls dum dum dum and and it's all that

when you move in the zendo serving you know that fast and that slow but just
gregory gregory figuring know some written to what you're doing
and when we chant in know
then so we should put all that
ah steam that we accumulate on its team where he accumulate should go into chanting
chanting is to on
should express
added strength that we build up in jersey
and we should chant from ah ha
and
he's a very strong a very positive and wishing to everywhere
no
anam cara tan know cholera yeah yeah we really feel
strength
that's how we should be chanted
the two years them to to the and the person is doing is going from phone phone phone listening listening to the janet not really not leading it you know leading it and being led
if you think you have to lead it then you start doing your own thing you know marco goes dancing around and religion are on the isn't under under under under the and

you know you listen can you and be led and when you lead you also are leading
the at that point me to have to worry about who's the leader and who's a follower everybody's so leader in everybody's the follower
so listen and
put your home hind chanting and steady doesn't have this matter as fast or slow fast or slow is not the point stitch
then you feel good
now when you said he said strong
so system shouldn't just be an order to get through
you have to come up to it and it demands all of your strength demands your whole body and mind
then when you give that way
you feel you understand it and you oh i understand now
no one has to tell you what it's about i understand now
when until you can do that
you're always wondering no what's listening about anyway i don't understand
hi germany and question something we like to discuss
oh no
from the fear the jungles yeah john i like he hit three hundred
go one
simple answer
from request
practicing
thank you
that's a good point
i say a few things about it them
in this syndrome we don't usually hit said when unless they ask for it
unless it's somebody no real well
you know yeah
ah if i was walking around and i said
ron dozing off and hit a critic
a good time
that if there was somebody i didn't know i wouldn't
and if it was it was somebody i wasn't real familiar with i wouldn't
so ah
and a new person it was a junko suggested people who ask for it
so
because he enjoys mixing their kid just ready yet so
ah
but new juncos don't hit very hard
have you ever let him do juncos so sometimes like their swatting flies are hitting answer
i got like

but that's good the perfecting their aim you know vanished and recent appreciate appreciative don't expect to be hit hard by the new people if they were getting our a trio wouldn't feel too good about it
yeah
so
you know we have to take all these things and extra
but if you if we should hit harder than we do usually cause you know from bam bam
somebody like read you know if he hits it to hardy crusher
that so he's very delicate bam thank them i coat and i appreciate them pay much that would if you ask him he might think just a little harder we might do it
the
so k
ah
let's continue her past a shameless and good strong effort
here
samsung