Warning. Well, this morning's talk, good morning, I said that already, this morning's talk is a work in progress, and I've been still creating it. But it has to do with what is practice and what is not, and what is lay practice, Actually, I don't like to use the term lay practice.

[01:05]

I remember at Zen Center in San Francisco, we were using the term lay practice as opposed to priest practice or some other practice. it didn't seem it didn't fit because so many people were not ordained priests, but they were practicing in the same way as everyone else. So you couldn't exactly call them lay people. So I like using the terms residential and non-residential. So those people that are practicing as residents and those people that are not practicing as residents is more of a distinction than lay and priest practice in some ways. But it's all just practice. So, you know, we have monastic practice, we have temple practice, we have residential practice, non-residential practice, and these various ways to practice.

[02:11]

And they're just different ways of practicing. If you go to San Francisco Zen Center in the city, that's city practice. It has its own, its own way of, the members have their own way of practicing according to how it works in the city. And at Green Gulch, it's a totally different kind of practice, and at Tassajara it's a different kind of practice, but it's still the same practice. So the point is, wherever we are, practice is a creative process. It's not something, we tend to think that monastic practice is something that's set, has its rules, and it's, you know, you do everything in a certain time and so forth, which is true. But at the same time, if that practice is not creative, then it becomes deadly and stale.

[03:15]

This practice, this temple practice, in order to really do this temple practice, we have to be creative. Each one of us has to be creative. And it's not like, as Siddharthi said, Buddhism is a kind of set thing, you put it in the drawer, and then when you want to understand what it is, you take it out, you open the drawer and take it out. It's not like that. Although, you know, a common understanding of what the Dharma is, and a kind of common understanding of how to practice, but within that understanding, there's a creative process. So, what is that creative process?

[04:26]

How do we actually practice as most of us, non-residents, some of us are residents at the Zen Center, at Berkeley Zen Center, but most of us are not, and even the residents go out to work every day. So I remember my ideal when I was a young Zen student. My ideal was that as a practicing in an urban environment, that I would apply my tassajara practice to the urban environment. I would adapt myself to the urban environment. Because in the monastic practice, you get up every morning and you do tassan, have a formal, you can do chanting and have a formal breakfast, and then you may do more zazen or have a lecture, and then in the afternoon you work, and then in the evening you sit more zazen.

[05:37]

So that's basic monastic practice, and of course you have study and so forth. So how does one adapt that practice to an urban practice? So my ideal for that was to get up every morning and do Zazen, just like in the monastic practice, and then in the evening do Zazen, so that your work life comes in between these two bookends of zazen, and in between the two bookends of zazen is the book of your life, or the novel, or the fairy tale of your life, squeezed in between these two bookends of zazen. And then how do you practice your daily life?

[06:39]

Zazen is reducing your life to the basic fundamental, which is almost zero. the still point of your life, the center and the still point of your life, and then when you stand up and start to do your activity, then Zazen takes the form of activity. The stillness of your life is still there, Activity. Activity is the functioning of stillness.

[07:54]

So the way we practice within this active life is the balance between stillness and movement. within our daily activity, which comes out of stillness, we're always grounded. So this is how we say Zazen is the continuation of your sitting practice. Just two sides of the coin. The coin itself is practice. The edge of the coin is practice. And the two sides are stillness and movement. So if we always remember this, then whatever situation we meet are the circumstances in which we have to practice.

[09:12]

So we say when we walk out the door, it's not like we're leaving the zendo. When we walk out the door, the zendo is extended to wherever we are. So we can say, in a sense, the whole universe or the whole world is our monastery. But we still need some parameters for our practice. So whatever situation we're in, that's the parameter of practice. We define ourselves through our limitation. So if you are a teacher, or an electrician, or a bus driver, or whatever you do, a student, that's your field of practice. That's your zendo at the time that you're doing that activity.

[10:18]

At home washing dishes, that's your practice in your home, which is your zendo at that moment. So in a sense, it's like a snail putting on a different house. and or a chameleon taking on the color of every activity, changing color with the activity. So instead of seeing our problems as problems, when we realize that whatever comes up for us is a way to practice, then we're not so concerned about our problem is a problem. As soon as we lose the sense of this, how do I practice in this situation, then we fall out of practice, even though practice is still there. So we always have to remember that the cross-legged practice is only one form of practice.

[11:33]

The walking practice, the movement practice, whatever we're doing practice, is the other side. Zazen becomes the center of our life because Zazen is always centered on the basic. The center of our life is the center of the universe. Sometimes we say, where is the center of the universe? The center of the universe is everywhere. There's no special place where it is. But when we're centered here, when we find our center, our center is the same center as everything else in the universe.

[12:45]

It can't be otherwise. Some people think it's otherwise. They say, our God is right and your God is wrong. There can't be two centers of the universe. We're all one expression, myriad expressions of one, what we call, big mind. So we all meet at the center. Otherwise, we couldn't meet at all. For a Zen student, our life revolves around Zazen. Our life comes forth from Zazen and revolves around Zazen, no matter where we are.

[13:52]

That's what we call practice. We never lose our center. And when we do lose it, we find it. So sometimes in our daily life, we become distracted, we become anxious, we become fearful or whatever, and we kind of wobble off of our center. But if you have a good sense of practice, at some point you just stop everything. Whoa. Take some deep breaths. Come back to your center. Find your shikantaza, your zazen, your just this moment, place, and then proceed again. So we're always coming back and proceeding again, coming back and proceeding. So, you know, Suzuki Roshi used to say, zen is just living our life.

[14:59]

moment by moment, one moment at a time. But we have this broad spectrum of movement, you know. But actually, every moment is discrete. But we don't see every moment as discrete because we only see the flow of our movements. It's true that in the movie, there is the flow of movement. But in the movie, each frame is discrete. So if you take a strip of movie film, every piece is discrete. When you see a cartoon, every drawing is just a little bit different. But when you play it out, it's movement. So our life is also like that. It's discrete moments. And the Abhidhammas many centuries ago figured out something like there's so many trillions of discrete moments in one, discrete movements in one moment.

[16:10]

Anyway, so we actually live our life in discrete moments, and when we are conscious of that, then each moment is a whole lifetime. And if we lose that understanding, then we're always looking for satisfaction somewhere. And satisfaction, you know, we measure satisfaction through a yardstick of accomplishments. We have an idea, a goal, an ideal, and we work hard at this ideal or this goal, and then we measure our happiness through our successes, or measure our suffering through our lack of successes.

[17:24]

But true happiness doesn't depend on success and failure. And we look for happiness. And by looking for happiness, we fail. Because no matter how happy we may be from time to time, there's always failure. And then there's unhappiness. So that measurement, it creates a problem. So to allow ourselves to find our satisfaction moment by moment through a pure existence without having to justify our existence in some way reduces our problem. And especially nowadays, there's so many things to run after, so many carrots to tempt us, you know, and we're running over this way and somebody goes, oh, maybe that's better.

[18:53]

So we're pulled around by our feelings and emotions and our desires. Big problem. You know, the essence of zazen, the essential point of zazen is to not let ourself be pulled around by feelings or desires. And of course, As a human being, feelings and desires are what we associate with myself. You say, well, who am I? What is myself? Well, it's my feelings and my desires. Right? The body, you know, feelings, desires, want, need, so forth. But there are basic needs, basic desires, basic feelings. True. But to be controlled by feelings and desires is to lose ourself.

[20:08]

Master Zhou Xu said to the monk, you are turned around, you are pulled around by the 24 hours. He said, but I control the 24 hours. So we don't always realize how much we're controlled by our desires and by our feelings until we actually put ourself on the cushion. to be free from desires and free from feelings, within feelings. Not like I don't feel anything. Of course I do. My legs hurt like crazy or my brain's going crazy and things like that. My back. I hate this one or I can't stand that one.

[21:14]

but to be free from those feelings, within those feelings, to let the feelings come and go without attachment. That's zazen, and that's also how we live our daily life as practice. How to stay settled on ourself, a big mind, without letting everything upset us. You see, people are being killed all over the world. People are being tortured all over the world. All these terrible things are happening and my feelings are raging. True. But at the same time, not to lose ourself. Not to burn up with our feelings. To always be in our calm mind no matter what's happening. than to take action according to what's needed.

[22:21]

It doesn't help to simply be enraged all the time. When it's time to move, you move. When it's time to do something, you do something. So this is what I learned in Sashin, and I think what most of us learn in Sashin, when we sit long periods of time, and we have so many problems, and to not be attached to those problems, to simply rise above those problems, within the problem, not trying to get rid of something, not attaching to what we like, not attaching to what we don't like, not attaching to what is good, not attaching to what is bad, not attaching to pleasure, not attaching to pain, simply being right there in the middle, right at the center of the balance between falling off

[23:47]

being upright. This is actually our offering to the world. So this is called Dana, actually. There's really nothing to teach, you know. All the books really point to this. So that's why the practice is so valuable, even though it's nothing. So my ideal, actually, as I said before, was to sit Zazen in the morning, to practice in the morning, practice in the evening.

[24:57]

And of course, for me, I didn't want to do anything else but practice. So my job was to be a priest and take care of the Zindo. But I worked at many jobs before that. I was a taxi driver for six years. And although I wasn't a Zen student, I considered myself a Hasidic student. And so the taxi cab was my temple. And when you drive a taxi cab, everybody in the world steps in that door. So you learn how to relate to everybody in some way or another. And you can't pick and choose. I never picked or choose anybody. Whoever got in, I just have to deal with.

[25:58]

So that was great training. Somerset Maugham had this book, can't remember the name of it, but about this guy who went through university and all kinds of society and ended up as a taxi driver. And I thought, that's what I want to do. And I did it. That was great training because you have to handle everybody's psychological problems and their physical problems and their, you know, pointing guns at you and all this stuff, you know. And you have to find your center all the time. And you listen to, I'd park and listen to people's stories endlessly.

[27:00]

So then I had other jobs, but that was a really good one. I highly recommend it. I don't know how it is today. You used to have to wear a tie and a suit in those days. No beards. So as a SIN student, you can turn any situation into your practice, and you should. If practice is what is at the bottom of your life, at the foundation of your life, then every situation you're in becomes a place to practice, it's your zendo. So how do you do that? You keep asking the question, how do I practice in this, what is practice in this situation? What is practice in this situation? So then your practice becomes very creative, and interesting and fun, joyful.

[28:08]

It really makes your practice joyful. Even though there may be times when it's not joyful, times when it's difficult, still when everything you do is related to your practice, then there's a joyfulness that runs through everything, that's deeper than Joy is an opposite of ... not joy. It doesn't have an opposite, it's just always there, even in adversity. So it's also called riding the waves. You don't want to get inundated by the waves.

[29:13]

So you're always riding on top of the waves. And even though you do get inundated, you come back up. So you're always falling off, you know, we're always falling off. But then we come back up. So this is called the Tao or the path. The path is circuitous, it's not a straight line, it's like that, and we fall off all the time. So it's just like when you sit in Zazen, you fall off all the time. Your mind starts wandering, you start dreaming about something, and then you remember. what you're doing, and you come back, and you come back. But you don't make any judgments. You don't say, oh, that was bad, or this is wrong, or something. You simply return. And in our daily life, it's the same thing, but we're always making judgments. Oh, that was bad, or he hit me, or he was bad. I don't like him, and all that. You simply get back on and do what you have to do without judging life.

[30:18]

Because if you get caught by judging life, there's no end to judgment. You know, everybody's doing everything wrong. Except me. Every situation is the wrong situation. Why don't they do that? So, don't get caught by that. So I want to talk a little bit about quality and quantity. You know, it's true that the quality of our practice is maybe more important than how often you practice, right? But no, I don't think that's right. The quality and the quantity are both important.

[31:21]

You know, sometimes what I say to people is, as a householder, so to speak, you have to design your own practice according to, taking into account all the circumstances in your life, your work, your family, your interests, and so forth. And then when you decide how much zazen you're going to do, given that, given those limitations. And then you put that down on your calendar. Oh, I go to the Zen Do Monday and Thursday. And then when that time comes around, that's what you do. And that becomes a part of your Zen Do practice becomes integral with all the other parts of your life. And I do recommend that. You have to decide that. And it should be realistic. If you put too much, If you decide, oh, I'm going to do too much, then at some point you become discouraged because you find you're not doing that.

[32:31]

And if it's too little, nothing really happens. And if you don't do that at all, then zazen just becomes arbitrary. And when it's arbitrary, it's not really practice. It's just dipping your toe in the pond. So real practice means intention. My intention is to practice and therefore I will do it this day and this day and this day, whatever that is. And so sometimes we say, well, it's not how much Zazen you do, it's the quality of Zazen, right? But actually, there's no quality of Zazen unless there is Zazen. So quantity matters. To sit regularly, to really sit regularly with the Sangha is important.

[33:37]

Sometimes people say, well, you know, I'm doing a lot of Zazen by myself, as if that justifies not practicing with the Sangha. It's so good to do that, but it's not the same as practicing with the Sangha, because we don't want to do selfish practice. You know, to do a practice which is letting go of self in a selfish way doesn't make sense. Not that sitting by yourself is always selfish, but it easily becomes kind of self-centered. I'm doing something for myself. So when we practice with the Sangha, we share ourself with the Sangha, and we become Sangha. And our practice encourages other people. If our practice doesn't encourage other people, it's just self-centered practice. Because we're giving something. We're offering something.

[34:37]

And when there is a sangha practicing, it encourages people to practice. It encourages people to come. They say, oh, well, this is something that's happening. Other people think this is worthwhile. I'll try it. But if that's not happening, nothing happens. So offering our practice is Sangha practice, and the most important part. So we don't, you know, this is, sitting just for ourself is not real practice. Sitting to encourage others is better, but it also has some goal to it. Just sitting for the sake of practicing for the sake of practice cultivates my own practice and encourages others.

[35:40]

So in the end, it's practice for the sake of practice, zazen for the sake of zazen. Then there's no gaining idea in it. And it's not selfish. So we always have to find a balance. And there's no way to judge the quality of your zazen. You may think, and we do, oh boy, I felt so good. That zazen last period was so wonderful, that's it. And then the next period, how could anything be so terrible? How did I get myself into this? I'll never do this again. That's just the other side. So this is like not getting caught by what we think is good practice or what we think is bad practice. Just sit zazen and whatever happens is what happens.

[36:46]

That's real practice. Not getting caught by either side. So, I've been wondering, do you have any questions about practice, after all that? You mean you're satisfied? Well, when I first came here, I was very encouraged by the people here, because I could feel about And yet, they're not either covering it up or pretending nothing, but they're also not blasting it out there.

[37:51]

And I could see them being on this edge. And so that was very encouraging to me. But I wonder if you do just take a check Yeah, when you check with somebody else, like me, and you sign up for dhoksa, or with somebody else. So, how am I doing? These are some of the problems I have in my practice, so always checking. a practice, that's pretty good. If you don't check your practice, that's not so good. You should be checking your practice with somebody.

[38:54]

Because sometimes, you know, then there's the relationship to the teacher, right? The teacher is a guide for your practice. You say teaching, but Teaching doesn't quite hit the mark. It's not teaching, it's more like guidance, and keeping the student on the track of what is practice and what is not, or where it's kind of veering off in some way, and where it's getting back on. So it keeps the student on track. and whatever that means. So sometimes this student will say, well, you know, like, the teacher's too tough. And then someone else will say, the teacher's not tough enough. And then someone will say various things which are opposites.

[39:59]

So teacher just relates to everybody, each person, as according to the circumstances and who they are. So it's different with every person. So everyone experiences the teacher in a different way, because the teacher is simply a mirror for each person. So what you see on the other side of the cushion, on the other cushion, is yourself being reflected. Let me say something about how we, like in the creative process, we're just in our discerning of what our unique contribution might be, our tools. Yeah, the unique contribution is just being yourself. Because each one of us is different and unique.

[41:03]

So when you are totally you, that's your contribution. You can make a contribution of work, or you can make a contribution of participation. That's another level. That may be what you mean. path in some ways. Right, so everyone's path is different and the creative process is something you have to figure out and the teacher can only encourage you or help you to see where you're creating a dualistic problem. That's basically what teacher does is help you to see where you're creating a dualistic problem.

[42:08]

Dualistic problem means when you're falling into good and bad, right and wrong in a fundamental way. favoring this and over this and so forth, so creating, falling into polarities. And of course we do have to pay attention to, on one level there's right and wrong, good and bad, but on another level there is no such thing. And to be able to reach that level is where you're going as a Zen student. to be able to reconcile right and wrong, good and bad, and see things as they really are, instead of simply according to your own preferences.

[43:15]

Egotistical preferences. Yeah, the difference between, you have to pick and choose. But what basis do you pick and choose on? Do you pick and choose on the basis of ego? Or do you make decisions? You know, whenever we choose one thing, we let go of something else. So how to actually let go of something and take up something without anything left over? that's not picking and choosing. A bit of a discernment, a certain boundary, we all have a certain... Discernment, yeah.

[44:21]

So, how do we actually, you know, take up something or do something that is a benefit to everyone? not just for my own self-satisfaction. How do we benefit everyone around us and everything around us? How do we, in other words, how do we realize that everyone around us and everything around us is actually ourself? So when we, that's called not creating subject and object or bringing subject and object into one. Even though you're you and I'm me, subject and object are really one. There's no subject or object. You are not an object for me. That's non-duality. And that's called samadhi, when there's no division.

[45:33]

Even though you're you and I'm me, There's no division. When I'm relating to you, you're creating me, and I'm creating you.

[46:05]

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